The child does not want to go to the nursery. Creating a calm environment. Alien among their own

03.07.2019

Every morning, getting up at the wake of the alarm, you go to the crib, look at your peacefully snoring son or daughter and think with anguish: “Well, now it will start again ...” The child does not want to go to kindergarten, you know about it and, nevertheless, less, you start to wake up and disturb the baby - after all, it’s time for you to go to work, and in general, as it should be, everyone walks. First, whining and whims, and then, if you do not take control of the situation, crying and screaming will not keep you waiting. You shouldn’t even think about breakfast, the mood of the whole family is spoiled, and you have to literally push a tear-filled baby into the kindergarten, clinging to your arms and legs.

Should it be? And why is this happening? How to behave? All these questions have reasonable answers and useful recommendations from a psychologist.

Reasons for refusing to attend kindergarten

It is necessary to distinguish between two situations when a child does not want to go to kindergarten:

at the first visits, when the baby is not yet accustomed to the new environment and is simply afraid;
after some time, when the child had already gone to the garden for some time, he got used to the teacher, made new friends and suddenly began to act up and invent excuses not to go anywhere.

In the first case, the answer to the question “why? » obviously fear. It is only generally accepted that young children cannot but be interested in everything new: they are interested, but as long as they are in their mother's arms. And as soon as the child is left alone with something unknown, it turns from interesting and entertaining into dangerous and hostile.

Someone else's aunt, who for some reason changes his clothes instead of his mother or grandmother, unfamiliar children who can pick up a toy or refuse to play their favorite game, a new bed, and indeed, everything new - the baby is at a loss. He does not understand why this is so, why this is so, and what is happening in general, does not want this. And since small children are still poorly oriented in time, they do not distinguish between what “I'll pick up in an hour” or “I'll pick up after lunch” means. It seems to him that he was abandoned here forever, and he spent an eternity without his mother.

Naturally, the next day the baby cries and flatly refuses to go to kindergarten - he does not want to relive the unpleasant sensations experienced yesterday.

How to solve a problem?

If the reason that the baby does not want to go to kindergarten and cries every morning is only in a change of scenery, you can try to alleviate the situation.

Do not immediately leave the child in the kindergarten for the whole day. Start at two o'clock in the morning - but in the morning, and not at lunchtime, so that he gets used to the new daily routine, gets used to getting up a little earlier and going to the garden. Gradually increase the time spent in the group, but do not delay this process. By the end of the first week, it is worth trying to leave the child in the kindergarten for an afternoon nap. If it didn’t work out, postpone the experiment for another week.
Another option is to ask the teacher to allow you to be with your son or daughter for some time in a group or for a walk. In some preschool institutions, the administration and teachers themselves insist on this.
Let the baby choose a toy or object that he most associates with the house, and take it with him. Usually this is also not prohibited by the rules of kindergartens.

Talk to a child psychologist - now offices are open at almost every institution. After all, children, although they cannot explain in words, very keenly feel the situation around and intuitively adjust to it. If the mother is more worried than the child himself, even hiding it well, he will also be restless and capricious. Therefore, first of all, parents themselves should pull themselves together and be positive.

In fact, children adapt very quickly to a new environment - provided that it is friendly and interesting for the baby. It only takes them 3-4 days to do this. So be patient a little, if you do everything right, the problem will soon go away by itself.

What should not be done?

The solution to the problem in each case will be found individually - after all, all preschool children are small personalities with their own character and beliefs. You can find an approach to one child with affection, to another - a serious conversation "on an equal footing", to the third - some kind of demonstrative, illustrative example. But there are things that are the same for everyone and that you definitely don’t need to do if you really want to solve the problem, and not just somehow survive it or smooth it out.

Do not scold or punish your son or daughter. They feel left out anyway. If you show your discontent and alienation, they will get even worse.
Don't give bribes. “If you don’t cry and behave yourself all day, in the evening I will buy you a chocolate egg (doll, car, take you to the zoo on the weekend)” is a bad tactic. Perhaps you will achieve that the child will stop going to kindergarten crying. But also accustom him to the fact that everything good and pleasant comes only through tantrums. Do you need it?
Don't go for it. No matter how your heart breaks at the sight of the red, tearful face of your beloved baby, no matter how hard it is to listen to prayers and sobs, be firm, whether he wants it or not. Otherwise, tomorrow you will have to start all over again, and so on, again and again, until the conflict is resolved - and no one but you can resolve it.
Do not let go to kindergarten every other day. This negates all your work, then it will be very difficult to convince the baby that it is necessary to attend kindergarten every day.
Completely ignore the whims of the child. Yes, often he is ready to come up with any excuse not to do what he does not want - and most often this is a disease. Complaints of colic in the abdomen, fever, cough may or may not be a simulation. An excited state, emotional stress, new impressions - all this can really provoke a fever, gastrointestinal disorders, allergies and other diseases in sensitive children.

Don't lie to your child. Do not promise that you will pick him up in half an hour if you know for sure that you will leave him for the whole day, even if he cries a lot. The baby will wait and be upset again, without waiting. And although over time he will get used to a full day in kindergarten, he will also get used to the fact that the words of his parents do not need to be trusted, they are just words.

