How not to lose a guy at a distance. Love at a distance: reality or myth

27.07.2019

Text: Danila Maslov
Illustrations: Alexander Kotlyarov

Learn to compliment the handset

Do not be afraid to go too far with sentimental nonsense and even, let's not be afraid of this word, with lisping in telephone conversations. The fact is that in a normal conversation, a large part of your positive attitude towards the interlocutor is conveyed by facial expressions, glances, gestures and intonation. Telephone communication eats all this up, and therefore a person who speaks in his usual manner appears to be much colder and more distant than he really is. So feel free to give the green light to all the kitties, masiks and little pussies who dare to sneak into your speech. Most importantly, try not to be caught by friends and colleagues doing this. Another well-known management consultant, author of a manual on telephone etiquette, Alain Mackenzie, noted that it is advisable to fence off secretaries at the reception with a soundproof shield, since “exaggeratedly kind voices and expressions that competent operators use quite reasonably cause a feeling of falseness and irritation among other employees.”

Provide yourself with 24/7 free communication

If you buy a microphone and download a free program like Ventrilo or Teamspeak, you can stay in touch around the clock and almost for free, even if half the planet separates you. The effect of presence is amazing - there is a feeling that a person is in the same apartment with you. You can even more technologize the process by using a video camera. But still, it’s better to do without it: the feeling that you are constantly being watched is not so much touching as it is annoying.

Meet more often in neutral territories

She lives in Vladivostok - you are in Istanbul. Why not make an appointment in Helsinki next time? So none of you will grieve with secret thoughts on the topic “Yeah, he arrives when he wants, but let me sit, wait until he deigns to appear.” Or: “Is all this worth the endless winding back and forth, these damn planes, sleep deprivation and crazy money, if I don’t seem to be too happy here?” And in an unusual place for both of you, you will have equal playing conditions: no “hosts” and “guests”. On the contrary, you will not only be equalized, but also inexpressibly brought together by the joint struggle for survival in an attempt to find out how in Finnish it will be “a clean pillowcase one piece pliz-pliz-pliz”.

Try to understand her

The exoticism of tastes, language and appearance excites only at first. In the future, these charming dissimilarity (prayer at three in the morning, refusal to take off the sombrero even at night), on the contrary, discourage. Still, for reproduction, we try to select a partner of the same species with us ... If you want to continue your relationship with a charming foreigner - sob, but learn her language, no matter how many syllables the word "sex" consists of. Avoid constant opposition between "you" and "us" - let her understand that you, by and large, are the same guy as everyone else. Simply better.

« I'm the only girl I know who waited for a guy from the army. I wrote to him every day for two years. And she also kept a diary so that when he arrives, he could familiarize himself. And here is a completely alien uncle who non-stop engages in rather nasty sex with me and swears. Surviving the meeting turned out to be more difficult than separation. »

Don't expect too much from a meeting after a long break

Yes, if you are lucky, you will fall into each other's arms - and thousands of silver canaries will sing about the strength of your feelings. But canaries may not be in the voice - you should be prepared for this in advance. And it's not even that during your separation, she managed to cut her hair like Bob Dylan and put herself sapphire braces. Much more important is what you and she will smell with your nose. A person receives only 2% of information about the world around him from smell, but these 2% are decisive when it comes to intimacy (in this case, the word “intimate” means not only “sexy” - such tricks sometimes happen with this term). In order to feel incredibly your own this girl in a miniskirt, you need to properly sniff her after separation (and her to you, by the way, too). If the receptors are able to recognize familiar smells, you are in luck. If the receptors pose as sclerotics, it will be more difficult. The shorter the parting was, the more likely it was that the pheromone portrait of the partner was not written off as unnecessary, and after several days of painful memories, everything will go as before.

