My husband doesn’t want to work: what should I do? By what signs can you understand that a man does not love and does not want a woman? What to do when your husband doesn't want to

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It seems that the fading of passion is a natural stage for any relationship. Where does sex go and how to get it back? family psychologist Samotsvetova Maria.

The situation “I love, but I don’t want” occurs much more often than it might seem. Sex is an important, but not the main aspect of the relationship between partners. It happens that everything is smooth in the family, but the husband does not want intimacy with his wife or the wife does not want sex. Something is preventing sexual attraction between partners.

It is important to understand that love and passion are about different things. You can love but not want, but it's boring! Imagine eating only dietary food all your life - you will live long and healthy, but it’s not at all interesting and bland. This is a good metaphor for the lack of sex. Passion and sex spice up married life and make it more varied. In addition to the function of emotional rapprochement, sex has the function of play. This is an adult “playground” for two, where you can do whatever suits both of you (without coercion or violence).

Imagine eating only dietary food all your life - you will live long and healthy, but it’s not at all interesting and bland. This is a good metaphor for the lack of sex.

Sex is truly important for the physical and emotional health of partners. In addition, it is an excellent divorce prevention. How to maintain “fire” and intimacy in marriage? Let's try to find out!

Sex, like everything else, is subject to change. Life goes on, partners change (both externally and internally), their arousal and sex change. It seems that everyone understands this, but not everyone is ready for it. People are often taken by surprise by situations when their beloved husband does not want sex or a wife suddenly begins to avoid physical contact and confesses to her friends: “I love my husband, but I don’t want him!”

About him. Reasons why a husband does not want intimacy with his wife

One of the common reasons is that the wife has gained a lot of weight, her body has changed after giving birth and feeding the baby. This is a natural and natural situation. The husband understands this, so he doesn’t feel anger, indignation, or frustration - he still loves, respects and appreciates her. But she doesn’t see her as a mistress. There is no sexual desire - the husband does not want intimacy with his wife, because she is “not the same anymore.” But not everything is so simple.

Sexual arousal is inextricably linked with a person’s appearance. If he meets the standards of sexuality, it is customary to want him, to experience physical attraction. For example, everyone wants the model on the cover, but no one wants the fat neighbor. So it is “accepted” by the majority, but this fundamentally does not correspond to the true understanding of sexuality.

Sexual desire is born in the head as a reaction to special stimuli. It just so happens that we live in a world where a young, well-groomed appearance is considered to be such an incentive. But excitement can also be generated by other stimuli that are not at all related to appearance. Most likely, everyone will remember the story of how he desired a person because of his voice, smile, sense of humor, talent. The stimulus starts the process of desire, then it is warmed up by fantasy, play, and expectation.

When a husband says that he doesn’t want his wife because she changed after giving birth, he is being disingenuous - it’s not about the body. “You’re not the same anymore” means “what used to turn me on no longer turns me on,” and that’s normal.

Passion truly flares up in our heads, and not under the covers. Therefore, when a husband says that he does not want his wife because she has changed after giving birth, he is being disingenuous - it is not about the body. “You’re not the same anymore” means “what used to turn me on no longer turns me on,” and that’s normal.

The reason why a husband does not want his wife often lies not only in her outer shell or behavior, but in the head of the man himself. After all, some men passionately admire even their pregnant wife, while others cease to be interested in a woman who still meets all the canons and arouses intense desire in other men.

Remember how in the film “White Sun of the Desert”, the hero refused to eat black caviar: “Again you brought it, damn it! I’d rather buy some bread!” A constant stimulus cannot always cause an equally strong reaction; its effect decreases - this is the law for any situation. It only seems to the husband that if his wife gets into shape, he will want her “as before.” As if the return of “that” appearance will bring back the excitement and passion that existed between the spouses several years ago. Getting used to the stimulus is one of the main true reasons why a husband does not want sex.

About her. Reasons why a wife has no desire to sleep with her husband

Not only men can lose desire. In half the cases, it is the wife who has no desire to sleep with her husband. The reasons may be individual or complex. During the period of courtship and at the stage of romance, a man must try to conquer, impress, and conquer a woman. He presents himself from the “better” side. After marriage, men often relax and stop trying - why, the woman has already been conquered.

