How to increase self-esteem for a full girl. Psychology: how to increase self-esteem for a girl. Why is it important to build self-esteem and self-confidence?

Hello dear readers! What do you think success depends on? From talent, diligence, diligence? Of course, there are a lot of factors influencing the events taking place in our lives. But if you look, one of the main signs of a successful person is self-confidence. And so today I would like to give you a couple of tips on how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem.

From this article you will learn:

I can safely call myself successful, both in work and in my personal life. If you have been reading me for a long time, then you probably know that I am a business woman, mother of two wonderful children, a loving wife and a person who is passionate about cooking, decoupage, sports, self-development and God knows what else.

But I wasn't always like this. None of us are born to be successful. Initially, we are all on an equal footing - arms, legs, head. But it is from the head that most often all our troubles begin.

Every step we take in our lives is an experience. Positive experience gives self-confidence, positive emotions, fighting spirit. Negative experiences lead to disappointment and fear.

Starting from childhood, negative experience settles in our minds, and already years later we are afraid to take new steps towards the unknown, because we are afraid of failures. The logic is simple: if you are not confident in yourself, then you stand in one place and cannot achieve anything.

Is it possible to correct the situation and radically turn your life around? Of course you can!

I am sure that it is within the power of each of us at any age. Even if you are a young girl, a mature woman or a pensioner! Better late than never!

Signs of an insecure person!

Let me tell you a good old anecdote: “The inscription on the doors of the psychotherapy room: “Dear patients! We kindly ask you not to share symptoms while sitting in line, as this makes it difficult to make a diagnosis.”

So in our case, there are real problems, and there are far-fetched ones. Therefore, before throwing yourself into the pool with your head, let's think about whether you are really so unsure of yourself?

Here are a few signs of insecurity to look out for:

1. You cannot make a decision on your own and constantly ask friends or family for advice.
2. You make many plans, but none of them are implemented.
3. You don't accept yourself for who you are.
4. You are sensitive to criticism
5. You hesitate to say what you really think
6. You strive to live up to the expectations of others.
7. You find it difficult to get in touch with strangers.
8. You don't like to argue.
9. You often compare yourself to others.
10. It is very difficult, and it seems that nothing will work out.

If you recognize yourself and agree with at least three points, then this article will be useful for you. Read on!

Imagine that this is how it is!

The first rule, which is applicable, perhaps, to any situation in life - just imagine as if everything is possible. Like you're a confident person.

What would you do?

Express your opinion openly in the group.

On the way to work on the subway or on the bus, ask any young person to give you a seat.

Ask for a pay rise.

As you do these things, don't think about what others will say. Imagine your own benefit.

Of course, you should not do this if it is not necessary. There must be a measure in everything, otherwise your confidence will grow into arrogance.

You can think, say and do what you want, without constraining yourself with any limits, not being afraid of anything and just being yourself.

There is nothing more pleasant than the feeling of comfort that spreads through the body when you are relaxed and free.

Prepare in advance!

Knowledge is power! If you have an important meeting, date, interview, then try to prepare in advance for this event. Think about what knowledge you lack, what you need to add, read textbooks, find additional information on the Internet, rehearse your speech in front of a mirror.

Remember the heroine of Irina Muravyova in the famous Soviet film, who said to her reflection: “I am the most charming and attractive”? Try to do the same.

And in general, praise yourself more often and say compliments. Thus, your brain will be stimulated to move further in a given direction. The main thing is that such praises should not be groundless. It turned out to overcome difficulties - tell yourself that you are great! After all, it really is!

Work on your speech!

Beautiful speech is a whole art that can and should be trained.
You can easily find public speaking courses and trainings on the Internet, where qualified masters will help you learn how to speak and speak beautifully in public.

For home analysis, try recording your speech on a voice recorder. After listening to the recording, you yourself can easily understand your weaknesses.
Communication is liberating! The right contacts help a person open up!

Dream!

Imagine yourself in the future, in a year, five or ten years. The main thing here is to dream for yourself as much as possible of what you want, without being embarrassed and without looking back to today. Therefore, feel free to draw in your imagination the most rosy prospects. How happy you have become!

And now this person who is satisfied with life must return to the present and analyze what needs to be taken and changed right now, so that years later he will not be left with nothing.

Another good way that will help you not only become self-confident, but also think about the meaning of life is to imagine yourself in old age on your deathbed, as if you had only a few days left to live. You can find similar advice from a psychologist in almost any book. They help you see missed opportunities and understand how insignificant your current fears and doubts are in the face of an inevitable end.

Turn on the man!

We, women, always want to cry in a vest, whine about how unfair life is, to be weak. But it only ends well in soap operas and cheap pulp novels.

The reality is harsh, “Moscow does not believe in tears”, and no one likes whiners. They say pity is a bad feeling. Worse than that is self-pity. It softens us, makes us weak. and now we are already thinking: “Something is so sad today, I’ll eat a piece of cake and drink a glass of wine instead of going to the gym, so what if the extra weight will somehow resolve itself.” Familiar?

As a result of this behavior, we can become depressed. And instead of moving towards the intended goal, we will roll back. And in the worst case, you will have to seek medical help. So stop making excuses for your weakness.

In difficult situations, it is important to remain calm and composure. Imagine that you are a man - tough, determined and strong. A real man will cry over a broken heel and a lost wallet? Of course not!

Be independent!

Start small - go shopping without a girlfriend. Choosing a new dress and lipstick is not the most difficult thing. And it will be easier to make more significant decisions if you practice on the little things.

Weigh the pros and cons. If you can't do it in your head, try writing out the arguments on a piece of paper in two columns. Don't be led by your emotions. Think more, imagine the consequences in detail, then the choice will become obvious.

Other people's advice should not be the basis for making decisions. You must take responsibility for your choice only on yourself. Otherwise, your life will turn into a story that is not written by you, but by someone else. And instead of being the main character of the story, you will become an outside observer.

The ability to take responsibility is the main feature of an adult and self-confident person, a mature personality.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. I have already said that mistakes are experience. Only by gaining this experience can you learn something. And if something went wrong, there is always a chance to correct the situation on your own.

I have a sad example - two girlfriends who never got married. As soon as one met a new man, the other immediately found flaws in him and recommended that she part with a potential groom. As a result, both lived to the age of 50 and did not start families.

Do you want a similar fate? No? then go ahead, think with your head, be responsible for your actions!

Joke!

Laughter prolongs life, strengthens the abdominal muscles, and also helps to overcome difficulties. I remember that before the exams, standing at the door of the classroom, we always joked. And it helped well to remove fear and embarrassment.

In student years, humor was a defensive reaction, it appeared spontaneously and unexpectedly. Now, years later, I understand the mechanism of action of jokes on the psyche. Therefore, if I have a difficult situation in which I do not know what to do, then a joke can at least defuse the situation. The brain briefly switches, and it is at this moment that a bright thought may come to mind.
And in general, humor unites people, brings them together, helps to feel each other and get on the same wavelength.

Sometimes it is enough just to smile at a stranger, as the whole world begins to smile back at you, and the day passes easily and smoothly.

One of my friends, when she went to important meetings with the company's management, imagined top managers naked. This technique allowed her to overcome embarrassment and increase self-esteem. She easily managed to turn the situation in her favor and defend the interests of her working group.

Accept yourself for who you are!

I often watch people from the sidelines. And recently I came to the conclusion that 90% of women do not like themselves. They are constantly looking for flaws in their appearance, prone to introspection, self-critical, blame themselves for failures on the personal front, underestimate their skills. With men, it's just the opposite, but it's not about them.

I think that these problems also come from childhood. They didn’t like us, they told us: “roll up your lip”, “it doesn’t happen like that”, “you won’t succeed”. In general, they inspired that we are worthless creatures.

What we have absorbed in childhood is the most difficult to change. Sometimes it turns out that by trying to eradicate our fears and insecurities, we feed them even more.
Or maybe you don’t need to deal with shortcomings? Try to accept them and live with them further, as if you are one!

Love yourself and the world will love you! I often see women whom nature has not endowed with beauty. But they accepted themselves, began to take care of themselves, take care of their appearance, apply makeup correctly, choose clothes and accessories. They look decent, they have charm, attractiveness. There are many such examples among world-class stars - Barbara Streisand, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tilda Swinton. They were able to achieve huge success and make a dizzying career, although far from beauties.

Build on your strengths!

It is very important to be able to hide your shortcomings and emphasize your strengths. This applies not only to appearance, but also to human qualities.

You do not understand art, but you are fluent in a foreign language. Not on good terms with chemistry, but physics is given with a bang.

Mark all your strengths and bet on development in this direction.
You went to law school because your mom said it was a lucrative profession and you gave up music.

Why work as an accountant if you don't like it? Just to feel confident in the future? Is this stability good? Nothing is permanent in our country. You can be fired at any time, even if it is better not to find an employee for you.

Maybe you have dreamed of becoming a photographer all your life, and you get great pictures?

Need to try right now! The best day is today! Not too late!

Better to do and regret than not to do and regret!

Conquer laziness!

If you go with the flow, moving on autopilot along the same trajectory - home-work-shop-home, then it is not surprising that sooner or later you become depressed and feel worthless.

A person who loves himself must also love what he does. To diversify your life, remember what you have long wanted to do, but never did.

For example, every winter you dream of skiing, but too lazy to get ready and spend the whole weekend on it? Would you like to go to the theater, but do not want to go to the other end of the city due to traffic jams?

Mark the date on your calendar when you will definitely do it! And in order not to change your mind, find like-minded people. Have friends or family keep you company.

And no excuses are accepted.

Don't be afraid to set goals and plan!

All boundaries and obstacles are only in our head. Everything you dream about can come true! The impossible is possible! The main thing is to resolutely tune in to success.

Visualization of our desires helps a lot in this. Do you want a new car? Choose the one you want. The choice must be approached very carefully. As if you are already in a car dealership and are going to pay for the purchase. Brand, model, color, equipment and additional options. Scroll everything in your head. Now find a picture, print it out and hang it in a prominent place in your home or office.

If you really want something, then the whole universe helps you! You will see, you will subconsciously begin to move towards the goal, and after a couple of months, to your surprise, you will find that there is not so much left before the dream comes true!

Do you want your children to grow up happy, full-fledged people without complexes, with a healthy psyche? So that they don't repeat your mistakes? Try to support them always and in everything! Give them the freedom to choose, the freedom to be themselves and not a reflection of your unfulfilled hopes.

We need to talk to children about love more often, praise them for their successes, help them overcome difficulties, give them a second chance.

