Nutrition and diets 

Mother's Day: what mothers of large families are talking about. Maternal discoveries. The story of a mother of many children. The best toy is the new brother

Correspondents of the newspaper visited two large families - Sorokins Raisa Ivanovna and Viktor Vladimirovich and Stanko Albina Ilyinichna and Alexei Dmitrievich. What unites them? Love and fidelity, mutual understanding and a high sense of responsibility, many years of conscientious work, and most importantly, strong, friendly families.

Raisa Ivanovna Sorokina, mother-heroine, who gave birth and raised five wonderful daughters, was awarded the medal of motherhood of the 2nd degree. She herself grew up in a large family with five children, she always dreamed of her own large family: “What kind of family is this, where there is only one child!” Having met with Viktor Vladimirovich, who from the first days of their acquaintance became her hope and support in everything, Raisa Ivanovna decided: he is for her the very one and only, with whom she will go through life together.

In 1967, the Sorokins moved to Stepnoe from the Dergachevsky district. At first they lived in a trailer, then they moved to a two-room apartment, soon changing it to a four-room apartment. And 30 years ago, the family settled in a house on Naberezhnaya Street.

Parental home ... How many wonderful songs and poems have been written about him! This is the “beginning of all beginnings”, “family pier”, a place where you are always expected, glad to see where all your relatives gather. It would seem that only yesterday the house was noisy and cheerful from children's voices. Mom went to work very early (she worked as a milkmaid in agriculture), dad worked for many years in the UGSF. The Sorokins always kept a large household - everyone had time, worked conscientiously, raised children who, as expected in a large family, watched each other, helped, the elders looked after the younger ones.

- The time has flown by unnoticed - next year we will celebrate the golden wedding. And as if only yesterday we met, - Raisa Ivanovna smiles. - Of course, it was hard to raise children, but we did not cry - we never asked anyone for anything, we worked, we fed our children, and in the difficult years of perestroika we survived thanks to subsidiary farming. We tried to make sure that the children had everything they needed. And our daughters did not let us down, they helped with the housework.

Now the grandchildren are delighting - the Sorokins have eleven of them! The eldest granddaughter is 24 years old, and the youngest granddaughter Albert was born quite recently; three great-grandchildren are also growing up - Arisha, Miroslava and Artemy.

It's fun when the whole large family gathers in the house! "Do not get tired of the noise and din?" - we ask Raisa Ivanovna and Viktor Vladimirovich, and in response we hear that they get tired sooner from the silence in the house.

“You feel young when you need it, when you need my help. We are very glad that for many years our youngest daughter Katyusha and her children lived with us, - says Raisa Ivanovna. “The whole day around them without getting tired. Now four-year-old Yegorka often comes to visit us. After all, he grew up in our house, he feels like a real master here - he is engaged in gardening with his grandfather, he loves to do men's work.

Raisa Ivanovna and Viktor Vladimirovich can talk for hours about their children and grandchildren, thanks to their daughters for sincerity and kindness, attention and care.

How many sleepless nights, experiences, waiting for the birth of long-awaited children! “What is it like being a mother of five girls?” - we ask Raisa Ivanovna.

- The most important thing is to listen, understand, accept their decision. Even if you do not always agree, but this is their chosen path, their decision! And you, a mother, should support and bless. She never interfered in their personal affairs, and was always on their side, - shares the secrets of education Raisa Ivanovna, who for her daughters is like a friend who can be trusted with the most intimate. - As for the material component, I want to say that when it was difficult with children's things, relatives living in Belarus helped. Sometimes my husband and I went shopping there. The girls grew up to be good housewives, there was no time to teach and introduce them to housekeeping, so they learned the basics together when they did household chores together. The girls also studied on their own and very successfully - after all, I was constantly at work, and I couldn’t help much, I had only 5 years of education behind me.

Our mom is the best in the world! We are eternally grateful to her for her love and kindness, for her kindness and understanding. She is an example for us in everything, we learn from her to be kind to others, to help everyone, because good always comes back. Thanks to my mother, we are friendly, we always help each other, we are always together. We take an example from our mother, she always appreciated and appreciates human qualities, she puts spirituality above the material, - this is how children say about their mother.

The Sorokins had known the Stanko family for a long time: Raisa and Albina worked as milkmaids on the same farm, and thanks to Nadezhda and Lyudmila, they became related twice - the Sorokins' daughters married the brothers Alexei and Dmitry.

The mother of the children, Albina Ilyinichna, calls herself the happiest woman in the world. Together with their beloved husband Alexei Dmitrievich, they have been living in peace and harmony for more than 50 years, they raised four children. Today they are pleased with seven grandchildren, two great-grandchildren are growing up.

Albina Ilyinichna recalls her childhood years, her family (and she was brought up in a large family), work as a milkmaid from the age of 15. She met her future husband Alexei in the Krasnopartizansky district, where she came to work from her native Chuvashia. She was waiting for him from the army already with her little daughter. I was never afraid of difficulties and work. In the Soviet district, where the family moved, they worked on a collective farm, they were hired by Pyotr Yegorovich Yurkov.

“At first, the Pugachev family with many children sheltered us and the children,” Albina Ilyinichna recalls with gratitude. - It was cramped, but, as they say, in cramped conditions, but not offended. Then we were settled in an adobe hut on a farm, the room was heated with coal and dung. Later, the collective farm built a house for us on Pionerskaya Street, where it was impossible to get through - not to drive through in bad weather. And when my sister left Stepnoye, we moved to Kolkhoznye Cheryomushki on Yubileynaya Street, where we really like it. How did our children grow up? They were brought up in strictness, they didn’t have to indulge, and there weren’t any special temptations. We always worked hard, and the children understood us, helped around the house, the elders looked after the younger ones. And so they lived - in labor and care.

What a joy it is for parents - wonderful caring children!

We are proud of our children and grandchildren. Great-grandchildren are growing up. It is a great happiness when children live nearby, they can often visit and help. Recently, the guys repaired the roof of the utility yard, doing everything necessary for easy snow removal. How much kindness and participation we feel from children and grandchildren! I have a lot of crafts from my grandchildren. This tree of happiness from Lenochka's granddaughter is a gift for Mother's Day. Our children and grandchildren are the most important happiness on earth, - continues Albina Ilyinichna, speaking warmly about her matchmakers, thanking them for raising their daughters, who have become their relatives and closest ones.