Many women, after several years of marriage, complain that their husband has turned from a “charming prince” into a lout: he has gained weight, lost friends, stopped being interested in anything new, or taking care of his appearance and health. Also, some husbands stop trying in bed: no caresses, no foreplay - simple mechanical sex. The reasons for reluctance in such cases are understandable.

So, if a wife does not want her husband, the reasons most often lie in their relationship: coldness, quarrels, resentments, lack of warmth, and possibly in revealed infidelities.

But there is another side to sex - emotional, and it is more important for women than for men. By the emotional component of sex, I understand the current state of the relationship between partners - their trust in each other, warmth, care, attention, tenderness. For example, if a man has changed a lot in appearance, not for the better, but his emotional connection with his wife is only growing stronger (the woman feels loved), this is more likely not to interfere with the emergence of female desire than male desire, given the same data. In other words, a woman is more likely to be aroused by emotions, while a man is more likely to be aroused by appearance.

So, if a wife does not want her husband, the reasons most often lie in their relationship: coldness, quarrels, resentments, lack of warmth, and possibly in revealed infidelities.

Another important difference between men and women in the matter of arousal and the emergence of desire is that a woman worries more about her body and how it looks. If a woman has gained weight, or simply lost her usual shape, it can be more difficult for her to relax and unwind in bed. She is embarrassed, she suspects that her husband does not like her. She is dissatisfied, upset and does not know how to make love with “that” body. In this version, reluctance to have sex is actually a reluctance to want oneself in sex, not a man. This is rare in men.

What to do if you don’t want intimacy with your wife/husband: advice from a psychologist in 6 rules

Of course, it happens that the cause of loss of desire is stress, illness and other life circumstances. In addition, our task is not to make someone guilty, but to answer the question: how to return passion to a couple where there is love?

So, what to do if the husband does not want his wife or if the wife does not want intimacy.

1 Give each other space. Desire cannot arise in a couple that is too close - it is cramped for him there, he has nowhere to turn around. In other words, if a husband and wife live one life for two, like conjoined twins, passion will not arise there, because there is simply no room. The husband does not think about his wife, where she is staying, because he already knows about her plans for the months ahead. The wife is not excited by her husband’s appearance, because she herself bought him the shirt, boots, and coat. In this case, asking the question “My husband doesn’t want me, what should I do?”, try to start leaving a little space, an island of ignorance, a little secret between you.

2 Talk. Conversations are very important. And on topics of sex as well. What you want to try, what you don’t want under any circumstances, what you liked before, and what you like now. Whispering to your husband about an erotic dream with his participation with details of intimate caresses is a good start for the emergence of lust. There is no need to be afraid of such frankness.

3 Don't avoid intimacy, but don't limit yourself to just one sex option. Sex is not only a physiological act. Do not deprive each other of access to the body, try not to avoid intimacy, even if you are not planning the most interesting thing (sex with penetration, mutual masturbation or any other methods of satisfaction). Massage, stroking, touching (rubbing the lower back is not suitable for radiculitis). Romantic atmosphere, shared bath, light massage, kisses.

4 Add spontaneity and anticipation to your intimate life. On the one hand, treat sex lightly, on the other hand, organize it with the utmost seriousness. That is, not hastily, not just casually, but with the soul. This will help you catch the wave, tune in, and at the moment of pleasure not think about earthly things (dinner, laundry, child, fatigue, paying bills).

5 Try other life roles. New life experiences are reflected in bed. Let your partner see you in a different role, on the other hand, in a new light. For example, if you are interested in photography, but have never taken your spouse with you to shoot or involve you in the process, the time has come. This can add novelty, create a new place for the birth of desire. Yes, and changing the environment, the scene for having sex is also useful - rent a hotel room for the night, rearrange the bed, go to your friends’ house.

6 Stir up each other's interest. Sometimes, instead of sending an SMS to your husband asking him not to forget to buy bread, you can send your intimate photos. Treat sex like a game, which means introducing elements of the game into your everyday, usually boring everyday life. “Scheduled sex” may also help. How we all look forward to the desired vacation, or, at worst, Friday! You can also expect sex - prepare, plan.

