Very often a new mother starts. What do new moms dream about? About getting attention to her too

20.09.2019

After the birth of a child, life changes dramatically, as does the woman herself. Sometimes a new mother suddenly becomes a different person. Previously active and self-confident, she turns into a mother hen who cannot leave the baby even for a second and chats all the time about how he slept, how he ate, what successes he had. Some suddenly become truly "abnormal moms" who are ready to wipe the whole world with antibacterial wipes, just to protect their child from invisible bacteria. If you notice the characteristic signs of an anxious mother in yourself, gather your will into a fist and find time for yourself, and let your grandmother, husband, aunt or nanny sit with the child. Read about how to spot an anxious mom.

No. 1. You only live for the sake of the child

You devote all your time to the child, 24 hours a day, care for and cherish him, giving him all of yourself. If you have to leave, you think about the baby every second. You are worried whether everything is fine with him, whether they fed him, changed his clothes, and suddenly he fell ill or someone offended him ... For peace of mind, you need to be with the child around the clock.

No. 2. Do you want to be the perfect mom in the eyes of others?

You need others to appreciate how much you do for the baby, how well you take care of him. Even better, if the approval is given publicly for everyone to hear. If someone says, “You made a great mom,” you break into a satisfied smile, you blossom.

No. 3. you forgot about your feelings

You stopped paying attention to your condition and your feelings. You take care of the baby 24 hours a day and do not rest at all. You are irritated, depressed, you have chronic fatigue and lack of sleep, but all this is no longer important for you - the main thing is that the baby is well - "What's the difference, the main thing is that the child is well." Yes, in the first year of a child's life, this is justified, and then sometimes you need to take a break in order to restore strength and simply get enough sleep. When the baby grows up, it's time for the mother to gradually return to normal life, in which there are other things to do.

No. 4. Are you afraid to do something wrong

You are afraid of the mere thought that you will make some mistake in your care and upbringing or miss a sign of an incipient illness. You are very afraid of doing something wrong. Therefore, you regularly consult with doctors, specialists, study thematic sites, communicate on forums with other mothers. You constantly have a lot of questions regarding the upbringing of the baby and his health.

Moms take note!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me, but I’ll write about it))) But I have nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too ...

No. 5. Do you feel guilty about shopping for yourself?

You literally become ashamed when you buy something for yourself, even if it is a necessary thing. Every time in such cases, you think that it would be better to buy another hundredth toy for your little one. And it doesn't matter that they have nowhere to put them.

No. 6. You sacrifice everything for a child

It seems to you that it is unacceptable to leave a crumb alone with his dad or grandmother, because this is almost a betrayal. Therefore, you do not go anywhere, except for walks with the baby. For the sake of your little one, you forgot about your hobbies, about meeting friends, although no one demanded such sacrifices from you. You no longer remember when you were sitting in a beauty salon or choosing a new handbag for yourself in a store, but you are a regular customer at sales in children's stores.

No. 7. Maternal debt is above all for you

Since you had a child, the expressions “I don’t want”, “I’m tired”, “I can’t take it anymore” no longer exist for you. "Mom must!" - now this is your motto for life.

No. 8. Children are your only topic of conversation

You constantly talk about children, so friends and relatives begin to evade communication. Because of this, you are very hurt, but not everyone is interested in listening to stories about diapers and childhood illnesses for hours.

Everyone knows how hard it is for a new mother at first, but it’s hard for every woman in her own way. The first month and a half after the birth of my daughter, I was just on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The state of depression and tearfulness did not leave me. I lashed out at everyone and everything, I was aggressive, quick-tempered, nervous. And even if I tried to restrain myself, nothing worked.

My ugly behavior was nothing more than a manifestation of the notorious. Before giving birth, I, of course, read about her. But I did not expect at all that this, it turns out, is such an insidious state that I will NOT be able to control.

