True love in adulthood is what it is. Love in adulthood: advantages and disadvantages. The attitude of free people

Unrequited love is an ordeal, a torment that is familiar to many.

Most after a while forget about her and even remember with an ironic smile. Some people suffer from unrequited love in an acute form for a long time, painfully and even break their lives.

Of course, it is better to get sick with her in youth, because as we grow up we change, and the object of sighing effortlessly falls off the pedestal on which we put it. Although, at this age, there is a looping and subsequent nonsense, there are enough examples from life.

However, it is much more difficult if unrequited love overtakes in adulthood, when a person appears on the horizon who seems to be the embodiment of the ideal.

As a rule, romantic natures are most often prone to fixation on unrequited love. Such women are attracted by love with obstacles, from obstacles their feelings become even stronger. They believe that this is a fairy tale with a happy ending.

Romantic women tend to idealize a loved one, to justify negative traits of his character. They are mistaken that they know the object of their passionate love well enough. In fact, most likely, they came up with it, painted a portrait of the ideal hero.

These are women who enjoy suffering from love in a soap opera script. Of course, there is nothing criminal in this, everyone is his own master. Unfortunately, they are wasting time, because every year there are fewer free men.

Another option is when a woman ends up with an ignoble man. He is very proud that women fall in love with him and in every possible way fuels their interest in himself. This increases his self-esteem, he has no other goals. As soon as a woman cools down slightly, he immediately pays her attention to which he is a master.

The woman lights up again - he is unapproachable again. Often married men behave this way, who in every possible way try to explain their behavior by saying that the duty to the family is a sacred matter, otherwise it would have been at your feet for a long time. In the eyes of a woman in love, this theory is perceived as another plus of a noble man. In fact, there are no pluses, no noble man there.

There is a category of women who simply do not know how to choose men and can step on the same rake several times in a row. It seems to them that a curse is imposed on them, since they passionately fall in love with men who do not love them. In such a situation, psychologists advise you to choose men who clearly sympathize with you, "abolish the white dance" in your destiny.

It happens that after long suffering because of unrequited love, a happy ending still comes, but then suddenly disappointment comes. It can be compared to a gift that has been waited too long. He is often not happy, because too much negativity was received during his waiting time.

In any case, lingering unrequited love is a waste of time. The time when a person can be happy, loved.

If a sad love story drags on, you need to do something, perhaps you need to change your worldview, philosophy of life. There are many ways to do this:

1. Seek help from a psychologist, they help a lot.

2. Master the literature on the topic "how to become happy and find a loved one."

3. You can just look around and look for a soul mate in your environment.

4. Start to lead an active life, do something all-consuming: sports, dancing, social activities, change jobs.

5. Make new friends even over the Internet.

6. Be creative: write poetry, articles, draw, etc.

7. Get a job where the male team is.

8. You can go to work abroad.

9. Set a goal and improve your education.

The main thing is to prevent the state when nothing else, except for your beloved, interests you. This is dangerous for the psyche. It is unhealthy.

Life is much more than love between a man and a woman. There is also love for children, work, creativity, travel, nature and life in all its manifestations. Life is very multifaceted. Is it worth it to devote all of it without a trace to unhappy love?

And also, it is likely that you took for the only completely stranger. This also happens. Love, unfortunately, is very often blind.

© Taisiya Fevronina. 2011

Within each person there is an invisible struggle between the desire for peace, which is very close to loneliness and the desire to have a family, which entails constant responsibilities and worries, and at such a moment we only dream of peace, especially women.
We never feel lonely as long as our children are with us.
When a woman is left alone with small children, she feels unprotected, the moment of the end of the first episode of the film "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" is immediately recalled - the main character single-handedly raised her daughter, studied, worked and cried at night in a pillow - such a familiar story for many women ...

