Adolescents: Difficulty growing up. Difficult teenage behavior. Possible causes of poor academic performance

The adolescent crisis is a mountain that every adult has climbed, and a chasm that every teenager can fall into. Let's look for a bridge, maybe not very strong, but which can be strengthened over time.

Signs and development of the crisis

So, adolescence is a difficult period for both adults and adolescents. This complexity arises due to the severity of the crisis period of this age stage.
Everyone goes through this stage, without exception, but it begins and ends in different ways for everyone. Some adolescent signs can be traced at 10 years old, some at 13. Thus, in psychology, it is customary to distinguish between younger adolescence (10-11 years), middle (11-12 years) and older (13-14). However, it is believed that the later the crisis begins, the more acute its manifestations.
Entry into a crisis period is characterized by typical manifestations:

1. Increased desire for communication with peers. It seems that a teenager can chat on the phone for hours, talk in person with peers, and at the same time is not saturated with these conversations.
2. Striving to assert their independence, independence and autonomy. Now he has his own and, as it seems to him, the only correct opinion for everything.

However, all these age-specific manifestations are necessary for the development of a full-fledged and harmonious personality. It is during this period that a certain stage ends. The teenager as a whole tries to understand himself, his capabilities, personal values ​​and norms. He begins to relate himself to peers and adults. This leads to such a pronounced self-affirmation.
The crisis itself has several phases:

1. Negative or pre-critical. In this phase, the already existing habits and stereotypes are broken. It is in this phase that parents begin to notice difficulties in communicating with their growing up child.
2. The culmination point of the crisis. More often coincides with the age of 13 years. The boiling point of both adults and children is so great that it is in this phase that children begin to enter various subcultures, groups and companies. In this difficult period, it is important to understand the teenager as best as possible. Show that we love him for who he is. To learn how to get out of different situations together, taking into account his opinion (after all, he needs to be heard and accepted).
3. Postcritical. Building new relationships.

It is important to note that the crisis itself has two options for its development.

Independence crisis

The first is the most famous when a teenager behaves independently of everyone. This is what the crisis of independence is called. More often it is self-will, devaluation of adults, a negative attitude towards their requirements, which he had previously fulfilled, jealousy of property.
This is all typical for this age period. Crisis symptoms cannot be simply removed from the life of a growing child. It is important to remember that they do not appear always, but only sporadically. They should not be aggravated in the first place by parents.
After all, when we, adults, feel bad at heart and find it difficult to understand our feelings, then more often we ask us not to bother. This is done, we are the authority, we are adults. But our child feels the same, but due to his imperfect emotions, inability to control them and his behavior, he begins to scream, break down or, conversely, become isolated. This is difficult to deal with. Is it necessary? All this is a cry of a maturing soul for help, and not about censure and reading morals.
I recommend the readers of MirSovetov to listen to your child's cry calmly, at least try it. This is harder than meets the eye. But you must admit, this is better than being listened to somewhere, someone, will give advice of dubious content and offer not to pay attention to these parents who do not understand anything, but it is better to come here on the street.
The use of force and constant categorical statements further inflames the child's resentment and pushes the teenager to commit acts that could ruin his life and us. Authority and strength are often our weapons in our helplessness with children. Only in some cases is this the case.

Addiction crisis

Rarely, but in recent times the second path of development of the crisis, the so-called crisis of dependence, is more and more common.
Then adolescence proceeds somewhat differently: excessive obedience, dependence on the elders and the strong, a return to their old interests. The behavior of a teenager says: "I am a child and do not want to grow up." At first glance, this variant of the crisis seems easier, but it is not at all the case. The teenager becomes infantile. His personality slows down its development.
It is sad, but, as a rule, the course of the crisis depends on the adults and the style of family upbringing.
Therefore, an adult should be patient for several years. In nature, everything is natural and adolescence is no exception. After the phases of the crisis replace one another, it will come to an end. Our teenager, a child outwardly and an adult inwardly, will accept the laws of life. This is what they will be, largely depends on his environment. And these are not only peers, but also adults.

How can you help your teenager overcome the crisis?

As a rule, parents who seek to help their son or daughter grow up do not make typical mistakes. And the readers of MirSovetov also recommend looking for ways to smooth out conflict situations, there are many of them.

1. Compromise is one of the ways out in a conflict situation. It is easier for us adults to weigh the situation and accept or push the teenager to this decision. For example, a teenager reacts violently when asked about the order in his room and his belongings. This is age-specific jealousy for property.
   And if we find a compromise and agree that we do not touch his things and the room, but 3 times a week (by the way, he can choose the days himself), we check the order, and if there is none, we put it together.
2. Family requirements should be the same for everyone. For example, a certain place is allotted for eating (in each family it is different, but more often the kitchen or dining room). All family members are required to eat in the kitchen. If we allow ourselves to relax and dine in the living room, then our grown-up child will also do this (why can we, but he can't).
3. Acceptance of a teenager on an equal footing with an adult. Listen to his opinion and take it into account when solving family issues.
4. Helping your child manage emotions. Try to be more restrained when dealing with him.
5. Interest in the hobbies of the child. The more in common, the more topics for conversations, which means that the parent-child relationship is warmer and stronger.
6. Encouragement and support of the teenager. I cleaned the room without a reminder, prepared additional material - such manifestations of independence must necessarily be noted by us, because for us this is a matter of course, but for him it is practically a feat.
7. Comparing your child with peers is unacceptable. It is better not to do this ever, but especially during this period. The teenager is often unpredictable and the response may be inadequate.
8. Listening to the adolescent and using reflective listening techniques, confirming their feelings by repeating what they heard. For example, if he says that he does not like to clean the room, then we paraphrase: “I see that you don’t like to clean the room….”. But at the same time, we avoid evaluating the words and actions of the teenager.

It is important for all parents to understand that as they grow up, the child becomes more independent, because this is what we wanted. First, we strive with all our might so that our baby can do this or that himself. So that he has his own opinion, and now the moment inevitably comes when a teenager demonstrates him to us in every possible way. Well, all that remains is to rejoice (in fact, we led him to this), but instead we begin to argue and say that you are small, to have our own opinion. Well, isn't it a paradox? After all, the time has come when our teenager learns to express, and most importantly, to defend his point of view, albeit not always correct. Let us now teach him and learn to listen and listen to each other ourselves. Learn to deal with different situations constructively.
After all, we, such successful adults, learned all this during that difficult teenage crisis for us and our parents.

The most difficult psychological stage in a person's life is considered to be a transitional period, which significantly affects the formation of an individual as a person. This time can be called a bridge between two lives: a child's and an adult's. Often, a transitional age crisis affects not only the adolescent, but also his environment. After all, a person's values ​​change, new stereotypes appear, his own point of view is formed. This period is considered quite painful and difficult, so you need to know how to cope with problems that may arise precisely in adolescence.

