Why does the child infuriate. Am I a mother or a stepmother? Why does my own child piss me off

Children can bring chaos to parents' lives and change their plans. It also happens that irritation at their behavior leads us to shouts and endless punishments, which do not really help to resolve the conflict. Unfortunately, without identifying the true causes of parental irritation, we risk our relationship with children, we can get hung up on our discontent and constantly break down on the child.

We must admit that in most cases we get annoyed with children because they behave like children. And children tend to make noise, demand attention and be curious.

What if you are tired of yelling at your child, but he still does not listen to your requests?

Time to admit: my baby annoys me

A year and a half ago, my relationship with seven-year-old Kira did not go well. She was constantly capricious, yelled, whined and was always unhappy with everything. I always fell for her. In addition, when Kira was six, little Lida was born, and it became very difficult: jealousy tore the older one apart, and she became unbearable. Once she defiantly wrote on the sofa in the living room, because tired, I refused to play with her and fell asleep. It was not easy for us, and it is time to admit: I am constantly annoyed by my child.

At the very beginning, still not really understanding how exactly to act, I decided to start with the most obvious: deal with constant irritation. You have already repeated fifteen times, and the child does not seem to hear you. He yells because he was given a plate of the wrong color. The elder deliberately snatches the toy from his brother or sister, the baby is crying. The child has been singing the same song in a mournful voice for half an hour. Shouts "I myself", and immediately smashes a plate of porridge on the floor. All these are normal stories from children's life, and they can cause the wildest irritation, anger and annoyance. I had more than enough of this annoyance, on some days I screamed constantly. From the very morning, waking Kira to school, I began to grumble, pester and criticize. And something had to be done about it. My method was as follows: feeling a surge of irritation, before starting to yell, I tried to understand why I was in this moment felt it. Five main reasons were found out, and none of them directly related to the child's personality.

1. I explain poorly, and the child cannot understand me.

Example. I was terribly annoyed that Kira, after brushing her teeth, spits out the paste so much that she constantly splashes the mirror in the bathroom. Trifle? Well, yes, but it just drove me to shaking. I screamed every morning and evening: “How much you can! Again disgusting! I have already said a hundred times that you need to be careful! "

Solution. If you repeat the same thing to a person over and over again, but no change occurs, the problem is probably how you explain it. One morning I started brushing my teeth at the same time as Kira, but before rinsing my mouth, I asked: “Do you want me to show you how a real professional spits?” Taking aim, I gently spat into the very center of the shell and said: "Come on, you can become a pro too!" She happily repeated, and everything worked out perfectly and neatly. Now, after brushing my teeth, I just need to say: "And now - a professional!". We both laugh, the mirror is clear, the mood is good.

2. I am tired / not feeling well.

Example. In the afternoon, I pick up the younger one from the garden, then I follow the older one, and after an hour and a half of continuous walking, I approach the entrance, loaded with a stroller, a backpack and bags from the supermarket. Kira talks incessantly, crawls under her feet and hangs in the wheelchair. Usually, I was furious and just before entering the entrance I fell into her. She was sobbing, dinner was tense.

Solution. On the way to the entrance, I say: “Baby, let’s keep quiet now and quickly go up to the apartment, and I will drag the stroller in, and at home we will continue to play with words. I am a little tired and can be angry: not at you, but at the situation. " She calmly accepts this little time-out, I get my two minutes of silence in a moment of fatigue. Now, even if my irritation still breaks out, Kira immediately asks: "Mom, are you angry with me or the situation?" I answer: "To the situation, kid, I'm sorry, you're all right."