Self-confidence should be laid down from infancy, so that later you don’t have to suffer and break yourself.

But remember that it is important not to go too far here so that confidence does not grow into self-confidence. Therefore, it is necessary to praise the child, and even oneself, only for real achievements and actions.

I sincerely hope that these tips, based on my own experience, will help some of you take at least one step in the right direction, gain confidence and independence. One step is not so little. After all, sometimes it can be so difficult to step out of your comfort zone even for a second. But, having taken this step, a whole new wonderful world opens up to us.

By applying at least some of the tips and getting even a slight increase in your self-confidence and self-esteem, you will significantly make your life easier, increase your income, improve your well-being and the quality of your life in general! You can actually achieve this quite quickly and easily.

Why is it important? Or what is self-confidence?

Your success in life = Your Professionalism/Skills , multiplied by Self-confidence and self-esteem. Which means that you cannot compensate with new knowledge and professionalism for a lack of confidence and self-esteem. If you want to live better and earn more, develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Have you noticed that there are not very smart, but successful people, self-confident, perhaps arrogant, boorish, rod forward like an innocent bulldozer and, oddly enough, “for some reason”, achieve what they want?

And vice versa, there are very smart, kind people, perhaps with 2-3 higher educations, but unsuccessful, because they are insecure and with low self-esteem? And no matter what they do, somehow everything does not work out very well, it falls out of hand. It is not a matter of professional knowledge, besides them, courage, pressure, and determination are still needed.

This is what it means to have or lack self-confidence and good self-esteem. You cannot compensate for them by getting another university degree or an MBA, reading another hundred books.

I know excellent, kind, beautiful people, with 3 higher educations, living in cities, who can hardly earn their own food, because they have a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Having even a small grain of self-confidence, you will be able to “move mountains” of cases. And it's really easy to implement, develop in yourself.

Tip 1: Insecurity and low self-esteem - no need to be ashamed.

We live in a very difficult time and go through several structural crises at once. We were not prepared in school for such difficult times and rapid changes. Therefore, economic crises are called depressions.

They hurt the self-esteem and self-confidence of almost all people. Even businessmen can't stand it. Stress, chronic fatigue and burnout are the main diseases that lead to heart disease, cancer and even death.

Shame - pushes the problem out of consciousness. In other words, what you are ashamed of - you try not to notice, not to talk about it and not pay attention to it. The problem will remain, only you will not notice it and will not know what you are suffering from. For example, I spent 10 years to understand what was the matter - I was ashamed. During this time, you could become dozens of times more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem. And forget about it.

Living with low self-esteem creates a risk to health and life in modern conditions. Therefore, it is vital to figure out how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Fear, shame and laziness have big eyes. Everything is much simpler than it seems, the road will be mastered by the walking one, and luck is a reward for courage.

Tip 2: Perfectionism or learn to live with self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Even many celebrities - admit that they consider themselves not very confident people. That doesn't stop them from being successful. There is no limit to perfection. There is no limit to self-confidence. The theme is natural for everyone - it's just that everyone has their own level.

Some lack the confidence and self-esteem to find a decent job. Others, in order to raise their business to a new level, earn another million, implement a grandiose project.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem will always bother you a little - this is normal. We are all living people. As soon as you reach your current goal, you will want more and again you will lack self-esteem and self-confidence for a new goal.

Learn not to give a damn about insecurities and learn to keep moving forward in a state of low self-esteem! Ideal conditions do not exist, and they are not needed. You will pass the next step and you won’t even notice how confidence and self-esteem have pulled themselves up.

Tip 3: Why most training doesn't work? The psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem are very deep subconscious a habit that you have developed and alas fixed for decades. And then, through negative experience and stress, they literally “concreted” in subconscious. We are controlled by the subconscious and habits - you need to change them first of all.

The work on changes must be carried out at two levels - at the conscious and subconscious levels. On a conscious level, for example, with the help of self-hypnosis, a quick effect is obtained, but short, and one has to constantly do self-hypnosis exercises or others. Only on a subconscious level can you develop deep changes and fix the result forever.

Most of the trainings that I have seen do not work on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence on subconscious level. Coaches just don't know how to work with the subconscious mind. Well, or they are too lazy to bother. And the practice is somehow more like self-hypnosis - self-esteem "bursts" like a soap bubble from the first difficulty.

It's much easier to create a short-term boost of confidence in one day - to quickly get great video reviews. The student will leave happy, but after 2 days, confidence and self-esteem fall below the plinth. The trainer does not care about this anymore - the feedback has been received and will be used to sell the course to other similar people.

Attempts to contact the coach again may end with a hint “that you are a fool”, “do more exercises”, pay again. This may be repeated several times. The student, having wasted money, remains in the cold and continues to soar over the same situations, but with ineffective exercises.

Tip 4: What should be the training? Secrets of the psychology of confidence and self-esteem.

A training that truly teaches how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence and leads to long-term and profound changes:

1. It lasts from 1 month to form the habit of thinking in a new way, the skills to stop doubting and being afraid.
2. It contains meditation exercises to form changes and consolidate the skill of “stop being afraid”, doubt at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness.
3. It has exercises that let go of previous negative experiences and doubts that concrete self-esteem below the plinth.
4. Improves life for literally a month, and even increase the income of the participant.
5. Tips and exercises should be simple. So that even the most insecure get the result, stupidly doing the exercises. The number of exercises performed turn into quality - the skills of inner confidence and strong self-esteem are formed.
6. Should not take a lot of time and a lot of effort. They simply do not exist in modern man. Approximately 1 hour a day no more.
7. "Shell" of tension- released? (“Shell” of tension - constantly tense muscles on the body on the lower back, shoulders, neck, hips, face - everyone has it, but not everyone feels it) If not, then this is not personal growth training, but nonsense, with a loss time and money. The effect will be short-term - a few days or weeks, a maximum of a month.

1. Qualitatively form new behavioral skills at the subconscious level - through simple exercises.

Exercise 1: You as an asset. How to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem based on previous experience.

The title suggests the solution. People with low self-esteem and self-doubt do not value themselves, their experience, their knowledge, their past achievements, their skills. They say -

“Well, it happened by chance, I was just lucky”, “oh yes, this is nonsense.” Just remember that accidents are not accidental.

If you yourself do not appreciate yourself and your achievements, who else will appreciate you? First you learn to appreciate yourself, and then others around you will catch up.

Get a notebook that will be your "diary of success." There is something magical about keeping your diary - just by keeping a diary, you can achieve sustainable personal growth, develop the skill of analyzing situations, changing yourself, and forming the desired character traits.

Remember your past experience and life stages: work, youth, studying at a university, school in different classes.

What successes, successes, victories, awards, achievements, skills, positive personal qualities did you have? What obstacles did you overcome to get them? Write it all down with your progress in your diary.

• What did you do well?
• What did you do on your own, “did your hands do it yourself”?
• What could you do for free?
• What activities do you lose track of time?
• What got you excited?
• Why did your eyes burn in childhood or youth, and your heart began to beat in pleasant excitement?

Write down everything you remember in your notebook. Consciousness is able to repress (forget) minor events. And such events are clearly underestimated in you. You will need several attempts to remember everything and do not require yourself to remember everything now. Just do this exercise for a few days. When you remember something, write it down.

Exercise - Daily experience.

People tend to pay more attention to negative events and forget, belittle their dignity. It is recommended that every day, mentally go through the events of the day, remember what you did today. Remember your small daily victories that you did not notice during the day, good luck, new opportunities, qualities.

Do the exercise for several weeks or even months until you have a stable habit, a new habit of noticing and appreciating any of your small achievements, noticing even small opportunities.

You will be surprised how effective this will be for you. It is from such “small” achievements that strong self-confidence is formed, stable high self-esteem and a successful life are developed.

Exercise 2: Subconscious changes or how to gain self-confidence and raise self-esteem from deep within.

Do you have grievances, doubts? For example, I considered myself not a touchy person. But everything turned out to be exactly the opposite. I was very touchy and actually took offense even at the smallest matter. Gradually, the understanding came that this was not normal and that it was only me. Gradually began to let go of resentment.

Remember the movie "Gentlemen of Fortune"? One of the main characters was constantly offended by the other: "I tell him - I have the flu, and he: - Get into the water, get into the water!" Because of this resentment, he forgot that he was forced to climb into the water to hide that very golden helmet. Which they could not remember where they hid and find, the whole movie.

It's the same in life because of resentment, we concentrate on the bad, and lose sight of the opportunities. And over time, it hurts self-esteem.

First, I wrote down in my diary all the grievances that bothered me at the moment, and what I could remember. There were 10-30 grievances. Then he released everything on the list. Then he wrote it down again and again, and let go until he let go of everything. Now a strong skill has been formed and I need exactly a couple of seconds to let go of resentment.

How much easier it became to live and communicate with other people.

The times when I was offended - I remember with horror. Letting go of resentment is an indescribable relief. Take a diary, write down 10-30+ grievances, start letting them go from the easiest to the most difficult. With each resentment released, you can gain a drop of self-confidence and slightly raise self-esteem.

“Only the weak can be offended.

Is it possible to offend a strong, confident person with strong self-esteem? It turns out that any offense initially positions you in weakness, vulnerability, in touch. Letting go of resentment means regaining your strength, self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence that you can handle it. How nice it is to be strong from the inside and gain self-confidence and well-deserved self-esteem.

- All grievances are such trifles - complete nonsense.

Stop acting like a sissy - you are much stronger than you seem. Life can give you a beating and kicks, so what? Is it worth it to be offended on every occasion? A kick in the ass means a step forward. A kick is not as terrible as our consciousness paints it. Discomfort from some situations is greatly exaggerated by our consciousness.

And do not waste precious energy on them - offended. Start letting go of resentment, and you will see how you will become much stronger than yourself. Let go of resentment for yourself, not for someone else. You need it first. Others do not care about your grievances - they carry water on the offended. Do the exercise, get rid of resentment and “they will stop carrying water” on your back.

You will gain your strength, become self-confident with strong self-esteem.

Exercise 3: Mistakes in life or how to be self-confident, increase self-esteem and love yourself despite past experiences.

Folk wisdom says:

• no bad without good
• not flour, but science in advance
• there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped.

The list of such proverbs could go on and on. The world is so arranged that everything is known in comparison. Achievements and victories are therefore valuable, because losses can be painful. Only good things would be like butter, cloyingly sweet.