How to prepare for kindergarten?

Preparation is needed, that's for sure. You took the time to choose the best in your opinion from dozens of institutions, go through a medical commission, take certificates at work and for work. Find a little more for the psychological preparation of your child in order to avoid conflicts and mutual insults in the near future.

Preparing for kindergarten is not only about buying new suits, panama hats, getting vaccinated and starting to learn the alphabet. The psychological moment is important. How to make the transition for the baby from the usual small home world, where everyone loved and took care of him, to the spacious world of strangers, where he still has to win his positions on his own, without mom and dad?

Start telling your child ahead of time what to expect. Do not focus on the fact that you will not be around - talk about how much new and interesting things he will learn and see how much fun he will play with children there.

Take a walk with your baby to the kindergarten so that he can see with his own eyes what it is, what his peers are doing there, how beautiful, cozy and fun everything is.

Try to get acquainted with the future teacher - usually they do not refuse this to parents. In this way, the child will get used to the new person in his life and will not be afraid when he stays with him for a while without you.

If your precious child before that, around the clock, seven days a week, was only next to you - not even with your grandmother! - correct the situation immediately. Even though you don’t really need to, say that you are going on business, and the baby should play with his dad, aunt, sister, and other relatives for some time. Gradually accustom him to the fact that he can quite comfortably exist without your constant guardianship.

Show cartoons, read poems and stories about children and kindergarten - let the baby become interested in seeing for himself what it is.

Very rarely, children perceive the kindergarten well from the first day, do without whims and crying. Almost all parents understand this, although they worry about their beloved child. But much more alarming is the behavior of a child who has been going to the garden for more than one month or even a year, and suddenly in the morning you cannot pull him out of bed. He pouts, is naughty, or gets angry and becomes aggressive, cries and screams. He explains his behavior as follows: he does not want to go to kindergarten. What to do in this case?

The second problem and its solution

We are all living beings, each of us can have both good and bad mood for one reason or another. Children are no exception. Let it be time for you to go to work and the baby only annoyed you with his inappropriate whims. Try to calm down, pull yourself together and talk to him calmly, finding out why he wants to stay at home - it will take no more than a quarter of an hour, but you will get a visible result, and not a scandal that can drag on for half a day.

Find out the reason. Perhaps the child is just tired. Noisy peers, pre-school classes, dancing and English - the baby could overwork. A short pause - and everything will fall into place. If possible, leave him at home for a day or two, taking a day off from work or inviting his grandmother to visit. You'll see, soon he himself will say that he wants to go to kindergarten.

But there are other points that can cause a child to refuse to go to kindergarten.

Conflict with peers. Toddlers are often secretive and do not tell adults about everything that has happened to them. Talk to the teacher - let him observe what is happening in the group. Maybe your child really became a victim of hurtful jokes and ridicule of a stronger or older one. Be sure to understand this situation, do not allow the child to feel like a victim and get used to this state, withdrawing into himself.

Conflict with a teacher Unfortunately, this also happens very often. Never dismiss if your kid complained to you that the teacher somehow called him, refused to help, or, moreover, hit or pushed. This can be a very wake-up call. It is not necessary that you are "lucky" to get on a mentally unhealthy person who deeply hates all children in his soul. It happens that for some reason the teacher feels dislike for your child. In this case, there is nothing left but to think about transferring to another group, or better, to another kindergarten, so that the unpleasant moment is erased from children's memory without a trace.

The reason may be much more banal - tasteless food, uncomfortable bed or place at the desk. All of this is fixable. You can give food with you by agreeing with the teacher so that he does not feed your daughter or son with semolina, to which he has intolerance since infancy. The bed is covered with a soft blanket brought from home. And the place behind the desk can be changed.

Do not regret one day, take time off from work and pay a visit to the kindergarten, trying to remain unnoticed by the child. You will discover a lot of interesting things for yourself, see with your own eyes when your baby is telling the truth and when he is fantasizing, and, most likely, you can easily find answers to the question why the child does not want to go to kindergarten.

Source: Lugovskaya A., Kravtsova M.M., Shevnina O.V. "Child no problem! Reshebnik for parents "- M .: Eksmo, 2008.

The best age for a child to enter kindergarten and successfully and quickly get used to it is from two to three years. The least favorable age for a child to enter kindergarten is four years and a period of five to six years. At this time, the development of the child is relatively stable, and a sharp change in lifestyle associated with the loss of constant communication with loved ones can lead to unpleasant consequences.

It must be borne in mind that at any age, immersion in the atmosphere of a kindergarten community can be perceived by some children as violence against a person, as a loss of individuality. Difficult experiences can lead to negative forms of behavior: tantrums, whims, constant whining on weekends, and sometimes to somatic disorders - fever, abdominal pain and loose stools, exacerbation of chronic diseases.