Over time, children grow up and become practically independent personalities, a woman has a feeling of freedom and at the same time a feeling of loneliness: the main character of the film, going from a married lover, buys flowers for herself ...
In adulthood, women who remain single are already so. , and not because they do not want love again, there is no love for everyone and always, but there is no longer any certainty that it is possible to really meet their soul mate, but everything from the fact that the search circle narrows to ugly small sizes.
According to statistics, in Russia, at the so-called period of maturity, there are only 8 men for every 10 women.
And if we remove married people, alcoholics and non-social objects, then the numbers tell us that in any case, many women simply cannot find a partner, because he simply does not exist.

One way out is to look for a partner in a different age group.

You may be lucky, but as always and everywhere, about 80% out of 100 will be unsuccessful elections, since the difference between generations in the perception of oneself and the world around us exists and leads to a misunderstanding of each other.

The second way out is to look for a partner abroad.

In many countries, the ratio of men and women is radically opposite.
Especially in China and India. Due to the desire of parents to have their first child in the family at any cost - a boy (birth control in China by the state), in India (the difficulty of marrying a daughter if there is no dowry), lead to the fact that in these countries there is already a catastrophic lack of female half of humanity, and many men of these nations seek to move to other countries not only because of work, but also because of the lack of women.
In Italy, there is also disharmony, so many Italians are ready to date Russian women. And many find their happiness.
In such circumstances, the main thing on the part of a woman is the desire to learn the language of the country where the potential partner lives and to obtain the necessary knowledge of the mentality of the nation and to understand whether she can accept them both body and soul.
Since ignorance of both of these leads most often to disastrous consequences.

Of course, everyone is looking for partners over their age.

It is interesting that women perceive the difference in age in either direction more calmly than men. Men, on the other hand, if they are younger, can become complex because of this, for example, in front of their friends (though not all of them), or vice versa, be jealous of a woman "to every pillar" if the man is much older.
Women, calmly referring to the age difference, are more likely to find themselves "in a mess" about this. Many men strive with the help of their beautiful and kind nature to slip through their unsuccessful periods of life, not at all planning long-term relationships with them, but at the same time constantly repeating that they have only serious intentions ...

And again the question arises: is it possible to meet your soul mate in adulthood? There is no definite answer.
For those who love adventure and stress and thus feel that they live, it is imperative to make some effort in this direction, and something must work out, maybe good, maybe not very ...
Those who believe that only God (the Universe) is in control of their fate, you just need to make your wish and release it ... and you will succeed, but it will only work when you really need it.))

Are you interested in more articles about the relationship between a man and a woman such as:

Use the search on the site, see more articles, headings, sitemap, ask questions in the comments, tell your story!))

An elderly couple in love walks along the alley in an embrace. To some it seems touching to tears, to someone it is funny, but someone may be indignant at all: “We have completely lost shame in old age! Can't they be namilized at home? " And the couple don't care about onlookers - they only see each other.

Does it exist at all - ardent and passionate love in adulthood?

When love is just "window dressing" for relatives

Some couples live together for long decades just because it is convenient for others. The marriage is the old fashioned way: it seems like it's too late to get divorced, and it's a shame, because first you had to live for your children, then for your grandchildren.

But in life, both were not up to love - only patience saved. Somewhere out there, over the decades, perhaps, there were some ardent feelings, but then everything turned into a "bad habit":

The husband drank and spun, and the wife ran to the authorities of her unfaithful person, so that he was disciplined, punished with a ruble, scolded at the meeting.

The husband himself got tired of the eternal claims and hysteria of the "old saw", so he ran around the young and washed down the problems of the "little white".

Both lived as neighbors in a communal apartment. No common interests or mutual understanding. Even sex was rare.

But divorce was out of the question. For any reason, all the relatives gathered, hissed and shook their fists:

What are you up to! Imagine what a shame it is for all of us, a stain on our reputation, a stigma for life! How can children cope with this? Do not indulge in foolishness, live at least for the sake of children!

This is how the two poor fellows had to put on a mask of happiness during the day and lie to everyone about their love: children, neighbors, colleagues. And at night it was unbearable: the husband breathes fumes, and his wife "nags" with the boring tone of a mosquito.

So they lived to old age as strangers, forgetting about tenderness, passion and sex. Was there love? Well, there was once - the children were born. Is it there now? Hmm, what is love? We don't remember - senile sclerosis seems to be.