- We want to bow low to our dear and beloved mother, confess our love to her and say that she is the best with us. We owe all the best in us to our mother, kind, attentive and fair. She is friendly, very kind, loves when the whole family gathers in the house. We are grateful to our parents for their upbringing and love, for us their relationship has always been a good example, and the word of the father is law. We owe everything good in us only to our parents, for which we thank them very much, - this is how the children of Albina Ilyinichna and Alexei Dmitrievich speak warmly about their parents.

On Mother's Day, Raisa Ivanovna and Albina Ilyinichna will receive congratulations from their children and grandchildren, words of gratitude will be heard to the dearest and best mothers in the world. Our editorial team joins the words of congratulations on the holiday. Be healthy and happy!

If you notice an error, select a piece of text and press Ctrl + Enter

The idea of ​​the project appeared in 2008, when I worked at a school as a teacher of Russian language and literature, moonlighting as a tutor. A year before, the Unified State Examination was introduced as a mandatory exam, and while I was preparing 11th graders for it, I accumulated a lot of materials that I wanted to use somehow, to make something like a remote simulator that would help each student test himself.

It was clear that the model used for adult learning - self-study materials and tests - was not suitable for schoolchildren. Few can be forced to leave VKontakte for this. There was a need for live communication with teachers - either individually or in small groups online.

I found like-minded people, and one of them - a teacher of chemistry and biology Vladimir Kuzmin - became a co-founder of the project. We began to select tutors who are ready to conduct online lessons, as well as develop training in the form of a "webinar + distance course". After the webinar, the student can enter the course and repeat something, complete tasks. We entered the market with the first courses, where a virtual office or Skype was used, at the beginning of 2010.


When I had one Daughter I felt like I was missing time no matter what, although I constantly worn somewhere: a walk, then a lesson

First, they worked under my individual entrepreneur for tutoring, and then they registered an LLC, in which I became the general director and co-owner. Our turnover for the main service - the search for online tutors - is now 150,000-200,000 rubles per month (lower in summer). We also organize group webinars, open lessons, develop distance learning courses for partner companies. The payback point has not yet been overcome, because we spend everything we earn on development, and I still earn my living by tutoring.

We have three managers and three programmers on staff, and we work with teachers under an offer agreement. For an order found through Dist Tutor, the tutor pays us an amount slightly less than the cost of two classes. The rate of Moscow and St. Petersburg tutors, as a rule, is from 1,000 rubles per hour, but it is more profitable to work with teachers from other regions: they ask from 250 rubles per hour.

During pregnancy
I worked hard. I went to bed at two or three in the morning, got up at eight

A family

At first my husband did not even pay attention to what I was doing there, but when he realized that it takes a lot of time, both he and his eldest daughter Anya became dissatisfied. They began to say that I was doing nonsense. This attitude changed after my trip to Silicon Valley, where I was invited in 2010 after studying at the Kre@tovo summer business school.

The most difficult period in business was before the advent of Vera, who was born in October 2011. During my pregnancy, I worked a lot - both on the project and at school. I went to bed at two or three in the morning, got up at eight. After the birth, she planned to take a nanny. But then, after leaving school, I realized that I could do without it. I am almost always at home or nearby. I leave only when there are negotiations or events, then the children go for a walk with their husband or their grandmother comes.

A significant plus is that my children have a big age difference. With little weather to do something else, perhaps, it is impossible. And my eldest daughter Anya, for example, is practically an adviser in general: I often ask her whether it is worth developing such and such a direction, arranging such and such an action. She is the author of the idea of ​​the project "Children teach children", when older students remotely study with younger ones.

From the very first days, the youngest daughter helped me to continue my business life, but also not to forget that I am a mother. At her three months, we first went to the Startup Women meeting - she slept in a sling bag, and people around noticed that I was not alone, only when she woke up and informed me that it was time to eat. With the advent of the second daughter, time became more, and the third - even more. Maybe because they spend a lot of time with each other.

Business

When there are many children in the house, there are enough reasons for celebrations: someone successfully performed with a concert, won the Olympiad or won a chess tournament. On such occasions, I always tried to find time and prepare a themed cake or a complex dessert that would impress the hero of the occasion. But the youngest son was allergic to almost all sweets. Having accidentally got to the master class of a French confectioner, I tried to cook marmalade from natural fruit juices and purees according to his recipe. None of the children had an allergic reaction to it, and in general we all liked this marmalade so much that I began to look in Moscow for professional workshops on making handmade sweets and continued experimenting with chocolate.

My sweets, for which I tried to use the best ingredients, were liked not only by children, but also by friends: at some point, they began to offer me to open a chocolate boutique. And I, while still on maternity leave with a younger child, decided to try it. Firstly, making sweets was incredibly fascinated by me. Secondly, I always wanted to bring joy to people with my work. In my previous job - as the financial director of a large construction company - this feeling was very lacking.


To, having three children, start a business, you need this really want because basically it is
things to do for life

I found an international chocolatier school in Vancouver where I could learn chocolate skills remotely. She completed a course of study, passed all the exams and received a diploma giving her the right to work in chocolate boutiques in Europe, America and Canada. After that, I wrote letters to all European chocolatiers known to me with a request to accept me for practice. Many responded positively. I studied in France, Italy and Belgium.

I had some savings - 300,000-400,000 rubles, with which I could start: for a nominal fee, I rented a small workshop from friends, bought equipment, racks, refrigerators and hired one confectioner. Now there are already three of them, and there is also a development manager, a lawyer and an accountant.

Since we make almost all the sweets by hand, labor productivity is low. The ingredients are expensive, we buy French chocolate, cream, butter, various candied fruits, packaging and much more we also bring from Europe, because, unfortunately, there is no stable high quality in Russia yet. A box of 16 sweets ends up costing 1,000 rubles.

Revenue from month to month differs significantly: in December, February and March, we earned 1.5-2 million rubles a month, and in January, for example, 100,000 rubles. So far, we are very dependent on seasonal demand for the holidays and on the purchases of our partners (for example, restaurants). In autumn, we plan to open a full-fledged online store, as well as a chocolate and confectionery studio La Princesse Choco.

