Do only what you like. Do what you like. Paul Graham on doing what you love

The fate of a person is a path of trial and error, self-education and other steps. I can do everything, I want everything, but how to understand what choice to make?

1. We take two hours of our time (undivided, personal and calm) and sit down at the table

It is important. Not on the sofa, not on the bench, but at the table. We write down everything that we like to do, that interests us. Let it be even a stream of thoughts. It is important to write EVERYTHING.

Now put the paper aside and go to bed. The next day, they took a sober look, analyzed it, crossed out outright nonsense. Now it's easier - there is a basis and ways of direction.

2. Read, listen, visit

For a week or two, try to read/listen to/attend a few places/events related to your chosen fields. Breathe in the local air, feel the atmosphere.

3. What do you dislike?

Let's go from the opposite and in the same way we decide what we do NOT like to do. For example, come to work with mom / dad / other relatives and understand - yours or not. Did you see? I do not like? Good. There is already something.

4. Internship

Any office/magazine/job of your dreams is always looking for interns/volunteers. EVERYTHING IS SO SIMPLE. Exactly. You just need to dial the phone number of the authority and ask about the conditions of the internship. Trying is not torture. Such an experience is the best way to "sober up" your ideas about future work and make it clear whether it is "it" or not.

5. Travel a lot and often if possible

A closed space, the same circle of friends, communication often leads us to a dead end. There is an explosion in your head, a surge of inspiration, energy. You see how people live far and near, what they do.

6. Hang out with older people

Age is not as important here as life experience is important. Especially the experience of those who are already successful in their field and have achieved something. Ask for advice, be interested.

7. Interest club

There are a lot of organizations for students / youth, not only on interests, but also on a general, so to speak, direction. There you can find like-minded people - one, have a good time - two. Three - often people around us let us know who WE really are.

8. Read a lot

9. Although the ninth, but very important point (!)

Please think with your head. Not moms / dads / families / aunts by mom dad, but their own. YOU live and love what you do. This is your ambition, life.

10. Make contacts

This is now called "networking" (from "network", "network" in translation from English.). Your interested and capable friends now are successful people, entrepreneurs, specialists in the future. Be polite to everyone. Try to help others when possible. Such relationships with people are the building blocks of the future. What you do now - you later.

11. Know how to relax

You can't always search hard for your calling. Thought? Doesn't go? We take a break and just relax.

12. And here's the catch (see point 9) - listen to relatives and friends

13. Test

Take the Career Test. I am not laughing now. Thousands of psychologists and other specialists developed this kind of tests for a reason. Every question and your answer has meaning. Whether to follow the test results or not is your right.

14. Exhale, there is not much left

So, we are trying to get out of our comfort zone and do something that we have not tried before. In a week we come up with such 2-3 lessons maximum and broaden our horizons. Imagine that you are a guinea pig and a doctor at the same time. Observe your reactions to certain objects / activities / activities. Draw your own conclusions.

15. Last and most important

Ready? Be yourself. Seriously. Stop copying anyone if you've done it before. Someone's experience may not suit you, someone's views may differ from yours, and this is normal. Everyone has his own path. It is important to go through it yourself from beginning to end.