Again, we are not taught and prepared for a real and tough life. Yes, it is a beautiful world - but it is full of dangers. Society is the same jungle with the struggle for survival, only tougher. And all life is a struggle: with sleep, with your weaknesses, with challenges, and with anything else ...

If you succeeded in something, then you received some benefit or reward. If you made a mistake and made a mistake, then you have learned a life lesson. If you want to achieve a lot in life, you need to increase the number of mistakes. Without mistakes, you cannot be successful.

Exercise: Write down the mistakes that bother you.

What lesson did you learn from this mistake? Yes, it may have been painful - accept the lesson and let go of resentment, at the situation, at yourself or others for what happened. This is a stage in life that you need to go through. Take the lesson and move on.

Everyone is wrong. But not everyone gets hung up on mistakes. Rejecting the painful "lesson" - you will attract similar situations to yourself again and again. By accepting the lesson, you return your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence that you can achieve what you want and reach a new level. By accepting the situation, you recognize that you are stronger than you thought about yourself. The way it is.

All your mistakes - dust, nonsense raised to a power - are not worth even one of your gray hairs. This is a fly turned into an elephant due to resentment. Let go and move on to new heights. This is exactly how strength, strong life skills are acquired, this is how self-confidence and iron self-esteem are forged and tempered.

Exercise 4: The roles you play. How to become a confident person and increase self-esteem.

We all play some role. For example, I played a role for a long time, a pretty guy, a shirt-guy, a cheerful perky guy. Still - it's so liked by others. Others play roles - I don't care, I don't need anything, I'm the most important, I'm cool / cool. All these roles are not yours and are imposed in the process of socialization.

Externally, they can manifest themselves in the choice of clothing, gait, gestures, facial expressions, and behavior.

Naturally, the role interferes with being yourself. By itself - to show their strength. For example, playing the role of a good guy, I could not say "no" - I'm a good guy - I was used accordingly. Playing some roles creates the illusion, security, that everything is in order.

In fact, playing a role creates a rejection of a part of yourself, naturally this leads to an underestimation of self-esteem and self-confidence. Embarrassment and embarrassment from oneself. Renouncing the role - you return yourself to yourself, find yourself, your strength, self-confidence. You allow yourself to claim what you really want in the depths of your soul!

Look into your past. What roles have you played or are you currently playing? Why do you think you are playing this role? What are you running from hiding in this role? What do you give up in yourself playing this role? What are you afraid of and hiding behind this role? Write down how you should behave in such situations in order to be yourself?

Write it down in your diary. Get yourself in the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you wrote down in your notebook. And you will become more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem at the deepest subconscious level.

Exercise 5: How to become self-confident, love yourself and increase self-esteem?

In general, there are no special differences for men or for women how to become confident in themselves, love themselves and increase self-esteem. There are male troubles, patterns of behavior, roles, weaknesses, prejudices of expectation or suppression of oneself. And there are women. Therefore, in this section we will talk about gender patterns of behavior.

Letting go of men's troubles as a way to build self-esteem and self-confidence.

For example, I had a pattern of behavior - unwillingness to cook, clean the apartment - this is not a man's business, but I'm a man! As a result, often trying to cook something, I unconsciously did something wrong, either the food burned out, or something else. It was a kind of unconscious protest that I lived alone. How would he complicate his life in order to “kick” himself for living alone.

Doing cleaning - I was very annoyed, angry with myself - this is not a man's business. Trying to jump out of your pants to make yourself a "real man". Well, and other male troubles that really interfere with life. After letting them go, for example, I realized that I really like to cook and I'm great at it.

And having accepted the fact that cleaning the apartment is a matter for both men and women, the perception has changed - I began to see in women precisely femininity, and not the cleaner of the apartment. By the way, women began to feel more comfortable next to me. And now we do the cleaning together, quickly, dividing duties and helping each other.

Letting go of women's troubles - the psychology of real femininity.

Naturally, these gender troubles interfere with life, interfere with being yourself. Similarly, there are female troubles. For example, for many women, femininity and weakness are synonymous. And in an attempt to "strengthen" their femininity, some women make themselves not just weak, but infirm.

I saw one like that - she could hardly carry a folder with documents, and at the same time she was very angry that she had to endure such a horror-horror weight of 1 kg so feminine. Well, how can a weak woman be confident or have strong self-esteem? Yes, no way. Best the enemy of the good. No one is forcing you to carry heavy things, just don't make yourself weak.

Another example of a female template is to live for others: for children, for a husband, for someone else. Which means the very suppression of oneself, the sacrifice of oneself in the name of "good" goals.

Such people are unpleasant and cause rejection, hostility. Get rid of this "tuning". Think - what female / male roles do you play? What gender pattern do you have. Why are you actually playing this role or trouble? What are you protesting against? Or what are you trying to prove? Did playing this role help you?

Discard this template - it is probably already very outdated and has become ineffective. What new behavior would be more adequate for you in the current conditions? Write it down in a diary and set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way and will no longer sweat because of these troubles.

Exercise 6: Unfinished business. Performance. Imitation of violent activity.

Unfinished business drains you of strength, health and reduces your productivity. It is impossible to deceive yourself or your subconscious - the subconscious or some inner part of yourself always knows who you really are.

If you are trying to get some new contract, customer or job, but at the same time you have a lot of unfinished business behind you, then your subconscious mind will slow you down. As if hinting - well, where do you need a new business, if you have not finished the old one yet? You won't make it. And it will start to fill you with doubts.

Unfinished situations keep you in the past and do not let you live. Incomplete relationships - interfere with personal life and are not allowed to create new relationships. Not letting go of unnecessary people from you - you do not let the right people into your life. All this lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of something or someone.

I remember I could not let go of some situation and addressed this to my teacher. He listened and asked - do I know how monkeys are caught in India? They eat there. I answered no. Hindus tie a glass jar and put a banana inside. The monkey sees a banana and sticks his hand, but the hand does not pass with the banana through the neck of the jar.

The monkey is unable to open his fist and release the banana, so he loses his life. My teacher looked at me and added - Let go of the "banana", don't be a monkey. Let go of the situation - do not waste your health and strength on it.

Do the exercise as quickly as possible: write down in your diary what unfinished business, relationships, situations do you have? Think about how you could finish them in order to free yourself? Write down your new steps in order to complete the situations. Start taking action immediately. Release those who need to be released.

You are doing this for yourself first of all, and not for someone else. Set yourself up for the future, that you will finish situations, projects, work. Stick to this new rule. Remember - you have no limits, except those. What you have created for yourself. You are the person who is holding you back the most.

Exercise 7: How self-doubt and low self-esteem affect health.

People with low self-esteem and self-doubt tend to relate to themselves, to their lives. Health is disdainful, disregard. Low self-esteem and self-doubt create a state of apathy. They discourage the desire to do something for themselves. Includes self-ignoring.

Even some revenge is possible. For example, one of my acquaintances in moments of hopelessness could drink, and then get behind the wheel and drive around the city "dizzy". Well, this is her form of self-blame, self-punishment of herself for the fact that something in life does not work out. There are other forms which I will not describe.

Remember that you need to take care of your health. Neglecting your health is tantamount to neglecting yourself. If you don't value yourself, who will value you? And at the same time, appreciating yourself and your health is almost the same thing. Be sure to take care of your health - do regular exercises - it's not difficult.

In a healthy body healthy mind. A healthy mind means healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Take care of your health and do not wait for better times - start taking care of yourself today and every day.

Exercise 8: Letting go of self-pity or how to become self-confident, love yourself and raise self-esteem.

There is such a pattern in behavior - poor baby, self-pity. Oh, the pain of self-pity. When you feel sorry for yourself, some muscles on your head tense up and cause incredible pain! Self-pity literally blocks your progress, ramming your self-confidence and self-esteem into the dirt.

Self-pity is very stressful to those around you. It's incredibly difficult to communicate with them. Therefore, people subconsciously avoid those who feel sorry for themselves, they subconsciously want to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Run away further. Surprisingly, people do not like to be miserable, but often fall into self-pity, they want to be pitied.

Which means they'll look pathetic, though logically few people can relate that. Get rid of this relic, hard times. With the help of pity, the maximum that you get is a handout in the form of a “crust of bread”. If you really want to succeed, you can't do it with handouts. Success must be taken by force, firmness, character.

By letting go of self-pity, you regain your strength, restore and strengthen your self-confidence, increase your self-esteem.

Write down in your notebook why you feel sorry for yourself? And start to paint why do you really feel sorry for yourself? Let go of pity until a strong skill is formed. Over time, you will be able to let go of pity in a few seconds. And there will be a habit to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Exercise 9: Look fear in the eye or the psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

All people have fears and are afraid of something. Again, everyone has their own level. We need fear to survive - it is a harbinger of danger. But when emotions are added to fear, then "the fly turns into an elephant." People say fear has big eyes. Because rational in your fear is no more than 1-3 percent.

And everything else that you are afraid of is dust, nothing. The other 97% of your fear is an exaggeration. Fear binds and hinders action. What can be self-esteem if there are fears? Fear is deposited on the body - a thick layer of tension. Letting go of fear releases tension in the body.

Castaneda (the most quoted mystic of the 20th century) argued that fear is our first enemy to be conquered. But if you lose to fear, then the loss will be for life. I met a girl who lost the battle to her fear. Those. she could not let go of some fear at the right moment.

Her fear turned into paranoia. She was afraid of everything. Most of her fears were contrived by her fertile imagination. For example, she was afraid to stand with her feet on a chair 30-40 cm high. How can you let go of fear? Look deep into fear. Figure out what you're really afraid of. Write it down in detail in your diary.

Imagine what would happen if something happened that you are afraid of? Is it really as terrible as the fear makes it out to be? Do you really not survive this? Keep looking "in the face" of fear and try to understand, to feel what you are really afraid of. Write down all your thoughts.

Before my final battle with fear, I tuned in for several hours.

I was shaking with fear, like a perch in the wind. But I gathered my courage, mentally tuned in, prepared to look him in the face - to sort out this fear. Everything turned out to be so banal. It was some kind of utter nonsense, which he himself came up with.

Let go and feel better. As if a great weight had fallen off the shoulders - the muscles of the shoulders and near the neck relaxed. Then I let go of many more fears. How many there were. And how they interfered with life. Has the fear disappeared completely? No, it is still there, just a little, 100 times less than it was.

So much should remain. Fear - as a harbinger of danger, which without fear we will not notice. Does it prevent you from living, acting, reaching new levels? No.

Exercise 10: Letting go of guilt or how to gain self-confidence, increase self-esteem and love yourself.

