The importance of family in a person's life. Children in the family. Family traditions. Family is...

The fact that the happiness of a full-fledged family in our time has become the lot of a few is not surprising. The science of building a family has been forgotten. It's like with ancient crafts. Let’s say that the Aztec tribes once knew how to build walls from huge stones. Now no one can lift such stones with anything, so no one can build such walls. The rules of building a family are also forgotten.

The difference between family and ancient crafts is that a stone wall can be replaced with a concrete one. Although it won’t last that long, it will serve. But there is nothing to replace family. Few people can be happy alone. Other forms of union between two people have shown that they are no match for a traditional family.

The family has enormous advantages over all other forms of arranging love relationships: the opportunity for all family members to be happy, the opportunity to maintain love indefinitely, the opportunity to raise children as full-fledged, harmonious individuals.

Why are we talking about possibility - because a person is free to destroy any of his business. But at least in the family there is a chance to achieve all these benefits, the highest benefits available to man. And in such forms of relationships as “guest marriage”, “civil marriage”, homosexual “marriage”, the chances are thousands of times less.

To start a family, you need to know how to build one. This is a big, serious science. In this chapter we will consider only some of the fundamental aspects of the art of building a family.

The main goal of family life

If you ask young people who are not yet married what the purpose of starting a family is, most likely they will answer something like this: “Well, what is the purpose? Two people love each other and want to be together!”

In principle, the answer is good. The only problem is that there is a long distance from “wanting to be together” to “being able to be together.” If you start a family with the sole purpose of “being together,” a moment like this is almost inevitable, as shown in many films. He and she are lying in the same bed, she is sleeping, and he is thinking. And so, looking at the body sleeping next to him, he wonders: “What is this completely stranger to me doing here? Why am I living with him? And can't find answers. This moment may come after ten years of marriage, maybe earlier, but it will come. The question “WHY?” will rise to its full, enormous height. But it will be too late. I should have asked myself this question earlier.

Imagine you have a friend. This person is interesting to you. You invite him to go on a trip with you. If he agrees, naturally, you will outline the purpose of the trip - among the different places where you can go, you will choose the most attractive, in the opinion of the two of you.

It happens that people feel so good with each other that they are ready to board any plane, ship or train that comes along. And this is wonderful in its own way. But what are the chances that this plane, boat or train will take you to as good a place as you can consciously designate? Maybe you will come to some bandit region, where your friend will simply be killed, and you will be left alone? After all, real life, unlike dreamy life, is full of dangers.

Family life is also like a journey. How can you go into it without setting any goal? Not only should there be a goal, it should be high enough and significant enough that you can work towards this goal all your life. Otherwise, you will achieve this goal in a certain number of years - and automatically your journey together will end. Whether after this you will be able to come up with a new goal and whether this person will agree to go with you on a new journey is still a question.

For this reason, another common goal of family life—to give birth and raise children—cannot be the main one either. You give birth to children, raise them, and as soon as they become adults, your marriage is over. He fulfilled his function. It can end in divorce or continue to exist as a living corpse... A real family, thanks to the right goal, never becomes a corpse.

A goal in travel is absolutely necessary for one more reason. Until you determine the purpose of the trip, you will not understand what qualities your companion should have. If you are traveling, say, for a beach holiday, a person with the same talents and skills will suit you. If you’re on a road trip through ancient cities, go with others. If you go hiking in the mountains - third. Otherwise, you will be bored on the beach, there will be no one to drive the car when traveling through cities, and in the mountains with an unreliable friend you may even die.

Without knowing what the purpose of family life is, you will not be able to correctly evaluate your prospective partner. How good is he to walk with him exactly the path that is planned? “Like” is an absolutely necessary, but far from sufficient quality of the chosen one. How many disappointments, broken lives due to the false belief that in a loving relationship, reason is an ugly atavism! On the contrary: without using reason, you cannot preserve love.

So what is the purpose that makes a family real?

The highest goal of a family is love.

Yes, family is a school of love. In a real family, love increases from year to year. Thus, the family is an institution ideal for people to achieve their true, only true meaning in life - to achieve perfect love.

As we have already said, according to a number of psychologists, love begins after 10-15 years of married life. Let's not take these numbers too seriously, since everyone is different, and measuring love is not so easy. The meaning of these numbers is that love is achieved in the family, and not immediately.

As Mikhail Prishvin said, “True life is the life of a person in connection with his loved ones: alone a person is a criminal, either towards the intellect, or towards the bestial instinct.” To simplify, a person alone is almost always an egoist. He only has the ability to take care of himself. Living in close communication with other people forces him to think about others, sometimes to abandon his own interests for the sake of the interests of those around him. And the closest communication is between spouses. We get to know a person very closely, with all his shortcomings, and despite his shortcomings, we try to continue to love him. Moreover, we strive to love him as ourselves and generally overcome the division into “I” and “you”, learning to think from the position of “we”. To do this, we have to overcome our selfishness, our shortcomings.

The ancient sage said: “One does not argue with those who deny the fundamentals.” When spouses have the same goal, it is much easier for them to agree with each other: they have a common basis. And what a basis! If the measure of all our big and small actions is whether we act out of love or not, and whether our action leads to an increase or decrease in love, we act truly beautifully and wisely.

When we begin to understand things correctly, we discover that the world is whole, beautiful and harmonious: the purpose of the family is completely consistent with the purpose of human life! This means that the family was invented in order to help a person achieve his main goal. God divided people into men and women to make it easier for us to love each other.

A family consists of two adults

Only two adults, independent people can form a family. One of the indicators of adulthood is overcoming dependence on parents and separation from them.

We are talking not only about material dependence, but, above all, about psychological dependence. If at least one of the spouses continues to be emotionally dependent on one of the parents, it is not possible to create a full-fledged family. Especially big problems arise for the sons and daughters of single mothers: single mothers often establish a strong, painful connection with their children and do not want to let their child go even when he has already registered his marriage.

Basic functions of the family

Loving and being loved is the main human need. And the easiest way to implement it is in the family. But for the well-being of the family, it is necessary that the remaining needs of the spouses, the fulfillment of which relates to the functions of the family, be realized. The functions of the family, which is quite obvious, include such tasks as giving birth and raising children, meeting the material needs of the family (house, food, clothing), solving household problems (repairs, washing, cleaning, buying groceries, cooking, etc. .), and also, what is less obvious, communication, emotional support for each other, leisure.

It happens that, focusing on some of the functions of the family, spouses lose sight of other functions. This leads to imbalance and problems. After all, even such a seemingly secondary function of the family as leisure, is of considerable importance, since it helps to replenish the “energy” balance of the family. A family in which everyone is constantly busy performing material and household functions, and performs these functions excellently, but does not relax together, may encounter unexpected problems.

Many Western researchers say that the most important thing to maintain a relationship is communication- the ability of two people to talk to each other heart to heart, sincerely and with trust to express their feelings and listen carefully to the other. “One of the indicators of a healthy relationship is the emergence of a large number of insignificant phrases that only make sense to the spouses,” says Josh McDowell, author of the acclaimed book Secrets of Love. Oddly enough, the reason for infidelity on the part of women is often their dissatisfaction not with the physiological side of marriage, but precisely with a lack of communication with their husband, insufficient emotional intimacy.

Emotional support is a type of communication that performs a separate function. We all need emotional support, consolation, and approval from time to time. It is generally accepted that only women need a man’s “strong shoulder,” a “stone wall.” In fact, the husband no less needs the psychological support of his wife. But the support that men and women need is somewhat different. This topic is covered very well and in detail in John Gray’s book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”

The role of sex in family life

In an “easy” relationship, sex is simply physiological pleasure caused by stimulation of erogenous zones.

Sex in a real marriage is an expression of love, a connection not only of two bodies, but at some level of souls. Sex between loving people in marriage is spiritually beautiful, it is like prayer, like prayer of gratitude to God and prayer for each other. The pleasure of sex in an “easy” relationship cannot be compared with the pleasure in marriage.

But the mere fact of registering a marriage does not guarantee that the couple will fully receive this pleasure. If people, before legal marriage, have been “practicing” irresponsible sex for a long time, and not always with loved ones, they have developed certain skills, these people are accustomed to the fact that sex is a very definite thing. Will they be able to restructure themselves internally and discover new heights of this pleasure? The longer they cohabited outside of marriage, the less likely this is.

The unity of loving people is not only a physiological process, but also a spiritual one. Therefore, the role of physiology here is not as great as in premarital “sport”. The myth that sexual compatibility is one of the fundamental points for creating a family was not born by sexologists. Experienced and honest sexologists who are not concerned with proving the importance of their own profession put sexual compatibility in its rightful place. Here's what sexologist Vladimir Fridman says:

“We must not confuse cause with effect. Harmonious sex is the result of true love. Loving spouses almost always (in the absence of illness and having the appropriate knowledge) can and should achieve harmony in bed.

Moreover, only mutual feelings can maintain sexual satisfaction for many years. Love is not a consequence, but a cause (the main condition) of intimate satisfaction. The desire to give, not to receive, drives her. And vice versa, “love” born of enchanting sex, most often a short-lived chimera, is one of the main reasons for the destruction of those families where the spouses have never learned to give each other real physiological satisfaction.

On the other hand, intimate harmony nourishes love; those who do not understand this can lose everything. The pursuit of orgasm outside of marriage without deep feelings gives rise to sexual dependency, when partners only want to receive pleasure.

Giving, not receiving, is the main slogan of love!

We can talk for a long time about the magnitude of the strength of sexual desire given to each person. Indeed, there are people with weak, medium and strong sexual constitution. It’s easier if the needs and opportunities in the family coincide, and if not, only love can help reach a reasonable compromise.”

Saul Gordon, a psychologist and director of the Institute for Family Studies and Education, says his research shows that sex ranks only ninth among the ten most important aspects of relationships, far behind such traits as caring, communication, and a sense of humor. Love comes first.

