Husband changed how to live after her husband's infidelity. Me or family: life together after cheating husband

05.08.2019

My husband cheated on me. He confessed to everything. I forgave him. More precisely, she said that she had forgiven, but I feel that everything is not the same as before. I keep replaying everything I heard from him in my head. I keep coming back to this topic. How to live after cheating husband? I don't want more! I want to forget! But I can't!

Why can't I let go?

Imagine that you lived in a beautiful house. Everything was good, everyone was happy and satisfied. But one terrible night, a hurricane began, with lightning, thunder, downpour. The wind tousled the roof of your house, flung open the shutters and shattered the windows. The rain rushed into the rooms. Jets of rain flooded everything - walls, furniture, clothes. The wind scattered books, curtains, clothes.

By morning everything was quiet. The cloud went to the horizon.

Before you was your house, battered by the storm. You don't have another home. We must live in it. Repair, fix. You try, but water is still dripping from the walls. Fragments of a torn roof and broken glass are now and then come across underfoot.

All this will go on for a long time. You can't help but notice the trash left behind by the storm. It's garbage, you don't need it. But he won't disappear on his own. You have to clean your house, your soul.

Same with after cheating. The garbage left by the storm is your memories of the difficult moments when you found out everything, when you decided what to do next. If this is not removed, not “worked out”, then it will “fall” under your feet, even when you paste new wallpapers and renew your relationship with your husband. The trauma needs to be worked through.

How to live on after the betrayal of her husband?

Why it is harmful to remain silent about the offense The trouble is that sometimes women convince themselves: "whoever remembers the past, that eye is out." Soak their feelings. So that my husband does not get nervous. It is harmful not only for the soul, but also for the body.

Resentment, fear can cause many diseases, from diseases of the respiratory system to cancer.

In addition, you will not be able to build new trusting relationships if you do not fully understand the old ones. The family that used to be is no more. Remember the house destroyed by the hurricane? But the garbage is still lying around. Rubbish in your soul. He will interfere with you, get into a new relationship in the form of fears and suspicions.

It is necessary to understand all the memories, moments and sensations. Let them leave at your will, because they will not dissolve themselves.

How to live after the betrayal of her husband: What prevents you from letting go of the situation?

There are three "demons" that prevent you from living peacefully.

Memories of how it was

What did you feel when you found out? When have you seen him correspond with someone? Was leaving and you didn't know where? Have you looked out the window and realized that the future is unknown? What did you want to do with this woman? With both of them?

It must be said, the "pain charge" must go.

You understand that the past is full of mistakes. But what exactly was wrong? The husband expressed his opinion, this opinion is based on his experiences. And it even seems to you that in his opinion there is only selfishness. You have your own version. Where is the truth? Well now, not to move at all, so as not to make mistakes again? Or boldly go further along the old rake?

3. His attitude towards your experiences.

Yes, you need him to feel how much it hurt you! So that he understands what you have experienced! With what suffering, fears, you had to face one-on-one.

Perhaps this is not a sacrifice, but a feat. The feat of a single woman who stepped on the throat of her own ego. Someone told you: He doesn't deserve you! Why do you believe him!"And you decided to believe! At one's own risk. And you are really scared!

How to stop feeling pain after cheating?

What does it mean to “work through” trauma? This means that the entire charge of energy, all the accumulated tension must come out of you.

You will defeat the first two "demons" with the help of a psychologist. A psychologist will help you deal with self-esteem, work out fear and guilt. Fortunately, there are methods and techniques that release the feelings accumulated in the soul.

You will work out new scenarios of behavior, you will see errors in old installations. It is possible that a genogram will tell you a lot, that is, a picture of the family relationships of your ancestors.

Working with a psychologist can be stressful emotionally, but the more stressful the work, the calmer you will be after.

Conversations: Repetitive conversations when you tell your husband that you are uncomfortable with all the mention of Her, about what happened. You tell how difficult it was for you. What had to go through. It is worth warning your husband that you need this - so that he hears you, so that he understands how difficult it was for you. That it was all for your family.

The most correct reaction of a husband is a strong hug and the phrase “ Cute! I realized how wrong I was, and what a wonderful wife you are! I will never hurt you again". But no one has ever said those words. Usually limited to: Yes, I understand…. I don't want that either... I love only you" By and large, and this is good.

Letters: A very good method. Personally, my favorite. You are writing a letter to your husband. Maybe not even one letter. Describe whatever you need. You give the letter to your husband. He reads. With or without you. How will he react? ... Most likely, the same as in the first case. When writing a letter, remember what exactly is your goal - to convey your pain or to scold your husband?

Agreement with husband What are you willing to do to correct your mistakes. What is he willing to do. It can be in writing. Why is this a good way? Because you won't be able to draw up this contract until you've discussed all of the past. It is also good because it sets you up to think about the future, and not to mourn the past.

How to understand that you no longer need to work through the trauma?

There is no need to understand here. You just don't feel like talking about it anymore. You can talk about anything else. And the topic of betrayal makes you frown and turn the conversation in a different direction. That's it, it doesn't hurt anymore. Only whines on windy chilly evenings.

