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What to do for a lonely person. Is loneliness a disease of the inhabitants of modern cities? Complexes and low self-esteem

Question to psychologists: What if you're single at 22?
It so happened that by the age of 22 I have no friends and almost no communication. I am in some kind of vacuum.

Even if I communicate, for example, with a former classmate, I have nothing to really tell, tk. almost nothing happens in my life. But it was not always like this, I remember during school time I made friends with one company, everything seemed to be fine until a situation happened when one guy from this company beat me up.

He was a bully and constantly puffed on someone. Since that time, I stopped appearing in that company and they began to call me a scammer (like I threw them). It was very hard for me because almost the persecution began. But then I entered the technical school. And while I was studying there, naturally there was communication and I made myself several friends.

But after graduation we scattered again. One got a girlfriend, and the other just barely communicates with me ... and now I'm alone again.

I do boxing, but in our section there are almost no guys of my age, so there is no one to communicate with there either. And yet I cannot understand why many people do not want to communicate with me. They just stop and that's it.

Nobody calls or writes on the Internet ... everyone has their own life, in which I no longer have a place. I always write to everyone first and call. It turns out that I impose myself on people, tk. No one will ever write to me or call me first.

What to do if you are lonely - the answer of a psychologist

Man is a social being, and he cannot live without emotional, psychological and physical contacts with other people. The reasons why people suffer from loneliness are different for everyone. But these are internal reasons, not external ones.
And in order to understand yourself, improve relationships with other people and satisfy emotional and psychological hunger (i.e. get rid of loneliness) - you need a direct consultation with a psychologist,

I want to warn you right away: "I am not guilty on any of the future charges!" =)))))))))))))))))))))))
Having read various opinions about human loneliness and its causes, I will insert my own "five cents". I will make a reservation right away that I do not pretend to be unique, this is my subjective opinion based on personal observations and experience.

The world flies forward dynamically and dispassionately, both connecting and scattering people in different directions, changing fates, months of body illnesses and absolutely does not ask permission. Anyone who is rich, healthy, successful and self-confident today may suddenly find himself on the sidelines, sick and uninteresting to anyone.
At the same time, a person thrown out of an apartment, deprived of family and the support of friends, may begin to want very much not to drown, having only a pure intention to live, develop and prosper. He can also become not just rich and successful, but a completely different person compared to who he was before his personal social catastrophe, loving, meaningful and striving for universal human values. Not only me, but also you probably know a huge number of examples of this. But what is strange and all-encompassing in everything that I have just written is that all this happens to a person in solitude.
Even the decision to survive and find like-minded people and live on, a person makes himself, if there is still strength. “But what about relatives, friends and loved ones?” - you object. Of course, everyone has them, and it is likely that a lot of people will come to the aid of some, to others, less, and to some - no one. It all depends on what environment a person came from, what set of genetic information his ancestors provided and what kind of relationships he built around him (by the way, we build relationships just like mom and dad between themselves and they are with others. do not think, then look back and you will be amazed how many times, exactly, you repeated what they would have done in a given situation).
BUT!!! Just as everyone is born alone and dies alone, so from time to time fate, as if experimenting, leaves a vacuum around us and looks at how we will behave, whether we will flounder out of habit by ourselves, taking on everything that the eye covers , and without thinking to ask for help, or we will cry to heaven. We are not taught to ask for help, even when dying, some people do not make the slightest attempt to save their own lives, not because they are worse than others, just the society in which they lived and were brought up instilled in them false concepts and now their own life has suffered (this my personal observation, verified during volunteer work in a hospice).
So who are the lonely postsock people? I would call them people who have faced so much pain in their lives that they stopped believing. Trust people, trust the country in which they were born and live, trust relatives and sometimes even their own, whom, due to their environment and hereditary information, they were not able to raise people.
These people did not make the decision to become lonely, well, who wants to become lonely in childhood - everyone wants to be princesses and astronauts. The loneliness of one emerged from the all-encompassing disorder of everyone around and his desire to emerge at least someday from this constant poverty in the race for wealth, comfort and success in society. As a result, a driven person sooner or later, not being able to solve all the problems that had piled on him, found himself in an ocean of a huge amount of pain, loneliness and disbelief in universal justice.
Someone goes to a church or a sect, someone has a dog or a cat at home, or feeds animals on the street. Some volunteer to help those who are seriously ill or dying. There is an opinion that a person, being lonely, should go and look for a circle for himself - then we can say that he is a “right person”.
Yes, it is possible, but only life dictates different rules. There are lonely people who are unable to leave the apartment. There are deaf, dumb, there are introverts in life and none of them can be accused of unwillingness to communicate, but quite the opposite. I hope you don’t think to drive a dumb, legless or deaf person to look for a circle of friends.
When and where do we go besides work?
- When we are healthy and financially safe and we can provide ourselves with travel to the place of meeting with like-minded people. The bulk of lonely people are people of age, financially and physically limited, who have endured a sea of ​​pain, traumatized and do not want to reveal their tortured soul to every curious and not always tactful stranger.
See a sea of ​​trendy, paid groups and groups of all kinds of yoga techniques, spiritual centers and meditation communities and the like. They are made up mostly of bored middle and upper middle income women who are active and healthy. The most disadvantaged and sluggish, they just go to churches and have dogs, on which they drain the unspent warmth.
Is it possible to wake them up and make them more active so that they themselves seek to change something in their life?
- Theoretically, yes, but in practice they have so lost their strength and self-confidence that they really need help, and sometimes professional, to find themselves, faith in people and at least some ambition in order to try to light the spark of life in their souls again. Therefore, demanding an active position from an extinct and depressed person is like demanding a mountain to go to Mohammed. Can we still try to meet this grief and show warmth, altruism and our mature attitude and understanding of reality, which strives for unity?

