The large family. Big family: candid stories of mothers with many children
The idea of the project appeared in 2008, when I worked at a school as a teacher of Russian language and literature, moonlighting as a tutor. A year before, the Unified State Examination was introduced as a mandatory exam, and while I was preparing 11th graders for it, I accumulated a lot of materials that I wanted to use somehow, to make something like a remote simulator that would help each student test himself.
It was clear that the model used for adult learning - self-study materials and tests - was not suitable for schoolchildren. Few can be forced to leave VKontakte for this. There was a need for live communication with teachers - either individually or in small groups online.
I found like-minded people, and one of them - a teacher of chemistry and biology Vladimir Kuzmin - became a co-founder of the project. We began to select tutors who are ready to conduct online lessons, as well as develop training in the form of a "webinar + distance course". After the webinar, the student can enter the course and repeat something, complete tasks. We entered the market with the first courses, where a virtual office or Skype was used, at the beginning of 2010.
When I had one Daughter I felt like I was missing time no matter what, although I constantly worn somewhere: a walk, then a lesson
First, they worked under my individual entrepreneur for tutoring, and then they registered an LLC, in which I became the general director and co-owner. Our turnover for the main service - the search for online tutors - is now 150,000-200,000 rubles per month (lower in summer). We also organize group webinars, open lessons, develop distance learning courses for partner companies. The payback point has not yet been overcome, because we spend everything we earn on development, and I still earn my living by tutoring.
We have three managers and three programmers on staff, and we work with teachers under an offer agreement. For an order found through Dist Tutor, the tutor pays us an amount slightly less than the cost of two classes. The rate of Moscow and St. Petersburg tutors, as a rule, is from 1,000 rubles per hour, but it is more profitable to work with teachers from other regions: they ask from 250 rubles per hour.
During pregnancy
I worked hard. I went to bed at two or three in the morning, got up at eight
A family
At first my husband did not even pay attention to what I was doing there, but when he realized that it takes a lot of time, both he and his eldest daughter Anya became dissatisfied. They began to say that I was doing nonsense. This attitude changed after my trip to Silicon Valley, where I was invited in 2010 after studying at the Kre@tovo summer business school.
The most difficult period in business was before the advent of Vera, who was born in October 2011. During my pregnancy, I worked a lot - both on the project and at school. I went to bed at two or three in the morning, got up at eight. After the birth, she planned to take a nanny. But then, after leaving school, I realized that I could do without it. I am almost always at home or nearby. I leave only when there are negotiations or events, then the children go for a walk with their husband or their grandmother comes.
A significant plus is that my children have a big age difference. With little weather to do something else, perhaps, it is impossible. And my eldest daughter Anya, for example, is practically an adviser in general: I often ask her whether it is worth developing such and such a direction, arranging such and such an action. She is the author of the idea of the project "Children teach children", when older students remotely study with younger ones.
From the very first days, the youngest daughter helped me to continue my business life, but also not to forget that I am a mother. At her three months, we first went to the Startup Women meeting - she slept in a sling bag, and people around noticed that I was not alone, only when she woke up and informed me that it was time to eat. With the advent of the second daughter, time became more, and the third - even more. Maybe because they spend a lot of time with each other.
Business
When there are many children in the house, there are enough reasons for celebrations: someone successfully performed with a concert, won the Olympiad or won a chess tournament. On such occasions, I always tried to find time and prepare a themed cake or a complex dessert that would impress the hero of the occasion. But the youngest son was allergic to almost all sweets. Having accidentally got to the master class of a French confectioner, I tried to cook marmalade from natural fruit juices and purees according to his recipe. None of the children had an allergic reaction to it, and in general we all liked this marmalade so much that I began to look in Moscow for professional workshops on making handmade sweets and continued experimenting with chocolate.
My sweets, for which I tried to use the best ingredients, were liked not only by children, but also by friends: at some point, they began to offer me to open a chocolate boutique. And I, while still on maternity leave with a younger child, decided to try it. Firstly, making sweets was incredibly fascinated by me. Secondly, I always wanted to bring joy to people with my work. In my previous job - as the financial director of a large construction company - this feeling was very lacking.
To, having three children, start a business, you need this really want because basically it is
things to do for life
I found an international chocolatier school in Vancouver where I could learn chocolate skills remotely. She completed a course of study, passed all the exams and received a diploma giving her the right to work in chocolate boutiques in Europe, America and Canada. After that, I wrote letters to all European chocolatiers known to me with a request to accept me for practice. Many responded positively. I studied in France, Italy and Belgium.
I had some savings - 300,000-400,000 rubles, with which I could start: for a nominal fee, I rented a small workshop from friends, bought equipment, racks, refrigerators and hired one confectioner. Now there are already three of them, and there is also a development manager, a lawyer and an accountant.
Since we make almost all the sweets by hand, labor productivity is low. The ingredients are expensive, we buy French chocolate, cream, butter, various candied fruits, packaging and much more we also bring from Europe, because, unfortunately, there is no stable high quality in Russia yet. A box of 16 sweets ends up costing 1,000 rubles.
Revenue from month to month differs significantly: in December, February and March, we earned 1.5-2 million rubles a month, and in January, for example, 100,000 rubles. So far, we are very dependent on seasonal demand for the holidays and on the purchases of our partners (for example, restaurants). In autumn, we plan to open a full-fledged online store, as well as a chocolate and confectionery studio La Princesse Choco.