They first meet on the second day of Minseok's stay with the company. Yixing is friendly and open, so one of the first people to come up to greet a newcomer. His smile is beautiful and his accent is funny, Minseok likes it. While he is getting to know the rest of the trainees, out of the corner of his eye he watches the Chinese, who is already in full swing in the middle of the hall. The two of them dance together, as Minseok later finds out the other is called Jongin. This is improvisation, these two have completely different styles, but together they look organic. Sharp attacks are replaced by plastic and viscous movements, from which you can’t take your eyes off. Watching the dance, the Korean catches Isin's reflection in the mirror and freezes at the intensity of his gaze. There is so much passion and focus in him that goosebumps run down Minseok's spine. On this day, he decides that he wants to befriend a dancer. A week later, in the same hall, a Korean gets a chance to strike up a conversation. There is no one else besides them, Isin greets him briefly and begins to warm up. - Isin? Minseok begins hesitantly. - How are you? The beginning is stupid, for some reason, when you look at the surprised Chinese, the remnants of confidence immediately disappear. - Excellent, - he smiles after a while, continuing the warm-up. - Now the coach will come, you'd better start to separate. Do you remember the last link? If you want, I can help you. “I remember.” The friendly and informal style makes Minsoku more cheerful. And Yixing is already slowly repeating the dance moves they have been learning all week. Without thinking twice, the Korean joins him. They smile at each other through the mirror and dance to Isin's loud count. Thus begins their friendship. A month later, Minseok is ready to swear that he has known a friend for years. In contrast to his seriousness in the dance, in real life the Chinese is even nicer and more carefree than it first seemed. He can chat non-stop for hours on end, talking about everything in the world. Their homes are in the same direction, so after every workout they go to the bus stop together. Sometimes another Chinese trainee, Yifan, joins them. Minseok has twofold feelings for him: on the one hand, he likes him, a normal, serious guy, and on the other, in his company, Yixing seems even more fun, they often crackle in Chinese, talking about something of their own. Minseok doesn't know Chinese, and for some reason, it makes him sad. But sometimes, in fits of mischief, Isin incites Minseok to play Yifan, and in principle, under such conditions, the Korean can calm his friendly jealousy. A year later, Minseok realizes that he is tired. Endless workouts, total lack of sleep, muscle pain - all this torments. Taekwondo classes on rare weekends bring him back to normal, but not for long. When he is ready to leave and leave his dream of becoming an idol, Minseok turns to Isin for advice. After listening to a friend, the younger takes him by the hand and leads him to the rehearsal room, where he turns on the first melody that comes across, immediately starting to dance. Just like the first time, Minseok planted his feet on the floor, seeing the Chinese man's burning eyes through the mirror. And he, finding himself nearby in the next dance step, grabs him by the hand and pulls him along. - Dance. Do what you love, - the words are sharp, on the exhale, the eyes shine. These words and the image of a breathless Isin are imprinted in Minseok's head for years to come. Two years later, future EXO members move into a brand new dorm. Minseok is doubly happy because he and Yixing are now classmates. Together for many years. He cannot say exactly when he began to see him as something more than just a friend. But the words that come out of his mouth after the first breakfast prepared by Yixing are not a joke at all: “Marry me,” Minseok laughs along with the others, deep down burning with shame. - Our Bun loves to eat, - his classmate Luhan pours out, - and Yixing loves to cook. You will make a great couple. Minseok is glad that he is known as a joker among the trainees because he laughs the loudest when he is embarrassed. His friend just waves his hand towards Luhan and goes to wash the dishes. The entire laughing and yelling crowd slowly flows into the living room, leaving only two friends in the kitchen. Minseok is still a little ashamed of his thoughts, but that's no reason to leave a Chinese man with a mountain of dirty dishes. In complete silence, they do the dishes, occasionally colliding fingers in soapy water, which causes the Korean's ears to burn. When they finish, Isin turns to him with a tired smile and says in a completely casual tone: - If in 10 years we do not die from lack of sleep and overwork, then I will marry you. Minseok widens his already large eyes in surprise, causing the younger to chuckle softly. He lightly strokes his cheek and pulls him into the living room with the rest of the guys. The elder hesitates to ask if those words were a joke. The day before the debut, Yixing is shaking all over, which does not hide from the gaze of the Korean. - What's the matter? Are you worried? - he carefully hugs his friend by the shoulders, seating him on the sofa. - I think I'm screwed. Kai dances like he breathes, but I can't do that. Yesterday I forgot the movements from History, what kind of dance machine am I after that? “This is the first time Minseok sees Isin so insecure. He squeezes his shoulder and quietly says: - Remember what you told me 3 years ago? "Dance, do what you love." You are just like Jongin, you live for dancing. Tomorrow everything will be fine, you and I have been working for 4 years for this. We are one, remember? Yixing smiles broadly and closes his eyes. - You know, if everything goes well tomorrow, then I'll kiss you, - the elder smiles uncertainly and tries to convince himself that his friend is joking. But the timid hope for reciprocity grows in the chest and does not yield to any persuasion. The next day after the performance, all the guys are in a feverish excitement, hugging, laughing, Baekhyun is crying in Chanyeol's strong hugs to the general hooting. Minseok looks for Yixing as he is yanked sharply towards the toilet. The click of the lock seems too loud to the elder, and the look of the friend is too crazy. “What…” Minseok starts, but Isin’s warm lips make it difficult to finish. The Chinese kisses him furiously, thrusting his tongue into his mouth with force, from which the elder's knees buckle. Only strong hugs prevent him from sliding down the wall. When both of them run out of air, Yixing takes a step back, leaning back against the opposite wall, and quietly says, “Don’t look at me like that, I thought you wanted to too,” there is an uncertainty in his voice that Minseok can’t stand. Instead of answering, he pulls the Chinese to him and kisses him greedily. Who knows, maybe in 10 years Korea will allow same-sex marriages.