Get ready for more challenges

Passionate sex after a separation can also turn out to be quite dull, if it comes out at all. That is, it is not a fact that he will not be magnificent, but the chances of this are less than we would like. Firstly, and here vile receptors will fuss, who will not know how to classify the smell of the body lying next to them: it is clearly not drawn to a new unexpected passion, but the sweet moment of recognition also does not seem to happen. You need to take time out to think... Secondly, high expectations and a period of long abstinence (let's be idealists!) for both partners will play their role. To minimize the risk of a fiasco, it is best to maintain physical contact as closely as possible before you are in bed. Hand holding, hugging walks and other calf tenderness will come in handy here: they will weaken the barrier of detachment and help to cope with possible excessive excitement.

« For a little over a year, I had a terrific romance with a Swiss. Communicated with the help of international words and waving of hands. They met at least once a month - in all parts of the world, from Moscow to Morocco. And then I foolishly sat down to learn French and began to understand it. And all the fun is over. Because he was constantly carrying a blizzard ... »

Don't make her jealous

Jealousy often spoils happy unions, occasionally makes them even stronger, but when it comes to long-distance relationships, it turns into the purest pure poison. These relationships can only be built on absolute trust and absolute lies. Any hostage of a romance of a million kilometers is forced to take his partner's word for it, since he does not have the ability to control him. In such a hopeless situation, a person usually subconsciously takes measures of self-preservation, namely: he is filled with a deep and unshakable confidence that the distant beloved is a miracle of morality. This is the only justification for a languidly lonely life in eternal waiting mode. "I'm sitting by the window, I haven't gone anywhere, I'm still waiting for the appearance of his ship." And as a result, the liberties that can be quite allowed when communicating with a partner who is constantly nearby are completely unacceptable here. It's not worth telling how you dined with your ex, how "Miss Anapa" flirted with you and that you dropped into a strip club with foreign colleagues (boring things!). No, you can do all this, but God forbid telling such a wonderful truth to the heroine, who spent at least two of the last seven Fridays at home alone, rereading your letters (so-so entertainment, you yourself understand).

Jealousy, which cannot be appeased by control, turns into such exquisite torture that self-cooling mechanisms are activated. If partners in a long-distance relationship have doubts about the fidelity and true affection of the second partner, then such a relationship is almost certainly doomed.

It is better to meet one day a month than a week every six months

Psychologists have such a term - "mutual recognition - the ability of a person to enjoy the fact that he receives any information about another person, and the friendly attitude towards this person that arises as a result of the accumulation of such information." So, mutual recognition is a very long process that goes on throughout life. It builds a mother's love for her child, family and friendships. But in order for recognition to be successful, it must be more or less continuous. Nature made sure that we were able to forget what we love, and did it very hard.

A child of 5-6 months forgets his own mother in 3-4 weeks, a two-year-old remembers her for 2-3 months. The older we get, the more pauses in communication we are capable of without losing its quality. Nevertheless, we also have our own limits - each individual. Six months of separation is already close to the average critical mark. Usually, in six months, even spouses who have lived together for several decades internally come to terms with the departure or death of a partner.

« For two years I was the bride of a German musician, there was a terrible love. But I could not move to him permanently, I had to finish my studies here. In the end, he married his Christina, whom we always went to visit with him when I came. Because Christina - she is always here, and I am always there. I did not mind, I also already had Andrey »

« I left for London sobbing with love for my husband, but it would be terribly stupid to refuse free education. I cheated on him a week later - just brutalized from loneliness, from the fact that everyone around was strangers and, most importantly, from the fact that I missed my husband madly »

Don't turn your life into a waiting room

You can, of course, give up all the joys of life, build an altar at home from her underwear and photographs, honestly languish in separation and spend long nights looking at “your” star, which she, perhaps, also looked at now. But the harder you keep yourself in a state of languor, the sooner it will all be over. Your psyche is not iron: if it decides that you are terrorizing it too actively, it will take retaliatory action. And you yourself will not notice how the sight of your girlfriend’s tiny slippers, her name and the sound of her voice on the phone from sacred relics will suddenly turn into things that annoy you in an amazing way ... The thing is that we are ill-equipped for suffering, and the factors that make us worry beyond measure quickly move into the undesirable category.

