Life with a strong man. Signs of a weak man. That is, sometimes you have to justify

24.09.2019

Today I propose to talk in great detail about strong men true as always. Take off the rose-colored glasses and forever get rid of the illusions about the "strong man", about his "shoulder", about the "stone wall". To be with this, you need to be 100%, with not relative, but certain feminine qualities.

So that all these romantic fantasies later do not turn into an eternal struggle with a strong man for the right to take precedence, I propose to understand in detail:

Who is a strong man?
What qualities does he have?
And what is it like to live with a strong man?

- Strong man- leader and head of the family. If you want to be close to such a man, then the conversation about democracy in the family is closed. A responsibility can't carry everything. It is carried by one and in this case it is a strong man. He also determines in which direction the family moves. The myth that it is possible to make joint decisions was invented by strong women. If a woman says “we make decisions together”, then only she is in the family and makes decisions. Always one accepts and the other agrees. Everything else is empty talk.

He accepts independent solutions and bears for them a responsibility. This is what everyone dreams of women- remove the burden of responsibility that crushes, destroys female psyche. We dream, but how to give up control, how to let a man make decisions?

Strong man ready to discuss his decision with a woman only in order to win her over to his side. And a woman who wants to be with a strong man respects his right to make decisions and be responsible for them. Responsibility makes a man stronger, and responsibility destroys a woman. Now let's remember song of a strong woman: - I'm losing myself, I'm losing my individuality, I'm not a slave, etc. But in fact, a woman loses control, her strength and her armor. It's scary when there's war, but now it's peacetime.

He ambitious and career takes an important place in the life of a strong man. In part, this is the meaning of his life. This means that he devotes a lot of time to work, career and success. Any man must take place in the profession he chooses. Without this, it is difficult for him to feel like a man. A woman can only have respect for the work that her husband is busy with. We are talking about the jealousy and grief of a woman, that a man pays little attention to her and does not go to children.

"Better to have ten percent of a 100 percent man than one hundred percent of a ten percent man." H. Andelin.

He is able to provide for his family, thinks like a breadwinner. He earns, and the woman has the opportunity not to work, but to take care of the house and family. She doesn't need anything. Yes, secretly every woman dreams about it. But how to "plant" yourself at home, to depend on it, what to do with your fear?

After all, many strong men subsequently insist that the woman does not work. A strong man does not need a woman who is engaged from morning to evening in her self-realization, he needs a loving wife who has the strength and desire to deal with the notorious rear. He needs the energy of a woman, which she will spend on him and on their common life, and not on self-realization.

Even if you have a housewife who can help you, the house needs female attention and energy. Without a woman, the house is empty, and sometimes neglected, there is no warmth and comfort in it. The most important thing is the ability of a woman to hold energetically what a man will bring, what he will be able to earn.

And when she's busy its implementation? Why is she a strong man? Yes, a woman can do something, but if she chooses a career and puts it in the first place, nothing will come of it. A woman can only make a career alone or with a weak man. If independent woman, builds career plans and is realized, this really hurts a man. Do you know why? Because he does not understand why he is needed then? A strong man cares little about a woman's career, he is interested in femininity and female energy.

He has clear principles and views on which he builds his life. He follows them and rarely violates them, even in the name of love and the preservation of relationships. Women often mistaken for love is the opportunity to yield to men. They are always checking how far a man can go in violation of his principles.

If he yields, then she herself does not respect him, and then she hopes to meet a stronger one. And if he does not yield, then a strong woman shouts that he is a despot. And a wise woman subtly feels that if a man is able to give up his views in the name of her whims, then what are these principles? His decisions are not discussed. Because for any decision you need to answer. And responsibility is a purely masculine quality. And the woman does not need it. Therefore, it easily yields and adjusts. But these are purely feminine qualities.

-The male handles all financial transactions in the family. The principle of "earn and give to me" was invented by strong women. A woman should not count money, worry about debit and credit, well, only if she does not want to become a financier in the family. A woman who counts money and is responsible for all the finances in the family loses her charm and femininity. “Women are not meant to worry about money. This burden leads to depression, women lose vivacity and charm, and sometimes bring themselves to mental and physical illness. H. Andelin.

He is engaged in the upbringing of children, especially boys. His word for children is law. The boy learns masculinity, strength and will from his father, and the girl grows in respect for a man. It will not be difficult for such a woman to build relationships in a couple later.

