Regulations 

Brother: native, elder, younger, stepbrother. What to do if the older child is jealous of the younger

I found a very detailed article on wikipedia.

Blood relationship in a straight line

In next generations

  1. Father(col. dad, daddy, papa, folder, dad, father; rude father) - a man in relation to his children.
  2. Mother(col. Mother, mother, mama, mother, nurse, Mommy, mommy; rude mother) - a woman in relation to her children.
  3. A son(col. son, little son, son, son, son) - a boy / man in relation to his parents.
  4. Daughter(col. daughter, daughter, daughter; obsolete daughter, daughter, daughter) - a girl / woman in relation to her parents.
  5. Parents is a general term for father and mother.
  6. Children is a general term for sons and daughters.
  7. Illegitimate children(illegitimate children, bastards, bastards) obsolete fatherless children, fatherlessness) - children whose parents were not married.
  8. Bastards(in Western Europe in the Middle Ages) - illegitimate children of an influential person (king, duke, etc.), now often used in a vulgar, insulting sense: bastards.
  9. chipped children- in Pomorie of the 19th - early 20th centuries, children born premaritally.
  10. Morganatic children- children born in a marriage between a member of the royal, royal, etc. family with a person of non-royal, non-royal origin. They are not eligible for succession. See morganatic marriage.

Through a generation

  • Grandfather (grandfather, grandpa, grandfather) - a man in relation to the children of a son or daughter, the father of the father or mother, the husband of the grandmother.
  • Grandmother (granny, woman) - a woman in relation to the children of a son or daughter, the mother of the father or mother, the wife of the grandfather.
  • Grandson (granddaughter) - a boy / man in relation to grandfather and grandmother, the son of a son or daughter, the son of a nephew or niece.
  • Granddaughter (granddaughter) - a girl / woman in relation to grandparents, daughter of a son or daughter, daughter of a nephew or niece.

In two generations

  • great-grandfather, great grandfather- a man in relation to the children of a grandson or granddaughter, the father of a grandfather or grandmother, the grandfather of a parent.
  • great-grandmother, great-grandmother- a woman in relation to the children of a grandson or granddaughter, the mother of a grandfather or grandmother, the grandmother of a parent.
  • great-grandson- boy / man in relation to great-grandfather and great-grandmother, son of a grandson or granddaughter, grandson of a child.
  • great granddaughter- a girl / woman in relation to great-grandfather and great-grandmother, daughter of a grandson or granddaughter, granddaughter of a child.

Through many generations

It should be noted that in Russian genealogy direct relationship is considered exclusively through the male line: "from father to son descending"; this norm is well illustrated by the now irrelevant status of belonging to the nobility, which, as you know, was not inherited through the mother, that is maternal ancestors and descendants are not directly related(she is the only and last direct descendant in her line). It is no coincidence that there is an expression: “the race has ceased”, which implies, first of all, the absence of sons. Another example of strictness in the understanding of direct kinship are the rules of succession to the throne.

Indirect blood relationship (on the mother's side, along the branches and lines of the father's clan)

In one generation

Native

full-blooded, consanguineous- brothers and sisters (in relation to each other), descending from the same father and mother.

  • Brother- boy / man in relation to another child (children) of his parents
    • Older brother- boy / man in relation to the younger child (children) of his parents.
    • Younger brother- boy / man in relation to the older child (children) of his parents.
    • married brother (obsolete) - a brother born before the marriage of his parents and recognized by them.
  • Sister- a girl / woman in relation to another child (children) descending from the same parents.
    • Elder sister- girl / woman in relation to the younger child (children) of her parents.
    • Younger sister- a girl / woman in relation to the older child (children) of her parents.
    • married sister (obsolete) - a sister born before the marriage of her parents and recognized by them.
  • Twins- children of one mother, developed during one pregnancy. There are identical (same sex and absolutely similar in appearance) and fraternal twins. Sometimes only identical (identical) brothers or sisters are called twins, in which case fraternal brothers and sisters are called twins, regardless of the number (two, three, etc.).
  • Siblings (siblings) - a general term for brothers and sisters (in relation to each other), descended from the same parents, but are not twins.
  • Incomplete having only one common parent. In turn, half-siblings are divided into:
    • consanguineous (homogeneous) - descended from the same father, but different mothers.
    • uniuterine (uniuterine) - descended from the same mother, but different fathers.

Consolidated

Step brothers and sisters- children whose parents are married to each other, but do not have common children; - the only and rather interesting case when their position in the genealogy, social and legal status, are classified as consanguinity. Direct family relations between the descendants of stepbrothers and sisters will be regarded as inherent(see below) until their parents have common children - their consanguineous and uniuterine brothers and sisters. All of them will become blood relatives through their descendants, since their descendants and the descendants of their common (half-blood and half-breed) brothers and sisters will be in consanguinity by definition - and with their parents, and with them, and among themselves, respectively.

cousins

cousins- children of brothers and sisters in relation to each other:

  • Cousin(or cousin, from fr. cousin), - a boy / man in relation to the child of an uncle and / or aunt, the son of an uncle and / or aunt.
    • Stryichich (stern) - (obsolete) paternal cousin, uncle's son.
    • Uychich (vujicic, wuy) - (obsolete) maternal cousin, aunt's son.
  • Cousin(or cousin, from fr. cousine), - a girl / woman in relation to the child of an uncle and / or aunt, the daughter of an uncle and / or aunt.
    • Stryechka - (obsolete) paternal cousin, uncle's daughter.

second cousins

second cousins- children of cousins ​​​​in relation to each other:

  • Second cousin- grandson of a brother and / or sister of a grandfather or grandmother; the son of a great-uncle or aunt; the great-nephew of a parent.
  • Second cousin- granddaughter of a brother or sister of a grandfather or grandmother; daughter of a great-uncle or aunt, great-niece of a parent.

Quaternary

Quaternary- children of second cousins ​​​​in relation to each other.

Siblings have common parents, cousins ​​have a common grandfather and grandmother, second cousins ​​have a common great-grandfather and great-grandmother, fourth cousins ​​have a common great-great-grandfather and great-great-grandmother, and so on.

In next generations

Parent's siblings (and their spouses):

  • Uncle (uncle) - a man in relation to the children of a brother or sister, the brother of the father or mother.
    • Stry (striae, system, strytsa) - (obsolete) paternal uncle (father's brother).
    • wow (wuy) - (obsolete) maternal uncle (mother's brother).
  • Aunt (aunt, unfold aunt) - a woman in relation to the children of a brother or sister, a sister of her father or mother.
    • Stryi (striae, strynya, slim) - (obsolete) paternal aunt (father's sister).
    • Vuyna - (obsolete) maternal aunt (mother's sister).

Children of a brother or sister:

  • Nephew (nephew, nety) - a boy / man in relation to an uncle or aunt, the son of a brother or sister.
    • Bratych (bro, brother, son) - (obsolete) brother's son, brother's nephew.
    • Bratanich - (obsolete) nephew, son of an older brother. The younger son brother.
    • Sister (sister, sisters, sister) - (obsolete) sister's son, sister's nephew.
  • Niece (niece, nestera) - a girl / woman in relation to an uncle or aunt, the daughter of a brother or sister.
    • Bro (bro, bro, son) - (obsolete) brother's daughter, brother's niece.
    • Sister (sisterly) - (obsolete) sister's daughter, sister's niece.