« I had an affair with an extreme athlete who was leaving all the time. Now I think that it was necessary to drop everything and wander around the Tien Shan and Karakum with him - this would be the only way to save relations. They say that about the wives of sailors - they are so accustomed to this. In coastal cities, all local traditions are designed for women to live on their own, and men sometimes return to visit them. If you don’t consider this lifestyle normal from childhood, you will never get used to it. »

If it is possible not to have a relationship at a distance - do not have them.

And if this relationship is really dear to you, drop everything and go to her. Or grab the young lady in an armful and drag her to you. Work, home, friends - all this can be dealt with. Some went to America with one nail and a jar of strawberry jam in their pockets - and nothing, they became governors. Still, long-distance relationships are not at all for strong feelings, as for some reason it is commonly believed. Rather, on the contrary: they are much more pleasant and unpretentious with an almost complete absence of any feelings at all.

Bad reputation. I'm sure each of you will be able to remember a dozen such stories. And most certainly didn't end well. What else can long-distance relationships teach, besides the ability to live alone and fall asleep in a cold bed?

PHOTO Riccardo Tinelli

I'll start with myself. When I told my husband what I was writing about, he laughed nervously. We have been together for 9 years, of which 4.5 years we lived in different countries. First, our common Moscow, then my 3.5-year internship in England, then his work in Germany ... For the last year and a half we have been living together and almost never part. Finally, and hopefully forever. These were difficult years, but I am sure that it was they who helped two still very young people (we met at the age of 20) to maintain relationships at a distance, not to run away, not to break into life, which separated dozens of our familiar couples. Focusing on yourself, your studies, jobs and interests - was it hard? Yes. Have there been moments of despair? What more! However, it was a wonderful time in its own way, with random dates, unforeseen flights, letters, cards and packages, meetings in small towns, and falling asleep in front of an open Skype window. It would be a shame to condemn this relationship simply because the circumstances were not in our favor and we could not live together.

Subsequently, while undergoing psychotherapy, I realized that it was thanks to this experience that my husband and I felt quite early that any relationship is a big job, and not just a boundless feeling. Long-distance relationships cannot be left to chance. Every day, both people need to put something into their relationship: finding the time to connect, finding the right words of encouragement, adjusting schedules and schedules. That is why psychologists believe that relationships that have passed the test of distance, most likely, will withstand any trouble.

3.7% of the Russian population are in a long-distance relationship, in the US the figure is higher - 4.3%

Where do legs grow from?

Researchers from the American Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships (yes, imagine there is one!) Blame the economy and the Internet for the emergence of a huge number of separated lovers. The conclusion is, in general, obvious: the increasing mobility of the labor force does not have the best effect on the quality of personal life and makes a great contribution to the treasury of the long-distance relationship. Like numerous dating sites: every year, tens of thousands of people around the world find each other on the Internet, despite geography.

Students who for the sake of studying leave their first (or maybe second) great love and leave for other cities and countries are also at risk. The ease with which people move around the world and take on projects in different parts of the globe has led to the emergence of the phenomenon of distant marriage, or, as sociologists call it, the distant family. At the moment, in Russia, such families make up about 6% of the total number of married couples, and their number is only growing every year. The difference between such marriages and "traditional" ones is that the spouses do not live together (usually because of work), maintaining a tender romantic relationship and not intending to divorce.

Gossip and affection

A reasonable question: why do some couples can not stand separation, while others do not care? Is it possible to predict which couple will cope with long-distance relationships, and which will fall apart? According to psychologists Lee and Karol Pistol from the American University of Purdue, this is quite real. The fact is that our relationships with others are most influenced by the pattern of attachment that we formed in childhood, communicating with parents and family members.

