Father and son. the irreplaceable role of the father in raising his son. Proper upbringing of a son by a father, the specifics of their relationship. Help your child form his views on the world

Eco-friendly Parenting: Our affection for our mothers cannot be compared with anything else, they are with us from birth, they take care of us and feed us, but our fathers are something else. They bring adventure and danger into our lives, and they tell us that if you hit, it's okay.

10 Lessons Fathers Should Teach Their Sons

When I was four years old, I played with a boy who was six years old. He acted as if he were my friend, but he occasionally pushed me. I told my dad about it and he gave me the advice I needed. It was this advice that, starting at an early age, began to shape me into the person I am today.

He told me to resist.

He said that if they want to push me or hit me, I should hit first and hit hard. It is possible that “strike first and hit hard” were not his exact words (I could read them in the book), but that was the meaning.

However, children at this age do not delve into nuances of meaning very much, so the next time I saw my offender in the backyard of our house, who in fact was a good child most of the time, I shouted: “Dad! Dad!". When I saw my father's head in the window and realized that he could see me, I hit the boy right in the jaw. He dropped like a ton of bricks and never tried to intimidate me again.

The problem, of course, was that he was not a bully. He was a completely normal child. But my father's punishment was enough for me and I couldn't wait to take revenge, so I hit him first.

Our mothers take care of feeding us. They teach us kindness and affection, but kindness is of little use if you have to defend yourself. This is where our dads come in. We need both men and women, and we need to appreciate both what they are and what they teach us.

Our affection for our mothers cannot be compared with anything else., they are with us from birth, they take care of us and feed us, but our fathers are something else. They bring adventure and danger into our lives, and they tell us that if you hit, it's okay.

I think it would be useful to consider the lessons that fathers should teach their sons. Some of these lessons are forgotten in our politically correct and debauched world, in our emasculated society. However, where they are not forgotten, leaders emerge who can lead the nation in the right direction.

We need more leaders. We need more fighters and fewer cowards.

1. Strike first and strike hard.

If a boy allows himself to be bullied, then he will be bullied when he becomes an adult.. He must fight and become a fighter. People are not born cowards, they become cowards because they are allowed to be so.. They are allowed to walk away from the struggle by their parents, who tell their children that they should never resist. They are allowed this by those parents who babysit their children and tell them that violence never solves anything.

Sometimes, especially in childhood, retaliatory violence brings respect. But the child cannot fight back against anyone who tries to offend him; In addition, another problem has appeared in our modern society. Previously, ridicule ended with the last call. Today, all social networks are filled with insults and it is almost impossible to avoid them. You must teach your son to strike first if he faces a physical threat, but if that threat is emotional, if it is hidden behind the computer, you must teach him to be tough emotionally as well.

2. You are only offended when you allow it.

Sacrifice does not occur without the victim's permission. When a victim allows someone to ridicule him, mock his dreams, or torment him, the abuser gets satisfaction. No matter how fat your child is, how clumsy or ugly he is, he needs to know that he is still strong and that he is part of something big, and not just an object of ridicule from his classmates.

He must know your history, the history of your family, in order to understand what he is a part of.. He needs to understand how strong he is and how insignificant his troubles are..

3. Be a defender, not an attacker.

If your child is physically strong, you may face the opposite problem. He can be cruel. In this case you you need to teach him to be a protector, not an aggressor. You need to raise him to be an athlete who can sit alone in the corner of a cafe without caring what other kids say about him.

You must raise a leader who makes his own rules, not what others expect.

4. Laziness can't give anything

If your son believes that success, greatness, happiness, values ​​in life are all things that he is entitled to, he has lost. Talk of rights is becoming more and more popular, it is a cancer in the body of society, from which everyone demands to ensure personal prosperity.

This doesn't make any sense. If your son learns to enjoy the process of work itself, and not just the material benefits it brings, then you will have a happy, successful and strong son.

5. There are difficulties in life

We like to tell fairy tales to our children, but originally these fairy tales were about strong people. Hansel and Gretel? In its original version, it was a rather brutal story. Modern fairy tales have been reworked to present the world as a good place where only good people live. The reality is that the world is not always good and different people live in it.

The world is a place of struggle, and one of the few things that is guaranteed to happen in it is hardship and sorrow. But God does not give us trials greater than we are able to endure. If you accept this as a fact, then nothing can stop you.

Life is hard. Not all people are good. You must earn everything you get, otherwise you will get nothing but cynicism and envy as your constant companions.

6. Be a man who cares about his woman

In another distorted attempt to create equality, we are increasingly trying to blur the difference between the sexes. In this situation, the roles of men and women become perhaps even more important. Wives are called our better half. Take care of your woman, protect her, help her, fight for her. Make sure your son sees you doing this, otherwise he will never be the one to take care of his woman.