All of the above can only work in conditions of safe, trusting, open intimacy and affection between partners. When I really “love it, but I don’t want it.” Not to be confused with “I love, of course, but this vixen is annoying to want! Excuse me."

Yes, the lack of passion and desire is often the result not of a changed appearance, but of quarrels, conflicts, accumulated grievances and disappointments - but that’s a completely different story. Therefore, when a client comes with the request: “I don’t want a husband, what should I do?”, I try to find out in as much detail as possible the general state of their family relationships. Understand whether partners have any more compelling reasons to avoid sex. In such cases, partners need to work in a different direction.

Until recently, it was believed that men, like dogs, only thought about sex. And ladies, you know, shy away from marital duties, inventing various reasons from critical days to headaches. Today the emphasis has shifted. And men are increasingly refusing intimacy. According to statistics, 62% of men refuse sex more often than their life partners, and 42% make love only once every two weeks. Such data were obtained during a sociological survey in Britain. But sexual dissatisfaction can cause divorce. What's the matter?

1 reason: workaholics are not sexaholics

A busy work schedule, stress, overwork - these are definitely our enemies in any area of ​​life. It is because of them that we do not have enough energy and time for friends, children, and even sex. And why do you think men are the exception? Overwork and stress also affect them. And if your man is not just a hired employee, but the owner of his own business... In this case, work means a lot to him, and it also takes a lot of energy. This is his brainchild and he has responsibility for people, even if it is a small business. Therefore, any work crisis - and thoughts about everything fade into the background. What kind of sex is there when his life’s work can be covered with a copper basin? Here sex scenes will not help you relax in any way, even if you buy beautiful underwear and dance a striptease. And if work troubles and stress in his life happen regularly, like the daily roosters crowing at sunrise, then sooner or later the nervous system of even a very strong man will not be able to withstand it and will collapse under the yoke of problems. Then a nervous breakdown will have to be treated in a hospital, and not with a “nurse” in your own bed.

Exit: If a decrease in sexual desire is associated with daily stress at work and persistent stress, then the best way to improve your personal life, and even restore strength and health, is to go on vacation! The recipe for a good holiday is simple - we leave all our affairs at home, laptops and other means of communication with the outside world too. A mobile phone and a camera will be enough for a trip. The main thing is to get your man out of hectic nervous everyday life, the rest of the pleasures will follow on their own. Changing the environment to a more romantic one perfectly relaxes and promotes sexual experimentation. Show your imagination and be more tolerant.

Reason 2: illness interferes with sex

You may be surprised, but based on sociological research, in Europe one of the most common reasons for decreased sexual desire in men is the use of antidepressants. It turns out that the powers that be, feeling all this daily oppression of everyday life, are trying to escape from stress with the help of medications. And these ways of escape from depression lead them straight to problems in the sexual sphere. One is treated, the other is crippled. In addition, according to statistics, most hormonal disorders and heart diseases inevitably affect a decrease in a man’s sexual activity.

Exit: Diseases, of course, need to be treated. And as you know, many men do not like to visit doctors and put it off until the very last minute. The disease may occur not in the heart, but below the belt. Therefore, if you suspect something is wrong, but the man is in no hurry to complain about his health, make an appointment for him to see a doctor yourself. And drag, drag, drag to the reception!

Reason 3: technology ruins sex

Laptops and computers, TVs, tablets and phones, game consoles and other wonders of modern technology today are real devourers of free time. We sat down to check our email for 5 minutes and an hour flew by. If your man cannot refuse to check his email or read news on social networks, it means that he has become truly dependent on the gadget, and simply forgets that time needs to be devoted to other areas of life. And having taken your head off the screen at night, it’s understandable that you already want to sleep. “Tomorrow, tomorrow, dear,” he whispers tiredly. And tomorrow everything repeats itself.

Exit: agree that each of you has only one hour in the evening for all sorts of Internet matters. And make some days of the week free from technical excesses. You’ll see how much time this “online diet” can give you. And you probably know how to spend it. Refresh your bed linen with satin sheets, wrap yourself in a blanket together and treat your drab everyday life with vivid sexual fantasies.