People with the so-called secure attachment style are self-confident, they do not need confirmation of their own attractiveness and worth from other people, they are able to balance independence and closeness in relationships. Such people (I would even say, superhumans) are not afraid of loneliness, they are comfortable alone with themselves, and therefore their attitude towards a partner is unchanged, regardless of whether he is nearby or thousands of kilometers away.

If a person is characterized by an anxious or avoidant type of attachment, then far from loved ones it is terribly hard for him. Without constant approval and confirmation of love, such people wither and begin to go crazy. When a loved one is far away, "anxious" types head first into self-criticism, and then begin to look for flaws in a partner and relationships in general. They are as sensitive as possible to the difficulties that inevitably appear in a long-distance relationship, and the absence of a loved one for them is tantamount to losing themselves.

After conducting a study among 600 people who have had long-distance relationships, psychologists have calculated that those couples where at least one partner has a secure attachment hold the blow. But what if both of you are not yet wise enough and experienced enough to not worry and doubt at all? First of all, realize that from the moment you say goodbye at the airport and the silver-winged plane leaves only a shadow on the ground, you can no longer control anything. This is generally an addiction, for that matter, and in ordinary, traditional ways. But from a distance it is like death. Any attempt to control increases anxiety, excites an unhealthy fantasy, covers with a veil of doubts and fears. And as a result, you have less and less energy, time and attention for love - the only thing that helps to survive separation.

Your task is to establish a strong connection, and any doubt creates micro-breaks. How to avoid it? To be here and now, not in thoughts and dreams. Call each other, write to each other during the day (thankfully Viber, WhatsApp and iMessage allow you to do this for free), share everything that happens to you - both a chronicle of events and feelings. Also, gossip! Discussion of a third person, no matter how unethical it may sound, is very close. Calm your conscience: you are not hatching a malicious plan, but just sharpening your tongues. Psychological fact: sharing the latest gossip makes a relationship stronger. You seem to say to each other: “We are not like them” - and this acts as a sedative for the souls wounded by separation.

At first, it may seem to you that you have sacrificed yourself - to his studies or career. Or, on the contrary: that the victim is a beloved man, if you had to leave. Both are unconstructive and add unnecessary pathos to everyday conversations. You feel like a martyr, or, conversely, you struggle with guilt and, as a result, begin to talk exclusively about the sublime. Drop this silly business. Sharing feelings, cute little things, witty observations and sexy selfies - all this is the best way to support the fire of love and passion.

scent lost

Do you know what advice (after the standard “call up several times a day”) is most often given to beginners by experienced “remote people”? Leave things with each other so that they remind your loved ones of you. It is desirable that these things smell like you, your favorite scent. This little trick is not just a tribute to cute everyday tenderness. This behavior will approve of your body. Smell plays an important role in the formation of intimacy - not only sexual (oh, what a pity that the aroma is still impossible to transfer via Skype! ..), but also emotional. Having met after a long separation, you understand that you have a loved one in front of you, the meeting with whom you have been waiting for. But the body falls into a stupor and flatly refuses to recognize the wanderer: everything in it seems unusual and alien. As a result, instead of the expected hot sex, you internally cringe at every touch.

That is why psychologists recommend a good “sniff” to help a forgetful body recognize a loved one. The longer you haven't seen each other, the higher the chances that the "sclerosis" has gone too far. It is better to see each other every month on the weekend than to spend two weeks together every six months. Breaks longer than a month and a half make the "disease" progress rapidly.

160 km must separate lovers so that their relationship is recognized as distant

deep connection

TV producer Lesya is 29 years old, she lives in Italy, and her husband has been working in San Francisco for a year. “I’m terribly depressed by the lack of a daily routine,” says a friend, “some kind of boring regularity, scattered socks and uncovered toothpaste in the bathroom (I would never have thought that I would miss all this so much!). When I get sick, there is no one to call a doctor or cook soup. Or, it happens that a loved one has a hard day, and I can’t hug him. But I see how we differ for the better from those couples who spend all the time together. My husband and I chat for hours on Skype, share everything we have experienced with each other and quarrel less. To be honest, sometimes it seems to me that due to the distance we have become closer.