American psychologists also calculated that spouses spend less than 0.1% of their time in sexual games. That is less than one thousandth!

Intimacy in family life is a precious expression of love, but it is not the only expression and, moreover, it is not the main thing. Without complete coincidence of all physiological parameters, a family can be complete and happy. Without love - no. Therefore, arranging premarital tests for sexual incompatibility means losing more for the sake of less. It's natural to want sex with your loved one before marriage, but truly loving behavior would be to wait until after marriage.

When does family begin?

There are different situations in life... And yet, for most people, a family begins from the moment of its state registration.

There are two beneficial aspects to state registration. First, legal recognition of your marriage. This removes important questions about the paternity of children, jointly acquired property, and inheritance.

The second aspect is perhaps even more important. This is your official, public, oral and written consent to be each other’s husband and wife.

We often underestimate the power of the words we speak. We think: “The dog barks, the wind blows.” But in reality: “The word is not a sparrow; if it flies out, you won’t catch it.” And “What is written with a pen cannot be cut out with an axe.”

How have people established mutual obligations throughout human history? A promise, in a word, a mutual agreement. A word is a form of expression of thought. And thought, as we know, is material. Thought has power. A promise given even to oneself, especially in writing, already shows its power. For example, if you promise yourself not to repeat a certain bad habit, it will be much easier not to repeat it. There will be a barrier to its repetition. And if we don’t fulfill our promise, the feeling of guilt will be much stronger.

A solemn, public, oral and written oath between two people has great power. There is nothing loud in the words spoken during registration, but if you think about it, these are very serious words.

If, for example, we were asked during registration: “Do you agree, Tatyana, to spend the night with Ivan in the same bed and enjoy joint pleasure until you get tired of it”? Then, of course, there would be nothing wrong with this obligation.

But they ask us if we agree to take each other as wives (husbands)! This is a great thing!

Imagine you came to sign up for the sports section. And there they tell you: “We have a serious sports club, we work for results. We will only accept you if you make a written commitment to take no lower than third place at the World Championships or Olympics.” Perhaps, before you sign, you will think about how hard and long you will have to work to achieve such a result.

The obligation to be the wife (husband), and not of some ideal person, but of this one, alive, with flaws, actually means that we take on even more work than the one that makes people champions. But our reward will be immeasurably more pleasant than a golden circle and glory...

The modern wedding ceremony was invented a hundred years ago by the communists as a replacement for the sacrament of the wedding of the Church they were destroying. What did the communists have in their arsenal that would correspond to love? Never mind. Therefore, this whole ceremony, its standard phrases, really look pathetic and sometimes funny. One of my friends was a witness at a wedding. The receptionist says: “Young people, come forward.” My friend later told me: “Well, I don’t consider myself old”... So the three of us came forward...

But behind all these funny, stupid or boring moments, it is necessary to see the essence of marriage registration, which strengthens the strength and determination of loving people to really be together all their lives and puts barriers against the temptation to betray, which may arise in the future.

These barriers are surmountable. But still, they help us overcome our weaknesses.

What is a wedding

Couples whose marriage has already been registered by the state are allowed to get married in the Orthodox Church. This is due to the fact that until 1917 the Church also bore obligations related to the registration of births, marriages, and deaths. Since the registration function has now been transferred to the registry office, in order to avoid confusion, in the interests of those getting married, the Church asks them for a marriage certificate.

A wedding has that beauty, that grandeur that state registration lacks. But if you want to get married just for the sake of this external beauty, I think it’s better not to do it. Maybe over time you will understand more deeply what a wedding is, and then you will be able to get married for real, consciously. After all, this is not an external procedure, but something in which your mental and spiritual participation is required.

I can hardly reveal even a small part of the meaning that a wedding has. I will just note a few points briefly.

Unlike the state, the Church gives priority to issues of love and marriage. That is why the sacrament of marriage is so solemn and majestic. This is truly a great joy for all members of the Church present.

Normally, those getting married are virgins. Therefore, the Church honors their feat of abstinence and, as conquerors over their passions, crowns them with royal crowns. He who lives by passions is a slave. He who conquers passions is the king of himself and his life. The white dress and veil emphasize the purity of the bride.

But at the same time, the Church understands how difficult this undertaking is marriage. The Church knows about visible and, most importantly, invisible forces that will strive to destroy this marriage. No wonder the Russian proverb warns: “When going to war, pray; when going to sea, pray twice as much; If you want to get married, pray three times.” And possessing the power that alone can resist the forces of invisible evil, the Church, in the sacrament of marriage, gives those who are getting married God’s blessing on their marriage as a force that will strengthen and protect their love. This is truly a match made in heaven. That is why a wedding is not a ritual, but a Sacrament, that is, a mystery and a miracle.

In the words of the prayers read during the wedding, the Church wishes the spouses such great blessings that even the closest relatives would not wish them at the wedding.

The Church believes that marriage is something that extends beyond death. In heaven, people do not live a married life, but some kind of connection, some kind of intimacy between husband and wife can remain there.

To get married, you need to be baptized, believe in God, trust the Church. And it is a great happiness for those getting married if they have many believing friends who can pray for them.

How do the roles of husband and wife differ in marriage?

Men and women are not the same by nature, so it is natural that the roles of husband and wife in marriage are also different. The world we live in is not chaotic. This world is harmonious and hierarchical, and therefore the family - the most ancient of all human institutions - also lives in accordance with certain laws, a certain hierarchy.

There is a good Russian proverb: “The husband is a shepherd to his wife, the wife is a band-aid to her husband.” Normally, the husband is the head of the family, the wife is his assistant. The woman feeds the family with her emotions, the husband soothes the excess emotions with his peace. The husband is the front, the wife is the rear. The man is responsible for the family’s interaction with the outside world, that is, he provides for the family financially, protects it, the wife supports the husband, and takes care of the home. Both parents participate equally in raising children, and in household matters - to the extent possible.

This distribution of roles is inherent in human nature. The reluctance of spouses to play their natural roles, their desire to play the role of another makes people in the family unhappy, leads to material problems, drunkenness, domestic violence, infidelity, mental illness of children, and family breakdown. As we see, no technical progress cancels the action of moral laws. "Ignorance of the law is not an excuse".

The main problem of the modern family is that the man is gradually losing his role as head of the family. There are women who, for some reason, do not want to give a man his primacy. There are men who, for some reason, don’t want to take it. If you want to be happy in family life, both parties need to make an effort to ensure that the man is still the head of the family.

Everyone is free to have their own point of view on this issue, their own passions and can act as they see fit. But there are facts. And they say that families in which the head is a man practically do not turn to family psychologists: they do not have serious problems. And families in which a woman dominates or fights for power turn to psychologists in huge numbers. And not only the spouses themselves turn, but also their children, who then, due to the mistakes of their parents, cannot arrange their personal lives. On our dating site znakom.realove.ru, in the participant profile there is a question about who was the head of the parents’ family. It is significant that the overwhelming majority of women who cannot start a family grew up in families where the mother was the commander-in-chief.

The viability of the family depends on the husband and wife faithfully observing their roles. The viability of the society depends on the viability of the family. The famous American family psychologist James Dobson writes in his book: “The Western world stands at a great crossroads in its history. In my opinion, our very existence will depend on the presence or absence of male leadership.” Yes, the question is exactly this: to be or not to be. And we have already come very close to “not being.” But each of us can determine the fate of our family, to be or not to be a real family. And if we choose “to be,” we will make our contribution to the strengthening of our society and the power of the country.

There are families in which there is clearly a strong and organized wife and a weak slob husband. The wife's leadership is not even challenged. These are families created according to the so-called complementary principle, when people match their shortcomings, like puzzles. I know relatively successful examples of such families where people live together and, perhaps, will not separate. But still, this is constant torment, hidden dissatisfaction on both sides, and considerable psychological problems for children.

I also observed an example of how you can build a healthy family, even if the natural data of the spouses does not match. The wife is a phenomenally strong, powerful, tough and talented person. Her husband is younger than her and much weaker by nature, but kind and smart. Both are university professors. The wife fully demonstrates her strength in the professional field, where she has achieved great success (she is a psychologist, her name is known to almost everyone in Russia). In the family, with her husband, she is different. The palm is deliberately given to the husband. The wife “plays the retinue.” Children are taught to respect their father. The husband's final decision is the law. And thanks to such support from his wife, the husband does not look unworthy of his role; he is the actual head of the family. This is not some kind of acting or deception. It’s just that, being an experienced psychologist, she understands that this is right. Perhaps this understanding was not easy for her. Her first two marriages failed. She and her current husband have been together for about 40 years, they have three children, and there is warmth, peace and true love in the family.

In a family, the retinue makes the king not only in external terms, but also in the most genuine, psychological sense. A wise wife, choosing femininity and weakness, makes her husband more courageous and stronger. Even if the husband is not very worthy of respect, a wise wife tries to respect him for the sake of respect for spiritual laws, which, as she understands, she cannot change. She takes care of the house, that her husband and children feel good in it, and above all, psychologically. She tries to control her emotions. She does not humiliate, does not reproach, does not nag her husband. She consults with him. She does not “climb into the heat before daddy” so that both the first and last word when discussing any issue is hers. She expresses her opinion, but leaves the final decision to her husband. And he does not disparage him in cases where his decision turned out to be not the most successful.

Husband and wife are two communicating vessels. If a wife, with patience and love, shows her husband her sincere attitude towards him as the head of the family, he gradually becomes the real head.

Of course, the husband himself needs to take care of being the head of the family. Do everything possible to provide for the family financially. Do not be afraid to take decisions on serious issues and take responsibility for these decisions. A husband can also help a woman become more feminine, help her take the place that belongs to her in the family and in which she will feel like a woman.