Reason 4: it's you

Yes, the reason that a man is reluctant to go to bed, stays late at work in the evenings and does not strive for intimacy may be hiding closer than you thought. Moreover, the reason for his “reluctance” may be either excessive sexual activity on the part of the woman or her indifference. The lack of spiritual intimacy, trust and mutual understanding for a man, as well as for a woman, is the reason for refusing intimacy. In this case, before solving problems of a sexual nature, it is necessary to understand the relationship. Do you think that quarrels and heated showdowns only fuel passion in sex? But your man may see everything differently. Constantly nag your husband - then don’t be surprised if he ever tells you a decisive “no”. And constant care, oddly enough, can also greatly spoil bed relationships. If you always ask “has my little bear cub put on his hat,” then sooner or later you will turn into the mother of this bear cub. And if this little bear is a sane man, then he doesn’t need a second mother, especially in his own bed.

Exit: forget about extremes - don’t save up your sexual powers for the weekend, March 8 or Bastille Day, but forcing your loved one to crawl under the covers every evening is also not a good idea. If a man quickly gets bored with daily sex, he will quickly get used to refusals and will stop perceiving you as an object of his desire altogether. So we go in search of a golden mean, and the most important thing here is not to develop a specific schedule for these “bodily workouts,” but to create maximum conditions for intimate intimacy to be a passionate and not a routine task. With the teacher syndrome, everything is generally simpler - work on yourself, stop performing all sorts of small duties for your man, believing that he can ruin everything. Let him spoil it, do it wrong 10 times, and on the 11th he will become a professional in any matter. If by the age of 30-40 no one has raised a man in him, then the time has come to let him raise himself, and not cultivate this boyish weakness.

Reason 5 – there is sex, but not here

The reason is a little similar to its predecessor, only in a neglected form. In childhood, all the boys, having played enough with their favorite car (airplane, dump truck, scooter...), quickly changed the object of their recent passion for something more intriguing. Boys grow up, habits remain. If a man gets tired of having sex with one woman, then he changes her for another. Perhaps you don’t get simple human pleasures for one simple reason - your man has another woman.

Exit: It is this reason that turns out to be the most difficult to eliminate. Beautiful lingerie, striptease and other attributes of an insidious seductress wife will no longer have any effect here. The problems here are much deeper, so drastic solutions are needed. If you don’t want to be on the sidelines, don’t be afraid to say goodbye decisively to outdated relationships in which even sex no longer exists. If you still accept these rules of the game, then you can safely take your own lover. And not even for the sake of revenge, but for the sake of your beloved, your physical and mental health. Then your self-esteem will remain intact, and a good mood is guaranteed!

I wish that neither you nor your man ever have a headache. And if you get sick, then treat yourself not with pills, but with the old proven method - passionate love scenes!

If all else fails, then conjure love! Watch the video!..

Masha Kovalchuk

00:00 2.11.2015

Many jokes have been made about women's "headaches" and other excuses. And if it’s the other way around, you just want it, but he evades and comes up with excuses?

“He stopped loving me?!”

You feel completely wrong. But I read women’s forums and even calmed down a little, I was convinced that it was not only me who had such a problem. It turns out that a man who doesn't want sex is a fairly common occurrence. And, of course, many panicky guesses are immediately made about what the reason is. I decided to figure out who is to blame and what to do.

He has another

This version is usually the first one that comes to our mind. And it is precisely this that is persistently promoted by all kinds of “advisers”. Of course, this scenario cannot be completely ruled out. But I did not hesitate to ask secretly the men I knew who were, so to speak, uninterested. Everyone unanimously says that there are probably men who cannot sleep with two women at the same time, but there are very few of them. Most manage to combine perfectly.

Stress

Firstly, it causes physical fatigue, and a man simply does not have the strength to do “this”. Secondly, the constant stress at work often “does not let go” at home, preventing you from switching to other thoughts and enjoying simple joys, even with the woman you love. If your husband mutters something about the economic crisis even in his sleep at night, it’s not surprising that he has no time for sex. Therefore, it is worth trying to protect him from stress, at least at home. Yes, forgive once again the loose toothpaste, crumbs in the bed and scattered socks. A delicious dinner (especially, they say, walnuts, celery, seafood and ginger are good for this), kind words, a relaxing massage, erotic lingerie - all these simple feminine tricks still work.

