My boyfriend is a miser, or His worst sin

December 1, 2015 - 4 comments

A bill split in half, a request to return the money for a taxi, a wallet “forgotten” at home, a lonely carnation without cellophane on the first date - and then no gift to you, not a flower ...

Some girls were even “lucky” to hear: “You understand, I have a small salary”, “Why do you need gifts, we already live together.” There are variations: “Do you need me or my money? Love me the way I am”, “Mom said that you should only give money to all of you!”

How many different explanations a person can come up with justifying his stinginess! Why, then, do some men lose the desire to get a purse as soon as it comes to their girlfriend? Who are these men, what drives them?

Let's call on Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology to help and try to understand why boys save on girls.

One for myself and all for me

Most often there are two groups of men who do not like to part with money.

Representatives of the first group are quite ambitious (at least from boastful stories about themselves) people. Movable, thin, fit, athletic - it's nice to look at them, it's not a shame to appear in public with them. They live in a high rhythm, absolutely fitting into the requirements of the modern world. Necessarily high-intensity work, almost certainly there is a car, the desire to be in time everywhere, to earn everything, to overtake everyone.

They are very rational. Sometimes it even seems like too much. And they don’t see anything shameful in the fact that you pay in a restaurant every man for himself: “We have a democracy. You also make money."

Initially, you may be presented with a small bouquet or a practical gift. But if you are already in a relationship, it is unprofitable to spend money on a soul mate - you no longer need to win it. And you need to be economical: you never know what will happen tomorrow.

Slightly less common are those who directly declare that “just give women money.” After all, girls are what they are: if you like a guy, then you try to prove that you are “not like that”, and you don’t need his money, only him. However, this particular man himself considers himself a gift for any woman. But if it gets into his head that a girlfriend wants money or gifts from him, then he considers her corrupt, which he directly declares.

In a mild version, he will mutter: “I didn’t deserve to receive gifts yet. Wait and see". How long the probation period will last in a relationship is unclear ...

Pragmatic user or offended boy?

It's time to grab your head: how to distinguish between them? It is good that the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan tells us about both.

The problem is that we perceive equally men who do not know how or do not want to give material gifts or show signs of attention to their girlfriend. We briefly print: “Zhmot”. But the motives are different. They stem from innate desires, the totality of which is called a vector. And the described examples are inherent in men with skin and anal vectors.

Owners of the skin vector are earners and economists. They are created in order to earn and save, effectively investing what they earn in accounts, real estate, the latest technology and gadgets. And in a state of stress from the loss of something valuable for oneself (time, money) or, less often, due to the underdevelopment of the properties of the vector, one may strive to save on everything.

A person with a skin vector strives to get it for free, if there is such an opportunity. If something is bad, we take it. And we will save ours - it will come in handy!

But men who deny their beloved the right to gifts on the basis of "did not deserve" are the owners of the anal vector. In a developed and realized state, they are the best husbands and fathers. Developed and realized, they beautifully look after, caring and attentive towards their girlfriend.

But if the life experience of a man with an anal vector is weighed down by a blow to the main values ​​- the purity and innocence of a woman, fidelity, devotion, respect, then they transfer their first negative experience and resentment to others. So, if a man believes that the first girl used him, then he will treat everyone else with suspicion and distrust, trying to compensate for the offense received. It is very difficult for such people to readjust. They may not recognize that you personally did nothing to him. It just happened to him once.

Plushki new time

Why are we girls so jarred by the understanding that a guy is a miser? After all, when going to a restaurant in the West, no one will feel insulted and offended if everyone pays for himself. There it is simple and natural.

The answer lies in our special mentality, in which male stinginess is a sin comparable to mortal.

But the true misers are, of course, men with a skin vector. Because money is a value in the skin vector. The guys understand it well and subtly feel who you can save money on, and who you can’t.

And the most accommodating and caring guys can be just frugal when they are in good condition. And, alas, out of principle, they won’t buy anything for you when you’re in a bad situation.

You can learn more about skin and anal men at the free online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Registration

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Welcome to the world of hidden desires and violent passions!