My business- another
very small child,
so while you need it
wear on the hands

A family

We started working at the end of 2011, when our youngest son Volodya was almost four years old, Maria - seven years old, Anastasia - 15. Unfortunately, we do not have such happiness as grandmothers. Therefore, my husband and I solve all the problems of raising children ourselves. When I have to leave, my father or nanny stays with the children, sometimes my sister from St. Petersburg comes.

On weekdays, most of the worries are on me. I get up at 6:30 and cook porridge for everyone, then my husband takes the girls to school, and a little later I take the youngest to kindergarten and go to work. In the afternoon with the younger children, the nanny takes them to creative classes and sports sections. In the evening I feed everyone dinner, read books and put them to bed.

The husband, who is also in business, rarely comes home before the children are asleep. The biggest problem is when one of the children gets sick. I need to be with him (or with them, because the three children often get sick together), which, of course, slows down the business.

What if I had one child? Perhaps my efficiency would be three times higher. But children are my biggest critics, like-minded people and inspirations at the same time. In search of natural sweets just for them, I came up with the idea of ​​​​creating my own chocolate atelier. By the way, children appreciate your time and attention more when you are doing something else besides housework.

I tell my children: consider that my business is another child, still very small, so it must be carried on the handles. At two years old, the child is already more independent, and at five years old, if a lot of time and effort has been invested in him, he is already developing correctly. It's the same with business. I think it’s wrong to take a nanny to a one-year-old child: he won’t tell you anything, everything must be controlled. And hiring someone to manage your business, which is not built yet, is useless.

Business

When the Kidsreview.ru project was born, our family had two eight-year-old children - from the first marriages of me and my husband, and I was pregnant with our common son. The idea appeared earlier, but before this pregnancy there was not enough courage and time to implement it.

For several years I worked as a marketer in IT companies, and after getting married a second time four years ago, I decided to leave my job to do something of my own. I quit shortly before my pregnancy.

As a mother, I was always worried about the topic of leisure with children, but there was not enough time to read about it on the forums or discuss it on the site. I wanted to create a resource where there would be the most objective and conveniently presented information about everything related to children. The basis of the resource is a directory of companies that provide services for families with children (private kindergartens, for example).

We write all articles there ourselves, carefully checking the data. In addition to the guide, there is a poster for families (it is broadcast by Yandex) and an online magazine. We don’t have articles with advice like “when to stop breastfeeding”. This is probably why 40% of the audience of our project are men.

One of major goals of my project - to increase the level tolerance societies
to people with kids

Money was needed to prepare and launch, and neither I nor my husband had a job, who was tired of working in the tanker fleet and left there. We sold one of the two apartments in St. Petersburg, borrowed something. Part of the funds was invested by Vasily Filippov from Yandex, my former boss. My husband, who initially believed in me and in the project, became responsible for finances and relations with partners. The site went live in June 2010, two days before the birth of their youngest son. By this time, about half a million rubles had been invested in the project.

We didn't have an office for a long time, but now we do - mainly because we sell tickets for family events. In addition to the site, there is a mobile application. So far, we are not making money, because we are trying to sell something that most advertisers do not understand. Our revenue can be either zero rubles per month, or 600,000 rubles. But I am sure that this kind of marketing on the Internet is the future.

From time to time we hold events: for example, on June 1, for the third time, we organized an exhibition-quest in St. Petersburg, where each company not only makes a stand, but comes up with tasks for children visitors of different ages. For the first time, in seven hours of work, 3,000 people came to us, the second time - about 7,000, the third time, when the event was outside the city - 3,500.

One of the goals of the project is to increase the level of society's tolerance for people with children. Now we have much more places and events for families with children than 10 years ago, but still much less than in Europe. There are very few events where it is interesting for both very young and schoolchildren. Theaters for the summer, when schoolchildren have holidays, are closed.

We have somehow become accustomed to the fact that a story about a family, especially a large one, is a ceremonial portrait (and sometimes a popular print), in which all the advantages are emphasized and the shortcomings are smoothed out. It should be full of useful advice on the relationship between husband and wife and unsurpassed life hacks for raising miracle children - obedient, smart and talented in every way.

For some reason, not a single expensive editorial office doubts that those with many children who have been mentioned in the press are creatures of another world sent to the sinful earth to correct everything that is wrong and improve everything that is bad. Successful business women, actresses and writers, and at the same time wonderful wives and loving mothers, who got oligarchs and businessmen who are not devoid of a creative streak as husbands - this is a summary of these wonderful tales.

I am not saying that we are being deceived. I perfectly understand where the legs grow from. We are presented with this fairy tale not because those with many children want to hide some terrible secret from the world and society. This happens because it is easier and more pleasant to remember the good things, and the bad things are quickly forgotten. And since there is more and more bad things in our sinful world, protective mechanisms work in an accelerated mode. I also find it difficult to recall certain events in my life. But today I will still try to reveal the whole truth. I offer you a story about my own family - honest and without embellishment. Well, just a little bit. But I promise to curb fantasy and imagination.

A quarter of a century in search of myself

So, our family will soon be 25. We are the same age as the collapse of the Union, or rather, our firstborn: our pioneer was born exactly on December 2. And my husband and I are still Soviet children who have gone the banal path from an ordinary school to a university, which we graduated almost at the same time, but I managed to “spread out”, but my husband had to look for a job on his own. It so happened that the beginning of family life coincided not only with the search for work and housing, but also with the youthful search for the meaning of life and truth. Therefore, we also found God together and gradually entered the thousand-year history of Russian Orthodoxy with our little Church.

On this path, the most global discoveries awaited us. The attitude towards children, towards women and men, towards the role of God and man in the family is very peculiar in Orthodoxy, especially in its Russian version. We learned with interest about the most simple and clear things like “Let the wife be afraid of her husband” and vigorously discussed this among ourselves and with friends - as young in every respect as we are. The discovery about Eve's guilt in the fall was especially offensive for the female half of our company. It always seemed to me that in any bad deed, both are to blame ...