Depression tormented me

It was called the disease of the twentieth century. The current one, the twenty-first, seems to inherit all the problems of the previous one.

Among the symptoms of depression, one of the first indicated is “decreased libido.” Simply put, depression is when you don’t want anything, not even sex.

I’ve heard the opinion that in addition to traditional “medicines” (trips abroad, picnics with friends, wasting money in restaurants), it helps to simply take a vacation, put aside all things and not try to have fun through force, but for a while really do nothing at all. This means that the most important thing, no matter how trivial it may sound, is to try to understand the man and be patient until this goes away for him. Don't pull, don't reproach. Well, if time passes, and the melancholy and apathy do not go away, but only intensify, I think it’s worth taking you to a psychologist. They don't bite. Only in our latitudes people are somehow not used to addressing them. But in vain. If you can’t cope on your own, it’s better to seek the help of a specialist.

Tired or fed up

Although we don’t want to come to terms with it, a man is psychologically designed in such a way that he gets a little tired of the same woman over time, even if he sincerely loves her. Monotony in bed, lovemaking on a schedule, in the same place, at the same time, reduce sexual desire. The negative effect increases if you do not want to experiment and do not listen to his desires and requests. But if you listen and please with all your might, it’s not a fact that this will save you from something.

I heard from several friends about a similar family crisis after the birth of a child. And it cannot be said about any of these girlfriends that after giving birth she gained weight or somehow became ugly. It turns out that the reason is not at all that the woman has become less attractive, but rather a change in status: from spouses, lovers, the couple is transformed into parents. For them, men, all these nuances of their status in the family and in society are terribly important.

The problem must be solved using the “do no harm” principle. Under no circumstances should you panic, make a scene or start scandals.

I have a hot temper, so I checked this more than once; after each of my explosions, sex completely disappeared from our lives for a long time. This is understandable; there are hardly any men who see a hysterical woman in their erotic dreams.

Every third person has prostatitis!

In fact, the most common reason. The incidence of prostatitis is known to increase with age. Statistics say that prostatitis is diagnosed in every third man over 35 years of age. However, according to doctors, in recent years this disease has become more and more “younger”. And today, cases of the disease in 30-year-olds are not uncommon. Moreover, 98% are hidden and sluggish forms. And this is exactly our case.

Causes of early prostatitis

Urologists include infections as provoking factors, as well as a sedentary lifestyle, irregular sex life, colds and all the same stress and depression that I have already mentioned. And most often all these factors influence simultaneously. The risk group includes not only truck drivers, but also programmers, managers and other office workers. Particularly harmful, moreover, is forced irregular urination, and this problem is familiar to workers in many professions. Prostatitis is also caused by sexually transmitted diseases. Doctors also warn that hypochondriasis contributes to the development of this insidious disease.

Various fears - including the fear of getting prostatitis - are a release of adrenaline, which causes vasoconstriction, and this in turn has a very negative effect on the functioning of the male genitourinary system.

So the husband’s nerves must be protected, and conversations about prostatitis should be conducted very carefully, avoiding empty horror stories, pushing the man to specific actions for prevention or treatment.

Symptoms: hidden and obvious

First of all, medical booklets tell us, prostatitis is indicated by impaired urination (often and in small portions) and pain (in the anus, perineum, testicles, lower abdomen, sacrum). But a man does not necessarily complain even to his own wife. In particular, it is unlikely that he will explain his reluctance to make love by pain “there”. He'll probably come up with some other reason. If your husband keeps waking up at night and running to the toilet, there will be no doubt about it. What if the situation is not so advanced? Other signs will most likely be noticeable to us: a decrease in this same sexual activity and constant irritability, anxiety, poor sleep.

Cure or prevent?

We all know how difficult it is to persuade a man to go to the doctor. But, believe me, it’s worth it - it’s better to convince him right now, without delay, than to share a bed with an impotent man in 5 years. Who, if not you, can find the arguments to which he will listen.

There is a whole group of remedies and methods of treatment: anti-inflammatory drugs, antibiotics, massage, physiotherapy and so-called prostate protectors - prostate protectors.

