That no one needs him. Nobody needs me. Not a single living soul
What do you do if no one wants you at all?
Once my good friend, after the words of the children addressed to her we don't need you
Calmly answered That's great, so I don't owe you anything
and you think about the reason why it happens and how to fix such a problem. Look around, see how many people are around. Dig into yourself, do you look bad? - make a beautiful hairstyle, put on a pretty dress, suit, jeans, if you are looking for a friend, he will definitely find you so beautiful and confident in your attractiveness. Drop your indecision, stiffness, embarrassment, be sure that that you are the most beautiful and attractive. If men are used to seeing you as your boyfriend - appear feminine in front of them, so that they would feel a woman in you, not a kid. In general, think about it, but you can still answer the question that Anfiska asked about married people and unmarried women. http://www.bolshoyvopros.ru/questions/24973-nezhenatiki-nezamuzhnicy-shy; ne-zagljanete-li-sjuda-na-ogonek.html
Kotena, you are needed and loved! It's just that you're too vulnerable and too loving, and it hurts that others don't love you exactly the way you'd like them to. You give more than you receive! Don't be afraid to filter your social circle!
Don't be afraid to start from scratch! We must go forward! Shape your future yourself! You are your own mistress!
If possible, try to change the environment more often. 🙂
This is how a person who does not accept himself can argue. First of all, you need to be needed by yourself.))) But when you rely on the environment, then it will definitely remain indifferent. And as soon as you become interested with yourself, as soon as you want to be alone with yourself, you begin to understand yourself, dear, from a half-flight of thought, then all the rest will kaaaak run in!)))
What are you, Kotena! Smile. Even if at this moment it seems to you that no one needs you, then in a moment, or in a day, well, in extreme cases, in a month, a person will appear who will really need you. He will definitely show up! Just don't be discouraged!
Welcome to BV.
no, it's outrageous when one little upset girl is calmed down, persuaded by a whole crowd of serious, adult people. so, quickly lay out: who offended you! we will deal with it quickly! there are a lot of us!
You need to become necessary to yourself, then people will be drawn. You need to try to love yourself - a difficult path and not easy to do on your own, I know, but only it gives happiness. Happiness is inherent in ourselves from the very beginning, we just forgot about it as we grew up. Good luck with your self discovery!
Get a kitten or a puppy =) Do you need someone yourself? You can’t take all the energy for yourself, you need to give it away too. You can’t demand from people that all of them suddenly need you, you need to give something in return - more positive emotions! In this regard, it is better to be an altruist.
In addition to everything already said.
In the life of every girl there is a state when you want to crawl under the covers, see no one, hear nothing, feel nothing and turn off your brains. BUT! This condition needs to be dealt with!
When life is not in joy, it is necessary:
1) Change a man (if the situation, age and level of obligations allow, but I think they do here)
2) Change your hairstyle (a beautiful model haircut is simply vital and it is desirable to change the hair color, but in such a way that it is beautiful)
3) Try to change the image (so that it is beautiful, appropriate, and it is better to avoid enchanting)
4) Force yourself to ALWAYS walk with a straight back, high chin and mentally wear a crown on your head. Imagine a queen with a crown on her head, stooping and lowering her head low? Yes, her crown will immediately fall from her head and what kind of queen is she then?
5) Invent or remember your dream, which is not connected with the people around you. Which concerns only your desire (for example, write an article in a famous magazine, get a job that will allow you to meet new people, travel, get a lot of previously unexperienced experiences, learn to ride a horse or drive a car, shoot a bow, etc.) and make that dream come true.
6) Understand that if a man doesn't love you, you probably don't love him either. It might just be an addiction. Do you feel bad when he is not around, but as soon as he appears, all the problems seem to recede, and you don’t want to think about them while he is here? And as soon as the door closes behind him, everything returns? Does it act like a drug on you? Run from this man and don't look back. Addiction is not love, it destroys your soul and you.
Love yourself for yourself! And then those who deserve you will love you. And you don't need the rest.
You need to soberly evaluate your appearance. If the sun is really bad, you need to fix it by all available means, up to plastic surgery.
And if it's not so bad, then it's enough to start taking care of yourself. Men rarely pay attention to unkempt, run-down women.