3. I am angry with myself.

Example. The day off, the children are playing quietly, I am texting on Facebook with the customer. He suddenly, this very minute, when I have no opportunity to sit down at the computer, demands to amend the text. I begin to get angry with myself: for having written an imperfect text, for not being able to build a relationship with the client so that he would not tug at me in the middle of the day off. I sink into self-pity and self-abuse. And then Kira says: "Mom, I want an apple." And he gets back: “You just ate! How can! Why do you have to jerk me all the time? "

Solution. Feeling that my mood is falling, and there are children nearby, I convince myself: my resentment has nothing to do with the children. I say it directly in my head: “You are upset because of the correspondence with the customer, you are upset that your text was not accepted the first time, you are angry that you do not have enough confidence in yourself to tell him that at the moment to sit down work is uncomfortable for you, you feel guilty in front of him and angry at him. It is very offensive, but the children have nothing to do with it. " If I find it difficult to quickly recover, I say out loud: "Kid, I have some small problems here at work, please give me 10 minutes, and after that I can be with you again." I say this even before the children wanted something, to let them know that mom is having a tense moment. I take time out, have a cup of coffee, and again I can be in the ranks.

4. I am angry at my own childhood memories.

Example. Since Kira decided to grow her long hair at the age of five, we had a row every morning. I tried to comb this tow, it screamed terribly. In the end, I lost my temper, shouted: "Then comb your hair yourself!" She started to cry. At some point, I decided to write about it in the mother's Facebook group. I wanted moral support, it would be easier for me if everyone wrote, they say, yes, combing my hair also pisses me off! But no, almost no one wrote that. And then I thought: apparently, I personally have some kind of problem with this. And I remembered. As a child, I had a thick braid up to the priests. Each time my mother pulled my hair so hard while combing my hair that I started crying, she screamed at me, and this continued every morning. Combing my hair was torture in my childhood. And it was this feeling that I transferred to my daughter, reproducing an episode from the past.

Solution. Everything leveled out by itself. As soon as I realized what the root of the problem was, my attitude towards it changed. I remembered myself as a little girl, my feelings, emotions, pain and tears, and instead of irritation I began to feel sincere sympathy. And to her little one, and to her daughter. In general, Kira did not become more patient, she still whines - no matter how carefully I tried to untangle the tangles. But her objections ceased to irritate me. Now I’m not yelling, but, on the contrary, I’m trying to joke, and while talking, combing my hair is easier and faster.

5. I am angry with someone close to me.

Example. In the morning, getting ready to school and to the kindergarten, the youngest smeared porridge on the table, the eldest was still in her pajamas, although in 15 minutes we would go out. The husband watched TV series the night before until four in the morning and now he cannot wake up. The youngest, all in porridge, wants to sit only in my arms, I take her and at the same time try to comb the older one, the youngest grabs the older by the hair, she yells, the apocalypse is coming. I am insanely angry with my husband: if he could wake up and take on one of the girls, it would be easier for me, but he is sleeping! As a result, I break into children.

Solution. Feeling that the irritation increases, I, as in previous situations, quickly determine what exactly I am angry with, and direct my anger at the object that caused it. Children's confusion in the morning is normal, and there is no reason to scold children here! But there is a reason to discuss with my husband the problem of morning preparations and share responsibilities. If this situation repeats itself from time to time, he sleeps peacefully while his wife, in a panic with screaming children, rushes around the apartment, perhaps the problem is in the relationship with her husband, and the children have nothing to do with it.

The benefit of such an analysis of the situation also lies in the fact that not only an adult learns to better understand himself and his emotions, to find problem areas. Children, looking at the reaction of their parents, also begin to listen to themselves. In the evening the other day the girls were playing in the nursery, suddenly there was a cry, noise, roar: the youngest grabbed the older's toys, the older one took them away and shouted angrily. I already wanted to go to help, but suddenly I heard Kira say to her sister: “Lida, forgive me, please, for what I yelled at you. I love you, but I'm very angry that you broke my pony house. It is unpleasant and insulting to me. "

I in the next room - naturally - burst into tears with pride and emotion.

When and why do children piss us off? What if your own child is annoying?
“Okay,” the parents will say, “I agree to raise children like flowers, the prospect is really pleasant. And I even agree to grow with them. Let's take this as a strategic plan. But please tell me what exactly to do if, for example, the eldest beloved "bunny" appeared at home in war paint, and the younger one stole a toy in the garden. What to do if you have proved and you want to slap, bark and burst into tears from your own impotence ?! "

How not to get annoyed with a child

If your child throws out another trick over and over again, and you do not know what to do at all, do nothing.