How to continue to live after the betrayal of her husband? Sometimes infidelity can be an impetus for the relationship to undergo “treatment”. After treatment, they become stronger, sincere. Sometimes, betrayal becomes a “vaccination” for relationships, forgive me readers. In order for the “vaccination” to work and develop “immunity” to family difficulties, so that the husband and wife learn to overcome problems, and not be silent about them, you need to be able to survive the betrayal. Reach a higher level in personal development for each of the spouses. Take relationships to the next level.

Change is very scary. But even this horror can be experienced if both spouses want to stay together.

Hello. My husband and I are 13 years old and we have an 8 year old son. For all the time, the relationship was not cloudless. We are very different, opposite personalities. 2 years ago there was a relationship crisis. On my part, dissatisfaction and claims intensified. I felt in love with another person. Scandals and quarrels became more frequent with her husband. They were not groundless, he often walked with friends, came home drunk. I told him in one of the conversations that my feelings had cooled down and if it were not for my son, I would have left. Over time, we reconciled, I forgot my grievances and words. I told my husband to start over. I began to work on my attitude towards him and try to understand him. It seemed to me that everything was beginning to improve, but my husband became somehow indifferent, irritated. Last summer at sea, I confessed my love to him just like that, there was an impulse. Even then I felt his coldness. At the beginning of last autumn, I began to suspect my husband of treason, because His former assistant in Viber began to post photos with her husband. When I questioned him, he said that they were just friends. I understood that there might have been a betrayal, but I didn’t press my husband, because I myself almost left him 2 years ago. In January, his mistress called me and in his presence I heard that they had a relationship for these 2 years. She has a one year old daughter with her husband. I burst into tears, but could not expel my husband. Over the past year, I felt that I love him the way he is. I told him that I was letting go, and he says that he wants to be with me and his son. Allegedly goes there because of his daughter. She consoled him 2 years ago when he thought he had lost me. But he did not promise her anything, and since K. Loves his son, he did not want to ruin the family. Then she became pregnant and allegedly assured that she had no views on him and would give birth for herself ... but it turned out that he helped her and went there further. When everything was revealed, when asked if he loved her, he shrugged his shoulders and honestly said that there was mutual understanding, he didn’t just go to have sex. He said that he loved his daughter and became attached to her very much. He repents, wants to try everything again ... Allegedly, he did not confess, because K. He was afraid that I would kick him out, but he did not want this. I feel guilty for causing the situation myself. Now I understand that I made the most terrible mistakes in relations with my husband, neglected him and did not appreciate him, did not understand him ... A year ago, my husband bought us an apartment, got into debt, we are still doing repairs in it. When asked why, he says, justifying himself, saying that no matter how it turns out, my son and I deserve it ... Now we are trying to start all over again. But the mistress does not give rest. Tried to call me. And I don't want to hear it, I completely ignore it. She wrote me a letter about their love. And although I understand with a sober mind that I 100% lied and fantasized about something, many of her words hurt even deeper. He posts joint photos on social networks ... after all, we have mutual friends. Her husband's antics are angry and disappointing, he says he doesn't recognize her and now he understands that many little things were planned and she is a good psychologist by nature ... I can't calm down. I try to live as before, not to escalate the situation. With him, do not hysteria and do not cry. And it hurts a lot. I wind myself up that he is with me only because of my son. I don’t know what makes me feel bad more: from the fact of infidelity or that my husband may not love and treat me like a relative. He says it's not like he still loves me. I suppose that when I heard a declaration of love from me in the summer (to which, by the way, the reaction was - a smirk and a surprised "that's all right"), I probably began to rethink everything and maybe I felt ashamed. I understand that he is also confused about his feelings and cannot be romantic and loving now. Of course, he became softer, more courteous or something, we often talk heart to heart as well. , she promoted him for another joint photo ... Which she has now posted on social networks and viber. Hands go down. He wants everything to be the same as before. But I know that this will not happen, there will either be a break or a new better relationship .. My manifestation of affection and love scares him a little ... But I want to show feelings and receive attention in return ... How to behave with him and her?

29 Mar 2017

Kapuchina

Olesya Verevkina

Hello Kapuchina. I see how disturbing and difficult it is now to sort things out with your husband, and I sympathize with you very much. Tell me, how old are you and your husband? It works, do you too? 2 years ago you almost left for another - did you have intimacy, or did everything remain at the level of love? Did the husband know this person? It turns out that now the mistress has a certain power over her husband and wants to keep him at all costs, but he is still in uncertainty? How does your son react to what is happening? Do any of your family and friends support you now?

30 Mar 2017

Hello, I am 32 years old, my husband is 33. Both my husband and I work. He is a private entrepreneur, all the time at work, often on weekends ... My work does not suit me at the moment, I even decided to look for something else for changes in my life. I didn’t physically cheat on my husband, but there were thoughts about another person ... There were opportunities to go on a spree, change, but I didn’t want to do this, because I am of the opinion that everything should be honest ... You need to end one relationship and then start others ... She told her husband about what opportunities I had and made it clear that she had chosen him, she had not crossed the line ... You see, he is not a womanizer by nature at all ... Now her mistress has a trump card - a child .. She has been calling him for a month now, but I think that she will get in touch and the child may be the reason ... The joint photo is still exposed ... I recently spoke heart to heart with my husband, I can’t leave this topic ... He says, that he feels guilty both in front of me and in front of her ... That he cannot "find himself" ... We involuntarily dragged our son into this too ... He once told me "a bad aunt who loves her dad," I'm afraid how if he didn’t blabbed to my parents, I don’t want to disturb them and forever change their attitude towards my husband ... Only the mother-in-law knows about the situation and one friend... Of course they support me... My mother-in-law seems to be tired of my crying in my vest, she can't help, and most importantly, to assure that he loves me... And it scares me... I understand that it takes time , but I so want to love and be loved, completely change relationships and be happy ... Only it turns out that my inner feeling of happiness depends directly on my husband ...