In general, you need to improve yourself.
for every woman in nature there is a man, single people probably do not give a chance to their soul mate.
Question to a psychologist
Good afternoon. I am 28 years old, my personal life does not add up. I will try to be short and informative. From the side you can see the mistakes.
I'll start from today. I'm sitting on the NW 15-20 people write to me periodically. Every day or every other day, 6 people write. I understand that they don’t care about me, in principle. When they have holidays, they don't even come in to write me something. Everyone has their own life. I'm just for "chat" when there's nothing to do, apparently. One asked for a number for a long time. I gave. As a result, he said that he was afraid to call and did not call, but writes sometimes. For a 35 year old man, this is very strange. I think he's not interested enough in me. It may not show up for weeks.
In real life, they rarely meet me. I rarely go anywhere. Or maybe that's not the reason. In the summer, the guy met, but also did not call. Although he said that I was beautiful and cool. I didn't really like him, maybe he felt it. Before that, the guy got acquainted, he called. But I refused to meet him (not directly, I was playing for time, maybe in order to decide on a meeting), he eventually disappeared. Maybe I'm afraid of men. don't know. But how to gain experience if there are no men? when someone appears, naturally I have fear. because usually no one is interested in me. And, if you are interested, then those with whom you definitely cannot build relationships: womanizers, married people.
"fans" I had. But they tried to bring me down. they said: I like that one, this one, and you. One loved his ex, and frankly scoffed at me. I step forward, he back. If I'm back, he's forward. I stopped talking to him. Although he came for a long time. I had only one relationship. And then, short. Years at 17.
I have no friends in my life for 3-4 years. There were friends with whom I had been friends since childhood. been friends for 10 years. then I moved. I had friends in college. Been friends for 2.5 years. At the end of the 3rd course, they stopped communicating. In one person I was disappointed, I stopped communicating with her. Everyone stopped communicating with me) although one was torn between me and that friend, but still chose her. There was another girl from another company. She called me names behind my back. I found out about it and stopped talking to her. There was a company of guys with whom I talked for 4 years. But later they began to assert themselves at my expense. I also stopped talking to them. And what is strange, many people from the past are trying to make friends with me again. Only I don't want to. What is the point of asserting myself at my expense, talking behind my back? why do they do this and what am I doing wrong that annoys them so much? I want new friends, new acquaintances. But, it feels like those who need me do not need me. Why is that? I don't have a single person close to me right now. It gets very lonely.
One psychologist once said that I suppress men. But, other psychologists said that I adequately react to everything and they do not see arrogance or something like that. I'm not going to pretend to be a stupid girl or be worse than I am so that girls or boys can be friends with me. I have my own opinion, desires, interests.
Good day, Elena.
You have serious communication problems and therefore very vague prospects for the future.
Loneliness and hopelessness in finding intimacy is the worst pain.
And for you it is best of all, from the whole arsenal of psychological means, the psychodynamic group of self-knowledge will work.
Come and let's get treated.
Sincerely,
Marchenko Viktor, Psychologist, family analyst, Almaty, skype
Good answer 0 bad answer 1Hello. Elena. In this story, it is not the letter that should be analyzed, but your personality itself. It is quite obvious that you are a positive person. But, with men, apparently, you are cowardly, touchy and often not decisive. grateful and mutual relationships. Yes, there are a lot of negative things on the sites, but, nevertheless, you can choose a companion, at least to work on skills and relationships on it, by becoming friends. Somewhere you yourself run away, but somewhere you cannot be actively present, using relationships to your advantage. This is from excessive caution and vulnerability. The less vulnerable and suspicious you become, the more versatile and flexible you will become in the minuet of dating. do not fit. Since, difficulties are rooted in fears and poor adaptation from early childhood. Set yourself up for your growth and do not be discouraged!
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychotherapist-psychoanalyst Volgograd
Good answer 1 bad answer 0Hello, Elena,
it is not entirely clear why you parted ways with your girlfriends and friends and were left alone. Whether this is your distrust of everyone in general, or the inability to build a serious relationship. It looks like the second one. It seems that emotionally close relationships scare you a lot. Because it's work. It is very difficult to be in a relationship and be independent at the same time. It doesn't work that way. Perhaps there are a lot of fantasies in your head about relationships that are far from reality. And then the guys run away or are afraid or try to use you for a frivolous relationship. All of this needs to be dealt with. It seems that you were not able to establish relations with psychologists in order to work productively, you write about different psychologists who tell you different things. Perhaps this is also an occasion to think about yourself.