The main strength of a man that conquers a woman is calmness, peace of mind. How to cultivate this peacefulness in yourself? Like love, spiritual peace increases as passions and bad habits are overcome.

The role of children in family life

The truth is always the golden mean. In relation to children, it is also important to avoid two extremes.

One extreme, especially characteristic of women: children come first, everything else, including the husband, comes later.

A family will remain a family only if the wife and husband always put each other first. Who should get the best piece at the table? According to the Soviet-era saying, “All the best goes to the children”? Traditionally, the best piece always went to the man. Not only because a man’s task is to provide financially for his family, and for this he needs a lot of strength, but also as a sign of his seniority. If this is not the case, if a child is taught that he is the king of the family, he grows up to be an egoist who is not adapted to life, and to family life in particular. But, most importantly, the relationship between husband and wife suffers. If the wife loves the child more, the husband seems to become a third wheel. He then looks for love on the side, and as a result the family breaks up.

The other extreme: “children are a burden, as long as we can, we’ll live for ourselves.” Children are not a burden, but a joy that cannot be replaced by anything. I know two large families. One has six children, the other seven. These are the happiest families I know. Yes, parents work there a lot. But how much love, joy, warmth there is!

In a normal family, parents do not “plan” and “regulate” how many children they will have. Firstly, many contraceptives work on the abortifacient principle. That is, they do not prevent conception, but kill an already formed embryo. Secondly, there is something above us that knows better than us how many children we need and when they will be born. Thirdly, the constant struggle for “non-conception” deprives the intimate life of spouses of the freedom and joy that they have every right to enjoy.

Your feedback

Greetings dear readers. Today we will talk about Family. This is the most important part of a person's life. The importance of Family in a person’s life cannot be overestimated. I have a lot of thoughts spinning in my head right now, but I’ll try to put everything in its place.

Actually, my wife pushed me on this topic. I looked at the life of our youth today and was horrified. And then I remembered my generation, I remembered what my parents and grandparents said. In principle, not everything is as bad as it might seem.

Of course, before, the state placed a strong emphasis on the family, education as a family is a unit of society, and so on. Then there was a big failure, but today everything is being revived. Of course people have changed, their attitude to life has changed. The very pace of life has accelerated, children are growing up at an amazing speed. But children need to be taught, let them understand what Family means. Let's look at the meaning of Family in a person's life.

What is Family?

Big family

Let's start with the simplest thing - definition. The importance of Family in a person’s life cannot be overestimated. But trying to define not only the word, but also the meaning - Family, I got a little confused. The point is that with amo definition varies greatly nowadays. This is important to understand.

Let’s say for an adult, not a family person, Family is more associated with marriage, responsibilities, material satisfaction, and so on. Anyone who already has a family will answer differently and differently. But many do not pay attention to the fact that a family is not only husband and wife, children, but also parents, grandparents, and so on.

Children see the Family differently. For them, this is the first social environment where they study, because their parents are an example for them. And it is important for parents themselves to know this. While a child lives with his parents, he learns everything from them. And the skills that he acquired will remain with him forever and will influence his future life, his family.

If you take a state, any state, then they have their own view of the family as a society. They treat the Family differently. But this is precisely what the state itself depends on. In fact, by improving the quality of life of a family, as a society, you can improve your (state) state of “health”. There are a lot of subtleties, of course, but I think you understand me.

And if we take science, then there is also a different attitude and concept of Family. Here the psychological side is considered to a greater extent. Relationships within the family and relationships in society are studied, and so on.

In fact, no matter what point of view you look at, they are all right. I would just take and combine all the views together. And that may not be enough. Each family has its own flavor. It can be said more simply. Family is the most important thing in a person’s life. It is impossible to overestimate the importance of Family in a person’s life.

Let's leave this question open and understand the meaning of Family for a person.

The importance of Family in a person's life.

Game for the whole family

No matter how a person’s fate turns out, no matter what adversity occurs, a husband or wife, parents, brothers and sisters, and so on, will always support, understand and help. And the birth of a child, even not the first, is always an event for all members of the Family. After all, a child is an extension of life, including his own.

In general, when you have your own Family, especially a large one, children, over time you begin to understand what it is and why it is. After this understanding, your soul feels good and light, realizing that you are the happiest person on the planet. And then one becomes very sorry for those people who do not have a family. After all, they grow up and live without family warmth, without love and care. These qualities cannot be bought for any money, and cannot be exchanged for anything.

A family can be compared to a small island, where you are always welcome and loved, no matter what happens. This island has its own worries, you take a break from the everyday hustle and bustle, everyone supports each other morally. Yes, I can’t even explain it in words. But this is not always the case. Sometimes families break up, and over trifles, in fact. Maintaining a family is a very responsible burden.

We need to understand this responsibility find compromises, solve unsolvable problems and issues, and much, much more. Tell me is it difficult? It’s difficult, but the result is much more pleasant: when everything is good in the family, there is a feeling of satisfaction and peace. No amount of money will give you such happiness.

Family should come first. I really feel sorry for those who put their career or anything else first. It is not right. Most often, such people are lonely and unhappy. I don’t remember anymore, but some billionaires earned their capital not because they had a career in the first place. Just the opposite. It is thanks to the support of their Family and loved ones that they have strength and confidence in what they do.

Family plays a huge role in everyone's life. Starting from infancy, you and everyone else acquires all the skills in the Family, in the circle of your loved ones. Learn to live, survive, and eventually you will form another Family. Learn again and then teach your children and so on.

Your personal condition, success in life, at work, in your personal affairs, in everything you touch depends on what kind of relationships develop within the Family. Much depends on the Family and on you personally.

Real Family.

A happy family

We discussed the importance of Family in a person’s life and its role. But how can we make sure that the Family is real and not just a word? First you need to understand that the Family must be strong and healthy, prosperous.

It’s true that many people associate well-being with money. They say the more there are, the more prosperous and everything will be fine in the family. That's not true. Well-being in the family - love, warmth of loved ones, understanding, trust, spiritual closeness. Something like that.

If there is discord in the Family, you need not to change the Family, not to destroy it (this doesn’t add up in your head at all), you need to understand each other, the children and understand what the Family lacks. We'll fix everything. There must be mutual respect and love, if it was, then it is, love does not go anywhere.

You need to maintain your relationship, take care of each other. The Family is often compared to a home. It is true. The fireplace will go out and will not heat if you do not add wood to the fire. It’s the same with family relationships. And not only between husband and wife.

But if you reject a child, then over time he will simply stop sharing his impressions with you and so on. The child will move away from his parents and the older the child is, the more difficult the relationship with him will be. So pay attention to your child, the more the better.

They live “soul to soul”.

40 years of soul to soul, respect for such people

We often hear this expression. I think this is what everyone should strive for in family relationships. Every family needs to gain a bright and good experience through the constant manifestation of care, support and love. This is the task of a person in this life.

There is such a commandment: honor your father and mother, because this is the basis of the family. If there is no respect, no care and no attention to your parents, all this will affect the family, and even the children. What is the basis of a healthy and strong family? And this is a relationship at the Soul level. Sometimes they say about people: “They live in perfect harmony” - this is a manifestation of respect, support and love for each other.

Any family that wants to be prosperous in every sense of the word must be built on love and mutual respect. When a person simply loves and shows care without demanding anything in return, spiritual unity occurs through such a manifestation of the Soul.

And such a family helps a person develop, gain bright positive experience and create spiritual matter of light in the Soul - this is exactly what a person was born for on this Earth.

Here is the answer to the question.

One of the best quotes in the world

Now I think we can answer the question: What is Family. The meaning of Family in a person’s life is now clear. I'll say it in my own words. A family is a union of two people who love each other, capable of producing new life and educating.

Family are those people who can provide support in difficult times and provide love and understanding. The existence of families is inherent in our very human nature. And no matter how much the world around us changes, we will still reach out to each other to cope with these changes.

The family is both unique in terms of deep subjective intimacy and the most widespread phenomenon in the world. Family is the mental well-being of not only oneself, but also all members of the Family.

And a lot of things. I repeat once again that the importance of family in a person’s life cannot be overestimated.

I hope I was able to explain simple truths to you and show how important this is. And no matter how many words are said above, everyone must decide for himself what is important to him and his Family, what to do and what he strives for.

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Updated: September 11, 2017 by: Subbotin Pavel

This term is studied by a variety of sciences, and each gives its own interpretation.

In sociology, the concept refers to several people who are united by blood or marriage.

In the legal sense, these are people living together and connected with each other by legal relations that arose after the official registration of marriage.

The law of the Russian Federation interprets a surname as an organized group of people connected by common life and moral responsibility.

Psychologists base the concept on personal relationships, noting the important role of upbringing and the continuity of traditions from elders to younger ones.

The term “family” has many definitions and concepts, but in general it is a unit of society that binds two people through a common life and relationships formalized by law.

How the family came to be: an excursion into history

At the dawn of evolution, people lived in communities or alone. According to scientists, the first unions began to emerge when ancient women stopped choosing alpha males and switched their attention to male breadwinners who were more faithful.

The change in priorities occurred for practical reasons - a reliable man could provide food for a woman and children throughout her life. It was calmer with him.

While the alpha males fought for women, the breadwinners brought meat and skins to their chosen ones and set up a home. Therefore, representatives of the fairer sex quickly figured out who was more profitable to live with.

Historians interpret meaning a little differently than lawyers or sociologists. In their opinion, a group of people who have a common ancestor can safely be called a cell of society.

Each cell has several components.

• The basis. Marriage plays this role. The conclusion of a formal union ensures that both parties have established marital rights and responsibilities.
• System of relations. This includes not only relationships between spouses, but also family ties - children, brothers, mothers-in-law, and so on. There are about 70% of these in Russia.
• Compound. Legislative legal acts list in detail the circle of persons forming one clan. In different types of codes - labor, civil or any other, the composition of this cell is different.