This is something that needs to be taught through actions, not words.. Words cannot convey what a man should look like at home. They can't convey the tenderness he shows or the toughness when it's called for. Men and women are very different creatures. Be the yin to her yang, a man to a woman, and let this serve not only her, but also your son.

We need more men who are men at home too. Don't neglect your responsibilities as a father or husband because your son loses.

7. Serve others

Leaders serve people. ABOUT neither the first to go into battle nor the last to leave the battlefield. Serve others and let your son see that. Tell him to serve others and not himself; he will never become the person you would like him to be unless you explain this to him yourself.

8. Never stop

The inaction of good people is as bad as the actions of bad people. We are increasingly becoming a society of softies, your son should not become one of them. Raising a warrior and protector requires developing courage, not cowardice, in a man.

Never stop in your life, and you can be sure that your son will become a man of action, not intentions.

9. Money is not everything, but it is a lot

As our society becomes more and more consumerist, your son must learn to be a provider and saver, a fan of thrift. The things people spend their money on today are completely useless, and they do it all in an attempt to impress people whose opinions they don't care about.

What you have truly belongs to you. Teach your son to see value in work and acquiring knowledge, and not in trinkets, gadgets or other things.

However, money has its meaning. Earning money allows you to take care of your family and not worry about many important things in your life. Poor people talk about money more than those who live in abundance because the way of thinking of a wealthy person dictates that he should talk about ideas rather than about people or things. When you don't have to worry about money, the only topic of conversation can be how to get more out of it.

10. Become a master of something.

Practice and perfection. Teach your son to value craftsmanship and a variety of skills. It is not at all necessary that you will earn money thanks to your skills, but they are always beneficial. And the better you are at doing something, the more your skill is valued.

Teach your son to value hands-on activities from an early age.. Practice everything. Practice your skills. Learn to love creating good things. These things come from good practice, not talent.

Words vs Actions

Most of these lessons require teaching by doing.. Our actions have a much greater impact on our sons than our words, which they often tend to ignore. So, make sure you practice each of the ten lessons on this list. They will do you good.

If you do something useful every day, your son will learn every day. published

Does a boy really need a father? Nonsense!

They live with sadistic, pathologically jealous, and cheating husbands. Well, having lost the father of their child, they immediately try to find a replacement for him, and readily enter into a relationship with the first person who will take care of their son, regardless of how pleasant and comfortable it is for them to be around these people. In essence, they choose not a husband for themselves, but a father for their child.

They are ruining their lives. They believe that this way they will be able to raise their son to be a man. In vain. In the end, their sacrifice is in vain. Because the absence of a man in the house does not at all prevent mothers from raising their sons to be real men.

Of course, a full-fledged family is a favorable atmosphere for the development of a child. But the lesser of two evils is always chosen. And it is a mistake to think: “The main thing is that there is a father, and it doesn’t matter which one.”

If the relationship between the spouses does not work out, but they want to do everything in their power for the benefit of their child, the best option for him is to grow up in a calm environment where mutual hostility does not reign.

Until recently, children raised in single-parent families suffered social trauma. The children's group is cruel. He never misses an opportunity to put pressure on the sore spot of one of his members. Bullying by peers about the absence of a father caused psychological trauma to children. But modern children are no longer susceptible to this. At least those of them who live in big cities.

In the current phase of development, the norms and boundaries of decency have been expanded. If just 30 years ago divorce was considered a shame, now it is in the order of things. Children raised in single-parent families are no longer uncommon. Therefore, today they do not suffer psychologically in the absence of their father.

But the opinion “A boy needs a father” is firmly entrenched in our minds. We believe. We do not doubt for a second that in order to raise a boy as a man, there must certainly be someone in the house who will set an example for the child. In fact, a mother has every opportunity and ability to independently raise her son to be a man. And in this article we will show how this can be done.

But since the very concept of “male quality” is too subjective, each person has his own understanding of this word, we will talk about how to instill specific qualities in a boy.

How to raise your son to be a man? Instilling a sense of responsibility

The ability to take responsibility, to feel responsible for one’s own actions and for other people, the ability to see and understand the consequences of one’s actions is an important trait of any man. And it can easily be instilled in a boy from the earliest years of his life.

The situation is easiest with skin boys. They have this quality innate. And in order to develop it, you just need to interact correctly with such a child - to develop his skin properties. The process of his upbringing should be based on restrictions and prohibitions. He always needs to clearly indicate the boundaries beyond which he cannot go. Discipline is an important component of raising a skin child. Daily class schedule. Weekly task plan. Strategic goals for the month and monitoring their implementation. All this will help your skin son to develop his skin properties. And with the development of these properties, he will develop the ability to take responsibility for his actions.