It's actually called "postpartum sadness syndrome" or "short-term depressive episodes" that most women experience and last for several weeks. "Postpartum depression" is a much more serious condition that requires a course of psychotherapy. It lasts from six months to a year and is characterized by despondency, insomnia, loss of interest in the child and the world around, feelings of guilt, fatigue, irritation, a tendency to tears, tantrums, loss of appetite, headaches. In such cases, professional help is indispensable.

I felt relief only after a month and a half. It came on suddenly. As if someone snapped their fingers and - time! — everything has changed in an instant. The daily routine improved, colic and crying for no reason disappeared. It was as if I had entered the right track, found our common rhythm with Dasha. We understood each other, a deep connection was established between us. But most importantly, my nervousness and fuss gradually faded away: I no longer felt like a stretched string. I was again able to control my behavior, my emotions, and began to notice more and more reasons for joy around.

In general, one and a half to two months after childbirth (that is, the first six to eight weeks) is the very period that is allotted by nature to restore all the functions of the female body, stabilize lactation and morale. All these six to eight weeks, mother and baby get used not only to a new life, but also to each other, learn mutual understanding. This difficult time of "grinding in" simply cannot but be!..

Symptoms of "postpartum sadness"

severe nervousness, feelings of anxiety, fear, outbursts of irritation, anger;
capriciousness, "wet eyes";
detachment, alienation from the child, his crying leads to a frenzy;
a feeling of inferiority, incompetence, dissatisfaction with oneself ("I'm a bad mother!"), aggravated by a sense of guilt in front of the baby;
an acute sense of helplessness, loneliness in the face of serious difficulties, a feeling that no one wants to understand and help.

Causes

physiological (sharp hormonal changes in the body, overstrain, lack of sleep and fatigue);
psychological (associated with the difficulty of entering a new role as a mother): "postpartum sadness" is a reaction to the final loss of one's own childhood.

What do relatives need to know?

The strange behavior of a young mother is not a whim and not whims. Man is bad! No need to appeal to her maternal feelings, conscience, reason and willpower (your calls will only make it worse). She is not nice to herself, but she cannot "pull herself together." Now she does not need notations, persuasion and empty advice. She needs warm words of support, attention and REAL help (buy groceries, cook food, clean the apartment, take a walk with the baby).

Show that you love her. Show her so that she can feel it.

What does a mother need to know?

If you do not wind yourself up and do not cultivate a sense of guilt, everything will pass soon. You just have to wait a bit - after 6-8 weeks the body and mental state will return to normal. Do not fight with yourself, you have the right to any emotions. Accept them, acknowledge them and pour them out. Share experiences with loved ones, talk about how you feel, this will help them understand you. Ask (!) for help and support.

Do not think that you are somehow "not like that", that you do not correspond to the image of an ideal mother (ideal mothers do not exist). You are a wonderful mom. Know: the closer you are to the baby, the faster the "postpartum sadness" will pass. It is in interaction with a little man who has just come into our world that you will get used to your new role and find a new you.

My friend's story

Olya bore her boy very carefully. Followed all the recommendations of the doctor, looked after herself. The only thing that seriously bothered her friend was kidney disease (pyelonephritis). Because of him, Olya had to spend more than one week in the infectious diseases department of the chosen one. It was there that she found the onset of childbirth.

childbirth went perfectly: unexpectedly quickly and even, one might say, fun. But after a joyful event, to everyone's amazement, Olya felt bad. The level of hemoglobin in the blood dropped sharply, weakness overcame. A friend could only exist in a horizontal position. All attempts to get up were given with great difficulty. I contracted very painfully, my head was buzzing, I had no strength for anything.

Olya's morale was no better. She was ... afraid of her son Maksik. When a child was brought to her from the children's department, she automatically tried to feed him and could not wait until they would take him back. If the baby in the short moments of their communication began to cry, the girlfriend was numb with horror. She didn't know how to calm him down, she was nervous.

It was this - weak, broken, demoralized - Olya returned home. On the way, panic seized her. She realized how calm and easy it was in the hospital. And how scary and difficult it will be at home, alone with a small lump, for which she really does not know how to care for. The car wasn't just taking her home, it was taking her to another life. And Olya did not leave the feeling that she was recently born and starts life from scratch.