I am lonely ... I am so lonely ... Sad, boring, painful ... LONE ... I live in a city where hundreds of thousands, millions of people, and at the same time I, as if in a vacuum, I am lonely. How is this possible? Why? For what? And the main thing is what to do to get rid of this unpleasant feeling of your own loneliness.

"I am very lonely" - if this thought comes to mind, then something needs to be changed in life. Man is a social being and only in society, among other people, can he be really happy. It doesn't matter the number of people who will be surrounded - one faithful friend or a hundred acquaintances - the main thing is that there should be communication, contact with the outside world not only at work, but at the behest of the heart and soul. If it is not there, this is unbearable suffering for any mentally normal person.

Is loneliness a disease of the inhabitants of modern cities?

You can find many questions about loneliness on the Internet. Along with dating sites, many projects and forums are being created for those who suffer from loneliness. And although people try to meet each other, to support each other, there is still an increase in people who feel their loneliness very, very sharply.

I am a man without friends. I am very lonely. I don't even have close acquaintances. You have no idea how difficult it is to meet every day alone, to know that no one will call and ask how you are doing. The people I communicate with are work colleagues. How difficult it is to live knowing that no one in the world will support you, will not touch you, and that all I can do is go to the cinema alone, go in a transport alone, go somewhere alone. Boring, sad and lonely. It hurts unbearably. Every day to think that no one needs you, that there is no friend, girlfriend, there is no one for miles around. It hurts, it hurts terribly. It hurts to such an extent that you start communicating and staying with people so far from you that your soul sinks into your heels, and you don't know how to get out of this pit. Loneliness is pain. The real one that no one feels or sees. Problems at work, in the family - nothing beats this feeling of loneliness. Every day I do not want to fall asleep because tomorrow is the same gray useless day in complete despair and loneliness.

A person who is lonely understands that this is a negative state that brings suffering. Naturally, he wants to get rid of loneliness, like a disease. Recover and be like everyone else, normal people: make friends, communicate, enjoy life and share this joy with others. Here's just how to do it? All attempts to go outside do not work, the relationship does not stick. You can't find a loved one, you can't make friends either. The situation is aggravated with age, the older a person becomes, the more difficult it is for him to find someone: peers of the same age already have their families, their downed companies, into which it is very, very difficult for a new person to fit in.

Not so long ago I writhed with a heart attack, as you know, I survived ... then it seemed that the end was probably here (only a completely different word was spinning in my head) ... it was not scary and not offensive to die, it was a shame to remember- then there is nothing, no funny and joyful moments with someone nearby, nothing, and there’s no one nearby because I’m such a lonely or shitty person, but because it so happened in life that all life happens and passes by you ...

In the end, loneliness becomes such an unbearable burden that a person sometimes even thinks about suicide. “I'm lonely” is really scary to understand. This burden, like a stone, crushes, suffocates, angers, irritates. In general, it causes the whole range of negative sensations that only a person has.

If you are lonely, the reason always lies in the subconscious. It is very easy to find friends, acquaintances, loved ones. The main thing is to understand yourself and understand what to do with yourself.

Let's try to understand from the point of view of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, why some people, unlike others, fall into the trap of loneliness and are even able to hang there for a long time, literally until the end of their lives. And most importantly, how to get out of this state.

Because absolutely everyone, without exception, can get out of this state.

Want to know more about human psychology? Do you want to finally become a happy person? We invite you to attend trainings on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. The introductory part of the lectures is absolutely free and available to everyone by

Loneliness is frightening and depressing. Everyone has faced loneliness at least once in their life. Neither men nor women are insured against him. This article will focus on female loneliness, what to do if you are lonely, how to accept and cope with this condition.