He knows what he wants in life, so he is firm, decisive, self-confident. Rarely need advice. Because any advice makes a man weaker, especially women. Even if he makes a mistake, he will correct it.

You need to understand that only a woman who unconditionally agrees with female nature can be with a strong man. Behind a stone wall, she is ready to leave her strength, independence, independence and leadership qualities. She is ready to become weak and dependent. No one is asking you to give up the power of your soul, but the neurotic power dictated by fears will have to be given up. A man needs a woman who is confident in her feminine charm, in her feminine Nature.

AND dependence on a man This is not prison or slavery. This is an understanding that the feminine nature is so arranged. And a woman needs protection, and women's happiness and well-being depend on a man.

Harmony is possible when two opposite energies, two opposite poles, are connected. And this harmony does not come from nowhere. Like, let it become stronger, and we will be happy. Does a strong man need a stubborn, domineering, strong-willed and demanding woman?

As long as you're like this woman hope for a strong partner will remain unfulfilled. And remember that in an alliance with a strong man, a woman does not lose freedom, not individuality and not herself, she loses control and the ability to defend herself on her own.

So now the question, think carefully before answering. Do you choose a strong man behind whom is like “behind a stone wall” or are you closer to your principles, the ability to make all decisions, protect yourself and provide? It's time to make a choice.

And remember, any man is a potential leader and strong, he is so conceived by Nature. You just need to become weak and feminine.

There is no such woman who would not dream of a strong man. The fair sex wants to forget about problems, worries and finally relax, leaning on a strong and reliable male shoulder. the site offers to consider all the pros and cons of living with a strong man.

A strong man is active and determined, and it is impossible to resist his perseverance. He easily takes responsibility for you and your children, emerges victorious from the most difficult situations, with him you can not worry about the material side of life and be just a weak woman.

But are the women who managed to become the legal wives of these delightful machos so lucky? Is life really easy and cloudless with strong men?

Unfortunately, what looks cute and romantic during courtship is family life can become a difficult problem. In some situations, the much-loved pluses of the beloved “strong man” turn into terrible minuses, with which you also have to learn to live.

From responsibility to despotism

Reliable man

Relationship

Anya dreamed of marrying a strong man all her life. And she was lucky to meet just such. Soon after weddings Alexey said that Anya should quit her job, because he earns well, and a woman should not strain. Anya liked such care, and she resigned without regret. At first, the girl enjoyed the arrangement of life and raising children.

When the children grew up, Anya got bored, realizing that she really wanted to realize her ambitions. She told her husband that she was thinking about returning to work. Alexei's indignation knew no bounds: “You offend me very much. Are you not happy with me and I am not fulfilling your needs? If you're bored, let's have another baby." Anya had to forget about her career plans under the threat of a break in relations.

A strong man surrounds a woman with care and attention. He does everything to ensure that she does not need anything. And, therefore, if the wife shows independence in obtaining money or makes career plans, he perceives this as a personal insult.

A strong man considers himself the head and breadwinner in the family, so he perceives your attempts at self-realization as disbelief in his masculine qualities. All this leads to the fact that the wife is gradually deprived not only of the opportunity to work, but also to study, communicate with friends and have fun without her husband.

This is exactly what happened to Lena. She lives in a luxurious house, from which she almost never leaves. The husband is very tired at work and therefore does not accept any secular life. However, he also forbids Lena to meet with friends and attend cultural events.

He believes that he gives his wife everything she wants, and considers her communication with her friends superfluous. When do they travel relaxation, her husband does not allow her to leave the hotel without him. Since sights and excursions do not interest him, the family sticks out on the beach all day without any opportunity to have fun.

In order not to quarrel with her husband, Lena leads a double life: she secretly meets with friends and carefully hides her studies at the correspondence department of the institute from her husband. She is constantly afraid that her husband will find out her secret.

Sometimes a strong man is not opposed to his wife working. But in this case, he tries in every possible way to belittle the value of her work. Masha faced a similar situation. Husband bought her a small business and now constantly chuckles at Masha's attempts to earn money. He believes that such work is a good toy for a bored woman, nothing more.

On the other hand, there is a special type of strong men - perfectionists. They try their best to make an ideal out of their wife. Such a husband forces his wife to study and work exactly where it is prestigious, only so that she meets his high standards, and he could brag about her among friends and business partners.