Let us explain why:

First, at such moments we fall into a pedagogical stupor (we will act automatically, like a zombie, according to the old scenario, which has failed more than once).

Secondly, it seems to us that we are worthless parents if we cannot insist on our own.

Thirdly, it may seem to us that we have a useless child.

Neither one nor the other, nor the third will solve our relations and will not bring improvement. But you can make a lot of mistakes.

Sometimes the most prudent thing to do in a conflict situation is to do nothing.

The child expects a rebuff from you, and you will confuse him with your "inaction" (which is not bad at all for a start). And give time to come to your senses and think. Say calmly and gravely: “I don’t like it… I don’t allow you to behave so rudely…” And leave him alone. Leave the kid for 3-10 minutes, it is good for the student to be alone with himself for longer, from 15 minutes to an hour.

This does not mean that you are giving up: the child understands perfectly well that "showdowns" with you are still ahead. No, you won the first round because you did not participate in it. For kids, this in itself is a harsh punishment, for older children it is a serious reason to think and be wary: have I gone overboard? what will happen to me next? For adolescents, it is a good sign that you do not hold him for a baby who “needs to be put in place”, that you treat him like an adult and, without getting into petty squabbles and disputes, give time to change your mind and come to your senses.

So, you have taken a break, so there is time to think and analyze the situation that has arisen. If conflicts arise constantly and on the same topic, it means that you are doing something wrong or you are not correcting mistakes. Usually a quarrel is already the final stage, and its reasons lie elsewhere. Therefore, the most important thing for parents is to find the cause of the conflict, understand it and try to eliminate it. However, logic in conflict situations with a child will not be of much use. A child can really get angry for two reasons:

• If his behavior is irrational, and his parents do not know the reason.
• If he behaves the same way as you did in childhood.

How to quickly calm a child's tantrum: Video

Why your own child is annoying: causes of conflict

Let's take a closer look at these reasons.

Parents do not understand the reasons for the child's bad behavior and what they want.

And if you don't understand the situation, then it's impossible to do something right. Any of our actions do not give the desired result and we are lost. As a result, we simply lose control over ourselves. Then we try to hide our confusion from the child and from ourselves, which leads to actions that we later regret. But then what to do? It is necessary to deal with the source of the problem - to understand the child, the reasons for his inadequate reaction to our requests / orders / actions, to understand his desires and goals of bad behavior.

We compare our children to ourselves at their age.

And we recall those unpleasant situations that happened to us and which there is no desire to remember. If my child annoys me, is it probably me? The actions, words and behavior of the child reminded us of what worried us in childhood. Perhaps you have not even thought about it, these memories are far in the past and have never reminded of yourself. And now your child gets your terrible memories from distant storehouses. It is at this moment that something switches and you lose your temper. Anger, irritation, screaming - loss of control over your own emotions, which leads to despair. And now you are not behaving like an adult intelligent person, but like a little troubled child.

Childhood horrors and repressed emotions

When your child begins to infuriate you so much that you want to shout furiously, slap him, order, or vice versa, when the desire to do something simply disappears and you fall into despair, then perhaps the irritation that the child caused does not concern him, but Yourself. That is, you are angry with yourself, not with the baby. This child inside you reacts so negatively, and your own child simply rekindled old memories.

Thus, if you cannot control yourself and calm down in time or simply not react, then this means that it is not your own child who drives you into a rage, but your negative memories and experiences that were hidden in your memory.

We will give you examples of the main situations when a child pisses off his parents. Compare with your own situations in life - it is highly likely that you will find a lot in common. And having realized, you can understand how not to be annoyed with a child during conflicts.

When a child refuses to do what he used to do always flawlessly(do your homework, play with your little brother or sister, remove toys, sweep the floor, etc.). Sometimes some unfulfilled task that was assigned to a child (take out the trash, make the bed) can become a reason for a quarrel. But there are parents who treat this with understanding and calmness, and maybe with humor.