30 Mar 2017

Kapuchina

Life in uncertainty is always full of anxiety and tension, Kapuchina. In this regard, you really depend on your husband now. As I understand it, you can speak openly and confidentially with him and are sure that he will answer you in the same way, which means that there is hope for an improvement in relations, and an impressive one. You need to decide on your position and stick to it no matter what your husband does. As I understand it, you love him and want to continue the relationship, which means that you can express your love for your husband in the usual way for both of you: care, interest in his work affairs, his favorite dishes for dinner, hugs, share your news and mood with your husband, talk to your son and about your son. Everything that connected you continues to exist, and this is the main thing.
If you feel any discomfort (negative emotions or doubts), you can try to talk to your husband about this in the form of an "I-message" (when you talk not about how bad he is, that he brought the situation to an extreme, but about your own feelings, inviting him to solve the problem), for example: "You know, I'm very anxious right now because of the uncertainty we are in. I love you and want to continue the relationship. I know that you have many doubts, but please tell me if you can to determine some specific period, after which you will finally decide, what do you think?"

31 Mar 2017

Maria, thank you very much for your support. I understand that both my husband and I need time. You can try to forget and forgive everything ... Everything can be fixed, the only thing that cannot be changed is the presence of a child on the side. I explained to my husband that the family should be alone. He agreed with me. He said that he would try not to go there, but he understands that because of him his daughter is growing up without a father and the child is not to blame for anything. It is probably impossible to categorically forbid him to see the child and help ... But because of this family connection, my wounds will constantly hurt .. What should I do?

31 Mar 2017

Kapuchina

Kapuchina, on the one hand, "It is probably impossible to categorically forbid him to see the child and help," and on the other hand, you have feelings, and you feel anxiety, resentment and anger that just will not disappear. You should convey this duality to your husband in the "I-message", so that he understands how difficult it is for you, and together decide in what form he can participate in the life of his daughter (maybe a decision will be made not to see each other, but transfer a certain amount to the card of money). In the end, the most important thing for a girl is the attention and love of her mother, and I know cases when girls who grew up without a father then built their completely harmonious relationships.

It's been 3 months since I found out about the change. I drink light sedatives and gradually return to my previous way of life ... I began to sleep better. I try to always look good, I go to yoga. But I see that my husband is still going through it hard ... He eats and sleeps badly ... I am very worried about this. I speak heart to heart with him. I ask how he feels.. He says that he "lost himself." She feels guilty both in front of me and in front of her ... When asked about the prospect of our relationship, she somehow avoids answering, apparently she doesn’t know what to say .. So she can’t assure about something ... I’m not sure about tomorrow. Every day he drinks a bottle of low alcohol ... He could often afford a bottle of beer in the evening before ... It always bothered me, I am strict about alcohol. 2 years ago, I brought him articles about beer alcoholism about this. A year ago, she stopped pestering him with her concern for his health. And now, I think that every day he has been doing this for a long time, since ... And it helps him relax and fall asleep ... It scares me very much ... Today I am bitter at the thought that he misses them ... I really want happiness and love, and I have been planning a second child for a long time, I wanted a girl ... Now I don’t even know what I’m doing ... I suffer myself and he suffers, now I don’t even dare to dream of a daughter, since we are in such a suspended and uncertain condition. And time goes by...

I forgot about pride ... And probably a fool that I want to forgive such a betrayal ... Maybe I don’t believe in myself that I can be happy without him ... It’s very difficult for me in such a borderline state. If you re-read everything, I'm fighting with myself. Or rather, every day angels and demons fight in me ... Thank you, psychologists, for "listening to me" and giving advice, support ... I don’t want to go crazy .. I just understand that everything depends not only on me, but also from him and his feelings ... He is softer with me, he tries, I see ... And I want romance and a declaration of love, I want to feel real sincere love ...

Kapuchina

Kapuchina, I see how hard and painful it is for you now: the internal struggle (“I love him and want to continue the relationship” - “I can’t forgive the betrayal”) will continue until there is certainty both from the husband’s side and from yours (You should consider whether you can overcome his deceit and begin to trust him again). Answer honestly to yourself the question: you cannot leave your husband because of pity (“He is so bad now, and then - we have lived together for so many years, it’s a pity to lose all this”), because of the fear of loneliness and anxiety because of the prospect not find a new relationship because you love your husband, because of something else?

Mary, mixed feelings. I understand that for a long time I did not feel happiness next to him. I know that I am largely to blame myself and that we are very different. But I am inclined to believe that I love him (I began to look at him with different eyes and have been making concessions in my positions for a long time) and I am ready to forgive for the sake of saving the family and for the sake of our son. I have no hatred or malice towards him. I really want a new level of relationship, to receive more attention and care, to feel his love. I do not want this to be an artificially created relationship. It seems to me that he will not be able to try so hard ... Or maybe he can, but for this you just need to fall in love again. And this is impossible .. We don’t meet, but we live together, there’s no time for romance ... A child, everyday life ... He works very hard, wear out, in the evening he can sit down at the computer until late ... This unloads and distracts him. I think that in order to improve relations, we need joint leisure ... And it turns out that I should be the initiator ... I.e. I must work more on building our relationship ... This is doubly difficult, given the unhealed mental trauma ... And in the end, I don’t know what I can achieve with my efforts .. After all, his feelings for me have dulled ... It's all so individual ... Nobody knows what a person will feel tomorrow ... I'm still waiting for some miracle...