“Find something more important than yourself, and devote your life to it,” philosopher Dan Dennett once said, talking about the path to happiness. But how exactly do you find that job? Surely this does not happen by chance. I am convinced that curiosity and the ability to make choices help us find ourselves, but the search for one's vocation is a complex and individual process. Despite this, there are some factors that help alleviate it. In this article, we share the observations of seven thinkers who talked about how to make a living doing what you love.

Paul Graham on doing what you love

Every few months I rediscover and voraciously re-read Y-Combinator founder Paul Graham's excellent article, "How to Do What You Love", written by in 2006 year. The article is great, but the most important and relevant part, in which the author talks about public opinion and how prestige is not an indicator of success, seemed to me the most important and relevant:

“I think you should not worry about the opinion of others about you, with the exception of your friends. Don't worry about prestige either. Prestige is the opinion of others.”

“Prestige is the strongest magnet that can distort even your own ideas about what brings you pleasure. He makes you work not on what you love, but on what you wanted you to love.”

“Prestige and inspiration are inextricably linked. If you are very good at something, you can turn this activity into a prestigious one. Many phenomena that we consider prestigious were far from this at the beginning of their history. Jazz is an example of this, although any art form would fit that description. Therefore, do what gives you pleasure, and do not think about prestige.”

“Prestige is a particular danger to ambitious people. If you need to get an ambitious person to spend their time doing errands, make them believe that they will do a prestigious job. That is why many people give speeches, write forewords, serve on committees, hold positions as department heads, and so on. I advise you to make it a rule to avoid performing any task with a touch of prestige. If it was truly worthwhile, it would not be labeled with prestige.”

Alain de Botton on success

Alain de Botton, a contemporary philosopher and author of self-improvement books written in an artistic style, studies the paradoxes and fallacies generated by the norms of our culture.

In The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work, de Botton, with his usual wit and wisdom, addresses the topic of professional activity, exposing the deceitfulness of “success”.

“The interesting thing about success is we think we know what it is. Very often, our ideas about a happy life are not really ours. They are absorbed by us from other people. We also absorb advertisements, messages from TV, and so on. These are the strongest sources that determine our desires and how we perceive ourselves. I am not saying that we need to get rid of our ideas about success, but only that it is important to make sure that these ideas are actually our authorship. I advise everyone to focus on your ideas and check if they really belong to you, if you are really the author of your own ambitions. Not getting what you want is bad, but it’s much worse to live thinking that you need one thing, and at the end of your journey to realize that this is not at all what you would really like.”

Hugh McLeod on setting boundaries

Cartoonist Hugh MacLeod is famous not only for his provocative scribbles, but also for his categorical judgments about creativity, culture and the meaning of life. In Ignore Everybody: and 39 Other Keys to Creativity, McLeod has collected some of his wisest advice for creative people. Particularly close to my own judgments about the importance of choice, this thought of his about the need to set boundaries seemed to me:

16. “The most important thing that a creative person can learn in terms of work is the ability to draw a line that separates what you agree to do from what you do not agree.

Art suffers from the moment people start paying for it. The greater your need for money, the more others will tell you what to do. The less control you have over the situation. The more crap you'll have to swallow. The less pleasure you will get from creativity. Keep this in mind and plan your path with the above in mind.”

McLeod then talks about prestige, giving an opinion similar to Graham's:

28. “The best way to get approval is not to need it. This rule applies to art and business. Love. Sex. Anything really worthwhile.”

