How to understand that the ex-husband wants to return to the family. If the ex-husband wants to return The husband asks to return, but I do not want

25.12.2020

One of the hardest things about a breakup or divorce is when the person who used to be the center of your universe no longer wants to be a part of your life. And the worst thing about this, besides the pain of parting, changing habits, social circle, material and emotional components, worldview and plans for the future, is when you remain suspended in the air, not being sure whether or not to wait for him back.

However, knowing for sure that your ex does not want to return, you should move on, no matter how hard it is. If you don't, you'll end up spending a lot of time in fruitless and woeful waiting while your ex freely enjoys his new life.

Here are 10 signs that will help you understand whether reconciliation is worth counting on:

Your ex is not returning your calls or messages.

It's okay if he doesn't respond a few days after the breakup. Maybe he just needs time and space free from you in order to think and make a decision. However, if after weeks and months he doesn't bother to "see" your messages and never picks up or calls back, even if you call every day, then it's clear that the person doesn't want to communicate with you anymore.

All your items and/or gifts have been returned.

It's usually hard to get things back after a breakup if you still love the person, because that means letting them go forever. That's why if your ex gives you back what you gave him, returns the photo and your personal things, it may be a sign that he has already let you go.

Your ex makes no effort to reconcile, and your efforts are taken for granted.

If after a few weeks or months you are still doing everything to get him back, but he doesn't seem to care about it, then you better stop. You are only wasting time. If the person still wants you back, they won't ignore you for a long time because they can't take the fact of breaking up with you for granted.

He tells you, "I'm tired."

When a person gets tired of a relationship, he does not want to continue it. So, if your ex tells you that he is tired of you, then accept this fact and then stop pushing for a meeting. You better give him a place and time to rest: if the reason is only fatigue, taking a break from each other can help both you and him rethink your relationship and make a final decision.

His family no longer accepts you.

Usually, if you are welcomed and recognized in your boyfriend's or husband's house, you become part of the family. Therefore, whenever the two of you fight each other, they will tell you about reconciliation. They will even bring you back to reconcile. However, if the family is already cold to you this time around, it might be because your ex has made it clear to them that he doesn't want to come back anymore.

Your ex doesn't want to see you.

If your ex still loves and wants to take care of you, then he will be dying to see you again. However, if after several of your invitations for lunch or coffee, the ex does not agree to a meeting, then he is not interested in returning to you.

What about random collisions with each other? If your ex seems unperturbed and not happy to see you after a few weeks or months of separation, then this means that he does not want to hear from you or see you anymore. If a person is still not indifferent to you, then the moment of the meeting would be especially emotional for him.

He speaks openly about new relationships and freely posts information about them on social networks.

Even if you have already broken up, but your ex still loves you, he will not want you to suffer. No loving man will do anything that would completely alienate you, because he still hopes for reconciliation. However, if he's already dating someone else, and especially if he's doing it in public, it means you were just not aware of the infidelity. And then you already know for sure the answer to the question of whether to wait for your ex back or not.

He doesn't care if you're dating someone new.

Similarly, if your ex doesn't seem to care that you've already found someone new, then he's no longer with you. If he still loves, he usually expresses anger or bitterness directly or indirectly. He can stand up to the opponent and can even make you and him understand that he wants you back.

You are being told that you deserve someone better.

This line of behavior is a cliché commonly used when "kicking" someone out of a relationship. Usually this excuse is used by a man to free himself from the guilt of hurting someone. Someone who truly loves their partner will do whatever it takes to earn that person's attention. So, if your ex keeps using this trick on you every time you try to get back with him, you need to understand what his words really mean.

He seems happy and content with his current life.

If the breakup was not a loss for your ex, then it shows in his behavior. Yes, it's normal when he misses you, but if he seems to have calmed down without you, then he may think that breaking up was a good decision. You can see this if he doesn't look tense, gloomy or lifeless - common signs when a person is going through a difficult time.

If you notice at least half of the signs listed above, then do not harbor illusions: he will not return. Believe me, everything will still be fine, and life does not end when the love for you passes. There are many more reasons to keep going. Don't focus on your loss. Instead, be grateful for the attentions you receive and appreciate the people who continue to be with you.

Read my other articles:

Couples converge and diverge equally often, but former lovers do not always realize that they are breaking up forever. Sometimes partners continue to communicate closely and pretend that they have become good friends, sharing everyday joys and sorrows. And one day a man thinks about the fact that he broke up with his girlfriend in vain once, and decides to return the relationship. And then the confused woman frantically starts calling her friends and utters the cherished phrase “The former wants me!” hoping to get some valuable advice. Stop! Do not rush and make an important decision based on emotions. Let's try to understand the situation of departures and returns of men to former lovers.