The future did not bode well. The new mother could hardly move her legs. But the worst thing was that to her son, whose appearance she was waiting for with such rapture, Olya She felt NOTHING. No love, no tenderness. She did not want to take him in her arms again, stroke him, press him to her heart, kiss him. There was an emptiness in my soul.

A friend existed "on the machine": she looked after Maksik, fed him on demand, followed a diet. But she did it purely mechanically. No inner impulse, no desire. At first, she did not even call her son by name.

A friend herself could not understand how this could happen to her? She never skimped on emotions, feelings always overwhelmed her. I have never met a more sincere person than Olya. She lives with her heart, but after the birth of her son Olino, her heart seemed to turn to stone.

Only a month after the birth, Olya gradually began to come to her senses. And in her case, “recovering yourself” should be understood literally: that is, returning to your former “I”, again experiencing the whole gamut of human feelings, rejoicing, experiencing and ... loving. Loving your long-awaited son.

What can interfere with the manifestation of maternal feelings?

Sometimes feelings for a child do not arise immediately. There are a number of reasons for this, and not always only hormonal. Here are the most common ones.

Due to the birth of a child, important life plans that the mother had special hopes for were not realized (for example, she was forced to interrupt a promising sports career in which so much effort and money had been invested), so the baby is perceived as an obstacle to the desired goal. More broadly, a child can be perceived as a hindrance in life in general (he interferes with sleep, socializing with friends and building a career).
The born baby is not at all like the angel that his mother imagined in her dreams: he is clumsy and ugly, it is not clear what he requires, it is impossible to establish contact with him. It's not at all what she was expecting...

Hence the conclusion: it is not necessary to draw in the imagination a specific image of the unborn child. A living baby - at least at first - will definitely not fit into it.

and childbirth was very difficult, and the child in this case involuntarily becomes a source of excruciating suffering. Cleansing with joy does not occur, pain is not forgotten, feelings for the baby do not come.
The baby is very similar to a person who causes strong negative emotions in the mother (the deceased father of the child, the "beloved" mother-in-law), and the negative, "intended" for a completely different person, is transferred to the child.
Mismatch of temperaments and other personal characteristics of mother and baby (a mother with a weak nervous system is an excitable child: he screams loudly and requires a lot of attention, and mother feels bad from constant noise, she is not able to be in contact with her child, feel and enjoy him) .
In the parental family where my mother grew up, there were no close, cordial relationships, and this was perceived as the norm. Mom did not absorb the feelings of love and warmth and now she cannot "transmit" them to her child.

Where does maternal instinct come from?

It is still customary for us to talk about the "maternal instinct", that it is inherent in each of us. But human feelings are not programmed into us, no. Giving birth to a child does not mean immediately falling in love with him. Becoming a mother does not mean immediately feel it. These feelings acquired: through close communication, common experiences, joys and trials. "Maternal instinct" is not a light bulb: lit and shining. You have to grow it in yourself. Like a delicate flower.

Therefore, if now you do not feel love for your own baby, do not blame yourself. Yes, in our society, love for a child is, as it were, the duty of a modern parent, and one who has the misfortune of not loving his cub is perceived as a mentally handicapped person. But guilt will not bring you closer to the child, it will only prevent warm feelings from opening up, since most often it only strengthens the rejection of the person before whom we consider ourselves guilty.

Know: everything will be - and the acceptance of the baby, and the awareness of your new status, and the joy of motherhood. What can I do to make it come faster? cuddle baby to yourself, to kiss (even if you don’t feel like it yet), pet him constantly, talk to him, sing songs, carry him in your arms (in a sling), be sure to breastfeed. And let the whole world wait.