Features and functions

We were able to define the concept of a modern family, now let’s talk about its features and functions:

Any social unit is determined by the presence of the following characteristics:

• officially registered marriage;
• maintaining a common household, living together;
• acquisition of material assets;
• the presence of close, intimate relationships;
• the presence of one or more children.

Functions:

• Continuation of the family. The reproductive function is the most important, it is inherent in us by nature. And thanks to the traditions that have developed in society, the purpose of marriage is to give birth and raise children.
• Creation and accumulation of common material assets, joint farming.
• Upbringing. The goal is to educate and educate your children, instill in them moral values, norms of behavior in society, and also adapt them to normal life in it.
• Preservation of traditions and values. They help strengthen and preserve connections, ensure continuity of generations and shape the history of the family. Unions that have their own family traditions are more closely connected, because different generations of people interact more with each other.

Family structure

As a result of the development of society, scientists have identified several types of unions.

• By the number of partners - monogamous and polygamous. The former represent a union of one woman and one man, the latter allow living with several partners at the same time. Most families are monogamous. Religion often contributes to this. In the Orthodox tradition, the love of one man and one woman is sealed by marriage.
• According to the structure of family ties - simple and nuclear. In simple ones, parents and their children live together, and in nuclear ones, several generations lead a common household.
• By the number of children - childless, small children and large families.
• By type of residence. If the newlyweds live with the wife's parents, it is matrilocal; if they live with the husband's parents, it is patrilocal. Separately living spouses belong to the neolocal type.
• According to the form of government - matriarchy, patriarchy, democracy. In a matriarchal system, the woman dominates. She takes most of the responsibility and makes most of the decisions. In a patriarchal system, all power is concentrated in the hands of men. In a democracy, both spouses bear equal responsibility and make decisions jointly.
• By social status – young, adopted, established.
• In terms of moral and psychological state – prosperous, unfavorable.
• According to financial status - wealthy or poor.

Family resources and their types

This term refers to all property, material assets, sources of income of the husband and wife.

Resources can be divided into several categories.

• Material. These include real estate, cars, household appliances, valuables, and jewelry. Each clan strives to acquire certain resources, as they ensure comfortable living for its members.
• Labor. All relatives do some kind of housework: cooking, cleaning, repairs, etc. All this put together is called labor resources.
• Financial – cash, bank accounts, securities, shares, deposits. Financial resources make it possible to purchase material ones.
• Informational. They are also called technological, since they represent the technology for doing some household chores. For example, a mother prepares food and teaches her daughter or son to cook in the same way. In different cells of society, technological processes occur differently, and therefore the resources differ. The peculiarity of these processes is that they often develop into traditions.

Resources are an important component that allows us to solve various everyday problems, achieve desired goals and satisfy people’s needs.

Why is a family necessary?

Human psychology is such that he cannot do it alone; he definitely needs close people who love him and whom he loves.

The family, as already mentioned above, is the cell of society, its structural unit. Its role is to satisfy human needs, not only in the material and physical planes, but also in the spiritual.

When forming a new couple, the spiritual component comes first, since two people are in love, they like to spend time with each other, share their thoughts and experiences. In such a union, a person receives love, understanding, support, without which it is difficult to live in society.

The emotional component of a social unit consists of feelings. For some, love and mutual understanding predominate, for others, negative emotions predominate - reproaches, resentments, anger, etc.

It is believed that all unions go through different stages of their existence - falling in love, getting used to it, the stage of tolerance. Mature couples who have lived together for many years and survived all stages come to true love. Many fall apart during the grinding-in stages, when many conflicts arise.

What is a modern family and what is its significance?

Unlike the times of the USSR, modern unions are autonomous and closed to society. Intervention in their affairs occurs only in extreme cases, when this cell becomes destructive. In Soviet times it was more open to the state. Supervisory authorities monitored the development of every officially formalized relationship between citizens. When conflicts and divorces arose, they intervened and tried to influence, took possible steps to resolve quarrels and save the marriage.

Distinctive features: the uniqueness of modern unions

Today, it is impossible to define a family unambiguously due to the different types - Swedish, adopted, open, and so on. The essence of relations between the sexes has long gone beyond the classical formula: one woman, one man and children. In the Russian Federation, same-sex and Swedish marriages are prohibited, but in some foreign countries they are recognized by law, and this phenomenon is considered the norm.

Let us note some features that characterize the unions of our country over the past 25 years:

• Increase in the number of legal marriages. Young couples increasingly prefer to formalize their relationship at the registry office, although the institution of civil marriage still remains.
• Increasing the age of marriage. The average age of newlyweds is 22 years, while 30-40 years ago newlyweds barely reached adulthood, and 50 years ago our grandparents got married even earlier: at 15-16 years old. The growing up of newlyweds is associated with the need to obtain higher education and the need to improve their everyday life. Modern youth in most cases think about a career and preparing the ground for marriage.
• Later birth of children after the formalization of the relationship. According to statistics, the birth of the first child occurs in the 3-5th year of marriage.
• The desire to live separately from parents. Since Tsarist Russia and the Soviet Union, several generations have lived in the same house. After the wedding, the newlyweds did not strive to separate and lived with the parents of the wife or husband, leading a common life and even a budget. Modern couples strive to start living separately as quickly as possible.
• Showing interest in traditions. Modern youth are increasingly thinking about their roots, origins and ancestors. It has become popular to compile your own family tree, pedigree. This surge of interest is normal. At a certain period in the life of the country, it was not customary to talk about origin, especially to those whose ancestors were not peasants, but princes, landowners and merchants. You can preserve your traditions and strengthen your family ties by creating a family tree. The House of Genealogy will help with this. The company’s specialists will find information about ancestors and relatives in the archives and prepare a genealogical book, which can become not only a good gift, but also a real heirloom.

The state in the 21st century pays more attention to the development of the family institution, improving its quality, and developing spiritual values. Today, marriage is a sign of a person’s well-being, his support and support. Times change, but the basic principles of building relationships between a man and a woman remain unchanged: love, mutual respect, trust and care.

The role of family in human life

It has a huge impact on the children who live in it. It helps you determine your moral guidelines. Despite the fact that in kindergartens, schools, sections and clubs, teachers strive to convey to the little person basic knowledge, skills, moral truths, and the experience of mom and dad, their attitude towards each other plays a major role in shaping the child’s personality.

Parents and grandparents lay down:

• ability to love;
• understanding your traditions;
• attitude towards people, including the opposite sex;
• the ability to appreciate help and provide it yourself;
• line of behavior in society and the ability to live harmoniously in it.

Only among loved ones and relatives does a person feel protected. He feels needed and this gives a person self-confidence. Helps him overcome difficulties and cope with failures.

The family is the beginning of everything, it is the connection between past generations and current ones. Each unit of society has characteristic features: the presence of marriage, children, maintaining a common household. It is where a person, his views, skills, and spiritual values ​​are formed. And our task is to do everything to preserve it.

How happy the young people are at the wedding, how happy they are that they met each other. Everyone wishes them: “Advice and love!” And people who have lived together say: “Be patient!” Young people - again: “Love you, love!” And those who have already lived: “Patience to you!”

This always surprises me at weddings. “What kind of patience are they talking about? - I thought, “Love, love!” And I really want those couples who start a family to be happy. I really want their happiness to last for the rest of their lives.

Have I seen such families? I saw it! And not only in photographs of the royal family. It is possible, but it has become rare. Why? Not ready. We now very often have the following attitude: “Take everything from life! Make the most of it today! Don't think about tomorrow."

Family is something else. Family involves sacrificial love. It involves the ability to listen to another person, to sacrifice something for the sake of another. This goes against what is now being taught through the media. Now the maximum that is said is: “they began to live well and make good money.” That's all. Have fun! How to treat each other in family life? Unclear. We'll see how it goes.

Why does a young family begin to fall apart? What does she face, what difficulties?

Trying out new statuses

Before marriage, during the so-called “period of conquest,” young people are always in a good mood, look good, smile, and are very friendly. When they have already signed, they see each other day after day as they are in real life.

I remember how one psychologist said this: “It is impossible for a person to walk on his toes all his life.” During the premarital period, he walks on his toes. But in a family, if a person walks on his toes all the time, sooner or later his muscles will cramp. And he will still be forced to stand up on his full foot and start walking as usual. It turns out that after marriage, people behave as usual, which means that not only the best in our character begins to appear, but also the bad that, unfortunately, happens in our character, which we ourselves would like to get rid of. And at this moment, when a person becomes real, and not like someone standing in a store window, some difficulties arise.

But it is not normal for a person to always be in a blissful state. That is, loving people begin to see each other in different states: in joy, in anger, looking great, and not so great. Sometimes in a rumpled robe, sometimes in sweatpants. If before a woman always looked beautiful, then after marriage she begins to put on beauty and the like in the presence of her husband. That is, those things that were previously hidden became visible. There is irritation and, in a sense, disappointment. Why was there a fairy tale before, but now gray everyday life has come? But that's normal! There was simply no need to create castles in the air.

Now you need to understand, accept the person completely as he is. With its advantages and its disadvantages. At the moment when a person begins to show not only his strengths, but also his shortcomings, new roles of husband and wife appear. And this state is completely new for a person who has just entered into a marriage. Of course, before marriage, before the wedding, every person imagined what kind of husband or wife he would be, what kind of father or mother he would be. But this is at the level of simply ideas, ideals. While in a marriage, a person behaves the way it turns out. And compliance with the ideal either works out or it doesn’t work out. Of course, not everything turns out the best from the very beginning.

For clarity, I will give an example. One woman said very wisely: “There is no such person who would get on figure skates for the first time and immediately go and start performing complex elements.” Well, that doesn't happen. He will definitely fall and get bumps. The same is true when starting a family. People entered into an alliance and immediately became the best husband and wife in the world. It doesn't happen that way. You will still have to endure pain, and fall, and cry. But you will have to get up. That's life. This is fine.