Lewis Hyde on the difference between work and labor

One of the best books on creativity of all time is The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World by Lewis Hyde, published in 1979. About him, David Foster Wallace said the famous phrase: “No person who has previously been engaged in creativity can remain the same after reading this book.”

In the passage below, Hyde explains the difference between work and creative work, realizing which we can approach the much-desired professional self-realization:

“Work is what we do by the hour and, if possible, for money. Work is when people weld car bodies on an assembly line, wash dishes, calculate taxes, make rounds in a psychiatric clinic, pick asparagus on the lot. Labor, on the contrary, sets its own rhythm. We can get a reward for it, but it will be harder to measure it ... Examples of labor are the creation of a poem, the upbringing of a child, the development of a new method of calculation, overcoming a state of neurosis, inventing something.

Work is an intentional activity performed by the will of a person. Labor can also be intentional, which can manifest itself in preparatory work or avoidance of doing things that could interfere with work. However, apart from these moments, work proceeds according to its own schedule.”

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi gave a name to the quality that distinguishes labor from work - "flow". The flow state is characterized by a strong focus and clarity of thought, as well as a feeling of “losing” oneself, losing track of time, and a sense of belonging to something important. If you've ever spent the night working on your own project, or writing a love letter for 20 hours straight, you've probably experienced flow and creativity.

Steve Jobs on constant search

In his legendary 2005 Stanford alumni address, Steve Jobs eloquently spoke of the need to keep looking for what you love until you find it. In the search process, according to Jobs, human intuition plays the most important role:

“Your work will be a significant part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you think is a good job. And you can only do good work if you love what you do. If you haven't found something like this yet, keep looking. Do not stop. When you meet true love, you immediately understand this, and in the search for your favorite business, everything is exactly the same. And, like any strong relationship, over the years, attachment to your favorite business only grows. So keep looking until you find the right one. Do not stop."

Robert Kralvich about friends

Robert Krulwich, co-producer of the excellent WNYC Radiolab radio program, author of the fascinating science site Krulwich Wonders, and recipient of the Peabody Award for Significant Contribution to Broadcasting, is one of today's finest journalists. Addressing the Berkeley graduates, he emphasized the most important social aspect of work - the presence of social ties that are much more significant and honest compared to the prestige and approval of others.

“On your path in life, you will find a job, but you will also gain affection for the people you have helped and who have helped you. It doesn't matter what status your friends hold in society. It is important that they give you time, challenge you, help you in your work and are always ready to give you a friendly shoulder. Perhaps you will find strength in friends.”

“If you can, fall in love with your work, with the people you work with, with your dreams and their dreams. Don't forget what brought you to this university. Don't forget what you were here for. Believe in your friends. Trust that your thoughts and those of your friends, and the way you express them, bring something new into the world.”

Holsti's manifesto

Holstee Manifesto is a beautiful message about the meaning of life, an excerpt from which we give below:

"It is your life. Do what you like and do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit. If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for your soulmate, stop. She will appear in your life as soon as you start doing what you love.”

The words of the manifesto are now printed on posters, greeting cards and even children's bibs, because it's never too early to learn to listen to your heart.

In the article you will be offered one simple and beautiful solution, how to avoid suffering and at the same time solve many problems.

This article is addressed to those people who continue to experience suffering. At the end of the article, a practical way will be given on how to eliminate all suffering in your life today.

Suffering is a signal that it's time to change something

If you do not drink or smoke, but you still have internal suffering, this is a sure signal that it is time to change something.
In sobriety, it is no longer possible to escape into the alcoholic world and use other addictions. Therefore, you begin to feel more clearly and sharply what does not suit you in life, therefore you experience suffering.

Understanding the source of suffering.

1. The first thing you should start with is to understand: what events and aspects of life cause inner discomfort and suffering.
2. Second, you need to figure out how to avoid these things in your life that cause suffering. It is to come up with and draw up a specific plan for how this can be done.
3. The third is to begin to gradually take action to change your life.

If you don’t like the job, you need to figure out how to change jobs or how not to work at all.
If you do not like the place where you live, you need to figure out how to live where you want.