Sincerely,
Tlegenova Kharlan, psychoanalytically oriented psychologist, Almaty
Good answer 4 bad answer 0 
Hello, Elena.
Perhaps there are more pluses and security for you for now, but it won’t last that long, the minuses will soon begin to grow and the more you are alone, the more difficult it will be to achieve change. I do not think that everyone you meet on your life path is trying to assert itself at your expense. It’s just that our world, like a mirror, reflects the inner world of a person, while you see the negative in it, the world seems dangerous, like in that children’s cartoon where the characters were afraid to go across the river, because someone terrible and dangerous lived there, but you just had to smile like everyone else has changed. You do not need short meetings with a psychologist, you need a long therapy that will give you the opportunity to see other people, other communication, another life where you are needed and where you have friends, communication, family and even children. Just allow yourself this, you have the right not only to fear and caution, but also the right to love, friendship, trust and recognition.
Sincerely, Lyudmila Tskhai, Almaty psychologist
Good answer 1 bad answer 1 
Hello, Elena. Judging by the letter, you are a self-sufficient person. Perhaps it's about patience, you do not have enough of it. After all, it is necessary to build relationships patiently, accepting people as they are, with all the advantages and disadvantages. It seems like you judge people on first impressions. And it is usually misleading. And people, in fact, feel it and they subconsciously create a stupor for further close acquaintance. The stupor has the function of a protective mechanism. Your evaluating look remains in their memory, which is repulsive. The second reason I believe is your "mind". You are a smart girl and demonstrate it. Smart people are usually afraid. Let me dispel a myth: people are afraid of smart people not because they are afraid of looking worse or stupid. And they are afraid that you will start to teach them! Nobody wants, especially men, to be taught. And psychologists, I think they will not be able to help you, as long as you think that you yourself know everything. And until you begin to take into account the opinions, desires and interests of others. You are doing the right thing by not pretending to be stupid. But, perhaps, in order to have friends and a loved one, it is enough to be an attentive, caring, cheerful person. To be able not only to listen, but also to hear. And at the same time, it is absolutely not necessary to consider that they assert themselves at your expense. You may not say anything abstruse to them. But, on a non-verbal level, you signal to them about your intellect and mind, with your gestures, facial expressions and even postures. Men love us women, not for our mind!!! They love us because we bring them happiness. Good luck.
Sincerely, the psychologist of Almaty, Chembotaeva Bayana
Good answer 1 bad answer 1Sometimes people have such an inexplicable feeling that "no one needs me." The feeling is so strong and causes such an internal “distortion” that no matter who you come into contact with, you see that people simply don’t give a damn about you, that you don’t need a single living soul, not even “friends” and wife, and if you need so they need something from you, You no one needs him. Everything good, pleasant and just normal that happens when communicating between people is simply not perceived and not felt. Over time, these constant "betrayals" only accumulate, and eventually hatred arises. How else to react to you?
This is a colossal veil, absolute. And the reason for everything is a big scar in the soul - resentment. Childish insult. Resentment, on the dearest and most important person - Mom. Very often this is an insult by birth precisely "on mother." Over time, a person grows up, and resentment ceases to be personified. Those. the person is simply in a state of resentment. The most severe condition, inadequate.
This is exclusively a problem for people with an anal vector. Firstly, only they can be offended, and secondly, insults of this kind are simply a stoppage of life for them. Nothing, I'll wait until next time. And it doesn't matter that there won't be a next time.
To begin with, understand what the anal vector is, and how resentment arises in it. Then you need to work hard to understand how people with other vectors, for example, with the skin one, react on us, anal people. Take a little break from yourself. (Read why mom is the most important person for an anal baby)
Here is a cry from the heart of one blog:
The depression dragged on. For six months now, the loneliness that I love so much has been slowly destroying me. Every day I contact with a dozen people, but none of them need me. I am constantly looking for new acquaintances, but new acquaintances do not need me either. Looking for old acquaintances, but they don't even remember me.