My business- another
very small child,
so while you need it
wear on the hands
A family
We started working at the end of 2011, when our youngest son Volodya was almost four years old, Maria - seven years old, Anastasia - 15. Unfortunately, we do not have such happiness as grandmothers. Therefore, my husband and I solve all the problems of raising children ourselves. When I have to leave, my father or nanny stays with the children, sometimes my sister from St. Petersburg comes.
On weekdays, most of the worries are on me. I get up at 6:30 and cook porridge for everyone, then my husband takes the girls to school, and a little later I take the youngest to kindergarten and go to work. In the afternoon with the younger children, the nanny takes them to creative classes and sports sections. In the evening I feed everyone dinner, read books and put them to bed.
The husband, who is also in business, rarely comes home before the children are asleep. The biggest problem is when one of the children gets sick. I need to be with him (or with them, because the three children often get sick together), which, of course, slows down the business.
What if I had one child? Perhaps my efficiency would be three times higher. But children are my biggest critics, like-minded people and inspirations at the same time. In search of natural sweets just for them, I came up with the idea of creating my own chocolate atelier. By the way, children appreciate your time and attention more when you are doing something else besides housework.
I tell my children: consider that my business is another child, still very small, so it must be carried on the handles. At two years old, the child is already more independent, and at five years old, if a lot of time and effort has been invested in him, he is already developing correctly. It's the same with business. I think it’s wrong to take a nanny to a one-year-old child: he won’t tell you anything, everything must be controlled. And hiring someone to manage your business, which is not built yet, is useless.
Business
When the Kidsreview.ru project was born, our family had two eight-year-old children - from the first marriages of me and my husband, and I was pregnant with our common son. The idea appeared earlier, but before this pregnancy there was not enough courage and time to implement it.
For several years I worked as a marketer in IT companies, and after getting married a second time four years ago, I decided to leave my job to do something of my own. I quit shortly before my pregnancy.
As a mother, I was always worried about the topic of leisure with children, but there was not enough time to read about it on the forums or discuss it on the site. I wanted to create a resource where there would be the most objective and conveniently presented information about everything related to children. The basis of the resource is a directory of companies that provide services for families with children (private kindergartens, for example).
We write all articles there ourselves, carefully checking the data. In addition to the guide, there is a poster for families (it is broadcast by Yandex) and an online magazine. We don’t have articles with advice like “when to stop breastfeeding”. This is probably why 40% of the audience of our project are men.
One of major goals of my project - to increase the level tolerance societies
to people with kids
Money was needed to prepare and launch, and neither I nor my husband had a job, who was tired of working in the tanker fleet and left there. We sold one of the two apartments in St. Petersburg, borrowed something. Part of the funds was invested by Vasily Filippov from Yandex, my former boss. My husband, who initially believed in me and in the project, became responsible for finances and relations with partners. The site went live in June 2010, two days before the birth of their youngest son. By this time, about half a million rubles had been invested in the project.
We didn't have an office for a long time, but now we do - mainly because we sell tickets for family events. In addition to the site, there is a mobile application. So far, we are not making money, because we are trying to sell something that most advertisers do not understand. Our revenue can be either zero rubles per month, or 600,000 rubles. But I am sure that this kind of marketing on the Internet is the future.
From time to time we hold events: for example, on June 1, for the third time, we organized an exhibition-quest in St. Petersburg, where each company not only makes a stand, but comes up with tasks for children visitors of different ages. For the first time, in seven hours of work, 3,000 people came to us, the second time - about 7,000, the third time, when the event was outside the city - 3,500.
One of the goals of the project is to increase the level of society's tolerance for people with children. Now we have much more places and events for families with children than 10 years ago, but still much less than in Europe. There are very few events where it is interesting for both very young and schoolchildren. Theaters for the summer, when schoolchildren have holidays, are closed.
They do not live in poverty, do not ask for help and do not hire a detachment of nannies. Don't believe? Then we offer you to read five real stories of mothers with many children and make sure that nothing is impossible.
Janie Bonnel: 16 children
Once upon a time, the Australian Janie Bonnel did not want to have children at all. However, everything changed when she met her future husband, Ray, who dreamed of a large family, because he himself had five brothers and sisters. First, her husband persuaded Janie to give birth to two children, and she began to dream of a third herself.
Now Janie is the mother of many children in the country. She has 9 sons and 7 daughters. The main difficulties faced by the spouses are financial in nature, because for just a week they need 17 three-liter bottles of milk, 14 boxes of cereal and loaves of bread, 45 packs of yogurt and 4 dozen eggs, as well as a lot of washing powder - Janie has to turn on the washing machine 6-7 times a day. And if you need to get somewhere with the whole family, you have to hire a bus.
In order not to get confused in her huge household, the Australian mother has developed a whole system of color codes and stickers. With their help, she determines what has already been washed and what has not, which of the guys is sick and who is healthy, and so on. In all affairs, Janie, of course, is helped by children, each of whom has certain duties around the house.
With all this, a mother of many children does not exclude that 16 children is not the limit and, if possible, she is ready to give birth to more.