You see, I just don’t want to bother him with my efforts ... It seems that he should seek me .. But it turns out it’s the other way around ... And if I don’t do anything, in the sense of giving more care, warmth, attention, then everything will be as before , the same routine that I got sick of and he, too, 2 years ago ...

Kapuchina

Kapuchina, you write important things that should be discussed between you and your husband. Do you think it is possible to initiate such a sincere conversation?

Maria, I understand that we need to talk ... But these heart-to-heart talks strain him. In general, he always didn’t really like to talk a lot (in the sense that he’s not the type of man who doesn’t close his mouth all the time), he says that he tries not to think about all this, and I make him think and feel guilty ... It turns out that we must behave as if nothing had happened, but I won’t be able to do this without being sure of the reciprocity of feelings ... And each time I raise these spiritual topics, I kind of put pressure on him, probably thereby indicating some requirements ... And after all, he himself must WANT to do something, but he, as always, hid in a shell and was on his own mind ...

Kapuchina

Kapuchina, we talked about the impossibility for a husband to decide right now: he needs time to think everything over and make a decision. This is a big responsibility, because in fact he decides the fate of two families, so it is so difficult to come to an unambiguous answer. And against this background, the constant call for a frank conversation really looks like pressure, so each time you need to carefully choose the moment and not insist on talking too often (find a compromise between silence and constantly presenting your husband with a problem and your anxiety about this). You are right: he himself must want to move in this direction, but while he is in uncertainty, there will be no movement, and patience and faith in the best are needed to survive this difficult period.

Thank you Maria You understand, he seemed to have made a choice ... He does not call his mistress and does not go there ... She showed herself not from the best side, pestering me and thereby disappointing him ... Perhaps this strengthened him in his thoughts that he doesn’t want to be with her... It seems to me that if he had fallen in love, he would have left a long time ago... And so, she consoled him a lot, caressed him and became more than a friend during a crisis period in our family... Now she is still calmed down, shows pride ... He says that they do not see each other and do not call each other. I believe him. I understand that the only moment that torments him is the child. In our conversations, he spoke with tears in his eyes about his daughter ... And he assumed that she herself would probably forbid him to see her when I spoke about the impossibility of continuing the role of a father in 2 families ..

Kapuchina

Kapuchina, if you are right, and the child is really the only reason why the husband can continue to contact that woman, then it turns out that your desire to reach a new level of relationship with him ("... I want to receive more attention and care, feel it love") depends only on you and your husband. On the other hand, you are afraid that "falling in love again" is no longer possible, and here I see the main reason for your internal conflict now. Is that correct, or would you like to add something else?

Yes, Maria. These are my inner fears that I’m not good enough to be loved and praised ... I’m sure that there was no exaltation of my mistress either, I think she bestowed her love on him and was a good friend, consoled him and he accepted it, it was very comforting to his pride , at a moment when I did not perceive and criticized him ... (after all, everything started when I asked to live separately and admitted that my feelings had cooled down).
I just remember how we started dating 13 years ago .. He sought me out for a year, soared on the wings of love ...
I do not know what he is now capable of for me ... I see how he tries as a husband and father within the family. We have passionate sex again .. But for some reason I still lack something, perhaps a gleam in his eyes. After all, I rebooted over the past 2 years, I can say I fell in love with him again ... I just want to FEEL loved, this will allow me to completely forget everything and be happy ... He, as a man, is not romantic and not very insightful ...

Yesterday I was riding in a minibus and saw her standing with a child at a traffic light ... She didn’t see me .. At home during lunch, he again said that he hadn’t eaten, he hadn’t eaten well lately .. He also lost weight ... I asked , something torments you, is it bad at heart? She said that she saw her .. And if he needs to go there, let him go ... He asked again, they say I don’t mind? And then he said that he himself did not know if he needed and wanted to ... I asked him not to simply withdraw into himself and not close himself, if there were unfinished questions, you need to solve them ... She said that I did not want him to be with me, suffered ... I don’t know, maybe this is too much? I don’t recognize myself... I understand that it’s not worth going there anymore.. Should she stir her heart so that she becomes active again? And the meaning for the child from these meetings ... She does not need money ...

Family life is like a boat that constantly rocks on the waves. In clear weather, he swims proudly and straight, in storms he drowns and seeks salvation. Everything is the same in the family: sometimes calm, sometimes a storm - the golden mean rarely happens, especially when life is getting better after the betrayal of her husband.

Rushing to extremes, people themselves destroy that piece of happiness allotted to them in this world. Sometimes it is easier to accept and forgive than to declare war and bring down everything that has been created over the years. It is even worse when a woman develops depression after her husband's infidelity and her health and beauty begin to fade and fade more and more every day.

A devoted woman ceases to feel needed and complete, and this is not surprising, but all because every girl, getting married, is looking for a man who will take care of her and children, protect her and remain faithful to her. So what to do, how to live after the betrayal of her husband: to forgive her husband after the betrayal, how to love him, whether to believe him?