Each vector has its own qualities and strengths, properties inherent in nature. But even if your son does not have a skin vector and does not have natural properties that would allow him to take responsibility, you can well raise him in such a way that he can, using his own properties, meet the requirements for a man.

In the case of a small urethral leader, one must always show how important and significant his every action is. What catastrophic consequences can even a minor offense lead to? It is not dangerous to slightly exaggerate the significance of his actions:

If you don't do your physics homework, you'll get a bad grade on the test, and then you won't be able to answer a question on that topic on the exam, and you'll get a bad grade. You will never be accepted into the Institute of Space Research/Technology, and you will never fly into space, which means you will not discover a new planet that threatens the Earth, it will pull our planet with the force of its gravity, and we will all die.

Each time you describe what catastrophic consequences this or that action of your little leader can lead to, you will very easily and quickly develop in him the ability to feel responsible for his actions and their consequences.

The situation is no more complicated with an anal boy. In general, it is the boy with the anal vector who is easiest to raise as a man and instill in him all masculine qualities. The mental features of this vector force boys to always unconsciously strive to prove themselves as men. For them, the very words “you’re a man”/“you’re not behaving like a man”/“this action is not worthy of a man” already have enormous power. The anal vector is very trainable, and a boy with such a vector can be raised as a man if you always clearly explain which of his actions are worthy of the title of “real man” and which are not.

In his case, no artificial manipulations are even required; it is enough to simply educate him in accordance with his properties and value systems. Don't offend. Do not allow him to develop a feeling of injustice. In raising such a boy, it is important not to go too far with the emphasis on masculinity. You can read about the proper upbringing of boys with anal vector in the article “Slow Child”

How to raise your son to be a man? Instilling courage

First, let's define the very concepts of “cowardice” and “courage.” What is courage? The ability to come out of a situation under any pressure of the landscape with the intention of doing better for society, and not for oneself.

Thus, in a stressful situation, when there is a threat to health or life, a not very well adapted skinman will be the first to run away and hide in an effort to “save his skin.” And this is natural. But socially unacceptable. "Unmanly." What can be done to ensure that, under any pressure of the landscape, the skinman can behave courageously? Increase his resistance to stress. And this can be done in one way - to correctly develop the properties of its vectors.

Even a sound engineer can be mistaken for a coward. Sound people love silence. They need it vitally. Loud sounds deal a severe blow to their psyche. Therefore, they often simply hide from loud noises. How to deal with this trait? It’s all the same – to help a little sound player develop its properties. This will make it more adaptable to loud noises.

Even a urethral patient can be a coward. Although he is destined by nature to be a daredevil, if he develops incorrectly, he can become a pathological coward. But don’t rush to get scared. To turn a urethral into a coward, you have to try very hard. Namely, from early childhood you need to start suppressing it. This works very well for frustrated anal fathers. Therefore, if, at the next prank of your sadistic husband, you habitually reassure yourself that “the boy needs a father,” remember this.

If you do not suppress the urethral, ​​respectfully accept his dominance and do not allow such phrases as “You are still too young for this”, “You are not yet old enough to teach your elders” and the like in communication with him, then the question of courage will not arise.

The situation is more complicated with visual boys. It’s more difficult in the sense that we don’t know how to understand them. After all, the visual vector is empathy, compassion, tears, high emotional amplitude. Such qualities in our minds are somehow not linked to the concept of “man”. But with proper development, the visual vector does not at all interfere with raising a son as a man. The main thing to remember is that under no circumstances should such boys be prevented from crying. But at the same time, you need to observe what kind of tears they are - tears of compassion for someone or tears of self-pity.

In the first case, there is no reason to panic; on the contrary, such tears indicate the correct development of the vector. In the second case, you need to work on developing compassion. At a young age, fairy tales about compassion are effective.

Keep track of what cartoons your son watches. Ideal from the point of view of visual vector development would be such cartoons as the good old “Beauty and the Beast” and “The Lion King”. Carefully ensure that your visual boy does not watch horror films, this is very traumatic for the visual vector.

If you correctly develop the visual vector and bring it into sympathy, then your visual boy will never be considered a coward. Of course, it’s unlikely to make him a great daredevil, but he will become a completely adequate man.

How to raise your son to be a man? Instilling self-confidence

Perhaps no one will argue with the fact that self-confidence is an important male quality. Ability to take initiative. Walk confidently through life and lead your family with you. These are the qualities for which women value men and other men respect them.