Kelly Bates: 19 children
And although raising 19 children is not the easiest thing, the Americans Jill and Kelly Bates no longer imagine their lives differently. “Children are a blessing, and God has blessed us many, many times,” says the proud father of the family.
Kelly married Gil over 25 years ago and has been pregnant almost every year since. “I was more pregnant than I was not pregnant,” she laughs.
Parents spend a huge amount of money on groceries. So, for breakfast they usually have 48 eggs, four packs of bacon, 40 buns and two large loaves of bread. The dining table is so large that those sitting at one end can hardly hear what is being said at the other end.
But spouses do not complain about the lack of money. Jill owns a logging company, and the income from it is enough to provide for his large family, Kelly is a housewife. The Bates live in a spacious house with five bedrooms, two kitchens and five washing machines. All the children were (and some are still) homeschooled. The four elders have already started families of their own and have given grandchildren to their parents.
“I have always been happy that I have many brothers and sisters,” admits one of the sons of Kelly and Gil Zak. “There is always someone to play with. There is always a friend. I don't know what it means to be alone."
Sue Radford expecting her 20th child
The Radfords are the largest family in the UK: Sue and Noel are raising 19 children. What's more, this April they are expecting their 20th child! The baby is due in September 2017.
Sue became pregnant for the first time when she was only 14. Despite their young age, the lovers decided to keep the child, explaining that they themselves had once been given up for adoption. Now the eldest son of the Radfords, Chris, is already 27 years old.
The cost of maintaining such a large family is very high. Spouses spend £300 (more than $400) a week on groceries alone. Indeed, in seven days, the Radfords drink more than 70 liters of milk, eat 21 loaves of bread, 14 boxes of cereal and use 28 rolls of toilet paper. And in order to wash clothes for the family, Sue has to run the washing machine at least nine times a day.
At the same time, the Radfords, unlike many British large families, do not receive benefits from the state, but support themselves. They have a very successful family business - their own bakery.
Elena Shishkina: 20 children
The family of Alexander and Elena Shishkin from the Voronezh region has 20 children of their own (9 sons and 11 daughters). The couple even got into the Guinness Book of Records as the largest family in Russia. Many years ago, doctors suggested that the couple might have problems with children due to the fact that Elena has a negative blood factor, and her husband is positive. But fate decreed otherwise.
As a large family, the local authorities gave the Shishkins 15 acres of land. True, such a plot for 20 children turned out to be small, so the land had to be bought. As a result, a large house with 11 rooms was built.
The father of the family worked as a driver in the fire department, now he and his wife are retired. A great help for parents and children is the garden and the household - they keep chickens, pigs and a cow.
youtube.com
“The main expenses are food and a communal apartment,” my mother told the Argumenty i Fakty newspaper. “It’s even easier with clothes. It is difficult to spoil children in a large family, they wear everything one after another, so they try to be more careful. We recently even laughed, looking at the diapers of the eldest son, who "survived" to the youngest daughter.
The older children of the Shishkins have already grown up and created their own families, each of which has three or four kids. “All families of our children are strong. All hard workers, no drunkards. They love to visit us with their grandchildren, we have 25 grandchildren!” Alexander says.
Elena was awarded such honorary awards as the "Medal of Motherhood" of the 2nd and 1st degrees, the Order of "Maternal Glory" of the 2nd and 1st degrees. She was also awarded the title of "Mother Heroine".
Tatyana Sorokina: 76 children
Tatyana Sorokina, 65, from the village of Rassvet in the Rostov Region, has 76 children. True, only two of them are relatives - a son and a daughter who are already over 40 years old. The rest are adopted.
“At 22, I gave birth to my first child, Vasya. But a misfortune happened to him - our boy began to go blind, the treatment did not help. After that, my husband Misha and I decided not to have any more children, and when we thought up a few years later, it didn’t work out. That's when I turned to the orphanage. And it somehow went by itself ... And later I still gave birth to my daughter Anya, ”the mother said in an interview with Interlocutor.
In February 1989, the Sorokin family became one of the first in the USSR to receive the status of a family orphanage. Not all children adopted by spouses were healthy. The couple was not afraid to take on the upbringing of children with disabilities (impaired vision, mental retardation, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, etc.), and, to the best of their ability, helped them with treatment. Unbelievable but true: more than half of the children were later diagnosed.
Four years ago, Tatyana's husband, Mikhail, passed away, but she did not stop her activities: recently, who was abandoned first by her own mother, and then by her adoptive mother. “Now the third wave of children has already begun,” the woman says.
Her day is still scheduled to the minute. She gets up at half past five in the morning, prepares breakfast and sends the children to school, then starts preparing dinner. Sorokins eat in turn: first - the younger ones, then - the older children. To help their mother, even the little ones wash the dishes themselves. When the children do their homework, the younger ones ask the older ones, and they help them. In the evening, everyone sits down for dinner and then plays in the living room. At about nine o'clock the children go to bed, and the mother finishes the work that she did not have time during the day: she irons, darns things, and cleans up.
For outstanding achievements in the upbringing of children, Tatyana Sorokina won the Golden Heart award, received the title of Russian of the Year and was awarded the Order of Merit for the Fatherland, II degree.
How many children can a woman give birth in her lifetime?
Professor, MD, President of the Russian Association of Human Reproduction Vladislav Korsak, that the concept of a norm in reproduction does not exist. One woman can endure and give birth to five children, and the other - at best, one. This can only be determined experimentally.