A few words about returns

Oddly enough, but the situation from the category of "the former wants me" is repeated very often. And many women make the same mistake, hoping that the second time the relationship will turn out differently, and the couple has only a series of bright and happy days on the horizon. However, family psychologists are not so optimistic. Of course, they leave a small percentage of the successful outcome of the next return of a man to his former lover, but still note that more than eighty percent of relationships that have received a second chance end in a break and complete disappointment of partners in each other.

Why are they leaving?

So, what should an abandoned woman do when she realizes that the relationship has another chance? First of all, she should ask herself the question: “Why does the ex want me?” And perhaps, if we analyze the main reasons for the departure of men from the family.

We’ll make a reservation right away that there are quite a lot of them, but experts identify four that are most common in our reality:

1. Finding convenience

Psychologists distinguish a special category of men who are not able to make efforts to build harmonious relationships. They are always on the lookout for a convenient option to jump to.

2. Immaturity

Some representatives of the strong half of humanity, despite the outward brutality, are absolutely not ready for a serious relationship. Having plunged into everyday life, especially with the appearance of a baby in the family, they feel offended, set goals with difficulty, cannot take responsibility for certain decisions, and, in the end, follow their desires, leaving the family.

3. Outside influence

Infantile men tend to be influenced by stronger personalities. It can be close relatives, friends and even leaders. This type of men will always listen to opinions from the outside and can easily leave their beloved under pressure from others.

4. Life circumstances

Even a strong partner can make a mistake and, under the influence of certain problems, abandon the relationship. Sometimes the reason for leaving can be very good, and it will take time for a man to solve the problem, weigh the pros and cons and make the right decision.

By the way, it is the men who broke off relations for the last reason that most often return.

Why are they eager to return?

"Ex wants me!" - the realization of this is dizzying even for those women who have already begun to build new relationships. A former lover who suddenly appeared on the threshold, cherished words of regret and apology can turn the most icy heart into a real flame. Especially if the feelings have not cooled down yet, and so you want to start all over again. But psychologists advise against trusting your emotions. They encourage women to ask the difficult question: “Why does my ex want me back?” Unfortunately, the reason can be more than prosaic and far from girlish dreams:

Convenience. Most often, men return not because they have strong feelings, but only because of convenience. In separation, they may realize how well the beloved organized their life or met their sexual needs, for example. Also, a man could simply not make a new girlfriend during the breakup and simply called all the former in the hope of receiving warmth and care.
Sharp sensations. Some representatives of the stronger sex love relationships at the peak of emotions. To do this, they use the psychological swing, accompanied by separations and reunions. For some time, a couple can exist in this mode, but there can be no talk of a serious relationship here.
Ownership instinct. It is known that men are big owners. In a relationship, they want the woman to belong to them undividedly, and even after parting, they want to know that the former lover will be available to them at any moment.
Awareness of mistakes. In the “ex-boyfriend wants me back” story, this reason for returning is the rarest and most favorable. Naturally, it does not guarantee that everything will turn out well the second time, but it still gives a high chance of happiness.

My ex wants me back: fact or speculation?

Sometimes there are quite warm relations between the former. This is possible if the separation was calm and people tried to keep only good memories of each other. However, after a while, it begins to seem to the woman that the former has the same feelings for her and is eager to return her. How to determine this for sure? We will give you some tips:

the former carefully hides his personal life so as not to hurt you;
from posts on social networks, messages and accidentally thrown words, it becomes clear that he misses;
he often calls for no reason;
tries to be closer in any company;
talks openly about your lost relationship, with warmth and regret in his voice;
in many conversations, the ex mentions that he has completely changed;
jealous of your friends and fans;
appears in any place where you can be;
writes and calls you every time he drinks;
does not forget your relatives and often communicates with them.

If you have ticked more than half of the listed signs, then you can safely say: “My ex-husband wants me!”

How to know if you need an ex

Any woman is flattered when they want her back. This raises self-esteem and gives confidence, but it is not always possible for ladies to understand their emotions and understand whether it is worth renewing relationships.

Of course, a woman must make a decision herself, but answers to the following questions can give her a hint:

Are there any feelings left?
How did the relationship end? (You can't go back to the person who cheated or raised their hand.)
Has there been a similar situation before? (What happened twice will definitely happen again.)
How serious are the man's intentions?
What reasons did he give as valid arguments for returning?

If you can honestly and frankly answer these questions, you will be able to understand what to do in this situation.

How to build a relationship with an ex?

Sometimes women break up with a loved one and expect that sooner or later he will return. For them, the phrase "the former wants to see me" is not an empty phrase, but the most cherished dream. But often they do not even suspect how to properly build relationships with a departed partner in order to have a chance to renew relations:

behave adequately and not attempt to return him;
in no case do not lie, do not arouse pity and do not provoke jealousy;
do not lend money;
do not build a joint business.

Psychologists advise putting a friendly end in a relationship after a man leaves, and then love will have a second chance.