The husband is expected to behave differently from the groom. And the wife is also expected to behave differently from the bride. Please note that even the manifestation of love should be different in the family from the manifestation of love in a premarital relationship. Answer this question for yourself - if the groom puts a bouquet of flowers on his bride before marriage, climbing up a drainpipe to the third floor, how will this be perceived by other people? “Wow, how he loves her, he just lost his head from love!” Now imagine that the husband, who has the key to this apartment, does the same. He climbs to the third floor to place a bouquet of flowers. In this case, everyone will say: “He’s kind of strange.” In the second case, this will be perceived not as a virtue, but as an oddity in his thinking. They'll wonder if he's sick.

It would seem like a small thing, like presenting a bouquet of flowers. But the expectations from the groom and from the husband are completely different. Why? Yes, because love in marriage is completely different. Here everything is more serious, more demanding, much more tolerance, prudence, and calm must be shown. Completely different qualities are expected. If we return to the original question, premarital relations and the beginning of family life are completely different stages in the life of a family. But the beginning of a family, it seems to me, is more interesting, because it is already real life. Premarital relationships are preparation for a fairy tale, and family life is already the beginning of a fairy tale. Which will be happy or unhappy, but it depends on you.

The difference between a man and a woman in their understanding of love and family

A man and a woman feel differently at the very beginning of family life. Many women have a desire to maintain the style of premarital relationships, so that the man always gives them compliments, flowers, and gifts. Then she believes that he truly loves her. And if he doesn’t give gifts or give compliments, a suspicion arises: “He’s probably fallen out of love.” And the young wife begins to peer at him and ask questions. And the man doesn’t understand why the woman is so restless, what happened.

When psychologists began to study this issue, it turned out that at any stage of family development it is important for a woman that the man tells her something good and friendly. A woman is designed in such a way that she needs verbal support. And men are more rational. And when men are asked about faded feelings, they are surprised, and the majority say so: “But we signed, it’s a fact. After all, this is the most important proof of love. It’s clear, what else can I say?”

That is, a man and a woman have a different approach. A woman needs proof every day. And therefore the man does not understand what happens to her every day. But it doesn’t cost him anything to bring one flower and give it as a gift. And the woman will blossom after this, move mountains! This is important to her, but the man doesn’t get it. One man said that when a woman becomes angry, he does not attack her, but tells her: “Even though you are angry, I still love you. You are so beautiful! What happens to the woman? She melts and says: “It’s impossible to talk to you seriously.” You just need to feel each other and say the necessary words. Since a woman is more emotional, we need to give her this emotional support.

They began to look further, and it turned out that even the very concept of “loving and being together” is understood differently by a man and a woman. There is such a family of psychologists, husband and wife Kronik. They explored the question of how men and women understand what it means to be together. When entering into marriage, a man and a woman say: “I am marrying for love. I love this man. And I want to always be with him." It would seem that we speak the same language, we say the same thing. But it turns out that a man and a woman put different meanings into these words. Which?

The first and most common. When a woman says “to love and be together,” her idea can be depicted as the following model. If you draw circles (they are called Eller circles): one circle and a second circle shaded inside it. This is what it means for a woman to “be together.” She tries to be at the center of the life of her beloved man. Such women often say: “I love you so much that if you are not in my life, then it loses its meaning.” This is the same type of relationship when a woman in family life begins to cry or runs to a psychologist. She doesn't understand what's happening. “But we agreed to be together,” she says.

If you look from the Orthodox point of view, the law has been violated here: the Gospel says “Thou shalt not make for yourself an idol.” This woman makes her husband not just a husband and a loved one, she puts him above God. She seems to be saying to him, “You are everything to me.” This is a violation of spiritual law!

From a psychological point of view, such a woman in this relationship takes the role of a mother, and makes a child out of her husband. She re-educates her husband to the level of a capricious child. “Watch how I cook. You're wearing porridge, you're wearing soup. Look how good I am at cleaning. Shall we give this or that? Just love me! Let me rock you to sleep and sing you a song.” And the man gradually turns from the head of the family into a child. Who wouldn't want to be carried in their arms?

Several years pass, and the woman begins to shout: “I gave you my whole life, and you are ungrateful!” “Listen,” says the man, “I didn’t ask you to do this.” And he is absolutely right. She grabbed him in her arms, carried him, and then burst into tears. Who is to blame here? A man should be the head of the family, and the wife should behave in such a way that he feels like the Head. She shouldn't raise him to be a capricious child. You must be able to love!

The second type of family, common in godless Russia, depicted using Eller circles. One shaded circle. The “don’t take a step away from me, and I won’t leave your side” style. Such a family is like a prison. Once, in a student sketch, one student described this situation as follows: the wife seemed to be saying to her husband, “To the leg, to the leg!” She says this to the head of the family, her husband! But he’s not a dog! Why "to the leg"? At the same time, a woman comes to a family consultation and says: “You know, I suffer so much, and he is so ungrateful. He doesn’t appreciate me at all!” At the same time, she sincerely believes that she is suffering. And she doesn’t understand that her strongest love is for herself. The husband is treated with a humiliating attitude, not as the head of the family, but as someone to whom one can say “Be silent!” and “To your feet!”

The next version of love and interpretation of the concept of “being together”. This option is the most normal and humane. If you depict the relationship as wedding rings, they will overlap each other a little. That is, husband and wife are together, but not like in the second case, when the family is like a prison. Here the woman understands that her husband is an independent person, he has the right to his experiences, his actions. They don’t always have to walk toe-to-toe and look in the same direction; there must be respect for each other, trust. If a man is not at home for some time, this does not mean that he is doing something indecent. There is no need to tell him “Where have you been?.. And now again, but honestly!” There must be a certain freedom, trust in each other. And a woman feels more comfortable, more comfortable, when a man is not always in front of her eyes. I would like to draw your attention to the fact that love is still giving another person the opportunity to do something without you. This does not make the other person a stranger, this makes him grow up, he gains new information, his life becomes richer. A person communicates at his work, he reads books that he likes. Having processed all this, he becomes more interesting in the family, becomes more mature.

Now let's see how men understand what “being together” means. It turned out that the most common option is the following. If you draw two circles, they will be at a distance from each other, and will be united by something in common: basically, a man and a woman are united by their place of residence (apartment). What does it mean? A man is more independent. He needs more freedom in life. This does not mean that he is not a home person. A man values ​​family life very much. He just needs a normal family environment. He does not need a hysterical wife, tossing about, who sees her life in raising her husband as a student. He doesn’t need someone who reproaches her all her life and then says, “Why don’t you appreciate me?”

This misunderstanding between a man and a woman, when they have different understandings of what it means to “be together,” is felt especially acutely in the first year of marriage. Because of this, women suffer more often. That's why I turn to them. If a man is not always in front of your eyes, do not take it as a tragedy. Moreover, a man must assert himself at work. If he asserts himself in his work, in his profession, he becomes much softer in the family. If something doesn’t work out for him at work, then he behaves more harshly in the family. Therefore, do not be jealous of his work. This is also a mistake. Husband and wife should not inhale and exhale at the same time. And in life it’s the same, everyone should have their own rhythm, but they should be together. Unity must occur at the level of trust and respect for the other person.

I sometimes suggest to some women: “Imagine that a man would say unpleasant things to you from morning to evening, teach you something from morning to evening.” Such things never occur to women. Women do not understand at all that she is not the teacher in the family, and her husband is not a poor student. It's the other way around: he is the head of the family, and she should be his assistant. To teach him is not according to the commandments, it is a violation of spiritual laws.

There are physical laws, and there are spiritual ones. Both are God's. Both of them are not cancelled. There is a law of universal gravity. They threw a stone, it should fall to the ground. A heavy stone is thrown and it will hit very hard. The same applies to spiritual laws. Whether we know them or not, they still act. The elders write that “A woman’s rule over a man is blasphemy against God,” fighting against God. If a woman does not behave according to the commandments, she will suffer. Women, come to your senses! Start behaving like you're supposed to. Everything will come to life and line up as it should.

Monotone

In the first year of family life there is such a difficulty as monotony. If before marriage you met occasionally with each other, there were dates, and at that time both were in high spirits, everything was festive. In family life, it turns out that they see each other every day. And they see them in all sorts of ways, both in a good mood and in a bad one, they see them ironed, ironed and not ironed at all. As a result of monotony, monotony, emotional fatigue accumulates. We must learn to organize holidays for ourselves. Just drop everything and go out of town together. A different setting, nature, and you both calmed down. Just a change of impressions. And when people return from such a trip, everything is different. Many problems no longer seem as global as before, and everything is simpler. The most important thing is that it should be together, and that we relax together, throw off this monotony, get rid of the monotony.

Hypertrophy of small things

As a result of monotony, emotional fatigue sets in, and the so-called “hypertrophy of little things” begins. That is, trifles begin to irritate.

A woman is annoyed that a man, when returning home, does not hang his jacket on his hanger, but throws it somewhere. Another woman is annoyed that the toothpaste is not squeezed out in the middle, but from above or below (that is, not where she is used to). And it starts to irritate me to the point of nervous chills. A man also begins to be annoyed by certain things. For example, why does she spend so much time talking on the phone? Moreover, before marriage he was touched by this. “It’s amazing how sociable she is, how they love her, how many people are drawn to her, and she chose me.” In marriage, the same thing is annoying to the point of nervous trembling. “What can you talk about on the phone for so many hours? - he asks. - No, tell me - about what? When married couples come for consultation, you see that they are not ready to compromise, they can hardly physically restrain themselves. Husband and wife often turn to each other with the question: “Do you understand that these are little things? Well, if it’s not that important, why is it so hard for you to give in to me?”