But what is cheating really?

According to psychologists, women and men have a different view of relationships on the side. A deceived woman, in order to calm down after her husband's infidelity, should look at this fact in much the same way as her husband.

Throughout life, all people change their views, tastes and priorities. As a result, certain positions of behavior and thinking are formed. But sometimes you want to add something new and interesting. For example, if a neighbor has an unusual, attractive dish, then you want to try it just to know the taste. This does not mean that a person changes his views completely, after a while he returns to his usual mode.

Or sometimes you want to diversify your diet with an exotic curiosity, but again, in order to compare it with the usual taste and understand why it is so attractive. In the same way, in treason, a person strives for an inaccessible object that beckons with its novelty, and after tasting, the dish can turn out to be much worse than usual life.

Most men cannot even formulate the reason for their act. Wives, trying to figure out how to get their husband back after infidelity, begin to get nervous and get sick.

Perhaps the simplest advice for them will be the following: look at what happened as a temporary insanity of a man when he achieves his goal. With such a mood, depression after the betrayal of her husband is unlikely to manifest itself, and life will slowly begin to improve.

Where does betrayal come from?

Everything is different about the fact of treason, but there are much fewer reasons why this happens.

Ordinary. The monotony of life becomes boring over time and you want something new and unusual, but only for a moment. Usually, after this, a man wants to return to his beloved nest, where he is loved and expected. He compares between what he has and what he does not receive.
Self-esteem check. A man should always feel like a winner. And when he loses the feeling of being in demand, he seeks to see how attractive he is in the eyes of other women.
Absence of feelings. Love, according to psychologists, does not last forever, then a habit appears. If the feelings do not receive constant nourishment, then the internal connection between people is interrupted, therefore, the attraction to the spouse may disappear, and the physiological needs will be satisfied with the help of other women.
Freedom. When a man marries, he begins to bear responsibility not only for himself, but for the whole family, which in itself is very difficult. And if quarrels constantly arise and a woman blames a man for all problems, then her husband just wants to get rid of this burden and breathe freely.

Dear ladies! To avoid quarrels with subsequent betrayal, you should control (although it is very difficult!) your words and emotions, not look for the guilty, try to jointly look for ways to solve problems. In this case, a man will not go to the left, but will do what he loves, which will allow him to relax and relieve the moral burden.

Relationships after cheating husband

How I would like constancy, but the family after the betrayal of her husband will no longer be the same. After what happened, even the most loving woman cannot get rid of the thought of betrayal. She becomes disgusted with a man, and even if the strength of feelings makes her forgive a misconduct, then with proximity, unpleasant thoughts arise again and again.

No antidepressants, sedatives, sleeping pills, and even more so alcohol, will not help here. If a man loves his wife, sincerely regrets and repents, then in order to save the family, a woman needs:

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, that's what makes it so painful. In the thoughts of women, it usually revolves: “How could he exchange me for this one, why am I worse?” And only then the question arises: “Why did he do it?”. Thus, self-winding occurs.
Do not blame at every quarrel. Women have such a property in scandals to recall all the past sins of their husband. But the more often this is remembered, the more painful it is for both of them, and sooner or later the constant feeling of guilt will not play for the better.
Be able to listen. Be sure to listen to the man, so that he does not say, and only then make the final decision. To understand what the unfortunate lover intends to do next and how he imagines a future life together.
Correctly distribute emotions. Public hysteria is highly undesirable. It is still worth expressing your feelings, since isolation in oneself develops depression and a lot of complexes. But this should be done in a quiet and peaceful conversation.

Or maybe a divorce and a new life?

Sometimes a woman still comes to the decision to file for divorce after her husband's infidelity. Is it correct? A new life after the betrayal of her husband, as it seems at first, is able to give joy and happiness. Alas, no one is immune from repeated deception, but with another man.

If what happened was a one-time hobby of the husband, then you should not worry. Pain and resentment will subside with time. If a person sincerely repents, then he will do everything so that the second does not happen again, so a divorce in this case would be a big mistake.

If betrayal acquires a permanent basis, then it is necessary to live after the betrayal of a husband with the hope of meeting a real feeling that is not capable of betrayal. No one advises also to start cheating, but only seriously think about divorce in order to try to find female happiness. Many women endure marriage as if because of children, but children see and understand everything, and suffer with you.

depression and inevitability

Most women, after infidelity, fall into a state where life takes on gray shades and color glimpses become less and less. How to get out of depression after cheating husband?

In order to avoid or quickly get rid of the already onset blues, you should:

Listening to your favorite music will allow you to comprehend everything and get a little distracted.
Get absorbed in work - when all thoughts are busy with deeds, then there will be no time left for sadness.
Communicate with friends - after all, they know all the tricks that can improve mood. Or at least just listen.
Increase self-esteem - in order not to hang your nose, you need to understand that life does not end, but only begins. You can do shopping, a new hairstyle, go on vacation, to each his own.

How to live after the betrayal of her husband, how to trust her husband after the betrayal? The main thing is to try to understand that revenge or self-flagellation will not lead to anything good. Life goes on and what it will be depends only on the inner mood of the woman. Be happy!