How to get rid of "postpartum sadness":

sleep more(in a dream, the psyche is restored) - go to bed whenever the baby is sleeping;
maintain a daily routine(get up at the same time, be sure to have breakfast and generally eat well);
to take care, do not overexert;
change environment more often(go shopping, visit, go on a picnic - all this with a child);
sing: singing relaxes and soothes;
be with your husband more- walk together (the baby is also with you - in a sling), talk about what's on your mind, or just silently sit together, embracing;
do not beat yourself up for negative emotions(if they are, then it is needed for something);
dance, exercise;
take a moment to clean up to be beautiful and well-groomed.

Discussion

my husband helped me a lot, love him

After giving birth, I feel moral exhaustion and depression, I hope your advice will help me.

Yes, my wife was so depressed after giving birth. I didn’t know where to go, so my brain endured)) It’s good that everything changes with time, now everything is wonderful!

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Motherhood is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Against the backdrop of stress and tension during the recovery process after pregnancy, the woman also has the responsibility of caring for the child and family. Every new mother should take care not only of the child, but also of herself.

Read these 7 very important tips for every woman who has become a mother for the first time!

If your child seems unhappy to you, contact your doctor immediately

Newborns often suffer from jaundice. Jaundice needs to be treated as quickly as possible so that it does not leave its mark on the fragile nervous system of the baby.

Even fathers suffer from postpartum depression

Studies show that one in ten fathers suffer from postpartum depression. This can affect the development of the child even more than maternal depression. This means that you have to take care of one more member of your family.

Do not worry!

There are many wonderful things that happen after pregnancy.

If your baby is still drinking breast milk a year after birth, then it's time to stop.

Undoubtedly, breastfeeding is very important for the growing body of the child, but mother's milk contains little vitamin D. Sunlight prevents the child from becoming deficient in this vitamin.

For mom, there is no such thing as solitude!

Your baby will not allow you to remain alone even for personal needs. People will come to you for advice about pregnancy, and you will answer them all night long.

Your tummy will remain bulging even after pregnancy

It will take you at least a few months to get your body back into its normal shape.

Just relax!

Your tummy will go away after 3-4 months.

You can drink as much coffee as you like

The great news is that caffeine is not passed on to your baby through breastfeeding. You can drink up to 3-5 cups of coffee per day.

Don't panic when you see your baby's wet diaper.

You must change your diaper now. However, a wet diaper will not harm the baby's skin. So nothing bad will happen if you change it a little later.

You need to learn how to properly put on a diaper!

Step by step, learn how to put a diaper on your baby.

Share these important tips with all the moms you know!

Behind - fears and expectation, on the hands - an elegant envelope in which your heir quietly snuffles. You have become a mother for the first time and you are tormented by endless questions regarding breastfeeding. So, here are 15 practical tips from a mother who successfully raised her first child.

"Milk, where are you?"

The child clings to the breast with a regularity of 15 minutes and often cries. First thought: “Not enough milk!” Immediately, the caring grandmother authoritatively declares: “The child is hungry, quickly boil the mixture for him and feed him!” Don't give in! It has been proven that 97% of women are able to breastfeed a child. Your determination is of key importance, as well as your understanding of the lactation process: the more you suck on a nursing breast, the more milk will be produced.

Avoid stagnation of milk, drafts, cracked nipples - breasts are very vulnerable!
Feed your baby on demand. Let him suck. Also, do not skip feedings at night, because the production of milk is much higher, and, therefore, stronger.
If the thought that there is not enough milk is tormenting, then shortly before feeding, drink a cup of warm liquid, for example, lactogenic tea. This will stimulate the flow of milk. A warm shower also helps.
Breast change every one and a half to two hours. The one that the baby sucked should be emptied as much as possible, and the other should be filled. In addition, this way you will allow the child to properly suck out the "hind", the most high-calorie milk. It begins to move away after 20 minutes of active sucking.
Try not to pump unnecessarily. Do not wait for the breast to burst from milk - offer it to your child more often. Even an expensive breast pump can't compare to your baby!
As a rule, the process of lactation is “tuned” by three months.
The main criterion for the amount of milk you produce is the baby's weight gain.
If you have difficulty feeding, look for.
The diet of nursing food practically does not affect.