A boy with an anal vector can have big problems with self-confidence. If the vector develops incorrectly, such boys grow up to be mumblers, unable to take even a step forward. Afraid to go out into the big life, meet women, start families.

In order to prevent your son from turning into such a “miracle”, you must, as in the case of the skin vector when instilling a sense of responsibility, simply let him develop his properties correctly. Do not allow unfair behavior in your interaction with him, which can lead to the emergence of deep resentments, which become the cause of the development of self-doubt. It is also important to be understanding about such a trait of boys with an anal vector as slowness and the desire to bring everything to completion. You can’t rush him, you must always wait patiently for him to lace up his shoes, tuck in his shirt, and finish telling his story, even if it’s a very boring one. It is very important to be patient with such a child and not get irritated by his slowness. And you shouldn’t think that he needs to be somehow artificially taught to be more agile. You can show faster ways to solve certain problems, but in no case should you pull back, shout, or constantly repeat that everything needs to be done faster! It is this attitude that makes anal boys those very insecure “submen” who are not able to put together two words to meet a girl or repel a boor.

As you can see, in order to instill in a child the qualities inherent in a real man, the presence of the man himself in the house is not at all necessary. We mistakenly believe that a child needs an example, when in fact he just needs proper development.

If a boy suffers from constant pressure, he is treated unfairly and inadequate prohibitions are imposed on him, then let men of men loom in front of him from the first day of his life - this will not help him develop masculine qualities. And vice versa. If a boy does not have a worthy example before his eyes, but is raised according to his vectorial characteristics, he will grow up to be an adapted and worthy member of society. A man who will be worthy of this title.

Every boy needs a man who would help him “download the life program” - would show him what it means to be a man. This is the greatest privilege given to a father and the greatest gift a father can give to his son.

There is a special bond between father and son, and it is a great joy for the boy when his father approves of his actions. Testing your strength on your dad and learning life from his example is the best protection for a boy in the most severe trials of life, including physical violence and all kinds of failures.

The father's guidance, instructions, support, approval and love ensure the child's connection with the world of men. Numerous studies over the past few decades have convincingly confirmed that the role of the father in a boy's life is crucial. These same studies point to the sad fact that if there is no dad or there is one, but you can’t approach him, then this causes great harm to the formation of the boy’s character.

Research also shows that no matter how involved fathers are in their sons' lives, their involvement is never too much and that this involvement has a huge impact on the child's future. If the father took an active part in raising the boy, then the positive effect of this will affect him for many years - on his ability to show empathy and enter into healthy social relationships, including intimate ones.

If we exclude cases of violence, insults or indifference on the part of the father, then he is always the main hero for his boy.

Fathers have a special way of interacting with their sons that falls under the category of “male camaraderie.” The father plays the role of a person through whom the boy establishes a relationship with the outside world, with all its horrors and dangers.

Father is not mother in male form. He has his own fatherly style of parenting, he does everything differently.

The time allotted for playing with your son is precisely communication, which is especially necessary for every boy. The physical, often wild, play that dad engages in and the desire to push the narrow boundaries of his child's world are healthy and necessary parts of a boy's development. While mothers try to calm their kids down so that they don’t get mischievous, dads, on the contrary, often disturb them, starting games with them in their own special way, teaching them their own “masculine” science.

Exuberant, activity-oriented activity with dad, which sometimes drives mom crazy, is vital to boys' development. Such interaction will teach them to keep incipient aggressiveness under control, without leading to a real fight and maintaining a friendly connection with the other person. This is not at all what many people think about these games.

Violent physical play is not just a male fad, but a wonderful school that can teach a boy many things, including the ability to control his emotions, how far he can go in a game, and the ability to evaluate whether he can handle a particular activity. The boy is simply learning to understand his dad and his own feelings. If a baby starts screaming when an adult “goes too far” in a game, or simply loses interest in it when it turns out to be too much for him, then the father should immediately realize that his son needs help so that he can cope with the situation.

OTHER BENEFITS OF HAVING A FATHER'S PRESENCE

The boy learns to read his dad's facial expressions, as well as his "body language" and understand what behavior is correct for him in this case. This helps the baby learn an important social skill - quickly understanding the intentions of other people. He will experience a whole range of emotions that will sometimes overwhelm him. The boy learns to understand when dad is joking, and when he lets him know that he has crossed an invisible border that cannot be crossed. Dad can organize the game in such a way that the boy does not experience confusion, or, conversely, bring it to a level where he can no longer handle it.

When playing with his son, the father should talk to him, thereby helping him grow up and strengthen control over his emotions.

The presence of a father helps children in the sense that they quickly develop connections between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. This is especially necessary for boys, as it helps develop their speech skills.