As Confucius said: The one who imposes on you a sense of guilt wants to command you. Feelings of guilt literally hammer self-esteem and self-confidence into the ground. Trying to gain self-confidence and self-esteem while feeling guilty is like trying to fill a sieve with water.

When you have a feeling of guilt, ropes can be twisted out of you. And the worst thing is that there will always be people who will do it. First, a person is accused of omissions, negligence, mistakes, and half of them are invented, and the rest is exaggerated. And then they allegedly do a favor and forgive, but in fact they plow on free work, obligations, etc.

Feelings of guilt are released, like resentment, only more difficult. Guilt is such a big offense at yourself. I recommend letting go of a few dozen grievances first in order to gain experience before taking on letting go of feelings of guilt. The moment when the feeling of guilt was released - you will not confuse it with anything.

This is the moment of the strongest relief, liberation, as if a heavy burden was removed from the soul. The biggest difficulty in letting go of guilt is that people really believe that they deserve it, that they themselves are to blame and should be punished.

You will be surprised, but you have no reason to feel guilty, even if you made some mistake.

And if you let go of guilt, this does not mean that you will make mistakes more often, it does not mean that you will go into all serious trouble and become without a tower. Rather, the feeling of guilt attracts mistakes and problems like a magnet.

Feel free to get rid of guilt - remember no one owes anything to anyone. Just as you don't owe anything, so do you. If you feel guilty, then you have loaded yourself with something superfluous. This kind of ego, look what a cool anti-hero I am, I was able to ruin the lives of so many people. But deep down, I'm good, so I'm tormenting myself with guilt.

You cannot be held responsible when you feel guilty. Guilt replaces responsibility. You will act extremely irresponsibly, people will be angry with you, offended, but your conscience will torment you. It's not conscience - it's irresponsibility that torments you. Do you want to be responsible? Let go of guilt towards others.

Exercise 11: Self-deceptions and delusions. Self-hypnosis of negativity or who are you really trying to deceive?

I remember how in the very beginning, when I was just starting to work on my self-esteem and self-confidence, my teacher carefully caught me in self-deception. For me it was like a bolt from the blue. "How? Am I fooling myself? It can't be like that.”

In the future, of course, many self-deceptions were revealed and released. Each time it brought incredible relief and gave a drop of self-respect and strength. If you think that you are not deceiving yourself, then this is your first self-deception! Nothing human is alien to you. Actually, like any other people.

You don't have to blame yourself for it. We are all like that, to one degree or another. Such are people, and you are the same - also, first of all - a person. Think about situations in which you have deceived yourself. Think about why this happened? Write down in your diary the reasons for self-deception in more detail. Don't be afraid to tell yourself the truth.

Remember or find in the situation the moment when you made the Choice in favor of self-deception. Mentally replay the situation. Imagine that you acted differently - as you should have. And set yourself the mood that next time in a new situation you will act differently - without self-deception.

Your environment pulls you in. If they are higher than you, they will pull you up. If it is lower than you, then they will accordingly be pulled down, and your confidence and self-esteem will fall. You can also choose a circle of like-minded people - those people who strive for more and really work on themselves - you will also grow with such people.

There is a category of people from whom you need to run away - it is impossible to help them. You will not have enough strength, health, or life to help them get out of the pit into which they stubbornly plunge themselves. This is not bad. This does not characterize you as bad. Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved. If you try to save someone around you, you will not save anyone, including yourself.

I am not saying not to help others. You can help if they help themselves. What if they drown themselves? Wouldn't it turn out that the drowning man would drag the rescuer along with him, i.e. You? There are some things life has to explain. And if people harm themselves so much, then only life can make them change their attitude towards themselves in order to start digging out of the hole.

There is nothing shameful in choosing the right social circle for yourself, refusing to communicate with those who drown themselves and drown others. Who will you hang out with...

Exercise 13: A mess in the head leads to low self-esteem and interferes with the development of self-confidence.

There is such a law of nature - what is outside, so is inside. (maybe someday I will describe all the laws of nature in interpersonal relationships in a separate article.) If a person has a mess around, then there is also a mess in his head. Excuse me. Living in a mess is hard. And by the way, putting and maintaining order around you leads to order in your head.

I know people who have a complete mess everywhere: at the desk, garbage in the car, dislike for cleaning the house. And, "oddly enough", in personal relationships, in business relationships, in friendships, with children and even with parents - also a complete mess. Without translucent. It's a pity for children - they can follow in the footsteps of a parent.

Well, I understand that unwritten rules must be broken if you want to achieve something. Serious projects cannot be realized in a perfectly ordered office. Working for the result implies some mess. And I'm not going to dispute it. But only a working mess, as a result of a working or creative process. And not a household mess, as a result of a mess in the head.

I urge you to fight against the domestic mess.

We worked - remove the excess, put things in order as much as possible. Similarly at home - put things in order in the rooms, in the cabinets where your things are stored, in personal documents, in your car, in the tools for men or in cosmetics for women, in the kitchen among dishes and utensils.

Don't stress if you need help - find and watch a few video tutorials, there are a lot of them now. Buy accessories for this: different hangers, drawers, folders, shelves are now full of them for all occasions - everything you need to restore at least some order.

Start striving for order. It can be difficult at first, then it will be natural. Learn to put the used item back immediately after use. This will take 3 seconds maximum. Take off your clothes - put them in your place straightaway or in a laundry basket. No need to accumulate it on chairs in order to collect everything later.

Put things in order in your apartment, in closets, on your desk, in things. Throw out the junk.

When you use a tool or accessory, put it right away. Used dishes - put immediately in the dishwasher - do not put them in the sink first, because it is faster for a second, so that later you can put everything separately in the dishwasher. By adhering to this rule, you will have order, cleanly and you will have time for much more. A lot more.

And I guarantee you that you will respect yourself more, find yourself, become more confident, self-esteem will increase - after you put things in order around you and when you strive for order. You will gain inner strength. Self-respect is the foundation of self-esteem and confidence.

Exercise 14: Comparing yourself to others or how self-doubt and low self-esteem are developed.

Probably one of the most damaging habits for self-esteem and self-confidence is comparing yourself to others. This habit feeds and concretes your self-doubt and low self-esteem. One way or another, everyone has this habit. Some have more, some have less.

If you take a closer look at this habit, you will notice features. Usually the comparison takes place selectively, with those who are more advanced, with those who are more successful, who are at a higher level, and without noticing the shortcomings of the object of comparison. In themselves, on the contrary, flaws are looked out under a microscope when compared.

If the object of comparison is not cool enough, then consciousness quickly finds another, more advanced object for comparison. It turns out a priori without a winning option, lowering self-esteem and self-confidence lower and lower than the plinth. This unconscious self-torture, framed in a "sweet" BDSM habit.

Naturally, such a comparison discourages, demotivates, prevents you from acting, improving your life, and can drive you into hopelessness, depression. To realize and get rid of such a habit - take a diary and for a while observe how you compare yourself with someone.

• How do you choose an object for comparison?
• How do you choose what to compare with what?
• What details do you pay attention to?
• What advantages do you not see?
• What flaws do you see in others?

You need to notice, realize in habit - everything that is described above. After you have painted the details, try to do exactly the opposite: look for your own advantages, and the object of comparison for shortcomings. You'd be surprised how much of both.

Tell yourself honestly - what are you better than, with whom you compare yourself?

I am almost sure that you will find virtues in yourself, qualities that you have underestimated in yourself until now. Keep looking for your virtues and write in your diary. Do this every time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone.

Having done this exercise several times, first in writing, then it will be enough orally - you will begin to notice more advantages in yourself, while others have more shortcomings and, in principle, you will get tired of comparing yourself with someone, this is an empty thing. You will just know that you are okay. You will succeed.

form an internal ban on the use of their strengths, qualities and advantages. Over time, you stop noticing them at all. You need to bring this quality back - to notice what you are superior to others. With practice, your mindset will change and the skill will develop.

You must learn to notice the weaknesses of your competitors.

Your mind and thinking must be sharpened to identify them. And develop this skill to the smallest detail. And somewhere in the background in the subconscious, your powers of observation should constantly work to identify your advantages over others.

I am sure that you have incredibly many advantages, you just do not notice them and forbid yourself to use them. And it has become a deep subconscious habit. Start changing your mindset. Find your strengths and other people's weaknesses. Allow yourself to use it for business, in order to win this competition.

Compare yourself today with yourself yesterday. This is necessary for a guide, so that you can see that you are growing, that you are advancing. Do something every day to be better than yesterday. And with these small steps you will gradually, but ironically increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will be surprised how fast you will move forward and up.

Exercise 15: Excessive modesty, shyness, honesty, truthfulness - or how they hide in themselves.

Many people overestimate modesty. Modesty is considered too strongly, as a benefactor, almost in the last resort. But in the current world, it is impossible to succeed with excessive modesty.

I want to warn you right away - I do not call for abandoning modesty in general. There is some benefit to it. But too much modesty is extremely harmful in modern society. I urge to refuse only "excessive modesty". And I really hope that you are smart enough to distinguish between "modesty" and "excessive modesty", because there are huge differences between them.

Excessive modesty, i.e. when there is a lot of modesty - this is nothing more than - suppression of oneself, an internal barrier, self-deception, when a flaw hiding under modesty in the form of low self-esteem and self-doubt is presented as a virtue.

A complete lack of modesty is bad, too much modesty is also bad.

There must be some golden mean, neither more nor less. And so part of the modesty you need to let go. Well, you are your own judge and are free to choose how much modesty to leave, and how much to let go - it depends on the life you want to live.

Recall situations in which you were too modest and missed something. Write them down in a notebook, then analyze each one in detail. Find the line when modesty was too much and it began to harm. Think about how you should behave differently so that you might not be missed?

Write down in a notebook, a new model of behavior. Set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you yourself have chosen.

All of the above applies to shyness, honesty, truthfulness - there should be neither too many nor too few of them. Who speaks a lot of truth is a truth-teller. Who is too honest - holier than the "Pope".

If you tell only the truth for at least 1 day and not lie, then by the evening you can become divorced, unemployed, without friends, beaten with broken bones in intensive care. Yes, I know we are taught to be too honest from the very childhood, and then such “too honest” - they cannot get along with anyone, because of their “too honesty”.

Busting with honesty, shyness, modesty - disguised self-repression, elevated to benefactors, which they are mistakenly proud of. There should be neither too many nor too few. Do an exercise with all the situations when you were too honest and shy - find an acceptable middle ground.