When a child does what was forbidden for you as a child. For your own reassurance, even in childhood, you convinced yourself that this is right, and that what your parents forbid you is harmful, dangerous, bad, so you do not need it. Internal prohibitions contradict the current actions of your child, and although, perhaps outwardly, you understand this, but inside you feel this psychological protest. For example, wearing extraordinary clothes and accessories, going out late, girls doing makeup and walking in heels.

When the child reminds you of his own fears and weaknesses. It annoys you that the child is afraid of something that scared you in childhood, or when he is offended, but he cannot stand up for himself. Probably, you yourself came from the street in tears, because your peers laughed at you. Or you, just like your child, were afraid to go into a dark room, to the dentist's office, could not defend against an attacker, or were simply embarrassed to answer in the lesson. Therefore, you are annoyed by such cowardice and shyness of the child.

When you see in a child what you don't like about yourself. You understand that what you did not succeed in childhood has its consequences, including in adulthood. For example, you could not learn to dance in any way, so do not go to discos; or you have not learned how to tinker with something, so now you cannot fix something at home. Perhaps you were talking loudly and gesticulating strongly, which annoyed parents and teachers, did not know how to climb a tightrope and play football, which is why you received poor grades and the like. In such a situation, when certain of your actions or inability, which brought you suffering in childhood, you see in your own child, this begins to bother and annoy you.

In a situation where the child does not have those positive (as you yourself think) traits like you do. You are very annoyed that, for example, a child is not as collected as you, is lazy or is very slow. Perhaps you were like this / such in childhood, and your parents constantly scolded you for being lazy, rushed you when you could not get yourself together for a long time. You have been taught to be quick, hardworking and collected, you are proud of these traits and it annoys you that the child is different from you.

When we understand the feelings of the child, but internally "protest" and do not want to admit it to ourselves... We remember our own negative emotions in such situations. For example, when I prepared for a test and got a bad grade, when I forgot lines during a performance, or disgraced myself in any other situation. Or when your teenage daughter is on duty at the phone waiting for a call from a boyfriend - it annoys you, because you yourself were in a similar situation and you know how your child is going.

When we do not understand the reasons for the shameful behavior of our own child, or we understand, but do not want to admit it to ourselves. After all, we were brought up strictly and according to the rules, like obedient and decent children who, for example, cannot be rude to the teacher, even though he insulted in front of the whole class. You are worried that the child is so ill-mannered and uncultured, and you do not think at all that this is just a defensive reaction and that your child was trying to defend his dignity - intuitively, as best he can.

When in your childhood your parents were not gentle and caring enough to you You lacked parental love. And now you are annoyed that the child requires more attention and tenderness from you, although you think that he is satisfied with everything.

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Our children contribute to the fact that we look at childhood in a new way. When we bring up our children, we remember long-forgotten impressions, emotions from events, experiences from childhood. And this is just wonderful!

Children reveal to us a new vision of the past - their childhood experience. They allow you to reevaluate everything and draw appropriate conclusions.

Now we can look at the past from a completely different side - through the eyes of an adult. We can understand why we and our parents did one way or another, quarrel or praise ourselves, remember how fun and pleasant it was, how we were loved and proud of us. We understand how worried our parents were for us and how they loved us, because then all requests like "to walk until 11 o'clock", "to complete homework for the feast", "to eat soup first, and then sweets" were hard labor and a manifestation of hatred in the eyes of the baby. And this kid, who lives in an adult, realizes that in fact it was not a punishment, but a manifestation of parental love, and all childhood traumas heal. This is a kind of medicine.

Therefore, let's return to our own children, who sometimes annoy us so terribly, and remember two more things that should be done:

Find out what exactly makes you mad - a child or old memories that he reminded you of.

Now go through with him and get what you lacked in childhood.

Thus, you will get rid of your own experiences and pain, terrible memories and negative emotions. The heavy load will subside.

Of course, this is a difficult task and requires more than one day or even more than one week to complete. But it's worth it. If you deal with yourself, analyze your own childhood grievances, tears and stories, understand the causes of suffering and joy, then it will be very easy to understand your child. You will stop getting annoyed every time he does what you think he shouldn't.