Most difficult age

Few people know about the crises that occur in a person at the age of three and seven. But the transition period and the difficulties that are associated with it are known to everyone. Almost all parents await with horror the onset of a transitional age crisis in their offspring. Many even try to prevent this stage and create all the conditions for this. But in most cases, such attempts are useless. Despite all the efforts of parents, adolescents push the boundaries of what is permissible, incite conflict situations, do not follow the rules and violate prohibitions. Mostly teenagers act as provocateurs. They appeal that parents and loved ones do not want to understand them. But through such disagreements and difficult situations, a teenager learns himself, learns to defend his own positions and grows up.

Time of arrival

Representatives of different countries and religions define the age of transition in their own way. Some adolescents may have it by fourteen, while others may be twenty. This transition can be realized both simply in obtaining a passport or reaching adulthood, and be accompanied by various serious conflicts. At this age, puberty sets in, there is legal responsibility for their actions. The transition period is very difficult for the individual and his environment. Psychology claims that the time of the onset of this stage is purely individual. It depends on many factors, such as cultural heritage, religious beliefs, environment, social circle.

Difficult teen behavior

During adolescence, a teenager is constantly trying to defend the right to his independence and independence from adults. This desire manifests itself in such important moments as the complexity of behavior, pronounced stubbornness, negativism, increased conflict, open disobedience, defending one's own opinion on any issue. Often, adolescents demonstrate their non-conformism when communicating with peers, and also deliberately oppose themselves to adults. Transition problems are mainly in the fact that the teenager creates the antipode of the obedient teenager. A child can behave in this way for a long time. Although in some cases the climax of the transitional age crisis is calm. There are two opposite scenarios according to which this stage of human formation can develop.

The first, classic version of development

The adolescent displays the traditional symptoms that accompany any age crisis. The teenager behaves obstinately, stubbornly, shows self-will and negativism, is critical of the requirements of relatives and teachers. At this stage of growing up, the adolescent's sense of ownership is heightened. He begins to protect his belongings from prying eyes and hands, values ​​personal space. Often the transitional age is characterized by the fact that the teenager prohibits parents or acquaintances from entering their abode. He becomes secretive in communication. Relatives may think that the child is hiding something terrible. But don't worry. The teenager is undergoing serious changes in the inner world. The system of human values ​​is changing, new principles appear, and a worldview is being formed. During this difficult period, the teenager is trying to protect his emerging personality, and therefore behaves in a non-standard way.

Second option

But everything can develop according to another scenario, which is directly opposite to the first one. The teenager is completely dependent on parents and teachers. Excessive obedience and a return to previous interests are characteristic features of the behavior of a teenager going through a transition period according to the second option, which is also called the "addiction crisis." A person often returns to the old system of values ​​and relationships with others. His goal is to find support and find comparative nonchalance. Regardless of the scenario according to which self-determination of the adolescent proceeds, at this stage of development, the determination of the life position takes place. If in the first case, the teenager focuses the attention of others on the fact that he is no longer a child, then in the second version he wants to continue to remain in his childhood.

Positive results

The transitional crisis has had many positive results. The teenager is fighting for his independence, trying to assert himself, to know his own abilities and capabilities. Such a fight must take place in a safe environment. As a result, the teenager develops a sense of self-confidence. In addition, it is adolescence and the difficulties that are associated with it that help a person learn independence, discover qualities in himself that will help him in the future to resolve difficult situations that arise.

Specific traits

The transitional age is characterized by the fact that a person is actively developing cognitive processes. The teenager moves to abstract thinking. He begins to like reasoning on abstract topics. The peculiarities of the transition period are that the sensations and perception of a person move to a new, higher level. A teenager more and more often analyzes his actions and the actions of others, focuses on important things, and is selective about the choice of a future profession. Creative and intellectual abilities are actively developing. In addition, the motivational sphere is changing, which begins to form on the basis of clearly set goals.

In the foreground - communication

For a teenager, the most important people are companions and friends. Adolescence is a time of active communication with peers. Through constant contact with each other, adolescents learn social interaction. Through communication, they satisfy their need for emotional contacts, which increases in adolescence. Human puberty also plays an important role. The adolescent's hormonal background changes, which leads to a change in behavior in society, interests and self-awareness. At this stage, it is important not to restrict the teenager in communication. This can lead to nervous breakdowns and prolonged depression. The teenager needs to communicate with peers. After all, this is an important factor in the formation of one's own opinion.

Adolescence and its mission

The adolescent transition period is characterized by the fact that a person moves to a new level in physiological and social terms. The most important acquisition that adolescence entails is the development of a sense of personal identity. The desire of a teenager to isolate himself from the intrusive attention of his parents can be considered quite normal. To identify as an adult, teenagers need to overcome emotional emancipation. The teenager must find freedom by "overstepping" children's emotional relationships. To enter adulthood, a person needs to gain intellectual independence.

In the period of adolescence, a teenager learns to think critically, begins to independently solve important issues. Behavioral autonomy, which manifests itself in a variety of life areas, is also an indicator of maturation. The teenager himself chooses his style of clothing, social circle, interests and preferences. This period does not have dire consequences or excesses. Parents only need to treat their child with condescension, calmness and understanding.

Age	Emotionality (expression of feelings, fears)	Identity confirmation (search for yourself, desires, interests)	Social relationships (parents, siblings, friends)
	Relaxed, content with life, usually cheerful mood. One of the happiest periods, there are few fears. The main reasons for tears are anger, fear, fear of the dark. Competitive spirit shows little	Doesn't worry too much about himself, thinks only about the present, plans for the future are vague. Desire to own property. Loves outdoor activities	Very connected with parents, loving, expansive, loves to participate in family affairs. Argues with siblings, girls have a difficult and tense relationship with one or more close friends. Boys come together in groups
	Sensitive, seeking self-affirmation, mood swings, outbursts of anger and aggression, passion for arguments. Restless and fearful: afraid of animals, darkness, heights. Competitive spirit and thirst for revenge. Frequent tears, anger, frustration	He is looking for himself, all the time in opposition, often in conflict with others, does not like criticism. Thoughts about the future appear. Desire to own property. Passion for collecting	The tendency to resist parents, turns the life of the family, but loves to participate in family affairs. Fights with siblings, deeply cordial and at the same time difficult relationship between girls. Boys get together
	Balanced, slow. Better self-control, sense of humor. Less upset, easier to be sad. Less fear, social concern. Fear of the dark, snakes, crowds, less aggressive	Finding yourself, trying to win the approval of others. Judges himself more objectively. Desire to own property. More realistic and more definite plans. Interest in nature	He is full of affection for his mother. Feels closer to his father than before. Loves family and family affairs, but begins to look for the company of friends outside the family. Better relationships with siblings. Girls start to be friends with boys
	Busy with himself, deep in himself. More reflective, passion for secrets. Most unhappy age: prone to disappointment and depression, very vulnerable. Less fearful. Anxiety about school activities. Social fears, desire for success	Search for oneself, attention to inner life. Love of loneliness. Striving to become an adult. Interest in your career and your marriage. Wish for peace and happiness to others. Personal preferences, loves sports	Less intimacy and less trust in relationships with parents. He noticeably tries not to participate in family affairs. Good relationships with siblings, especially older ones or much younger ones. Boys are less sociable than 12 years old. Girls are drawn to older boys
	Expansive and excited, extroverted, humorous. More cheerful, whims, bad mood. School, social life, own appearances are the most worrisome. Competitive spirit, desire to do well	Finding yourself, comparing yourself to others. Worries about being loved, striving for independence. Striving to become an adult. Desire to see the world better. Social interests and social activity, more balanced	Criticizes parents, is often ashamed of his family. Experiencing the need to destroy bridges and assert their independence. Difficulties with brothers and sisters of a similar age. Formation of groups and companies based on common interests. Girls are more interested in boys than boys are in girls
	Mood swings and apathy, a tendency to criticize, the desire to hide their feelings. Social fears. Striving for popularity and freedom, asserting one's own opinion	Interest in what separates adults from each other. Desire for personal happiness. Individual tastes and interests become more specific	Alienation from parents whose attempts to express love are rejected. Gains main satisfaction from social life with friends and outside the home. Better relationships with siblings. Mixed companies in which relationships develop and friendships arise with those whom they choose
	Friendly and accommodating. More accommodating and tolerant. Anxiety about the future. Taking care of your appearance. Striving for social success	Self-comprehension, independence. Believe in yourself. A state of balance and confidence. Pursuit of happiness, success and personal achievement	Excellent family relations, but prefers the company of friends to the company of parents. Protector of younger siblings, good rapport with older siblings. Friends are seen as a very important factor in life.