Under the sign of love (or was it not a very skillful attempt to understand each other?) All our quarrels and showdowns took place. I can’t say that my husband and I fought so often, but it happened, and the less often, the more grandiose. Probably, everyone expects confessions from an ideal family like “we never raised our voices at each other”, but our family is not ideal. We scream. Sometimes. Still. Once, in a fit of anger - and here only the remoteness of events justifies me - I even broke a plastic cup on my husband's head. It's good that it was empty (not a head, but a cup, of course). I hope this recognition will not force anyone to repeat my feat. Because I'm not proud of it at all. I'm ashamed. But at that particular moment, I really felt better. And the husband, we must give him his due, passed this test with honor. He showed angelic patience and showed a real masculine character. And when I hear that a wife should always give in, humble herself and repent, for some reason I feel not very good. Because I know it's not true. In family life, both spouses periodically have to do this, otherwise nothing will come of it.

Obedience is not a burden, but a relief

It is impossible to be holy all the time. It is impossible not to make sudden movements. It is impossible to be perfect, even if you try very hard, even if you really want to. Yes, we are called to strive for excellence. But everyone in life has moments that are unpleasant and embarrassing to remember. It is these moments that change us, give us the opportunity to grow above ourselves. In a sense, our mistakes are better than our doing the right thing. Because mistakes are impossible not to notice, and a good deed looks just normal, ordinary, you won’t learn anything from it. And if at no time in your life have you allowed yourself to go beyond your usual behavior, you will not see your shortcomings. I remember someone compared our soul to a swamp: it is covered with green grass, in some places cranberries turn red on bumps - nonsense, but art about it stumbles, as a fetid slush rises from within and drags you to the depths. It is useful to stumble if you want to see, realize and fight with that same goo inside yourself.

Yes, “let the wife be afraid,” but not because she will get it on the forehead for it. If you do not get out of obedience to your husband, you will not be able to understand that obedience is not a burden, but a relief. When the husband takes full responsibility for the family and for what happens in it and to it, this is a wonderful state of serenity for the wife and mother. We, women, already carry an incredible amount of all sorts of worries, so why take care also of what so reasonably fell not on your shoulders? Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not the head of our family, that I am not the one who makes important decisions, I am not the one who resolves financial and other problems. And I listen to my husband with pleasure. And if sometimes I don’t listen, then the consequences are, as a rule, sad - everything will definitely go awry, no matter how wonderful I come up with. I do not know why. But here is my personal experience. Today I trust my husband. I obey him - in any case, I try, although sometimes I really want to do it my own way. We consult, we discuss everything, but we do not always come to a consensus, and one person must make a choice and put an end to it. And it's good when it's not me.

I am often told that I am very calm. It's not from nature. In fact, I am a southern and hot-tempered person. But life in a large family taught me not to pay attention to trifles, not to get hung up on the secondary, not to make a tragedy out of working moments. We have lived almost a quarter of a century together, and it doesn't always work out smoothly. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. Sometimes fatigue and irritation roll in, sometimes apathy and melancholy. Sometimes there comes a real crisis of the love genre, sometimes passion. There are days when everything falls apart. But everything can be experienced, except death. When I think about these words, I realize that this is the truth about us. A person can really experience a lot of terrible and rude, sad and terrible, disturbing and painful. Our whole life consists of periods of overcoming all sorts of troubles of various sizes.

Joy and love - anxiety and worry

We have six children, and each child brings not only additional joy and love, but also additional anxiety and worry. I would not like to admit it, but more than once I was on the verge of despair from grief, more than once I grumbled: “Why should I experience all this again, why exactly my child received burns of the 2nd and 3rd degrees and needs a skin transplant, why my little daughter has poisoning and dehydration, why did my son need to stitch up a penetrating wound, and the doctor refused, why is my daughter undergoing surgery after a complex fracture, and after her a whole “epidemic” of fractures broke out in the family? .. "And these black nights in the hospital, hateful dressings, gray-gray days and bleak, dull dawns when your child is sick? No mother can be an “iron felix” and never panic, cry, or want: let it not be with me, not with us! And - it would be better not to give birth!

If we talk about diseases, then what have we not experienced on ourselves, including PEP, mononucleosis, Gilbert's syndrome and thyroiditis! .. A large family means big risks. In an ordinary family, the child caught the virus, got sick and forgot. And we have these same viruses settle seriously and for a long time. And do not tell me about the prevention of the healthy and the isolation of the sick. Of prevention, only hardening works, and even then until the first serious sore. And isolating a loving baby from his comrades is practically a task at the level of special services: he seeps into any gap, rushes into any room not covered by the virus. Because it is during the period of illness that he suddenly realizes how much he needs relatives and friends - those whom he did not give a damn about in an ordinary painless life.

Large families = poor and disadvantaged?

By the way, this is a fairly common case: an ordinary non-star family with many children is still in the eyes of our society a dysfunctional, needy and poor family. You will be very surprised, but, in fact, we receive benefits not for large families, but depending on the degree of “poor income”, that is, every time the state needs to prove that, no matter how much dad earns, your family does not have enough.

This also applies to housing. It's not easy to get a free large apartment. Personally, we bought our three-ruble note. At a discounted price, like those with many children, but not for free: I had to sell my kopeck piece, purchased by "share participation", that is, paid by us (and our parents) during the construction of the house in installments. It's good that this money was enough. We were lucky, in layman's terms (I prefer to say that this is how the Lord directed it): it was during this period that the price of buying a home rose, and we had a fixed price for a new apartment. So the “price scissors” played into our hands. But by that time there were already four children, and I was waiting for the fifth. Three rubles - this was again not a solution to the problem, but a small delay. We no longer expected any benefits or assistance from the state.

And as a result, we came to the conclusion that, with God's help, we can only hope for ourselves. "Don't trust in princes and in the sons of men." And as soon as this was decided, they began to build a large spacious house. There were already five children then. We immediately planned a separate room for each. And again they missed - soon another daughter was born. Then I clearly understood that it was impossible to plan in our family. Yes, and it is not necessary. No matter how hard we tried to predict the course of events in advance and insure ourselves, reality brought surprises and ruined all our wonderful plans. We survived and experienced all the delights of the 1990s, defaults and crises, and more than once. My husband took on everything, including soldering callers and installing intercoms, lost and found work, but there was never really big money. More precisely, incomes grew, but not as fast as our cheerful family. Interestingly, this did not cause discouragement or a desire to “stop breeding poverty.” This caused excitement and a desire to overcome difficulties together.