Absurd at first glance, Lesya's statement is confirmed by scientists at Cornell University. This year, they conducted a study and concluded that deep affection and a long-distance relationship go hand in hand. The fact is that distant couples value every minute of live communication more and are more willing to devote each other to the smallest aspects of daily life, which is often neglected by those who live under the same roof.

Must be clearly marked. A year, two, three, but at least ten - most importantly, a certain date, which you both focus on. Having a clear goal ahead, it is much easier to calculate forces. And there is something to answer curious friends and relatives. This is a well-known psychological trick: when people realize that they need to endure pain for exactly five minutes, they don’t hurt so much.

Set a deadline and don't forget about it. Make plans, do not hush up grievances and remember that there are no guarantees. Long distance relationships may or may not work. But they should definitely be given a chance.

The cleverest

Psychologists believe that educated people are more likely to keep love at a distance. The higher the IQ, the stronger the person is prone to reasoning and analytics and less likely to give in to emotions. This allows people with education to see the future in "remote" relationships.

Ocean is shaking

Traditionally, the number of long-distance romances increases after the summer holidays. Holiday romances develop into something more, but, alas, by November their number is reduced by at least a quarter.

Love and family

3206

27.09.13 16:36

There are many wonderful stories about how two people met online, being in different parts of the world, began to communicate, fell in love from the first messages and could no longer live without each other, so they broke all the barriers in their path and got married, of course, they lived for a long time and happily.

As a rule, these are more beautiful fairy tales, in reality they will meet at best and continue to communicate for another couple of years. However, in the life of most people there comes a time when they have to leave for different cities or countries for some time - study, promising work, business trips, family circumstances, or just looking for themselves.

In these situations, it is important not only to maintain feelings, but also to strengthen your union, because for lovers there is nothing sadder than distances.

Features of "remote" love

Each person decides for himself what love is for him, the main thing is that the couple have the same views on this issue, otherwise there is no point in maintaining a union that, in fact, does not exist.

There are two main types of such relationships: a married couple who, due to certain circumstances, are forced to live apart for a while, most often the reason is the work of one of the spouses, and lovers who have not yet married each other, for example, young people studying in different cities .

These factors also affect this situation, because each has its own characteristics. If in the first case there is already a fruit of mutual love - a family, an awareness of all the charms and difficulties of living together, then in the second it is still to be, but for now the feelings are idealized.

But in any case, distances do not bring much joy to lovers, and the more kilometers separate you, the longer you wait for a meeting, the more difficult ordinary everyday life becomes.

People who are accustomed to constantly seeing their partner, spending a lot of time together and very emotional, for whom it is important to see a person’s emotions, to catch the slightest changes in voice, experience a particular difficulty.

What to expect from a long distance relationship

First of all, you lose constant tactile contact with a person, because you cannot hug, kiss your loved one, even just see him whenever you want.

Communication via telephone and the Internet makes it impossible to capture the full range of emotions of the interlocutor, and since most of the information is transmitted through non-verbal communication, this can cause its own difficulties - misunderstanding, groundless insults.

Also, do not hope that Skype and SMS will replace real communication, you can call up all day, exchange thousands of messages 24 hours a day. Remember the reasons for your separation - this is a necessity that needs to be experienced.

Many believe that if a person is geographically far away, he is tempted to start a new life, because there is some kind of freedom, independence and lack of control. From here arises a feeling of jealousy, which only exacerbates everything.

The key to any relationship is trust. If you do not trust your chosen one, then you should first of all think about the sincerity of your feelings for him. The exception is when your doubts are justified and confirmed.

Distance can help you rediscover a person: learn his new traits, positive or negative qualities. For example, familiar things become something unusual, which irritated before, now causes tenderness, or, conversely, all illusions dissipate and you can finally see the true face.

All this further confirms that separation is a test for a couple, which will either pass the test of feelings by distance, or dot all the "i".