Some moments of behavior, for example, when a child at ten years old does not wash, is not interested in the needs of the family, depend only on upbringing. And the study is imperfect not only because it was carried out for a long time - it is harmed by the fact that it was carried out among children from Puritan families, and the recorded data on reactions are considered relative to an arbitrary norm, which nevertheless determines the "minimum" age.

Boys don't talk about masturbation until they turn twelve.

By the age of fourteen, nocturnal emissions lead, according to the survey, to feelings of guilt. If we consider that these children belong to Lutheran or Anabaptist families, then we must take into account a certain inhibition of sexual activity. Researchers do not record girls' interest in boys under the age of fifteen. And they see in it only a social phenomenon, while we are talking about passionate love and sexual relations. Nothing is said about the many experiences of "couples" having sex at the age of sixteen.

At this age, according to Wessell, adolescents are still masturbating. Nowadays, it is well known that sexual play and passionate love begins at the age of six or seven. Keeping them down to twelve is like adapting books for children.

Zhezelle quite definitely does not exclude that this could happen before, but, according to the study, among those who were interviewed, this did not happen before ten years.

It is believed that girls are interested in the growth of their breasts from the age of eleven. In fact, much earlier.

Consider what is most noticeable: signs of physical development. The table shows that there is no difference in digging between boys and girls, but girls are already showing signs of puberty, puberty, while most boys do not yet have such visible signs.

This is not true. Girls have breasts, boys - fluff above the upper lip. Physical changes are visible in them, as in girls, but these changes are different. Girls become prettier, boys more often become more disharmonious. There is a significant difference between the two sexes.

The appearance of the cannon at the base of the penis, at the age of twelve.

This can happen earlier. Be that as it may, this has not yet attached social significance to anyone ...

Another observation of eleven-year-old boys is that erections (possibly caused by touching during play or fighting) are the result of non-erotic stimuli.

Why "non-erotic"? All this is real erotica! When boys climb a tightrope, they may have an erection, of course, it is not a manifestation of love, but sexual arousal does not cease to be. And besides, in skirmishes between boys, in fights, enmity, rivalry arises. The question is being resolved, who is the first, who is the master, who is the servant, which is not so alien to the sexual sphere.

Sleep also evolves between ten and twelve years of age. Zhezelle studied the frequency of dreams and their nature. During puberty, there is a period - it comes earlier or later, it depends on the individual - when nightmares of varying severity are dreamed of.

Nightmares are inevitable because latency ends in puberty: puberty corresponds to the dying of childhood. There are nightmares when a child dreams that he is being killed or that he is being killed. It is imperative to get out of this. Until puberty, this cannot be done otherwise than through nightmares. I don’t know if it’s safe to say that pleasant dreams have dominated nightmares since the age of thirteen. But this may correspond to the end of the latency period.

Various types of tics are also inherent in adolescent development. Many children experience some physical awkwardness, especially when they speak. Teenagers do not know what to do with their hands, shifting from foot to foot. Added to this are various facial tics.

We see such tics mainly in young townspeople, they are much less common in villagers. Urban children are forced to restrain their motor functions. A twitching face, awkward movements in their case are also associated with a social and educational factor. However, this stage of emotional development is not inevitable.

Villagers move much more confidently. Those who are not in good control are condemned by city life to an eternally tense expression on their faces. There are even more in the United States than here. At least in the United States twenty years ago.

The time designated for sleep is amazing. In the socio-educational aspect, this requires compulsory measures. At twelve years old - nine hours and thirty minutes of sleep, a year older - nine hours. In between, however, nine o'clock had already turned into nine-thirty. Boarding house mode. Now one can only dream about it. Today, perhaps because of television, there is a lack of sleep in children.

With regard to social relations, the report emphasizes that siblings argue a lot.

The controversy ends by age fifteen, Jesell notes. This is true. From the moment a teenager has a real emotional or sexual relationship, siblings cease to interest him. In addition, it also depends on the surrounding society. Boys at thirteen are less sociable than at twelve, girls want to communicate with boys older than themselves. Boys are also looking for the company of girls older than themselves.

When it comes to group communication, ten-year-old girls, according to the study, tend to be more in love with another girl, while boys prefer to get together in groups. Have modern girls also started gathering in companies?

It must be said that starting from the age of ten, boys and girls tend to be included in a group of twos. And when they are in the company, it is more convenient for them to walk together too. But being only together is not enough for them, together they feel good when they are younger. Now they need to be alone to join the group they are about to enter. But they do not remain a couple in this group. They are a duo and one day they enter a grouping where the duets break up into small groups or other duos.

Just like girls go to dances together ...

Quite right. They go to the first dances together, and the boys too. They give each other the confidence they need to go there. Just as boys first go to a brothel together, sometimes three, but more often two, and alone for the first time they never go, they dare not. This is later, when they have already met some Zoë or Julie. they will go there one by one. Because the springboard for entering society is different, alter ego, and they do not "calm" each other, they both face life at the same time, simultaneously join a group and become members of this group. They have the same degree of understanding and the same experience.

Until the age of nine or ten, such an accompanying person may be a brother, sister, adult brother, but not a friend or girlfriend of the same sex. They do not go in the company and with comrades of the opposite sex. During puberty, the search for the opposite sex and new discoveries is easier to make together.