Conditions for a successful relationship

Are you wondering if you should give your ex a second chance? Then remember the three conditions under which partners get the opportunity to be happy after the reunion:

both people have completely changed and rethought their behavior;
partners managed to maintain attractiveness for each other;
ready to let go of the past and truly start over.

Should you accept your ex? Summing up

Psychologists are very skeptical about the reunion of former lovers. Unfortunately, they have very sad statistics of such returns. Therefore, if your feelings are not so strong, and your mind is overwhelmed with doubts, then it is better to refuse your ex-partner. Perhaps real happiness awaits you with a worthy man ahead of you.

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

“Faced with such a situation, a woman, she worries, then calms down and suddenly this ex wants to return to her again. Is it worth it to accept or drive away from yourself? — Jeanne writes.

“My ex wants to come back after he left me for another girl. They were together for two years, then broke up, she went somewhere to study, now she came back and started calling him. He told me that he could do something here, since they were happy together. After 3 months, he suddenly started calling me, at first he simply asked how I was doing, what I was doing. Then he called again to say that he was thinking only of me. I still miss him and love him too. But I'm afraid that if I take it now, everything will happen again, and it will hurt me even more. Any advice on how to behave?" — writes Victoria.

Why we can't let go of past relationships, see →.

The biggest mistake couples can make after a breakup is to just get back together. They mistakenly believe that if their feelings are still strong, a second attempt at being together might work. Most do not try to understand what really happened between them and what changes they need. They simply pick up where they left off and continue on.

They are trying to restart relationships that did not work out before. But repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity and insanity.

When you take milk out of the fridge and find it's spoiled, you don't put it back in the hope that it'll be fresh tomorrow, do you? You will want to purchase fresh milk and get rid of spoiled milk.

The practice of family psychology shows that relationships in the second circle work only if the partners:

became different people compared to who they were at the time of parting;
retained the qualities that attracted them to each other before;
they begin to build relationships from scratch, and not just stick together at the place where they parted ways.

Psychological trap - return of the lost

Although I always urge you to look for the positive side in any situation, but now I will have to recommend the opposite. If the ex wanted to come back, ignore the positive from his appearance and look for the negative. This approach will save you from repeated disappointment and injury, show what is happening in full perspective.

It is very easy to fall into a psychological trap now if your feelings are still strong and you have not yet met a new love. Your wound is still fresh and it hurts, and it seems like getting your ex back is the best medicine.

If you still have a feeling of emotional loss, then you want to return the lost and regain the previous state. But this actually means a transition to the past, which is impossible. And does it make sense?

If some path in life has led you to disappointment and pain, then why return to it again? It probably makes sense to take a different path, avoiding past mistakes. And then the question will already be whether you and your ex are on the same path.

Reasons for leaving and returning

Is there a second chance with an ex who wants to get back? It depends on his motives. You may believe that he was brought back by a conscious and hard-won decision to associate his future with you, but in fact, he may be driven by completely inappropriate, unpleasant impulses for you.

Let's look at a few examples:

1. Search for convenient options and unwillingness to make an effort

I will give an example from personal experience. Once upon a time, I began to develop an acquaintance with one gentleman, but suddenly he decided to try again with his ex-girlfriend, who wanted to get back together with him. We broke up, and a few months later he appeared, saying that it didn’t work out with his girlfriend. I continued to communicate with him in a friendly way, and soon he told me that he wanted to try to find happiness with a colleague who confessed her love to him.

Then he moved to work in another city, left a colleague and began dating a local woman, because she is always at hand and there is no need to travel anywhere. So in his entire strategy one line was traced - to make it simple, comfortable and at no extra cost.

Such a person can return to you, simply because it is so easier for him than to look for someone else. That he should dial your phone number and say that he misses and thinks of you? You already know each other, something has formed between you, there is no need to start everything from scratch. If he is not accepted, he will simply call the next one and so on. If you accept him, he will leave you again when a more convenient option comes up.

2. Fears and psychological immaturity

I remembered a story that happened to our neighbor. After a year of marriage, her husband left to buy diapers for his son and never returned. He turned off his phone and didn't even want to explain himself. The neighbor filed for divorce. A year later, he knocked on her door.

"Why did you leave us?" she asked.

- “It was hard because of the child, you paid little attention to me, I was afraid that it would always be like this. But I felt bad without you,” he replied.

Men of this type cannot understand what they need in life, they are characterized by irrational fears, inability to cope with responsibility and overcome daily difficulties, infantilism, uncertainty of their goals and desires. In other words, such people cannot be relied upon, they are unreliable and unpredictable. With them, you run the risk of getting an unpleasant surprise again after some time.

3. Influence of third parties

The partner leaves you under the influence of mom, relatives and friends, but then he realizes that he was wrong. And here the question arises: how much is he generally influenced? Is he capable of making independent decisions? Is there a guarantee that he will not succumb to the pressure of authority again?