Exercise 16: Criticism - how to benefit and ignore bias?

A wise man was asked:
- Who was your teacher?
It's easier to answer who they were not,
the sage replied.

Everyone needs feedback and it looks like nothing but criticism. On the other hand, criticism can be unpleasant, annoying, painful, demotivating, hurts self-esteem and lowers confidence. Criticism can be helpful or useless, or it can be revealing.

The worst and most offensive criticism is its complete absence., which means that you swim too shallow and you are of no interest to anyone. It’s better to let it be non-constructive, negative, useless - anyway, at least some benefit can be extracted from it.

It follows that any criticism you receive is of HUGE value. As your self-esteem and self-confidence increase, you will be able to take harsher criticism more easily and get more out of it.

The most dangerous criticism is only positive feedback or praise. If you are not criticized negatively, then you are too authoritarian, suppress people or they are afraid of you, so they prefer to keep quiet, away from sin. Only positive feedback means that you are being deceived, possibly robbed, and you are missing something.

Criticism comes in several forms:

• Constructive criticism or feedback.

  Very valuable criticism, when useful - well contributing to the correction of errors. Available to fairly advanced people who respect you. It requires incredible efforts, life experience and wisdom to say exactly on target and without transitions to personalities and emotions. It can often take time to think about a topic and give accurate advice.

If you have found a person who can give you constructive and useful criticism, feedback - hold on to him with your hands, feet, teeth, money, gifts. This is the kind of criticism that is worth and must be paid for, because it pays off with interest.

Often, the majority forgets to pay for such criticism, and this is very, very stupid - such people also need to eat something, and even they are not fed for free. If you want more such criticism, which is essentially support - pay!

If the criticism is constructive and useless, biased, it means that you are being discredited by a professional. You may be facing a serious challenge. Which reveals that big interests or money are at stake. You have grown up, you have been noticed, perhaps you are biting off someone else's piece or someone wants to bite off yours.

• emotional criticism.

  With transitions to personality, with some displacement of discontent. The most common criticism Most people have no other way to express their thoughts. You shouldn't be angry with them. Although this is the most offensive, demotivating criticism. Develop detachment.

  And it is certainly difficult to criticize without emotions for everyone - this is not taught at school, this requires a subtle mind, education, and life experience. A person who criticizes like this is touchy, full of discontent, does not quite understand what he wants to say, and he also has little experience, education, and patience.

It may be significant in this criticism that this person does not quite respect you, otherwise he would choose words. Perhaps you do not respect yourself if you allow such an attitude towards yourself.

• Unconstructive criticism.

Over which you need to think, meditate in order to figure out what the critic wants to convey. It can be useful when the critic cannot express his thoughts accurately and does not fully understand what he wants to say.
Often useless: someone wanted to be clever or pursues some other interests - it is difficult to remain silent when no one asks. Learn to completely ignore useless criticism: The dog barks, the caravan moves on.

• Biased criticism, accusations, insults.

  Very revealing situations. When you are subjected to such criticism, you are trivially deceived, discredited or want to use. You are either not there, or have seriously crossed someone's path, you have been noticed and they are trying to eliminate you by dishonest methods. Well, or you stepped on someone's tail hard and painfully.

  Oddly enough, but it can be useful. Perhaps you accidentally hooked someone to the living and the person broke through. It's pretty hard to get anything useful out of this. Rather, such criticism is indicative - in, than it is indicative - you need to figure it out yourself. If there is no benefit, feel free to ignore it 100%, as if it does not exist.

  The presence of such criticism from enemies and serious competitors means a big fat plus for you. And vice versa, the presence of praise from competitors means a big fat minus - you are missing something, making mistakes or doing it wrong.

• Trolls.

  Mostly online. You are envied. Someone takes out their dissatisfaction on you. Perhaps you have gathered the wrong audience, they have nothing to do, they have a lot of time, little money and are too lazy to think - people are having fun, stupid, mischievous.

  This is a telling criticism. Starting from some level of popularity, trolls are a must, otherwise your popularity is a myth. Completely ignore what they say, write. But watch out for the numbers - it's indicative. If there are no trolls, then you are still of little interest to anyone. Change your strategy - start doing more confident actions.

Too much negative and emotional criticism, which a person does not have time to realize and let go, can make a person neurotic by leaps and bounds, drives into apathy, depression. However, we are not taught in school or universities how to benefit from different types of criticism. It's a pity.

In fact, it means that education and upbringing does not teach how to live. This can only be taught by parents if they have such skills or in training. And first of all, it is your task to independently form the skills you need for a successful life. Remember - no one owes you anything, not even your parents.

Good feedback and soft constructive criticism - on the contrary, moves forward by leaps and bounds. Do not spare money for such criticism - pay, you will avoid many mistakes that will cost you ten times more.

There are people who are completely closed from criticism.

And therefore, for years, banging their heads into the same situations in which they periodically find themselves, like kicking on cow cakes. If a person is closed, then he is closed. To criticize such a person is to make an enemy. If you perceive criticism painfully, it seems to you that everyone bothers you - perhaps you are also closed to criticism. Do the exercise and begin to gradually open up.

It is vital for you to be able to be open and take advantage of criticism, and include detachment. Psychological armor "like in a tank", from incorrect criticism - let them beat their heads. Learn to distinguish one criticism from another. To do this, periodically analyze the situations and context of criticism in which you find yourself.

Recall now one situation when you were criticized. It is very revealing why it really hooked you? Do not think about what the person said - think about why it really hooked you, offended you? Very often, during painful criticism, I caught myself thinking that I myself also consider it horror and condemn myself for it.

I don’t change anything, I pretend that everything is in order - that’s why the criticism was so catchy. Think about what mistakes you actually made? What should you do differently to avoid such situations in the future?

For example, I had a conflict with an employee of the rank below.

Formally, I was right - in "everything for a common cause", but only formally. He spoke very badly about me and constantly created problems for me, the work was done terribly, they even almost got into a fight. After meditating on situations, I realized that I was behaving arrogantly, overly demanding, in relation to him.

Having removed my arrogance towards him, the situation “itself” was exhausted in 5 seconds. We began to understand each other from half a word and implemented a large number of cases together, which was almost impossible before. We both forgot about the situation and only after 1.5 years I accidentally remembered that we once had a conflict.

To some extent, every person who criticizes you is your teacher.

Exercise 17: Responsibility = control = result = confidence = self-esteem.

We live in a very, very difficult time. We were not prepared for this. Now several crises have coincided in time: structural economic crisis, cultural, civilizational, demographic, religious, informational and others. It's not that we weren't prepared for this - we were created all these difficulties, one way or another, on purpose or not on purpose - it doesn't matter.

But you are still stronger than external shocks and problems. You have been given a LOT of strength from within to cope with all the difficulties. There are still incredibly many opportunities to succeed even in this time of crisis. Raise your confidence and increase your self-esteem - you will see for yourself.

And it doesn't take much time. And in order for everything to become accessible to you, you need to take responsibility for your life, for the position in which you are.

You need to firmly tell yourself that you are the only one responsible for the troubles and victories that happened to you. Neither victory nor achievement was an accident. Your current position is the result of decisions you made earlier, or inaction, the result of your earlier choices. Only in some cases it led to victories, and in others to mistakes.

If you are not involved in your mistakes, then you are not involved in your victories either.

By accepting your involvement in your mistakes, you thereby unlock your inner strength. If you made a mistake, then it was you who also made the victory, and not someone or something. And this is not an accident. And, therefore, if you could win then, then you can win now and in the future!

Just keep in mind - DO NOT beat yourself up, condemn yourself for mistakes. One must accept oneself, although it can be difficult - otherwise it is not acceptance, but rejection of oneself. Acceptance is when you accepted a mistake, do not condemn yourself for it, you are not ashamed to say to yourself - yes, I made a mistake, I am, first of all, a person.

By accepting responsibility for what is happening to you, you can change. As Karen Horney, a world-famous psychologist, said: External problems are nothing if you are strong from the inside.

Take responsibility for what is happening - start doing these exercises, and your life is guaranteed to begin to improve by leaps and bounds.

Did I do all these exercises myself?

Yes, I have done them dozens of times, each. And I know many such people. And by the way, not only these - I did many times more exercises. I have painted for you only the most necessary and effective. Their lives have changed drastically.

And the period of my life, my youth, which should be the most beautiful part of life, is now remembered as a nightmare - because of all these stupid and petty mistakes. Like a headbutt against a wall. Like a lot of mistakes, a lot of noise, disappointments and few results.

With each exercise performed, life became better and better. I keep doing them - life keeps getting better. And oh, how nice! And I am sure that you can significantly improve your life with the help of these exercises! And is there anything more important than that?

Performing such an exercise means to truly appreciate yourself and your life. It means self-respect, self-care. Getting rid of these petty troubles means loving yourself, finding yourself, returning yourself - squeezing a slave out of yourself drop by drop. The unwillingness to change, to take care of your health is indicative: subconsciously (unconsciously) you do not value yourself and your life.

A person who does not do such exercises is simply deceiving himself. I hope this is clear to you. I hope it is clear to you that a nightmare life and old age awaits you if you leave all these small bad habits?

How to perform these exercises quickly and accelerate your progress? Self-confidence training.

Now it is not enough to practice the right exercises. Life is changing too fast, getting more complicated. People are overloaded with work, household chores, and there is little time left for practice, as well as strength. It is vital to achieve quick results.

1. An environment that motivates change or practice in the company of like-minded people.

“It’s bad for a person when he is alone.
Woe to one, one is not a warrior"
V. Mayakovsky.

Internal changes are easier and faster when you are in the right environment set up for the same changes as you. In such places, a chain reaction occurs when group members help and stimulate each other.

While your current environment will demotivate, discredit what you do. On the other hand, it is very difficult to admit to someone that you are working on self-esteem - only very strong people are able to understand what you mean and appreciate.

95% of people do not learn and do not want to change. I don't know how they will survive in 5-10 years and I think that the most serious problems await them. Look for like-minded people and an environment in which you can open up, and which will pull you towards changes and finding yourself.

One of the possible options for joint practice and work on oneself is my “Inner Circle” - the participants in my self-confidence trainings.

2. Meditations: Engine and fuel to move forward.

Any change needs energy. And where to get it, when all the forces go to work and life? Answer: meditation to accumulate energy. Yes, it is with meditation that the speed of changing oneself increases tenfold and the practice turns into an easy pleasant process.

Thanks to meditation, you can learn to let go of some grievances, feelings of guilt in just a few seconds, according to the principle of remembering and letting go.