And then my husband and I decided that we need to live only for today and find joy in the little things. Let us not have the opportunity to wave the whole family to the Canary Islands, but we can go on weekends to nature. Beauty is everywhere to be found. New impressions do not always depend on the amount of money invested in the event. Although the latter increase the possibilities, I do not argue here. But you can not build a family solely on material wealth. Now older children remember the hungry and cold (in every sense) 1990s of their childhood as the happiest time: we traveled by bus to Arkhangelskoye and by metro to the Kremlin, we rode down the mountains on old heavy sleds and ironed landings on wooden skis, we burned fires in the nearest forest and lived in a real village. It wasn't just fun. It was wonderful about right!

Forever teenage riots

Having many children, among other things, is a constant movement, constant growth, constant change. And constant uncertainty, yes. Uncertainty about the future. Just say to yourself: this is happiness! As soon as you try to stop the moment, everything changes, everything multiplies and divides, breaks up into parts and details. Everything seems to be repeated, but in different interiors and in a different composition. And it evokes a completely different feeling. Having many children confirms the thesis about the variability of this world, about the impossibility of entering the same river. Now my husband and I remember with nostalgia the insanely difficult, but also unusually wonderful times when we were young, the children were small, and their trees were big.

Now even the youngest son is taller than me, and teenage riots have been “sausaging” our family for the past ten (!) years almost continuously. In an ordinary family, this natural disaster is experienced acutely, but quickly. In our - "pleasure" drags on to indecent. I will not be original if I recall one old truth: do not expect gratitude from children, then you will not have to be disappointed and suffer. No matter how good parents you are, children will always find something to reproach you for. And that's okay. Remember yourself. Surely you, too, rebelled against parental authority, and at that moment it seemed to you the most fair.

As one mother said: “I tried very hard to be perfect, but ... My son has something to tell the therapist!” Or maybe it's because she tried so hard?

So, we never let children sit on our necks, even if the children themselves did not like it very much, even if it seemed to them that we were not fulfilling our parental duty correctly.

In adolescence, it is generally very difficult to please children. Parents and teachers are the main enemies of a teenager. Sometimes it seems to us blasphemy, rudeness and betrayal of such behavior of a son (or daughter), but our children inexorably and decisively break out from under our care, from under our love, and sometimes they do it rather rudely and ruthlessly. Our love crushes their freedom, it strangles them in its arms. And we have no choice but to let go. But how do you not want your child to “plunge” into something unpleasant: fell under the influence of a dishonest manipulator, got in touch with a bad company, heaped up unsightly things. It seems to us that we can still influence the course of events, but this is an illusion. Everything you give to your child, he has already received. Now it's his turn and his choice.

About self pity

I really hope that all of them will return to us sooner or later, but at the very moment of the transition it does not seem so. At this moment, you think that you blundered something, made a mistake somewhere, missed something. In place of the departed child, such a terrible black hole gapes that you involuntarily think: why did all this happen? All these inevitable sacrifices, all this painful lack of sleep, all these pregnancies and births? Yes, yes, that's exactly what you think - in the most bitterness. And you understand that you are ready to call it black ingratitude, disgusting and something worse, but you can’t find strong enough words. So you raised this child and hoped that over time he would be your support and help, and at best he remains with you on good terms and builds his own family. And at worst? He builds his family and does not remember you. And in the worst case, he remembers with an unkind word.

And all these quarter of a century, all your bright youth, you denied yourself something, you never belonged to yourself, you never experienced healing loneliness for a minute. You were on your guard all the time, ready to lend a shoulder in time, support, heal, teach and regret. To regret... It becomes a pity for myself, it is a pity to tears.

But here's what I'll say - not in my own defense and not to console anyone. We are really not ideal parents, but it was to us that the Lord handed these very children, it is we who are for them those parents who can give them the necessary portion of love and freedom. Having released two older ones into independent life, I already have the right to say this. And if you, like me sometimes, it seems that you didn’t give something to your child, then most likely you gave him too much, which is why he wants more and more.

Today I am sure of only one thing: we can give our children exactly as much as we have. We cannot provide each of the six with a lot of money, but we can help them find their place in life. We cannot give everyone all our love, but only the portion that remains for him, if divided among all. Yes, this is not so much at first glance, but it must be taken into account that the same simple law operates in large families as in small ones: the love given is multiplied, and if everyone multiplies his portion by at least two and passes it on to a neighbor, then the result might impress the most despondent mathematician.

We have nothing to be proud of. I do not like to hear: what good fellows you are, that you have given birth to so many children. But I do not like to hear the opposite: why gave birth? This is such a personal matter that it is completely independent of either the approval or the condemnation of others. As my mother joked in the famous film about large families “Cheaper in Wholesale”: “After the sixth, we just accelerated!”

Yes, we have six children. Because we liked it, because we wanted it, because for us it was a full-fledged family life. I have no rational explanation. I have no recipes: how to want or not want. I think that at the moment of conception, two are included in some kind of heavenly program, which is responsible for the consequences. I don't lay my burden on the shoulders of heaven. I am talking about the fact that in this delicate matter we are creators, co-workers of God. And here everything depends not so much on material security, but on boldness and pressure. And out of love, of course.

And if this self-portrait lacks colors and details, then I leave you the opportunity to finish it. But let it still not be perfect, let it be vital - with all the failures, failures, doubts and mistakes. But let there still be truth in it: the joy of new lives, trust in God, sensitivity, forgiveness and love. Because all this is in our life, and because we are grateful to each other for our life and would not want another for ourselves.

Designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana stage a show dedicated to mothers in Milan; secular girls show off on social networks with pregnant bellies and cozy family photos, rather than revealing outfits and diamonds; celebrities, albeit not always without scandal (remember, for example, the actor Yevgeny Tsyganov), are expecting the birth of their fifth, sixth, seventh child ... Talking about children as a fashion trend is generally strange, but for a year now the hashtag has been walking victoriously on Instagram #childrenthisnewblack.