By the way, the absolute record holder for the number of births is Elizabeth Greenhill from Great Britain (she lived in the 17th century). She gave birth 39 times and gave birth to 7 boys and 32 girls. The most mother of many children in history is our compatriot, the wife of a Russian peasant Fyodor Vasiliev, whose name has not been preserved. She gave birth to, according to official figures, 69 children from 1725 to 1765. The woman gave birth: 16 twins, 7 triplets and 4 times 4 twins (a total of 27 births).
It is generally accepted that large families are great, the hope of the nation, and so on. This is true for the most part, but not always! It's not even about dysfunctional families.
Ira married a young man. This is her second marriage (a widow), her husband Sasha's is her first, although they are the same age, a little over thirty. He simply did not have a chance to arrange his personal life due to the fact that he lived with his brother's large family in the same house!
The older brother and his wife already have seven children, and apparently they are not going to stop. They are believers, Orthodox, there is no question of abortion, and, apparently, of contraception, too. The younger brother, Sasha, lived in his brother's family in the position of a free labor force. I nursed my nephews, worked around the house, and this was at my job. He gave his entire salary to his daughter-in-law, "for the children."
He is a responsible, but weak-willed person, and he would never have arranged his life if the priest from their church had not undertaken to help him, so they met Irina, she is also a parishioner of this church.
They got married, moved to live with Irina. Do you think the brother's family left them alone? Not for a minute! They also lost Sasha's help, both material and at home. They came to them on the days of Sasha's salary, with requests and claims, and then with scandals. They sent children: “Let these three live while you are!”, Well, or “Give me money, this, that.”
But Ira is not Sasha for them, she immediately put everything in its place. No nephews will live with them, Sasha will not give anything to anyone, we have our own family, you have your own, as you gave birth, you keep it.
Oh what a start! The daughter-in-law, as if off the chain, had not Irinin had a character - she would have killed them from the world! Then she went the other way - she often began to invite Sasha to visit. He walked, of course, with money and gifts.
One day he returns from the "guests", and instead of decent clothes, he is wearing some kind of junk. What is it, robbed, stripped, exchanged with homeless people? No, Sasha explained, “My brother had it, but Vasya doesn’t have a jacket, Petya has sneakers, Masha liked the jeans, Katya had a sweater ...”
At this, Ira's patience finally snapped. “Well, that's it, now neither you are to them, nor they are here so that they are not!” she said to her husband. And she managed to keep her brother's family away from her home and from her husband.
Maybe harsh, but right. Because I'm tired of such a consumer attitude! They are accustomed to asking, and they receive. Some Orthodox and public organizations love them, give gifts, and dear ones! Gratitude is only for show, but for the eyes - a condemnation, and the computer was presented with the wrong one, and why only one, and they didn’t want such a washing machine, and so on. Someone had to put this company in its place!
Designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana stage a show dedicated to mothers in Milan; secular girls show off on social networks with pregnant bellies and cozy family photos, rather than revealing outfits and diamonds; celebrities, albeit not always without scandal (remember, for example, the actor Yevgeny Tsyganov), are expecting the birth of their fifth, sixth, seventh child ... Talking about children as a fashion trend is generally strange, but for a year now the hashtag has been walking victoriously on Instagram #childrenthisnewblack.
In mid-summer, the United Russia party announced the creation of a flag-symbol of a real family. The reason for this, however, was opposition to the gay parade, but the parents depicted on the banner with three children clearly demonstrated what kind of social unit politicians are cultivating. On the one hand, the Russians themselves do not mind. According to eDarling, a dating service for creating a family, for the past five years our country has been one of the leading places in Europe in terms of the desire of residents to have children, and no crises affect these dreams. On the other hand, there is a small reservation: one, maximum two children. A VTsIOM public opinion poll in 2014 confirmed that only 1% of Russians believe that it is necessary to have three or more children to be happy, 53% agree on two.
The format of a large family among our compatriots often causes pity, fear, and sometimes even reproaches against "unorganized" parents who neglect modern methods of planning and contraception. Another thing is striking: large families in society are associated either with a very low social status, or, on the contrary, with excessive wealth. “I wish they didn’t give birth” - this is what they usually say about the stars and their numerous offspring.
Sociologists note that sincere surprise with which Russians perceive large families is quite natural for modern life. In the current economic situation, spouses are increasingly coming to the conclusion that they must ensure a decent development for one child and build a career, and children often become an obstacle to both the first and the second.
Many children - is it a nightmare or happiness? Of course, there is no objective answer, although many of us would like to have one. How to find time for yourself and personal interests if your family has outgrown the usual framework of the “3+” format? Is it possible in the turmoil of affairs to find an individual approach to each child and your own husband and just become a pleasant role model? The truth is first-hand - in revelations without embellishment from three mothers of large families.
Evgenia Avramchik
Moscow, 35 years old, five children
My husband and I grew up in Orthodox families. Faith was passed on to us from our mothers, who even in Soviet times found the courage not to give up their beliefs. I remember that at the beginning of our acquaintance I was very surprised that a young man had a service for a large number of people at home. And for him it was quite natural - her husband has six sisters and one brother, and he himself always wanted to have a big family.