The woman is actually "behind a stone wall" that separates her from the outside world and her own desires. She feels infantile and dependent at best, and depressed and sick at worst. Such mental anguish can result in real illnesses.

The lack of self-expression and freedom turns into a protracted depression allergies, endless headaches, etc. It turns out that a woman pays with her freedom for the opportunity to be weak.

Paradoxical Desires

About responsibility

Relationship

Nastya liked that Oleg took full responsibility for solving all domestic and material problems. When the spouses started home repairs, Oleg did everything himself: from the choice of building materials to the purchase of curtains. Nastya also wanted to participate in the arrangement of the house, but her husband did not give her any chance. Everything should be just the way Oleg wants - he did not even entrust the choice of carpet and dishes to his wife.

Soon Nastya realized that Oleg decides EVERYTHING in their family: where to go on vacation, who to invite to visit, where the children should study and how to spend the weekend. Oleg constantly demanded from Nastya a report on what she was doing, and was angry if she did not pick up the phone on time. Nastya increasingly felt depressed and dependent, she only had to obey the will of her husband.

That's the other side of responsibility self-confidence and active life position. A strong man believes that only he knows how and what to do, he is sure that he is absolutely right, and in order for everything to work out as planned, the process must be controlled.

Often his hyper-responsibility turns into obsessive control, and even despotism. And the whole point is in his confidence that if he took up the matter, he will bring it to the end and no one will cope with it better than himself.

A woman in such a situation feels absolutely dependent on her husband, she is offended by the fact that her opinion and desires are not taken into account.

Strong character

Once Olya, seeing how her husband could not solve a serious problem for the second hour, tried to give him advice. In response, she heard an irritated monologue about the role of a woman in a man's life. “I myself know what to do and do not need anyone’s advice!” he finished his angry tirade.

Unfortunately, the flip side of a strong character can be a reluctance to listen to the opinions of other people. The ability to stand up for oneself and fighting qualities turn into conflict and irritability.

Any expression of one's own opinion can become a serious test for the wife and develop into a conflict. The same goes for children. The man is in charge of the house, period.

How to build relationships

Submission or struggle?

Relationship

Often women who live with strong men face just such a problem. What tactics to choose to save the relationship and yourself?

On the one hand, strong the male demands complete submission from a woman, providing her with protection, care and the opportunity to be weak in exchange for obedience. But the paradox is that by demanding submission and having achieved it, a man loses interest in such a woman, and sometimes even ceases to respect her.

If a woman begins to challenge his influence and resist, endless conflicts begin in the family, which turn two strong personalities into enemies, and in most cases lead to divorce.

Women also do not differ in consistency. On the one hand, they want to be weak and completely trust a man. On the other hand, they get tired of obeying and depending on a man all the time, they want to show their power and original nature.

At the same time, when a man allows them to, they complain that he is weak. It turns out that a strong man does not give us the opportunity for self-expression, and a weak man prevents us from relaxing and feeling like just women.

A paradoxical situation arises from which there is no clear way out. So, what to do if you live with a strong man and experience both the pros and cons of his active nature?

The most important thing in such cases is to learn how to protect your personal space and live life to the fullest, while maintaining a good relationship with your husband and all the advantages of a weak woman. So:

Forget about fighting for your rights and blind submission, both of these paths are not effective.

Learn to interest your husband in your desires, to make him understand why he needs it. For example, Tanya, whose husband was against her work, acted as follows.

She told him that she loved him very much and appreciated that he was protecting her from all sorts of worldly storms. And that it is thanks to his care that she can afford to do exactly what she likes.

She also assured her husband that her work would not interfere with the family, and the children would love and respect their mother even more for her successes, and he himself could be proud of her.

Protect your interests. Learn to explain what and why you do not like, and what you really want. Argument your point of view.

After the publication of the article “I am a strong woman”, I received a letter from one reader.

In the letter, she asked: “Everyone dreams of a strong man, but what is a strong man anyway?”

Today I propose to talk in great detail about strong men, as always truthfully. Take off the rose-colored glasses and forever get rid of the illusions about the "strong man", about his "shoulder", about the "stone wall". To be with such a man, you need to be a 100% woman, with not relative, but certain feminine qualities.