Teaching meditation through an article is like learning to swim while sitting in the office. At the initial stage, meditation is practiced with a leader, and then independently.

Having mastered meditation once, you can then use it for the rest of your life. Meditation you can master at the training "Doubling self-confidence in 5 sessions"

3. Intensive start with self-confidence training.

I hope you enjoyed this article and exercises, and you received an exhaustive, understandable, constructive answer to the question: how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence?

• Do you agree that by applying at least half - your self-confidence will increase significantly?
• Do you agree that by practicing these exercises on a regular basis for another year, your self-confidence will increase significantly? Namely, 2 - 3 - 10 or more times?
• Do you agree that by doing at least part of the exercise, your life will improve significantly? Will you be less nervous, tired, make mistakes?

The only thing left is to start doing these exercises and get the result. The bad news is that by postponing it now for later, you will return back to your reality and forget in 1-2 days not only about the exercises described above, but also about the article in general.

You and your life will remain without the changes you desire. Perhaps you will not be able to achieve your goals and dreams - because you did not have enough self-confidence. In order to change something - you need to act!

And the best time to act is now. In six months or a year, you will greatly regret that you did not start doing the exercises today. Follow the link and register for the training.

This training is the best way to start improving your life. Register now and see you at the training!

Change, i.e. Only active actions - doing exercises - can improve your life. Do the exercises regularly - and then the result is guaranteed to come to you, you won't even notice it. Follow the link above, register for the training and start practicing today!

PS2

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What to do if you feel unworthy, ugly, boring? And many, many more negative adjectives. It is important to look inside yourself and want to fix it all. How to raise self-esteem for a girl, woman, teenager?

Perfect balance

Good and adequate self-esteem consists of 2 components: autonomy and adequacy. It is important to catch the balance in this, so that every day, hour and minute you will be in harmony with yourself.

autonomy

The first component is autonomy. Usually a girl knows everything about herself: who she is, what she can do, what kind of specialist she is, knows her desires and goals. And even if the world, friends, colleagues and relatives turn 180 degrees away from her, she is always confident in her life position. Autonomous self-esteem does not depend on critics or advisers, or on the experience of others, or on any external stimuli.

Examples

Wrong:

• Mom, dad, I want to fly to Paris with my friends for the weekend.
• Oh no, what are you! This is an unknown country. You will get lost there / money will be stolen from you / aliens will attack you.
• Well, yes. Then I won't fly to Paris.

Right:

• Mom, dad, I'm still flying to Paris. I have great friends. I know the language well, I can find an approach to people. I know that I can.

Adequacy

How to raise self-esteem and self-confidence of a girl? Your self-esteem should be adequate. You must evaluate yourself the way the world around you evaluates you.

If you dream of singing, and one of your friends told you not to do it, then you should not stop, this is only one opinion. But if there is already a large company of reputable people who understand music, they tell you this, then you should think about it. There is a possibility that your self-esteem is inadequate. And maybe you need to discover some other talent in yourself.

Although ... it did not stop. And the girl is rushing through. By the way, it is she who is a good example of high self-esteem. A girl who has risen in importance and cuts millions on it.

Never criticize yourself out loud in front of other people. There is a high probability of convincing them of this.

‼There is a misconception among people: they think that their self-esteem will increase only when they lose weight, when they receive an Oscar or become a top manager of Gazprom. It's a delusion. You need to have adequate self-esteem here and now. It grows from within. And only to such people who know their significance, what they ask for comes.‼

Looking for reasons

Before we tell you how to raise a girl's self-esteem, it is important to identify the causes of this condition. What has led you to have to fight and overcome yourself every day?

Everything comes from childhood.

This is such a hackneyed phrase that many do not pay attention to it and pass it on deaf ears. Despite all its importunity, in most cases, all problems come from childhood.

If you had a happy childhood, and you think that your problem is definitely not in the family, then just skip this paragraph.

It is impossible to identify one reason for everyone, so we tried to collect some phrases that could sound in one interpretation or another from the lips of your relatives:

• What a pest you are! You broke the TV / iron / do not put toys in place / do not clean up after yourself, etc.
• Oh, you can never lose weight! No one in our family has ever lost weight. It's all genes.
• Look how good Yegor is doing, and you have ... hands-hooks.
• Well, what do you have there? Drawing? Yes, some kalyaki-malyaki, stay. Not up to you now.
• You don't have to go there, don't even think about it. Pirates will pick you up and take you to the Caribbean!
• Well, the standard one: “But the son of my mother’s friend is already sitting in the government and publishing laws. And what have you achieved, elf of the 80th level? But Natashenka, the daughter of Aunt Lyuba, has already married, given birth to triplets and took an apartment on a mortgage. Well, the truth is already divorced, but this is not so important.

All this can also be attributed to hypo- and hyper-care, when the child runs on his own or the parent is too protective of his child.

withered tomatoes

Quite often, the cause of low self-esteem is our dearest and closest (once) person. If you have started a relationship with an unconscious and unrealized person in life, then he will throw out all his jambs on you.

Your shortcomings bother you because you give them too much importance.

As soon as his fantasies, which he created in his head, do not coincide with reality and with your behavior, he will immediately be dissatisfied. The partner will label you with labels that you are somehow not like that. A huge number of complexes are born from this, because you understand that this is what the dearest person is telling you.

Have a nice day, everyone

Social networks and #luxurious life These are now the main factors that can significantly lower a person's self-esteem. You get up in the morning, flip through the feed and see that yesterday Lyuska said that she could not lend you 1000 rubles, because she herself had no money. And today she has already posted photos from Cyprus, where she wishes everyone #GM. And many people who have some merit rate themselves very low.

Practices and techniques

How to raise self-esteem for a girl at 16, at 25, at 35, at 40? For you, we have collected some tips that will help you become stronger and find yourself. You can use all at once or just one.

Enjoy your victories

You should always start small. Keep a diary or notebook, notes on your phone will do. And every day, write down your achievements, good deeds and note your positive qualities:

• I took the little kitten out of the tree;
• I can wash all the dishes in 20 minutes and the pan too;
• I found the strength to get out of bed and go to school;
• I can go 3 hours without cigarettes;
• I can eat 1500 calories to lose weight;
• I can not respond to the messages of the former, no matter how offended I am;
• today a classmate offended me, but I was able to remain silent and adequately respond to this problem.

Everything that happens to you, try to turn it into virtues. If you do this technique for at least a week, then you will be very surprised how much good is hidden in you. How much more can get out?

hidden gift

In your notebook, you can write down your goals. What exactly do you want? A house, a car, a family, a holiday in the Maldives, a new iPhone... What's stopping you from getting all this? What belief and blocks? But the answer to this question should be short.

• What do I want?
• Meet a status and wealthy man?
• What's stopping me?
• I `m ugly.

• What do I want?
• New phone.
• What's stopping you?
• I earn little.

As you say these phrases, you should ask yourself: Where does this belief live? What feeling does it evoke in me? Next, you need to immerse your inner gaze, inside yourself, and see how exactly it lives there? What is this? Swamp? Raw hole? A dark room? Goo? Each has its own association.

Try your best to describe this place. Just don't get distracted. Dive to the very bottom. After a couple of minutes, the bottom should knock, and the second bottom will open. Get rid of this state completely.

How to increase your self-esteem to a girl with affirmations? After the work done, write down on paper your qualities of antipodes:

• Was: I `m ugly. It became: I am beautiful, I am worthy of love.
• Was: i'm irritable. It became: I adequately and calmly react to any things.

Learn to accept compliments from others. Never give them up.

Unearth your hidden gift that lies at the root of your flaw. Envision and visualize yourself in these positive accomplishments, stepping from your right to your left foot. You can also say motivating phrases before some extreme actions: skydiving or diving. These techniques will help anchor beliefs in your mind.

Own stickers

How to increase a girl's self-esteem? After you have collected your cool qualities, try to draw your symbol in this state, which will reflect your positive sides. It can be a heart, a star, your zodiac sign, a unicorn, a princess, a crown, whatever.

Make 20-30 of these stickers and just spread them all over the room. As soon as you see them, you will remember your positive aspects or goals. They will definitely play a role in your development.

To meet fear

How to raise self-esteem for a teenage girl and a creepy introvert? Even if you are the most notorious introvert in the world, go to meet your fear. Start Instagram, post your selfies, your looks, your food, share your music. This is insanely hard to do, but encourage yourself to public speaking. in adequate amounts. Let them admire you, let them evaluate you.

Turn your problems into dust. Reduce their importance.

Chakra pumping

Those who are fond of this can try to pump their 3rd chakra. The chakra called Manipura is responsible for our self-esteem and is located in the navel. During meditation, you must plant a seed in yourself with the program "I can!". It is this phrase that strengthens self-esteem and makes it autonomous.

There are two ways to pump chakras:

Sport

If you like to play sports, then during physical activity, scroll through your positive qualities in your head: I can cook well, I can help animals, I can enjoy life, and so on. During such classes, your energy is strengthened, and self-esteem increases.

How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? How to gain self-confidence and believe in yourself? What self-esteem tips and tricks really work?

Greetings, dear readers! With you Denis Kuderin.

It has long been proven by scientists that self-esteem is one of the most important factors in achieving success in life and a sense of self-confidence.

Low self-esteem leads to poverty, depression and a sense of the meaninglessness of one's own existence.

If you or your friends are faced with this problem, then today I will share with you effective ways to resolve it, which helped me personally.

All the techniques and techniques described in the article are recommended by leading psychologists and simply successful people who apply them every day in their own lives.

Using them in practice, you can not only become more confident, but in the end even increase your income and even start a business.

Let's start, friends!

1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives

To achieve success in any area of ​​his activity, a person needs to be self-confident and be able to convince others of his rightness.

People with low self-esteem cannot be happy by definition: their entire existence consists of doubts, disappointments and introspection. Meanwhile, a bright, eventful life passes by, reaching those who do not doubt their own rightness and confidently walk towards their goal.

A person with low self-esteem considers himself unworthy of happiness, therefore, subconsciously inferior in everything to others. To change the situation in your favor, you need to change yourself - there is no other way.

In this article, I will tell you why a person's self-esteem is so important, what reasons affect its decline, and how to increase self-esteem for a man, woman (girl), teenager with the most effective methods.

Self-esteem- this is an individual's idea of ​​the importance of his personality in relation to other people and an assessment of his own qualities - advantages and disadvantages.