But since they made an oath to all their relatives to keep the brand, they keep it: children come to the wedding anniversary with their families, sit next to their parents and shout to them: "Bitter!" But all this looks like a poorly rehearsed performance. The children are leaving, everything is falling into place.

It is these unfortunate people who grumble in the wake of an elderly couple walking in an embrace: "We have already lost their shame in old age!" They do not understand what love is, and that it does not count the years. All these decades were useless, since there was no passion and family happiness. There was wealth, there was an appearance of a family, but there was no love.

When love is real despite years of marriage

Often it happens without showing off - just monogamous, just love for life with remnants of passion, even in old age. Yes, there was everything in life: quarrels, resentments, and even partings, but the spouses always understood that it was impossible for them to live without each other.

But nevertheless, it does not even occur to them to sleep separately. Full sex is replaced by mutual caresses, stroking, kisses. But if the old man is still cheerful as a man, then, of course, everything happens in bed, although not as often as it was in his youth.

New romance in adulthood

The younger generation sometimes has a strong conviction: if a lonely person has already reached maturity, then this means he has already lived for himself, that is, specifically - elderly. Let her now raise her grandchildren and not think about any love.

But what happens in the end: those for whom he lived eventually begin to be weighed down by his decrepitude and weakness. The younger generation does not understand the problems of old people, their complaints and illnesses. But if it were not for relatives who were ashamed of the desire to marry or get married in old age, everything would have been easier.

People in love live longer. In addition, love is generally capable of doing incredible things - helping each other in old age, both the man and the woman have new strength and good spirits, already because you have to live for your beloved!

There is nothing worse than chilling loneliness. Therefore, it is necessary not to suppress such novels, but to push them towards them. This is not shamelessness and disgrace, because more often than not, full-fledged sex is out of the question. And in general - who would get it into his head to crawl into bed with old people to find out what they are doing there.

Here is something else:

Sincere conversations. You have lived such a long life with your failures and joys that you want to endlessly tell your loved one about it. Precisely to the one who can understand the whole "confession" from the height of his life experience and wisdom.

Kinship of souls. It is in these intimate conversations that understanding comes: "This is the person I have been looking for all my life!" It just so happened that fate presented the "wrong": somewhere in stupid youth, somewhere stepping on a rake. And here is a surprise in old age.

Common interests and outlook on life. This is the reason when it is already difficult to live apart - you want to run a common household, be close, do a common interesting thing. And most importantly - loneliness is no longer afraid, because it simply does not exist.

This is the age when alcohol already seems strong, it is cold without a hat, it is uncomfortable on heels, sleep is light, and in general it is better at home than at a party. Therefore, you should never blame lovers in old age - passions with extreme are alien to them, they are just calm together.

By the way, so that you can fully understand what the old “newlyweds” want, watch a fragment of the old film “Such a guy lives”. There, the heroes talk about the future matchmaking of grandfather Kondrat and present a "picture of the future": his probable life with his elderly wife.

Here is the video:

Second youth from falling in love

In old age, you always really want to return to your former youth: to misbehave, flirt, play love. So advanced old people alone do not sit in the gardens and do not knit socks. They sit on dating sites, attend events, and go to hobby clubs to find their soul mate.

Just when falling in love comes, a second wind appears, eyes burn with happiness, and a blush appears on the cheeks. Therefore, there is no need to throw stones at a passing couple of elderly people in love who are embracing, it is better to throw in their direction a look full of admiration and emotion. They are happy!

It is impossible to theoretically describe the feeling, so they talk about it in poetry, novels. No matter how many psychologists have tried to study the power of love, they have not been able to do it to the end. People often talk about late love. What it is? Why does it appear and how strong are the feelings?

It is important to understand that late love does not have a specific age, it applies not only to people who are over 50 years old. A person can experience a strong feeling for the first time after 30 years, and before that he did not even know about it. Many laugh: "What kind of love can be already in adulthood, is it only for young people?" You are wrong, they say for a reason: "Love has no age"... On the contrary, people at a conscious age can love vividly and strongly, while visibly younger.