So that all these romantic fantasies later do not turn into an eternal struggle with a strong man for the right to take precedence, I propose to understand in detail:

Who is a strong man?
What qualities does he have?
And what is it like to live with a strong man?

A strong man is the leader and head of the family. If you want to be close to such a man, then the conversation about democracy in the family is closed. Not everyone can be held responsible. It is carried by one and in this case it is a strong man. He also determines in which direction the family moves. The myth that it is possible to make joint decisions was invented by strong women. If a woman says “we make decisions together”, then only she is in the family and makes decisions. Always one accepts and the other agrees. Everything else is empty talk.

He makes independent decisions and is responsible for them. This is what all women dream of - to remove the burden of responsibility that crushes and destroys the female psyche. We dream, but how to give up control, how to let a man make decisions?

A strong man is ready to discuss his decision with a woman only in order to win her over to his side. And a woman who wants to be with a strong man respects his right to make decisions and be responsible for them. Responsibility makes a man stronger, and responsibility destroys a woman. And now let's remember the song of a strong woman: - I am losing myself, I am losing my individuality, I am not a slave, etc. But in fact, a woman loses control, her strength and her armor. It's scary when there's war, but now it's peacetime.

He is ambitious and a career is an important part of a strong man's life.. In part, this is the meaning of his life. This means that he devotes a lot of time to work, career and success. Any man should take place in the profession that he chooses. Without this, it is difficult for him to feel like a man. A woman can only have respect for the work that her husband is busy with. We are talking about the jealousy and grief of a woman, that a man pays little attention to her and does not go to children.

"Better to have ten percent of a 100 percent man than one hundred percent of a ten percent man." H. Andelin.

- He is able to provide for his family, thinks like a breadwinner. He earns, and the woman has the opportunity not to work, but to take care of the house and family. She doesn't need anything. Yes, secretly every woman dreams about it. But how to "plant" yourself at home, to depend on it, what to do with your fear?

And when is she busy with her realization? Why is she a strong man? Yes, a woman can do something, but if she chooses a career and puts it in the first place, nothing will come of it. A woman can only make a career alone or with a weak man. If a woman is independent, makes career plans and is realized, this is very hurtful for a man. Do you know why? Because he does not understand why he is needed then? A strong man cares little about a woman's career, he is interested in femininity and female energy.

- He has clear principles and views on which he builds his life. He follows them and rarely violates them, even in the name of love and the preservation of relationships. Women often mistake for love the opportunity to give in to men. They are always checking how far a man can go in violation of his principles.

- The man conducts all the calculations with money in the family. The principle of "earn and give to me" was invented by strong women. A woman should not count money, worry about debit and credit, well, only if she does not want to become a financier in the family. A woman who counts money and is responsible for all the finances in the family loses her charm and femininity. “Women are not meant to worry about money. This burden leads to depression, women lose vivacity and charm, and sometimes bring themselves to mental and physical illness. H. Andelin.

— He is engaged in raising children, especially boys. His word for children is law. The boy learns masculinity, strength and will from his father, and the girl grows in respect for a man. It will not be difficult for such a woman to build relationships in a couple later.

- He knows what he wants in life, so he is firm, determined, self-confident. Rarely need advice. Because any advice makes a man weaker, especially women. Even if he makes a mistake, he will correct it.

And dependence on a man is not a prison or slavery. This is an understanding that the feminine nature is so arranged. And a woman needs protection, and women's happiness and well-being depend on a man.

Harmony is possible when two opposite energies, two opposite poles, are connected. And this harmony does not come from nowhere. Like, let it become stronger, and we will be happy. Does a strong man need a stubborn, domineering, strong-willed and demanding woman?

As long as you are such a woman, the hope for a strong partner will remain unrealizable. And remember that in an alliance with a strong man, a woman does not lose freedom, not individuality and not herself, she loses control and the ability to defend herself on her own.

And remember, any man is a potential leader and strong, he is so conceived by Nature. You just need to become weak and feminine.

Tatyana Dzutseva

Kiev journalists and hosts of the social project "Between Us" Natalia Kruchinina and Viktoria Mogilnaya talked for "Matron" with Xenia Parjiani, the owner of two hotels and a small farm in Svaneti, a historical mountainous region in the north-west of Georgia, about the sacred attitude to “litter in the hut”, the difference in mentalities and the silence of Georgian women.