Today there are already new drugs based on the unique substance prostatilen discovered during laboratory studies. These funds can be used not only for treatment, but also for prevention. It was a discovery for me that new generation drugs, such as Lekhim Prostatilen, increase immunity, improve blood circulation in the vessels of the prostate gland, and they also normalize the quality of sperm, and most importantly, slow down the aging of the prostate.

The remaining rules of prevention can be described by a simple formula: sit less and be nervous, move more and enjoy life. And, of course, regular sex.

In a word, having studied this issue in detail, I realized that what our grandmothers say is true: “the main thing is health.” The secret of regular and vibrant sex lies in this little “zest” of my man - the prostate. And now I will not let the process take its course, the male power of my beloved is in my hands.

Photo in text: Image used under license from Shutterstock.com

Lately, quite often representatives of the fair sex have begun to turn to psychologists with a sensitive question: “My husband doesn’t want me. Does that mean he doesn’t love you anymore?”

For some time, reluctance to have an intimate relationship was considered a purely female problem. Meanwhile, the lack of sexual desire in men is a common natural phenomenon that should not be frightened.

the site will consider the main reasons for the lack of sexual desire in men and find ways out of this situation.

Intimate talk

If you notice that the man of your dreams has begun to show less attention to you sexually, try to talk to him and find out why he doesn’t want sex. This must be done without scandals and hysterics, having calmly discussed everything. Perhaps you will find out something you never knew about.

There are two pitfalls to this conversation. Ask yourself questions:

1. Are you ready to find out the truth about why a man doesn’t want you? After all, this truth can change your life dramatically.
2. Are you sure you don’t like that your husband wants you less? In fact, the frequency of sexual intercourse and an active sexual position are more imposed on us by modern society. We can be quite happy with infrequent sex or its temporary absence because at the moment the family is occupied with other things (a new job, a new baby, a new hobby that interests us so much that there are no thoughts about anything else), but when comparing ourselves with others , we easily inspire ourselves: “Nightmare! Everything is wrong with me!”

If you finally made up your mind and had a conversation with your husband and identified some reasons, it’s worth examining them in more detail.

Genetic problems and moral victims

A man who suffers from such problems always experiences difficulties in his sexual life.

3% of men genetically have a weak sexual constitution and low level of sexual activity . Or, if the child’s sexuality was suppressed, for example, by an overly strict, puritanical upbringing, or the child/teenager was forced to live in a same-sex environment for a long time, his sexual development is slowed down or develops in a homosexual direction.

Such men can start families, but experience physiological and psychological difficulties in sexual communication with a woman.

Exit: Such problems cannot be solved by everyday psychology, so it is worth contacting a sex therapist and psychologist. In this case, maximum patience and participation is required from the wife.

Past illnesses

There are many different diseases (not just sexually transmitted diseases), the complications of which affect the sexual viability of the partner. Such diseases include even the flu, which a man suffered as a teenager and only now noticed its complications. What can we say about recently suffered diseases.

Exit: if you suspect decreased libido don't ignore doctors. Persuade the man to visit a specialist.

Mild neurosis

A heavy workload of unresolved problems, anxiety about “will everything work out?”, and pressure from negatively minded people in especially impressionable and responsible men quickly complicates sexual activity.

Exit: elimination of the psychotraumatic factor.

Temporary difficulties

Sometimes sexual desire in men disappears due to sublimation, i.e. channeling sexual energy into more necessary activities. Unlike neurosis, here the man does not experience negativity.

Examples of such activities could be: urgent work, a new hobby, the opportunity to realize your dream (for example, you have money to build a house).

Exit: At the end of the activity, sexual activity improves.

Age

It is known that with age it becomes difficult for a man to withstand normal sexual activity. If the partner at this moment puts inflated demands on him, the man will close himself off, complexes will arise in him, and he will begin to avoid sexual contact under any pretext.

Exit: It is important for a woman to be realistic about the state of affairs. Tears and reproaches will not improve the condition. If your man is already aged and it is difficult for him to fulfill marital duties, discuss this point with him, discuss the possibilities of using other methods of stimulation, which both of you will be favorable to.