Stop doing what you don't want to do.

The main goal is not to find what you want. It's about gradually stopping doing what you don't want to do. You can start with seemingly insignificant things:
stop living up to the expectations of loved ones,
stop being good
stop doing what you don't like.
This will allow you to minimize suffering in your life.

If you don't like something, you should try not to do it. I don't know how, but it needs to be introduced into your life in order to become real.

The suffering you're experiencing right now is because you HAVE to do what you don't want to do - and it desensitizes you.

You can't even feel what you really want.
Therefore, it is necessary get rid of suffering and gradually stop doing what you don't want to do.
When you " suffer”, tolerate those conditions that are disgusting to you, your sensitivity is at a low level, and all the good opportunities that come to you (and they come to you, be sure), you successfully miss.

Listen to your soul

Try to listen to your soul more clearly. She is the one who knows what you really want.
If you simply ignore the urges of the soul, your sobriety will not be of high quality and suffering will not go anywhere.
The path of sobriety is the path of the soul.
By listening to your soul, you make your life better.

Fear gets in the way of pain

You will have a fear of change, because you are not used to changing something. You are used to doing anything: running away, ignoring, but not changing your life. Change is always scary, but it is necessary. Change is growth.

Someone will think, what will I live on? Can I starve to death?
Nothing like this.
A person who leads a completely sober lifestyle has no other addictions, his nose goes strictly with the wind, and he will never become poor, because he will sense and use every opportunity, since every time he consults with his soul.

Illusory values

It is necessary to give up external values ​​such as:
money,
wheelbarrows,
clothes,
smartphones,
show off.

Drawing: The girl was chasing illusory values ​​and was very tired

In pursuit of illusory values, you will lose yourself and your happiness. And the suffering won't go away.
I recommend putting true values ​​at the center of your life:
self-realization,
Liberty,
Love,
happiness,
healthy relationships (with a loved one, society, with oneself).

No material value will give you spiritual satisfaction and deliverance from suffering. No career achievements, success at work, large sums of money, status will close your inner pain. In addition, your soul, which is millions of years old, is absolutely not interested in these external trinkets.

Work as a source of suffering

For example, you work and maybe even make good money.
If at the same time work brings you joy and satisfaction, you can be quite a happy person.
But if you feel daily suffering, and the work does not suit you very much, something needs to be done about it.
Of course, you shouldn't throw the application on the boss's desk tomorrow. But change needs to be planned.

Auto-upgrade other areas

If you gradually stop doing what you don't want, it will solve many of your problems.
Due to the fact that your sensitivity will increase, you will hear your soul better. And make the best decisions, both in your life and in the field of finances, setting goals and choosing decisions.

intrinsic value

If you do not do what you do not like, it increases your self-esteem.
And healthy self-esteem is the foundation of a relationship.
To build good relationships, you need to respect and value yourself.

Renunciation of suffering leads to the fact that:

1. You gradually begin to love yourself, because you will not arbitrarily humiliate yourself;
2. You will love yourself, automatically love other people;
3. And then others will be able to love you;
4. If you value yourself, you can easily find a soul mate and build a healthy relationship.

Your passion

In addition, renunciation of suffering is fundamental if you want to practice and develop what you love. You will be able to develop your hobbies and hobbies, which by default require high sensitivity.

Where to start to get rid of suffering

Start small:
do not want to wash the dishes - do not wash,
If you don't want to get out, don't get out!
if you want to sleep a little longer on the weekend - sleep at least until the evening!

Don't think that you can turn into a lazy person. It only seems. When you are satisfied with primary desires, you will do, create, create, add, but at a much more effective level than if you did it against the backdrop of suffering.
This is the shortest and most direct path to happiness.

People who managed to get out of suffering were able to truly realize themselves in life. These include great scientists and poets, artists and inventors.
People who clearly heard their soul.

You can forget everything that was written in this article, but at least remember these 2 things:

To get rid of suffering and achieve a comfortable state, you need to do the following:

1. Get rid of all addictions (alcohol, smoking, overeating, gambling addiction),
2. Don't do what you don't want to do.

A very simple formula.
Why are so many people suffering and not enjoying life? Because few people follow these 2 simple steps.
So lead a sober lifestyle and listen to your soul. And you will be happy!