I read women's complaints about the behavior of husbands on maternity leave, and it just makes my hair stand on end. Does this happen?

“I didn’t give money for pads, arguing that in ancient times women put moss on, and you need to stretch the time of wearing pads, since their constant purchase is money thrown to the wind.”

“Food is purely for the child (cottage cheese, yogurt), diapers, clothes and toys (which he approves) are paid in half. He calculates our food in common with the child (meat, cereals, vegetables, etc.) as follows: from the check he calculates approximately how much the daughter ate, divides it in half ... She doesn’t feed me. I have to dress for mine. To the indignation that it is so wrong that families do not live like that, he replies: “You cannot know how families live behind closed doors. The whole civilized world lives with different wallets, and the child - in half, and the husband and wife each provide for themselves.

“My husband gives money, but in a form that is humiliating for me - under a report with a bunch of questions: “Why, how much, why so much?” And he, the master, will still think whether to give or not to give ... He gives me 500 rubles each, and then, if I say what ... I don’t know what to do anymore. I am sitting with his child, and he believes that he is a benefactor, throwing me some money from the master's shoulder.

BARANOVSKAYA admitted ... Photo: Instagram.com

“I have an eight-month-old daughter. My daughter and I went to my mother after my husband, when I was in the hospital, sold my laptop and squandered all the maternity money.

“She asked me to buy a shampoo with a balm - she says: why is that balm? Yesterday I said: buy me a toothbrush and day pads. Again: you can do without gaskets. I am sitting today, looking out the window, my dear asks: what are you thinking about? I say this and that, I think where to find work at home, and he answered me - you offend me. Are you missing something?"

“I worked and did not hang around his neck. The third child was planned, we are not young and stupid. But with his birth, something went wrong with her husband. The husband does not give money, he says, go earn it yourself. How to influence him?

... that with the football player ARSHAVIN, from whom she gave birth to three, life was not easy: he did not shower millions, and cheated, and did not surround with special care. Photo: © ITAR-TASS

alarm bell

Of course, terrible things are described. And the most unpleasant thing is that it all started with a small one - a separate budget, separate payment of bills in a restaurant. And it ends with one thing - that you can’t beg for money for medicines and pads.

It seems to me that if during the period of courtship a man pinches money for his beloved, then there will be a general “put out the light”. Women really do not like greedy men, and they do it right. Still, a separate account is a wake-up call. This is not self-interest and commercialism, but ordinary intuition, so as not to beg on the decree. I'm right?

If a man, like Kisa Vorobyaninov from "12 Chairs", began to squander already in a restaurant - run as fast as you can (in the photo - Natalya VARLEY and Sergey FILIPPOV in the film adaptation of the imperishable work of ILF and PETROV)

restaurant girl

And here's the other side of the coin.

I opened dating ads and I'm sitting in a frenzy. Almost every man is married. Moreover, most of them offer "loot" for meetings. “Need a mistress with material support”, or “a married man needs a girlfriend for a trip to the sea”, or “needs a girl for pleasant meetings. With me restaurants and entertainment. In a word, they lure whoever is into what. Don't skimp.

I might not have paid any attention to these ads, if so many wives had not complained about mind-boggling redneck. Also with the argumentation: they say, you are not a prostitute, why do I owe her a gasket on the decree? Beggar!

And here, not to his own wife, but to some aunt on the side, they are ready to carry their hard-earned money like pretty little ones. They pay and do not buzz.

Interestingly, these are the same men who huddle at home to give money for food, clothes for their wife, pads, diapers, hair balm, are these the same men who promise mountains of gold to their mistresses, or are they different?

In Soviet times, this was accepted

A matter of life and death

I remembered one incident from my life, a real one. In the company, a male doctor accidentally found out that he was allegedly given 50 thousand for a successful operation. He, of course, boiled up, because he did not receive any money. I began to find out what was the matter.