Crisis of family life, unsatisfied sexual fantasies

If a man is uncomfortable with his wife, he is experiencing a crisis in family life, a rethinking of many values ​​has begun, or sex with his wife has become monotonous (in the same position, on the same sofa, on old faded underwear), many sexual fantasies have not come true in reality, the number of sexual intercourses also decreases.

Exit: do not forget to communicate with the man. It seems to you that you have known him for an eternity and can predict any desire. But this is a misconception.

My husband doesn’t want me: what should I do? /shutterstock.com

Many men are embarrassed or do not consider it necessary to talk about their mental anguish, mistaking such behavior for weakness of character, because “men don’t cry.” Meanwhile, silence is destructive and quickly destroys the partnership.

Ask a man what he dreams of, what he wants to achieve, what he likes/dislikes in his life. Be his psychologist and loyal friend. Don’t forget to talk about sex, ask what he would like, what he especially liked before and is missing now, whether it can be repeated.

Remember that your married life needs to be maintained as actively as you once worked to develop your relationship. Sex is not a conservative harmony standing in one place, but a constant dialogue between two lovers.

Communication on the side

If a man, who is usually the one who initiates sex, suddenly becomes cold towards you, he probably has a passion on the side. It is difficult to constantly and efficiently work on two fronts, to satisfy your wife and mistress.

The main symptoms of such a relationship may be groundless irritability towards you, ignoring your desires (especially in bed), avoiding open conversations, “guilty gifts”.

Exit: if you are not afraid to find out the truth, you should talk to a man. Find out what the reason is: perhaps a “new relationship” is just an escape from the above problems, and perhaps true love. What does he want to achieve? And according to this, decide whether you want to continue the relationship with him or not.

The man doesn’t know the problem, can’t decide on a conclusion

Sometimes it happens. None of us can be an accurate expert on ourselves. If you haven’t found a reason, you shouldn’t shelve the matter. This advice will also be useful to those women whose men do not want to make contact.

Exit:

1. Go with your man for a medical examination.

If he resists, go through a medical examination together, tell him that you care about the health of the family.. Operate with the fact that doctors recommend undergoing a medical examination once a year. This way you can exclude or identify hidden or obvious diseases, disrupting sexual function men, in addition, you will find out his general condition.

2. Visit a psychologist

If a man does not avoid visiting a specialist, this is a good sign. Two heads are good, but three are better. Psycholo g will help you get to know both yourself and each other better. If a man protests against going to a specialist, you can go alone. In any case, this option will be more advantageous than simply “going with the flow.”

3. Work on your self-esteem

When the reason is not clear, you want to come up with anything, even suggesting to yourself that you are no longer interesting to him. That you have gained weight or, conversely, lost a lot of weight, that you have wrinkles or put on glasses, that you have become worse at cooking and cleaning, that your hairdresser gave you a bad haircut, etc.

It is so easy and so dangerous to blame yourself for everything. In fact, the years go by, and your man is not getting any younger over the years either. Don't lower your self-esteem. When taking care of his physical and moral health, do not forget about yourself.

Have holidays for yourself. Want to buy sexy lingerie (even if your husband is not interested in it) - buy it, it will come in handy. If you want to try a new haircut, take a risk, men love bold women. Are you still deciding whether to start collecting porcelain dolls? Why not treat yourself now? Do you have money for a spa? Go there if you really want to, then you can. After all, you are alone.

Olga VOSTOCHNAYA,
psychologist

Many women face this problem. We all fall in love with beautiful words, actions and attention from the desired man. And, as a rule, the brightest moments in which he shows his best sides occur at the beginning of the relationship, when you are together, but not yet so close. A pleasant understatement remains, and he uses all his charms and powers to quickly reduce the distance existing between you, in order to become the full and only owner of your heart. So, when this happens, the well-known story begins. There is less and less attention, there are also less and less romantic actions, the passion is gone, and the passionate gaze of the beloved is now filled with boredom and indifference. As you know, everything has its reasons, and if your man has stopped paying attention to you, then it’s not only about him, but also about you. Therefore, today we decided to examine this topic in detail, and will help us with this psychologist Mark Barton. He has answers to the most difficult questions.