The child is crying and naughty again on the street. All passers-by look back at us. I'm boiling, but I can't stop crying. Sometimes your own child is so annoying that thoughts appear just to leave him and go. Do anything to keep him quiet. And so I want to be the perfect mom. Only their children do not throw tantrums, do not be capricious, do not indulge. The correct mother is not annoyed by the crying of her own child. She knows how to comfort him and she is always in a good mood. How can I, the most ordinary mom, become perfect? What if your own child is annoying?

Annoying - on purpose or not

It is sheer affection to look at the kid who is enthusiastically playing in the sandbox. Parenting seems like a fairy tale, pride in yourself and the child is overwhelming. It is a pity that the quiet minutes are quickly ending. It's time to go home, but the child is stubborn, does not want to go, crying. The little angel turns into an obnoxious whim. Persuasion doesn't help. Mom's patience is melting.

Often the mother perceives the child as her little copy. Therefore, sometimes she sincerely does not understand the reasons for his behavior. After all, she would not cry and be stubborn if it was time to go to dinner. The baby seems to annoy her on purpose. Stubborn and crying out of spite.

If you look at it, every child's reaction appears for a reason. At the free training "System-Vector Psychology" Yuri Burlan explains that from birth, people have different properties of the psyche. This is the reason for their dissimilar attitude to the same events. It is on the vector that a person's reaction to various situations, his life values ​​and even physiological features depends.

Why is your own child annoying?

Option 1. In the case of a mother with a skin vector and a baby with an anal vector, the situation on the playground is as follows. Mom looks at her watch and understands: it's time to go home. A person with a skin vector makes decisions quickly and easily implements them. Changing the situation and adapting to new conditions is one of the main talents of his psyche.

The child, on the other hand, can be so carried away by the game that he is not ready to quit it at once. He needs time to finish the game. To bring any business to the end is a property of the anal vector. An unfinished business, even an unfinished bead, leaves negative impressions and stress in the psyche of such a person. In this case, the child needs 5-10 minutes to complete the process. If the mother carefully watches the baby, she can easily notice the moment the game ends. It turns out that the skin mother is annoyed by her own child with the anal vector with her slowness and inability to quickly fulfill her requirements.

Option 2... The opposite situation happens. Mom with the anal vector is calm, consistent and unhurried, and the child is a whirligig, the owner of the skin vector. They are going for a walk. In 10 minutes, while the mother methodically washes the dishes, the baby manages to "pull" it five times. He ran away to play and could not find his favorite typewriter, fell down, wanted to watch the cartoon, changed his mind. All this is accompanied by an avalanche of requests like: "Mom, help", "Mom, give me", "Mom, but where?". For a person with an anal vector, this is colossal stress. Mom wants to calmly wash the dishes, and then help the child.

The human psyche with an anal vector functions according to the principle of sequential execution of affairs. Completed one case, moved on to the next. The psyche of a skin baby from birth works in multitasking mode. He cannot concentrate on one thing for a long time, but he can do three or four things at the same time, albeit not very well.

The constant requests of the baby overload the mother's psyche. There is a desire to calm down the child, but her nerves are at the limit, and at best she pulls him down with strict: "wait," "calm down" - or screams. This loving, caring and patient mom does not realize why her own child is annoying. She just doesn't like his behavior, which she considers wrong.

Annoying imperfection

If you delve into the details, and mom has, for example, visual and anal vectors, she always wants to be an ideal mom in the eyes of others. A child crying on the street clearly signals everyone about her "imperfection". She has a whole bunch of negative experiences - fear, shame and irritation. Inconsistency with the image of motherhood created in the head is one of the reasons for mother's irritation and dissatisfaction with the child.

Annoying childish thirst for praise

A child with an anal-visual ligament of vectors is more dependent on his mother's opinion than others. He tries to please her in every possible way - to pick a flower, to present a drawing. As a return signal, he expects praise. Mom's smile and "you are my clever girl" lift the child to the pinnacle of happiness. He's not sneaky or sneaky. Such is his psyche - to please his mother by all means, which is due to the presence of visual and anal vectors.