Greetings, my dear readers!

Probably the most pressing question that each of us asks ourselves, life, the Universe is how to become happy? The concept of "happiness" is complex, each has its own. More precisely, each of them consists of a different set of components. For some, the main thing is health and love, for another, success in business and financial independence, for a third, it’s completely different. However, if we talk to a large number of people and carefully analyze what we heard, we can conclude that in all these individual "sets" there is one common component - the desire for inner comfort. And it doesn't matter what exactly this comfort provides.

If we start to dig even deeper, we will inevitably come to the conclusion that comfort gives a state of inner freedom. More precisely, the degree of this freedom. The narrower and tougher the restrictions, frames, external requirements, dependencies, the stronger the discomfort. And the weaker the state of happiness!

How to remove these frames and restrictions? You need to understand well what created them, where the roots are hidden. And they were created from childhood, I would say, from birth, and literally everyone had a hand in their creation. Beloved parents, family, kindergarten, school, society. Very few of us have been taught to be free and brought up in this delightful state of freedom. Why? Well, because society does not need freethinkers and rebels. They are unprofitable, it is unrealistic to manage them, at all times and in all states. It is clear that no one taught our parents this either. All of them (like we ourselves regarding our own children) say that they were simply "not up to it." The main thing is to dress, put on shoes, feed. And so that everything is like people. There is no time to goof off and breed different abstruse philosophies, you know ...

Now this situation is changing, there are thinking and conscious parents who care not only about the external side of the issue of raising children, they also think about the state of the soul, moreover, from the point of view of the child, and not their own. There are still few of them, but the process is underway, and I am very happy for these children, they will grow up as people of a different formation and, I believe, will begin to create a new, more humane society.

And what should we do, in whom everything has long been laid down and tightly put down its roots? We have to educate ourselves on our own. When I first started my conscious journey of change, I developed one rule that I still follow to this day.

Do only what you like. And what you don't like, don't do it

And here the most difficult begins. It seems to be a simple rule, but, as it turns out, it is very difficult to follow it in real life! The first part is clear. If I have the choice to eat an apple or a cake, I will choose an apple. And you might have a cake. Or what to become - a builder or a doctor? Again, it's a matter of choice and preference. What if there is no such choice? If every day you have to go to work because you have to feed your family? And there is no cake in the fridge, only vegetables… Problem?

Plus, each of us is hung with so many obligations, various "must", fears, complexes, and again, restrictions, if they are not right ... How to be?

But simply. First, make a decision. What changes to be, and no nails. And secondly, start following this decision every day. And there is this heavy "elephant" in pieces. Do something every day to make a change in the spirit of the like-dislike motto. It is impossible to change the established life with all its rules and way of life in one day. I don't know people who have done it. But those who are quite subject to gradual changes, I know. And I myself am one of them.

I will illustrate. I do not communicate with those people who categorically do not suit me. I just crossed them off my list of friends. I do not build relationships with men who do not match my ideas about men. I have been unemployed for 20 years, because for me it is tantamount to being in prison. I never drink alcohol, even at weddings and commemorations, just for the sake of being so “accepted”. I do not eat boiled food under any circumstances, even in order to "not offend the hostess." I do not pay for utility services, because I am not satisfied with the existing tariffs. And yes, I am ready to defend my views in court! I know how to say "no" when I think that's exactly what I need to say. I do not work for unworthy pay if I am sure that my services cost more. And, on the contrary, I work for free if I myself want to do a good deed!

And this is far from the limit, believe me, there are so many different aspects in life that you want to change in the indicated vein, that there is no end to the work! But what about a beginner, where to start? Start with what can be done quickly. From what minimally goes against your standard settings. Moreover, it does not require financial injections, if you have nothing to “pour in” yet. With what can be done right here and now. And go from simple to complex. The main thing is to do it every day, without changing the decisions made and your own dreams.

Explode your own consciousness by breaking the most insignificant stereotypes. For example, instead of soup, eat dessert as a first course. Why not? Or take a hike with a suitcase of cosmetics and evening dresses for a mind-blowing photo shoot in the wild! Consciousness simply needs to be blown up from time to time so that it wakes up and accepts the fact that you can live differently, not like everyone else and not like always. This is a very good training for him and preparation for more significant changes.