In mid-summer, the United Russia party announced the creation of a flag-symbol of a real family. The reason for this, however, was opposition to the gay parade, but the parents depicted on the banner with three children clearly demonstrated what kind of social unit politicians are cultivating. On the one hand, the Russians themselves do not mind. According to eDarling, a dating service for creating a family, for the past five years our country has been one of the leading places in Europe in terms of the desire of residents to have children, and no crises affect these dreams. On the other hand, there is a small reservation: one, maximum two children. A VTsIOM public opinion poll in 2014 confirmed that only 1% of Russians believe that it is necessary to have three or more children to be happy, 53% agree on two.

The format of a large family among our compatriots often causes pity, fear, and sometimes even reproaches against "unorganized" parents who neglect modern methods of planning and contraception. Another thing is striking: large families in society are associated either with a very low social status, or, on the contrary, with excessive wealth. “I wish they didn’t give birth” - this is what they usually say about the stars and their numerous offspring.

Sociologists note that sincere surprise with which Russians perceive large families is quite natural for modern life. In the current economic situation, spouses are increasingly coming to the conclusion that they must ensure a decent development for one child and build a career, and children often become an obstacle to both the first and the second.

Many children - is it a nightmare or happiness? Of course, there is no objective answer, although many of us would like to have one. How to find time for yourself and personal interests if your family has outgrown the usual framework of the “3+” format? Is it possible in the turmoil of affairs to find an individual approach to each child and your own husband and just become a pleasant role model? The truth is first-hand - in revelations without embellishment from three mothers of large families.

Evgenia Avramchik

Moscow, 35 years old, five children

My husband and I grew up in Orthodox families. Faith was passed on to us from our mothers, who even in Soviet times found the courage not to give up their beliefs. I remember that at the beginning of our acquaintance I was very surprised that a young man had a service for a large number of people at home. And for him it was quite natural - her husband has six sisters and one brother, and he himself always wanted to have a big family.

In 17 years of marriage, we had three daughters and two sons. Indirectly, I was ready for children - I was the eldest child in the family: I have a brother and a sister. Mom and dad worked a lot, so I started helping them with their younger children at a fairly early age. From here came an understanding of what to do - there was a good hardening. But still, in your family and with your children, you learn to do everything your own way, despite experience.

There are many stereotypes about Orthodox families. Recently, a new temple was built in our area, and when I go there, I see very different modern people - and these are not textbook women in headscarves and men with bushy beards. Another common opinion about Orthodox families is that they all necessarily have many children. This is not true. Yes, we do not use family planning methods, but at the same time there are couples where there are many children, and there are where there are no kids at all. Everything is regulated, but not by us.

With the advent of each new child, excessive scrupulousness disappears. Of course, I know how to “apply” a family to others - on the eve of important events, everything will look perfect. But I definitely will not iron a panama hat for a child before going outside. The second important quality is the ability to plan your time. We went on vacation a thousand kilometers from home, and for several days my husband, as a designer, assembled our car - thoughtfully and gradually. At the right moment, we just sat down and calmly drove off, without fuss and problems, having managed to go to the temple and receive a blessing.

Both in Russia and abroad, I notice a very positive reaction of others to children. I will never forget how once in Greece the Germans on vacation looked at our family with undisguised admiration. It often happens that familiar mothers with fewer children confess to me: “Zhenya, when difficulties arise with children or fatigue sets in, I always remember you and think: you have five of them! And I feel ashamed of pity for my own person.

The Orthodox community gives us great support - if you need help, no one will refuse. Moreover, for me the concept of community is much broader than just “people at the temple”. Faith unites millions of people across the country, makes us closer to each other. For example, we never had a nanny, but in a stressful time, a teenage girl I knew helped, who was interested in communicating with children, teaching them to draw, walking with them. This is a huge support! Being a large family, we also receive assistance from the state: there is a discount on housing and communal services, children and one of the parents do not pay for travel in public transport, we can attend circles and sections for free.

Often people ask me about my own interests, implying that there is not enough time for them. I look at it differently: if you yourself are deeply passionate about something, then the children will gladly follow you, outgrow you, and then pull you up with them. I have loved the theater since childhood, and one of my daughters shared this passion - she plays in children's performances. Another example: I always secretly dreamed that one of my children would become an artist. I didn’t pray about it, of course, but such hope lived inside. And suddenly I notice how my daughter sits for hours over sheets of paper, draws. And I felt my secret wish come true.

No matter how many children there are in a family, it is very important to be able to observe each one - from an early age to notice what gives them pleasure, to find time to develop their hobbies.

It is impossible to describe in words the joy that comes with the advent of children - as if everything in life is sanctified and takes on a new meaning. Difficulties, of course, cannot be avoided, but they happen with one child, and with two, and with five. If you feel like you want children, then by all means do it.

Anastasia Lipiridi

Dolgoprudny, 39 years old, four children

Neither I nor my husband grew up in large families: I have one sister, and my husband is generally the only child. Therefore, three children has always been the absolute maximum that I could ever imagine in relation to myself. And in the end it turned out that there are already four children in our family. In short: I got married for the first time, gave birth to a son (he is now 18 years old), got divorced and eight years later got married a second time. With my second husband, we had a common daughter, who was 10 years younger than her son. We decided that she definitely needed a couple close in age, and 3.5 years later her second daughter was born. In principle, no more children were planned, but three years later a third girl was born. This is where we stopped for now.

Before motherhood, I had stereotypes about how the life of a large family is built: it's hard, there is no time for myself and my own interests. My husband had no prejudices, but my guesses were confirmed. It’s really hard, you don’t always have time for yourself, life is completely built around the family. But motherhood teaches patience and the ability to prioritize. And thanks to the children, you get rid of maximalism and the “excellent student syndrome”. Well, sometimes they skip the queue. (Laughs.)

They react to the BIG family in different ways: abroad - with a SMILE, in Russia - with sympathy and pity

Now we have developed a certain system to which all our everyday lives are subordinated. At the moment I am taking care of children, but when the youngest daughter goes to kindergarten, I will try to get a job. Now our day looks like this: we are at home with our youngest daughter, the elders are in the garden, school and institute. At two o'clock we pick up the eldest from the school - then classes, pick up the middle one from the kindergarten - again classes. We go home, do our homework, cook dinner and wait for dad from work. Difficulties begin when this beautiful schedule fails, for example, if one of the children falls ill. Then you have to call your father and grandmother for help.