Because of the unwillingness to go to kindergarten, the child often resorts to manipulating his parents: he cries, acts up, demanding a return to his former home life. He seems to involve adults in a protracted "war", where the question "who wins?" is decided in favor of the parents, then in favor of the baby. The actions of the child are built approximately according to this scheme: first, requests and stories about how bad everything is in the kindergarten are used, if this does not help, tears and tantrums begin, but they do not work, there remains one more remedy that the body subconsciously chooses - illness .

How to facilitate the process of getting used to kindergarten? How to make sure that the child is happy to go to kindergarten?

To begin with, we will try to find out the possible reasons for the negative attitude of the child to kindergarten.

And so, there can be many reasons why a child does not want to go to kindergarten. Let's take a look at the most typical ones.

The most significant reason is the natural reluctance of the child to break away from the home environment and the familiar environment. The kid, unable to think in a time perspective, perceives every separation from his mother and relatives as an irreversible loss. This will last until he learns the new order of meetings and partings for him, gets used to the guys and educators. And in this case, parents and educators need to be patient.

Another reason for the child's reluctance to attend kindergarten is the painfully passing change of regime and environment. Both classes and the daily routine in kindergarten are designed for the average age norm, they sometimes do not take into account the individual characteristics of children. In this regard, many parents are faced with the problem of heavy morning rises or complaints of the child about the torment for him of some moments of the regime, for example, a quiet hour.

Another reason why a child does not want to go to kindergarten is food that is unusual for him.

In kindergarten, three - four meals a day, which ensures the normal functioning and performance of the child's body. however, often parents complain that children do not eat well in kindergarten. this is especially true for dishes such as soups and cereals. If in the home menu we can do without them for quite a long time, then the diet of children's food in kindergarten involves their daily use. Not all children are used to and love to eat these dishes. Individual selectivity also plays an important role here. Someone does not like semolina, buckwheat porridge; someone does not like fish or pea soup, but again there is no choice. If at home we can easily replace one dish with another, then it is much more difficult to do it in the kindergarten. Here there are approved nutritional standards, the purchase of products and their distribution into groups are organized in an organized manner, but replacement (for example, instead of the first course - two second courses) is not provided.

One of the most important and common reasons why a child may refuse to attend kindergarten is an unloved teacher.

Toddlers of two or three years old usually obey quite easily, but among older children there is sure to be a freedom-loving person who will not put up with such restrictions. Such children may arrange escapes from kindergarten, which further complicates their relationship with caregivers.

Often the cause of reluctance to go to kindergarten is traumatic circumstances. A kid in kindergarten could be offended by other children, called names, give him a nickname. After such incidents, he no longer wants to communicate with the children who offended him, and sometimes even withdraws into himself.

It happens that, while playing in kindergarten, he inadvertently pushed a friend, hit him in the face with snow or sand. The sight of blood or tears of a peer could make a strong impression on the psyche of the baby. As a result - the rejection of games, walks, in general, from kindergarten.

The reluctance to go to kindergarten can also stem from the child's frequent illnesses.

Frequently ill children who rarely go to kindergarten have few friends, which cannot but worry their parents and caregivers, and the kids themselves suffer from this.

Children's propensity for frequent illness creates an atmosphere of disunity around them. Children over four years old who attend the same group organize joint games that can last for several days. Each child receives a role in them, acquires a certain social status. If a child often stays at home due to illness, he is excluded from group games. In addition, the strength of friendships between preschoolers is largely determined by the duration of their communication, so often ill children have few or no friends. As a result, they lose their desire to go to kindergarten, because there they become bored and uninterested; they feel lonely.

Thus, there are many reasons why children do not want to go to kindergarten. The task of parents is to help them overcome all the problems discussed above, to do everything possible so that the kids attend kindergarten with pleasure.

Every child goes through an adaptation period before kindergarten. Everyone expresses it differently, but the main message is "mom, don't leave me here." What to do with the reluctance of the child to go to kindergarten? How to shorten the adaptation period? We talked with a child psychologist, mothers-colleagues to learn life hacks that will help accustom a child to kindergarten.

At what age should you start gardening?

Child psychologist Ekaterina Ilyicheva advises sending a child to kindergarten at the age of 2.5 or after 3.5. The fact is that the child is going through a crisis of three years, and it happens, as a rule, in the interval from 2.5 to 3.5 years. The crisis is accompanied by tantrums, stubbornness, a sharp change in mood. Getting used to kindergarten is already a big stress for a child, so it is undesirable to combine these two difficult periods.

Educators advise taking the child to a short day group, for three to four hours, because subsequently the child gets used to being in the garden all day much easier and faster.

Game room

I'll start with a personal story. My daughter Elina joined the short day group at 2.3 years old (haven't switched to full day yet). I won’t say that there were big problems, tantrums, but as soon as we missed a few days, the tears returned. And every day she repeated the same phrase: “I don’t want to go to kindergarten.”

At the same time, I noticed that my daughter was very eager to spend time in the playrooms, not paying attention to whether her mother was nearby. Once, after another break in going to the garden, I told her something like this: “The garden is the playroom, there are a lot of toys, let's go there tomorrow to play.” I admit, I myself did not expect this, but my daughter liked the idea! Now she forbids calling the kindergarten a kindergarten 😉 Only a playroom!