“It hurts to feed, what about the breast?”

The baby is tormenting the chest, and you are dying of pain? This is the norm, the pain will pass in a couple of weeks, when the nipple becomes rough.

The main thing is to fix it right away: when sucking, the areola surrounding it is also necessarily captured along with the nipple. First, help the baby with your hand.
When you want to take the breast, use your finger to insert it into the baby's mouth and pull out the nipple.
Properly care for the mammary glands: you should not rub them with soap twenty times a day! This dries the skin, and now it needs maximum hydration!
Between applications, regularly lubricate the nipples and areolas with your own milk, organize air baths for exhausted nipples. Use a lanolin-based ointment that is not washed off before feeding (this should be indicated in the instructions).
Recommendations on how to lubricate the chest with brilliant green are very outdated! Look for up-to-date information.
Try not to let

Being a mother for the first time means being able to correctly transfer all theoretical experience into practical. Don't be afraid to take responsibility and listen to your intuition. However, the latter can be called maternal instinct. But mothers have their own dreams - "mother's". If earlier I wanted to spend Saturday on the roof of my favorite restaurant, with a glass of prosecco and for my husband to please with a huge bouquet of flowers, and then offered a tour of the city at night until the morning, now ... dreams are a little different ... We'll talk about them

About the night babysitter

Have you watched the movie "Tally starring Charlize Theron. The film is about being a mother of three. The main character was forced to turn to the services of a night nanny who looked after the newborn at night, brought him to night feedings and made life easier in every possible way. However, the genre of the film is a thriller, so not everything went smoothly, but we keep the intrigue. So, it would be nice if the service of night nannies existed. Not like in the movie, but in reality. However, such a nanny can be a husband on the weekends or a grandmother on weekdays.

About tolerance

...from friends, acquaintances, relatives. Sometimes it seems that people around are divided into two categories: those who do not have children, so their questions are purely “interested”, and those who went through this for a long time and forgot a little about the state and feelings that they had to experience. A newly-made mother dreams of tolerance, so you need to think a hundred times, and then just ask. This also applies to your closest friend.

In general, there are TOP 5 taboo questions:

“Did you want a child, were you planning?” The question is intimate enough and should remain in the bedroom between two people.
“Tell me about childbirth, how did it go, did it hurt?” He will tell, but not now, let a month or a year pass.
“You look like this, is it very difficult for you?” Every morning, a newly-made mother sees her “look” in the mirror, if, of course, she has time to look into it, so it’s definitely not worth hitting self-esteem once again.
"Husband helps you?" This can be another "sore" topic for a new mom. I don't want to tell you how life works. However, it is better not to ask, but simply to help.
“When do you plan to start returning to pre-pregnancy forms?” Given the physiology, a woman who has given birth naturally is not recommended to exercise within 2 months after childbirth. However, situations are different. Topics of weight, shape and stretch marks are taboo!

About help, but not to ask for it

A newly-made mother wants not to be asked, but noticed and helped. It's nice not to have to talk. So that a friend doesn’t buy a huge chocolate cake, which a newly-made breast-feeding mother can’t, but drove into a supermarket and bought the set of products that she could, and then silently cooked steamed meatballs. A newly-made mother will definitely not refuse such help. Or, for the mother-in-law to sit with the child while the mother tidies up in the bathroom, but not in 3 minutes, as usual, but in as much as 15. And the husband, to suggest that they stick to a diet together while breastfeeding. A small, but such a significant help is what a woman dreams of becoming a mother. Support is priceless!

About getting attention to her too

If during pregnancy everyone was interested in the well-being of a woman, then after childbirth everyone is only interested in the baby. This is not a manifestation of selfishness, I just want you to think a little about her. The husband silently called the cleaning company, sent his wife and child for a walk on the street and followed the cleaning, the mother-in-law came to visit with the same pie, however, already dietary, which can be consumed during guards, and a friend suggested taking a walk with the baby near the beauty salon, while the newly-made Mom gets a manicure.