Self-esteem is extremely important for the full functioning of the individual in society and the achievement of various life goals - success, self-realization, family happiness, spiritual and material well-being.

Self-assessment features

The self-assessment functions are as follows:

• Protective- provides stability and relative independence of the individual from the opinions of others;
• Regulatory- enables a person to solve problems of personal choice;
• Educational- provides an impetus to personal development.

Of decisive importance in the early formation of self-esteem is the assessment of our personality by others - in particular, parents, peers, friends. Ideally, self-esteem should be based only on the individual's own opinion of himself, but in reality it is influenced by many different factors.

Self-esteem is the attitude of a person to himself: to his capabilities, physical and spiritual qualities. An adequate assessment of one's own capabilities helps to avoid mistakes and at the same time is an incentive for further development.

Psychologists believe that ideal self-esteem is the most accurate assessment of a person's abilities.

Low self-esteem makes a person doubt, think and make wrong decisions, and too high self-esteem leads to making a lot of mistakes.

In most cases, we are dealing with a person's underestimation of his capabilities, which is why a person is not able to fully reveal his potential and does not understand how to increase self-esteem.

A well-known coach in the field of the psychology of success believes that low self-esteem is the main reason for a person’s financial insolvency. After all, if you treat yourself badly, you don’t have confidence in your abilities, then you are doomed to be poor, and you won’t even have to dream of your own business.

On the contrary, an increase in self-esteem leads to an increase in your income and earning more money. So if you have financial problems, be sure to look for the cause in your emotional state.

An inferiority complex is a pathological manifestation of low self-esteem.

It is self-esteem that is the key to achieving success in any sphere of human activity. Self-confidence leads to the adoption of important and timely decisions, and underestimation of one's strengths reduces the level of a person's personal energy, makes him constantly doubt himself and, instead of actions, think about action.

2. Why it's important to love yourself and what happens if you don't

To increase self-esteem means to love yourself: to accept yourself as you are with all the flaws and flaws. Everyone has disadvantages: a self-confident person differs from an ever-doubting and insecure person in that he sees in himself not only shortcomings, but also advantages, and at the same time knows how to present himself favorably to others.

If you don't love yourself, how can others love you? It is known that consciously and subconsciously people strive for contact and communication with self-confident individuals. It is these individuals who are most often chosen as business partners, friends and husbands (or wives).

If you doubt yourself and reproach yourself for every little thing, you automatically program yourself for further failures and make the decision-making process more and more difficult. Learn to praise yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself - you will see how the attitude of others around you will change.

Signs of low (-) self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem usually manifests such qualities as:

• excessive self-criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself;
• increased sensitivity to criticism and the opinions of others;
• constant indecision and fear of making a mistake;
• pathological jealousy;
• envy of the success of others;
• a passionate desire to please;
• hostility towards others;
• constant defensive position and the need to justify one's actions;
• pessimism, negative outlook.

An individual with low self-esteem perceives temporary difficulties and failures as permanent and draws the wrong conclusions. The worse we treat ourselves, the more negatively others treat us: this leads to alienation, depression and other psycho-emotional disorders.

3. High self-esteem and self-confidence is an important factor in achieving success

Before I talk about ways to increase self-esteem, I want to emphasize the importance of self-love for success and well-being. For some reason, it is believed that selfishness is a sin, or at least something that should be avoided.

In fact, the lack of love and respect for one's own personality just gives rise to numerous complexes and internal conflicts.

If a person has a low opinion of himself, it is unlikely that others will think differently. And vice versa - self-confident people are usually highly appreciated by others: they listen to their opinion, they strive to communicate and cooperate with them. By learning to respect ourselves, we will gain the respect of others, and we will also learn to adequately relate to the opinions of others about us.

Signs of high (+) self-esteem

People with healthy, high self-esteem have the following benefits:

• accept their physical appearance as it is;
• self-confident;
• not afraid to make mistakes and learn from them;
• calmly perceive criticism and compliments;
• know how to communicate, do not feel shy when communicating with strangers;
• respect the opinions of others, but also value their own view of things;
• take care of their physical and emotional well-being;
• develop harmoniously;
• achieve success in their endeavors.

Self-confidence and self-respect are as necessary factors for success and happiness as the sun and water are for a plant: personal growth is impossible without them. Low self-esteem deprives a person of perspective and hope for change.

4. Low self-esteem - top 5 reasons

There are a great many factors that directly or indirectly affect our attitude towards ourselves. These are genetic features, and external data, and social status, and marital status. Below we look at 5 of the most common causes of low self-esteem.

Reason 1. Wrong upbringing in the family

Our attitude towards ourselves directly depends on the right upbringing. If our parents did not encourage us, but on the contrary, scolded us and constantly compared us with others, we simply will not have a reason to love ourselves - there will be no soil on which faith in our abilities will be based.

A decrease in self-esteem and a lack of confidence in one's own words and actions are influenced by parents' criticism of any initiatives, undertakings and actions. Even as an adult, a person who was constantly criticized as a child subconsciously continues to be afraid of mistakes.

Parents (teachers, coaches) should know how to increase the self-esteem of a child who suffers from self-doubt and self-doubt.

The best way is praise, unobtrusive encouragement. It is enough to sincerely praise the kid several times for a correctly completed school assignment, a carefully drawn drawing, and his self-esteem will inevitably increase.

Psychologists say that the family is the center of the world for the child: it is there that all the future characteristics of an adult personality are laid. Passivity, lethargy, insecurity, and other negative qualities are a direct reflection of parental suggestions and attitudes.

Usually, self-esteem is higher in single children and those who were born first. Other children often develop a "little brother complex" where parents constantly compare the younger child to the older one.

An ideal family for adequate self-esteem is one in which the mother is always calm in a good mood, and the father is demanding, fair and has unquestioned authority.

Reason 2. Frequent failures in childhood

No one is immune from failures, the main thing is our attitude towards them. A severe traumatic event can affect the psyche in the form of a guilt complex and a decrease in self-esteem. For example, some children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents or their frequent quarrels: in the future, guilt is transformed into constant doubt and inability to make a decision.

In childhood, completely harmless events acquire cosmic proportions. For example, taking second, and not first place in a competition, an adult athlete will sigh and continue training with a vengeance, and a child can get psychologically traumatized for life, especially if the parents do not show proper understanding of the situation.

What feeds on low self-esteem in childhood? Failures, mistakes, ridicule of peers, careless remarks of adults (parents in the first place). As a result, a teenager develops an opinion that he is bad, unlucky, defective, and a false sense of guilt appears for his actions.

Reason 3. Lack of clear goals in life

If you have nothing to strive for in life, you do not need to strain and make strong-willed efforts. Lack of clear goals, laziness, following standard philistine imperatives is easy and does not require the manifestation of personal qualities. Such a person does not plan to become successful and rich, he is passive in nature.

Often, people with low self-esteem live on autopilot, half-heartedly. They are satisfied with gray tones, an inconspicuous lifestyle, the absence of bright colors - there is no desire to get out of the swamp. Such people stop paying attention to their own appearance, income, stop dreaming and strive for change. Naturally, self-esteem in such a situation is not just low, but absent altogether.

Growing up, a person becomes passive, and then he transfers all these problems to his family when he marries (marries).

Here the conclusion suggests itself: it is also necessary to increase self-esteem for a man and a woman, that is, an adult, just like a child. After all, everything starts from childhood, and then nothing changes if an adult does not make efforts for this.

Reason 4. Unhealthy social environment

If you are surrounded by people without specific goals in life, who are in constant spiritual suspended animation, it is unlikely that you will have a desire for internal transformations.

High self-esteem and ambitions appear where there are role models - if all your friends and acquaintances are used to living in the shadows, without showing initiative, then you, most likely, will be completely satisfied with such an existence.

If you notice that in your environment everyone is pathologically accustomed to complaining about life, gossiping, judging others and philosophizing excessively for no reason - it’s worth considering, are you on the way with these people?

After all, such people can become energy vampires for you and prevent you from awakening your true potential.

If you feel that such a trend is taking place, change this environment or at least limit communication with it.

It is best to communicate with those people who are already successful, have their own business and know how to make money. We have already written earlier on the topic, we recommend that you read this article.

Reason 5. Defects in appearance and health

Low self-esteem often occurs in children with physical defects or congenital diseases.

Even if parents behave correctly towards such a child, the social environment can significantly influence him - first of all, the opinion of peers.

A typical example is overweight children who are given offensive nicknames in kindergarten or school. Low self-esteem in such cases is practically ensured if appropriate measures are not taken.

In this case, it is worth trying to eliminate the existing shortcomings, and if this is not possible, then you need to start developing other qualities in yourself that will make the person (child) more developed, charismatic and self-confident.

Example

If a child is overweight and has a corresponding unattractive appearance, then with the right approach to the development of his abilities and talents, this disadvantage can be turned into an advantage.

Perhaps he will show abilities for sports (weightlifting or wrestling, or boxing), or vice versa, he will be able to become a sought-after actor with his inherent type.

In general, there are thousands of examples where people with huge physical disabilities have achieved worldwide recognition, created happy families and at the same time live the life that the "healthy" can only dream of.

The most striking example of this is the world famous speaker and preacher. Nick was born no arms and no legs , naturally experienced a huge inferiority complex and even wanted to commit suicide.

But, thanks to his willpower and desire to live, he achieved public recognition and helped thousands of people around the world find themselves and cope with psychological difficulties.

Now Nick is a dollar millionaire and a favorite of thousands of people, because he helped them change their lives. By working on your self-esteem, you can achieve unprecedented heights and even repeat the success of Nick Vujicic, despite the fact that now your condition may not be the best.

And we already wrote about how rich people think and what it takes to become a millionaire.

5. How to Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence - 7 Powerful Ways

How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? There are many ways to make yourself believe in your own strength, but I have chosen seven of the most reliable and effective options.

Method 1. Change of environment and communication with successful people

Since man is a social being, he is completely dependent on his environment. How to believe in yourself and increase self-esteem with the help of other people? Very simple - you need to change your environment.

I already wrote above that communication with lack of initiative, lethargic and lazy people without ambition and desire for change is a direct way to lower self-esteem and lack of life motivation.

If you radically change your circle of contacts and begin to contact successful, purposeful, self-confident people, you will almost immediately feel how you are changing for the better. Gradually, self-respect, self-love and all those qualities, without which it is impossible to achieve success, will return to you.

By communicating with successful and prosperous people, you will learn to appreciate individuality (including your own), begin to treat personal time in a different way, gain a goal and begin to achieve success on your own.