Kindergartens often organize open days. Be sure to check the room in which your child will be.

Some parents tell their children that kindergarten is work, so the child should go there. Why this is not quite the right approach is explained by child psychologist Ekaterina Ilyicheva.

Watch what you say about work: usually parents speak of it in a negative way. Of course the child hears it. For him, work seems to be a place where you don’t want to go, where it’s hard, where you come from completely exhausted. And imagine how he must feel when he is told that now he has to go to work! I would rather tell the child the truth: there are a lot of toys and children, some babies will cry, and some will have fun, you will have to share toys, but there are many of them and they are all interesting!

Life hacks from a psychologist

Here are some tips from Ekaterina on how to psychologically facilitate the adaptation period for the child.

Give a piece of mom. This is some item from the mother so that the child is not so sad: for example, a handkerchief smelling of her perfume, or another thing that is safe for babies.
Introduce rituals of meetings and farewells. It can be a general gesture or a magic phrase, a special handshake or a hug. The main thing is to agree with the child that from now on you will meet and say goodbye like this. These things help kids to switch.
Leave a toy in the garden overnight. And in the morning to say: a bunny is waiting for us in the kindergarten, he is probably sad without us, let's go pick him up.

Colleague Natalya Bondar told what advice the psychologist gave in kindergarten when she first brought her daughter Elizabeth (3 years old).

The psychologist said: it is imperative to present a visit to the garden as an excellent event in the life of a baby, to tell how interesting it is there. You can also "live" the situation in a playful way: let's play how mom and baby go to kindergarten (let the child be in the role of a parent in this situation), how mom and dad go to work, and the child plays, reads, walks, has fun, and then mom and dad come for him. We were also advised to take our favorite toy with us. If possible, at first it is advisable to give the child a day off on Wednesday, so it will be easier to get used to.

The teachers also asked us what the kid’s favorite pastime was, and in order to captivate, they drew, danced, sculpted, built with the children - whoever liked what.

From gifts to photography

MIF content manager Ekaterina Zenina has a daughter Christina (3 years old). They were getting ready for kindergarten.

Advice to all parents: come for a walk with your child to the kindergarten that you are going to visit, tell about him that there are toys and educators, show how the children walk there. The child must be prepared for going to kindergarten. You can’t come on the first day, give the child away and then hope that he will love the kindergarten and will be happy to go there every day. If possible, meet future educators. Mentally prepare the child for the fact that soon he will be without a mother in the kindergarten, that his mother will work at this time and will definitely return for him.

On the first day, it is best to take the baby for a walk with the group. If this is not possible, then leave it for no more than 2 hours. On the second day, if everything went well, you can leave for 3-4 hours and gradually increase the time spent in kindergarten.

Ekaterina said that the “gifting” method also helped her, although it is ambiguous. After the kindergarten, she and her daughter went to the store and did not buy something there, but “won” a jumping ball in the machine for 10 rubles. Of course, the mother was worried about whether this would develop into a habit, so she explained to the child that this would not always be the case. "We will soon win all the jumpers and there will be nothing left for the other kids, let's leave the balls to others." In their case, they managed not to turn it into an addiction and soon gave up “gifting”.

Here is such a mountain of jumpers that Katya and her daughter have accumulated.

Ekaterina shares other life hacks.

Act in the best interests of the child. For example, a child loves Santa Claus. Tell them that there will be a matinee in the kindergarten, at which Santa Claus will give gifts.
Give me the key to the house. And say something like this: “I give you the key to the house and go to work, I won’t get home without the key. I'll pick you up from work and we'll go home together." So the child will understand that you will definitely come back for him!
Put a photo of your mother in the pocket of your dress or shirt. so that the child is not so bored.

Ekaterina with her daughter Christina. Photo from personal archive

Books play a significant role in preparing for going to kindergarten. Catherine used the following literature: Cornelia Spielman “When I'm bored”, “I'm going to kindergarten” from the series “Reading to children”, Karina Hovsepyan “I'm going to kindergarten. Problems of adaptation ", as well as" Mouse in kindergarten ". The latest book will not only prepare the child for change, but also expand the vocabulary. Books on general psychology will also help - "The Emotional Intelligence of a Child", "An Optimistic Child", "Your Child Can Do Anything".

The role of the educator

Our reader responded to the article, and we decided to include her opinion in this material 😉

“I believe that 90% of success in a child’s desire to attend kindergarten is the Personality of the Educator! Yes! Both words are capitalized, since the Educator, as well as the Doctor and the Teacher, are people from God! These are “superhumans” who are able to remain calm throughout the working day, they find a way out of any conflict or psychologically difficult situation, they see a personality and many other qualities in a child. And you can’t exactly predict which teacher your child will go to.”

After a summer vacation spent with parents and grandparents, it is difficult for a child to get used to kindergarten and a new daily routine. It will be the hardest for the kids who will part with their parents for the first time and go to preschool for the first time. Previously, they spent all the time at home surrounded by loved ones, and now they will plunge into a new atmosphere where they will be surrounded by strangers. In order for the adaptation to be painless for the baby and parents, moms and dads must properly prepare their child in kindergarten. Adults should avoid several common mistakes, which are detailed in this article.