Parent's cousins:

  • great uncle (slender small) - boy / man in relation to the children of a cousin or sister = cousin of the father or mother.
  • great aunt- a woman in relation to the children of a cousin or sister = cousin of the father or mother.

Children of a cousin or sister:

  • Great nephew- a boy / man in relation to a cousin uncle or aunt, the son of a cousin or sister.
    • Dsherich- Aunt's nephew.
  • great niece- girl / woman in relation to a cousin uncle or aunt, daughter of a cousin or sister.
    • Dschersha- Aunt's niece.

Aunt Uncle)

Uncle Aunt)

Cousin
(Cousin)

Bro
(Cousin-in-law)

Great nephew
(Cousin niece)

Through a generation

Siblings of Grandma and Grandpa:

  • Great Uncle (great uncle) - a man in relation to the grandchildren of a brother or sister, brother of a grandfather or grandmother, uncle of a parent.
    • old great - (obsolete) older brother of a grandfather or grandmother, cousin grandfather.
    • Old fellow - (obsolete) younger brother of a grandfather or grandmother, cousin grandfather.
  • great aunt (great aunt) - a woman in relation to the grandchildren of a brother or sister, sister of a grandfather or grandmother, aunt of a parent.
  • Great-nephew- a boy / man in relation to the uncle or aunt of the parent, the grandson of a brother or sister, the son of a nephew (tsy), a cousin.
  • great niece- a girl / woman in relation to the uncle or aunt of the parent, the granddaughter of a brother or sister, the daughter of a nephew (tsy), a great-aunt granddaughter.

Grandmother

Great Uncle/Great Uncle
(Great aunt/Great aunt)

Father

great aunt
(cousin uncle)

great uncle
(cousin aunt)

Second cousin
(Second cousin)

Cousins ​​and sisters of grandparents:

  • second cousin grandfather- a man in relation to the grandchildren of a cousin or sister, cousin of a grandfather or grandmother, cousin of a parent.
  • second cousin- a woman in relation to the grandchildren of a cousin or sister, cousin of a grandfather or grandmother, cousin of a parent.
  • Great cousin-nephew- a boy / man in relation to the cousin uncle or aunt of the parent, grandson of a cousin or sister, son of a cousin (tsy), second cousin.
  • Grand-cousin-niece- a girl / woman in relation to a parent's cousin uncle or aunt, granddaughter of a cousin or sister, daughter of a cousin (s), second cousin granddaughter.

Relatives through a greater number of generations are called by adding the prefix "great-". For example: "great-great-grandfather", "great-granddaughter great-niece".

Property (Kinship through marriage)

Spouses

  • Spouses- persons who are married.
    • Husband (spouse) - a man in relation to a woman who is married to him.
    • Wife (spouse) - a woman in relation to a man who is married to her.

Spouses' parents

  • father-in-law- Husband's father.
  • mother in law- Husband's mother.
  • father-in-law- Wife's father.
  • mother-in-law- Wife's mother.
  • Matchmaker- the father of one of the spouses in relation to the parents of the other spouse, that is, the father of the son's wife or the father of the daughter's husband.
  • Svatya- the mother of one of the spouses in relation to the parents of the other spouse, that is, the mother of the son's wife or the mother of the daughter's husband.

Brothers and sisters of spouses

  • brother-in-law- Brother husband ( Eastern European dialects - schwager).
  • sister-in-law- husband's sister.
  • brother-in-law- brother-in-law ( Eastern European dialects - schwager).
    • Shuric (outdated)- brother-in-law's son.
  • sister-in-law (obsolete sister-in-law - wife's sister.

mother in law
husband's mother

father-in-law
husband's father

mother-in-law
wife's mother

father-in-law
wife's father

brother-in-law
Brother husband

sister-in-law
husband's sister

N
husband

M
wife

sister-in-law
wife's sister

brother-in-law
brother-in-law

Spouse of a close relative

  • son-in-law- husband of daughter, sister, niece. In other words, son-in-law- a man in relation to the wife's family: to her parents (father-in-law and mother-in-law), her sisters (sister-in-law), her brothers (brothers-in-law) and the wives of the latter (daughters-in-law).
    • Primak (priymak, vdomnik, vlazen, pleaded, wabia) - a son-in-law adopted into the wife's family by a father-in-law or mother-in-law in a house for one household.
  • daughter-in-law(Dal's etymology: son- son's wife - now considered erroneous) - son's wife in relation to his father (father-in-law).
  • daughter-in-law- wife of a son, brother, brother-in-law, brother-in-law. In other words daughter-in-law- a woman in relation to her husband's family: his mother (mother-in-law), brothers (brothers-in-law) and sisters (sisters-in-law), brothers' wives (yatras, in-laws) and sisters' husbands (sons-in-law).
    • Yatrovka (yatrovy, fraternal) - the wife of a brother, brother-in-law, brother-in-law. In other words yatrovka- a woman in relation to her husband's family: his brothers (brothers-in-law) and his sisters (sisters-in-law), brothers' wives (yatrovs) and sisters' husbands (sons-in-law). Yatrovki(daughter-in-law) - women whose husbands are brothers.
    • Sister- a woman in relation to the brother-in-law's wife (in-law). In other words, relations- women whose husbands are brothers.

Yatrovki = Relationships

  • brother-in-law- sister-in-law's husband = wife's sister's husband. In other words, brother-in-law- men whose wives are sisters. See also Svoyak (disambiguation).
  • Uika (wuika) - (outdated) the wife of the uya, that is, the wife of the maternal uncle, the wife of the mother's brother.
  • Bro- A cousin's wife.

unrelated relationship

In people's lives, close unrelated relationships are of great importance, which are also reflected in the terminology. It should be remembered about the external proximity of these terms to the terms of consanguinity and not confuse them.

Before marriage

  • Zaznoba- a girl / girl / woman who is the object of someone's love in relation to the one who is in love with her.
  • Fancy man- a boy / young man / man who is courting or in love with a female person in relation to her.
  • Groom- a man who intends to marry, in relation to his future wife (bride).
  • Bride- a woman who intends to get married, in relation to her future husband (groom).
  • Betrothed (outdated)- a man (often abstract, ideal), in relation to a woman with whom he will marry in the future, a future husband.
  • Betrothed (outdated)- a woman (often abstract, ideal), in relation to a man with whom she will marry in the future, a future wife.

wedding and marriage

  • planted parents- persons replacing the parents of the bride or groom at the wedding.
    • planted mother- a woman who replaces the mother of the bride or groom at the wedding.
    • planted father- a person who acts instead of the father of the groom or bride at the wedding.