In 17 years of marriage, we had three daughters and two sons. Indirectly, I was ready for children - I was the eldest child in the family: I have a brother and a sister. Mom and dad worked a lot, so I started helping them with their younger children at a fairly early age. From here came an understanding of what to do - there was a good hardening. But still, in your family and with your children, you learn to do everything your own way, despite experience.
There are many stereotypes about Orthodox families. Recently, a new temple was built in our area, and when I go there, I see very different modern people - and these are not textbook women in headscarves and men with bushy beards. Another common opinion about Orthodox families is that they all necessarily have many children. This is not true. Yes, we do not use family planning methods, but at the same time there are couples where there are many children, and there are where there are no babies at all. Everything is regulated, but not by us.
With the advent of each new child, excessive scrupulousness disappears. Of course, I know how to “apply” a family to others - on the eve of important events, everything will look perfect. But I definitely will not iron a panama hat for a child before going outside. The second important quality is the ability to plan your time. We went on vacation a thousand kilometers from home, and for several days my husband, as a designer, assembled our car - thoughtfully and gradually. At the right moment, we just sat down and calmly drove off, without fuss and problems, having managed to go to the temple and receive a blessing.
Both in Russia and abroad, I notice a very positive reaction of others to children. I will never forget how once in Greece the Germans on vacation looked at our family with undisguised admiration. It often happens that familiar mothers with fewer children confess to me: “Zhenya, when difficulties arise with children or fatigue sets in, I always remember you and think: you have five of them! And I feel ashamed of pity for my own person.
The Orthodox community gives us great support - if you need help, no one will refuse. Moreover, for me the concept of community is much broader than just “people at the temple”. Faith unites millions of people across the country, makes us closer to each other. For example, we never had a nanny, but in a stressful time, a teenage girl I knew helped, who was interested in communicating with children, teaching them to draw, walking with them. This is a huge support! Being a large family, we also receive assistance from the state: there is a discount on housing and communal services, children and one of the parents do not pay for travel in public transport, we can attend circles and sections for free.
Often people ask me about my own interests, implying that there is not enough time for them. I look at it differently: if you yourself are deeply passionate about something, then the children will gladly follow you, outgrow you, and then pull you up with them. I have loved the theater since childhood, and one of my daughters shared this passion - she plays in children's performances. Another example: I always secretly dreamed that one of my children would become an artist. I didn’t pray about it, of course, but such hope lived inside. And suddenly I notice how my daughter sits for hours over sheets of paper, draws. And I felt my secret wish come true.
No matter how many children there are in a family, it is very important to be able to observe each one - from an early age to notice what gives them pleasure, to find time to develop their hobbies.
It is impossible to describe in words the joy that comes with the advent of children - as if everything in life is sanctified and takes on a new meaning. Difficulties, of course, cannot be avoided, but they happen with one child, and with two, and with five. If you feel like you want children, then by all means do it.
Anastasia Lipiridi
Dolgoprudny, 39 years old, four children
Neither I nor my husband grew up in large families: I have one sister, and my husband is generally the only child. Therefore, three children has always been the absolute maximum that I could ever imagine in relation to myself. And in the end it turned out that there are already four children in our family. In short: I got married for the first time, gave birth to a son (he is now 18 years old), got divorced and eight years later got married a second time. With my second husband, we had a common daughter, who was 10 years younger than her son. We decided that she definitely needed a couple close in age, and 3.5 years later her second daughter was born. In principle, no more children were planned, but three years later a third girl was born. This is where we stopped for now.
Before motherhood, I had stereotypes about how the life of a large family is built: it's hard, there is no time for myself and my own interests. My husband had no prejudices, but my guesses were confirmed. It’s really hard, you don’t always have time for yourself, life is completely built around the family. But motherhood teaches patience and the ability to prioritize. And thanks to the children, you get rid of maximalism and the “excellent student syndrome”. Well, sometimes they skip the queue. (Laughs.)
They react to the BIG family in different ways: abroad - with a SMILE, in Russia - with sympathy and pity
Now we have developed a certain system to which all our everyday lives are subordinated. At the moment I am taking care of children, but when the youngest daughter goes to kindergarten, I will try to get a job. Now our day looks like this: we are at home with our youngest daughter, the elders are in the garden, school and institute. At two o'clock we pick up the eldest from the school - then classes, pick up the middle one from the kindergarten - again classes. We go home, do our homework, cook dinner and wait for dad from work. Difficulties begin when this beautiful schedule fails, for example, if one of the children falls ill. Then you have to call your father and grandmother for help.
In my opinion, after all, the optimal number of children in a family is three. It turns out such a stable good system. It is interesting for them to play with each other and communicate, and if suddenly two do not make friends with each other, then the third one will coincide with one of them and find a common language.
When kids turn 5, things get a lot easier. For example, our eldest girl is very responsible and helps with might and main. But in general, they still quarrel more than rejoice at each other's existence.
Surrounding people react to our large family mostly well: abroad - with a smile, in Russia - with sympathy and pity. Even my close friends, no, no, they will regret me. There are also those who are dissatisfied, for example, on airplanes, but in general, my children are calm and practically do not cause inconvenience to others.
As a support option, you can start communicating with other large families who understand your difficulties and problems. But I’m not looking for such a company: in my free time, I still want to disengage as much as possible and take a break from everything childish, and when parents meet, this is almost impossible.