Turns out it was a couple. Husband and wife, peers, lived together for about 35 years, from their youth, when a bad tumor suddenly appeared in a man. Moreover, no one gave guarantees that the operation would be successful. They lived in poverty, modestly. But the wife from the general savings without talking allocated 50 thousand, like, "to thank" the surgeon. I wanted the best. Well, then, of course, I told my friends about it - the amount was rather big.

And the man, as we managed to find out, when he was pinned to the wall by the threat of exposure in the company, took them to ... a young student. He recovered and, miraculously avoiding death, decided to shake the old days. Naturally, having tasted a young body.

I’m thinking: “What if the operation ended badly? Who would look after the "vegetable"? Who would bury him? Is this a student? That's the same ... Willy-nilly you'll think about it.

“Darling, give me something so that I exclaim “Wow, Lexus!” - for many women, this joke causes only a sad smile. How to make a man look into our happy eyes, and not at the price tags?

Natalya Tolstaya, a psychotherapist, author of five best-selling books, and host of the weekly Psychological Advice program on the Russia.ru Internet TV channel, talks about what to do if a man is “embarrassed” to spend money.

We are still talking about love, so let's change the question: "How to make a man want to give a woman pleasant surprises?" The main task of a woman is not to “unwind” a man, but to stimulate his desire to be attentive and caring. We know that the artist Pirosmani starved to death after spending all his money on a million scarlet roses. They wrote a song about him, but what was the result? Who is happy in this situation? Perhaps the composer after the issuance of the fee? There was a song, but life was cut short. It is unlikely that your chosen one will want to repeat this feat.

Of course, the more a man loves, the more he shows such a quality as generosity. That is why many enchanted men at the beginning of the novel endow their chosen one with jewelry and trips to expensive restaurants - just so as not to hear “no”. A strange pattern is born: the miser themselves bring up bitches. After a while, a woman communicates with him exclusively on a wave of whims and ultimatums - if you don’t buy, I’ll leave. So love is replaced by ordinary blackmail. One - is greedy for its own reasons, the other - requires attention not in words, but in deeds. Vicious circle. What to do?

1. Don't be naughty and say "must" instead of "I want"

If you want a gift, don't be silent. A loved one is not a “wizard in a blue helicopter” who reads your mind. As a rule, the word “must” works flawlessly: “Darling, I need to give money for shoes / dress / dishwasher, install air conditioning.” The word “must” is more likely to be heard than the word “want”. Be sure to explain why you need a dishwasher.

A man wants to hear a specific request, and not “if only, if only” ... He will say “yes”, well, this is a holiday! "No" - don't take it personally. This attitude is not about you personally, but about money. Either you agree with this situation, or you say: “Your rules worked when you lived alone, since we are together, then you should allocate some part of the income for the household and for some emotions, except for satisfying hunger and watching movies on DVD ".

Ideally, a certain amount should be kept at home - a stash, which for the time being is not allowed to touch. Then, the second pile - "intercept", that is, everyday, and then - in the wallet of your husband and you. They do not need to be counted. A very handy thing for a miserly man is a credit card. It is more difficult to part with rustling papers than to “roll” a card and sign a check. Believe me, it is much easier to say goodbye to your money for someone for whom cash is an indicator of success, freedom, security, strength, potency and the ability to control any situation.

2. Lead by Example

Take the first step forward. Somehow give your man a nice “thing” or his favorite cheese, ice cream, or just buy products to cook his favorite dish. While cooking, say: "See, I care about you, I want to do something nice - I will cook what you love." You have to say it out loud. After a while, the man will have a reflex, he will want to do something in response. Be interested in his hobbies and "connect" to yours to the maximum. Perhaps he is “greedy” with emotions. Yes, you can start with them!

3. Don't let him laugh it off

In mid-sentence, stop the phrase: "Your best present is me." Coming home for your birthday without flowers? Don't let him laugh it off. Say, looking into your eyes: “Do you think this is normal? Let's shoot take two - you go out, and I

I'll be waiting for you with a bouquet in 15 minutes." During this time, put on a dress and high-heeled shoes (if you haven’t worn it before). And you are waiting for it. If he does not return, then "ce la vie" - draw your own conclusions!