Out of wedlock

  • Roommate (vulg. companion) - a man who lives together with his partner and is in a close relationship with her without official registration. (See actual marriage)
  • concubine(koncubina) - a woman who lives with her partner and is in a close relationship with him without official registration. (See actual marriage)
  • Lover (vulg. hahal) - a man who is in close relationship with his partner, not encouraged by the law or morality of this society, community, relatives.
  • Mistress- a woman who is in close relations with her partner, not encouraged by the law or morality of this society, community, relatives.

Relationships in the second (and subsequent) marriage

  • half brother, half sister Children who have the same father but different mothers.
  • half brother, uterine sister- children who have the same mother but different fathers.
    • Step-brother, stepsister- children from the first marriages of persons in relation to each other, that is, not relatives, not consanguineous and not uterine, but only “reduced” into one family.
  • Stepfather (obsolete votchim) - a man in relation to the child of his wife, born in another marriage, the husband of the mother, but not the father.
  • Stepmother- a woman in relation to the child of her husband, born in another marriage, the wife of the father, but not the mother.
  • Stepson- a male representative in relation to the partner of his parent in another marriage, the step-son of the husband or wife.
  • Stepdaughter- a female representative in relation to the partner of his parent in another marriage, the step-daughter of a husband or wife ...

Adoption/Adoption or Loss of Parents Relationships

  • adopted- an adopted child.
    • Stepdaughter(named daughter, adopted) - a female person in relation to foster parents.
    • Foster-son(named son, adopted) - a male person in relation to foster parents (adoptive parents).
  • foster mother(named mother) - a step-mother to an adopted child.
  • Foster father(named father) - the foster father's stepfather.
  • Guardian- a person who is entrusted with custody of someone.
  • Co-guardian- a person acting as a guardian jointly with another person, in relation to the guardian.
  • Ward- the person in respect of whom guardianship or guardianship is carried out, in relation to the guardian / guardians and trustees.
  • trustee- a person who is entrusted with the guardianship of someone.

spiritual relationship

  • Godfather (godfather) - a man in relation to the one whom he baptized.
    • Qom- the godfather in relation to the parents of the godson and to the godmother, also recipient. The father of the child in relation to the godfather and godmother.
  • Godmother (godmother) - a woman in relation to the one whom she baptized.
    • Kuma- godmother in relation to the parents of the godson and to the godfather, also recipient. The mother of the child in relation to the godfather and godmother.
  • Godson (godson) - a male person in relation to those who baptized him.
  • God daughter (goddaughter) - a female person in relation to those who baptized her.
  • Godfather- the father of the godfather or godmother.
  • godmother- the mother of the godfather or godmother.
  • Godbrother- the son of a godfather or godmother.
  • god sister- the daughter of the godfather or godmother.
  • Cross brothers(brothers in the cross, named brothers, sworn brothers) - men who exchanged pectoral crosses in relation to each other.
  • Cross Sisters (sisters on the cross, sisters named, sister cities, sisters) - women who exchanged pectoral crosses in relation to each other.

biological connections

  • Donor- a person who donates his blood, tissue, cells or organ for transplantation to other people.
  • Recipient- a person to whom any organ, tissue or cells of another organism are transplanted.
    • Simera- an organism with an accustomed transplant.
  • dairy mother(mother, nurse) - a woman who nursed someone else's child with her breast, in relation to this child.
    • dairy brother- a boy/man in relation to a person with whom they were breastfed by the same woman, but who is not a sister or brother by mother.
    • milk sister- a girl/woman in relation to a person with whom they were breastfed by the same woman, but who is not a sister or maternal brother.
  • Surrogate mother- a woman who gave birth to a child for other persons as a result of the implantation of an embryo, in relation to the child born to her.

individual status

  • Bachelor- unmarried man, unmarried man.
    • Bobyl- an old unmarried man (bachelor).
  • Virgo, girl- A woman who is not married. The term girl (obsolete) indicates the chastity of the girl.
    • Spinster, bean- a woman who has never been married, whose marriage is not expected due to age or personal characteristics.
  • Diluted- a man who divorced and did not remarry.
  • divorced A woman who has divorced and has not remarried.
  • Widower- a man who did not marry after the death of his wife.
    • Gander- a man who lives for a long time apart from his wife for a reason that depends on her.
  • Widow A woman who did not marry after the death of her husband.
    • straw widow- a woman who lives for a long time separately from her husband for a reason that depends on him.
  • Soldier A woman whose husband is in the army.
  • single mother- an unmarried woman or a widow with one or more children.
  • single father- an unmarried man or a widower with one or more children.
  • An orphan- a child or minor whose parent has died.
    • Round orphan- a child or minor whose both parents, i.e. father and mother, have died.
  • Foundling- a child of unknown parents, thrown to strangers.
  • Foundling- a child abandoned by unknown parents and found by strangers.
  • Changeling- a non-native child who, in secret from the parents, was replaced in infancy by their own child.

Other

  • Uncle, mother (mom), nanny (nanny)- a person (respectively, a man or a woman) appointed to care for and supervise the child.
  • Kunak (Turkish, cf. tat. qunaq) - among the Caucasian highlanders - a person associated with someone with an obligation of mutual hospitality, friendship and protection; friend, buddy.
  • mother heroine- the honorary title of mothers in the USSR who gave birth and raised 10 or more children.
  • Named Brother, Named Sister- a person who is not biologically related to this person, but who voluntarily agreed to brotherly (sisterly) relations. Usually such agreements are bilateral.
  • founding father- a man who laid the foundation for something, established or founded something.
  • Kindred- a native of the same land, associated with someone historically or culturally.
  • Countryman (vernacular- land, vulg. zema) - a native of the same locality with someone.
  • Like-minded- a person who has common views, beliefs, ideology with the subject.

Now many parents understand that after the birth of their second child, they need to help their first child adapt to a new, unusual role for him. Of course, some children persistently ask their parents for a brother or sister, rejoice and wait along with adults. It looks like there won't be any problems. But even in this case, you can not let events take their course. It is necessary to prepare the eldest child in advance for the birth of a second child in the family, and oneself - for possible difficulties in communicating with him after returning from the hospital.

When to inform an older child about the birth of a brother or sister?

The best time for such a conversation is some calm moment when the baby is in a good mood. It is desirable that the mother's belly is already quite noticeable. It is necessary to tell the older child that his brother or sister is there, and when the baby is born, you will all live together. The event should be presented as joyful with a smile and intonation.

It is advisable to make sure that the older child not only knows about the upcoming birth of the crumbs, but also clearly imagines what newborn babies look like. It is best to see a baby with your own eyes, to watch him, for example, visiting friends. It’s great if videos and photographs are preserved in the home archive, where the older child can see himself, but in infancy. Let him get used to the idea of ​​a future family member. From time to time, you can ask an older child where the little one is, let them touch the stomach when its inhabitant is pushing, tell how the baby is developing, show ultrasound pictures on which you can already see something. Some psychologists advise going to the store with the older child and buying together a gift for the crumbs - a rattle, clothes, or something else at the discretion of the older child.

You should not convince the child that he will soon have a wonderful friend who will play with him from morning to evening. It would seem that this is a banal thought. However, many parents focus too much on the older child's attention to how good it is to have a brother or sister. And the older child experiences acute disappointment when meeting the baby.