“Women’s happiness - if only a sweetheart were nearby, but nothing else is needed,” is sung in the famous song by Tatyana Ovsienko (49). What do you mean you don't need anything? Still as it should be! It is unlikely that you will be satisfied with the passive presence of a man in your life. Women's happiness is a large-scale and almost limitless concept, the scope and limits of which are determined only by the woman herself. To be loved, desired, protected, to feel care and attention from your loved one is quite natural. Flowers, original declarations of love, crazy actions, passion - all this probably happened in your life, especially during the birth of a relationship with your chosen one. You experienced emotions that are difficult to describe, much less compare with anything. But after some time, you notice that the relationship with a man has taken on a routine form, more like fulfilling duties than showing love. You seem to be together, but alone. Where has the romance gone - the desire to surprise and bring joy? Why did my man lose interest in me? Has he got another one? Many questions arise, but no answers.

So, what caused the decline in the young man’s interest in you? Everyone knows that a man is a hunter. Once upon a time you were an impregnable fortress, that elusive doe that he so missed. While seeking your affection, the man thought: “How to win and fall in love? How to master it. How to conquer and surprise? And now the goal has been achieved. Emotions have subsided, the hunter is satisfied with the victory, there is no longer any need to be an active conqueror. This does not mean that love is dead and you need to run away in search of a new relationship. If you do this, you will eventually face the same problem. So you will run from one to another. Remember: it is impossible to relive the emotions that you had during the period of falling in love. It is possible to take relationships to a different, higher quality level. Or accept the situation and live as it happens, which doesn’t suit you and me. Your task is to return the man’s cooled interest in you.

The very first mistake you can make is trying to create feelings of self-pity. By choosing this tactic, you will lose, since he fell in love not with a pitiful girl, but with a cheerful girl. At the moment, you are already in a lower position in relation to him. As sad as it may sound, he looks down on you. Everything will return to its place as soon as you begin to grow, you become on the same level with him, and maybe even higher. In this case, the man will begin to panic and wonder: “Why is she changing like that?”

Pay attention to your appearance. Are you as beautiful as when you first met? Bring back your image to its former attractiveness and charm. Dress so that other men will notice you. Is your hairstyle a familiar ponytail or a spontaneous styling? Be such that your image charms and evokes a feeling of slight jealousy in your man.

Your task is to arouse your loved one’s interest in you. Stop begging and persuading him to go to the theater with you. Invite yourself! Buy tickets and face the fact. If he finds a reason not to go, go yourself and return home with a bouquet of flowers. When asked who gave it, say: the man sitting next door. If you do go out together, don’t reproach him for going out rarely. Spend this evening profitably and tell your man only warm and gentle words.

Admire your man. It is very important. Speak to him the most uplifting words. Forget about reproaches. A husband looks for a mistress precisely when he ceases to be a king for his woman. Avoid phrases: “How many times do you need to repeat this?”, “What are you thinking about?”, “I told you a hundred times that...”, “Don’t you see that...”, “Don’t you really understand that...” , “Is it really difficult for you to remember that...”, “Why are you pestering me? All people are like people, and you…”, “You have become so rude and boring”, “You are just like your parents”, etc. Instead, say: “I have no one closer to you”, “You are my most courageous”, “You are my smartest”, “You always understand me correctly”, “It’s so easy with you”, “You’re great for me” , “Advise me, you are so good at…”, “I don’t trust anyone as much as you do,” “I would never be able to do this as well as you,” “How grateful I am to you.” By saying all this, you will emphasize the importance of your man to you; he needs to feel your admiration for him.

Morning orgasm and scrambled eggs! Yes, you understood everything correctly. Having satisfied your man sexually and fed him a hearty breakfast, you will not leave any free space in his head for thoughts related to other women. He will live this day admiring you and remembering the voluptuous moments of a wonderful start to the day.

Give yourself a hobby (if you don’t have one). Take care not only of your man’s home and interests, but also of yourself. Surround yourself with lightness and cheerful people. Your mysterious world will sooner or later arouse the interest of your macho man, and he will begin to show himself.

Give your man freedom. Stop calling idlely and asking where he is and with whom. Make it clear that you believe him and that he is the best on earth, which means he has the best woman next to him, and he is unlikely to soil himself with relationships on the side. The feeling of freedom and all of the above will give him confidence that he does not want to lose.