4. Life circumstances

In my practice, there were stories when men were forced to part ways with their lovers due to some factors beyond their control: moving, illness of a child or parent, difficult financial problems, loss of a job. They believed that they could not offer themselves as long as they had unresolved problems. Later, when their lives began to return to normal, they wanted to return. For some of these couples, things got better again.

There may also be a wide variety of other reasons that pushed a man to leave, depending on his unique circumstances and personality.

So, if the ex who left you wants to return:

Do not give in to the first enthusiasm, look for the negative, ignore the positive.
Find the real motives behind his behavior.
Get an idea of what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person can suit you.
Determine if the answers to items 1 and 2 fit into this view?
If you still decide not to chase your ex, start over from scratch without repeating old mistakes. Otherwise, you will create a precedent that you can be left and then, as if nothing had happened, return to your previous positions.

If you still have doubts about what to do when your ex wanted to return, ask the advice of loved ones you trust. It's good to get an outside perspective. You can also contact me at

In the process of divorce, a man and a woman, as a rule, ask themselves questions: why is this happening, where did they take the wrong step, where did the trust go, why did the partner betray. After parting, a difficult stage in life begins, which is associated with adaptation to new conditions, the arrangement of one's personal life. But it happens that you are faced with the choice of whether to enter the same river twice. Is it good? How to behave and not repeat past mistakes if the ex-husband wants to return?

From this article you will learn:

What are the signs that the ex-husband wants to return
What to do if the ex-wife wants to return to her husband
What is the dream of an ex-husband who wants to return

Signs that your ex wants to get back

It is a delusion to think that if you still love each other, then after a divorce you will be able to be together again. It is possible that the second attempt will also end in failure, if you did not draw any conclusions from past experience, did not analyze what led you to parting. Just starting where you left off is not an option.

Psychological analysis of such couples shows that spouses have a second chance when they:

changed after divorce
did not squander those qualities that the partner previously liked;
build relationships anew, taking into account past mistakes.

Why does the ex-husband want to return after a divorce? There are several reasons:

Practicality. The return of a man to the family does not mean at all that he has strong feelings for his wife. He is simply not able to live on his own, as the woman cooked, washed, cleaned, looked after him. Until a man has met a new passion who will take care of him, he will attempt to reunite with his wife if he is sure that she is waiting for him and will accept an apology. Such spouses can converge and part all the time. It also happens that the ex-husband did not make himself felt for a long time, and then appears, full of tenderness. But soon it disappears again. There is only one conclusion: he was bored, he wanted closeness, but none of the former girlfriends agreed to spend time with him, but you did.
When a man swears his love and is ready to move his things back tomorrow, do not rush to accept him. Talk, find out the reason for the sudden change in behavior. Perhaps he has nowhere to live and he decided that you are a great backup option.
Fear of responsibility. Changes that affect the usual course of life can seriously scare a man. For example, the birth of a child. This means that he now has a great responsibility for the life and future of his offspring, but he is not ready to take on such obligations. He may think that he is no longer central to the family. It is possible that a man will begin to be jealous of you for the baby and run away for fear of losing his main positions. But since he is used to a certain order of life with you, the ex-husband wants to return to the family because he changed his mind. Such men do not know what they really need and what they want, they do not have clear goals and plans. They are characterized by incomprehensible panic, helplessness in making decisions, irresponsibility, unpreparedness for life's trials, immaturity. They cannot be relied upon to predetermine their behavior in certain circumstances. Thus, there is a high chance of being in a difficult situation again.
Thirst for thrills. There are families where a scandal, an outburst of emotions is a way to tickle your nerves. If in the midst of a quarrel a man leaves, slamming the door loudly, then we can say with confidence that in seven days he will again appear on the threshold. He didn’t have any thoughts of leaving you, it’s just that emotions take over and it takes time to cool down.
Impact from outside. Sometimes from relatives, friends there may be pressure on a man because you are not suitable for him. And then, under such influence, the husband can leave you. But over time, he will come to his senses and return. In such a situation, a woman should think about whether her man can make decisions on his own. How easy is it to influence him? Does the ex-husband really want to return and will he leave again under the influence of someone else's opinion?
sole possession of a woman. In most cases, women react hysterically to the departure of a man: tears, scandal, requests to return. But it happens that the wife does not roll up scenes, treats what is happening adequately and calmly accepts her husband's decision. A man is not ready for such an unexpected turn, it hurts his pride. After the breakup, the ex-husband thinks about his woman more and more often and takes his thoughts for love. In such a situation, the male owner will want to return to the family. In family relationships, wives are often emotionally very attached to their husbands, sometimes to the detriment of their own personality, they stop meeting with their girlfriends, abandon their interests. A man is a hunter by nature, he needs to conquer a woman. And if the need for this has disappeared and he understands that his wife is already entirely his, then the "hunter" begins to search for another passion, more impregnable and mysterious. In the event that the wife, after parting, begins to lead a dynamic life again, because of her selfish ambitions, the ex-husband wants to return to the family after the divorce. What should both partners do in this situation? First of all, it is important to draw the right conclusions, otherwise another divorce is just around the corner.
Coincidence. Quite often, the separation of a couple can be preceded by the problems of a man: financial difficulties, dismissal, the need to move to another city, the illness of people close to him. And a man does not want to put his difficulties on the shoulders of a woman, but he cannot jump above his head either. But as soon as all problems are resolved, the couple can reunite again. There may be other motives for the husband to leave the family, which depend on the individual traits of his character.
Rethinking. The most pleasant situation for a woman is when a man changes his mind, but, unfortunately, this happens very rarely. After the divorce, the ex-husband was left to himself, to his thoughts. He had time to weigh everything, to realize that the relationship was truly dear to him. And only having lost, he realized that his wife is the only woman with whom he was destined to go through life. And now the ex-husband wants to return to the family after the divorce. Having lived with a person for a sufficiently long period, you can easily figure out the motives of his behavior, since you already know the husband’s character warehouse, his temperament. However, women may attribute qualities to men that they do not have. Then the question arises: how to understand that the ex-husband wants to return, and not make a mistake?
First of all, it is worth remembering that actions are always truer than words. Saying beautiful phrases, promising stars from the sky - all this men masterfully do. And when a former lover, even after parting, offers you his help in everyday matters, financial, this indicates that he is ready to continue to take part in your life.