In my opinion, after all, the optimal number of children in a family is three. It turns out such a stable good system. It is interesting for them to play with each other and communicate, and if suddenly two do not make friends with each other, then the third one will coincide with one of them and find a common language.

When kids turn 5, things get a lot easier. For example, our eldest girl is very responsible and helps with might and main. But in general, they still quarrel more than rejoice at each other's existence.

Surrounding people react to our large family mostly well: abroad - with a smile, in Russia - with sympathy and pity. Even my close friends, no, no, they will regret me. There are also those who are dissatisfied, for example, on airplanes, but in general, my children are calm and practically do not cause inconvenience to others.

As a support option, you can start communicating with other large families who understand your difficulties and problems. But I’m not looking for such a company: in my free time, I still want to disengage as much as possible and take a break from everything childish, and when parents meet, this is almost impossible.

In any situation, you must try to maintain a positive attitude and not let the children feel your problems. According to my observations, the main thing is how the parents themselves relate to the number of children: as a heavy burden or much easier? Even if it is very difficult, you need to work on yourself so that the children do not have a gloomy outlook on life from the fact that they have brothers and sisters. I hope in the future they will appreciate that they grew up in a large family.

Elena Shelin

Stockholm, 37 years old, five children. Leads the popular Instagram account @confettis

Already in childhood, I decided that I would certainly become an actress, writer, director and mother of many children. I dreamed so pleasantly how my beloved husband and I gather our large family, including grandchildren and parents, at a large festive table; how joyful laughter spreads in every corner of the spacious house; how everything around begins to breathe an atmosphere of happiness and love. I painted this picture so colorfully that it quickly took root and took deep roots in my mind and heart.

They say that the dreams we have at the age of eight often turn out to be our destiny in life. That's what happened to me. My husband shared my desires - Biryer (Elena's husband - Swedish. - Approx. ELLE) himself grew up in a large family with seven brothers.

We have a large family, but we do not suffer from increased attention to ourselves. In general, there is a very strong similarity between Russians and Swedes - both of them are quite restrained in the manifestation of emotions, they try not to look at others too much, hide their curiosity, and are tactful. But I will always remember the time we lived in Southern California. People of all ages stopped us literally at every step, exclaiming how beautiful we are! Many shook hands with Biryer and congratulated him on such a beautiful offspring. We received a whole sea of ​​positive emotions - every day the smile practically did not leave our faces.

With five children, we can easily do without a nanny and a housekeeper. It saves that we equally distribute numerous parental responsibilities among ourselves, thereby enabling each other to function in the environment where we are most comfortable today. As soon as I distribute my time incorrectly, difficulties immediately arise, stress begins, and after it - irritation and disharmony in the family. Therefore, I can say with confidence: a clear daily routine minimizes a huge number of problems.

Motherhood taught me the most important thing - to see and understand what is really important in life, and what is secondary. I am sure that children teach me as much as I teach them. Because motherhood is a lifelong privilege, it looks like I have a lifetime of learning to do, and it's absolutely priceless.

The main advantages of a large family are, of course, the children themselves. These are such unique and deep personalities that will always be a part of you. I can say with confidence: with five children, I graduated from the best time management school in the world, which helps me both in the family and in work. Due to the fact that I choose the most difficult option in such a situation - to work from home, inhuman self-discipline is constantly required of me. But I believe that "patience and work will grind everything."

Many mistakenly believe that the more children in the family, the less time parents have for each. But I will say this: where there is a sincere desire, there are many opportunities. And do not forget to give personal time to each child - this is the most reliable and correct approach. I am sure that if for some reason the relationship between the child and the parent did not work out, the responsibility is always on the adult. And I know for sure - love works wonders.

The number of children in a family is a purely personal decision. And I would advise you to listen less to the advice of others and trust yourself more. More courage - believe me, all the necessary answers are hidden within us. But still, it is very important to always be ready to rely only on yourself.

Two years ago, with the birth of my third child, I became a mother of many children. Now there are four children. The first seven years of married life, during which all these births took place, were a very difficult period in my life. Looking back, remembering the experience, I do not regret the chosen path for a minute. The only pity is that the initial ideas about having many children, full of rainbow illusions, I drew from the Internet stories of mothers with many children.

I was an ordinary girl, spoiled by her parents, who sincerely accepted Orthodoxy. And no one told me what I want to say now.

Many children are a blessing of God, it is joy, light and great consolation. But it takes a lot of time to understand it, and even more to feel it. And first, events occur in life that do not give rise to any positive emotions, but they constantly upset, upset, offend, annoy. Here's how it was for me.

When I got married, I went to live in a foreign city. A year and a half later, she gave birth to her first daughter. Both childbirth and the time after them were hard. My husband is compassionate, but at that time he could not help with anything specific, because I myself did not know what and how to do, what was happening to my soul. The confessor is far away, the phone is in the mother-in-law's room, there is no cell phone. The relationship with her husband has changed, because the child now came first, took all the time. It was hard for my husband to get used to the fact that there is simply no normal dinner, just as there is not much else, since I carry my daughter in my arms all day. And I could not understand at that time the reason for his displeasure. Everything was complicated by the constant presence of a grandmother, great-grandmother and grandfather nearby, who had dissenting views on caring for a child.

The second one was still wanted and expected. There was especially a lot of joy when they found out that there would be a son. But from the very beginning of the second pregnancy, the daughter was sick a lot. We were in hospitals, examined. Got registered in the second half of pregnancy. After giving birth, she tried not to leave her eldest daughter, spent all her free time with her, was afraid that she would be jealous. She fell ill again, in the hospital with her grandmother lay, who did not want this at all. But there was no choice: with two I was simply not taken to the department. Then - again aggravation. My husband and I were traveling to the regional city with two kids. And I couldn’t even calmly collect these two on the street: the little son was capricious at the same time, I was nervous, pulling the older one. There was little pleasure in walking. Husband was fired from his job to reduce staff. There is no hot water and a normal toilet in the house, and I am slowly getting used to the fact that it is not very clean here, that I myself do not know such a luxury as a bath.