Mistake #1 - Disappearing Parents

The kindergarten has all the conditions for the baby to be comfortable, fun and interesting. Here he is surrounded by bright colors, different toys, caring teachers and other children of the same age. Most kids are immediately addicted to the game and forget about the parents with whom they came. Adults are just happy about it. They see that the baby is doing well, so they slowly leave, leaving their child to the caregivers.

The child carelessly plays and frolics, knowing that his mother is nearby, who will always protect him. If she quietly leaves, the baby, having discovered her absence, will get worried. Imagine the reaction of a child when, remembering his mother, he suddenly starts looking for her and does not find her: alone, in an unfamiliar place, there are strangers around - this is a shock for the child. After all, losing a mother is one of the main fears of children.

The sudden "disappearance" of mom or dad often leads to the fact that the baby is even more attached to them, both on the physical and psychological levels. After the stress experienced, the child becomes afraid to let his parents go even for one minute. As a result, the need to go to kindergarten turns into a test for the whole family. The kid is just afraid to stay there. The child will not be able to be there alone - he will cry, be afraid, constantly ask to go home.

Avoiding problems with going to kindergarten is not difficult - you just need to say goodbye to your baby correctly every morning. Children subtly feel the mood of their parents. If his close people are calm, the baby will also be easier. According to psychologists, at first it is better for a grandmother, older sister or brother to take the baby to kindergarten. In other words, it should be the person to whom the baby is less attached. In this case, the child will know that the mother is staying at home, waiting for him, so he can return to her.

Parents must convince the baby that he does not stay in kindergarten forever, that he will definitely be taken away from there and taken home. Saying goodbye, tell the child that you will come for him when the hands of the clock show a certain time. Be punctual and don't make your baby wait. If he stays in the kindergarten longer than the rest of the children, watching how everyone is taken home, this situation will again turn out to be very stressful for the child. Therefore, come on time and do not force the baby to think that you have abandoned him.

Mistake #2 - "Long stay"

A common misconception of many parents is the belief that it will be easier for the baby to get used to kindergarten if he immediately stays there for a long time. Such treatment of a child is tantamount to throwing a person who cannot swim into the water. Most psychologists say: the baby should get used to kindergarten gradually.

First, just bring your child to the kindergarten to the playground where other children play. Let him get acquainted with the new environment, caregivers, see other kids, understand how fun they are having. If everything went well, try leaving the baby in the group for a couple of hours. Gradually, every day, increase the time your child spends in kindergarten. So adaptation to new conditions will be soft and smooth. At some point, the child will get used to kindergarten so much that he can be there all day without problems.

Mistake No. 3 - Violation of the daily routine

When the baby starts going to kindergarten, it is important to carefully control the regimen of his day. Now the child will have to get up early in the morning, which means that he must go to bed on time to get enough sleep (before, the baby could go to bed at different times). Now this will be impossible, and therefore it is extremely important to “transfer” the child to that daily routine in advance, which he will have when the baby goes to the garden. At first, many parents do not think about it, they continue to stay up late with the child at a party, play with the baby for a long time in the evenings. As a result, the child cannot fall asleep for a long time in the evening, and wakes up with difficulty in the morning. This affects the psyche and emotional state of the baby. He becomes nervous, often begins to cry and act up, ceases to obey his parents.

Moreover, the baby may develop a false connection between his poor health and the need to go to kindergarten. So the crumbs on a subconscious level form a negative attitude towards kindergarten.

And vice versa, if in the morning the child gets up cheerful, cheerful, positive-minded, this will positively affect his attitude towards kindergarten. Therefore, it is extremely important to set the correct daily routine in advance and give the child time to readjust.

Moms take note!

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It is easy to change the child's attitude if you teach him to go to bed on time. In this case, he will wake up cheerful, in a good mood, he will have enough energy - this will positively affect his attitude towards kindergarten. Therefore, it is extremely important to set the correct daily routine in advance so that the child has time to readjust and get used to it. This way you will prevent many of the difficulties that may arise when it is time to take your baby to preschool.

Mistake #4 - Packing in a Hurry

Many parents feel sorry for waking up their baby in the morning. They want him to sleep longer and the child is only lifted out of bed at the very last moment. Without knowing it, moms and dads provoke a stressful situation for the crumbs.

Waking up just before leaving the house, the child must in a short time: wash, have breakfast, get dressed. The kid has not yet fully woken up, and his parents are pushing him with the phrases: “Eat faster!”, “What are you doing there?”, “Stop looking out the window!”. Parents scream at the child, quarrel with each other, and in such a situation it is difficult for the baby to understand what is happening at all. Involuntarily, the kid begins to think that all the problems are related to kindergarten, because earlier in the morning it was calm at home.

If the child goes to bed on time in the evening, he will be able to sleep normally. There is no point in postponing his awakening to the last moment. Count the time so that it is enough for breakfast in a relaxed atmosphere, for hygiene procedures and fees. Wake your child early in the morning, give him a few minutes to lie in bed and finally wake up. Such a start to the day will be comfortable for the baby. He will be cheerful, cheerful, and the whole family will get rid of stress.