Opening wide the windows in the hotel "Laleta", you can wake up to get lost in your own location on the map. The view of majestic snow-capped mountains and verdant meadows is easily confused with the Swiss Alps. However, we did not come to the Alps, but to Svaneti, in order to eagerly inhale its air, customs and mores. Somewhere in the courtyard, the voice of the hostess is heard - “Modyak!” in Georgian - and it brings us back to reality.

Ksenia is not at all like a local, but she exudes confidence and hospitality. She is from Novosibirsk, she married Gigla, and she remained in the mountains. Make a revolution, develop business and be a real Svan wife. Sometimes the sly eyes of the youngest daughter peek out from behind her skirt, while the eldest intercepts her little brother from her mother's arms. Hilarion is a typical Svan. Red-haired and blue-eyed. A bright representative of the ancient Georgian ethnic group. Judging by the fact that it is advisable not to appear in shorts and especially swimsuits on the territory of the hotel, Svaneti is still the most “conserved” part of Georgia.

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

Xenia, please tell me everything in order. How did you get here? Surely this was preceded by a love story?

The story took place in the heart of my hometown of Novosibirsk. We met quite by accident. Before that, I had never been to Georgia and, to be honest, I didn’t know much about it. But when it turned out that my future husband would be a Svan, I asked Google what kind of land this was.

Your family, friends were surprised by this choice of the groom?

Rather, they were surprised at the very fact of an interethnic marriage, but when they saw us together, no one had any doubts that everything was going right.

Yes, Novosibirsk is a bit far for a Svan…

Despite the complicated relations between the countries in the early 90s, Georgia and Russia are connected by a long history. Family and friendly ties between people were maintained both during the Union and after its collapse. So did my husband: he came to visit friends of his aunt, professors from the Novosibirsk Academgorodok, but in the end he stayed to live. He graduated from the Civil Engineering University and opened his own business. Then there was our marriage, the birth of a daughter. When I moved to Svaneti, my life changed dramatically. Much of what I was used to living in a big city was not here. I had to learn to live again, learn new skills. I was interested in developing myself and developing the space around me. It turned out that I learned from the locals, and they learned from me.

My husband and I founded a non-governmental organization that was engaged in the development of our community. In my spare time, I blog. Svaneti.livejournal.com appeared in 2009 and within a few months the blog had several thousand visitors per month. I started researching the Svan culture, its traditions, because I needed to find my place. She studied, asked - who lives how, what kind of relations in the family, between relatives, with children, with those who were born, with the dead. Learning individual facts and legends, I described them in a blog, and so in our village there was a need for a hotel.

Readers began to ask: “We want to come, is it possible to stay with you?” I replied that, unfortunately, I had nothing to offer them. Our environment was primitive. But they insisted: “We don’t need the situation, we are going to see you, talk to you and we will feel more comfortable if we stay with a Slav woman.” By the way, the first guests were from Ukraine, three girls…

Afraid of being stolen?

Probably... Then a Ukrainian came and wrote to me that he wanted to help build the church. Deep believer, Vitaly. Three years later he came to visit us with his wife. I was pleased that such people began to visit these places - open, interested. They came for the soul, not the soul.

Now they often tell me: everything is too good for you, you have two hotels, a travel agency. But I started from scratch, in a dilapidated house, where no one even dreamed of a hotel. The project was born ... by itself, in a natural way.

Some time after the first guests, we decided to take out a loan to make major repairs. We started with one room. And step by step, they completely renovated the whole house, where the rooms of our hotel are now located. Then another hostel was built.

Do you feel the envy of your fellow villagers regarding your own achievements?

Anything happened, but my mother-in-law is a model of diplomacy, she solves all issues calmly, without emotions. When my husband is overly worried, his mother-in-law advises him to be calmer, because any aggression, any conflict in the future can lead to unpredictable consequences. She taught me to interact even with those who could say an unkind word behind my back. I greet them, smile, always on good terms, if there is an opportunity to help, I will always help. Women in the village make amazing works with their hands, various national souvenirs, and I sell it in my hotel. Tourists are very interested in local souvenirs. The more women I involve in a common cause, the more people are cordially disposed towards me. This is how we support each other.

THE MOST IMPORTANT DISCOVERY IN MY LIFE

Let's get back to tradition. We were amazed in the morning watching the oxen pulling the plows across the field.