First of all, the position where someone else has to rebuild for me is not a smart position. Even in ancient times, people said, “If you want to be happy, be happy.” This does not mean that the whole world should be restructured for our convenience. There must be basic patience and self-control. Well, what difference does it make how a man squeezes out the paste? It’s not a tragedy on a global scale that he hung his clothes on a chair and not on a hanger. You can react differently without going into hysterics.

What else is starting to happen? There is a need to run a household. If before you could do nothing at home, or do it occasionally, because you were a child, now everything turned out to be different. Previously, they told you: “You will still work hard in life, for now you need to rest.” And when families are created, the classic option is this: the young wife can only boil an egg or potatoes, fry an egg, heat up cutlets, and the husband can do about the same. Is this readiness for family life? Basic cooking of dinner becomes a feat. Remember the movie, Munchausen says, “Today I have a feat on my schedule”? Then everything in the family becomes a feat. Even banal cooking. Mama used to do everything, but now some responsibilities have fallen. This is very annoying if you are not ready, if you are used to using it.

What to do in this situation? Grow up! Rebuild! You need to make an effort on yourself. It’s elementary, if you remember the stage when children move from kindergarten to school, and they have new responsibilities, new lessons, so much time needs to be prepared. Well, this is not the reason why people drop out of school! They learn and move on and on.

Just laugh at this little thing, turn it all into a joke. This is on the one hand. On the other hand, meet each other halfway. This is no longer such a global problem, because you can listen to another person. This is the most reasonable thing. There is such a phrase - “I will die, but I will not bow down.” Well, why die standing, when it’s so easy to come up and hang your jacket in the right place, if it so irritates another person, especially a loved one? After all, he will be grateful to you, and the evening will turn out to be happier and there will be no scenes. The same for women. If she feels that her husband is annoyed by her long conversations on the phone, she must give in to him.

Who is the head of the family or what is Caesar's?

In the first year, it is determined who will be the head of the family. Husband or wife? Very often, women who marry for love begin their family life by pleasing their husbands. It’s so natural: when you love, to do good to another person. Many women get carried away. They begin to behave in the spirit of “I will do everything myself. After all, the main thing is that you feel good.” If she needs to clean up, of course, she does it herself. To the store? No need, she herself. If the husband offers help, he immediately says “no need, no need, I’ll do it myself.” If a man starts to decide something, the woman also tries to take an active part, “I think so,” “let’s do as I say.” She, simply put, does not understand at this moment that she is unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) trying to take on the role of head of the family.

Many women who get married behave the same way at a wedding, when the newlyweds are supposed to bite off a piece of a loaf. They try so hard to take a bigger bite. They shout at her: “Bite more!” And the woman tries to swallow as much as possible. According to the Moscow proverb: “The wider you open your mouth, the more you bite off.” So they try to open their mouth wider, to the point of dislocation. They don't even know that a family tragedy begins here. This is the beginning of multi-generational family pain. Why? It is normal for a man to be the head of the family (whether he understands it or not). The woman is weak. The man himself is more rational, cold-blooded, calm. His thinking is different. Women are more emotional, we feel more, but we capture more breadth rather than depth. Therefore, the family council should be in the family: one takes more width, the other takes more depth. One is more at the level of cold reason, the other - at the level of the heart, feelings. Then there is fullness, warmth, comfort.

If a woman, without realizing it, takes over the role of leader from a man, the following happens: she changes, loses her femininity, becomes masculine. Please note that a woman in love and loving can be seen from afar. She is very gentle, the embodiment of femininity and motherhood, calm and peaceful. If we take emancipated modernity, then in many families matriarchy now reigns, in which the leader of the family is a woman. Why?

Very often, women come for a consultation and say, “Where can I get them, real men. I would be happy to marry someone like that, but where can I find him?” When you start to analyze the situation, it turns out that with her attitude towards life and her behavioral characteristics, only the man who shuts up and steps aside can survive without a heart attack. Because someone must be sane. He thinks: “I’d better keep quiet, because I can’t shout over her.” She shouts to him: “What kind of husband are you?!” And he was simply deaf from her scream. “Yes, here I am. Calm down. You will see that you are not alone. Just feel that you are a woman.”

A woman should be feminine, soft and not hysterical. Warmth should emanate from it. A woman's task is to keep the home. But what kind of keeper is she if this is a tsunami, a typhoon, a small Chechen war within the family territory? A woman needs to come to her senses, remember that she is a woman!

Women ask me the question, “What should I do if he doesn’t take on the role of head?” Firstly, it must be said that our boys are not trained to be the head of the family. It was before, before 1917, that the boy was told: “When you grow up, you must become the head of the family, you will answer to God, just as your wife (she is a weak vessel) was behind you.” You will answer how the children felt behind your back (they are small, after all). You will have to answer to God what you did to make it good for all of them.” They told him: “You are a protector! You must protect your family, your homeland." Orthodoxy teaches us that there is no higher honor than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. It's an honor! Because you are a man. And now they say: “Just think! Do you want to join the army? You will die there! Are you crazy or what?!” Now they are brought up in the spirit: “You are still small, you still have to live for yourself.”

And this “little one” starts a family. And everything would be fine, he could become the head of the family if there was a feminine woman nearby. There should be a wife nearby who was raised in Orthodox traditions, who knows that her task is to be such a wife that you want to return to her house, because she is there, because she is kind and loving, and not shy away from her with the words “Lord "Have mercy." She should be the kind of mother that her children can come to her for help, and not run away from her when they see how bad she is in a mood. She must be a housewife so that it would not be a feat for her to prepare food. You see, when a man marries a feminine woman, the family structure goes differently. And in a family with an emancipated woman, the following situation often occurs. She says: “You didn’t listen to me last time, and it turned out badly. So be smart, listen to me now! Haven’t you realized yet that you’re fat (knock-knock-knock) compared to me?”

When I was studying at the institute, our teacher once said: “Girls, remember for the rest of your life: an intelligent man and an intelligent woman are not the same thing.” Why? An intelligent person has erudition and extraordinary thinking. An intelligent woman does not show off her intelligence when communicating, especially in the family. She tries to carefully find the very solution, the softest, most painless, that would suit everyone in the family, to help her husband, and so that everything would be peaceful and calm. Many of our women do not behave smartly. They go into a frontal attack, they act like fighters in the ring, women's boxing begins. What does a man do? He steps aside. “If you want to fight, well, fight.”

Moscow psychologist (may she rest in heaven) Tamara Aleksandrovna Florenskaya said a wonderful phrase: “In order for your husband to be a real man, you must become a real woman yourself.” We need to start with ourselves. This, of course, is difficult, but without this you won’t get a real man next to you. When a woman is constantly stressed and hysterical, the man tries to step aside so as not to go deaf.

It's so simple. When a woman comes to her senses and begins to change, at first the man tensely waits for the usual scenes and begins to ask: “Are you all right?” But then, when she really changes, then the husband finally begins to behave like a man, because he is given the opportunity to behave not like a whipping boy, but like a real man. And then, since the parents behave like normal husband and wife, the children calm down. Peace comes to the family, everything falls into place.

Some women say, “How can I act like a helpmate? I can't! Neither my grandmother nor my mother behaved like that. I never saw this before my eyes.”

Really, how? Everything is banal and very simple - you should not stick out your “I” and put it at the forefront, but simply love and take care of the other. Then the heart begins to tell.

For example, a woman says, “I’m discussing family issues with him, but I still make the right decision. Why lie then? Why waste time on this? This is how a smart man behaves, but a stupid woman behaves, because she digs a grave for her family. She seems to be saying: “I don’t see you point blank. What did someone say? Are you? What did you squeak there?

Is this how they treat the head of the family? For example, one very smart woman answers my question: “How do you talk to your husband?” She says: “I will tell you the options that came to my mind, but the decision is up to you. You are the head." She told him how she sees the situation, and he makes the decision. And it is right!

I understand that this is difficult to say. A modern woman is more likely to break down and act according to the principle “I will die, but I will not bow down.” And the family falls apart.

It's normal for a woman to turn to a man for advice. And the man begins to get used to the fact that he is in charge, what will be asked of him. When there are children, it is normal to tell the child: “Ask daddy. As he says, so it will be. After all, he’s our boss.”

When children get naughty, it is correct to say: “Quiet, dad is resting. He was at work. Let's be quiet." These are little things, but they are what make up a happy family. You have to learn how to do this. This is how a smart woman, a homemaker, behaves. Next to such a woman, a man turns from an inexperienced boy into a leader. It is precisely this kind of family, according to a survey of sociologists and psychologists, that is strong, because everything is in its place.

Relationships of a young family with relatives

Family psychologists who have studied a lot of young families have come to the conclusion that it is better to live separately from their parents. With modern upbringing, if a young family begins to live separately, this does not have such a painful effect on how they master their roles than if they lived with their parents.

I'll explain why. Modern people are very infantile. Very often, people who create families are still determined to be children, so that mom and dad will carry them in their arms, so that mom and dad will solve their problems. If there is not enough money, they can help. If you can’t buy clothes, they have to buy more clothes. If the situation is not good enough, they will help with the furniture. And if there is no apartment, they should rent an apartment. This attitude is selfish. Their parents, like small children, should carry them in their arms and push them in strollers. This is wrong, because when you create your own family, these are two adults who may soon have their own children. They themselves must carry someone in their arms. When starting a family, it is necessary in advance, before marriage, before the wedding, to think about where the newlyweds will live. It’s better to find an opportunity and try to earn money in advance. It is advisable to rent an apartment and live separately for at least the first six months, not at the expense of your parents, but at your own expense.