Causes of female loneliness

Both young and mature women face loneliness, regardless of age and social status. Someone cannot find a worthy partner, someone, having experienced a painful parting, closes in themselves, and someone remains alone after a tragic death loved one.

There are many situations in life that lead to loneliness, but why do some women easily and painlessly endure it, while others drown in it, harassing themselves?

In psychology, the following reasons for loneliness are distinguished:

  • fear of a serious relationship;
  • negative attitudes associated with marriage;
  • idealization of family life, gender stereotypes;
  • complexes (low self-esteem).

Fear of a serious relationship

A woman who fears an intimate relationship may not fully realize this. By its nature, it is deeply rooted in the subconscious. Most often, it is formed in childhood, when the girl's environment speaks unflatteringly about the representatives of the opposite sex. If from an early age a girl hears that men have only problems, they are all deceivers, and other angry statements, then this forms her subconscious fear of the opposite sex, serious relationships.

Fear of close relationships develops after a tragic breakup, betrayal or betrayal. A woman, faced with meanness, subconsciously expects her from other men, cannot build harmonious relationships.

The lady who asked the question: “Why am I alone?” Should not seek out mystical reasons and not engage in self-flagellation, but realize her fears, work them out.

Negative attitudes associated with marriage

Negative attitudes toward marriage lead to loneliness. This can be both a conscious and a subconscious mindset. Unwillingness to enter into a serious relationship and start a family also comes from childhood. Always swearing parents, disrespect of the father towards the mother - the growing daughter begins to consider marriage a complete torment. Such a girl will most likely grow into a lonely woman suffering from internal conflict. It is based on unwillingness to marry, based on childhood impressions, psychological trauma, and the need to create a family imposed by society. Having understood yourself, having analyzed your experiences, you can get rid of the negative attitude.

Idealization of family life and gender stereotypes

Dreams of a strong, handsome, intelligent, generous, in general, ideal man lead to loneliness. If you get hung up on the search for a "prince" that does not exist in nature, there is a great chance to remain without a pair for life.

For a woman who is a victim of stereotypes and fantasies, it is better to accept the fact that ideal people do not exist.

So what if you are lonely? Understand that everyone has flaws. This does not mean that you have to put up with disrespect, rudeness, physical or psychological abuse. The balance between the pros and cons of a partner is important.

A woman aimed at a worthy partner should not forget about self-improvement, the development of her strengths.

Complexes and low self-esteem

Many outwardly attractive, intelligent women suffer from loneliness. Their main problem is low self-esteem. Uncertainty increases anxiety when dealing with the opposite sex, repels men.

Believing that everyone is unique and worthy of love and happiness is the beginning of problem solving.

If a single woman stops feeling sorry for herself and looks for her own shortcomings, and instead accepts herself, then those around her will notice her merits.

Using loneliness as an opportunity to understand yourself, to develop the strengths of your personality is much more effective than to mourn your unhappy fate. A diary will help with this, in which you can write down your successes, thank yourself.

How to accept loneliness

Loneliness can be comfortable and light, the main thing is to change the attitude towards the situation. Yes, now there is no relationship, no worthy partner, but this does not mean that the situation will not change.

If you consider loneliness as an opportunity to take care of yourself, expand your circle of friends and interests, lead a richer life, do what you have long wanted, then it is not so bad.

The answer to the question of what to do if you are lonely will be: take care of yourself, develop, understand your feelings, fears, experiences, look for their causes and eradicate, find a hobby to your liking. But to blame yourself, looking for shortcomings, you should not feel sorry for yourself, this will only lead to neurosis.

But how to come to terms with female loneliness, learn to live with it? It was said above: accept the situation and use it for your own benefit. After all, a confident, interesting woman is more likely to find a worthy partner.

How to deal with loneliness

Even if we consider loneliness as an opportunity for self-development, most people will not want to stay in it forever.

So what if you are lonely? Do not be sad. Psychologists advise the following:

  • Taking care of yourself, pleasing yourself with pleasant little things is a great opportunity not to get discouraged.
  • Don't forget about friends. You do not need to isolate yourself and refuse to communicate, even when experiencing a difficult break in relations. Spend time with your friends without jealousy of their love life. It is better to be happy for a friend who is doing well than to get angry and spend energy on negativity.
  • Live a full life. Attend events: go to exhibitions, concerts, cinema, theater. Find a fun activity that is fun. It doesn't matter what it will be - sports or dancing, painting or handicrafts. Fill your free time with pleasant things, and it just won't be left for despondency.
  • Helping others is a great way to avoid feeling lonely, according to psychologists. This will expand your social circle and make you feel needed. Working in a shelter for homeless animals, helping sick children - it doesn't matter, as long as it brings pleasure. And communication with the same enthusiastic people will help you not to feel lonely.