This is not a tribute to tradition, but a necessity, a way of life. For these people, the bull performs many different functions - it is both meat and labor. Peasants have no financial opportunity to hire a tractor, and subsistence farming is the only source of food for most mountain dwellers. And it’s actually better to plow with a bull, it doesn’t turn over the fertile soil layer like a tractor. The bull goes more, as they say now, more ecologically, and the land gives a greater harvest. So "backwardness" from progress sometimes justifies itself.

In Ukraine they say that office workers do not see life...

It is difficult to say what is better - to be subordinate to someone or to be subordinate to your business. In any case, it is more pleasant for us to live in freedom, on our own land, to raise children, to eat our own food.

What it's like to be a woman in Svaneti?

Historically, a Svan woman has always been in the same team with a man. Her physical weakness was offset by her extraordinary capacity for work. It allows you to keep thousands of things in your head - both raising children, and farming, and caring for cows, pigs, chickens, haymaking, harvesting, etc. If you have not prepared everything you need in the season, then your family will remain hungry. I have mastered this skill. But all the time you have to think six months ahead, so that everywhere everything is full and not depleted.

Everything that concerns the house, the economy is the territory of a woman. But those cases that require any external contacts, she practically does not touch.

I want to make a reservation right away that this is my feeling, as a person who came from another culture to a new space for me. It seems to me that the forced neighborhood of women is fraught with the absence of real trusting, friendly relations between women in Svaneti. I don't know whether modernity has made its own adjustments or whether this way of life was present in Georgia a thousand years ago.

According to my feelings, the concept of "female friendship" does not exist here. A woman does not have the opportunity to relax, and this is sometimes so important for us - “to cry in a vest”. A friend is the best psychotherapist, isn't she? Here, any "cry in the vest", talk about your problems can cost you your reputation, honor. Any word can be ambivalently interpreted by another woman.

Well, there are mothers-in-law who are on the side of the daughter-in-law, for example ...

Here parents are always on the side of the clan and its interests. The son is not always right, the daughter-in-law is not always right, the goal is different - who stands on the side of the clan for the sake of its strength, its strength? A smart mother-in-law always takes care of strengthening the clan.

They say here that tests are given according to one's strength. And I often hear from my mother-in-law that while we are young, we have a lot of strength, and we can do more than we think. In Svaneti, women work hard, especially when they are young. Maybe that's why they want to take their souls and gossip? ( laughing). And this is where the most important task lies - not to give a reason to speak badly about yourself and your family.

The impossibility to relax, to cry on the shoulder of the mother-in-law is compensated by the fact that her authority protects the whole family from some bad things?

Certainly. But I, like all women living here, can only allow many things with my mother. Relations between mother and daughter in Svaneti are very warm. Even after getting married and leaving for another village or another city, women often visit their father's house. It seems to me that they yearn for parental warmth, "relaxation", a confidential atmosphere.

Is mom coming?

Thank God it's coming. A week, two, three nearby - and this is happiness.

How do local women communicate with each other?

They are very fond of going to common village holidays. Then women sit separately from men and communicate only on women's topics. Someone will be surprised that women are sitting separately. But the reason is quite simple: it is more comfortable for both men and women. There is no oppression of women in Svaneti, they can both drink and talk at the table on an equal basis with men, another thing is that this is not the most correct equality, and no one abuses these opportunities.

Can you single out any one circumstance that was the hardest for you to bear? In addition to the lack of female friendship.

I had to grow up and grow up very quickly. It turned out that neither the presence of children and a husband, nor age, nor education, can make a woman emotionally mature, or, as they say, wise. The fact that I was far from the "artificial" sources of inspiration of modern civilization made me turn to my inner resources, and I found a lot of interesting and useful things there. But it wasn't easy for me. It was a difficult stage of accepting and taking full responsibility for all the steps taken in life - both right and wrong. I'm here because I wanted to and want to. The most important discovery in my life: family and home is not a prison.

Despite the remoteness from the “world”, I no longer feel inferior. And earlier it seemed to me that I would go crazy from monotony and limitation. True, now my family and I have a busy life. Not all visiting guests believe this. Many sympathize with our difficult life, some are taken to argue - why deprive your children of the future and live in the countryside? And what is it, the future? Now you can get any education remotely. The network has a lot of lectures from leading universities in the world. The only question is how to apply the acquired knowledge. My husband and I work so hard, among other things, to give children the basis for the opportunity to develop. And there let everyone choose a thing to their liking.