Why have psychologists come to the conclusion that with modern upbringing, it is better to start family life separately? When a family is created, young people must learn the role of husband or wife. These roles must be agreed upon. But it’s not possible for everything to go smoothly right away. And to become a good wife, a woman must experience for herself what it means to be a good wife. This is still an unusual state for her. It's the same for a man. Being a husband is unusual, but he is the head of the family, a lot is expected of him. Just recently there was so much freedom, but now there are only responsibilities. A man needs to get used to this. Young spouses need to coordinate their actions so that communication between husband and wife is a joy. And in these painful moments, when everything doesn’t always work out, it’s better for young people to live separately. When one person comes to another family after marriage, he must not only find a common language with this particular person. He will have to join the life of another family that has lived without him for many years. For example, let’s remember the relationship in a school class when a new student arrives. Everyone had been together for a long time, and then a new one came. At first, everyone looks at him. And it happens, like in the movie “Scarecrow”. If a person is different from others, then repressive measures are necessarily taken against him, his strength is tested. They'll see how he behaves. Why? He is different, and we need to see how much we can find a common language with him.

The Japanese even have a saying: “If a nail sticks out, it is hammered in.” What does it mean? If a person stands out in some way, they try to fit him into the general standard so that he becomes like everyone else. It turns out that a person who comes to another family, in which all relationships have already been established, experiences more difficulties. He has to build relationships not only with one person, husband or wife, but also with other relatives. He is no longer on an equal footing; it is more difficult for him.

When young people get married, they look at each other and think that a family is two people. And there are also numerous relatives there, and each has their own idea of ​​how to behave with this family: what time to visit them and leave, in what tone to speak, how often to intervene. And these problems with new relatives can be quite painful.

How do modern youth behave? Very often she was brought up in a system of democracy, in the values ​​of universal equality. Elderly people have lived their lives, they have a wealth of experience. What kind of equality is there? What kind of familiar pat on the shoulder? There must be respect for adults! But even adults now have their own distortions. It is written in the Gospel that “a man will leave his father and his mother, and the two will become one flesh.” A person must leave his parents. They have the right to interfere in the life of a child when he does not have his own family. When he has his own family, he is, as they say, “a cut piece.” The family must make decisions independently, at its family council. It is not allowed to approach them so actively with advice.

Problems especially often arise when the mother interferes in the life of a young family. A man, unlike a woman, rarely interferes in the family of his child. What is the mother's mistake? The only mistake is that it helps in the wrong way. Of course, you need to help, but not at the level of humiliation and reproaches. The same thing can be said at the level of a reprimand, a public slap in the face. And the same can be said very carefully, one on one. “Daughter, I wanted to talk to you.” When this is said with love, the heart always responds. When this is said with the wrong internal attitude, a person begins to reject it. We must learn to help another person. Not at the level of a ruler who carries a whip and beats, but at the parental level, having many years of experience behind her and mentoring them, fledgling chicks, helping with advice. They will definitely hear!

And one more thing: many young people now, when they start families, begin to call their new parents not “mom” and “dad,” but by their first name and patronymic. Their motivation is as follows: “Well, you know, I have a dad and a mom. And it’s hard for me to say “mom” and “dad” to strangers.” This is not true! We have official and informal styles of clothing, there is a classic suit and there is homewear. The official style also presupposes official communication by name and patronymic; here it is indecent to address people by name. This style of communication sets a distance. If in a family where there are close relationships, communication takes place at the level of an official reception, then a distance immediately appears. And then the question: why are they treating me with arrogance? It’s normal, if you’re well-bred, to call your new parents “Mom” and “Dad.” “Mommy”, “daddy”, and the answer will be involuntarily - “daughter” or “son”. As it comes back, so will it respond. There is a law in psychology: if you want to change your attitude towards yourself, change your attitude towards this person. We must feel another person's heart.

It can be very difficult. Many women in consultations say: “He has such a mother! It is impossible to stand it. Why should I love her? You understand, if you lack so much kindness, at least love her because she gave birth to and raised such a son for you. She gave birth. And she raised it. And now you married him. For this alone you should be grateful to her. Start with this at least, and the other person will feel it. Necessarily! As it comes back, so will it respond. You need to love your relatives, and not immediately arrange transformations: “I came, and now everything will be different. We’ll rearrange this, plant flowers here, replace the curtains.” If this family lived its own way, and you came to this family, you must respect it. You need to start by loving other people and learning to give love. Don't demand, but give!

This is the task of the first year of family life. It's very hard. If a person was raised in Orthodoxy, this is natural for him. If he was brought up in a modern way: in the spirit of “live, take everything from life,” then these are continuous problems. As a result, the first year ends, and you think, “Before this, life went on calmly, like in a fairy tale. And there are so many problems here. Let's get a divorce." And people get divorced, not realizing that family life can be very happy, you just have to work hard, and then the payoff can be huge. If you break off this sprout at the very beginning of family life, you will have sharp edges and thorns all your life. That is, you need to let the family get stronger, gain strength, so that it gives you warmth.

This painful moment of family formation is common. For example, a baby learns to walk, he gets up and falls, gets up and falls. But this does not mean that now he should not learn to walk. The young family is also learning to walk. But there is this peculiarity. When a baby learns to walk, an adult needs to stand next to him, constantly provide backup, and take him by the hand. In the case of a young family, they should hold each other's hands. Together, husband and wife. Psychologists recommend starting to learn to walk separately from other relatives. When they learn to walk with one leg, figuratively speaking, then it turns out that they can move on to the next step. After some time, after living separately, you can move in with your parents. And the money that was spent on paying for the apartment can already be spent on other things.

In addition, a separate life helps young spouses grow up. I started with the fact that some of our young people, and even the majority, when they start family life, still have consumer attitudes. “Give me, give me, give me! I’m still a child, I’m still small and there’s no demand from me.” But imagine if a person ended up on a desert island. Who will pay attention to whether you are small or big, whether you know how to cook or not? You'll have to look around to find something you can eat, and then you'll have to look for a way to cook it. After all, you won’t eat raw fish, the same as it washed up on the shore? You are forced to find opportunities, learn how to cook food, how to arrange your life. When young people begin to live separately, it is as if they are on that same desert island. It depends only on them what they will eat, how they will live, how they will build relationships. This helps you grow up much faster. And infantile attitudes, such as “carry me in your arms,” must be removed. This is reasonable, and I think parents should not interfere with this. Of course, you want everything to be fine for your children, you want to grab them in your arms. But it's time for them to grow up. Listen to this. Of course, there are cases when young people have already matured internally, when they can build their relationships while being in the family of their parents. But for most young people this is very difficult. These are additional problems.

The birth of a child

Second stage, second step. First year. A child appears in the family. I do not take the case of so-called “simulated” marriages (this is when the bride is pregnant and therefore the marriage takes place). Previously, in Rus' this was considered a shame. Why? The word “bride” means “unknown”, synonyms are mystery, purity. Her clothes are white, a sign of purity. In our case, which bride is unknown? Recently I was shown a fashion magazine for a pregnant bride. Different wedding dress options for pregnant brides. They simply teach them consciously and systematically to debauchery. Previously, this was at the level of shame, but now it is par for the course.

What happens if the bride is pregnant? The first crisis of family life is superimposed by another - a child. And the family is bursting at all the seams. If you look at it psychologically. And if you know spiritual laws, then things here are already obvious. The fact is that when a person lives according to the commandments of God, when he is covered with grace, everything happens to him by itself. He comes with thanksgiving. A feeling of security appears. The feeling that God is love and He cares about each of us. When a person begins to sin... there is such a concept as “sin stinks.” The Guardian Angel departs because our sin stinks. Grace leaves us, we begin to suffer, suffer. We ourselves have walked away from God. We chose this path and we ourselves suffer. When a bride becomes so “explored” (and sometimes by more than one man), and then she asks: “Why am I suffering so much, why are my children suffering?” Well, open the Gospel and read it!

When a child was born before, they prayed and asked God to send that child who would be a joy to the family, a joy to God. Nowadays, “holiday” children are often born. When people get drunk during the holidays and conceive a child in this state. And then the baby is born, and the parents ask: who did he take after? We didn’t have anything like that in our family?

Previously, when a woman was pregnant, she always prayed. She confessed often and took communion. Through this, the child is formed. A woman's body is a home for this baby. She is purified and her condition affects the child. Naturally, everything affects the relationship with the husband, physical relations cease. Because this is a hormonal earthquake for the baby. Why do they say “absorbed with mother’s milk”? When the mother fed the baby, she prayed. And if a mother argued with her husband while breastfeeding or watched a semi-pornographic film, which is now constantly shown on TV, then what is instilled in the baby with mother’s milk? Remember how you behaved when you were carrying a child and feeding it. And why be surprised after this?

There are no dead ends in Orthodoxy. God is absolute love, and He awaits our repentance. Only. And as in the parable of the prodigal son, as soon as the son returned, the father ran to meet him. “Father, I am not worthy to be called your son,” says the son, and the father runs to meet him. Here you just need to realize and repent, and repentance means correction. And repentance should not only be at the level of “now I won’t do that.” It is imperative to go to confession and receive communion. We then heal soul and body.

We often would like to cope with our strengths, but we cannot. I remember in the Soviet period there was a slogan: “Man is the architect of his own happiness.” And in one newspaper I read: “Man is the grasshopper of his own happiness.” Exactly! The man jumps, chirps, thinks that he is jumping high. What a blacksmith! After all, without God, man cannot create anything. Therefore, you need to go to God, repent, ask for strength, say, “I have already done so much in my life, help, fix it, I can’t, you can. Help! Wise me, guide me and fix everything. You could revive four-day-old Lazarus when he was already a stinking corpse. You revive me, revive my family, which is already stinking, falling apart, my children who are suffering, you help them yourself.” And, naturally, you need to start correcting yourself. It's all possible.

What happens when a young family has a baby? They expect it and think: now everything will be fine. What begins is that they must take on new roles as mother and father. There is a feat of motherhood and fatherhood. This is sacrificial love, you have to forget about yourself. How can you forget about yourself? It's so hard when you're selfish. And when you love, it’s not difficult at all.

When a baby is born, how does the workload in the family change? Firstly, if we take statistics, a woman’s load on household chores increases sharply, and the time spent preparing food doubles. Prepare for adults and for children. And everything is on time. In addition, the washing time increases many times over.