This is very important to note because it is one of the fundamental things. It has been this way since time immemorial. In the days of "Les Miserables" or in our time - it has always been so. The tandem phenomenon continues to be observed in adults who did not happen to gain faith in themselves. Many young women exchange personal items. The young man starts playing tennis because he met his friend who is engaged in it. Whereas he himself could perfectly enroll in a tennis club. Or do race walking. Another comes and says: "Come on, let's study together!" Why? It's not obligatory. Everyone gets pleasure only for themselves.

We see the same when visiting the cinema. Many adults, especially those in years, choose a film for themselves and go to the cinema alone. But many young people, despite the fact that there are several cinemas on every corner and you can watch different films, go to the same one, which is valuable only because you can sit in a dark room next to a friend. Not a girl you can touch.

In American society in the sixties, boys are separated from girls, but there is not the slightest sign of homosexuality.

Nothing like this. When the study points out: "no eroticism", then they want to say "homosexual." When it says “interested in someone,” it means “homosexual”. They are interested in girls, but not in the same way as boys.

Marguerite Duras[Duras Marguerite (b. 1914) - fr. writer, screenwriter, director.] in an interview in 1987, she said somewhat boldly: "All men are homosexuals."

All women too, all human beings. She was referring to selfishness not only on sexual grounds, more common among men than among women. Selfishness of behavior, even when outwardly a man shares her joy with a woman, even when he gives the woman this joy. I think this is the behavior of a late teenager. Young girls are worried that they can bring a child to the man they love, while the man who made the girl a child believes that "this is not his question." “These are not my problems, I don’t want to know anything about it,” he says. So the girl bears all the responsibility, for her it is a child from the one she loves.

According to Duras, even when a man strives to induce an orgasm in a woman, it is only the male's deeply selfish pride. Can this be so categorically asserted?

I think this is partly due to our current general neurosis, coming from the protracted adolescence in young people who have not received either maternal or paternal education. Their mothers love them, their fathers guide them, but they do not educate them. But fathers do not do anything to educate boys' feelings.

Fathers often feel that they cannot talk to boys; even when they themselves try, they do not listen to them.

Fathers are at a loss for words. They cannot find them, because the young man is protecting his privacy from intrusion.

Fathers are at a loss for words. They cannot find them, because the young man protects his privacy from intrusion. I think that young people react much more to actions than to words. Let the father not indulge in reasoning, but simply lives in perfect harmony with the values ​​that he supposedly defends in real life. If this is not the case, then everything he says is perceived as empty moralizing or something theoretical. A life example is important. Indeed, a young man wants to argue with an adult who adheres to his principles. It's good when you can say: “I don’t want to work like you, I don’t want to live like you, I don’t want me to like what you do, no way!” But you should at least be able to say it. And it is necessary that an adult be able to bring his own counter-arguments.

An adult must not curry favor with a teenager, telling him: "I will do what you like, I will talk to you the way you want, I will use your dictionary." Even if he wants to, he will not succeed. They either do not have their own vocabulary, or they invent onomatopoeia, code specifically to be different from everyone else.

What is the “chronology” of information on gender issues, when they learn about menstruation, sexual relations and childbirth? According to Zhezel, this information begins to flow from the age of eleven.

In most cases, by the age of eleven, children are already in the know. By the way, I will note, by the way, as I recently told the students of the third grade: I find it horrible when young people of fifteen are told about contraceptives, but at the same time no one - not in school, not in general in life - spoke to them about the nobility of conception. Or you need it once a year. inviting mothers and fathers to talk to them about what a father is, what is fatherhood, what is the awareness of motherhood, what is a legitimate child or an adopted child, what is entry into the world. All these concepts, combined with what the father and mother say, will allow the child to appreciate the sacrament of conception and the guardian role, the direct or indirect role of adults during the growing up of a teenager.

Teens are told about anti-conception drugs. And they never elevate the phenomenon itself.

And then for no apparent reason they are told about the means against conception. And they never elevate the phenomenon itself. I think this is a very serious moment, and it is necessary to immediately start sex education lessons in schools so that children learn to accept the fact of their own birth with dignity, no matter what their parents are, even if they even separated or, even worse, even if there is only one of them. and the name of the other is unknown. A new life was born, which means that only conception is interesting and important. I think if this is not taught, not taught and how to use contraceptives in such a way that it does not bring a dubious effect in the upbringing process.

"Who would I like?" This postulate leads girls to the fact that they are interested only in their feminine qualities, suitable for seduction, instead of thinking about how they will affect the feelings of another.

Do you think the following observation - a decrease in interest in sexual issues in girls of thirteen years old - matters? American questionnaires, however, show that fourteen-year-old girls show a great interest in the reaction of boys to them and in the process of childbirth. But it seems that they are very indifferent to sexuality itself.

If they are interested in the social aspects of the relationship between the sexes, then they begin to reject sexuality. Especially American kids. They are preoccupied with their performance rather than worrying about being and seeing themselves as individuals. The boy's attempts to attract attention and charm are hysterical. The position, which is to see in another person only an object for seduction, nevertheless denies sexuality. The petrified principles of upbringing, when a girl as a parting word receives only one thing: "Who would I like?" This postulate is the causative agent of a collective ethical neurosis, which leads girls to the fact that they are interested only in their feminine qualities, suitable for seduction, instead of thinking about how they will affect the feelings of another.

Transitional Rituals and Adolescent Plans

MODERN PARABLE

When I was still a very young psychoanalyst, shortly after the Second World War, I had one lyceum student; he was sent to a psychotherapist, and not because he was a bad student, just the teachers were in despair, because the boy was in the clouds all the time.

Sometimes I attended the Claude Bernard Lyceum, where a psychopedagogical department was opened for students who did well in elementary grades and began to get poor grades in the sixth or seventh.

Almost everyone had an IQ of 135 [that is, high.].

In the subway, I met a neighbor who had a workshop for elegant lingerie, she went there in the morning at the same time as I went to school for psychotherapeutic appointments. During the conversation, she asked:

Doctor, what are you doing right now?

Children who have a hard time at school, although they are smart and capable. Some kind of shock, emotional shock turned their psyche upside down, and now they cannot concentrate.

Oh, if you only knew, my son Christian has the same thing! I do not know what to do. He lost his father, he was killed in the war ... The boy loves aviation, but ...

So, so, interesting ...

Yes, but the teachers say that they can no longer keep him in the Lyceum ...

Then, on my advice, she sent her son to the Claude Bernard Center, and I began to study with him individually. Supportive psychotherapy, which in his case was only an introduction to psychoanalytic sessions, was enough to help the boy get out of this transitional adolescent state.

In the course of our conversations, he said that at the time when his dreams began, he began to perform the duties of a caretaker in the fitting room, in his mother's linen workshop. He was in the same room where she received clients. The flickering lingerie excited his imagination and made it difficult to work.

When he returned from the lyceum, he immediately found himself in a small shop, where the ladies tried on corsets and bras.

In dreams, he gave free rein to his sexuality.