Does that mean you have to make excuses?

We travel far less than all of our guests. But hosting hundreds of tourists from all over the world in your home is not a trip?

"What is the strength in, brother?"

The correct Svan woman is the one who does not take dirty linen out of the hut. And the man?

In my opinion, a Svan man is a strong man. Strong not only physically, but also emotionally. Svan will first weigh each word, and then pronounce it. Apparently, historical memory is affecting. Here, in ancient times, people could be killed for a rude word.

Unfortunately, recently I began to notice that men are lost. Today it is important to own a computer, to be able to keep documentation. Residents of the regions, of course, are inferior in this to the city. The knowledge that was important in Svaneti some 40-50 years ago is now of little use. In this regard, women are more mobile and easier to train, because female labor is more in demand and better paid. Due to the fact that Svaneti has become a popular resort, the tourism sector is developing here, where personnel are constantly needed (cooks, administrators, cleaners, and this is a purely female job).

What, in your opinion, are the differences between the mentality of Slavic and Svan men?

Slavic men, it seems to me, rarely draw their male resource from the family. Work occupies the main part of their lives, they feel confident in communicating with friends. If you didn’t take place socially, didn’t “fly up”, then you’re not a man, as it were. Here, this desire to be “at the top”, to reach the top of the career ladder, to be honest, I have not met.

To become strong, to make your family strong, to raise your children to their feet, to have a good house, normal food, clothes - that's the main thing. It's not about physical strength. About the inner strength that helps a person to be first of all a person. The rest are ways to achieve prosperity for your family. Men are very attached to their home and family. And family comes first for them. This is their source of life energy.

In Svaneti, you will often hear that my great-grandfather was a blacksmith, my grandfather was a blacksmith, that's how much he did, he built those towers, and what am I? I have to restore the house they were building. Money is only a means for the prosperity of the family. My husband is already planning what he will pass on to his son. He says he will work with me at the sawmill, go to the forest for firewood. I laugh, I say: "Let's wait a bit, because my son is only 9 months old."

But male friendship is not forbidden in your country?

No friendship is allowed. The question is how people manifest themselves in these relationships. I notice that Svan men communicate more often on some business. All the villagers are either neighbors or relatives, they will always find something to discuss and how to help. I notice that my husband has mostly business relationships, which, of course, are not devoid of mutual respect, trust, and support.

About women's dignity and happiness

Even being in outwardly more comfortable conditions, many women, however, are unhappy in marriage. They no longer see the best in their husbands, which once allowed them to decide and make their choice, to say “yes!” at the altar. What prevents a modern woman from finding harmony in love, in your opinion?

My version is too much external noise. You are advised and taught from the TV screen, from the covers of fashion magazines, various Internet resources on psychology. Do you know how much this external noise affects the true, inner "I", forms the character of teenage girls? Often, exchanging for all this external husk, they forget - what are they real? Girls today absorb life values from social networks. In this regard, children in Svaneti are less informed and more free from modern imposed standards. They absorb age-old traditions by watching adults. There is a tremendous opportunity to see yourself in real light, without noise.

In my youth, I also had a conflict between external and internal. What kind of harmony can we talk about when you are painfully trying to please everyone, ceasing to be yourself? When I met my husband, I realized that I didn’t need to build anything out of myself with him, because everything is in me. He always reminds me of what is real in me, and emphasizes that he loves this. He hears only one type of my desires - what I really want. The only way to be around a strong man is to be yourself. Very hard. But incredibly correct and comfortable. For me.

Does he also speak to his daughters? Or is the upbringing of girls more in the power of the mother?

I don’t specifically teach girls anything, I just live next to them. I think a father should teach. He must teach to interact with men, with the outside world. I feel that this is more correct: he sees many nuances outside better, while I am more concentrated on the house and try not to forget about spiritual, emotional development.

Where can family people look for a resource for inspiration so as not to despair?

This is purely individual. I have learned to find it in myself. And in each situation I act differently. I call my mom, for example. Sometimes a letter from a friend, a glass of red wine, a trip to the city, shopping, a manicure can revive. When my husband sees that I need to unwind, he not only does not forbid me, but supports me in every possible way, stays with the children. Basically, I try to keep all these little joys inseparable from children. And we all go together.