4. Stop Mom's Influence

Most likely, your man was pressured by his mother. Mothers of boys and mothers of girls raise their children differently. Sometimes the same woman with a growing son and daughter says different things to her children. Quite often, we women say to our sons: “Don’t let her twist ropes out of you, don’t spoil her.” These verbal codes become blocks in your cash flow. If a mother did not teach her son to give gifts to women, then sometimes a man needs to be told in plain text: “Your mother is not the only woman on the planet, there are still women, in particular me, and I have a different opinion on this matter - I want attention or go, keep living with your mom."

5. Sanitize his brain!

There are men who are used to living a bachelor life, they have everything for everyday life - one roll of toilet paper, one cup, saucer. Of course, it is very difficult for these philosophers to let a stranger, albeit a loved one, into their world, not to mention their wallet. We need to sanitize the brain. Complete dry cleaning. The one who does not know how to spend money should be shown a budget sheet: “You earn so much, I earn so much. Here is the total amount, of which we spend on the main thing - payment of utilities, food; then we spend a certain amount on travel, and set aside the other part in the category “stock of your solvency”.

6. Don't be easy prey

You need to constantly be unconquered and "not completely" conquered. As soon as you become a "read book", you immediately enter into a position - "Yes, we will not go to a restaurant, because I will cook it myself", "Yes, we will not go to the cinema, the money will be safer." You need to state it directly: “We must have time for fun. You and I will save, but without fanaticism. We need to travel, we need to seek new adventures. There will not be enough money for trips abroad, we will travel around our native country.”

7. "Decipher the dream"

Many men say - "While you do not have enough money, you run around and cook soup for me, when you have enough of everything, you will be rude and sad." He is afraid that She will get used to it and every month the amount “for her beloved” will increase. Many men like to whine long and drawn out on the topic: “she begged for money so much that she “broke my soul on my knee.” And, again, justify your desire! Once you hit a tough nut, then decipher your dream to him, be as specific as possible.

Often a woman forgets to weigh her words and gives out from the threshold: “Again, I came without anything, who am I to you - a free night butterfly or a cook?” And he comes to you because he thinks that you are waiting for him. So another complex is born in his head!

9. Feel free to remind

A very good sign is to see a stack of money in his hands. Come up, hug and whisper in your ear: “What a great fellow you are! I inspired you! Recently I have looked at such a beautiful ring, please buy it. If he says “no”, then three days before your own birthday, go and remind him - I have a holiday in three days, don’t forget to drop by the store and buy me a ballpoint pen or a toy mouse in the passage, and at the same time buy me a vibrator - I’ll be there for a week greedy for affection."

10. Earn on "pins" yourself!

If your favorite is economical to the point of heartburn, you will have to earn money for knick-knacks on your own. Try to ask for large and very expensive things. Surprisingly, it is he who can buy a car or a computer. Do you know why? He sees the fruits of his labor! Now do not forget to express your sincere delight 1000 times. Is it difficult even after six months to write SMS just like that? For example: “Today I got into the car in a downpour, turned on the heater and my favorite music, food, and I think what a fine fellow you are for giving me my Belka! Thank you again, my heart!"

12. Occasionally use heavy artillery

Sometimes you can use female artillery - tears. He brought some rubbish from the sale, sit quietly in a corner and casually mutter: “That's how much I stand in your eyes! You don't buy me gifts without me. I didn’t live curly and I don’t want to get used to it. We, my friend, are not rich enough to buy useless things of dubious quality that will become worthless after 3 washes. Buy decent things for yourself, maybe after that you will understand how nice it is to go out into people in what you really like.