By the way, when, she must definitely tell the eldest child that she is going to the hospital, but she will certainly return to her son or daughter. Then the elder will be better prepared for the fact that the mother will not be there for some time, and it will be easier to endure the separation and stress associated with the appearance of the baby. In the absence of a mother, the firstborn needs a lot of love and companionship. You can give him an interesting gift on behalf of the newborn, who seemed to have asked him to pass it on. Such a pleasant surprise will create a positive attitude towards the baby in the older child.

The older child and his stolen childhood

Many mothers, returning from the hospital with a baby, are very surprised to see how big the oldest child is (even if in fact he is still 2 or 3 years old). It's not that mom has a bad memory, it's just that the contrast effect works. Comparing children, one involuntarily becomes convinced that the eldest child is no longer a baby at all. He can already do a lot himself and, it would seem, does not require so much attention and care. But this is a dangerous delusion. After arriving home, the mother should first of all go to the first-born, caress, talk with him a little. For a child, this is very important: he is very bored and needs the attention of the person closest to him.

And back to the topic of gifts. It is worth transparently hinting to friends and relatives who want to personally congratulate you on your newborn, that not only the baby, but also his brother or sister will need a gift. This will prevent . Unfortunately not for long. Therefore, the first time after the birth of the crumbs, the older child should be given as much attention as possible. And in no case should you explain to him that he must suddenly become more mature, more serious, must not make noise, has no right to cry, and so on. Even if the elder is no longer a baby (for example, a junior schoolboy or a teenager), he should still remain primarily a child for his parents. That is, his own childhood is not canceled due to the appearance of a younger family member, and he has the right to behave as it should at his age.

The oldest child is still a child

At the birth of a second child, drastic changes in the lifestyle of the first are highly undesirable. However, many parents make the same mistake. Immediately after the appearance of the crumbs, the elder is “evicted” from the crib or even from the room, sent to a kindergarten or, worse, to a permanent place of residence with his grandmother. Adults are guided by considerations of convenience, but do not think that these changes will cause strong feelings in the older child and will involuntarily be associated in his mind with the appearance of a brother or sister. Naturally, the older child will feel that his life has deteriorated because of the baby, and will feel dislike for him.

Therefore, psychologists advise introducing all “innovations” either in advance or after the birth of the baby, but not earlier than 2–3 months after it appears in the house. All upcoming changes should be discussed with the older child, not connecting them with the appearance of the little one. It is only about the feelings and deeds of your firstborn. His needs and desires should not be discounted. But in practice it is often different. All adults, relatives and strangers, consider it their duty to ask the older child about the newborn. For example: “Do you have a brother now? Does he cry often? And what is his name? Are you helping to take care of him?”, and so on ad infinitum. No one will take an interest in how the elder is doing, what he does, what he dreams of. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, coming to visit, literally rush to the crib, shower the baby with gifts and compliments. Adults sincerely believe that the older child is in the same delight, and do not realize that he may be offended. The task of parents is to prevent this discrimination. It is necessary to persistently draw the attention of relatives and friends to the oldest child, so that he does not feel like an attachment to his sister or brother. Some psychologists even recommend hanging a playful sign in the hallway in the early days “Please do not ask Vanya about your brother!”

Of course, it is not recommended after the birth of the baby to refuse the older child in the usual activities. Reading at night, Sunday trips to the park, bathing before bed - these and other things should not be canceled unless absolutely necessary. They make it possible to be with mom and dad, chat with them, feel loved and needed. Specialists in child psychology emphasize that the first 5-6 months older children need the attention and approval of their parents much more than infants. Indeed, the elders have a much wider range of interests, they are more active and, in the end, sleep much less.

Do not forget that the older child should have sovereign space in the house. It is best to have your own room, if this is not possible - a desk or some kind of nook, at least a personal box for toys and other items. And he is not obliged to always give in to the little one and share with him just because he is "already big." A brother or sister can take the things of the elder only with his permission.

Little tragedies of "big" children

Many older children, after the appearance of crumbs in the house, "fall into childhood." They stop asking for a potty, become whiny, ask to buy a pacifier or feed them from a bottle. Parents, of course, are afraid of such behavior. However, this is normal. The reason for the regression (that is, a return to an earlier age) lies in the desire of the child to again become the object of increased attention and care from the parents. He sees how they take care of the little one, anticipating his needs and moods. Of course, the older brother or sister also wants to become helpless and feel the maximum of parental participation. You should not worry, and even more so scold the child or laugh at him. It is best to play along - provide a pacifier, spoon-feed, rock in your arms. As a rule, older children quickly get bored with this game. They soon realize how good it is to be able to do a lot on their own and how much more interesting it is not to lie in a stroller all day, but to run and jump.

However, even the most caring adults are unlikely to completely prevent the emergence of childhood jealousy. It must be treated with understanding. This is an absolutely normal, natural feeling that a child has in response to new life circumstances. Previously, he was the only one, he was given a lot of attention. But suddenly a baby appeared, which is clearly preferred by all adults. Of course, resentment, grief and other painful feelings will burn in the soul. An older child can, without realizing it, "in revenge" become uncontrollable, demanding, capricious. Sometimes he shows great hostility towards the defenseless baby. All this causes a violent negative reaction from adults: the child is scolded, shamed and severely punished. Adults appeal to his conscience: "Don't you understand, it's hard for us, and you, instead of helping! .." But these measures do not help, but only aggravate the situation. As a rule, such behavior of the child is caused by the wrong behavior of the parents. Most likely, they too insistently demanded from the elder joy about the appearance of the baby or responsible behavior in connection with his birth. Perhaps the elder felt abandoned and unnecessary, and he seeks to return the attention of his parents in any way.

The more angry and indignant adults are, the more unhappy and embittered the child becomes. Therefore, it is useless to blame and punish. You need to pay special attention to him, do not forget to talk about your love and remember the importance of bodily contact: you need to hug and stroke the child as often as possible.

Senior and junior: from rivalry to friendship

The psychological health of children, their relationships and the atmosphere in the family are entirely dependent on their parents. Therefore, long before the birth of the second child, it is necessary to take the only correct attitude - no matter how many children there are in the family, they are absolutely equal to each other, regardless of their age, gender and individual characteristics. Harassing one child for the sake of another is unacceptable. This is the main principle of raising several children. Of course, in life it is not easy to observe it, but in any situation, every baby deserves the sympathy, love and care of parents.

The decision to have a second child was taken by the parents. Therefore, an older sister or brother is not required to become his nanny and sacrifice their interests for the sake of the baby. This does not mean that children should not help their parents and may not take care of their brother or sister. But you need to ask, not demand help and not abuse their services. In general, parents should teach their children to respect each other. So they will create a wonderful foundation for their future friendship.