Further. A newborn baby should sleep 18-20 hours a day. But now in our city, and throughout Russia, only 3% of absolutely healthy babies are born. In children, the diagnosis of “increased excitability” has become traditional. What modern baby sleeps 18-20 hours? He cries and cries. As a result, when the crying stops, the woman can fall asleep either sitting or half-standing. The woman has such emotional overload. What about the man? He thought it would be such happiness. But it turned out to be the opposite: the wife is tossing about, the child is crying. And this is family life.

What happens next? A proposal comes in: “Let’s get a divorce? So tired of it!” But why get a divorce? You just need to grow up. A child will not be a baby all his life. Within a year he will begin to walk, grow, and then the baby has an amazing ability (up to 5 years) to bring joy. They are such the sunshine of the family, they are so happy about everything. “What is there to be happy about?” - we think. And they are so happy: “Mom, look here at the house, and here at the house, and around the house.” And he's so happy. “Oh, mom, look, bird!” And he's happy. For them, everything is the first time in their lives. This is a lesson for us, adults, how to get joy from everything.

Recording of the conversation - Maternity Protection Center "Cradle", Yekaterinburg.

Transcription, editing, headings - website

A distance (online) course will help you find family happiness . (Psychologist Alexander Kolmanovsky)
The ship of the family breaks on the ice of selfishness ( Crisis psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky)
A family needs a hierarchy ( Psychologist Lyudmila Ermakova)
Commitment allows people to be together ( Family psychologist Irina Rakhimova)
Marriage: the end and beginning of freedom ( Psychologist Mikhail Zavalov)
Does a family need a hierarchy? ( Psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky)
If you start a family, then for life ( Yuri Borzakovsky, Olympic champion)
The country of family is a great country ( Vladimir Gurbolikov)
Apology of marriage ( Priest Pavel Gumerov)

Game Matryoshka in Odnoklassniki, VKontakte - tips

The game Matryoshka continues to delight us with its questions, and we with answers to all tasks. Moving forward, hints for episodes 3 and 4 of the application from the social networks Odnoklassniki and VKontakte await us. Many people have already fallen in love with the game, and this is not surprising. After all, it is similar to the game One Hundred to One, which is incredibly popular among players of different generations, professions and interests.

On your way through the game “Matryoshka” you will encounter questions that are extremely difficult to pass without a hint. Do you know what animals are missing in Russia, the main instruments in the orchestra, what an elephant dreams of, what it would be a shame to throw away, or what music teenagers don’t like? Let's check! You will encounter these and other tricky questions in episodes 3 and 4. And we have prepared for the game Matryoshka tips which you will find below. But first, try to answer the questions correctly yourself - it’s more interesting than copying the answers right away!

Matryoshka - tips for playing on Odnoklassniki, VKontakte: episode 3

What does a bear dream about?

What grows in the forest?

Who keeps you awake at night?

What is tomato?

A cat's favorite treat?

The most famous dog breeds?

What could be golden?

The cinema is full! What genre of film is being shown?

Why do people sneeze?

What can be knitted?

How do you decorate the hall for a festive event?

Who cannot be left clean?

What does a soldier have?

What is the name of the cat from the Soviet cartoon?

What does an elephant dream about at the zoo?

What is the most common food in a student dorm?

What should be in a family?

What would you hate to throw away?

What filling should I make pancakes with?

The most necessary thing on a hike?

Who counts other people's money?

What can be transparent?

Which mushroom does the mushroom picker greet with a cry of joy?

What are girls bad at?

What do they keep in the chest?

What does a woman look for in her purse?

The most common name for a kindergarten?

What do people collect?

Who often gives interviews?

What animal is a strong man compared to?

What animals are not found in Russia?

What should you surround your child with?

Most popular puzzle game?

What should you take with you to the North Pole?

What newspapers and magazines did you subscribe to during Soviet times?

What word do men fear most?

What musical styles do teenagers not like?

Source:
Game Matryoshka on Odnoklassniki, VKontakte
Continuation of the series of answers to the game Matryoshka from the social networks VKontakte and Odnoklassniki. Episodes 3 and 4 Levels 41-80. Full list of questions on the forum.
http://branto.ru/index/igra_matreshka_v_odnoklassnikakh_podskazki_ehpizody_3_i_4_urovni_41_80/0-3714

What kind of family is considered large in Russia (how many children should there be)?

Large family how many children must have? Parents usually want to know about this when there are more than two children in the family. form - the answer to this question depends on the place of residence of the family.

Decree of the President of the Russian Federation dated May 5, 1992 No. 431 vests in regional authorities the authority to determine how many children in a large family form. When resolving this issue, the national and cultural characteristics of the region are taken into account.

In the vast majority of federal subjects, parents with three or more children are considered to have many children. However, in some places, to obtain such status, a family must have a larger number of children. For example, today in Ingushetia a family is recognized as having many children if it has 5 or more children.

The trend in recent years is that regions in which a family was recognized as large only if there were 4-5 children are gradually moving away from this rule. Thus, until recently, in the Republic of Mari El, a family with 4 children was considered large, but since July 1, 2012, this rule has changed, now 3 children are enough. Since 2012, in Tyva, parents are considered to have many children after the birth of their 3rd child (previously - after 4).

The question is also relevant for many: mother of many children how many children (2014 -2015) must have in order to get a chance to be awarded a medal? In this case, according to the regulations of most regions, a woman must raise at least 5 children.

Large families in Russia: how to count children correctly?

At first glance, the answer to this question is obvious. But it happens that when determining whether how many children in a large family make up, difficulties arise.

Let's look at an example. Parents with 3 children divorce. 2 children stay with their mother, 1 with their father. In this case, citizens who are actually parents of 3 children lose their status as having many children. When spouses with many children divorce, one of them can retain this status only if at least 3 children remain living with him (in principle, it is possible that both parents, after the divorce, will retain this status if there are 6 or more children).

As for the example considered, former spouses can again receive the status of having many children if they enter into an official marriage with a person with minor children. The fact is that stepsons and stepdaughters are counted in the number of children in the family. In addition, children adopted or taken under guardianship (trusteeship) are taken into account along with their relatives.

Considering the question of how many children in a large family form, it should be noted that sometimes citizens who have already reached adulthood are taken into account as children. This applies to students under 23 years of age studying full-time (if they live with their parents in the same family). But such a benefit is valid only in a few constituent entities of the Russian Federation (for example, in the Krasnodar Territory).

Talking about how many children are there in a large family? should educate, it is worth noting that children are not taken into account in the family:

• if in relation to them the parents are deprived of parental rights, their rights are limited;
• if they are fully supported by the state (for example, studying at a boarding school).

Source:
What kind of family is considered large in Russia (how many children should there be)?
How many children should a large family have? Parents usually want to know about this when there are more than two children in the family. How many children form a large family - the answer to this question depends on the place of residence of the family.
http://nsovetnik.ru/mnogodetnaya_semya/kakaya_semya_schitaetsya_mnogodetnoj_v_rossii_skolko_dolzhno_byt_detej/

What should family relationships be like?

Do you dream of an ideal family relationship? Do you dream of becoming an ideal wife and maintaining your husband's interest for many years? What should family relationships be like and how should one behave in order to achieve this goal?

You need to understand what kind of women attract men for family life, and then find out what you need to change in yourself so that your family relationships are long and happy.

Those women who believe that for men the primary thing in choosing a life partner are her appearance and figure are very mistaken. In fact, men appreciate and love a woman if she is self-confident, independent, kind, and tries to understand her partner. Work on yourself to bring yourself closer to the image of an ideal wife.

Keep a few tips in mind that you can take as a guide.

A man always remains a man. And he is pleased to see next to him a woman who takes care of herself and always looks great. Nothing raises a man's self-esteem like the envy of others towards his wife.

In the company of his friends, partners or family, be cheerful and pleasant to talk to. But don't forget that your man is the best. Let him understand this.

Understanding! This is the most important thing that is necessary for strong family relationships. Learn to understand your husband so that critical moments do not arise in the future.

A man is always pleased to realize that his wife is very smart. The opinion that the male population is afraid and shuns stupid women is the lot of losers. With an intelligent person there is always something to talk about. And he will not be ashamed to go out with you.

Men appreciate a sense of humor in women.

In addition to your spouse, naturally, your life also includes relatives, colleagues, and friends. But, under no circumstances, do you allow non-family relationships to interfere with your personal space with your husband.

Agree, being an ideal wife and building wonderful family relationships is not so difficult. But, we looked at what qualities men love in women. What irritates them about us?

Men are very sensitive to their wife’s flirting with his friends. Even if he is not Othello, you should not flirt with his friends. Since you put him in a very difficult situation: on the one hand, there is no desire to quarrel with a friend, on the other, there is no desire to quarrel with you. When you are both in company, you should not criticize the man. For your spouse, you must be support and support. Leave your complaints until you are alone.

We do not recommend getting carried away with face masks or curling in the presence of a man. And, even more so, you shouldn’t go to bed with your husband in such, frankly, unsexual form. To get yourself in order, better get up half an hour earlier. Take care of the male psyche.

Leave the man alone with the eternal questions: “Do you love me?” Otherwise, there is a chance that your gentle and fluffy spouse will turn into a monster.

It is known that men are not big fans of cleaning the apartment. Let's tell you a secret: watching the process of spring cleaning that you started over the weekend gives him even less pleasure.

In fact, any inappropriate little thing on your part can make a man angry. And, if you really asked the question, “what should family relationships be like?” and set a goal for themselves - to become an ideal wife.

Then you should listen to your spouse and his desires. But it’s also not worth changing yourself completely. After all, your spouse loved you for who you are. And if at one fine moment he doesn’t recognize you and doesn’t like your new image, then who knows how your marriage might end.