Sunday again. You wake up in the morning and realize that no one needs you. To feel the presence of someone, you take a book and go to the park. But walking young mothers only increase the feeling of your uselessness. After all, you remember that the girl you loved so much calculated that the n-th amount was needed to support the family. Otherwise, the family does not need you. After the park you go to the cinema. But even if you are not going alone, you will still have to think about the film and discuss its meaning and subtext alone. It's boring for people around you to hear what you think. They do not need your thoughts caused by viewing the picture. They don't need you.
Another work week. It would seem that at work they love and appreciate you, but they only need your skills. They don't need you. You want to learn new things, generate ideas, but no one needs this. You are considered a cog in the mechanism, and all your ideas are ridiculous and useless. And no one will help in difficult times. Ready to just step up. Because no one wants you there.
You go to the gym, but it's like you're doing it alone. No one called and asked why you were gone for a whole week. Nobody will ask. They don't need you either.
Holidays, gifts... It takes a painfully long time to think about what to give to whom. You put yourself in their place. You remember every conversation, every hint. And from a dozen you choose what is really worthy of the name of the gift. You travel for several days to find him. Be proud that your gift will be remembered. And in return, they give you some filth that will gather dust and cause only pain. Or even donate money. Or even forgotten. Because no one thinks about you. Nobody needs you.
Nobody cares when you're sad. You turn out to be needed only by smiling, scattering in compliments and helping everyone. But as soon as you open up and talk about what worries you, you become unnecessary. The pain comes when you are advised to work on yourself, earn money, buy a cat. This only reinforces the belief that no one needs me.
No friends at all. I am always ready to go at any time of the day to any part of the city to help or support a person, but no one will come to my request. How much you need to help a person, give advice, solve problems for him, so that he becomes a friend. I am always ready to help with joy and sacrificing myself. But no one will sacrifice himself for me. Nobody needs me.
Again, no girl. Long time no. Occasionally you find someone, but despite all the good that you bring her, no matter how many gifts you give and no matter how much you entertain her, she will not come if you are sick. A couple of dry tips on the phone and that's it. You'll have to make your own raspberry tea. Because she doesn't need me.
When a man cries, it's a terrible sight. I vaguely remember this process from my childhood. But when several times, half an hour before the start, the girl cancels the cultural program, the plans of which you have been hatching for a whole week. When you are constantly advised where to go for a picnic or in which cafe to sit, but they never invite you. When you agree on the first warm days to buy roller skates, jump with a parachute, go to the seaside for the weekend, etc., and then they refuse everything ... It's impossible to keep it in yourself. Especially if it happens several times a week. Especially if at that moment you are freezing from a high temperature. Especially when you realize that no one cares about all this.
The mother should be able to help. But she also constantly reproaches me for everything, adding the interrogative-affirmative phrase "who needs you" at the end.
I went through all the contacts in the mail, all my colleagues, all my acquaintances. No one can send a message like I wrote. No one will read it and no one will help.
The phone is silent. Silent almost constantly. Occasionally he calls and says that someone needs something from me. And nobody needs me...
just that no one needs me, and if you need it, it’s only because even when I have a wife, children, friends, and even such an important thing as a company of friends with beer.
They don't need me anyway.
What is adequate and what is not, it is not for us to judge ... Someone else's soul is darkness.
This is not true! Shine a flashlight here. Then put resentment on the couch and put a clock on her so that she can see how life ticks away in front of her year after year.
You go to work, you walk down the street, you come home and… you understand, “It turns out that nobody needs me. You can’t wait for a friend’s call, the family has fallen apart, work is declining.” How to get out of the impasse when everything seems to be going against you? When life crashes, and you stop believing in the best, it's time to know yourself. How to find strength to live on? It's time to listen to yourself and start a cardinal reboot of consciousness! Read to the end, and you will no longer experience the feeling of loneliness.
Where does the feeling of "I don't need anyone" come from?
It happens that you go to work peacefully, give energy to others, and in response ... nothing. It is the feeling of emptiness that eats from the inside and does not allow you to breathe freely. What can I say, even good weather does not give joy, as a few years ago, when you could go on a picnic with friends. Any attempt to return everything back leads to failure.