In any situation, you must try to maintain a positive attitude and not let the children feel your problems. According to my observations, the main thing is how the parents themselves relate to the number of children: as a heavy burden or much easier? Even if it is very difficult, you need to work on yourself so that the children do not have a gloomy outlook on life from the fact that they have brothers and sisters. I hope in the future they will appreciate that they grew up in a large family.
Elena Shelin
Stockholm, 37 years old, five children. Leads the popular Instagram account @confettis
Already in childhood, I decided that I would certainly become an actress, writer, director and mother of many children. I dreamed so pleasantly how my beloved husband and I gather our large family, including grandchildren and parents, at a large festive table; how joyful laughter spreads in every corner of the spacious house; how everything around begins to breathe an atmosphere of happiness and love. I painted this picture so colorfully that it quickly took root and took deep roots in my mind and heart.
They say that the dreams we have at the age of eight often turn out to be our destiny in life. That's what happened to me. My husband shared my desires - Biryer (Elena's husband - Swedish. - Approx. ELLE) himself grew up in a large family with seven brothers.
We have a large family, but we do not suffer from increased attention to ourselves. In general, there is a very strong similarity between Russians and Swedes - both of them are quite restrained in the manifestation of emotions, they try not to look at others too much, hide their curiosity, and are tactful. But I will always remember the time we lived in Southern California. People of all ages stopped us literally at every step, exclaiming how wonderful we are! Many shook hands with Biryer and congratulated him on such a beautiful offspring. We received a whole sea of positive emotions - every day the smile practically did not leave our faces.
With five children, we can easily do without a nanny and a housekeeper. It saves that we equally distribute numerous parental responsibilities among ourselves, thereby enabling each other to function in the environment where we are most comfortable today. As soon as I distribute my time incorrectly, difficulties immediately arise, stress begins, and after it - irritation and disharmony in the family. Therefore, I can say with confidence: a clear daily routine minimizes a huge number of problems.
Motherhood taught me the most important thing - to see and understand what is really important in life, and what is secondary. I am sure that children teach me as much as I teach them. Because motherhood is a lifelong privilege, it looks like I have a lifetime of learning to do, and it's absolutely priceless.
The main advantages of a large family are, of course, the children themselves. These are such unique and deep personalities that will always be a part of you. I can say with confidence: with five children, I graduated from the best time management school in the world, which helps me both in the family and in work. Due to the fact that I choose the most difficult option in such a situation - to work from home, inhuman self-discipline is constantly required of me. But I believe that "patience and work will grind everything."
Many mistakenly believe that the more children in the family, the less time parents have for each. But I will say this: where there is a sincere desire, there are many opportunities. And do not forget to give personal time to each child - this is the most reliable and correct approach. I am sure that if for some reason the relationship between the child and the parent did not work out, the responsibility is always on the adult. And I know for sure - love works wonders.
The number of children in a family is a purely personal decision. And I would advise you to listen less to the advice of others and trust yourself more. More courage - believe me, all the necessary answers are hidden within us. But still, it is very important to always be ready to rely only on yourself.
Many people think that raising children is a very troublesome business. There is almost no time for yourself. However, sociological surveys of the world's leading universities show that families with many children are the happiest. In such families, children and parents maintain warm relations, take care of each other and do not complain about boredom.
Life is like a song
This year for a large family of Baturins, living in the Kirovsky district of Volgograd, special. The founders of a large family dynasty, the spouses Alexei Nikolayevich and Anna Ivanovna, celebrated their silver wedding. For a happy life together in love and harmony, they built a large comfortable house with their own hands, grew a garden and, most importantly, gave life, raised and raised eight children.
Spouses Alexei Nikolaevich and Anna Ivanovna Baturin, who live in the Kirovsky district of Volgograd, this year celebrated a silver wedding. Their greatest wealth is eight wonderful children. Photo: From the personal archive
Five children of the Baturins have already graduated from schools, universities, technical schools and today they are taking their first steps in the profession, in their adult life.
“As a child, I really wanted to become a doctor, but it didn’t work out ... I am a secretary-clerk by profession, but our eldest daughter Angelina was the first to realize my childhood dream, she graduated from the Volgograd Medical College, now she works as a nurse and is studying in absentia as a lawyer in the field of healthcare at the Kislovodsk Institute economics and law. The second daughter, Valentina, is a graduate of the Volgograd State Medical University. Now she works as a neonatologist, helping newborn babies cope with problems. But none of our children wanted to connect their lives with medicine anymore. However, two specialists from the family for the healthcare sector - you must admit, this is already a good contribution, ”says Anna Baturina.
In accordance with Art. 2 of Law No. 1775-OD, a large family is a family with three or more minor children, as well as adult children under the age of 23, studying in general educational organizations, vocational educational organizations and universities in full-time education. A prerequisite for recognizing a family with many children is the cohabitation of children and parents.
According to the spouses, the children were free to choose their profession. Mom and dad only helped them with wise advice, but there was no parental dictatorship in determining the craft for life. Anastasia chose the pedagogical path, having mastered the profession of a primary school teacher, and now she works with kids at the Rostok children's center. Ivan is a student at the State University of Tourism and Service. Dina is a student of the Volgograd College of Restaurant Service and Trade. Eugene, Iosif and Emilia go to school, and they just have to choose their profession.
