The girl treats me coldly. Why a girl is cold A girl is cold in communication

Hello, this is the story. I had a best friend, we were inseparable, we always shared experiences, joys. She knew everything about me and I also knew everything about her. Seeing each other has always been a sincere joy for us. She attracted me as a girl, but I did not go abroad because I did not want to lose a friend.

Well, once we went to a club and in a fit of dance we kissed, there wasn’t much dexterity because we were drunk. In the morning, everything was discussed and this topic came to naught. Nothing has changed in the relationship. Then we went to the cottage and it all happened again. And we decided to take a chance and try to date. Everything was going well getting to know each other on the other side. Then she left for work for three weeks, the feelings did not fade away. Sex was on top and very passionate she liked everything and me. As a friend, I told her that she would only tell the truth, even the most difficult. She told me that she does not have such vivid feelings for me, there is no explosion of a spark as it happens at the beginning of a relationship. Then she wanted to break off the relationship a couple of times, but I stood my ground and everything rose and went well. Before the very beginning of the relationship, we made a promise that even in the most fierce scenarios, we would all stay together. She began to insult me ​​often, send three letters to humiliate me, I swallowed it all, forgave me, she very often apologized to me. We lived together and I took care of her in excess, but she liked it. She often freaked out when I was often freaking out nearby. Then they finally broke up, but a week later she called and said if she could stay with me for a week, she stayed for two, everything seemed to be going well, but I saw that they were using me, but I swallowed it too. Every day, besyachki insults, apologies to the house, said what shit I was. Everything went fine after that. She went to work for a couple of days to get out of town and there she met a guy who she liked, she told me about it, but very veiled. And in the end, she left me, there was a conversation and I saw in the eyes that we would not remain friends or lovers. The whole world was shattered before our eyes, it was hard and even now it's not better. It hurt when a friend left you. Nothing happened with the guy. And about a month later we met and went to the club, it was fun to behave within the framework of a friend, but she still continued to rage. The fact that I went with our friend to smoke infuriated her, just the only person who smoked from the company. She was jealous and said that you are rolling wedges towards her, she notices the edges that this is our mutual friend and we would not be friendly to do what gestures, but my friend didn’t attract me, and even if she did, I would not do anything. She apologized to me and everything went well, communication was getting better. A week later, I invited her to the cinema, I just wanted to spend time with a person to make contact, the evening went well after we went to her place to sit wine and drink to talk, it all ended in sex and the initiative came from her "you are embarrassed to touch me" I offered her a massage she said "maybe more than a massage", the next day we went to a party and there was a big scandal, I found fault with every little thing, I behaved within the framework of a friend and she needed more attention than friendly, and after that she began to communicate with me very coldly as if the person didn't care about me. .

How can I get her back as a person as a friend? How to return communication?

I am 23 she is 26

Sorry it's so long, this is the first time I'm asking for help on the forum)

Inaccessible, although even before they met, she herself wanted a relationship

If a girl has not had a boyfriend for a long time, and then a good young man appears who would like a relationship with her, why does she immediately become an “inaccessible queen”. It's stupid, but a lot of people do it.

I have one friend, she didn't have a boyfriend for a long time, and then a good young man appeared. Her behavior changed dramatically. She immediately tried to load the young man with her problems and desires, immediately became inaccessible, although before that she complained about how bad it was to be alone. In short, she “raped” his brain, and at that he gladly hurried away from her.

But most importantly, this is the situation for many girls who are not so spoiled for attention?

Secret Oracle Answer:

Why did the girl become cold?

Well, about the appearance of a good guy, one thing can be said that in your opinion he can be good, and not only in yours, but many people would recognize the guy as good, but, in the eyes of that girl, the guy appeared as someone else according to her own understanding . And the fact that she began to explain her problems, and explain it, is most likely because she had been alone for a long time, and here the guy didn’t just decide to open up or deliberately complain, but simply spoke out, throwing out everything that had boiled out, from which her heart became lighter. But it’s easier, not easier, and the guy didn’t support her morally or didn’t behave in such a way that the girl apparently didn’t like something.

And then there is one more thing that needs to be taken into account, the girl herself may recognize the guy as “good”, but in her heart she is waiting and wants to meet her beloved. And those are two big differences. What then can be assumed that in the girl’s heart sounded something like this: “I don’t need a good one, I need a loved one”

Comments

Ivan Ivanov

I already explained in the comments to a person with the nickname Ksyushenka. It’s just that the man began to pretend to be touchy, in terms of not only that she didn’t like him at all. And she began to set conditions like “get me then I’ll be yours”, and why immediately tighten the screws if she herself was interested in this guy.