How Not to Do

  • Before notifying the child about the upcoming replenishment in the family, ask: “Do you want a brother (or sister)?” Asking this question can get you into trouble. Suddenly the first-born will answer: “No” or something from the series “Let's better buy a dog, you and dad have promised for a long time!”
  • To justify, apologize and guiltily tell the elder the news about the imminent appearance of the baby. After all, this is your adult decision about having a second child.
  • After the introduction of the first-born, add phrases like: "Do not be afraid, we will still love you." This will only increase the anxiety of the child.
  • After the birth of the baby, make the elder a witness to conversations in which it is discussed that he has become worse or his behavior has deteriorated. No need to aggravate the situation.
  • Tell the child that they gave birth to a baby for him so that he can play with him, be friends, etc. All sorts of pleasant bonuses from communicating with a younger family member for a baby are in the distant future.

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The problem of relationships between children in the family is sometimes very acute.

According to the Bible, Cain and Abel, the first two brothers who appeared on Earth, "loved" each other so much that the elder killed the younger.

Thousands of years later, nothing has changed - the children of one father and one mother sometimes hate each other as mortal enemies. What is the reason for such rage and is it possible to reconcile relatives?

Innocent killers

Siblings or sibs (English siblings, sibs - brother or sister) - a genetic term for the offspring of the same parents. Biologists have a special term - siblicide, the murder of sisters and brothers. There are not so few "Cains" in the animal world. Little sharks eat breakfast with unborn brothers right in the womb - the strongest survive. In the world of birds, Galapagos gannets, black eagles, Siberian Cranes and some other birds suffer from siblicide, and the older chick kills the younger with almost a 100% guarantee. In animals, hyenas differ in this - the female gives birth to two cubs and the older sister tries to kill the younger one, barely born. To a lesser extent, siblicide is characteristic of domestic pigs, lynxes, fur seals. Primates, as a rule, treat their relatives with respect and love, this is especially pronounced in chimpanzees. But with people it's not so easy.

There was a cruel custom in the Ottoman Empire - every Turkish sultan who ascended the throne of Istanbul gave the order to execute all his brothers in order to avoid a war for the throne. In the English royal house, both brothers and sisters showed examples of “love” - John the Landless contributed to the death of Richard the Lionheart, Mary Tudor kept her half-sister, Princess Elizabeth, imprisoned, and planned to execute her. The blood feud between Princess Sophia and her younger brother Peter I has forever remained in the history of Russia.

Siblings do not necessarily love each other, blood relationship does not guarantee warm feelings - the only exception is twins. Competition has both biological and social causes.

Envy and jealousy

The simplest and most obvious reason for the antagonism between sisters and brothers is competition. In the cubs of the same litter, a strict hierarchy is very quickly established: the strongest first approaches the mother's nipples or a bowl of food, and the rest wait for their turn. In humans, everything is much more complicated - the smaller or weaker one is supported by parents, he can win at the expense of intelligence, obedience or achievement. The internal hierarchy changes depending on the divorce of the father and mother, the school success of the children, the appearance of new babies. Sometimes parents single out one child to the detriment of another, and in the most severe cases they oppress and humiliate the unloved. If the victim of injustice is older and stronger, at some point she will try to take revenge on the baby. If the "universal evil" turns out to be the youngest, his psyche will be seriously affected.

The conflict escalates in children of the same sex, in siblings with a small or medium difference in age (3-10 years), in steps, half-blooded and half-brothers and sisters. The weather (1-2 years difference) is usually close, with a difference of 10-12 years there are fewer reasons for jealousy. In families with many children (4 or more children), brothers and sisters are more often friends, but one “favorite” can cause common hatred. A special case is a seriously ill child, who robs healthy people of both material resources and the attention of their parents.

Preschoolers with childish spontaneity often offer to “give away” or “sell” a newborn brother or sister, they can take the baby out into the street, cover it with a blanket, hit it hard. Older ones sometimes tyrannize hated kids, beat them and humiliate them. And the younger ones, on the contrary, master psychological manipulations, incurring the wrath of their parents on their brothers and sisters.

brotherly love

Too close friendship of siblings is sometimes as dangerous as hatred. In the families of the Egyptian pharaohs and the Aztec emperors, marriages between brothers and sisters were accepted. According to the results of surveys of students in the United States, it was possible to establish that 5% of them received one or another sexual experience (from mutual study to sexual intercourse, including same-sex ones) in the arms of siblings. There are no such statistics in Russia, but the topic of incest is generally hushed up in our country.

There are four scenarios for the development of events. The safest are erotic games of teenage peers, peeping, provocative questions or platonic love for a kind and strong brother, or for a beautiful sister. An option that threatens life and health is the rape of younger sisters or brothers by an older brother, coercion to an intimate life. Threatening socialization - a mutual voluntary love affair of a brother and sister. There are precedents of long-term marital cohabitation of siblings and even the birth of children in such unions.

The most dangerous "incestual" age is 14-17 years old, the peak of the hormonal storm and hypersexuality in boys. Aggressive, hyperactive and intellectually impaired adolescents are at particular risk. Among the additional factors are alcoholism and the antisocial lifestyle of parents, domestic violence, cohabitation of teenagers of different sexes in the same room, and joint sleep. A certain role is played by the lack of parental love, attention, when children are left to their own devices and seek comfort and protection from each other.

Peace in the family

Relations between brothers and sisters largely depend on the educational policy pursued by parents. Is one of the children allowed more than the rest because he is a boy or a girl, older or younger, weak or successful. Whether one is punished more severely than the rest, whether they are deprived at the table, whether they buy more expensive things, whether they take his side in conflicts. Children acutely feel injustice and react painfully to it.

The correct hierarchical structure in the family is not an easy task. Each child should have his own place, his own rights and his share of parental attention. Emphasize the merits and characteristics of each son or daughter, praise achievements, if possible without comparing them with each other.

Children should be prepared in advance for the appearance of a new baby in the family - to tell that a younger brother or sister will be born, it will be possible to play with them, take care of them. No matter how difficult it is for dad and mom, it is very important to find time to do homework together and to read a fairy tale, take a walk or have a secret together with each of the older children. Schoolchildren should be protected from mischievous peanuts, who, out of curiosity, can decorate notebooks or ruin crafts.

Encourage any kind of joint activities, common games, home concerts and performances. Let the kids help the elders with cleaning and household chores, be sure to give gifts for birthdays and holidays. And older brothers and sisters are taught to ride a bike, solve problems or play chess.

Remember - children are not required to love each other and sacrifice their interests for the sake of brothers or sisters, but must learn the skills of living together, without conflicts and family wars. You should not force teenagers to work as "nannies" if this occupation is unpleasant for them.

It is better not to interfere in children's quarrels and disputes, as long as the matter does without injuries and damage to things. Little manipulators often use mom or dad as a weapon in a conflict. Do not encourage snitching, denunciations and provocations, teach children to negotiate among themselves and look for compromises that suit everyone. Categorically prohibit physical aggression, beatings and torment, if the episodes are repeated - contact a psychologist and, possibly, a psychiatrist.

Separate children of different sexes after 7-8 years, if possible, provide them with different rooms. Teach boys and girls not to walk around the house in their underwear, change clothes behind closed doors, wash and use the toilet alone. Be careful with teenagers in puberty, especially with conflict and aggressive young men. Do not leave them alone with younger children without adult supervision and supervision. If the relationship between a teenager and his brother or sister has changed dramatically for the worse, children are alienated and afraid of their brother - be sure to specify what happened. Examine the child for bruises, abrasions, or other signs of abuse.