Try to leave the house early. So the road to the kindergarten will turn into a pleasant walk - you can look at passers-by, cars, collect autumn leaves, talk and laugh a lot. The child will be able to walk at a pace that is comfortable for him, and you will not have to scold him for being slow. You can calmly communicate with the baby, give him some advice or guidance. All this will help set the baby on a positive. He will stay in the kindergarten without any problems and will be well-behaved, knowing that his parents will certainly take him home in the evening.

Of course, moms and dads want their children to be comfortable in kindergarten, but they do not always behave correctly. Do not make the mistakes that other parents have been burned on, and your child will easily stay with caregivers and will be friends with other children.

We have listed the most common mistakes that parents make when preparing their child for kindergarten. You need to remember them so as not to discourage the child from attending kindergarten, making new friends and learning about the world around him.

We also read:

Kindergarten - this is the first institution in the life of a child, which imposes on him the observance of certain rules and internal principles, which should be followed strictly. Not many kids will like this. Therefore, in order to smooth out the first impression of the kindergarten and the new way of life, it is necessary to follow simple rules. With their help, the adaptation of the child in kindergarten will occur as soon as possible.

A baby can be upset a lot in a new place, and instead of positive emotions, he will receive negativity. This will lead to the fact that the child will refuse to go to kindergarten, and every morning another child's tantrum will await the mother. The kid can not only cry and speak out about his unwillingness, attend kindergarten, but can also complain of abdominal pain, nausea and dizziness. And it is not necessary that it will be invented by them. In fact, every tenth child who categorically does not want to go to kindergarten may experience an increase in body temperature, nausea, accompanied by vomiting, pain in the abdomen and exacerbation of any chronic diseases. To avoid such troubles, parents need to pay attention to the main reasons why the child does not want to go to kindergarten.

Why the child does not want to go to kindergarten - reasons

There may be several main reasons. Therefore, in order to choose the right tactics with a child, it is necessary to accurately identify the consequence, because of which the child does not want to go to kindergarten.

1. Nutrition.

One of the most common reasons why a child refuses to go to kindergarten is a clear change of dishes. This does not mean that kindergarten food is bad or, conversely, much healthier than homemade food. Simply, it is really different: in taste, in texture, in a set of products and in its appearance. This can frighten the baby and push him away from visiting the institution. Some children find it very difficult to start trying new things in large quantities. They need to get used to it slowly and gradually.

Adaptation in kindergarten takes about two months. Therefore, parents need to be patient and in no case force the baby to eat food that is unusual for him, forcibly. Mom can find out the kindergarten menu in advance and try to cook these dishes at home. This will make it easier for your baby to adapt to nutrition. Cooking, as in kindergarten, must be started 1-2 months before the first visit. Finding out a detailed menu is not difficult, it is posted every day in the children's locker room, near the dining room, and is also posted on the institution's website. But even despite this, the baby may flatly refuse to eat in the garden. Mom should mentally prepare for this and wait a few days.

There is a lot of controversy on this topic, both between educators and between parents. Some may advise to supplement the baby at home, while others are categorically against it. After all, if the baby has breakfast at home, then most likely he will not touch food in kindergarten in the morning. If the baby honors his attention with a kindergarten afternoon snack, then feeding him at home with a full portion, you can easily provoke weight gain due to overfeeding and get digestive problems.

The way out of the situation is to discuss with the teachers in advance so that they do not force the child to eat. It is possible that the baby is rejecting some product (cabbage, boiled onions in soup or foam in milk). If it is acceptable to take some food from home in the garden, then the child can be provided with a small portion of chopped fruits or vegetables. It is highly undesirable to take cookies, sweets and other sweets to kindergarten. This can cause a stir among children and even worse spoil the appetite.

Only in the case when a child, visiting the garden for more than two months, still refuses to eat, it is necessary to seek advice from a pediatrician and a psychologist.

2. Daytime sleep.

A common problem for which a child does not want to go to kindergarten is the obligatory daytime sleep. It can be difficult for a toddler to relax in a room full of children. A favorite toy taken from home will help to correct the situation.

In many Western gardens, there is no quiet time. Kindergartens are not equipped with bedrooms and baby cots. If a child gets tired and wants to sleep, then he lies down right in the clothes in which he plays, on a sports mat and sleeps. Russian doctors and teachers are of the opposite opinion that sleep is essential for preschool children. But, unfortunately, for many children of 3-4 years of age, this can be a big problem, since daytime sleep is no longer necessary for them. Kindergarten belongs to a regime enterprise, so the child wants to sleep during the day or not, but he must go to bed and not make noise. For some children, this is torture and a consequence of the fact that in the end the child refuses to go to kindergarten.

As a rule, after adaptation in kindergarten, a child who does not want to sleep at a quiet hour, still falls asleep and his daily routine in the garden is getting better. But what about parents whose children, even after a long time in the garden, cannot fall asleep during daytime sleep and are capricious at the same time? There are several ways out of this situation.