For example, you are tired of going to a job you hate. You can't quit, you have to live on something. There are no alternatives on the horizon yet either, that would be right, rrrraz, and change everything tomorrow. No problem! Your task is to form an intention and make a decision. Deciding that you want change, and what you are doing, you definitely do not like. You do not just dutifully continue to go to the hateful office, but consciously and temporarily “rent yourself out” on favorable terms for you. The Universe will hear your request and will prepare the right opportunities for you at the right time. Or... you'll get fired and you'll just be forced to very quickly look for something that you like more, it also happens. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for! Some decisions are only for the brave, don't forget about it!

Or, say, you switched to a vegetarian/vegan/raw food diet. You no longer cook meat for yourself, but there are relatives nearby who are not ready to share your beliefs. What should I do, rape myself and continue to fry cutlets through “I don’t want to”? No. We don't do what we don't like! But we do not act like half-mad fanatics, but we are looking for a compromise. First, tell your husband that you will cook meat not every day, but three times a week. Then once a week. And then, when you get used to it, you declare that cooking meat spoils your karma, and you no longer want to touch it in principle. Cook, honey, yourself, if you need it. And sculpt especially delicious vegetarian masterpieces that he will definitely like.

This very rule “do not do what you don’t like” is directly related to the concept of self-love. A lot has been written about this, and I wrote too. But until now, a great many people are completely incomprehensible what it is. And only a few were able to put into practice and love themselves to the fullest extent. Well, nothing, we have a lot of time ahead, we will learn this too! The main thing is to understand that it has nothing to do with such qualities and concepts as egoism, egocentrism, selfishness, narcissism, etc. Love is love and nothing else. Deal with it thoroughly, it will greatly brighten up your life to a complete change, and make it easier for you to achieve the desired and permanent state of happiness.

A person who truly loves himself will never do something that his soul does not lie in, just because he “should”. Remember once and for all, every person has only one duty - to fulfill his life and be happy. Everything else is stereotypes and programs imposed on you. And if imposed, it means beneficial to anyone except you.

Whenever you are told something from the category: “a man should keep his emotions to himself” or “a woman should be able to cook” or “you should take care of the good of the team”, you need to ask the question: “who should (should, should ....) yourself ? Or someone who wants to manipulate you? And how does this relate to the desires of your soul? If you like to cook - yes to health! But if you don't want to, then you don't owe anyone anything. Let those who are interested in it prepare.

And this is where fear comes into play. A great many fears and complexes. Fear of loneliness: "I will not cook, and he will leave me." Fear of not being liked by others: “I will refuse a request to borrow money, and they will take offense at me, they will consider me greedy, callous, etc.” Fear of not being like everyone else: “I will be judged, they will laugh, I will become an outcast.” And the greatest number of variations of such extremely harmful beliefs. How to deal with it? It is not easy, but it is quite possible to overcome it. Decide for yourself who is more important to you, you or a friend? Whose happiness and spiritual comfort do you want to cherish - yours or your boss? With parents, children and spouses, it is even more difficult ...

There is such a test, simple and very revealing. It is proposed to rank the following in order of priority:

1. Spouse
2. Parents

Try to complete the task right now, and I will write the correct answer in the comments.

That is, if you write the list in the correct order, then you will move in the right direction initially. If not, you will see where your mistake is and what you need to work on first.

If you are told that you have become “somehow not like that”, then this means that you have become simply less comfortable than before ...

When you begin to live by the new rules, making new decisions every day and making a conscious choice, you will see how littered and blinkered your consciousness is, what a huge number of attitudes that are alien to you govern your life. And, of course, how much important work remains to be done! Often without even imagining in which direction you need to move and who to ask for advice ... But, believe me, if you have already embarked on this path, have found the courage to break limiting attitudes, then there will be answers, and mentors will come. Take the first step more boldly, and may the happiness of being free not pass you by!

© Evgenia Dovzhenko. 2018. All rights reserved

VKontakte: Orange Sky group.