* Boys who spend quality time with their father show more ability in mathematics.

* Boys who do not see their fathers are four times more likely to drop out of school and are much more likely to develop drug and alcohol addictions and are more likely to commit crimes.

* Cases of mental illness occur much less frequently in boys in families where they constantly see their father.

BOYS NEED A FATHER WHO:

All normal men died out, leaving behind only lazy, weak, passive and effeminate male representatives - says the majority of modern women. There really are fewer and fewer real men. What is the reason for the degeneration of masculinity, and how to correct the situation?

In fact, a weak man begins with his mother. Especially if the father takes an indirect part in raising the child, does not take part at all, or the mother removes him from such participation. And even more so if there is not much of a real man in the father himself. Excessive maternal care is the reason for the appearance of droolers and henpecked. A mother wipes the snot of a child up to 10 years old, cleans his room, laces his shoes, calling all this caring for the baby and maternal love, which, by the way, noticeably prevails over reason. But as soon as the child has learned to do all this on his own (about 5 years old), it is already worth teaching him to be independent.

Scattered toys? Kindly collect - you need to be able to take responsibility for your actions and correct mistakes. Can't tie your shoes? Learn to solve problems, mom shows for the last time. Did you come running to complain to your mom that they took the car from the yard? Show courage and determination yourself, you are a man. Here is a diagram of correct maternal behavior. And no matter how sorry she is for her son and no matter how her soul is eager to save him everywhere and do everything for him, the mother needs to overcome herself. Otherwise, you will not just raise another “man,” but you will ruin your child’s life, because he will simply not be prepared for it - he will not be able to achieve his goals, achieve professional, financial, or personal success. Do you want this kind of future for your child?

7 things that boys must be taught

Overcoming difficulties

From a very early age, the son must be left alone with obstacles. If you don’t give him a chance to cope with the problem, to find a solution on his own, he will never learn this and will think that everything in life will be easily solved without his participation.

Let him dress himself, use his wits and strength, and train his determination.

Men's activities

There is no need to take your son to dance if he wants to play football. His areas of interest should include hiking with self-made fires, fishing, sports, technology, cars, martial arts, swords and pistols. Naturally, according to the hobbies of each individual child. But the essence is the same - the occupation should be male. If there is no man nearby and there is no one to instill in him an interest in these activities, there is no one to teach him all the wisdom; today there are special clubs for boys where they teach all this. In the end, not everything is lost with your personal life - if you really want, you can meet a man who will become a real example of masculinity for your son. Brothers, teachers, coaches, uncles, grandfathers - mothers, find any way, but the child must communicate with the man almost more than with you.

Providing freedom

Don’t go there, don’t touch this, fighting is bad – that’s what the son hears from his mother every now and then. Such prohibitions are appropriate only if the life of a child is threatened. The rest is fine! It is in the nature of boys to fight. Otherwise, how will he learn to protect his future woman and defend his position if the offender does not understand the words?

Give your child freedom - the opportunity to climb and touch, disassemble and assemble. Men's nature is a thirst for research and discovery. Let him figure it out on his own. Don't limit this freedom. The son must gain male experience, even if he gets some bumps.

Decision making skills

Give your child the opportunity to make his own choice. Don't decide for him. He himself must be responsible for his choice. Otherwise, he will be unable to make decisions in the future, will grow up unsure of himself and will be afraid to take responsibility for his actions. Again, the woman will decide for him.

Didn't do his homework - got two. He didn’t wash his plate - he eats from a dirty one. He didn’t take his pants to the wash - he walks around grimy. Teach your child to recognize the consequences of his behavior and solve problems.

Let him choose which book to read, which cartoon to watch. This does not mean that if he preferred computer games to reading, he should be allowed to play all day. Your task is to push him only once to make the right choice, explain the benefits of reading books, instill the habit of developing his intellect, working, helping around the house, and dedicating only an hour to fun.

The more opportunities a son has to make independent decisions, the faster he will learn this and the less he will be afraid of mistakes and defeats.

Leadership

A man must be a leader. Create competitive conditions for him. A sports club or competitions with other boys in the yard are a great option. At the same time, there is no need to go too far - the requirement to always be first in everything can break it sooner or later, it all depends on character. But one thing is for sure - you need to instill in him the desire to achieve his goals, putting maximum effort into it.

Responsibilities

The son must have responsibilities - around the house, at school, etc. He must know how the washing machine turns on, which side the refrigerator opens from, how clean T-shirts get into the closet, where the trash from the carpet goes. And you don’t need to think that these are women’s responsibilities. A real man should also know and be able to do all this. Including how to hammer a nail and fix a leaky faucet. This begins to instill responsibility, hard work, independence, and also eliminates the fear of a problem and the desire to shift its solution to someone else.