I told him it’s okay to think about women. But in order not to expose himself to temptation and not to experience an unnecessary erection, he must ask his mother for permission to go straight home from the lyceum - after all, now he has grown up. He stopped working in the fitting room. I became more collected in the class. We continued our weekly meetings. During each session, he endlessly told me about the plane that he and a friend had designed in the basement of their house. They worked together, in the evenings and on weekends. Everything else did not interest him so much that he did not even pay attention to one practical "detail": the only exit from the basement was a narrow window. The plane, which they will one day assemble, was doomed to remain where it was, but this was still unknown to me. I followed the progress of the assembly, he showed me plans, drawings. Finally I asked:

Have you already attached the wings to the stringer? How do you think to get the plane out of the basement?

He thought about it.

Indeed, we have completely forgotten about the day when he will have to take off.

This did not upset the boy. This means that he overcame the transition to adolescence and separation from childhood.

An eccentric tomboy, he lived in two dimensions: the first level - dreaming - encouraged him to work hard on his plane, although he had no way of getting the plane out of the basement. On the level of reality, this was realized as follows: he worked for two years for his own pleasure and now he did not regret anything, because he fulfilled his dream by building an airplane in the basement of his mother's house.

Parable: a beautiful bird that will not fly, but that flew in him and which made his dreams come true in homosexual friendship.

Together with a friend, they make a grand phallus that will fly away on the wings ... This is a sublimated representation of a beautiful bird. Now you can find yourself a job that really gives wings.

Here is an excellent example of fruitful substitution [Substitution (according to 3. Freud) is a defense mechanism for reducing anxiety while satisfying an unacceptable motive. A motive that cannot be satisfied in one form is channeled into a new channel. - Note. ed] in a society where the rituals of the transition period into adolescence have been destroyed. There is no more ritual of initiation, no institution of apprenticeship.

In the course of this psychotherapy, the transition did not have a dual character. The boy was full of confidence, but not in love.

Ten years later, after learning my address in the medical department, this young man wanted to see me. He became a test pilot. I was going to get married. The girl he loved insisted that he give up his profession and only then marry her. He wanted to be with her, but he had no desire to quit his risky profession, which also brought a large salary and bonuses.

I tell her, my fiancee: “This is very good for a woman. If I die, the widow will receive huge compensation. " What is she afraid of?

If she loves me, she must also love the work I am doing. This is a great job, since it provides not only a wife, but also a widow.

He came to me five or six times to talk about his marriage, wondering whether he should sacrifice his profession. Then he sent a letter saying that he was getting married. The last words were: "I am no longer at the age to be a test pilot, except in exceptional cases, but I am training parachutists."

I have not seen him since when he, being a high school student, told me about a heavenly bird locked in the basement of his mother's house. Having become a man and having acquired real wings, he came to me for advice: "How can a woman decide to marry a man who risks dying young?" He was, apparently, circumspect and therefore survived.

Not once during our conversations with the Christian Lyceum student did I suspect that the basement did not look like a garage with wide doors or a movable wall.

If I was in a hurry and asked: "But how will you get the plane out?" - I would stop construction. I would have prevented Christian. I could have ruined everything. This is exactly what parents do too often with their teenagers.

Here we have reached a critical moment: it is necessary for an adult to see what is in the heart of a child, and not to seek a high percentage of rationality in adolescent projects.

I knew a teacher whose students were going to spend the whole day with the whole class at the Eiffel Tower. The whole class was preparing for this event, developing the smallest details: metro plans, train schedules and ticket prices were studied.

The teacher knew that the project was not feasible due to lack of funds.

For three months he taught them to read, write and count, consulting the guides and plans of Paris, plotting the route, working out the program for each day. It was so interesting to invent, to invent travel. The disciples were in a latency period: eight to eleven years.

It is necessary that the adult sees what is in the heart of the child, and does not seek a high percentage of rationality in adolescent projects.

The teacher did not tell them in advance, “This is not possible. We will never collect the required amount. " Anyone who knew that the goal was unattainable did not say about it. I believe that this is education.

In the latency phase, the dreams of the little boy from The Lovely Orange Tree are no longer enough [My Lovely Orange Tree is an autobiographical novel by José Mauro de Vasconcelos (1882-1959), a Mexican writer. philosopher and statesman. - Note. ed.], who strove, in accordance with his age, to poetic creation, to magic. Children want specifics. Later, when they were no longer students, they met with the teacher.

Remember our trip to the Eiffel Tower? It was amazing!

Travel? .. But it never happened.

How was it not?

They forgot that the project was not implemented.

So adults invent newspapers that will never be published, inventors make models of new cars that will never drive ...

Man needs projects. The old nation suffers from a lack of great daring. Utopia is the reality of tomorrow.

Man needs projects. The old nation suffers from a lack of great daring. Utopia is the reality of tomorrow. Politicians make promises without a program of coming to power. Great reforms give birth to an innovative spirit. They may not be completed, but it is important to try. At the very least, this will give room for useful experience and will contribute to the emergence of new ideas, mental development.

Adults only destroy the world in which teenagers want to hide, telling them: "This is impossible."

Adults, on the other hand, only destroy the world in which teenagers want to hide, telling them: "This is impossible."

DEATH INITIATION AND Escape

In the oldest initiation rituals among the tribes that settled from Australia to South Africa, from Tierra del Fuego to Oceania, right up to Tahiti, there is one common point - the presence of the death-initiation ritual in the drama.

Newcomers, neophytes, must, in order to pass into another quality, go through the dying of childhood.

The symbolic separation from the mother is presented in a dramatic manner. The Aboriginal Trial by Fire is probably the most archaic male initiation ceremony. The convert, who is symbolically killed, confronts a mythical force that knows the secret that connects heaven and earth.

Circumcision is an action performed by the Supreme Spirit, which is carried out by special people and ritual instruments. Blood is the main element of this sacred rite.

The ceremonies are accompanied by mooing, a roar, which is imitated by a man: in accordance with the religious ideas of primitive people, it is an expression of male creative ability and the spontaneous dark principle of “heavenly thunder”.

In West Africa, among the Seer and Wolof tribes, circumcision is done late: from fifteen to twenty years, since it is associated with maturity.

Ethnologist Arnold van Jennep explains why the age of circumcision varies: contrary to common misconception, this is not a ritual, but a social act associated with the onset of puberty (in the somatic sense).

Society has always distinguished between psychological and social maturity.

For boys, an incision means the ritual transformation of a neophyte into a woman: a certain stage at which the neophyte, through a ritual act, symbolically loses for a time the male ability to give life to his own kind.

Initiation rites are probably related to the concept of symbolic castration. I believe this is the main thing that we must remember today from these ethnological observations.

Collective trials help young people overcome guilt, some kind of impairment that young creatures suffer from, since the transitional period that a teenager went through alone, without support, is experienced as a violation. In this period, the presence of any danger is necessary, a threat that must be resisted. In this case, the violation turns into initiation, and the fear of raping someone or being raped (or castrated) disappears.

The individual realization of a teenager is not his initiation into social life, the life of a group, as it was in ancestral societies.