In the most serious cases, after consultation with a psychologist, it may be necessary to separate the children for a while, sending the instigator of conflicts to relatives or to a closed educational institution.

The birth of the youngest is a life-changing event not only for the parents, but also for the older child.

A normal, psychologically healthy first child brought up in a loving family, after the appearance of a brother or sister, will inevitably be jealous of the parents for the baby. Jealousy will appear even if during the mother's pregnancy the child was sincerely and eagerly waiting for the replenishment of the family.

According to modern psychologists, the absence of jealousy in such a situation indicates either that the child harbors a grudge deep inside and does not show it to his parents, or that, in principle, not the best relations have been established between family members.

Why are children jealous of younger brothers and sisters?

Jealousy is most clearly manifested precisely at the birth of a second child, it is also called a symptom of "overthrow from the throne." The first-born gets used to the undivided possession of the attention and love of parents, toys and other things - and suddenly he has to share all this, to let another little man into his living space.

Children's jealousy manifests itself most clearly with a small age difference between children, since in this case they literally have something to share: toys, dishes, clothes, etc.

The hardest hit are older children who have not yet gone to school.

At kindergarten age, kids are most attached to their parents and home. In school years, children have new hobbies, close friends, the need to do homework. The appearance of a younger child in such a situation is easier to bear.

How does a child's jealousy towards a newborn manifest itself?

Boys and girls are jealous of their parents to younger brothers and sisters in different ways.

Girls still subconsciously strive to take care of babies, so they can be captivated by simple requests to help care for the child. Boys, on the other hand, do not always want to help their parents with the baby and, as a rule, show their jealousy more strongly.

A child's feelings can manifest themselves in different ways. Some children express them openly: they take away toys from the youngest, ask them to take him back to the hospital, act up when they are not given enough attention, do something “for evil”, or even beat the baby.

However, the fact that the older child is jealous of the younger may look less noticeable. You can recognize the problem by the following signs:

  • poor sleep, long falling asleep;
  • tic, stuttering and other nervous reactions (manifested in the most distressed children);
  • frequent whims and tantrums (especially if they were unusual for the child before);
  • developmental regression (for example, a kindergarten-age child may require bottle-feeding, diapers, etc.);
  • refusal to read fairy tales, funny street walks, watching cartoons and other favorite activities for the baby.

Preparing a child for the birth of a brother or sister

As already noted, children's jealousy is an absolutely normal phenomenon from a psychological point of view, and it will not be possible to completely avoid its manifestations.

However, the mixed feelings of a child for a brother or sister can be reduced, smoothed over, if the first-born child is properly prepared for the birth of the baby.

  1. When talking with a child about a future addition to the family, emphasize that mom and dad will love both children in exactly the same way: very, very much.
  2. Talk to your elder about the benefits of having a sister or brother. After all, he will have a real friend, on whom he can always rely, with whom it will be fun to play, thanks to which he will never feel lonely.
  3. Give your child the right idea of ​​what the newborn will be like. The kid must understand that at first a crying and incapacitated bag will be brought into the house, which needs attention and care, and only after a while this bag will turn into a talking, running and jumping miracle.
  4. You can also play on the child's sense of responsibility and his desire to be an adult. Let the older know that you trust him and are sure that he will be a great brother / sister.
  5. Make in advance all the changes that are expected to be made in the child's life in the near future. For example, “moving” to another crib or even moving into your own room, adapting to kindergarten, weaning, and the like.
  6. Involve your firstborn in the process of preparing for the birth of a brother or sister. Let him help you choose a stroller, rattles, clothes for the newborn.

These tips need to be varied depending on the personality of the baby: what will convince and reassure one child may not be applicable to other children.

How to reduce the jealousy of the child after the birth of the baby?

Children's jealousy for a newborn can be gradually reduced to nothing if you follow these recommendations:

Don't leave children alone. This is an elementary safety issue: even if the firstborn does not try to harm the baby out of jealousy, he can do it by accident. A child may pick up a newborn in his arms and accidentally drop him, he may try to feed him adult food, etc.

However, if you see something like this, do not rush to scold the elder: thank him for wanting to share the care of the baby, and explain why it is impossible to treat him in this way.

  1. Do not give your younger son or daughter the things of a brother / sister without his permission. Even if you want to give the baby a toy in which the elder has long lost interest. Otherwise, the child's sense of personal space, already deformed by the appearance of a baby, will be hurt even more, and jealousy will increase many times over.
  2. Give your firstborn enough attention. This may seem difficult with a baby in your arms, but still try to find time to play / work out with your first child. If you use diminutive nicknames, apply them to both children. If guests come to you with gifts, warn them that gifts should be brought either to no one, or to both the elder and the younger. In conversations, emphasize that both children are of great importance in your life.
  3. If the child is very jealous of the baby, explain to him that you are forced to devote more time to the baby solely because of his helplessness. You can show the jealous child his own childhood photos or even a family video so that he understands that in infancy he himself was such.
  4. You can entrust the first-born with simple duties of caring for the youngest, but in no case do not turn him into a “second mother” and do not say that now he should behave like an adult. The older child has exactly the same right to childhood, and he should not feel limited and infringed on his rights due to the appearance of a brother or sister.
  5. Do not allow yourself to overprotect the younger child and take his side in any situation. The older child also needs your support and protection, and you should not always blame him just because he is older and "should behave right." Emphasize that you are ready not only to prevent the older child from harming the younger, but also to protect the first from the inconvenience that the second may cause him.
  6. Never compare children to each other. This is one of the key tips on how to avoid developing excessive competition between toddlers. You should not set one as an example for the other: by doing this, you will teach children to compete for your attention and approval and will definitely not help reduce jealousy.
  7. Do not change joint habits. If before the birth of your youngest, for example, every Sunday you went to an amusement park with your first child, you need to continue to do this in the future. The psychological reasons for this recommendation are obvious: the child should not feel that the quality of his life has decreased with the advent of a newborn. For the same reason, you should not use the argument “we can’t buy you this because you have a younger brother / sister” if the firstborn is begging for something in the store.
  8. So that in the future the child is not jealous of you for the baby, in no case "push" him to grandparents. Sending the firstborn to stay with the older generation for a day or two is normal, especially if this happened before the addition to the family. But deliberately sending him to grandparents for a week or even a month, so that it would be easier to cope with the baby, is the most striking example of how to make relationships between family members difficult and poisoned by jealousy.
  9. Emphasize the closeness of children. Surprisingly, most of the youngest (unlike the first-born) do not repeat after their parents, but precisely after their older brothers / sisters. Tell the child that the baby loves him, smiles at him, tell how in a few years it will be the first-born who will be able to teach the silly child to ride a bike or play football. Let the child feel important and significant not only for you, but also for that very screaming little bag.