How to live after a husband's betrayal is one of the most popular queries on women's forums and psychological portals. Women deceived by their husbands feel crushed, devastated, betrayed, and their marriage - failed and unsuccessful. They seek help and support from relatives, friends, on the forums of psychological support for women, in churches, and in the worst cases, from fortune tellers. Everyone wants to know how her relationship with her husband will change now, why he did this and what she should do after her husband's betrayal.

How do relationships change after a cheating husband?

On the part of the husband after his betrayal, there may be a different reaction:

Some men feel guilty, feel ashamed and embarrassed for their behavior, they become ashamed of the pain caused to their wife. As a rule, the betrayals of such men are isolated and spontaneous, occur under the influence of the moment: I got into the company of women without moral principles and drank, for example. Husbands in this category are usually deeply remorseful for their actions. They are embarrassed not only in front of their wife, but also in front of themselves.
Some men tend to blame everything, including their own sexual uncleanliness, on women. These men are sexist. For them, a woman is the root of all troubles. They justify their behavior by psychological trauma received in childhood from a selfish mother, a sadistic teacher, a feminist classmate. It is impossible to build normal relations with them. They are sure - and their confidence is not based on anything other than their own conclusions or conclusions copied on anti-sexist portals - that there is an excuse for any male behavior, while women cannot be justified for any mistake.
Some men do not understand the underlying reasons for their actions. They continue to live as they lived, sometimes wondering why a woman makes a tragedy “out of nothing”. After all, he, her husband, loves her, and what happened is so, nonsense that does not deserve attention. This is neither good nor bad, just a man has an even, imperturbable character and has an inactive psyche.

If a woman pretends that nothing happened, or hides how painful her husband's betrayal hurt her, then their relationship is either restored, and the woman eventually really stops accepting her husband's betrayal painfully, or the husband believes that everything is fine, there are no negative consequences, and continues to look for sexual entertainment on the side. Here it is important to show exactly how the betrayal affected the mental state of the wife. It is advisable to convey this in a frank conversation, and not in the form of bouts of crying, tantrums, eyes full of suffering.

If a woman reminds her husband of his mistake at every opportunity, then normal relations in the family will not be restored; they will always be destroyed in a sustained conflict situation. And sooner or later the husband will leave for good.

The best option is to convey your feelings and experiences to your husband in a calm conversation without witnesses. It is also a good way to observe the reaction of the cheating husband and decide how he himself evaluates his act.

First of all, psychologists advise not to blame yourself for what happened, not to gnaw yourself and not to inflame spiritual wounds, sorting out cases of your being wrong and trying them on for possible reasons for your husband's infidelity. To distract a woman, it is recommended to take care of herself: get involved in sports, sign up for developmental courses (drawing, a foreign language, weaving - whatever), change her image, pay maximum attention to children.

A great way to change the environment and improve your mood is to choose a new interior for your home. if funds allow, then you can make repairs in the apartment or in the house. With limited funds, it is quite enough to update curtains, carpets, if the budget allows - furniture. Even a simple rearrangement of sofas, armchairs, tables will have a positive effect on mood. Any positive updates to the situation serve as an impetus for the restoration of psychological balance.
The next step is to forgive the husband. Even if he himself does not ask to forgive him, and the wife does not plan to continue family relations with him, you need to internally forgive him and “let go” of the situation. Yes, it is extremely unpleasant and painful for pride. But objectively speaking, no one suffered from this, which means that it is possible and necessary to forgive a man and forget the troubles associated with his promiscuous sexual behavior. The accumulated grievances corrode the soul, crowd out the ability to enjoy life, to enjoy it. Hidden grievances create an excellent background for the development of a total distrust of men or people in general. By the way, even medical scientists believe that one of the causes of tumor processes is the sorting out and re-living of old grievances.
The third step is the establishment of an ordinary life. A woman needs to be open to men. You can not be satisfied with the commonplace position "all men are goats" and "who needs me now." It is necessary - it is necessary for mental balance and nervous health - to live a full normal life: work, relax, go to the cinema, theaters, exhibitions, museums, sign up for a gym, take courses, go to lectures on self-development, to a poetry evening. A woman who adequately perceives the troubles in her life is much more likely to rebuild her personal life.

The Church strictly condemns adultery - this is the name of the sin of adultery in church language. The Church does not even consider divorce a sin in the event of adultery, if the initiator of the divorce was the one whom the spouse cheated on. But at the same time, divorce is not blessed.

The Church believes that the wife should pray for the prodigal husband and for the preservation of her family. This advice is suitable for church-going women who have already attended church and deeply believe in God. Prayer has a calming effect on them, their consciousness is cleared in the process of prayer, thoughts are structured.

The powerful psychotherapeutic effect of sincere prayer has been proven by many theologian researchers. Of course, this is the so-called placebo effect, because there is no reception in the form of prayer in psychotherapy. But this method works very well and gives excellent results. Women calm down, behave wisely with their husband and his passion (if the relationship between them continues), do not break down on the children, who suffer even more, probably because of the behavior of the father than the wife.

The Church calls for fasting or fulfilling any vow when turning to God for help in solving a serious problem. This is a good reorientation of the consciousness of a woman. Instead of irritating wounds and self-digging, a woman is busy with an important matter for her and is slowly healed spiritually.

What to do after the betrayal of her husband to a woman?

A woman just needs to live. To enjoy life and live without obsessing over ordinary, in general, troubles. Children, parents, friends, neighbors, colleagues are able to support in difficult times, but it is not necessary to devote them to the history of discord with her husband.