The skin mum does not understand this desire for praise. For her, a simple "thank you" or "well done" is of no value. She saves her time by not giving out praise. It is better to pay attention to mistakes and shortcomings so that in the future the child knows what needs to be corrected.

Anal visual children, even boys, are very affectionate and obedient. This can be perceived by an ambitious skin mother as a weakness of character. She will be annoyed by the child's reliability and the inability to say "no". Indeed, at the heart of her psyche is this very "no" - restriction, self-restraint and control.

The child is crying and annoying

A mother with a sound vector beckons to peace and quiet. She is focused on herself and her thoughts. Any sounds louder than her own breath are unpleasant to her. Whatever vectors the baby has, his need for mother's attention greatly distracts her from deep inner reflections. All motherhood seems to her an absurd vanity, routine and meaningless. She is annoyed by the cry of her own child because it seems too loud and frequent.

But the point is not in the baby, but in the condition of the mother and in the unrealized properties of her sound vector. One way to overcome a bad state in the sound vector is to focus on the other person. That is, a child from a source of irritation can become a saving source of meaning in life and joy. This happens when the mother is able to observe the baby and track him and her reactions. In this case, the child with each of his reactions clearly demonstrates the depth and infallibility of the universe, cause and effect. The kid turns from an annoying irritant into a source of joy.

Mom's condition is the key to irritation

Whatever innate properties of the psyche a mother and baby have, a lot depends on the state of the mother. What to do if sometimes the crying of your own child annoys, and sometimes there is not enough strength to calm him down? Mom has her own margin of safety. Rested, calm and in a good mood, she can give a child much more mental strength. If the day is not working out or something is disturbing, irritation comes much faster. Improving parental stress tolerance is not difficult. The main thing is to determine what exactly takes away mental strength:

• dirty dishes;
• lack of money;
• resentment towards loved ones;
• a missed vacation trip;
• lack of communication;
• unsuccessful search for the meaning of life.

Realizing the real reason for the dissatisfaction will relieve half of the stress. The child's behavior will no longer cause overwhelming irritation. After all, mother's thoughts will be aimed at solving a specific problem - a real source of psychological discomfort.

Understand yourself and the child in order to forget about irritation

It is possible to consciously cope with irritation and increase stress resistance. Stable results in these areas are formed when understanding the reasons for the child's behavior and their own reactions. Awareness of the basic differences between the psyche of a mother and a child relieves colossal tension in relationships. Question: "Well, why does he do that?" - will no longer arise. Instead, in every critical situation, the right answers and the right decisions will automatically pop up in my head.

Such an effect is provided by systemic thinking, which begins to take shape already during the free online training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. Articles from psychologists, advice from grandmothers or other mothers from children's forums will no longer be needed. Any mother can enjoy motherhood, understand herself and forget about the question of why her own child is annoying.

“... I could break loose and shout at children. After the training, our relationship is full of mutual adoration ... "

Anastasia, Moscow

"... After the training, I control myself, do not allow myself to shout and rush my slow son ..."

Natalia, St. Petersburg

“... The crying of children made me run away from the source of the cry, but in contrast to this there was an understanding that this should not be so. I wanted to get rid of the unbearable pain - a cry from outside and a cry from within! Applying the knowledge gained at the training in practice, I immediately saw the result. I understood the essence of my child. The reasons for his behavior became clear. These were no longer guesses, as before ... "

Problems in the relationship between children and parents are common. Misunderstanding arises from the age difference and completely different views of the world. Sometimes parenting is not easy at all, and many parents begin to annoy their own child. The fact that mom or dad think about this problem means that they love their child, but for some reason cannot contain their anger. Is the child annoyed? What to do and for what reasons this may arise - this is what we will find out in this article.

Who is right and who is wrong

If you are raising a child, then, most likely, this question is asked to yourself quite often. In a fit of anger, you can scold the child or even spank, but when the emotions subside, guilt comes in their place. It is like a worm gnawing on the parent from the inside. The same question arises: "Who is right in this situation and who is to blame?" But in fact, this is absolutely the wrong approach to the problem.