Desire to help

The son should help. Mom, neighbor girl, grandmother, sister, dad... A boy will never become a man if no one needs him. He must realize the importance of helping people. Ask him to help take out the trash, peel potatoes, fix an iron with dad, or fix a broken toy for your sister. Don't think in advance that he won't cope. Let him try, try, experiment. He must feel your faith that he will succeed.

Tell your son more often that he is your helper, hero and protector. Reassure him that he is strong and brave. Don’t be afraid to hand over the reins to him, even if he doesn’t pronounce all the letters yet. Do not command him and do not suppress his masculinity. Only with such upbringing will he grow up to be a real man.

Based on materials from Olga Valyaeva’s book “The Purpose of Being a Mother.”

Read other articles about parents and children on the pages of our magazine.

Love is a mutual feeling.
Something a father teaches his children,
Children teach their father something.
They educate each other.

Father's education makes an irreplaceable contribution to the formation of the child’s personality; in order to create good discipline in the family and achieve mutual understanding with the growing child, the parent needs to correctly position himself in front of him. Dad is an example of a real man for his son, who is looking for the necessary experience in him to communicate with people in life. A large number of psychological experiments indicate that with proper upbringing, a daughter often looks for a life partner with a character that best matches her father’s type. At the same time, the boy adopts certain forms of behavior from his father for work, starting a family and simple communication with peers.

Famous psychologist Sigmund Freud noted the strongest children's need for protection from men families, arguing that from a very early age the infant must understand that dad will always come to the rescue in case of a dangerous situation.

The role of the father in the family has its own characteristics and characteristics, knowing which you can have a beneficial influence on the growing child.

Undoubtedly, the role of the father in raising his son leaves a huge imprint on the future behavior pattern

Raising boy father must understand that child won't a man simply because he was born that way, first of all, he needs to set a good example. A dad can (should) become a real example for his son, if he treats him patiently and with respect, avoiding unnecessary rudeness And violence. Otherwise, the boy may become unsure of himself and will feel awkward around other guys; also in such situations, children often lean closer to mom, taking over from her manners And interests.
Father must always support oneself son Not only moralizing, in this case it is very important faith into the child and development in it self-respect And self-sufficiency. In growing son must always be seen potential And capabilities to help him discover his talents. In parallel with this quality, it is necessary to stimulate the development independence And own opinion at boy so that in the future he can safely answer for his actions.
Special attention in education son respect should be given to girl, woman, mother, explaining the rules of behavior and relationships with the opposite sex. However, there is no way to get by with simple words; everything is necessary. show by example in everyday communication, as in family circle, and beyond.

Trust in the world

Dad - this is a person who plays a special, very important role in the development of the baby. If Mother is associated in the baby with internal world (she is always there, feeds, clothes, changes diapers, literally predicts wishes), then dad - With external. He comes only in the evening, communication with him is limited, and he does not always understand what he wants Baby. He, like the wind, brings with him a new information: smells, sensations. And exactly dad forms an attitude child to the outside world. If he attentive And kind, That Baby understands that the world is safe and can be trusted. If dad dissatisfied And rude then to the child the outside world seems hostile And dangerous.

Carrot or stick? Try parenting with your mind.
You can only act with authority and kindness; you cannot act with force.
INAt the beginning, you need to look for where to reward, but you will always find something to punish for.
We need to speak as equals and make people feel responsible for themselves.

Dad's Affection must be earned, but it can also be lost. Main message: “I love you because you meet my expectations and fulfill your responsibilities.” On the one hand, the need to achieve recognition is a very good incentive for development. But the feeling is that Love you can lose - a difficult test for baby. It is very important that these experiences do not develop into permanent fear. Love father must be patient And condescending, but not threatening And authoritarian. Need to respect, demand, but not suppress and not humiliate. This is the only way to give a little person a feeling own strength.
What's the result??A loving dad must allow the child to get rid of his father's authority and become... an authority for himself.

… You can experience incredible sensations with dad. He can throw a baby right up to the ceiling, carry it on his shoulders... All this is so interesting to the discoverer! When the baby gets older, dad will teach him how to do exercises, exercise, perhaps instill a taste for hiking, sports, and an active lifestyle.....

It's no secret that the upbringing of both parents is important for any child. However, recently scientists proved that children, in whose development an active role plays father, grow more smart And successful. During 50 years scientists from Center for Behavior and Evolution at the University of Newcastle followed life 17 thousand babies born in the same week, analyzing the effect of active paternal education. When participants research have reached adulthood, scientists spent detailed time with them interview, in which they were defined social mobility, success, having your own family, as well as how good parents they are compared to their own.