The project cannot replace the rituals of the transition period. But perhaps he is able to alleviate it.

The rituals of transition served the community, which needed to keep all its members, they allowed them to attract young people to the clan, to give them the opportunity to face danger while in the bosom of the tribe, and these dangers are initiation rituals. Scary. You have to be extraordinary to withstand them alive. Society, as it were, offers a model.

In our time, when there is no family or social model, and the example of the father is becoming more and more relative, there are no initiation rituals, but maybe a youthful project, a dream, is to some extent a test of danger with a certain degree of caution. the very thing that will help childhood die so that its bearer can move to another level of maturity in collective life.

The first stage is the opportunity to make some money. This is a stumbling block for today's young. Have your own home, a girlfriend, the ability to have children. And this is not a sign of time, this ideal is eternal.

In the movie "July Date" a small group of friends dreams of going to Africa, to the pygmies. The "head of the expedition" is knocking on all doors to collect the necessary funds. The case is dragging on. There are long conversations between the members of the expedition. And on the day when he, triumphantly, announces to them: "Everything is ready, we can perform!" - it turns out that some have already cooled down and the charm of an old dream has disappeared for them.

The teenager is characterized by the fact that he is fixed on a long-term project, which is nurtured in time and space, different from those in which he has lived until now.

It looks like an escape, but the escape is not criminal, unless the parents, in their anxiety, regard it as "transaggressive."

This is really an escape. Escape is a trick of a negative nature, a sign that the child has reached the adolescence phase and that he does not see a way out for his impulses in reality. He escapes, withdrawing into himself, or actually escaping from home (see Appendix II).

A good decision is to fuel a teen's dream that is about to come true.

Have you observed and contributed to the transition in the lives of your own children?

Nobody suppressed the "flight" of my sons, since they had enough opportunities to indulge in far-reaching dreams. This explains the fact that I did not notice the difficulties of their transition to an adult state from adolescence. From the age of sixteen they traveled long distances. They were prepared for this. I respected their freedom. They began to spend their holidays abroad very early, each summer with a different family. Jean (Carlos), senior, wrote letters to me. He wrote like a reporter. Grisha (Gregoire) called. He was laconic. He only answered yes or no to my questions. I didn't know if he liked being abroad or if it depressed him.

Anything else you want to tell me?

Three days later I receive a letter from him: "How good we talked with you on the phone!" His memory is full of interesting stories.

When part of the path has already been passed, the question-answer system no longer works. "What are you doing?" - this is not the question to ask the child. Better to ask, "Do you have a boyfriend who is dating girls?" The implication is: "Whatever you tell me, I will not tell anyone, everything will remain between us." Establish trust first. This is the priority of the priorities.

Adult behavior often exacerbates adolescent difficulties.

I must say that adolescence for my children was a period of expansion. From the age of sixteen they traveled completely alone: ​​to Yugoslavia, Turkey. My son Grisha was in Peru. At seventeen - in South Africa, next year - in Cuba.

Adult behavior often exacerbates adolescent difficulties.

Adolescence itself prepares separation from parents in the latent phase - in a controlled manner. So, at the age of twelve or thirteen, they can propose, in the form of an extreme, to send them to travel, the parents will agree, and they will leave with parental money and with their participation. They gain an amazing experience without breaking the connecting thread with their family (a need arising at different stages), which does not prevent them from moving away, all the time, however, reporting their affairs. This is one of the secrets of how to survive adolescence.

When my sons started to leave home on their own business, tension arose between them and their father, who wanted to control them.

You left at such and such an hour. What did you do?

There is nothing wrong with that if it is said once or twice. My husband set the order "until midnight," and Jean came later. And he decided to leave home. The youngest stayed, but stopped talking to his father. He found himself a different refuge and a different companionship.

Young people who stay at home in 1988 value family, loyalty, love, health the most. These are belated teenagers.

The appearance of the young is nothing more than a tribute to fashion. Isn't it a group self-affirmation, a way of dressing, or is it self-defense?

One is related to the other. The requirement to be equally dressed from six to eleven years later, in adolescence, gives rise to paradoxical differences between them. Precisely because they do not want to be similar to each other internally, they wear the same clothes. They pretend that they are not at all interested in their appearance and the opinion of their comrades, while the only ones they depend on are dad and mom.

At the stage of adolescence, the same "disguise" is observed: they dream about the clothes of their clan, about their "outfit" - punks, rockers, "babaul", "new wave" ... Young people hide their true dissimilarity inside. My son Jean never paid attention to what he wears ... except for shoes: he wanted to have sharp-toed shoes - then these were in vogue. He wore, in my opinion, tasteless things. Poor quality soles. They wore out quickly. But the pointed shoes were a bit of a fetish for him. It surprised me. Boys have a homosexual period when they show exaggerated attention to their clothes.

Observation of a contradictory property. The importance of footwear for the generation of boots ... Young people like to go barefoot all year round.

Modern boys attach more importance to shoes than girls. They buy Chilean and Brazilian shoes. My children had money to buy clothes. They went to the shops themselves and bought their own things. Once Jean asked me to go with him so that the saleswoman “would not press” on him: “You will not press me. And she wants me to buy what I don’t like. ” He said yes, no matter what they offered him.

You agree with everything.

I agree, because I'm waiting for you to decide for me.

Grisha was not at all interested in what and how he was wearing. He could buy a pullover and come home with a ripped sleeve, not even remembering what he was hooked on.

Your sleeve is torn ...

Ah, but it's not hot!

Adolescence is a very good time to teach a teenager to take responsibility for himself as early as possible without arguing with him.

Not to challenge is not to approve. In an atmosphere of mutual trust, global denial is a mutual right. Not a global denial of personality, no, we are talking about the rejection of common attitudes, when people agree on coexistence with obvious disagreements among themselves and do it with open doors.

When young people want to leave the family environment and are experiencing difficulties: they are already eighteen to twenty years old, and adults are abusing their power, then this barbaric neologism "parentectomy" (family surgery) is born, as if we are talking about amputation.

Parentectomy! The surgical image looks cruel, but it correctly expresses the need to “cut it alive” so that the belated teenager can finally free himself from family ties.

Your boyhood? What do you remember most about that time?

Patience. I knew I had to wait. I knew I couldn't leave, I didn't have a single sous, I couldn't even buy a bus ticket. I didn't have any freedom to maneuver. And I patiently endured my position, bearing in mind the only prospect - to be able to live on my own when I reach adulthood.

If a teenager has a project, even a long-term one, it will save him. Something needs to feed his designs. This is what makes waiting bearable when you are in the purgatory of youth, in a state of powerlessness and economic dependence. Mother helped me understand exactly what I wanted by the very fact of my resistance.

Your child grows up and one day begins to take offense if you did not prudently call him a child. This means that the time has come when he is ruthlessly and courageously ready to part with his childhood. Don't stop the teenager from growing up - better help, given some very important characteristics of adolescence ...