If a man openly goes to a constructive conversation, then this shows his desire and interest to start all over again. A silent, closed partner who does not talk about what he feels, does not share his intentions, simply has not yet decided what he needs. It’s just comfortable for him to have an ex-wife at hand, for example, for sex or for other purposes beneficial to him: maybe she works at a bank where he wants to get a loan.

Do not forget that men do not really like to talk about their feelings, goals, and it is generally difficult for them to admit they are wrong. However, if the ex-husband does not reveal his plans to you at all, then this is a cause for concern - what is called "neither to yourself nor to people." He does not plan to be with you, and does not want to give to another.

Other motives why the partner wants to renew the relationship:

What to do if the ex-husband wants to return

Relationship experts believe that reunification of spouses is a complex and painful process. The thing is that the reason for the divorce was any act of a man. When an ex-partner wants to turn back time, the woman finds herself at a crossroads of choice: is it worth it or not to start all over again if the ex-husband wants to return to the family after a divorce; how to say “no” if you need to continue to improve your life without him. After all, resentment and negativity are not easy to forget. A few simple steps help to understand and hear yourself.

When a man leaves and then returns, the woman, of course, is looking for the reasons for this behavior and what will follow. A partner can be driven by different motives, but it’s still not worth harboring illusions.

It is necessary to find out to the end why ex-husbands want to return. No matter how strong the feelings are, before starting all over again, a woman needs to find out the true goals of her beloved.

Suppose your couple is reunited. For a while, all is well. But suddenly a situation occurs that led you to divorce in the first place. For example, the last time you broke up was because your husband was unfaithful. And now he's cheating on you again. That is, the passions subsided, and the husband again begins to start novels on the side. In such circumstances, another parting will definitely follow. Only this time it will be a hundred times more painful and difficult for you.

Surely you have no desire to worry and suffer again, reproaching yourself for following the lead of your ex-husband and believing him. If this is so, then on the shore it is necessary to find out the reasons why the partner wants to return.

Do not be deceived, approach the solution of the problem wisely. Psychologists advise to apply the following practice: a man and a woman write out on a piece of paper everything that suited them and did not like each other. Then they analyze what was written and make a decision: are they ready to change in order to be together again. This is the initial stage, which will help you figure out whether to accept a man back or not.

The second stage is emotionally difficult. You have already figured out all the points that did not suit you, and realized what needs to be changed. Now you need to clearly understand: why do you need it and whether the relationship has a future. Arguments "for" can be answers to the following questions:

whether there are children;
money problems;
position in society;
positive resolution of disagreements;
the opportunity to live happily once and for all, eliminating all negative moments, anxieties and mutual reproaches.

Understand your inner state before and after the divorce. Answer honestly the questions: how did the children feel during your separation, what did you experience, are you able to take care of yourself on your own.

Thus, if the husband wants to be reunited:

do not follow the emotions, weigh everything rationally;
find out its true causes;
be clear about what you expect from this relationship and who can meet your expectations.

Do arguments 1 and 2 match your vision of the relationship?

After weighing everything, did you decide to accept a husband? Then build relationships from scratch, not looking back at the mistakes of the past and, of course, avoiding their repetition. Otherwise, a man may think that you can always run away from you and just as easy to return.

It is necessary to accept the fact that the new life will be completely different. Past difficult trials will forever remain with you, so you can avoid sharp corners if you agree on the following issues:

how you will get out of emerging disputes;
are you ready to reconsider your views and draw the right conclusions;
Will you remember past negative experiences?