“I lost myself and can’t find the strength to continue my usual business again!”, - such a thought leads a person to pessimism and isolation in himself. Sitting one on one with your feelings near ruined relationships, misunderstandings of others - this makes you lose faith in the best. Reproaches from relatives, unsuccessful attempts to meet a girl, and also these eternal job denials - how can you not stop thinking that the world is against you?
Who needs me when everyone around is obsessed with their image, you can’t even count on ordinary communication? Don't blame others for ignoring your ego. People do not always deliberately act against a person in order to bring her moral damage. Everyone finds his place, where his participation is required at a particular moment in time. If a person is fixated on third-party attention and this closes him in himself.
negative thoughts, which constantly flash in the head, are reflected in the behavior of a man. From this constant stress that affects the mood, physical condition. From here and excessive drowsiness, irritability, isolation in society, sexual problems and other unpleasant symptoms. Free time, which is freed from the influence of other people, can be spent on self-development.
A guy may not suspect that time without a girl, noisy companies can be used wisely. Loneliness is not a sentence, but a given chance to become stronger, more successful. No need to think “no one needs me, they abandoned me and now I am like an empty place”! No need to worry too much about this - maybe now is the time to change your outlook on your surroundings and start taking responsibility for your actions.
How to deal with this feeling
There is a stereotype that "we need only ourselves and our parents who really love us." People are so afraid to be alone with their thoughts, character, so they begin to feel inner discomfort. To tell the news, pour out feelings, stay close - it is important for us to feel needed. Longing for the past - that's what slows down the path of new development.
The constant search for causes, the imposition of blame create the ground for a global problem. In fact, it simply does not exist! After a breakup, guys feel at the peak of freedom for some time, but after a short time they plunge into negative thoughts. Complexity, addictions, lack of incentives to develop - all this closes the door to a better future in the bud. The brain is arranged in such a way as to constantly reproduce the experienced passage of time and impose a specific meaning on it.
I lost myself or how to avoid the symptoms of disappointment:
- Do not self-flagellate- it occurs when a man is engaged in idleness. The feeling of boredom can be destroyed by important things that are needed to achieve goals. In general, goals are a useful thing. They keep the body and mind in good shape, not allowing any prejudice to penetrate into the most intimate.
- positive thinking- without it, you will not reap the harvest, nor will you succeed in any business. It is important to strive to see the world from the angle "I believe in good, I will do everything to get out of this state."
- Become more open. Often the problem of loneliness is the unwillingness of a man to make contacts with others. Girls rarely come up and get to know each other, and colleagues can be on their own wave and will not devote time to you. Communication skills and self-confidence are the main skills that others appreciate. The result may surprise you - people will immediately begin to reach out to such a person.
- Work on the external image. Clothing style, physical data, gestures, neatness - this is the "face" of a person that presents him in society. Who needs me if I don’t take care of myself, I’m always sloppy and stooping? A representative of the stronger sex will be the soul of any company if he starts to follow the speech, looks neat, wears things in good condition, and maintains hygiene. Maybe this is where the problem of loneliness and denial of you in society is hidden.
- Be true to yourself. If a man avoids responsibility and does not take on any business, does not want to see his shortcomings, fight addictions, a feeling of discomfort will constantly accompany him. People around love reliable personalities who are responsible for their words.
- Accept your mistakes. Egocentrism, pride do not allow to be flexible in society, because of which difficulties often arise. Agreeing that “I was wrong, I should have done it differently” is the best way to understand each other. Easy relationships, where everyone takes part in solving certain problems, will help maintain long-term contacts with a person.
How to get rid of the thought "I lost myself"? Do not assume that the world does not give a damn about you and start moving towards opportunities. Friends haven't called for a long time? Why not invite them to the cinema and get together in a cafe! With a girl, long-standing conflicts through the fault of a man? It is worth understanding where he is wrong and apologize, showing understanding and feelings for the partner.
The more empathy, purposefulness in a person, the easier it is to achieve mutual understanding with others. If at the entrance the guard does not notice you - this is not a sign to panic! Haven't those to whom you made a card and brought a cake a happy birthday? The joys of life should not stop there, and with them the relationship with these people. It is important to maintain your dignity and perceive reality more sensibly.