The peculiarities of adolescence are not only defiant behavior and the first acne on the face. During the period of growing up, the child is forced to experience colossal "overloads", especially psychological ones, and it is the parents who must help him pass this test "without losses" ...

Who are they - teenagers?

Domestic psychologists consider children from 11 to 15 years old to be adolescents. Is yours already mature? Even yesterday's baby, who asked, and maybe demanded attention and constant participation, becomes withdrawn, laconic in communication with you, sometimes even allows himself “bad words”. He already has secrets from you, and it is possible that they are really very important ones, which can affect the whole subsequent life - both him and yours, by the way.

As a self-expression, he cultivates external symbols - bright strands in his hair, "strange" clothes, perhaps even symbolic jewelry or tattoos, and you never know what else. Perhaps the study has become worse.

The transitional age is a period of great excitement for parents. Almost all families pass through them sooner or later. So do not despair - you are not alone, which means that you can find a suitable way out of any situation.

Your child is “transitioning” from childhood to adulthood. Well, any time of change is unsettling and ambiguous. Only one thing is certain - he still, and maybe even more, needs your love and understanding.

In adolescence (especially at 14-15 years old), children become especially secretive and aloof. Do not be intimidated by this! And in no case blame the child for coldness, indifference and betrayal. Just let the teenager adapt to the new features of the "adult" world for him, but at the same time do not let him forget that you are always ready to support him, and that you love him no less than before ...

Features of adolescence you should know about

The first feature. In early adolescence (11-13 years old), creative and logical thinking is still "recruits" in mental activity. And in the school curriculum, the percentage of tasks of a logical nature that require a creative approach increases - essays, essays, reports, speeches, etc. Before writing, say, a report, you need to think about its structure and find the information you need. It is quite difficult for a teenager to cope with this, he has not yet developed the ability for preliminary planning. And often a parent driven to despair, showing the above skills, writes an essay for his child himself.

If you see that it is easier for a child to evade than to cope with such a task, take the time and just help the child make a plan, as well as find sources of information - textbooks, dictionaries, encyclopedias, articles on the Internet. Then it will be much easier for him to cope with the task, and at the same time interest will wake up.

The second feature. Your teenager is actively developing, and, accordingly, the motivation for actions and behavior in general changes. Previously, it was enough to ask "please mom" or peremptory "so it is necessary" for the child to resignedly attend music school, but now he openly refuses to "strum" or simply starts to skip classes. The same situation can arise in relation to academic subjects.

Only when your child begins to realize the importance of this or that activity for himself personally, it will cease to be burdensome for him. However, it is precisely her - the significance - that a teenager will not always be able to assess independently. What can you do, his life experience is still extremely small! Your task is to present, with a share of ingenuity and imagination, prospects that are likely to become a sufficient argument for the continuation of one or another of the child's activities.

For example, colorfully explain that the ability to play the guitar will allow him to easily get used to any company, and his drawing skills will amaze the imagination of the teenage community with some extraordinary graffiti ...

The third feature. An often annoying feature of adolescence for adults is the instability of the child's interests. Parents sometimes do not have time to track how often their child changes hobbies. Last week he played the guitar, yesterday he asked for money to buy videos, and today he wants to learn German - come here a teacher. It's okay - the more he tries, the easier it will be to make the right choices in the future. Every time when the chosen business turns out badly, most teenagers easily and unpretentiously change their area of ​​interest. They have something that up to the fact that you paid a German teacher six months in advance ...

So be careful. Help your "frivolous" child choose an activity that he would be able to do. You might be lucky to avoid frequent changes in his expensive hobbies, and at the same time he will develop confidence in his capabilities. And in this case, do not forget about the second feature - the visible prospect of labor will give the teenager an additional incentive.

The fourth feature. At this age, a new image of the physical "I" is formed. Interest in one's appearance rises exponentially, all its flaws are acutely experienced - most often imaginary. It is extremely important for a teenager to assess his appearance by others, especially peers, and, of course, compliance with fashion trends. Maximalism and enthusiasm for creative searches in transforming their appearance sometimes terrify parents and teachers. Calm down and become more tolerant - the teenager is very vulnerable.

It is in adolescence that children for the first time (and so far, alas, excessively) scrutinize their appearance. And often they are unforgivably critical of themselves ...

Contemptuous or mocking statements are unacceptable, especially since they are mostly unfair. Careless remarks by adults or friends about the appearance - and these experiences will occupy the thoughts and feelings of the child for a long time. There is no time for studying. And therefore, your help in choosing the image of a teenager will be invaluable if you look through a fashion magazine with him, voice the advantages of his appearance and think about how to emphasize them. At the very least, you will not be dull during this time.

The fifth feature. We hope that you are not very traumatized by the child's desire to communicate more with peers than with you. At this age, the need to communicate with their own kind is extremely significant.

And the entry into adulthood in the overwhelming majority of cases is accompanied by the first love sung by poets more than once. Adolescents cannot resist the onslaught of new feelings, desires, sensations, they have not yet developed cultural norms of behavior, and self-control is insufficiently developed.

Your understanding, tactful advice, heart-to-heart talk in new and emotionally difficult situations for a teenager are simply invaluable. It’s good if school teachers are just as understanding, but we don’t have to rely on this today. And if your "kid" has invited a whole class for his birthday, you will help him and yourself, as well as save the apartment from pogrom, if you tactfully help him plan this wonderful holiday and outline the boundaries of what is permissible in advance.

Feature six. A teenager is characterized by personal instability - he oscillates between blind obedience and rebellion against any pressure, between optimism and pessimism. The child realizes that he is a person, a person capable of taking responsibility for his life and making responsible decisions, but objectively he is not yet able to be truly responsible. Therefore, control is necessary, but not strict and directive, otherwise the child will do everything out of spite. Do not press, because he sublimates his independence by an unproductive struggle against the “ancestors”.

The fear for one's "blood" is understandable - there are indeed many dangers in the world. But the only effective defense against them is to learn to be responsible for your behavior, to see these dangers and avoid them. Even if the child makes a mistake, he will have his own life experience. This is the very path by which everyone grew wiser and grew up, and you too.

Your control is a constant relationship of trust, participation in the life of a teenager. Be prepared to always listen to your child. Offer him your advice, but leave it to the teenager to use it. Your passionate attempts to convince the child of the incorrectness of his decisions will not lead to the desired result - he will see in this only an attempt to impose his opinion and subjugate his will. But it will not be superfluous to tell your child that you are worried, worried about him and worried. And do not forget to tactfully point out the possible consequences of his action that you see.

Feature seventh. The combination of external rudeness and internal vulnerability is another feature of adolescence. Parents who are worried about their child's problems show increased attention to him with a "negative charge." It can be condemnation, criticism of his appearance, or just an expression of your dissatisfaction. Very often, in response to our excessive anxiety, the teenager becomes withdrawn and rude, and this, by the way, is a natural defensive reaction.