Sigmund Freud was the first of the psychiatrists to argue that the position of the child among sisters and brothers is not just an important, but practically a decisive factor in shaping his personality. We don't have to look far for examples: many of us have learned from our own experience the impact of the model learned in childhood. Older children in the family have, as a rule, some common characteristics: achievement orientation, leadership qualities. Other role positions also have their own distinctive features. For example, the younger brother of sisters will have different personality traits than the younger brother of brothers. Different positions in the family lead to gigantic differences in the personality of children of the same parents.

Consider the main personal and behavioral characteristics of brothers and sisters, depending on the order of birth.

older child

He is often characterized by responsibility, conscientiousness, striving for achievements, ambition. Such a child takes care of younger brothers and sisters more often than others, especially in case of illness or loss of parents. He may feel responsible for continuing family traditions, often becoming a leader. Older children, especially boys, more often than others inherit the professions of their father and grandfather, the family expects them to have a successful career to a greater extent. The older child is more serious, strives for perfection and plays less often with peers. A fairly common psychological problem of older children is the anxiety of not living up to the expectations of parents and other authority figures (bosses, teachers, coaches, etc.). It is very difficult for them to learn to relax and enjoy life. Of the famous people, the eldest children were Winston Churchill, Boris Yeltsin, Raisa Gorbacheva.

When raising an older child, it is important to remember that if he is forced to take care of the younger, then it is still not worth sacrificing his childhood. After all, he also wants to run and play with the guys, and he is tied to the stroller of his brother or sister.

As Garbuzov V.I. notes, older children always remain in the memory of childhood next to their mother or father. They educate, protect, protect. And if the economic situation of the family is not entirely prosperous, then older children are forced to sacrifice their own interests in order to help their parents feed the family. They may start working early and education for these children may be delayed. Older children also have problems in starting their own family, because until they are calm for the life of their younger ones, they cannot internally afford to "leave". Gained freedom, after the younger ones no longer need to be taken care of, and they acquire independence, is no longer so happy, because the usual way of life becomes disrupted, and the precious time for establishing relationships with the opposite sex has already been lost. The gratitude of the younger ones cannot compensate for the current situation.

Often in childhood, older people get less benefits and attention. And they bring up younger children better, because the first ones gained experience, and by the birth of the younger ones, parents already understand “what is how much”, what needs to be done, and what can be done without. It also happens that it is precisely at the birth of the youngest that the “paternal feeling” wakes up in the pope.

The elder is often told: "You must yield." But really, he doesn't owe anything. From such an unbearable burden of responsibility, the elder remains from childhood only a feeling of bitterness. And therefore, the younger ones often refuse more optimistically than the older one and are more successful, bypassing him in social and status growth. In this regard, it is important to remember that children's shoulders are still very fragile, and it is not worth dumping all maternal, parental burdens on them.

When a second child of the opposite sex appears in the family, the negative reaction of the first is not so dramatic; there is no direct competition, so the characteristics of the older child described here are much less pronounced.

When the second child is of the same sex, its effect on the first is very strong. It stimulates one of the common stereotypes of the behavior of an older child: he tries very hard to be good so that his parents continue to love him more than a newborn. Parents unconsciously reinforce this tendency by telling the elder that he (or she) is bigger and smarter than the newborn, and therefore better, despite the fact that now all the attention of the parents is absorbed by the baby. Parents also expect the elder to set a good example - to be a big Girl (or boy) - and help care for the baby. As a result, the elder usually acquires many parental qualities; he knows how to be an educator and is able to take on a responsibility. More than half of US presidents have been eldest sons; Of the 23 original American astronauts, 21 were seniors or the only ones in the family.

This sense of responsibility can be a heavy burden, and the older child develops into an anxious, perfectionist who does not dare to make a mistake or upset his parents or other authority figure. If the standards of achievement in a family are oriented toward success in criminal activity, the elder will strive for high performance in this area. The elder may become a priest or, like Hitler, a maniacal world leader.

The emphasis on high achievement makes the older child more sensitive, more serious, less playful than others. He usually works hard and is conscientious in everything he undertakes, although he does not accept criticism.

Another early and, in its own way, exceptional impact on the older child is that for his parents, caring for him, a newborn, is new and unusual. They are usually very excited about the arrival of their first child, looking forward to it and paying close attention to everything that happens to the baby; the first smile, the first word are noticed and recorded in a special "child's book". The development of children born later is already more familiar to parents, and each subsequent child (without defects) receives less attention, becomes habitual. But the first child is, first of all, an experiment, and parents do not even really understand what they are doing at this time.

Older children learn to identify with their parents and often end up as guardians of the status quo, teaching family traditions and morals to their younger siblings and then trying to spread them to the rest of the world. They may become so rigid that they are unwilling to accept any change or compromise.

Partly because of the habit of relying only on their own strength and going their own way, partly because they are not demonstrative and too serious, older children have more difficulty in making friends than other children. They usually have only one close friend. They are characterized by increased sensitivity to manifestations of personal disrespect and intolerance to other people's mistakes.

Gender and the number of younger siblings play a crucial role in the development of a child's personality. If they are of different sexes, the characteristics described will differ and vary. If all juniors are of the same sex, especially if there are two or more of them, these qualities are enhanced.

middle child

The middle child may have traits of both younger and older children, or a combination of the two. The average child, unless it is the only girl or the only boy in the family, has to struggle to be noticed and to get their role and place in the family. Such children do not have the authority of older children and the spontaneity of younger ones. Alfred Adler, by the way, himself being the second son, noted: "The second child in the family is under constant pressure from both sides - fighting to get ahead of his older brother, and fearing that his younger brother will catch up with him..." [Adler, 1970 ].

If there are many children in the family, then the character traits of middle children are determined by the group of children they were born in: among the younger or among the older, and what is the difference in age between them. Middle children have very developed social skills. They know how to negotiate and get along with different people, because they were forced to learn how to live in peace with their older and younger brothers and sisters, endowed with different characters.

The average child, whether the second of three or one of the middle in a large large family, is difficult to describe. He is at the same time the eldest for those born after him, and the youngest for those born before. Therefore, he often finds it difficult in self-determination and the formation of a distinct personality. The habit of being ahead does not leave an imprint on him, as on a child born first, but he cannot remain a baby, like a child born last. (One of the studies conducted on large families showed that the eldest and the youngest are always the favorites of the family.)

The average child never experienced the undivided possession of his parents and did not receive as much attention as the first. Although he finds himself in the calmer, relaxed atmosphere that comes with repeated births in the family, he is soon replaced by a newborn as well. The average child is forced to compete both with the older, more skilled, strong, and with the younger, helpless and more dependent. As a result, the average child may oscillate between trying to be like the older child and trying to re-enter the role of a foster baby, without having firm guidelines for identifying their individuality. Middle children in adulthood are less able to take initiative and think independently. In general, they have the lowest motivation to achieve, especially in their studies, and they are preferred to be sent to college last of all other family members.

The middle child, because he is deprived of the rights of the older child and the privileges of the younger, often feels the injustice of life. In their attempts to feel their own importance, middle children try to compete with others, and if the only way to establish themselves in a results-oriented family is to become a destroyer, they do it. They can become self-destructive, such as by drinking and eating too much, or they can become social disruptors by becoming members of gangs or juvenile delinquents (but rarely bigwigs). Often, they may simply form annoying, attention-grabbing habits.