12. Do not scare the scope of acquisitions!

Do not frighten him with global amounts, especially at the beginning of his purchasing feat. Collect yourself a stash, and ask him for half the necessary cash. Rejoice like a child, bought things. Kiss him from head to toe, bathe in happiness (don't forget to throw away the receipt and packing bag beforehand)

12. Change the role!

He may simply be afraid of not being pleased with a gift. Remove the phrase "I myself" from the lexicon. Flirt and inflate your lips, climb on the handles and ask for "Navel". He can find the strength to refuse the “housewife” or “commander Kutuzov in your face”, but he is unlikely to offend the “baby”. Remember how young chicks take pot-bellied daddies shopping. What do they take, do you know?

Natalia Tolstaya

Male greed is a fairly common phenomenon that affects a large number of women. As a rule, it is impossible to fight this character trait, therefore it is quite reasonable, at the first suspicion of the stingy inclinations of your chosen one, to hastily retire from among his entourage. But, there are also such male representatives who, despite pathological greed, are still able to pamper their lady of the heart with gifts.

Signs of a greedy man

He does not spare money for himself and spends it with pleasure, provided that the purchase will be personally useful to him. Therefore, you should not be guided by "clothing", as a mean man can look quite presentable. Such a subject does not save on himself, but when the situation forces him to fork out for gifts and things that do not bring him joy, then all the signs of his greedy nature appear.

Under no circumstances will he make a gift without a reason, even the most inexpensive and insignificant. This type will not miss the opportunity, albeit in a playful way, to comment on the high prices at the restaurant where you went to meet friends. He also often talks about money, but not in terms of ways to increase earnings, but discussing where and how much he had to pay.

He is inclined to give only those gifts that will be useful to him. For example, instead of flowers and a cute plush toy, he presents his beloved with wine and sweets, which he himself will enjoy.

Likes to get everything for free. Searching for discounts, free entertainment and the like, spends a lot of time. He also prefers to constantly calculate, figure out and seeks to gain even in small things. If he is lucky enough to buy a loaf of bread in one of the stores for a ruble cheaper than anywhere else, he will be incredibly happy about this fact, constantly remembering this “extraordinary luck”.

Reluctantly changes large bills. For example, in transport, in a cafe, in a store, in a nightclub, he may ask if you have small money, because, you see, he “does not want to change a hundred.”

He makes gifts, but then for a long time remembers these moments, emphasizing his rare "generosity".

Never leave a tip to a waiter in a cafe or restaurant.

Experienced psychologists say that a greedy man is fundamentally different from a mean man. What is the difference? In some cases, male stinginess manifests itself as an unwillingness to part with money to acquire useless and unnecessary, in his opinion, things. For example, he does not agree to buy a dress you like in a store. But in the meantime, it fills your fridge full of delicacies or makes expensive repairs in your apartment. If a man is greedy in precisely this way, then this is not the worst variant of the manifestation of stinginess.

How to test a man for greed, being at the first stage of a romantic relationship

It is not only possible, but also very necessary to recognize male miserliness in a timely manner. Start checking small. Do not miss the opportunity with your chosen one to admire some not too expensive trinket that you saw in a shop window while walking with him. Passing by a flower shop, inform, as if by chance, what flowers you are not indifferent to. It is quite possible that he will not react instantly and will not buy everything that you liked - you should not draw hasty conclusions about him, since it is possible that today he simply did not have enough money with him. But if a man is generous and attentive, then a pleasant surprise awaits you a little later and, perhaps, more than one.

Rely on your own intuition in matters of male greed, and it will not let you down! Demand from your man only what he is able to give you and, based on this, decide whether this type of relationship suits you. It is unreasonable to demand diamonds from a man who lives on the modest salary of an office worker. But it’s completely stupid to endure next to the owner of a heavy wallet who comes on a date without bothering to buy even a modest bouquet of flowers or any other pleasant trifle.

Why do men get greedy

The main reason for male greed is a strict upbringing in childhood or the example of a father who was not very generous towards his mother.

Selfishness and pronounced selfishness. In this case, the man does not skimp on spending money on himself, but his woman is unlikely to expect expensive and frequent gifts.

Poverty or lack of funds in the past. Perhaps a man is overly frugal for the reason that the family in which he grew up was constantly in need of something, so now he seeks to save as much money as possible for a rainy day so that his current or future family does not need anything .