Building relationships in such a situation is a mutual task. If efforts to maintain peace in the family are only from one partner, then nothing good will come of it. If you took your husband back, but remind you of past mistakes, reproach, expect him to constantly ask for forgiveness, then sooner or later a scandal will arise again. It is important to have a clear understanding of whether you want to continue to connect your fate with this person. Be sincere to yourself, do not hide behind children or finances. Children are not comfortable growing up in an environment of systematic conflict. Don't be influenced if your friends and family say you should take your husband back and you don't feel comfortable about it. You have the right to be happy and only you are responsible for your life.

Are you tormented by doubts whether your ex-husband sincerely wants to return? The forum on the Internet advises you to ask him to help you out in any situation. If the ex-husband easily goes for it, then everything is not so sad. But, on the other hand, maybe a sense of upbringing prevents him from refusing you and he simply realizes that it is difficult for a woman to solve domestic issues alone. In any case, if a man constantly takes the initiative, then this is a good indicator.

When an ex-husband sincerely repents of his mistakes, finds the strength to admit that he was wrong, tries to ease your pain, then this is a sign of the sincerity of his feelings and honesty of intentions.

Thus, if he changes his views for you, seeks your favor, it can be argued that love is still alive.

Do ex-husbands want to return, or are they just taking advantage of the situation until a new lover appears on the horizon? How else can you understand it? A heart to heart conversation will help you. Try to sincerely and most fully convey to the man what is going on in your soul, what state you are in from the whole situation. If you are loved by him and dear to him, then the chosen one will do everything possible to prove the honesty of his plans. The most important thing is that words do not diverge from deeds.

How to deal with ex-husbands:

What to do if the wife wants to return to her ex-husband

If the husband left you without thinking about your emotional state, and then wanted to return, then the risk of a repetition of the situation is quite high. But at the same time, going through the breakup of a relationship a second time will be much more painful for you. Therefore, before accepting an ex, think about whether you need such a shake-up again.

If there was violence on the part of the husband in the family, constant humiliation, then in no case should you take the despot back. If the divorce was due to betrayal, will you find the strength to forgive the traitor? It happens that wives forgive adultery and continue to live with their husbands, but at every opportunity they are reminded of their mistake. Which, of course, gives rise to scandals and quarrels and harasses both.

Why are women driven by the desire “I want to go back to my ex-husband”?

There are children, and they should grow up in a complete family.
A woman is dependent on a man and cannot live independently without him.
Love is so strong that grievances are simply forgotten.
A woman feels sorry for her former lover.
Influence of relatives.

If you decide to renew a relationship, then it is better to wait a while, for example, a year. During this period, the intensity of passions will subside, and you will be able to analyze the circumstances with a clear head. Take your time, time will put everything in its place and show whether you really need a former partner.

If there is love in a couple, but disagreements have arisen, then it is imperative that joint efforts find a way out of this situation. Psychologists' advice:

Build friendships.
Never shut up, keep talking. In any controversial issues, silence is the enemy. Engage in constructive dialogue. Support each other.
Reinforce family values. Spend time with your kids.
Eliminate from life the negative aspects that lead to conflicts. Do not let difficulties take their course, always jointly look for ways to resolve the scandal.
Show your tender feelings to your partner and talk about them, as during your first meetings. Make your shared dreams and goals come true.
Develop the best qualities in yourself, work on yourself.
You can ask loved ones for support and advice.
Eliminate your weaknesses that led to the divorce.
Do not press on pity with tears and threats. Don't blame each other for past mistakes. Do not make fun of your partner in front of family and friends.

All people make mistakes. There is a way out of any situation. You should always give yourself the opportunity to make things right. If your feelings are strong, then peace and harmony will certainly reign in your family.

If you dreamed that the ex-husband wants to return

Why dream that the ex-husband wants to return? The first thing that comes to mind is that he can't live without you. Maybe, but don't jump to conclusions.

There are different interpretations of such dreams, depending on the circumstances in which you saw your former partner:

The dream "ex-husband wants to return" means that you think too much about the past. It slows you down, prevents you from taking a step forward, closes your heart to new relationships. The vision where you said goodbye to your beloved indicates that the time for good changes is coming. As a rule, after such dreams, joyful events occur not only in personal life, but also in other areas.

If you just saw your ex-husband in a dream and no events unfolded, then you should not immediately associate this with the hero of night dreams. You can interpret a dream as a message from a past life. Perhaps you will be invited to the evening by classmates, they will call from your previous job, or old friends will make themselves felt. Rarely such a dream comes true and a former partner appears.

If you dream of your husband's wedding, where the bride is not you, then this is an indicator that in reality a new relationship is waiting for you, not him.

A dream where a husband marries a pregnant woman means that the former partner will take some rash step.

When in a dream you listen to your husband's complaints about his wife or see their divorce, this is a signal that the person is sorry that he lost you.