But, despite the fact that each of the Baturin children has their own hobby (chess, computer programming, a serious passion for mathematics, chemistry, and others), everyone is united by a love of music. Parents have made every effort to ensure that children receive, in addition to basic and additional education. All children graduated from music school. And today they play various musical instruments: dombra, piano, accordion, violin. The Baturin family orchestra, participating in regional and city creative competitions, demonstrates not only a high class of performing skills, but also vocal abilities. The Baturins have over 40 awards today. They became laureates of the festival of family ensembles "Strong family - strong power", the open zonal festival of ensembles of bowed string instruments "Vocation".
Many modern mothers believe that it is difficult to put one baby on legs, but when are there eight of them?
“Young people are just spoiled. Loves only himself. In the foreground, a career, a figure ... And then there are sleepless nights, washing diapers, undershirts ... Then kindergartens, then schools ... But what can compare with when you see how your baby smiles at you, makes uncertain steps, for the first time says “mom " and dad". I myself grew up in a friendly large family. We were eleven boys and girls. It is a blessing to have sisters and brothers. I dreamed that I would have many children. As for problems, in a close-knit family they are solved together. All our girls are good hostesses, the boys are not afraid of men's work. Children are a gift from God, they are given to us for the soul, and this is very good, ”Anna Ivanovna shares.
For the hard parental work and worthy upbringing of wonderful, talented, hardworking children, the Baturins were awarded more than once at the regional and federal levels.
In 2011, Anna Ivanovna was awarded the honorary badge of the Hero City of Volgograd "Maternal Glory of Volgograd", in 2013 she received gratitude from the Governor of the Volgograd Region. In 2014, the spouses were awarded a certificate of honor from the All-Russian Public Organization of the Community of Large and Foster Families in Russia “Many children are good!” for many years of marital love and fidelity. This year, Anna Ivanovna, at a reception dedicated to the celebration of Mother's Day, was awarded the honorary badge of the head of the region "Mother's Glory" among the ten best of the best mothers of large families in the Volgograd Region.
His Majesty the case
There is a catchphrase that even a small house with a warm family hearth can accommodate the whole universe. The history of the amazing the Lavrentiev family from the city of Dubovka, Volgograd Region, reveals the sacramental meaning of this phrase. The Lavrentyevs are raising four natural and five adopted children.
A mother of many children, Natalia Nikolaevna Lavrentieva from the city of Dubovka, Volgograd Region, is always surrounded by her children. She has nine of them. Of these, five are orphans who warmed their souls at this family hearth. Photo: From the personal archive
Alexander and Natalya were looking forward to the birth of their first-born twins. Even before birth, the girls were given the names Mashenka and Dashenka. But the birth was difficult. The young family had to endure the pain of loss. Doctors failed to save Masha, Dasha received a severe birth injury. Natalia devoted herself entirely to her daughter, the struggle for her health. They received regular treatment at the local hospital. And then one day it so happened that a tiny six-day-old patient appeared in the ward next to the Lavrentievs. The unfortunate mother abandoned her child.
“Helpless baby - abandoned, betrayed by the closest person, her mother. It was a shock for me,” Natalya recalls. - I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt in my heart that this is our child. And when we started the custody procedure with my husband, we realized that our meeting with the baby in the hospital was a providence. We were amazed when we saw the child's documents. It turned out that the name of the girl is Masha, and her biological parents, like me and my husband, are Natalya and Alexander. Yes, she was sent to us by fate, as a gift for the suffering that we endured, having lost our first-born Masha.
So the first adopted child appeared in the friendly Lavrentyev family in 2008. It soon became clear that Mashenka had a minor brother, Kostya, who was being brought up in a correctional boarding school.
The Lavrentievs at first visited the boy, became friends, and soon the family council decided: “These children cannot be separated.” Natalya Nikolaevna had to apply her maximum pedagogical abilities to convince Kostya to go to study at a regular school. He was helped by the whole family to believe in himself, to eliminate gaps in education. Konstantin successfully graduated from a secondary school and is now studying at the Dubovsky Pedagogical College.
In 2009, 12-year-old Yegor appeared in the family, who survived the betrayal of adults twice. At first, his parents abandoned him, and then his guardian returned him to the boarding school. Now Yegor is a student at the Volgograd College of Management and New Technologies. Two years later, Natalya Lavrentyeva becomes the guardian of five-year-old Yaroslav - after the grandmother, who raised and took care of the boy, died. And a year later, a friendly family took seven-year-old Karina into their orbit.
The Lavrentyevs are happy to spend time together, arrange family holidays, collective field trips. In July of this year, the Lavrentiev family became the winner of the regional art competition "Assembly of Foster Families - 2015" in the "Most Friendly Family" nomination.
“Of course, being a mother of nine children is not easy. But I can't imagine another life. Children's voices and laughter should sound in the house. I dream that our children grow up to be kind, responsible, decent, happy people,” Natalya Lavrentyeva admitted.