What surprises you the most about Georgian women?

Probably humility. For us, Slavs, any humility is a synonym for humility, but by no means a source of life. And it seems to me that there is so much feminine dignity in humility! Thanks to him, a huge amount of internal resources opens up. Humility for a woman is following her nature, allowing herself to be weak.

Weak?

No, it's not that weakness. To follow your desires and needs, you need to take the right place next to a man, shifting responsibility for many decisions to him. In order to decide on this, the effort of a “not weak” woman is needed.

There is such a legend or parable. Two bulls went uphill together, in one harness, one bull was stronger, the other weaker, and the burden was very heavy, at the limit of their strength. What did the weaker bull do, do you think?

Did not interfere with the stronger?

No, he took on even more, because he understood that he was weaker, but did not want the strong one to overstrain. In the end, both pulled with equal force. Humility is about it. In this connection, you are weaker, but you can even more than a man, you can equally participate in the construction of a family ship. For example, emotional support. A woman knows how to stay awake for years until all her teeth come out. And an interrupted dream makes a man completely broken. There are many differences, but when two people love each other, they do one thing well. The result is mutual understanding. This is family happiness, in my opinion.

And when did it boil? Can you “let off steam”, quarrel? Probably not for everyone?

It is possible for everyone. It depends on what moment we are caught by this "boiled". Let's blow off steam and move on. The ordinary life of ordinary people.

And the last question - what are your plans for the future? What are you dreaming about?

My husband and I dream of going on a trip. Together. We missed being together so much, talking together, listening to each other, looking into each other's eyes, holding each other's hands - these are very simple things, but we missed them very much. We only regret that time is running inexorably, and we are already such adults. We dream of being somewhere where there is no one, where you can concentrate on yourself, even for a short period of time. This space is sorely lacking.

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Every woman dreams of a strong man. We want to forget about our anxieties, problems and just relax, leaning on a reliable and strong male shoulder. Consider the pros and cons of a relationship with a strong man. It is difficult to resist the perseverance of strong men - they conquer decisively and energetically. Such men are called "real". They will take responsibility for you and will be able to get out of any situation.

But is life always cloudless with a strong man whose hobby is muscle training and fortitude? Sometimes its pros turn out to be cons that you have to put up with. Strong men are determined and energetic, it is difficult to resist their perseverance. A strong man will take responsibility for you and your children, he will get out of any difficult situation, with him you can afford to be a weak woman and not worry about matters of material well-being. But is it really possible to consider lucky women who have become the legal wives of strong men? Is their life so cloudless?

Unfortunately, an alliance with a strong man can become a problem in life together. And sometimes such attractive pluses can become terrifying minuses that you have to put up with.

Support and support

A strong man will surround a woman with attention and care, arrange so that she does not need anything else. But if a woman wants to build a career or show independence in getting money, he may be offended. A strong man sees himself as the breadwinner and head of the family, and he will perceive your attempts at independence as disbelief in him. As a result, a woman will gradually lose the opportunity to work, and then to study, have fun without a husband and meet friends.

If a man agrees that his wife works, he will try to belittle the value of her work.
There are other perfectionist men who want their wife to be perfect. A perfectionist will force his wife to study and work in a prestigious place, and not where she would like.
The "stone wall" may be a wall separating you from the outside world. Due to the lack of freedom and self-expression, you will feel dependent, infantile and depressed.
Fight or submission
What tactics to choose in order not to lose yourself and save the relationship?

Submission or struggle?

Often, women who live with strong men face an acute problem. How to behave in order to save relationships and yourself?
Try to protect your personal space and live a happy full life, while maintaining peace in your relationship with your husband.
Forget about extremes - blind obedience and the struggle for your rights, these paths do not lead to success. Try to interest your husband in your desires, let him decide for himself that they are necessary. For example, praise your husband for protecting her from life's adversities, because thanks to his care, you can do what you like. Reassure your husband that your work will not interfere with the family.

Protect your interests. Learn to argue your point of view, explain what and why you don’t like and what you would like. If you don't like your husband's despotism, tell him about it. Express your feelings in a calm manner, without scandals and tears. Refer to logic and facts.
Keep a balance of weakness and strength in relationships. If you take responsibility and take the initiative, then do not forget to shift the responsibility to your husband where you think it is necessary.