How to keep feelings

Parting- this is not a temporary pause in a relationship, not a moment when you can relax and forget about your soul mate, this is a time when you need to make every effort not only to maintain the union, but also to awaken new feelings.

Confidence is the foundation of any relationship. Trust your lover, and then he will trust you. If your soul mate has taken a serious step - separation from a loved one, then she is trying for your relationship, and accusing her of betrayal, controlling and arranging scenes of jealousy, you not only offend, but also push her away from you.

Try to compensate for the separation with communication - write SMS, send messages on the Internet, call, write letters. Try to pay more attention to each other.

If possible, replace the alarm clock with calls or SMS, wish you pleasant dreams, remember joyful moments, share new experiences, communicate on familiar topics, and resolve issues. Most importantly, do not bore anyone with this stream of messages, because everyone at least sometimes just wants to relax.

And if you want to say so much at this very moment, then write a letter, your beloved will be pleased to receive such a rare message today, and he will be able to reread it at any time.

Set dates and meetings with each other on certain days, arranging video conferences, it will not be superfluous for them to dress up and clean up. Cook dinner together, watch movies, in general, do something together, chatting on Skype, creating the effect of being nearby.

Talk about the future, build joint plans. Uncertainty is detrimental to relationships, especially if you are sure of your feelings. Therefore, do not build castles in the air, discuss your actions when you are constantly together and nearby. In addition, real plans are a strong motive to make life together better.

Discuss relationships. Share your worries and doubts, ask questions that matter to you, talk about the dynamics of your relationship. At a distance, the feeling of loneliness intensifies, even if you give a person gifts, so confess your love, say how dear and necessary you are. Both of you need support and understanding.

Make surprises for each other, indulge, distance is no reason to abandon the usual joys of life. Send gifts, flowers, write songs and poems with declarations of love.

Today, there are many options for how you can express your feelings. Contact an event agency or come up with something yourself, the main thing is to show your care and attention.

Any relationship- this is work, relationships at a distance - work with many obstacles. Everyone chooses which path to choose, but if the couple is ready to go for it, endure and overcome everything, then you can be sure that this union will be the strongest, and the feelings the most sincere.

It is important to just always be together in spirit, support each other, appreciate and trust, but do not forget about the pleasant little things that will only warm up your feelings.

If during a long separation a person realized that he was very bored and wants to maintain the same passion in a relationship, then you need to follow simple recommendations. We must try to communicate more and more. Discuss each other's daily concerns. You can try to do something together: watch an interesting movie or TV program and discuss what you see. Do not be shy about talking about your feelings and experiences.

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An important condition for maintaining a relationship is complete trust in the partner. Do not try to control his every step, this will harm the relationship.

Features of relationships at a distance

The reason for a long separation can be various circumstances: studying abroad, a new position at work in another city or country, military service, urgent matters related to the health of one of the relatives, and others. It should be borne in mind that long-distance relationships are different from the usual relationship of a couple in love.

As experience shows, the main difficulty is the lack of tactile contact. If in ordinary life a girl shows her feelings with kisses, gentle touches to a young man, then at a distance this can only be done with the help of the timbre of her voice, intonation, words.

Communication through the phone, the Internet limits the transfer of their feelings in non-verbal ways. "Smilies" and punctuation marks cannot convey what, one can say with a glance, gesture, facial expression, body movement, one cannot see the reaction of a loved one to the girl's words. This contributes to the distance of lovers.

At a distance, the feeling of distrust intensifies, since it becomes almost impossible to control a partner.

But this should not be done, since a person cannot constantly sit on Skype and chat with a girl. A loved one should have personal space. He needs to meet friends, communicate with colleagues.

In a long separation and distance from each other, those qualities of character that were not previously noticeable in a partner can manifest themselves. These are both positive and negative features.

How to communicate with a man so that he always has an interest

How to support love?