Savelyevs - people of action
One of the largest families in the Volgograd region, the Savelyevs, lives in the city of Krasnoslobodsk, Sredneakhtubinsky district. Alexander Nikolaevich and Nina Alexandrovna lived in love and harmony for 35 years. They raised twelve children: seven sons and five daughters. They were able to give each child a good upbringing, education, as well as the love and warmth of a family hearth. In the friendly and strong Savelyev family, the older children, having successfully graduated from school, chose the professions that were in demand at their request: a food production technologist, an electrician, a builder, a driver, a pastry chef, and an auto mechanic. The younger ones are currently finishing their studies at the gymnasium.
Alexander Nikolayevich and Nina Aleksandrovna Savelyeva from Krasnoslobodsk, Sredneakhtubinsky District, Volgograd Region, were awarded the Order of Parental Glory for their worthy performance of parental duties. The President of Russia presented the award to them in the Kremlin. Photo: From the personal archive
The older children, Eugene and Marina, created their own families. And they have already pleased their parents with the birth of three grandchildren. Alexander Nikolayevich and Nina Alexandrovna help them in their upbringing. The Saveliev family is respected by fellow countrymen. They are always ready to help those who need it.
Together with local residents, the entire large friendly family of the Savelyevs equipped a playground in the village of Peschanka. Now it is a favorite vacation spot for local children. Youth teams also hold their sports competitions here.
In 2012, by the Decree of the President of the Russian Federation, the Savelyevs were awarded the medal of the Order of Parental Glory for strengthening the institution of marriage, worthy performance of parental duties. The family went to the solemn ceremony in Moscow almost in full force. Today, a special place of honor in the family album is occupied by photographs taken in the Hall of Columns in the Kremlin, in which the family is next to Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“Supporting large families, we think about the present and future of our region, our country. Every year the number of large families is growing: if in 2014 there were 21.5 thousand large families in our region, now there are almost two thousand more. This pleases,” said Evgeny Kharichkin, Deputy Governor of the Volgograd Region, at the ceremony of presenting the badge of honor of the Governor of the Volgograd Region “Mother's Glory”.
“For us, the main wealth is our children,” Nina Aleksandrovna admits. - They are the successors of our family, our family traditions. What could be more valuable?
Ocean Love
Olga and Pavel Meleshkov- the most large parents of Volgograd. They are raising nine daughters and five sons. The Meleshkovs took five girls aged 5 to 11 in an orphanage several years ago, when there were already five children in their family. The period of getting used to and entering the family for newcomers was not easy. But the rich experience of education, patience and parental love work wonders. Today it is a big friendly family, where there is no division of children into “us” and “them”, and all are “kindred”. In 2013, fate prepared a New Year's surprise for the Meleshkov spouses. Olga and Pavel were waiting for the birth of one baby, but a miracle happened, and three heroes were born with a difference of several minutes at once - Nikolai, Fedor and Mikhail. But the Meleshkovs did not stop there either. Last year, they adopted another child into the family - five-year-old Tanechka.
Spouses Olga Gennadievna and Pavel Anatolyevich Meleshkov from Volgograd are record holders. They are raising 14 children, nine of whom are adopted. All of them are engaged in circles and sports sections. Photo: From the personal archive
In this family, everything is done together. The older ones help look after the younger ones. Growing children begin to help their parents in housekeeping. Girls responsible for cleanliness and comfort strictly monitor the order in the house. The older ones help their mother in the kitchen. Cooking breakfast-lunch-dinner for such a large family is not an easy task. Boys, under the guidance of their father, master skills in men's housework - they make, repair, build. And in the evenings, when mother reads another fairy tale to the youngest of the Meleshkovs for a dream, the whole family flocks to literary readings. And smart and loud children sit and listen with bated breath. Pavel and Olga managed to instill in their children a love of literature. The children in this family are friends with books and do not part from early childhood.
The great merit of Pavel and Olga Meleshkovs is that they make every effort for the harmonious upbringing of their children. Children in the Meleshkov family attend various circles and sections, which they choose based on their abilities. They study English, master the basics of performing arts at a music school, attend sports clubs in football, hockey, figure skating, learn pas in dance clubs. And everyone is waiting for news from the eldest son Anton. He studies at the Mozhaisky Higher Military Space Academy in St. Petersburg.
The Meleshkovs, who celebrated their 21st year of marriage this year, admit that their cherished dream has come true. Olga and Pavel imagined family life with a noisy chorus of cheerful children's voices. Pavel, a former military officer in Chechnya, was awarded the Order of Courage, and is an example for his sons. Olga, an accountant by profession, is currently fulfilling with honor the most important mission of a woman - keeping the warmth of the hearth.
“A mother's heart is an ocean of love,” says Olga Meleshkova. - It is able to embrace the love of every child. And in this we see the main purpose - in our children, in their success at school, in creative and sports victories. This is our whole life."
8 families received a state award - the Order of Parental Glory, of which 4 families were awarded the award by the President of the Russian Federation in Moscow. 6 families received the Medal of the Order of Parental Glory. 186 people received the regional award for mothers of many children. 126 women received the Badge of Honor of the administration of the Volgograd region "Motherhood" (the award was presented from 2000 to 2009). 194 mothers of many children were awarded the Badge of Honor of the Administration of the Volgograd Region "Mother's Glory" (given since 2001). 40 people received the Badge of Honor of the Governor of the Volgograd Region "Mother's Glory" (awarded from 2012 to the present).The material is published within the framework of the project "Family: where the future is born"