Firstly, parents can send the baby to the garden with his favorite toy with which he sleeps at home. It will help him relax and tune in to sleep.

Secondly, having agreed with the teachers, the child can listen to fairy tales through the audio player during a quiet hour.

Thirdly, instead of a quiet hour, the baby can play with himself in the play area. But this option is considered extremely rarely, because on the one hand, few children can play quietly without attracting attention from other children or adults. And on the other hand, rare educators will take such a step, because the regime is the regime, and no one will take care of one "non-regime" child. But this situation should not be left to chance, because every day it can only get worse.

As a result, the child categorically does not want to go to kindergarten, and adults will have endless childish tantrums every morning. And it will not be just childish whims. Adults can see for themselves how hard it is forcibly to spend two hours a day lying in bed, looking at the ceiling. Parents need to discuss the current situation not only with educators, but also with the head, and at the end of the conversation, find a way out of the current situation. The best way out of the current situation, on the advice of psychologists, is to use a player with audio fairy tales. But it is worth resorting to it only when the adaptation of the baby, which takes several months, has passed, but he has not learned to sleep during the day.

3. Delicate issue.

Another problem that adults may face when taking a child to kindergarten is his refusal to defecate outside the home. This situation signals that the child is extremely uncomfortable in the garden and he can’t get used to the new conditions for him. If this continues during the adaptation period, the first 2-3 months, then this is a normal situation. But when the baby, even after this period, flatly refuses to relieve his need in kindergarten, and this has nothing to do with the ability to use the potty, then adults should contact a psychologist, or arrange a children's regimen in such a way that the moments of defecation fall on the clock when the child is Houses.

4. Conflicts with children.

In some situations, the reason when a child does not want to go to kindergarten lies in his conflicts with peers. For children, not only a quarrel, but also a fight is a natural manifestation. After all, no one is born with perfect manners. And in the process of learning the norms and rules of behavior, aggression, swearing or a fight will surely slip in children. Mom, walking with the baby on the playground, can constantly teach the baby how to do it right in this or that situation, and how not to do it, but everything is learned in practice, not theory.

Conflict can come from both the child himself and peers. If the kid himself starts fights, then not only the educators are responsible for this, but also the parents. After all, it is the parents who bring them up at home. Therefore, having learned that the child is showing aggression, it is necessary to act without waiting. Some conversations may not be enough, children aged 3-4 years take little seriously everything that their parents say. Sometimes only punishment and deprivation can help. For example, for fights, the baby is left without ice cream or a new toy.

It also happens that the baby is difficult to fit into the team. All children are different, some need more communication, and some less. Sometimes it is difficult for a child to perceive when he is accidentally pushed, hugged, or even bitten. Parents should prepare the baby in advance for the fact that personal boundaries can be violated in kindergarten and there is nothing to worry about. And it is also necessary to explain to the baby that it can be comfortable and safe not only at home with mom. To do this, you need to involve dad or grandmother. In the absence of a mother, other family members should come up with an interesting children's game and show the baby that in the absence of a mother, one can also have fun and have fun.

If the baby is extremely shy, and persuading the child to go to kindergarten is still a problem, although he has been going to it for about a year, but he still couldn’t get used to it, and he also didn’t make friends, then this indicates his special autistic character. Parents need to encourage their child to communicate with other children. Perhaps mom should take control and befriend some of the parents of the kindergarten kids. You can call them along with the children to visit, so that the baby gets used to communication and better adapts to society. It is possible that at first the mother, along with the children, will have to take part in children's games. But the main thing is to show the child that playing with peers is not scary, but very interesting and exciting.

The character of the baby, as a rule, is already noticeable from the cradle. Therefore, if a mother notices excessive shyness at the age of 1-2 years, then she can try to accustom the child to kindergarten in advance. To do this, you can take the baby to some kind of circle, where all the games will be played with other children of the same kind, but the mother will be at hand.

5. Mode change.

It is very difficult to get used to the kindergarten regime for those children who did not have any regime before the garden. The psychologist's advice says that parents need to start following a similar regimen at home 2-3 months before visiting kindergarten. The child must realize that such processes as eating, walking and playing take place in a well-planned sequence and at a certain time.

The child does not want to go to kindergarten, often because it is very difficult for him to get up in the morning. Good mood in the morning is the key to good health for the whole day. Parents should be prepared for the fact that morning gatherings will become joint, and in order not to be late, not to rush and not get angry over trifles, it is necessary to properly plan the time for getting up and getting ready. When a baby sees an irritated and hurrying mother in the morning, in half the cases this will provoke children's tears and a negative reaction to everything that happens. child after this "good" in the morning he will come excited and intractable. Such frequent morning situations can push back the process of adaptation in kindergarten for many months ahead.

The way out of the situation is quite simple. In cases where the baby is used to going to bed late, it is necessary to put him to bed much earlier. This can be done by getting up early. Such a scheme allows you to fully adjust to the gardening mode of early rise in a week. If the mother has the opportunity, then it is better to start visiting the garden in spring or summer, when the length of the day is longer, and it is already light in the morning. It would seem that such a trifle, but it helps to accustom the child to kindergarten much faster.