Well, you can’t build a whole picture on common individual phrases in order to determine the reason for the girl’s behavior without knowing her and not seeing, for example, at least in the photo. Here you can only presumably correctly build the behavior of that guy in response to the reaction of the girl - this is, first of all, complete calmness, and no attempts to “achieve” should be made. If the girl really liked the guy, then after a while of calm and “inactivity” of the guy (a week, maybe two), the girl herself will let him know that she wants to continue communication with him, or relationship.

The answer was given on the site "Big Question"

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Question to the psychologist:

Hello, I have a question. I met a girl for about a year, but then we had a break for a month or two, I'm at work, she's at work, etc., even the feeling is that I became indifferent to her. Then she invited me to move out, I found an apartment within two months and she was still waiting. As a result, when they moved out, she sits all day in her room and does not go out, I try to do something, but she has 0 emotions. She recently said something like "What kind of circus are you doing, we're just neighbors." So she was using me? Although she was normal. I don't understand why rent an apartment. When I ask if she's coming home today, she says something like "I don't know, maybe not." If I stay in the apartment - she does not come, as soon as I leave, she immediately arrives. In general, it seems to me that she has become somehow cold towards me, but I would like to know your opinion. Met somewhere for a year, with interruptions, because. I worked shifts. I am currently unemployed. As for the other person, she has no one, because. She goes work-home-work. Even if she doesn’t care about me, why does she consult me ​​about a dress when she bought it and showed me. In general, I do not understand anything at all, please help.

The psychologist Platonova Olga Valerievna answers the question.

Hello, Alexander!

Try to get into a conversation about your relationship with a girl.

What connected you before and what connects you now? Who are you for her? Maybe it’s convenient for a girl to rent an apartment together with you? Or maybe the cooling of feelings is caused by something specific (at least work: "work-home-work" exhausted me).

As for the talk - about the dress, etc. - even if a girl does not want a relationship (for example), this does not mean that she is not ready to talk (she is interested in your opinion).

In a relationship, what are you striving for? What do you want? Determine your personal guidelines in general and specifically with this girl.

Try to clarify what happened, why the girl became more distant. If the relationship is really not interesting - offer to disperse. If interested, she will tell you what could be done. For your part, offer something that would improve relationships, defuse the atmosphere (what does the girl like, what is she interested in?)

In any case, after talking, you will understand what is happening, how to be.

P.S. The girl has cooled down, what should I do? If she cooled off, then she was not cold, at the time of your acquaintance she was interested (was it interesting what?) - try to find out what exactly aroused her interest - this is one of the keys to her condition, behavior.

5 Rating 5.00 (1 Vote)

Assessing which category a particular case belongs to, it is necessary to try to look at the situation as soberly as possible: often young people waste time convincing themselves that the girl is cold because she does not see their courtship, is not attentive enough to them, does not guess about their feelings, does not perceive as a possible lover, etc.

The truth is, if a girl does not like a young man, she will not be with him. The exception is situations when, in addition to love relationships, a girl is kept in a relationship by some kind of interest: material, psychological, or other benefit. In terms of material interest, many have seen couples in which women, some of them very young girls, do not hide their desire for material well-being through relationships. An example of psychological interest is the fear of being alone. He is not as familiar to men as to the fairer sex - often a girl agrees to any relationship, just not to experience the sidelong glances of acquaintances and questions from relatives why she is still alone. Also, an example of the psychological aspect is a situation in which a girl, due to low self-esteem, does not allow the thought that she may be interested in someone who she really likes and “agrees” to the courtship of a young man who is nearby or whom she considers herself “to match”. This is perhaps the most humiliating option for both partners.

Cold girl

If a girl is cold, that is, she demonstrates constant indifference to signs of attention and initiatives young man, then, most likely, she does not experience any of the possible options for interest that would prompt her to at least notice the young man. In most cases, this is an absolutely hopeless situation - and if over time a young man can interest a girl in something, for example, having become rich or famous, then it is worth considering whether it is worth building a relationship with a girl who is able to see only her own benefit, and even that not looking at it the first time.

Holo bottom girl attitude

There are stories when girls, even being in relationships with young people, remain cold towards them. They may even love or feel feelings of affection, respect, friendly emotions for them, but remain not criminal - as if those parts of their hearts that should tremble, burn with passion - remain closed to these young people. Women have one feature that allows men to read them like an open book. If a woman loves a man, she will be completely focused on him. Women are much more emotional than men, and coupled with strong emotions, this leads to the fact that women completely devote themselves, their thoughts and emotions to the man they love. Women, more than men, are at the mercy of the heart and therefore their actions may seem ardent, emotional, frivolous, however, they can all indicate the presence of feelings. If a girl remains cold, then she does not experience the full range of feelings for a young man. And here it is important to understand - what exactly is this reason.