But I'm making plans to work in a newspaper. There are a few ideas that the editor of a local newspaper will surely like. However, the Lord gives us a third child. I couldn't believe it. But it was. The family did not speak for a long time. Neighbors looked at me with surprise and whispered. The husband was unemployed. couldn't find her. Soon I got a job in a regional city, lived there all week, and came home for 1.5 days on weekends. Almost all of his salary went to the road and life in another city. We lived on my pennies from the newspaper and child allowance plus potatoes from the garden. At this time, our great-grandmother dies. And we are also losing our grandmother, who is now engaged in funerals, commemorations, and visits relatives. We hardly see her. And soon we are leaving for the region to her husband. I packed all the things by myself after I put the children to bed, at a significant stage of pregnancy. By the time I moved in, I started having tics. The husband, too, could hardly hold on - he ate poorly alone, slept, spent a lot of time with different friends, since he simply did not have a home.

Lived in a new place with a drinking relative. The growing son did not speak at all and did not listen well, but then we did not suspect any disorder, it was just difficult to find contact with him. The husband, out of habit, spent a lot of time outside the family. The third daughter was born. She had health problems. Until she went, I still somehow coped with the elders. But the son never made progress in speech, it was difficult with him. And when the baby went, all attention turned to her. We could no longer go out quietly into the street - the whole entrance knew that large families were going out for a walk. On the street they scattered, and yet they were all still babies, and everyone needed supervision. Parents asked not to give birth for at least three more years. The district doctor, having somehow caught a sudden arrival of a sick child running around the house naked, closeness, a mess and a full pot in the room, cursed terribly and no longer looks into the eyes at receptions. It is difficult to let people in the polyclinic, although it is written on each door that large families are served out of turn. Neighbors make instructive remarks to children about how to behave. And the believing grandmother is surprised at the lack of grace in her grandchildren, who for some reason do not stand like candles in the church, but try to play pranks or want to run out into the street. And we had a third daughter - the fourth child.

Why am I telling all this? Then, so that young mothers have at least a little idea of ​​​​what it means to have many children, especially the weather. And so that those who have just started this path know that they will cope, that someone has already gone through this, endured, remained alive and well and thanks God for the children He has given. Forewarned is forearmed.

How did we deal with it? With God's help. Why did the period when difficulties outweigh joys end for me? Because I have something to look back at, something to appreciate. Unpleasant - it happens every day, it is in front of us and the people around us. And the good, truly valuable and joyful - it is larger, more weighty, takes place over long periods of time.

Firstly, our financial situation has changed - this stumbling block for believers and not so much. Now I can calmly, based on my own life, say - the more children, the more wealth. Our living conditions have changed from a house in the village with a wood-burning stove and a well-crane to an apartment with all amenities in the regional center. Our children have enough food, clothes, and everything for creative games. Just as we are not deprived of the opportunity to satisfy our desires.

A good illustration here is the phrase of my friend, the same age, mother of one child: “You have so many children, but you live no worse than we do.” She herself was embarrassed at how it sounded. But in fact, there is nothing surprising here - she voiced only the general opinion that large families should be in poverty and starve.

Secondly, we have very warm and friendly relations with my husband. And I also apply this to a large number of children. It is in a large family that men can be most realized. One mother can handle one child, even two. And if there are grandmothers, even more so. But when there is no one to help, and there are many children, the man himself joins the family. For him, this is natural, because he performs purely male functions - he protects and helps those who are having a hard time. He does not wash the dishes at the whim of his wife, but because his wife simply does not have the strength and time to do it. Yes, and responsibility for several children awakens the instinct of fatherhood. This makes the family friendly and strong.

And grandparents do not have a soul in their grandchildren, they are their consolation, those who can be loved unconditionally.

Thirdly, my children will never be alone. Yes, they can quarrel and bicker among themselves. But against any external pressure on one of them, they respond together - with one wall. Even now, when they are still babies.

In addition, four children are already a team. And if other children are bored at home and try to find entertainment with their parents or in cartoons, then we always have the right number of “players”. Someone invents, someone organizes, someone participates, someone watches. And mom throws ideas and intervenes when necessary.

Fourthly, my health not only did not worsen, but even improved. Yes, it is hard to bear, give birth and feed so many children. But the amount of vitamins and minerals in the body can be restored. But about gastritis and osteochondrosis, which bothered me by the age of 20, I managed to forget: due to regular, proper nutrition (children's kitchen) and the lack of prolonged sleep in a soft bed (night rises, low pillows and someone's baby body at my side) .

Fifthly, going for a walk with the whole family, we attract the eyes of passers-by. And of course, these are looks of surprise, admiration and even envy. We make you understand that it is possible, necessary and very good to have many children. My husband and I are proud of our family and our children.

And, finally, nothing can compare with the feeling of a mother who brings her child to baptism. Neither pregnancy, nor the birth of a baby, nor the first months of his life caused me so many emotions and satisfaction as baptism. Each time I had the feeling that I was bringing a child to God, that a new Christian was appearing in the Church, and I was directly involved in this, this is my contribution to the body of the Church. And it's wonderful.

And this is far from all the good that is in our life, just as our daily difficulties have not ended. Of course, I am not now in an exceptionally joyful mood, just as I was not in an exceptionally bad mood before. But before I lived only by knowing that I was doing the right thing, and now by experience.

Many of my peers can say that they have the same thing - wealth, a strong family, health. But the difference will be that they made efforts to achieve this, their activities were aimed directly at achieving these benefits: obtaining housing, career growth, visiting health resorts. And my activity was aimed at only one thing - the birth and upbringing of children. And I see in this the fulfillment of the commandment of the Lord - to take care, first of all, of the Kingdom of Heaven, and everything else will be. Here we have it: no less than others.

How to live up to the moment when you can look back and see that time has not been spent in vain? Hope, faith, love. Some issues can be resolved, organized. And somewhere - just wait, endure until the children grow up, do not pay attention to others. Our patience was by no means always uncomplaining, but both my husband and I firmly believed that childbearing was blessed by God, and we lived on.

The way to salvation is always narrow and cramped. But the further along it you go, the more you feel that Someone is supporting you under the elbow, just like you are supporting your little children. You just have to not stop. And then comes joy in the midst of hardship. And mothers begin to write bright notes about having many children on websites. I just went back a little.