If in a dream the ex-husband wants to return and shows tender feelings for you, this is a symbol that an interesting meeting awaits you soon, which can turn into something more than flirting.

If you dream that you are kissing with your ex-husband, but some kind of barrier arises (for example, you wake up), then in real life something is holding you back from showing emotions. Some inner beliefs, superstitions, or third-party opinions do not allow you to open up to new relationships.

A dream in which intimacy with your husband does not bring you pleasure makes you wary. This means that you are overly irritable, which is reflected in relationships with people, and small problems may arise.

When in a dream you beat a former partner, it means that you are still living in the past. The causes of the conflict, resentment still torment you.

If in dreams you hug each other, then this is a sign that both he and you are alone in real life.

It is generally accepted that if a dream occurred from Thursday to Friday, then it is prophetic. Therefore, it is necessary to pay more attention to its interpretation. But the dream in which you see the former can have its purpose on any day of the week.

From Monday to Tuesday - warning dreams and saying that events can happen in reality. If the dream is filled with good moments, then there are no obstacles for the future life. And vice versa, bad events and in reality do not promise anything pleasant. From dreams on this day of the week, one can draw conclusions about the nature of the former partner and the present.

On Wednesday night, prophetic dreams are dreamed, especially if they had disturbing moments. But do not panic, this is just an excuse to analyze your attitude to the situation.

To dream on Thursday with the participation of the former chosen one means that you cannot and do not want to let him go. If your goal is to return your loved one, then such a dream will show you the best way to do this.

It is noted that on Saturday dreams have a fateful influence. But don't expect the dream to come true exactly. Look for symbols in a dream, solve them, and they will tell you how to build relationships further.

Dreams on Sunday reflect a person's emotions and anxieties. If the events in a dream with an ex-partner are gloomy, disturbing and unclear, then most likely your resentment is still strong and you do not see a way to resolve the conflict.

Dreams from Sunday to Monday do not have any meaningful interpretation. They do not reflect the past and do not predict the future. It's just a reflection of the current situation.

When you dream too often that your ex-husband wants to return, a dream book may not be needed. It is better to listen to the point of view of relationship experts. Psychologists say that when a woman dreams of an ex-lover, it means that she constantly thinks about him, analyzes their relationship, the correctness of the decision made. Dreams are only a reflection of our inner emotional state, and should not be considered predictions.

When you wake up, do not rush to solve a dream, look for a prophecy in it. Consider whether it is worth taking your husband back or is it better to close this door.

There are other reasons when a man dreams of a relationship with whom he has ended.

Maybe unfinished business. We are not talking about some documents, financial issues, perhaps this is bitterness and understatement between partners. In this case, a conversation with an ex-husband is enough to dot the i's.

It is possible that you were very attached to the ex-spouse. And when you smelled your native smell somewhere or ended up in a place you both loved, your subconscious mind recorded these feelings and gave them to you in the form of dreams in which your ex-husband wants to return. The dream interpretation in this case may give an incorrect interpretation.

No matter why your relationship ended, you will never be able to permanently erase a man from your memory. Involuntarily, you will still remember him, see him in dreams, or even meet in real life. But, before making any decision, think a hundred times, weigh and analyze everything.

Thank you for reading this article to the end

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Warning. This article is addressed to women who are experiencing the departure of a man. He - left, she - remained. Therefore, in the article it sounds that he- did badly. This is not a manifestation of sexism. It happens that a woman leaves, causing pain to a man. Will the husband return to the family? The tips in this article apply in this situation as well.

At the consultation: “I wake up in the morning, go to work. I'm busy at work, I don't have time to think. But in the evening - it begins! I remember everything I did wrong. All your mistakes. That it was necessary to allow him both this and that, when he asked. I think, if I behave differently now, will he come back? Want to know. Suddenly he'll be back."

He may return. That family that was will not return. That, what was before will not return. This is 100% accurate.

Will the husband return to the family? Time to think.

The decision on the final separation is comprehended in the first 2-3 weeks. Did I write about this in an article? If, after this period, he still has not changed his mind, has not come with an apology that he got excited, then the decision is final. For you. Now I will explain why.

To be honest, men feel when they are expected. Even if a man left not just like that, but “somewhere”, then the decision to part was probably not easy for him. He's scared too. Understanding that there is an "alternate airfield" makes life very easy.

Therefore, it is in the interests of a man that you wait for him. The longer the better. And if all my life - so generally excellent. You can't blame him for this. In general, it is better not to think about it. Absolutely, in any respect, both positive and negative. Just know - You are free to decide whether to wait or not to wait.

Of course, you can close the door forever from the very moment of his departure. But so few succeed. Therefore, decide for yourself (and maybe with him) that there will be time to think. Two or three weeks. This is the time you are willing to wait. Then the bridges were burned.

How to understand if he wants to return?

You certainly know the expression " to get on one's nerves". Oh, how many descriptions of this process I heard!