You need to think about where the betrayal came from, what to do to avoid cheating in these or other relationships. An analysis of your behavior and your husband's reaction to it will help you understand what led to the destruction of the relationship and how to avoid a similar situation in the future.

It is important to understand that the world has not collapsed, life has not ended, that there are many opportunities to arrange your personal life after your husband's betrayal. It is good to make new acquaintances at the place of new occupations. Therefore, it is best to choose a hobby that can potentially be of interest to men.

A good solution for healing spiritual wounds is to get a dog. A cute puppy or an adult dog devoted to the owner will warm the heart of the most reserved woman with their love and devotion. Regular walks in the fresh air will have a positive effect on the state of health, and the opportunity to make new acquaintances will increase significantly: dog owners can be generally uncommunicative, but they almost always exchange at least a couple of phrases with each other.

What can not be done after the betrayal of her husband?

You can’t blame yourself for everything and fall into a depressive state. Prolonged depression leads to a violation of health - physical and mental. A depressed woman cannot normally raise children, take care of her parents, work and run a household. She lives in her gray dreary world and every day plunges deeper into it. Running depressions are treated only with the involvement of psychotherapists.

You can’t harass your husband with constant questions about the causes and circumstances of infidelity and the demands of oaths and promises that this was the “last time.” Firstly, everything has already happened and there is no point in savoring dirty details, and secondly, torn oaths and promises are worth nothing, they are given by a man out of a desire to be left alone.

You can’t tell children about what kind of dad they have, “male” and “traitor”. Adultery concerns only spouses, it is extremely unpedagogical to involve children in the situation. You can not forbid children to see their father, and blackmail the father with children. Moreover, one should not bring children to the mistress of muda in order to shame her. The presence of children has nothing to do with the intimate life of parents.

You can not dedicate the details of the betrayal of her husband to strangers. In fact, the situation concerns only two - two and it is false to understand it. Involving outsiders in discussing the intimate life of a spouse is extremely incorrect.

You can’t categorically turn to grandmas, fortune-tellers, soothsayers to impose damage on a rival, a love spell to his wife, a lapel from another woman. This is not only the loss of considerable sums of money for dubious events, but also the destruction of the normal perception of the world. All "specialists" in the field of esotericism, divination, witchcraft, witchcraft are excellent psychologists. They are able to so overshadow the consciousness of a healthy adult that further life without their advice will seem impossible, wrong.

Cheating on a husband is tantamount to betrayal. It is better for a loving wife not to know about her husband's infidelity, but the time comes, the secret becomes a reality. It is impossible to describe the power of pain, despair, hopelessness that hit the spouse at the moment the secret was revealed. The feeling of a destroyed world, the unexpectedness of a blow lead to deep depression and an insoluble dilemma - how to live after a husband's betrayal? Invaluable advice from psychologists will help you return to life and make a decision about your future fate.

Cheating is different, it is impossible to judge the actions of her husband, to advise, without knowing the details, the family situation.

Married men go into relationships with women for various reasons:

one-time sex, the embodiment of sexual desires, lust;
fleeting passion, new sensations, fresh emotions, raising self-esteem;
falling in love / love, distinguished by the strength of feelings, the duration of the novel.

A one-time betrayal is easier to forgive, a spouse could be pushed by certain circumstances. Of course, this is not an excuse, but given the worldview and psychology of a man, this says a lot. Smart women know that men are natural hunters and conquerors, so the risk of infidelity exists all the time. Hope dies last, I want to believe that your spouse is not like that, but statistics are a stubborn thing.

Some husbands allow sex on the groan because of sexual incompatibility with their wife, protect her from their own passionate desires, afraid to humiliate them. He may not even remember the girl's face because he only saw the body. It is not easier for a wife from such “care”, but men have a special look at the situation, confidence in the correctness of the act. There is sex in a drunken state, if there is a pretty young lady nearby who wants to have fun, the chance of “continuing the story” alone is almost 100%. Having sobered up, the spouse can repent, avoid repeating the mistake he made.

The pursuit of new emotions is satisfied by constant "hunters" or spouses who have lived for decades in marriage. Monotony, well-established life, children, family troubles gradually tire, make you bored. The sudden appearance of an interesting pretty person knocks a married person off the right path, hormones of happiness work. He gets a second youth, a chance to change a stagnant, like a swamp, position, rejoices that someone else needs it. A large role is assigned to the lady, for the sake of which the man goes to constant betrayal. If he truly loves, he can leave the family, the love will last for some time, but the marriage is unlikely to destroy.

shocking news

Upon learning of the infidelity of a loved one, a woman receives a mental pain shock, to which she reacts in different ways. No matter how trite it may sound, but the first thing to do is to calm down, you can not make inadequate decisions. You should take a break, create conditions for loneliness, the ideal option is to leave to rest. It is categorically impossible to take revenge, deciding to have sex with the first person you meet. You need to turn on the mind and decide how to live after the betrayal of her husband.

There are two possible scenarios:

divorce;
forgive, save the family.

It is difficult to answer which woman is more difficult, childless or who has a long-term marriage behind her back, common children, and an established life. Wives who have been married for many years are more likely to forgive, especially for the sake of children. Young spouses often diverge due to infidelity, if the “foundation” of family relationships is initially weak, is it worth continuing.