Method 2. Attending events, trainings, seminars

In any city, events, trainings or seminars are held, where specialists teach everyone who wants self-confidence and self-esteem.

Experts in applied psychology in a few months will be able to make a strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person out of a timid, indecisive individual: the main thing is to have an initial impulse and a desire for change.

There are many competent books that describe in detail, with examples and explanations, the need for love and respect for yourself: if you want changes, acquaintance with such literature will be very productive.

Particularly relevant to boosting women's self-esteem are Helen Andelin's The Allure of the Feminine and Louise Hay's Heal Your Life.

It is also useful to watch video content on this topic - documentaries and feature films that help increase self-esteem.

Method 3. Getting out of the "comfort zone" - performing unusual actions

The desire of a person to get away from problems in the zone of personal comfort is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to console yourself with sweets, alcohol, savoring your own impotence. It is much more difficult to face the challenge and do something that is out of character for us.

At first, it may seem that outside the comfort zone is a hostile and inhospitable world, but then the understanding will come that real life, full of beauty, adventure and positive emotions, is exactly where you have not been before.

Staying in habitual conditions is like living in an invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave simply because you are used to it. By learning to leave your "comfort zone" and at the same time remain calm, collected and balanced, you will gain a powerful incentive to raise your self-esteem and form your new image.

You can start small - for example, stop sitting in front of the TV after work, and buy a subscription to the gym, go jogging, yoga, meditation.

Set a task - to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet a girl you like tonight. Do not be afraid if the first time you do not succeed - but new sensations and increased self-esteem are guaranteed.

Method 4. Refusal of excessive self-criticism

By stopping self-flagellation, blaming yourself and "eating" for mistakes, flaws in appearance, failures in your personal life, you will achieve several goals at once:

1. Release a huge amount of energy. You will not have to pay attention to self-blame, and there will be time for other, more creative and worthy tasks;
2. Learn to accept yourself the way you are. You are the one and only person on this planet. So why compare yourself to others? It is better to focus on achieving your own goals according to your potential and your idea of ​​happiness;
3. Learn to see the positive traits of your personality. Instead of dwelling on the negative, purposefully find your strengths and work on developing them.

In the end, any failures, disappointments and mistakes can be turned to your advantage by using it as a life experience.

Method 5. Playing sports and maintaining a healthy lifestyle

In the course of experiments conducted by European scientists, it was found that one of the easiest and most effective ways to increase self-esteem is to go in for sports, physical education or activities aimed at improving health and well-being.

A healthy body is a receptacle for a healthy spirit and right thoughts, and vice versa: it is difficult for a person who is heavy on his feet, with an untrained body, to make decisions and act independently.

Having started playing sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and treat himself more respectfully. At the same time, the increase in self-esteem does not depend on the results of training: even if the changes are minor, the process of training itself is important.

The more actively you train, the better you begin to relate to yourself.

Any physical activity (especially for a person working in an office) is an opportunity to gain confidence and love yourself. There is a completely scientific explanation for this phenomenon: during sports, a person intensively produces dopamines - neurotransmitters responsible for encouragement (in bypass they are sometimes called "hormones of joy").

Biochemical changes have a positive effect on the psyche and increase our self-esteem.

Method 6. Listening to affirmations

Affirmations are one of the most effective ways to reprogram your own mind. In psychology, affirmations are short verbal formulas that, when repeated many times, create a positive attitude in the human subconscious. In the future, this attitude contributes to a change in character traits and personality in the direction of improvement.

Affirmations are always formulated as a fait accompli, which makes a person take them for granted and think accordingly. If our subconscious considers us self-confident, successful and purposeful, then gradually we really become so.

Typical examples of self-esteem affirmations are: “I am the master of my life”, “I can have everything I want”, “I believe in myself, so everything comes to me freely and without effort.” These linguistic formulas can be repeated independently or listened to in the player: the main thing in this practice is regularity.

Read these phrases into the microphone, recording a track of several minutes from them and listen in your free time. This technology is recommended by Western psychologists and has proven to be highly effective.

Method 7. Keeping a diary of successes and achievements

A diary of your own victories and achievements will help raise self-esteem for teenagers, men and women.

Start such a diary right now and write down everything that you managed to achieve in a day (week, month). A success diary is a powerful stimulating tool that will make you believe in yourself and allow you to multiply your own efficiency.

Every day, write down any of your victories, even small ones.

All these "little things" are related to your personal successes, be sure to write them down in your success diary and read it regularly.

If you write down only 5 simple things a day, then in a month it will already be 150 of your achievements!

Not so little for one month, agree?!

In one of our articles, it was written that keeping a diary of success can be the first step towards this.

6. Dependence on public opinion - a factor that destroys the personality: we defeat self-doubt

Public opinion can ruin our lives if given too much importance.

Constructive criticism pointing out specific mistakes is useful and helps in development, but completely depending on the opinions of others is a big mistake.

Learn to value your own opinion and your own view of things, then the words of others will cease to be so important to you. If you, when performing any actions, think first of all about what people will say, how they will look at you, then you are unlikely to succeed in your endeavors.

Let public opinion depend on you, not you on it. Embody your own will and think less about the consequences.

How to become more confident - practical exercises

1. "Your own clown." Preparation: you dress ridiculously, for example, in curlers, a huge tie, funny clothes. Then go out, go shopping, generally act like it's your everyday look. Naturally, you will feel discomfort in this form. But at the same time, your psychological threshold for critical perception of you by others will decrease;
2. "Speaker for Life" Try to speak in public as often as possible. If at work the boss asks someone to prepare a presentation, organize an event or go on a business trip with an important report - take the initiative and take on these functions. If you have a fear of public speaking, then ways to overcome it have already been described in.

Both of these exercises involve getting out of your comfort zone. Our brain begins to think that this behavior is normal for us and these things no longer cause such stress as before. Remember, the best way to get rid of fear is to do what you are afraid of!

7. How to find yourself and learn how to manage your self-esteem - 5 important tips

And now 5 short tips for managing self-esteem:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others;
2. Stop scolding and criticizing yourself;
3. Hang out with positive people;
4. Do what you enjoy;
5. Take action, don't think about action!

Remember that you are a unique person with great potential and unlimited possibilities. Increasing self-esteem is one way to develop your abilities to the fullest.

8. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today

My self-assessment test consists of a few simple questions that you only need to answer "YES" or "NO". When you do this, count the number of positive and negative responses.

1. Do you often scold yourself for mistakes (yes / no);
2. Do you like to gossip with your girlfriends (friends) and discuss common acquaintances (yes/no);
3. You do not have clear goals and you do not plan your life (yes / no);
4. You are not involved in physical education and sports (yes / no);
5. Do you like to worry about trifles (yes / no);
6. Once in an unfamiliar company, you prefer to remain "in the shadows" (yes / no);
7. When meeting with the opposite sex, you cannot keep up the conversation (yes / no);
8. When you are criticized, does it make you depressed (yes/no);
9. You like to criticize people and often envy other people's success (yes / no);
10. It is easy to offend you with a careless word (yes / no).

The key to the self-assessment test:

Answers "Yes" from 1 to 3: congratulations, you have normal self-esteem.

Answers "Yes" - more than 3: you underestimated How to make money for a student on the Internet - 7 sure ways + a story from the life of a simple 14-year-old schoolgirl who earns 10,000 rubles / month. on writing texts

Often a problem arises in life - the 12 tips below will help you resolve this issue positively. As a rule, girls have low self-esteem due to the unfavorable conditions in which they grew up in childhood. However, some in the time of adolescence there is an overestimated self-esteem. However, with age, the question arises more and more sharply how to increase the self-esteem of a girl. This process is slow, but quite real. But the conscious desire to improve oneself is useful to everyone. So, below we offer 12 tips, resorting to which, you can easily solve the problem of how to increase a girl's self-esteem.

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. One way or another, you can always meet those who have something more than you or do something better, and it is unrealistic to surpass everyone.

2. Give up self-blame. It is impossible to increase self-esteem by constantly blaming yourself for something. Even in the smallest aspects of life, try to avoid negative statements about yourself.

3. Return a compliment with a compliment. Or at least thank others for the kind words addressed to you. If you modestly show down in response to a compliment, you send yourself the information that you are not at all worthy of such statements. Naturally, in this way it is impossible for a girl to increase her self-esteem.

4. Use affirmations(), as one of the effective ways to increase self-esteem. Write down positive affirmations that you are charming and attractive, that you accept yourself as worthy of happiness and love. Hang these pieces of paper in the places where they will most likely catch your eye. Repeat these statements to yourself more often and at the same time try to feel all the positive emotions that they cause.

5. Read literature, watch seminars that help boost self-esteem. All the information that our brain absorbs is reinterpreted by it and affects our behavior. The more positive the dominant information is, the more positive your thoughts and actions will be. Accordingly, avoid books and programs that cause negative emotions.

6. Create a positive environment around you. If there are people around you who provide support at any time, it will be easier for you. improve self-esteem. Negative people will, on the contrary, crush you and oppress you. Get rid of them.

7. Good can boost a girl's self-esteem list of personal achievements. From the smallest and most insignificant to the monumental. Refer to it more often, rereading and remembering those feelings and pleasant experiences of achieving your goals.

8. Also increase self-esteem a list of personal positive qualities helps. Make a list of at least 20 items and refer to it in the same way for positive memories and emotions. This will help you distract from your shortcomings and unpleasant experiences about it.

9. Give more to others. Not money, but warmth, care and love. When you give something to another, you feel your value, thereby becoming on the way to increase the girl's self-esteem.

10. Do what makes you happy. If you do something through force, feeling contempt for yourself, then it is difficult to talk about how to increase the self-esteem of a girl. Only when the activity brings pleasure can a girl blossom, feel her importance and value in this world. Therefore, if the main work is not a joy for you, you can do something exciting in your free time.

11. Live your life, do not try to keep up with other people's stereotypes, do not look for someone else's praise or approval for your actions. Only in this way can you remain true to yourself and maintain your self-esteem.

12. Don't sit still, act! After all, nothing will happen and will not happen if nothing is done. Received a challenge - accept it, make mistakes and act again. If you procrastinate or refuse to do something because of fear, you will only create unpleasant feelings in yourself that destroy your self-esteem.

And remember that you are personally unique, with great potential and opportunities. The higher your self-esteem, the more this potential is revealed. The more you do what you like and enjoy, the better you get at it. And this, in turn, brings peace of mind and joy in life. So if you don't already know how to boost a girl's self esteem- The 12 tips above will help you in this matter.