Then he calls and says that everything is bad with him. And the ex-wife is already "flying" - he will return! Then he does not call for three days, and his ex-wife sees a photo on his page with another woman.
Or he doesn't come for things. Postpones all the time. Seems like by accident.
He can also mention in conversations all the time that it was because of the mistakes of the former that he left. Hint that, if it were not for her mistakes, she would not have destroyed the family. Yes, yes, he was forced to leave because of her mistakes.

All these cases leave the woman with the idea that the husband can return. If she changes, or if he forgives her, or if he has there nothing will work.

But this is deception. Rather, even self-deception. Therefore, there is no need to look for evidence that he is considering the option of returning.

The only confirmation that the husband is considering the option of family reunification can only be an open statement: "I need to understand myself. Please give me time!". This is honest. This is smart. It is a rarity.

Everything else is from the evil one. There is no sign that he wants everything back. Maybe he is rushing about because he is scared (see above). The more he rushes about, the more he gets on your nerves. Maybe not on purpose. But these throwing - not evidence that he wants to return.

How can I help my husband return to the family?

If your man has taken time out to make a final decision, then you can help him. Here are actions that will help you make a positive decision and help you understand whether the husband will return to the family. The points.

Give him time to think alone. That is, do not call. Don't cross paths with him. Do not remind yourself through friends and relatives.
Protect yourself from mistakes. An example of a mistake is "accidental" intimacy with another man as revenge.
Keep criticism of him to yourself.

It turned out not very much, but the point is not in quantity, but in quality. By violating these principles, you are very effective in the direction of the complete destruction of relationships.

Is it possible to miss the chance?

Very scary to hear “I wanted to go back, but you yourself ruined everything!”

I have never seen such cases. Yes, sometimes the husbands come back. But it doesn't happen that you did something, because of which he could not return, although he wanted to.

Theoretically, this is, of course, possible. If he kneels in the door next to the suitcase and asks for forgiveness, and you silently slam the door. This is probably the only scenario where "I wanted to, but you ruined everything"

Point of no return.

When you are no longer with him, everything seems meaningless and terrible. Life turned upside down. There is nothing further. Because you are used to a different life. You are waiting for everything to come back. It will be like it was again.

But it won't be the same as it used to be.

Yes, there are times when couples get back together. A month, a year, it doesn't matter. But any of these pairs will confirm that, having come together again, they began to live in a completely different way. New relationships, new rules.

That is, a person may be physically the same, but the family is different. At heart, people change because of the stress they have experienced.

Accept it as a fact. You definitely cannot return “that” man, that image of him, and “that” relationship.

Every time a thought pops into your head - “What if he comes back?”, remind yourself that HE, such as he was, will not return.

When discussing life after divorce with women, I come across descriptions of situations when a husband returns. Here is how it is described:

"Him there nothing succeeded. He asked for forgiveness and wanted to return. Of course, I didn't drive him away. Yes, I was very hurt and hurt, but still I love him! We started living together again. But I couldn't do it the way I used to. Like the same person. But now I know that he is lying. Can lie. Can hurt. I used to enjoy looking at his smile. And now that smile pisses me off! Because I know who he is! Basically, everything has changed.”

How not to ask yourself this again and again?

Even if we assume that the husband rashly decided to part, then in 3 weeks he managed to cool down, to think. And think three more times. Three weeks is the deadline.

If he has not yet come, then waiting for him further is just a mockery of himself. Make a decision - "I no longer look forward to his return!"

Now your best friend intelligence. Your protector, your support, your hope. Trust him. Mind said - I CAN'T WAIT TO RETURN!" Now, every time you catch yourself trying to dream about the return of your husband, get distracted. By force of will or by accident.

Do you know how to effectively help children not be afraid to do their homework? On the principle of "cut the elephant into slices." That is, you first need to spend a few minutes preparing the textbooks. Then - a break for other things. After some time, we open the textbooks on the desired page, put a notebook in front of the textbook. Distracted again. After some more time, they sat down and did one task. We don't take anything off the table. So, gradually, all the tasks will be done. But this is not the main thing. The main thing is that the child will not be afraid of the process.

Why did I give this example? In addition, it is necessary to distract from memories and thoughts about returning in the same way. Wherever you live - around the apartment, on the way to work - there should be little charms.

Let's say you lay out the elements of your hobby on the table. And in the kitchen - open the book in the place where the desired recipe is. And in the room - just a book that you read. And lay the route to work in such a way as to walk past beautiful shop windows. That is, you must constantly be distracted by something.

To be honest, I wouldn't recommend it for any other situation. Usually they ask for help to concentrate. But now you have the opposite goal.

Is it fair? While your man decides what he wants, you cannot drink, eat, breathe. This does not mean that he is cruel. He is ordinary. And here you are - you waste time and nerves. No matter what he decides, you are hurt here and now. Instead of predicting what decision he will make, think about yourself. How take away your pain. Do not expect gifts of fate, eh.