Long-distance relationships can both strengthen the feelings and passion between lovers, and become the reason for parting. To build long-term strong relationships, we must learn to overcome life's difficulties and hardships together. Keeping feelings in a situation where you do not see your lover is not easy, but quite real. Simple tips and tricks will help in this situation:

1. It is impossible to build a relationship without complete confidence in your partner. If you constantly control a man, try to convict him of treason, then this will only aggravate an already difficult situation. If a man stopped writing, then this is not a reason to suspect him of something. Unreasonable jealousy can lead to betrayal.
2. You need to communicate with a man when you really want to talk. Don't do it just because you have to. This is what hurts the relationship. Nothing bad will happen if a young man spends one evening with friends.
3. Intimate life is extremely important for strong relationships. A long separation deprives this opportunity. But a girl needs to support the sexual interest of a man in every possible way. It is necessary to make a man think only about his beloved and want to return to her as soon as possible.
4. Even when apart, it is necessary to build relationships in the same way as in ordinary life, maintain a common life, discuss the events of the past day with your boyfriend.
5. Communication with your loved one should be easy and enjoyable. To do this, you can ask him for advice or ask for help. The psychology of men is such that it is important for them to feel needed. But do not ask for something that he cannot fulfill at a distance.
6. To diversify relations with a partner, joint plans and prospects should be built. This unites a couple in love and helps to survive temporary difficulties. To begin with, you can discuss how the young man and the girl want to spend the day of the future meeting.
7. Do not be shy to talk about your thoughts, feelings, desires. The lack of such frank conversations becomes the main cause of misunderstanding in relationships.
8. Romance will help save feelings. You can make some kind of pleasant surprise even at a distance. For example, write a poem, sing a song on Skype, draw a beautiful picture, then scan it and send it to your loved one.
9. Respect each other's personal space. You have to be careful with surprises. If a girl decides to unexpectedly come to her beloved, then you need to be sure that he is not busy and will be able to pay attention to her.

Difficulties can occur at any moment. In order to survive them, one should learn to cope with them together, even at a distance. Otherwise, the relationship will be doomed to failure.

I'll tell you right away, as it is. I don’t believe in relationships of the format “and started at a distance, and also last”. No, of course, I am aware and even had the good fortune to observe situations when, for example, he is from Argentina, she is from Samara, they met somewhere on the Web, they communicate for the third year in a row in all available ways, except for the most natural - face to face, and rest assured that they have Relationships. But in the happy ending of this story and the realness of the feelings connecting them, alas and ah, I do not believe. As they say, such novels are more likely to be composed than to actually happen. So now let's talk about something else. Namely, I propose to talk about couples who loved each other and communicated, as they say, in person, and then by the will of fate / bosses / relatives, etc. they were temporarily separated on opposite sides of the horizon.

To tell the truth, among my acquaintances there were enough those who could not stand apart even for several months. Enough - read, most. However, there are also positive examples. Therefore, for a while, I will pretend to be an idealist and share 6 ways that will help keep relationships at a distance.

1. Communicate as often and as varied as possible

Fortunately, we do not live in the Mesozoic era, and humanity already has such wonderful things at its disposal as a telephone, Skype, all kinds of instant messengers, chats ... So use their potential to the fullest! Yes, it’s possible that a guy who writes ten SMS to his beloved in the morning, having come to work, knocks on Skype and gmail chat at the same time, and calls and hangs on the phone for an hour on the way home, can be mistaken for henpecked. But if we are talking about a couple that is separated by thousands of kilometers - fuck who thinks and says what! You must remain the closest people to each other, no matter what it costs (just don’t even think about complaining about kilometer bills for cellular communications! Even the most proven fighting girlfriend can not endure such redneck).