Because middle children tend to be more responsible than younger ones, they have more problems than younger or older children, and are more introverted than both. They are deprived of the authority of the elders and the spontaneity of the younger ones. However, middle children are often good at dealing with different people because they have had to learn how to live in peace with their younger and older siblings of different personalities. As a result, they are usually friendly with everyone and actively seek friendly relationships. They are good at negotiating and often become diplomats, secretaries, hairdressers, waiters - occupations that require tact, but not too much aggressiveness. Since in life they crave attention and warmth, they can head into the realm of entertainment.

There is, of course, a wide range of middle positions, with variations in age, sex, and number of siblings—too many to discuss in isolation. In general, the average child will have most of the characteristics of the position they are closest to. In other words, the middle child who is closer in age to the oldest in the family, or is the second of four or more, will be more like the oldest child. If the middle child is at the lower end of the ordinal scale, his characteristics will approach the younger child. The average child, at the very center of this scale, is likely to share the characteristics of the youngest and the oldest equally, and will be the most undecided among all middle children.

The influence of sex and age of older and younger siblings described above is extremely important for the development of the personality of the average child. A boy who has a younger brother and older sister will have different characteristics than a boy who has a younger sister and older brother.

If all children are of the same sex, the average child is at a huge disadvantage. He (or she) will receive the least amount of attention and be overwhelmed by the need for competition. This middle child will probably be the most confused, since he (or she) has an almost equal mixture of younger and older characteristics, and will be the most anxious and self-critical.

If the average child grows up among older and younger children of only the opposite sex, he (or she), in spite of everything, may receive the most attention in the family. This can form the middle child who is so spoiled that for him the question of marriage does not even arise, since his home situation cannot be repeated. Such an average child will also have difficulty making friends with peers of the same sex.

The greater the variation in the sexes and ages of other children, the more difficult it is to come up with an appropriate description of the average child.

younger child

The youngest child in the family develops in a peculiar way. He, like an only child, was never traumatized by the appearance of a newborn. A lot of attention is given to him, as all the other members of the family feel some responsibility for him. And he can be ambitious, cunning and selfish, because he occupies an exceptional position, all the time balancing on the verge of a special attitude of his parents towards him and the need to maintain normal relationships with his brothers and sisters.

The younger child is carefree and ready to accept someone else's patronage and support. He is forgiven more than other children, and he just gets used to expecting only good things from life, so in the end he turns out to be a great optimist. For his family, he can forever remain a child. Yes, and parents are less demanding of his achievements. In this regard, they put less pressure on him. Therefore, as you can guess, he achieves less.

The main problems of the younger child are related to self-discipline and the difficulty of making decisions, since there was usually someone older and wise who made decisions for the baby. He continues to expect others (such as a spouse) to solve his problems for him. He can also go to the other extreme: reject all help. The younger child knows that force in close relationships will not achieve anything, and often develops manipulative ways to achieve what he wants, defiantly offended or trying to charm. If he was overprotected in the family, then, choosing the eldest child as a marriage partner, he may subsequently fight against the control and guardianship of his spouse. A younger child who was treated well as a child usually has no social difficulties and is popular with friends. Alfred Adler, author of the theory of inferiority complex, wrote: “The position of a younger brother is always fraught with the danger of being spoiled and remaining a family child ... He can become an artist, or, as a result of overcompensation, develop huge ambitions and fight to be the savior of all family" [Adler, 1970]. The younger child usually makes fewer demands on life and may be the last one to observe the traditions of the family, even if the elders abandon them. If he decides his own fate, he usually tends to artistic creativity.

He can turn out to be a rebel if he is too much cared for or led by him, and eventually comes to the defense of weak people in society. He is busy overthrowing social institutions and will be at enmity with the hierarchy, but without direct confrontation. He usually has an "adventurous" approach to life and easily takes on new things. He tries in one way or another all his life to catch up with his elders, but he does not succeed, unless he chooses a completely different field of activity and life style in which he can succeed due to their own inclinations. Despite his tendency to rebel against authority, the younger is more likely to be a follower than a leader, and can easily please a leader he likes. If he is in a position of leadership, his followers will love him and his authority will not be taken too seriously. Basically, the youngest child remains dependent on others, even if he rebels against the rules. He often chooses an older partner and subsequently fights against their control.

Traditionally, the land allotment and the castle went to the eldest son, and the younger ones went to seek their fortune in foreign lands. The biblical prodigal son was also the youngest in the family. The youngest children were Elizabeth Taylor and Bernard Shaw.

The presence of three or more children in a family sharply stimulates the processes of individualization of the development of each child. If the second child appears as desirable as the first, then the parents are equally worried about him or, on the contrary, calm about his future, then the mental warehouse of the child is likely to be similar regardless of differences in gender or age. If, during the upbringing of the first baby, the parents drastically changed their views on the nature of the educational process and changed their attitude towards children in general, then the second baby will differ sharply from the first.

The very specifics of the relationship between brothers and sisters will depend on whether parents compare children with each other. Whether parallels are drawn in relation to their mental and physical abilities. When reproaches arise that some child is not like that, a tough competitive struggle between children begins to show their individuality and earn the love of their parents.

In large families, the third and fourth children are forced to acquire communication experience early. They know how to stand up for themselves, easily adapt in children's groups. They are sociable, energetic, flexible in dealing with people. Middle children, communicating with the elder, tend to keep up with him and quickly grow up next to him. They know how to obey the elder without humiliation and lead the younger ones without arrogance. And so naturally a sense of hierarchy is formed when people know how, when and with whom to behave.

But now the children grow up, and already firmly stand on their feet. With a good and skillful upbringing, they are not afraid of anything. Together they come into life, supporting each other. And their parents are proud of them. Three children is in all cases not a life lived in vain for them, it is a guarantee that children will not be alone in trouble. The family will be preserved. After all, as folk wisdom says, “one son is not a son, two sons are half a son, three sons are a son.”

The feeling that there is a reliable shoulder nearby always helps to overcome any adversity. I myself remember how in childhood my mother often said to me and my brothers when we quarreled: “After all, you are relatives. And you behave worse than your enemies. One at a time, you are a branch from a broom, and then it will be very easy to break you, but when you are together, you are a force, try to break the broom, you will not succeed. In the same way, you should go through life side by side. Don't fight and quarrel. After all, you are the closest, most dear people in the world. Take care of each other". And, indeed, now that we have already grown up and my brothers have long been independent adults, in difficult times I know that they will always come to my aid, wherever they are. And do not find more true and reliable than them, a friend, adviser and assistant. Until now, at the meeting, a feeling of gratitude and “daughter” love for the elder is born, and a feeling of parental care for the younger brother. And I am infinitely grateful to my parents for giving me the opportunity to experience all these feelings.

The article is based on the following materials:

1. Ronald W. Richardson. The strength of family ties. - St. Petersburg, 1994

2. Garbuzov V. "Raising a child". - St. Petersburg: "Delta", M .: OOO "Publishing house AST", 1997

Anna Ershova,child psychologist