Loneliness after 40 years

Perhaps, female loneliness at 40 is perceived as the most painful.

A special category of single ladies is forties. These are women who have life experience, an established system of values. Most often, they already had family relationships, and not very successful ones. A divorce from a disgusted spouse could lead to loneliness, or he himself "ran away" to a younger one, or the woman became a widow.

Left alone, forty-year-old women choose the following paths for themselves:

  • to live for your own pleasure, doing self-realization, helping children and grandchildren, not really caring about the next marriage;
  • to establish a personal life, without abandoning attempts to meet a worthy partner.

Both choices are worthy of respect.

Separately, it is worth noting single women 40 years old who have never been married. These can be successful individuals or women with a child who were abandoned by a man even before his birth. This group is the most vulnerable in our society.

For some, loneliness at 40 is a deliberate choice: a woman does not want to endure an unworthy man, lives a busy life and is quite happy with it. There are those who find it difficult to live without a life partner, and then loneliness can become a tragedy.

Psychologists advise not to dwell on the problem, but to live life to the fullest, to communicate more with interesting people. It is more difficult to find a partner, but a confident woman will cope with this task.

You do not need to torment yourself with the question: "Why am I lonely?", It is better to change the type of thinking from negative to positive. Finding pluses in your position, seeing the good in the world around you and people, it is easier to become happy. And people glowing with happiness and positive attract attention.

Brief summary

In the psychology of loneliness, women distinguish several reasons (discussed above), but what they have in common is negative attitudes. If you deal with your inner conflicts, understand the reason for certain feelings, then loneliness will not be a burden, it will be easier to cope with it.

And then the answer to the question of what to do if you are lonely is positive thinking and attitude towards yourself.

At any age, it is important to understand yourself, to be aware of your true desires. Having become your most faithful friend and support, it is easy to become happy and make others happy, to defeat loneliness.

It is natural for a person to be in various states, and loneliness is not the best of them. Note that we are talking about a feeling with a negative connotation. After all, it is under his influence that we are trying to find the answer to the question of what to do if you are alone. And I must say that you can get rid of the painful sensation. Moreover, such a process can become very exciting.

Solitude and loneliness

The desire for retirement arises from time to time in each of us. And this is completely justified. Only in a calm atmosphere, when you are alone, does it become possible to truly concentrate on serious thoughts, in order to then draw the necessary conclusions and make worthwhile decisions.

Solitude is sometimes required by the type of human activity, when, for example, it is necessary to make complex calculations or when engaging in certain types of creativity. It also happens that you want to hide from others, so as not to give away some of your emotions. If a person is an introvert by himself, for him to be alone more, devoting time to his interests - this is just what you need.

In all these cases, a person who has moved away from the outside world in a certain way does not suffer, but, on the contrary, needs such a state, and it allows one to obtain some useful result.

Feeling lonely is another matter. Moreover, physically, it does not always look like loneliness. There may be relatives, friends, work collectives nearby, finally. And a person feels himself detached, unnecessary. He thinks that no one cares or interests at all.

There is also a different kind of loneliness - when a specific person is not enough. Most often this applies to love relationships. Then the thoughts come that if the second half were there, life would miraculously change for the better, and there would be no trace of sadness.

In any case, you want to get rid of the state of loneliness, and the main thing here is to tune in to the positive and ... to act!

How to escape loneliness

There are people who are never ignored, and it is clear that they are not particularly tormented by thoughts of loneliness. But what are such lucky ones? How do they manage to be interesting and useful to those around them? And why is luck pursuing them in love too?

The whole secret lies in the fact that these people themselves are able to give a lot to those with whom they meet, in whose society they spend their lives, and to the world in general. And the important advice is this: if there is a feeling of loneliness, you need to start not by looking for communication with someone, but first of all, turn to yourself.

In other words, you should do what you do best. Moreover, this must necessarily bring benefit to someone. A passionate person never suffers from loneliness, as he is constantly in the creative flow. It is exciting, and heavy thoughts are swept away by themselves.

There is only room in my head for new interesting ideas and thoughts about how to translate them into reality. And having proved yourself in practice, having shown your creative power in something, you automatically become significant for others. Self-esteem rises, and people themselves begin to seek communication, feeling that this is where the energy and fire that everyone needs so much.

As for getting rid of loneliness in love, it is worth thinking about who most often people consider as their potential couple. Someone who thinks: “God, how lonely I am! Who diversifies my life? ”, Or a person whose life, even if he is still alone, does not stop, but is filled with goals, and the results of his work are visible?

So why not become this busy and dedicated person? And you can even be glad that while there is time for yourself, for your improvement. After all, there is such a law: as soon as you stop worrying and already start enjoying your loneliness, someone immediately appears next to you, the one you were waiting for ...