2. Do things together

And now I’m not only talking about phone sex (although without it, long-distance relationships are like the Mad Man series without Christina Hendricks). Nothing, for example, prevents you from calling your friend when you are riding a bike in the park and telling her as you go how many grandmothers you have safely knocked down and how many dogs have traveled around. Or in real time and, without taking your ear off the phone, choose a tie in the store to match your underpants. Or synchronously watch the same movie, commenting on what they saw on Skype. Yes, perhaps all this smacks of cheap melodrama, but where would we be without it? Your task is to create the effect of presence in each other's lives with all your might.

3. Respond with understanding to possible misunderstandings

And it can hardly be avoided. And more often, of course, women sin with such things - for example, they see offensive overtones in an absolutely harmless SMS, pout their lips and then do not go on Skype for days. And instead of calling the girl a “hysterical girl”, ignoring in response or naively believing that it’s not about you, but about the next PMS, you need to understand and accept it as a fact (albeit not very pleasant, but no less real) : men and women perceive information differently.

For you boys, what matters is WHAT is said. For us, it's HOW it's done, ie. intonation, facial expressions and other artistic techniques. That is why we regularly see something utter and blatant in words that you originally thought of as neutral. Hence the conclusion, even a few. First, when communicating in writing, do not neglect emoticons (no matter how gay it may seem to you). Secondly, be vigilant for any manifestations of disconnect. Responds to something completely off topic, but clearly unkind? Or is it completely silent? Urgently call back and clarify if the tongue-tied kukusik offended his delicately feeling little baby by chance? Thirdly, carefully work on the wording - it’s better to re-read twice what you plan to send to the girl than to explain later for five hours long distance that you, in general, didn’t mean it at all.

4. Don't "follow" the internet

Most normal - ie. communicating mainly in real, and not in virtual space - couples have some immunity against, let's say, unauthorized behavior of a partner on the Web. Well, let's say you couldn't resist liking a bikini photo of your work colleague. So what? In the evening you will meet with a gelfriend, she will friendly (well, or not very) tease you on the topic of “that clubfoot heifer overdoing self-tanning”, you will make a bewildered muzzle of your face - and that’s it, the conflict is settled, even without having time to flare up. Another thing is when you do not have the opportunity to communicate, as they say, live. Suspicions pile up one on top of the other, doubts accumulate, insults multiply, - and now, the girl is already sure that you are shamelessly walking away from her, and you don’t even bother to hide it.

Remember, like "A Star Called the Sun": when Wirth is all you have at the moment, you have no moral right to throw firewood on the fire of a girl's paranoia. And since you can't be 100% sure that she'll be lazy or bored looking at your chat history/tracking likes, etc., it's wiser to just not leave evidence that can be interpreted against you. And you can praise a colleague's tan without resorting to Facebook.

5. Surprise and give gifts

In this matter, of course, some financial resource and romantic enthusiasm are needed, but I assure you, the efforts will pay off in full. Ordering a bouquet of flowers for her to work, being far away, is not such a tricky task (it’s enough to google a florist shop with a delivery service operating in the girl’s city of residence). Not to be ignored when she, flipping through her favorite magazine, will admire the “ugly dress with geese and anchors”, finding that very magazine, finding that very dress and sending it to a girl via DHL is difficult, but possible. * In short, turn on your imagination and be ready to lighten your credit card a little. Actions of this caliber are charged by women in a very special way.

* By the way, the episode with the dress is a real case from the history of my good friends, who had to live in different cities for more than a year. According to the confidential opinions of the female side, this blatantly romantic act of the boyfriend made her immune to the courtship of some stray handsome man who persistently circled around her, wanting to take advantage of the situation and the forced loneliness of the girl.

6. Take Every Opportunity To See You

Rumors that women love primarily with their ears are greatly exaggerated. So yes, you'll have to poke around. Scheduled visits. Spontaneous breakdowns to each other literally for a day. Meetings on neutral ground somewhere in the middle. Endless train stations, airports and waiting rooms. There is no way to do without it.

Not? Can you take it easy? Then it seems to be a completely different story.

Well, guys, does anyone besides me here think that long distance relationships are not always doomed? Have you been in similar situations? And how were they saved?