Guys, you are great for reading the article to the end! We hope that the information helped at least a little to get rid of the thought “nobody needs me”. A real man is one who does not question his character and remains steadfast no matter what. You are sure to achieve success in your favorite business, relationships, family and friends if you act with awareness. The surrounding reality is not so bad - there is a place for calmness in it.
Everyone has such days when it seems that the whole world doesn’t care about us, thoughts float in my head - “nobody needs me”, “everything is bad”. But sometimes this feeling accompanies not just certain periods of time - it becomes a part of life. Oh yes, people can be interested by asking the standard “How are you?”, for example, at lunchtime at work. But after a working day, a person returns home and willy-nilly begins to wonder: what to do if no one needs you?
What can really be done if this feeling of loneliness comes? Let's look at a few tips to help you deal with it.
- First, you can try the following exercise. Make your own memory album. You can conditionally name it, for example, "Love bit by bit." It is best to view it in advance, not yet in a state of depression. To create your own "love album" you need to collect all the good memories in one place.
These can be vacation photos where you have fun with friends; or those on which close people hug you - parents, grandparents. They will serve as confirmation that there are and will be people on earth who care about you. When you feel that no one needs you, you will only need to open this album again to remind yourself of this. It does not have to be in paper form; you can create a collection on your desktop computer.
- Tip #2: Don't Let the Attention Fool You. Since attention has the property of switching and selectivity in relation to the objects of the external world, it is sometimes very easy to be misled about other people. For example, you can consider yourself the loneliest person in the world if the concierge in two years of work did not bother to remember your name, and also if the second cousin aunt was the only person who wished you a happy birthday last year. Falling into negative feelings about this, you can, for example, very easily miss the fact that five minutes ago your girlfriend wrote you an SMS message just like that.
- Learn to cope with the reality around you, accepting it as it is.. Yes, you heard right. No friend or therapist can take you out of the reality you are in. There have always been, are and will be people who really don't care about you; who, under no pretext, would go on dates with you or become your friends. However, it is absolutely necessary to continue to cultivate a sense of self-worth, self-acceptance. Be honest with yourself about your positive qualities. Never underestimate them.
- In working on yourself, do not neglect the use of well-known measures. We are talking about such tips as switching attention to any activity, exercising, or taking a short break at a time when you feel especially lonely. There are several reasons for using these techniques. Firstly, this tactic will help you avoid many troubles, such as street fights, big money spending or alcohol abuse. The second reason is the fact that we all tend to perceive reality distortedly in moments of despair. In particular, it is worth "slowing down" a little if you need to make certain decisions or take action.
- Know your attachment style, and learn to be tolerant of the attachment style of others. Even if he is avoidant. This does not mean that you need to seek friendship with those who do not want to communicate with you by all means. But it does mean accepting who these people are, what they are.
In total, there are several styles of attachment: this is a confident style, anxious-ambivalent and avoidant. Confident is formed in childhood, provided that parents give the child enough care and attention, do not ignore his needs. Such children grow up to be quite determined people who are able to build harmonious, trust-based relationships.
Anxiously ambivalent style is characteristic of those who, on the contrary, experienced a lack of parental love in childhood, especially in those moments when they needed it most. Such children grow up to be very anxious people, often they experience difficulties in relationships. And it is they, unfortunately, who most often ask this question: how to live on if no one needs you?
The avoidant style is characteristic of children whose parents constantly rejected their needs. In experiments conducted by scientists, infants with this type of attachment practically did not react to the appearance of their mother after separation. The formation of an avoidant attachment style also affects the ability to build full-fledged relationships with people in the future.
Ironically, very often people with opposite types of attachment enter into relationships. For example, a girl who is ready to send batches of SMS every day starts dating a young man who forgets his phone at work every other day. Such relationships are not uncommon. Therefore, you need to treat both yourself and the other person with understanding. And one more thing: you can try to change your behavior if you regard your style as avoidant or anxiously ambivalent.
But stop trying to change the other person. It's like banging your head against a brick wall, expecting it to crumble into crumbs while still keeping your head in place.