Do not force your growing child to defend against you, do not forget to praise, notice all his successes. If he made a decision and turned out to be right, it is necessary to appreciate his perseverance and independence at its true worth. Please do not display your truly ephemeral adult superiority, always maintain a friendly and respectful tone. When you are worried, upset, angry, you are most likely acting impulsively. Note - the result is zero. If you express confidence that your child understands everything himself and makes the right decision, this will be the right move. Be sure to offer advice, however.

If a teenager trusts you, then he will definitely take note of your own plan of action. Just tell him frankly what you would do in this or that difficult situation, but be sure to make it clear to the child that you leave it to him to make the final decision.

Feature eighth. If you and I do something wrong, life punishes us. The child, on the other hand, has a unique chance - he can choose the reward and punishment himself. This is such a very adult game. When children make choices of reward and punishment, they become more aware of the consequences of their behavior, and this increases their responsibility. It is always best to use encouragement and it is important that the promised reward is received. What can it be? In fact, you will be surprised, but children do not always strive to receive only material rewards.

In a survey conducted among pupils of grades 7-8 of one school near Moscow, to the question "The most desirable encouragement", teenagers for the most part chose not clothes and fashionable gadgets, but kind parental words addressed to them and ... quite childish desires - to pat on the head, hug , Pat on the shoulder. For some parents, this was a revelation - such a child's desire to get the whole family together, have a sweet tea party or have a picnic in the countryside. Isn't this a revelation for you?

The world of a teenager is complex, and it can be difficult for us adults to penetrate into it. Try to assess how real your ideas about your own child - your "prickly", such a beloved and intolerable teenager are. Spend a survey game at home with your child. The questions are quite simple, but they assume absolutely honest and frank answers without fear of censure or condemnation on your part:

• What do my parents like about me?
• What do my parents dislike about me?
• What would I like to change in my relationship with my parents?

And then be sure to address the same questions to yourself: what do I like about my child, what do I dislike, and what would I like to change in our relationship with him? And compare the answers. Believe me, the most unexpected discoveries are possible that will help you become closer, understand each other, experience a new "attack of love", and this is the best thing a parent of a teenager can ever wish for ...

People themselves do not notice how quickly they grow up. Growing up is often a change in the understanding of the world and life over time. Over time, a person gets older and gains new experiences. In this case, the question of physiology, which changes from year to year, is not touched upon, but the way of thinking of a person, his views and principles. That is why many do not understand what is the specificity of growing up and how it happens. It turns out that it will not be possible to get an answer to the presented question, since each person is individual in his own way, and therefore, growing up also occurs individually.

Growing up concept and milestones

Growing up is a long period of a person's life, in which it is customary to distinguish the following stages:

• early adulthood (20-40 years old);
• stage of middle adulthood (40-60 years old);
• late adulthood stage (60 years and older).

The stages presented differ in their features and characteristics. However, a person is an individual personality, so it turns out to be very difficult to apply age restrictions. After all, his subjective idea of ​​his age and himself as a whole significantly affects his demeanor and development process. As a result, the concept of “age hours” is used in relation to adults, and the problem of growing up becomes more urgent every day and requires increased attention.

The concept of "age hours" and three independent ages

The age clock is a kind of graph that shows the internal state of an individual and allows you to determine how much a person is ahead of the main and important events in his life or lagging behind them: school, university, marriage, the birth of children and the achievement of a certain status in society. Along with the concept of "age hours", three concepts of age began to be distinguished:

• biological age shows how much a person corresponds to a certain moment in life;
• the social degree of a person's compliance with the norms of a particular culture, which are considered in the context of biological age;
• psychological age shows how much the level of human intelligence corresponds to the conditions of society, motor skills, attitudes, feelings.

Regardless of the listed concepts, there are several stages of personality maturation, which also require special attention.

Childhood - from birth to 11 years

Childhood is the brightest After all, he has to go through the greatest path in his individual development from being unable to do anything to a child's personality adapted to the world around him.

As a rule, during the first 10 years of life, the child's psyche goes through a path that is incomparable with each of the subsequent age periods. Such a passage in life is primarily due to the orthogenetic characteristics of age. Thus, we can say that childhood is oriented by natural prerequisites for the intensification of development. Regardless, this movement does not determine, and natural prerequisites only advance the child in childhood from one stage of life to another.

It is important to note that the child's body is developing rapidly during this age period. He also has his own "I", his own concepts and understanding of certain things. During childhood, the child develops psychologically, begins to communicate, feel, realize his uniqueness and show his abilities in important life situations.

Adolescence - from 11 to 16 years

The adolescent period presupposes the growing up of a child and is a life stage for the self-identification of a person, that is, his self-determination. Constantly being in a social environment, the child is separated from parental values ​​and seeks to try on others. Parents often try to master the psychological territory of their child, which becomes the cause of disagreements and conflicts that turn into the struggle for freedom.

Growing up is an important process that entails the transition from a child's understanding of the world around him to an adult worldview. Throughout adolescence, children begin to reflect on their future life and professional activities. In this case, parents gradually release their children into the adult world, thereby freeing up their psychological territory. However, dependence remains not only on parents in the material aspect, but also on the model of behavior and values ​​of the family.

Youth - 16 to 19 years old

Youth is a stage in life, which, given the uncertainty of the territory of the personality of an adult child, develops into a struggle with parents. And despite the material support of the parents, they will not be able to change anything. It is at this stage that almost all of the responsibility for their actions and making important decisions is transferred to children along with freedom. Often, parents try to keep their children near them and take on some of the responsibilities, which subsequently leads to serious problems.

Youth - from 19 to 35 years old

Youth is rightfully considered an important period in life, when partnerships are established in relations between children and adults, as well as the interaction of psychological territories. Both parents and children are always ready to support and help each other, without hindering the fulfillment of everyone's needs.

As a rule, the area of ​​interaction is preserved, and rules are established that are beneficial both for some and for others. However, it should be noted that at this stage the growing up of a girl is markedly different from that of a boy.

Maturity - 35 years old and older

Mature age is devoid of the specifics inherent in the rest of life periods. People spend most of their time at work. Despite this, economic considerations dominate - work also helps organize time and is an area of ​​communication where a sense of need and self-esteem is maintained. Thus, it is pleasant to combine working hours with the possibility of free choice and independent decision-making.

As a rule, upon reaching the age of 30, people strive to find themselves in life: they make long-term plans and begin to achieve them. After some time, some try to free themselves from the power of other people and assert their independence. After 40 years, men often begin to reflect on what they have achieved in life, and, evaluating the results, draw appropriate conclusions. After 45 years, a midlife crisis sets in, which most individuals manage to cope with.

Finally

Growing up is a wonderful period in a person's life, which is individual for everyone. After all, only in the process of growing up does the formation of personality take place. It is this bright life stage that helps to become more restrained and tolerant towards people. There is no longer any rebelliousness, the person becomes calm and more personable, which is actually not bad.

The process of growing up allows you to gain experience, which gradually helps to realize your plans. However, every effort should be made to preserve the childhood dream, which makes a person an individual person. You should not be afraid to live, grow up, because this is a new stage in life that everyone has to go through.