Any option is difficult, but possible. It is worth making a decision soberly, without retreating from the chosen path. It is easier to save a family if the husband is an interested person, goes forward, tries to make amends. Calmly analyze why the spouse decided to change, perhaps you yourself became the impetus, correct the mistakes. Psychologists say that jealous spouses provoke their husbands to a “leftist” campaign, because they are tired of scandals and baseless reproaches.

When making a decision, connect your intuition, your inner voice. Feeling that you will never live as before, and it is impossible to forget betrayal, it is better not to “rape” the soul. An unhappy woman will not give happiness, especially to children, for whose sake she wants to keep her father within the walls of the house.

No need to be afraid of someone's condemnation, this is your life and only you have the right to write a script. There will always be people who will condemn, "teach" life, reproach for the stupidity of an act. Unfortunately, people want to talk, discuss, peck at someone. This is an uninterrupted system, you must isolate yourself.

Parting

For those who have made a deliberate decision to leave, psychologists advise to act like this:

Avoid allegations against you.
Do not analyze your mistress, looking for her superiority. You can not develop complexes in yourself.
You need to have self-respect, remember dignity. Do without communication and meetings with a homeowner.
It is important to part with friends, especially if you have children together. Now it is impossible to call a traitor a friend, but gradually the pain will pass, life will settle down. For the children, he will remain the best dad, inclinations against the father will subsequently have the opposite effect.
Engage in self-development. Sign up for aerobics, strip dancing, a fitness club, swimming. Sport helps to relieve mental pain, while simultaneously improving appearance and figure. A creative person should do what he loves, pouring out pain on paintings, paper, crafts. You can go to college, get another specialty, or sign up to study a foreign language. Any changes will bring enormous benefits.
Having met your ex-husband, avoid sharp reproaches, scandals, tears, memories. The decision was made, the divorce was finalized.

It is not necessary to rush with the design of the gap. Parting will bear fruit in any case. Left alone, you can quickly cure depression, otherwise a man every day with one look will cause mental pain. For a certain time of separation, you will definitely understand whether a betrayer is needed. The laws of fate work perfectly, people often break up, but real feelings bring couples together again, providing a second chance.

great forgiveness

You will have to forgive your husband unambiguously, otherwise the negative will “eat up” from the inside, worsen your health, make the woman embittered, weak.

You must achieve a sense of forgiveness in any way:

independent work;
with the help of close people who can listen and help;
contacting a psychologist.

A truly strong, wise woman can forgive her husband's infidelity and return happiness to the family. Some ladies are sure that forgiveness of betrayal is a lack of self-respect, a manifestation of weakness, a losing option. How many people, so many opinions, but a person must make decisions on his own, avoiding tips, advice, stories of "own" experience.

The exclusion of its repetition, the feeling of deja vu, will help to erase an unpleasant situation from memory forever. It is easier for some to forgive, exposing the spouse to certain limits, he obeys. A born ladies' man obviously will not become a resident of the "cage", so having a husband of this breed, you should think twice about continuing the marriage. Lovelace is easier to forgive once, letting go forever.

Effective advice from a psychologist to women who decide to forgive an unfaithful spouse and save their marriage:

Control emotions, do not allow tantrums, reproaches, insults. Feel that memories, thoughts and pain begin to choke, talk with a loved one, throw out the negative.
Listen to pleasant music more often, dance.
Remember, people are sinful creatures, they tend to make mistakes. Once you promised not to leave your loved one in difficult situations.
It is useful to splash out the pain on paper, then reread it. An effective method is the pronunciation of emotions on the recorder, followed by listening.
You can not sleep separately, avoid one blanket, refuse intimate relationships. A couple that has excluded sex is an unhappy couple, so if you want to save your family, restore harmony, sex must be present. You need to turn off the female fantasy, stop comparing yourself with “her”, not imagine your spouse in the arms of others.
Have more heartfelt conversations, show concern.
You can’t ask your husband about the details of infidelity, romance, dates. Avoid unnecessary emotional wounds.
Convince yourself that you are the best woman on earth.
Remember why you fell in love with your spouse, how he was at the beginning, appreciate it. Try to give him what he was looking for outside the home (if it's more than one-time sex).

If the spouse repented of the retreat, does not repeat the mistakes, and the wife was able to sincerely forget the offense, the married couple will definitely reach a new, strong level of relationship. Psychologists say that the complete reconciliation of spouses requires 3-5 emotional conversations. Forget the fact of treason will turn out in 2-3 years.

Ban

When treason "knocked", it is absolutely impossible to do the following:

Humble yourself, grab your husband by the legs, beg him to leave his mistress, stay. To justify stupidity with the phrase "In war, all methods are good" is another stupidity. You start cutting veins, hang yourself, and so on, achieve the opposite effect - the husband will leave, even if he was not going to do this.
Look for contacts with a mistress. The woman who arrives first admits defeat. No need to make appointments, threaten, dissolve hands, scandal. Remember, she did not rape your husband, he is solely to blame.
Arrange surveillance, especially when deciding to save the family. Confirmation of distrust will lead to scandals, delaying reconciliation.
Settling scores with life, waiting for universal pity. Cheating is common, your story is hardly unique.

In the end, I would like to give sad statistics, stating that 99 men out of 100 can change, 75 have changed at least once, 50 consider this to be quite normal. It is difficult to resist male nature.