Empty nest syndrome

Often at the age of 40 or 50, a single woman or man experiences a new stage of life, when their student child leaves to study, and then marries and works. The period is very difficult, because you have to live anew. Until recently, the house was full of children's screams, fun, but the years passed, the child became an adult, left his native nest, and you stayed on your own. It was during this period that many women and men meet each other.

In adulthood, it is the strongest stress. Although, on the other hand, some do not decide on a new relationship, they think that there can no longer be love.

There are situations when, after the children grow up, the spouses become completely strangers. Why? This is easy to explain - there were no strong feelings, and the marriage was based on common interests - raising children. Here it is quite difficult, because both are tormented, they begin to quarrel, conflict, poison each other's life, but they do not get divorced, believing that they have lived too much together.

The attitude of free people

It is also hard for those who are used to being alone all their lives - divorced, widowed. It would seem that there is no need to solve any problems with divorce, why not have new ones? Everything is very complicated here! A person feels so unnecessary that he does not believe in feelings. Or he simply does not want to condemn himself to a relationship. There is a group of people who remain faithful to their former partner all their lives: "He will never be like this again!"

It is much easier for those who are not traumatized by marriage, do not idealize their past relationships, and are ready to start living anew. But a feeling of love does not always appear here, there may just be a “convenient and comfortable” union. Someone is afraid of loneliness, people with a hedonistic orientation just want someone to take care of them. Couples are often created. For example, a man with autophobia and a hedonistic woman.

There are, of course, exceptions, when people after 30 years fall in love with each other so much that they could not even imagine how they used to live. Here the feeling is not only emotional, as at 18, but real. Over the years, the baggage of wisdom is accumulated, a person acquires communication skills and will by all means maintain relations, and not destroy them.

Sex and the fear of death

The most difficult period in life is late maturity. When a person begins to think about his life, at the same time he analyzes everything that happened, sums up the results. Some, in order to get rid of unpleasant feelings, choose young partners for their classes. It happens that people with a difference in age fall in love with each other and love gives a chance for a new life. Therefore, late feelings are real gold, which gets rid of negative things, improves the quality of life and health. A person is getting younger not only physically, but spiritually.

Why is late love often the last love?

A mature person will make every effort not to lose his other half, which is truly dear to him. It is important to understand here that not only sex binds people, but common interests, feelings, business, hobbies. It's great when people start to relax together, travel, not think about problems, and if they arise, they calmly solve together.

People who know life, every day try to work on the feeling, treat it with care, take care and look after it like a flower.

We note that a woman at any age needs love, even if she is far from 20. The subconscious of the fair half has a feeling - to be desired, always loved. It often happens that a woman devotes her entire life to children, while in marriage she does not experience emotions. And then, when the children grow up, the woman has a chance for a new, beautiful, fabulous life.

Of course, controversial thoughts will arise:

• Live as you are, so that your changes do not hurt anyone.
• To plunge into the "sea of \u200b\u200blove", real feelings, to feel desired again, young, beautiful.

Late feelings are stronger, what is the reason?

Psychologists believe late love is deep. Two people are making efforts to avoid mistakes of previous relationships, to find mutual understanding. Especially interesting for two creative, talented people. They begin to discover something new in the character of each, rejoice at every moment, appreciate the moments that they spend together.

It is rather difficult to judge high feelings. Nobody knows what awaits him tomorrow. A person can live calmly, measuredly, but suddenly the one who radically changes everything rushes into life. At the same time, age does not matter here! On the contrary, the later everything happens, the more real, stronger and more deliberate it is. In youth, everyone falls in love, because hormones are raging, you want to "move mountains." And in adulthood, love is built on respect, trust, understanding, and other moral values.

Is late love a test of age or a real gift from fate? Everyone will remain unconvinced. She will be able to answer only when she really meets a person who will completely turn her whole life and give wonderful, unearthly feelings. If you are lucky, and bright feelings have arisen in your soul, do not lose them. Do your best to maintain love - a gift that, unfortunately, many people do not experience.