If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, under no circumstances, then parents should not force or scold, but help the child overcome all his fears. The advice of a psychologist in this case is aimed at parental behavior. In order to persuade a child to go to kindergarten without tears, parents are not forbidden to attend kindergarten together in the first days. Many educators practice this type of adaptation and themselves ask the mother to stay with her son or daughter in a group. But if, for whatever reason, this is not a feasible task, then the mother can give the baby a “piece of home” with her to the kindergarten. It can be a toy, the usual food in a container (the main condition is that it does not get very dirty, it can be a chopped apple) or an invented talisman. They can be any small thing that will fit into a pocket.

6. Unloved teacher.

Many parents ask themselves the question - what to do if the child does not want to go to kindergarten because of dislike for the teacher? Experts advise to think about this situation even before the child visits the garden. The presence in the kindergarten of qualified teachers who really love children is the most important criterion for choosing a kindergarten. No well-equipped playrooms and bright garden decorations can replace a kind attitude towards a child. If the situation is clearly highlighted when the baby runs to one teacher without any, and seeing another, does not want to leave his mother, then it is necessary to understand the reasons.

Unfortunately, at an early age it is difficult for a child to describe the problem of conflict, therefore, games will come to the rescue to identify the cause of dislike for the teacher. You should not put pressure on the child and especially focus on this, you should just play kindergarten. It is necessary to take a set of toys and invite the child to distribute the roles himself, who will be the educator and who will be the child. During such a game, parents learn not only about the essence of the conflict between the child and the teacher, but also a lot of new things about their child. It is possible that the child does not want to go to kindergarten because the teacher is too strict or makes him eat everything to the crumbs during lunch, or maybe the teacher does not pay attention to how other children tease and offend the baby. You should not push this problem into a distant box, but it is worthwhile to fully analyze this conflict with the educator. When, after a conversation, the problem is not exhausted, then, alas, it is unlikely that it will be possible to change the situation. The only way out is to change the kindergarten.

What should parents do in advance so that there is no situation when the child refuses to go to kindergarten

1. It must be remembered that a habit cannot be developed in a few days. Therefore, we bring the baby to the kindergarten regime in advance and gradually. This is especially true for getting up and eating.

2. It is imperative to encourage and in every way contribute to the development of the child's skills and abilities. Often, in order to save time, the mother herself cleans the toys, dresses the baby and feeds him. This in no way develops independence in the baby. Later, finding himself in kindergarten, the child will face many difficulties. Therefore, the mother needs to encourage any attempts of the child to independence. When the baby begins to participate in the preparations for the kindergarten, choose clothes, tie his own shoelaces, etc., then we can say with confidence that the adaptation was successful.

3. No matter how sociable the child is, separation from his mother and the new environment of the kindergarten is definitely stressful. Therefore, in the first days of adaptation, all adult relatives, and especially the mother, must show the baby that they love him and that he is very necessary and important to them. At this time, you need to play all the baby's favorite games, forget about your hobbies for a while and devote yourself entirely to the baby.

When parents want to accustom their child to kindergarten, they should categorically avoid the following things:

1. Sometimes, if the parents failed to persuade the child to go to kindergarten, they can easily leave him at home to avoid tantrums on the way. This situation is quite expected if one of the parents does not work or the family lives with the grandmother. But it is absolutely impossible to do this. After all, in order to get used to the garden, you need to visit it, not just once, but every day, not counting, of course, weekends. If the child refuses to go to the kindergarten, then in this case it is possible to come to a general agreement that he will be picked up early. For example, in the first months, if it is difficult for the baby to get used to and adapt to new conditions, you can take him before daytime sleep.

2. It will be difficult to accustom a child to kindergarten if his mother or grandmother follows his lead. The kid can cry loudly and resist, but if he has already been brought to the garden door, then the way back is cut off. Very often, when a child categorically does not want to go to kindergarten, adults begin to feel sorry for him, and eventually turn back to the house. This is an extremely dangerous path. After all, the baby may think that with the help of tears he can control adults. And next time, parents may not be surprised that in a situation where the child does not want to go to kindergarten, children's tears will become stronger, and the screams will become even louder.

3. Keep emotions under control. Sometimes mothers wonder why the child does not want to go to kindergarten, because he liked it there yesterday? In this case, the mother should pay attention to her emotions. Children are very sensitive and easily catch any change in their mother's mood. And when, taking her son or daughter to the garden, the mother bursts into tears, gets nervous and worries about the baby, then what kind of good mood can the child have?

Undoubtedly, every mother will worry about her child, a swarm of questions will spin in her head - Will no one hurt him there? Will he eat? Will she cry? Will he make friends? But, despite such a confusion of feelings, the mother should let the child go with a smile and confidence that everything will be fine with him. It does not hurt to instill this confidence in the child himself, to constantly remind him that it is interesting in the kindergarten, new friends and discoveries await him there, and that he is very beloved for his family and, of course, they will take him home. If the child feels his mother's support and confidence in his strengths and skills, then the mother will not have a question in the morning - how to persuade the child to go to kindergarten?