Only in 2004 were interviewed 5600 person who has reached the age 46 years old. The survey results confirmed the findings throughout the study. As it turned out, children whose fathers played an active role in their upbringing, taking private walks with them and reading books together, grew up more successful than those whose upbringing was entrusted to the shoulders of their mothers.
“What surprised me in the results obtained were the very specific numbers that speak of the success of children who received enough attention from their father in childhood, noted doctor Daniel Nettle, head of the research group. —It is interesting that even 30 years later, these people are distinguished by the fact that they are much better settled in life and make it easier to make a career, moving up the social ladder. This suggests that the child benefits from the involvement of the other parent in his life, and this affects his skills and abilities that remain with him forever.”

A father who is not stupid can pass on useful knowledge and wisdom to his child, which is undoubtedly more valuable than money and any capital; knowledge is something that a son cannot squander, squander, it is something that will forever remain with his beloved child and will help him all his life!

It is surprising that despite the fact that usually fathers more likely to babysit sons than with daughters, their upbringing turned out to be fruitful for children both floors

Building self-esteem

Because the Mother is nearby all the time, her criticism or praise is not always significant for baby. As the child grows up, he learns to manipulate ma-my, With dad This trick doesn't always work. Dad is less often present nearby, and its assessment for the baby is more significant. Dad praises or scolds, approves or is indignant. Based on its reactions, a self-esteem at child.

Defining boundaries

To the opinion dads listens Mother, And Baby, even without understanding the words yet, he catches the intonation. He feels that we set the rules of the game this Human. It defines the scope of what is permitted, shows what behavior is allowed and what is strictly prohibited. It is very important that opinions dads And moms coincided. U child Now the so-called map of the world is being formed, and if one parent allows something and the other prohibits it, the baby will become confused and developmental difficulties may begin. That is why parents need to remember that with a child they cannot sort things out and adhere to different behavioral tactics. Agree on everything behind closed doors; the baby should have one indisputable authority. And it’s very good if it’s the father.

...It is important that dad has some kind of daily tradition, be it bathing or putting the baby to bed. Repeating a certain action more regularly gives the child a feeling of confidence. Having a mother nearby is one thing. Another thing is dad, he is not home all day, and this already causes anxiety. But, nevertheless, he always comes back, he is reliable, one might say, dad is the guarantor of stability, he strengthens the baby’s confidence in the world around him. In addition, traditions establish an inextricable connection between the baby and the father, when the action turns into a ritual...

Understanding who is who

Mother And dad- two halves of one whole. They perceive many things differently and react to events. For the formation of a full-fledged personality, it is necessary and mom's And pa-ping experience. That's why dad it is necessary to actively become involved in the life of a little person. At a certain stage (closer to 3 years) children begin to fight for daddy attention.

Boys begin to compete with dad . They simultaneously copy men's traits and compete for mom's attention. Subconsciously feel in dad opponent, so they enter into a fight with him, showing that they brave, courageous, strong. U boys at this age it is formed male self-consciousness, attitude towards oneself as a man, a protector.

...At the age of 6-8 months, the baby begins to experience various fears - darkness, loneliness, etc. Parents help deal with them. But they do it in completely different ways. So, the mother does not immediately enter the dark room as a baby. First, they open the door, then look inside, then together they take the first step... Dad takes the baby in his arms and boldly enters the dark room, encouraging the baby. Dad teaches him to be brave, with him the child is ready to face danger. It's not scary with dad. Perhaps the mother even thinks that he solves the issues too radically; this experience is also useful for the baby...

World exploration

Daily grooving with mom, of course, bring a lot of impressions. But the trip with dad can turn into a whole adventure. Popes bolder, more decisive and with them you can explore those places where you mom the baby didn't come in. Trips, long-distance travel - all this is organized dad . It's incredibly fun to walk with him - after all, dad He probably won’t scold you for dirty things; on the contrary, he will happily take part in “dirty deeds”: building a sand tower or a snow slide.

Men's priorities

Even a restless person becomes a good boy when he watches how dad something glues, crafts, nails. This is a completely different area of ​​life Mother doesn't know how to do this. It broadens your horizons child, develops curiosity (after all, you really want to look at everything that lies in a treasure chest - daddy's suitcase with tools). Popes are able to find a way out of the most confusing and difficult situation. The baby doesn't want to fall asleep under mom's lullaby? Dad suddenly he starts beating the drum and suddenly, lo and behold, the baby calms down. Dad's sense of humor and resourcefulness help solve many problems. Popes everyone does things differently moms. Baby sees this diversity, which is very useful for his development and maturation.