Such a question only provokes one of two feelings: anger - if you nevertheless came to the conclusion that the child was wrong, or guilt - if you did the wrong thing. And the problem doesn't go away. unsettle a person, he feels tired and irritated, and when the child irritates him again and again, everything repeats itself. The parent again breaks down on the child and constantly thinks how bad he is. In fact, you can influence a child without screaming and scandal. You just need to know some tricks.

If you are wondering what to do, if your own child is pissed off, then you are already on the right track. And first you need to find out the cause of this problem. And there can be many of them. The age of the child is also important.

Newborn baby

Difficult childbirth and 9 months of pregnancy behind. The baby is born, which both parents and relatives have been waiting for so long. Throughout pregnancy, as a rule, the mother is in euphoria. She is very much expecting the baby, imagines how she will walk down the street with him, feed him and put him to bed. In fact, everything turns out to be not so rosy. The child often cries and does not sleep well. For the first few months, my mother practically does not rest. Fatigue builds up, and irritation and anger are added to it.

From time to time, a young mother breaks down on the baby and at the same time constantly feels a sense of guilt in front of him. She is annoyed by her own newborn child, and this causes bewilderment and even the thought that she is a bad mother. In fact, many young parents experience this, and there is nothing to worry about. All anger and irritation is the result of fatigue. In addition, the colossal restructuring of the body after pregnancy also affects the mother's condition. Postpartum depression often occurs, and one of its symptoms is that the mother is annoyed by the crying of her own child.

Solution

So, the main reason that a mother breaks down on her baby is precisely fatigue. And therefore, so that the child does not irritate, you should rest as much as possible. Go to bed with your baby. As soon as he falls asleep, you should immediately lie down and relax. It doesn't matter what time of day it happens. Take time for yourself to do something you love. The birth of a long-awaited baby is not a reason to forget about yourself. Ask the child's dad or relatives to take a walk with the baby, while you yourself take a bubble bath and enjoy the peace and loneliness. Caring for a newborn is the main task of a mother in the first months of his life, but at the same time, one should not forget about himself and his health.

Little fidgets

Every mother dreams that the baby will start walking and talking as soon as possible. But as soon as this happens, complete chaos begins. The little fidget is very inquisitive, every now and then he will tear something or climb somewhere. For many mothers, this is a difficult period. At 2 years old, his own child annoys parents with stubbornness and whims. And interestingly, he does many things on purpose to attract the attention of mom or dad. For some parents, this is a real test of their nerves. This is especially true for young mothers and fathers who have not yet had experience in raising children. Why is your own child annoying? The mistake of the parents lies precisely in the fact that they cannot establish a common language with the child.

Parenting mistakes

In fact, the behavior of a child depends almost entirely on the parents, on the situation in the family. From childhood, children try to imitate their parents in everything, and especially in negative habits and things that their mother does not even notice. Therefore, before you start raising a baby, you should look carefully at yourself. Think about why your own child pisses me off. Perhaps it does not live up to your expectations? But is what you want is dogma? The child should be treated as an equal, his wishes and thoughts should be taken into account. The main thing is that it does not harm him.

Mom's character

Parents instruct their children on the right path, teach them how to live, communicate with others, etc. What is such an upbringing based on? Of course, from the experience of the parent himself. That is, if in childhood he fell heavily from a tree and underwent several operations, would he allow his child to climb the branches? Most likely not. Very often, your own child is annoying exactly when he does not do what the parents would like.

There is an exercise in psychology called "my character." When you feel annoyed with your child, try to imagine a character that is overreacting to the toddler's action.

For example, mom is annoyed that her daughter Anya constantly answers “no”. She just gets angry and loses her temper when she hears this three-letter word. Now the psychologist asks her to introduce the character. She sees a little obedient girl who always does everything her parents ask her to do. How does she feel about Anya? The character is jealous of her, since he could never answer requests in this way. It turns out that the inner child of the mother is simply jealous of her daughter that she knows how to fight back. Try to conduct such an experiment, and you will see that the overestimated requirements for the child are just an imprint from your childhood.