A man lives in the future, forgetting about the present. Sometimes the heads of families are so absorbed in the process of saving money for a car, an apartment, or something else that, for the sake of their goal, they neglect the needs of their loved ones.

Relationship insecurity. If a man is not sure that your relationship with him will last for a long time, then he can reason like this: “I don’t know her well, perhaps we won’t succeed in anything serious, so I won’t spend money on her for now.” Such an approach seems to be reasonable, but somehow too unpleasant. It is a pity that for some reason men do not realize that such a scenario of behavior today is unlikely to lead to a happy joint future tomorrow.

Fears and complexes. Men, in order to justify their greed, like to say: “I want you to appreciate and love me for who I am.” And, as a rule, it is precisely those who do not have a penny for their souls that voice it. Men who managed to achieve and achieve something in this life do not suffer from such complexes. But nature has laid down that women from time immemorial fell in love with the achievements and results of men's activities.

Misunderstanding of women's hints. Perhaps you think your man is greedy in vain. After all, the problem may lie only in the fact that he simply does not realize that you need gifts, flowers, surprises, and your hints are so veiled that for a man they seem like a real puzzle. Just tell him directly about your needs and desires, and after his reaction to what was said, draw conclusions.

Are there effective methods to combat male miserliness?

If you have come to the conclusion that the man who is now next to you is a real greedy man, then you can correct his behavior, but for this you need to have a lot of patience and a desire to take the situation into your own hands.

Firstly, at the stage of acquaintance and first meetings, women themselves sometimes extinguish the desire of men to be generous suitors, for inexplicable reasons refusing chic gifts, visiting expensive restaurants, and thereby accustoming the gentleman to the idea that you can do without all this. So, dear representatives of the fair sex, down with excessive modesty!

Secondly, tell your greedy that he is your most generous, understanding, caring. If he truly loves and cherishes you, he will not want to fall from the pedestal on which you have so confidently erected. Praise is the thing that really works! Praise a man, and he will do his best to match the characteristics that you assigned him.

Third, let the man feel the difference between your good mood and the chagrin that you may experience due to the lack of proper attention from him. It is important that your good mood brings him special joy. Make sure that he is careful not to refuse you the fulfillment of desires, because this will affect your mood and, of course, your relationship with him.

Always be grateful for gifts from him, do not skimp on kind words, but measure your gratitude to the man for the attention he has received. You should not be equally happy with a soft toy and a mink coat, otherwise ... from now on you will only receive teddy bears.

Convinced stingy men are not amenable to re-education, especially if you started the educational process after such a man became your lawful husband. Of course, feelings are not measured in crisp bills, but a miserly husband is unlikely to be a joy to you. Happiness to you and generous gifts and attention of men!

I am dating a man, he lives in Germany (Russian). We see each other about once a month. The problem is that I'm afraid to connect my life with a person, because it seems to me that he is an inveterate miser, and in everything. He has an excellent job, earns a lot, but at the same time he dresses very simply, when she came to visit him in Germany, she saw that she lives simply, cheap furniture, plumbing ... Gifts have to be beaten out of him in the literal sense of the word, he can say that I bought it, and then fly to Ukraine and say that I forgot the gift at home, or buy not a crocodile bag, as we agreed, but a llama wallet, while making round eyes when I get angry. When I order perfumes, he buys the smallest volumes. In restaurants, I order everything without any problems, and he saves on himself. It's terribly annoying. He promises me to buy a car, an apartment, and then he stupidly forgets. Terribly deduces: constant promises, and then a frost. Somehow he brought earrings with bryuliks, showed them in a box, said he would give them in the evening, and left without giving them to me ... I kept silent, he didn’t remember them like that anymore ... And there are quite a lot of similar situations. I do not know what to do. Help, how to re-educate him? What to do?! If I leave him (it was far more than once), calls, asks for forgiveness, says that he understood everything and everything will be as I want, but everything repeats again ... The man is 37 years old, and everything looks like a fool ... I beg you, do not ignore my letter !