Father, think about what YOU can give to the baby!
Chat every day! Even if the time is only a quarter of an hour. Just include a date with your child in your schedule. Then it will become a necessity, but at first you can use a diary.

• Collect information about children. Rest assured: even your know-it-all wife always has something to learn. For example, from the books of the famous pediatrician Evgeniy Komarovsky you will learn about reasonable hardening. Start taking action. After all, many mothers are unable to do this task. They feel closer to thoughts of wrapping and keeping warm.


• Allow yourself active games with your baby. Dynamic gymnastics, scuba diving in the bath, various developmental exercises - you have a lot of possibilities.


• Become a bearer of peace. And also the experience of stability in your family. It’s very difficult for a young mother: hormonal changes, fatigue, increased anxiety and fear for the baby. Everything comes at once.


• Your job is to balance and calm. The strength and confidence emanating from you will certainly be passed on not only to your wife, but also to your child, and then harmony and order will reign in your home. Most likely for a long time. If you set everything up from the very beginning, then later it will become easier for you to solve new problems that your grown-up daughter or son will throw at you.

Road to the world
REMEMBER! And it is you, the father, who will need to introduce the baby into the adult world, make him a member of the male community, and facilitate his socialization in accordance with the norms and requirements of society for the stronger sex.

Even conditional paternal love, which largely depends on the success of the child, prepares him for adaptation in society, where much depends on how others and yourself evaluate you. This is a kind of inoculation for the baby, who is accustomed to the greenhouse conditions of his mother’s adoration. However, please don't overdo it. The baby must understand that he has the right to make mistakes, and be sure that because of them he will not lose his father’s affection.

• Teach your son to approach problems constructively, not to give up, and to correct his mistakes. And don’t forget to do this yourself, especially if you offended the baby or committed injustice towards him. Father and son have a special relationship. They are one team.


• Both easily find a common language and sometimes understand each other perfectly.


• Dad, for example, does not need to explain that a stick picked up on the street miraculously “shoots” at the enemy, and there is no need to show where that very enemy is... It is important not to lose mutual understanding. Never brush your child off. If you have absolutely no strength to communicate with him, just say: “I’m tired. If I rest, we’ll definitely talk (let’s play, run).” And keep your word! A boy's need for a father increases at the age of five or six. Then mommy fades into the background. A very important stage begins in the separation of the son from his mother. This is the time of the boy’s sexual self-identification, active self-affirmation as a representative of the male half of humanity. It is extremely important for him to feel involved in his father’s world. He doesn’t just imitate, he already scans and analyzes his father’s actions.


• Support him in every possible way in these endeavors. And especially now.


• Connect it to your activities: whether you are repairing a car, or making repairs at the dacha - don’t be lazy to tell and show everything.


• Play boy games. These are active, endurance and strength-oriented classes. Sometimes it’s just noisy fussing and running around. And sometimes hide and seek, blind man's buff, catch-up, boxing and even sumo wrestling, there are very interesting free computer games for boys where you can play together. Firstly, it gives the little man the opportunity to assert himself. Secondly, it accustoms you to a special style of male communication, somewhat rude, but sincere. Thirdly, it helps the boy get rid of tension and aggression.


• Organize competitions: further, higher, stronger. This, after all, is a good training of masculine qualities, an opportunity to test yourself, to realize that in order to achieve victory you need to make a lot of effort. So don't rush to give up. Create conditions for a real struggle, of course, adjusted for the age characteristics of the baby. If you win, be sure to explain that you worked hard to achieve this result. And point out your son’s personal achievements in a specific activity: “You didn’t know how to ride a bike before. And now you're doing great! A little more - and you’ll just fly!” Tell me what else needs to be worked on. Undoubtedly, you will have to give in. But not deliberately, not obviously. To complete the feeling, victory must occur after a stubborn struggle. And the realization that “I defeated dad himself” will help the boy to respect himself even more and contribute to the formation of adequate self-esteem.


• Allow your son to express emotions. Who said that "boys don't cry"? They cry, rejoice, get irritated and nervous, but little by little they learn to manage their feelings, most often from their own father. Always make it clear that you care about his feelings: “You’re angry because you couldn’t score a goal in today’s game!” And when your child calms down, discuss what you can do to achieve better results next time.


• Teach independence. Give adult tasks regularly. For example, paint a bench in the garage (take some very old clothes from your mom!) or put screws and nuts in boxes and don’t stand over his soul! Let the baby work on his own. Your trust will strengthen his faith in himself... unless, of course, you start clutching your heart when you see that the car door, part of the floor and a brand new canister have been painted along with the bench.A sense of humor is a wonderful trait of a good, understanding dad!