Why is the girl cold

A girl can be sensually closed, as she experiences past or even current loves inside. She may not be aware of what she wants. Already these examples are enough to understand what psychological aspect is inherent in this situation - it must be analyzed by a young man who seeks to win the girl's heart if she remains cold to him.

The main question is Is her heart occupied by someone else? If a girl is cold, but at the same time psychologically, morally and spiritually not attached to another man, then in this situation success to capture her heart is more likely than if she experiences some feelings inside herself, no matter reciprocal or unrequited. Drawing a picture on an empty canvas is more pleasant and easier for an artist than drawing what he wants on an already applied drawing. And this is exactly what a young man who is interested in a girl who has feelings for another has to do - he needs to fit himself into her picture so that over time his drawing will block everything else.

In a situation where a girl has feelings for another, a young man who wants to achieve her location, it is important to answer the question - Does he love her or is he just interested? If a young man is firm in his desire, then he will have to stock up on only one thing - patience. You can only vent past love from a girl’s heart by gradually showing and opening new horizons to her. Unfortunately, the chances, despite all efforts, are 50*50. You can’t command your heart, and years later, a girl can continue to love another, or, conversely, finally see the one who was waiting for her and believed in a joint future, every day hoping to see absolute reciprocity.

If a girl is cold, but at the same time her heart is free - by such behavior she demonstrates that she does not regard the young man as a possible partner. As you know, everything changes over time - in any situation there is a chance to emerge victorious and achieve your goal. Everything will depend only on the young man - how accurately he will determine the needs, analyze the psychology of the girl and build his behavior in accordance with the conclusions that he made. Of course, there are girls whose level of perception is at the level of wishes for appearance, material wealth and other superficial criteria, and you can influence them only by meeting some criteria, by having attributes. In other cases, there is an internal perception of a person, where much is decided not only by external characteristics, but also by deeper features, that is, there is a psychological impact. Having calculated the possible options, a young man can overcome the cold in a relationship, but he may have to make a lot of efforts, and in such a situation it is important that "the game is worth the candle."

You spend your time, attention on her, let her know that you care about her. You call and write every day. You give gifts, remember everything that she loves and likes. You change, you try to adapt to it - to please. And what in return? Indifference. Cold. Misunderstanding. Like a fish on ice! And do not quit - love. But such an attitude brings a lot of pain, I would like reciprocity. Why do girls act like this?!

Can't behave differently

Yes, it happens that girls are not as emotional as men. Or they simply do not know how to express their feelings and emotions. Don't expect everyone to have the same reaction to certain words and actions.. Especially from girls, you have no idea how strange we can be =) But in love it is in general! We often deliberately express indifference to those whom we sympathize with (yes, I am like that =)) Honestly, I don’t know what we want to achieve with this, but we always achieve one thing - boiling up your brain.

Able to behave differently

But for some reason he behaves just like that, cold and distant. Perhaps you offended her? It seems like he did everything for her and offended her? Or maybe she was offended precisely by the fact that you do everything for her? Yes, it happens like that =) It is better to discuss it with her and not the fact that she will tell you what the reason is. They say you are a man, figure it out for yourself, what is it that she lacks! Often in this way, girls try to manipulate - "keep on a leash." And often they (that is - us =)) succeed. And you, like a fool, are looking for what you did wrong and what is wrong with you!

I will charge - I will approve

No, gifts and other tinsel will not endear her to you. True, many people buy gifts for gifts, but this is not reciprocity. Of course, it is pleasant for you to load it, but the result is not long. Initially the wrong approach (I still borrow phrases from Neko =) always says: “Initially the wrong approach” =)) To the topic… Well, you can’t achieve reciprocity and warmth by trying to “buy” these feelings with gifts!

Secret

Here I will share a secret =) We are girls in general with madmen! Sometimes you just need to disappear for a day or two to wake us up. And then you see if it doesn’t come right away! So you disappeared and panic and an active search begin, otherwise you relaxed for something in general and forgot that there are so many hunters for strangers! Until you realize that you can lose, you do not begin to appreciate! Of course, from such a trick there will be tantrums and assaults, but in fact this is what you need to achieve =) Just do not do this "trick" too often and it is useful when your relationship is just developing, and not when you have a family (children) and you decide to show how proud and free you are. In general, sometimes it is useful to wake a girl from the “sleep of confidence” that you are not going anywhere. You know the expression: “The more we love a woman, the less she likes us”.

Luboff

Maybe she's so cold because she doesn't love you? Not so encouraging version, but it happens. If you love her that much, go after her. But flowers, attention and so on are not male “weapons”. Be strong, vigilant (in order to fight off strangers), persistent, confident, etc. “According to the list”, in general, show yourself not as a “henpecked” and “squishy”, but your masculine nature and strength of mind! After all, this is “From the world of animals”, they always choose a leader!

Good luck hunting!