Katerina, Kyiv, 18 years old / 05.01.13

Opinions of our experts

• Alyona

  Katerina, due to age and upbringing, you probably just don’t know yet that wealthy men don’t invest in mistresses that they use a couple of days a month. It's unprofitable. You are unlikely to get a car, an apartment and diamonds from your 37-year-old "burgher". Judging by your letter, he is not a fool at all and has long understood what you are worth and what your “love” is worth. You do not need to rack your brains and decide the Hamlet question whether to connect fate with this man or not. If he really is a practical person, he himself will not call you in marriage - you are too actively trying to get into his pocket, being just a mistress. And you will not be able to re-educate him - you have different weight categories both in terms of life experience and intellect. Almost certainly he just hangs noodles on your ears. A successful businessman with a great job and a big salary? Do you know this for sure or from his words? What is "earns a lot" - by the standards of Kyiv or Munich? Or is it by the standards of an 18-year-old girl "from Ukraine" who does not yet know how to do anything and does not work? After all, a man can fool you with promises of gifts, not even because he is not ready to spend money on you, but because in reality he does not have the opportunities that he tells you about. It's obvious that he's bullshitting you, but the question is, to what extent is he honest with you at all? If a wealthy person buys cheap furniture and plumbing for himself, then he is either really too obsessed with savings, or ... or he is not as wealthy as he says, because no one has yet canceled the wise proverb: “we are not so rich to buy cheap things". In general, whatever it was, but you're wasting your time. There is no one to re-educate here, the boy has grown up a long time ago, so 15-20 years earlier than you, and he knows exactly what he is doing and what he does not want to do and will not do. And if someone plays the role of a “fool” in your couple, it’s you, if you still haven’t understood that you won’t hatch these golden eggs and won’t become the wife of a successful new burgher. At 18, it’s better to think about your education and to have something else in your head besides the desire to get a 200 ml perfume from duty free, a crocodile bag, a car and an apartment from a lover. 18 years old and a young body that can be sold for clothes, displacement or square meters, you will not always have, but a smart head and a profession in demand will remain with you until old age.

• Sergey

  Katerina, believe me, a person who looks like a fool, but has everything he wants, is far from being a fool. Unlike a young stupid girl who considers herself the navel of the universe, but who is corny like a Papuan for a couple of beads and a bag of promises. And all because the girl is not only stupid, but also greedy and mercantile. And as Okudzhava once wrote - “a greedy man does not need a knife, you show him a copper penny and do with him what you want.” That's what they do with you. By the way, Bulat Shalvovich said everything about fools and braggarts in the same song. Read at your leisure, maybe it will help. Unfortunately, there isn't much to recommend here. You need to get smarter and grow up, and this takes at least time. But it will also be nice to think about what you are doing and why. Now it doesn't look very good. Note that instead of learning and raising your own level, you meet once a month with a man much older than you, whom you do not love and respect, and whose only value is living in Europe and mythical well-being. That is, you are corny trying to sell your body for a car and an apartment in prosperous Germany. Considering that a normal two-room apartment in Berlin can be found for 40 thousand Euros, and a good car for 10 thousand, then your cost is only 50,000 euros. Cheap. By the way, since you are not distinguished by moral scrupulousness, than waiting for something incomprehensible from your overgrown boyfriend, maybe it’s better to become a prostitute and just earn those 50 thousand in a couple of years. All the same, you are doing about the same thing now, only the income is incomparably smaller. As for a possible future with this man, just take my word for it - it is impossible to buy a happy family life. To endure a life together, you need to love your partner. Well, at least respect him a lot. You don't see it. In addition, if a man wanted to live with you, he would live, and not come once a month when he “itched”. Therefore, I would suggest that you stop doing nonsense. You are completely wasting your time. As for answering questions, I advise you to remember for the future that 37-year-old men do not change and it is impossible to re-educate them. Especially if a young fool is trying to do this, not understanding that she is simply being manipulated as they want. The answer to the second question, I think, I have already given. In my opinion, you should end this connection as soon as possible and not waste your time.