Single parent

An incomplete family is one of the reasons that your own child is annoying. And this is not surprising, because just a colossal physical and mental load falls on one of the parents (most often the mother). She becomes irritated and angry, because she herself has to solve all the issues with the child.

You can avoid such a problem if you create a social network around yourself and your child. In other words, try to communicate as much as possible with all relatives and friends. Perhaps sometimes it will even be possible to leave the child with them in order to get some rest. Of course, the parenting function will remain on one parent, but you will have someone to rely on.

There is one more nuance in a family with one parent. It is also incredibly difficult for a child to contact only mom or only dad. He lacks communication with other adults, which is why he can misbehave.

A difficult age

Adolescence is a difficult period for both children and their parents. It was at this time that the character of the child was rapidly formed. A colossal restructuring is taking place in the body, views on many things are changing, the hormonal background is raging. During this period, conflicts between parents and children very often occur. The latter complain that mom and dad do not understand and support them. Teens tend to act out of spite and disobey, and all this is only because they lack love and care. They look adult and independent, but a small and defenseless creature still lives inside them. The thing is that the older the child becomes, the less attention is paid to him by the parents. Namely, during this period, they, more than ever, need support and protection.

What to do if your own child (teenager) is annoying? Of course, first of all, one should clearly understand the cause of conflicts in the family. If a teenager constantly protests - most likely, he does not have enough attention. Try to talk to him frankly and find out the reason for the behavior. Your own child is annoying because it behaves in disagreement with your desires, but it should be understood that he is already an independent person who has the right to choose. Only calm conversations can help improve relations with your child, and constant screaming will only aggravate the situation.

Ignoring feelings

There is another mistake that many people make. Ignoring feelings is a very bad way to smooth over a conflict situation. If displeasure and tension does not find a way out, it accumulates and then, sooner or later, can turn into a big bang. Moreover, the reason for this may be the most insignificant. What can a child think if his mother is constantly silent, and then, for the fact that he, for example, forgot to wash his hands, pounces on him with fists? Of course, he does not understand why some offenses are forgiven him, while others, more insignificant, cause such a thrashing. It is for this reason that whenever you feel anger, do not suppress it in yourself.

Dealing with irritation

There are 7 simple steps that allow you to solve any conflict situation, while each of its participants will not feel embarrassed.

1. The first step is to admit to yourself that you are angry. Tell yourself, "I am actually very angry right now."
2. Talk about how you feel. Tell your child that you are very annoyed right now. But one should not say "because of you" or "because you are."
3. Ask the child to withdraw from the field of view, so as not to break on him. Let him go to another room until you calm down.
4. When you feel that the outburst of anger has passed, and you have become calmer, you can return to the conversation with the child.
5. His behavior and your reaction should be discussed. Calmly explain why you think he is wrong. Hear excuses. Tell us how you see the situation from your side.
6. Show your child how to rebuild the relationship. For example, agree that for his misbehavior he must help you in the kitchen.
7. You should end the conversation on a good note. Tell your child that you love him and wish him only well.

Such a systematic approach to conflict situations will teach you not to restrain anger, but at the same time, not to attack the child with fists. Moreover, this method does not cause the mother to feel guilty for having taken it out on the child. Of course, the approach may differ in each specific situation. For example, if you are not very angry, you can skip points 3 and 4 and talk to your child right away. Don't tell yourself, "Okay, I'll keep quiet this time." After all, then the situation will surely repeat itself and you will be even more angry. And the child does not always know how the parents feel, and silence for him means that everything is in order.

Time to relax

Everyone deserves a rest, and this is especially true for parents. In fact, raising a child is a lifelong job that requires a lot of strength and nerves. If you notice that you are often annoyed by your own child, and you are angry at any trifles, then it’s time to replenish your reserves of energy and vigor.

Make yourself a weekend getaway and relax. Remember that a child needs a healthy and happy mother, not an eternally tired and unhappy mother.