I do not like but how to say. I do not love you anymore. How do you say goodbye to an ex-lover? Fake pregnancy method

It happens that we cannot reciprocate a person, respond to his feelings. How to explain this so that the answer sounds delicate for the lover and at the same time convincing? Psychologist, psychotherapist of the Moscow center "Psychodynamics" Marina Yuryevna Stradateleva answers the readers' questions.

Everyone takes risks

“One person is courting me - he has serious intentions. But I have nothing but sympathy for him. How can I explain this so that he doesn't get too upset? After all, it is known that the unrequited can bring a lot of suffering.

When it comes to romantic relationships, everyone takes risks. Expressing his sympathy to a woman, a man risks being rejected. A woman in love may be in the same situation. Everyone has an equal chance here.

Empathizing with the unfortunate gentleman, we kind of take responsibility for his pain. We blame ourselves for not being able to accept his courtship. In fact, any man understands that it is not possible to build relationships with every woman he likes. That's the way the world works. And no one is to blame.

Moreover, trying to express your sympathy to a man who is unrequitedly in love with you, you can seriously offend him. Because your position is purely maternal. This is a mother's sympathy for her little son. Let you not love a person, but do not deny him respect.

The best answer to a declaration of love is an honest answer. Find out, first of all, for yourself how you feel about this person. Do you think a relationship with him is possible. If not, then you should say so. Do not chop, as they say, the tail in parts. Men love specificity. Of course, no one says that you need to be sharp, rude. Just explain that there are no feelings and there is no hope that they will appear.

There is no definite "no"

“A man is taking care of me. I told him many times that there could be nothing between us. But he still continues to give flowers, gifts. What can be done to stop all these signs of attention on his part?

- A man in love can continue courtship, because he does not receive an unequivocal "no" from his lady's heart. She rejects him, but he feels that she is not one hundred percent sure of her answer. Something in her behavior leaves him hope for reciprocity. A woman can behave this way simply because she likes courtship. You don't like a man, but you like courtship. She sometimes does not even realize these nuances herself and is quite sincerely perplexed why he does not lag behind.

Therefore, in order for the annoying gentleman to disappear from view, it is sometimes enough to simply ask yourself: do I really want this? And honestly answer this question for yourself.

Another variant. The woman convincingly and in detail explained that she was happily married, that she loved her husband, that she did not need anyone. But the effect is zero. The man still continues his courtship. How to be here?

Perhaps a man does not hear you because he does not really need you. Yes Yes. There are men who easily fall in love with a fictional image. He inspires them, allows you to experience vivid emotions of love. And they don't need anything else. And if a woman herself is in love and happy, then she becomes especially attractive to such men.

What to do in such a situation? I think we should treat the suffering of a romantic with understanding. Suddenly, under the influence of this love, some brilliant work will arise, and your image will be forever imprinted in marble or poetry?

Tell me what's wrong?

“One person asked me - why can't I love him? I tried to explain. Now he floods me with messages with reports on the work done on himself. And what - maybe he will succeed, having changed, to conquer my heart?

- A common misconception. The old wise proverb says: "Not good for good, but good for good." Love is either there or not. Sometimes it happens that we see the shortcomings of a man and still love him. And at the same time, a person who consists entirely of virtues may not awaken this feeling in us at all. Therefore, even if a man manages to remake himself according to your order, it is not a fact that he will be able to win your heart.

In addition, it is hardly possible to change yourself to please someone. A person must change as he gains life experience, changes his worldview. Otherwise, it will not be a profound change, but rather a pretense.

Therefore, if there is no love, then the man should be answered that way. Don't try to remake it for yourself.

In addition, by talking about the fan's shortcomings, you seem to be trying to shift the responsibility for the situation to him. Make him feel guilty. Like, it's your own fault that I don't love you. And this, as you know, is unfair.

Time for reflection

“I like one person. I'm interested in him, fun. But I don't think it's love. And he loves me. Gives gifts, arranges dates. It turns out that I lead him by the nose?

- Sometimes it is difficult to understand yourself, to understand exactly how you feel about a man. And in this case, the best way out is to say everything frankly. “I like you, I have fun with you. But if I love you, I still can’t understand. I need time".

There is no need to blame yourself for not experiencing strong reciprocal feelings. It's not your fault. Besides, who told you that in your couple, the man occupies a less advantageous position? In fact, it is not known which of you is happier. A man who loves, and these feelings inspire him, give strength, give. Or you, who probably enjoy courtship, but there is no firework of emotions.

There are people for whom unrequited love is not such a painful thing. They already know how to rejoice in the fact that they can see a loved one, communicate with him.

By the way, one simple technique can help a woman understand herself. Imagine that your fan leaves somewhere far away and, most likely, you will never see him again. Represented? Now think about how you felt

Ekaterina Kovaleva

How to explain to him, how to say that love has passed? How can he understand that love is gone? How to explain that love is no more?

Flowers of love wilted in your heart. And you understand that nothing can be returned. There was a time when you melted away from feelings. Now it's the other way around. You feel like the Snow Queen. And your "snowiness" torments you, day by day, more and more. You are winter. How difficult it is to be a winter when spring is ahead. But March, April and May understand you.

"I do not love you anymore". How to say goodbye to an ex-lover?

You no longer love the one to whom you swore eternal love. Don't blame yourself: you didn't lie to him. It all happened so suddenly that you yourself did not have time to really understand anything. This is of little concern to you at the moment. Most of all, you are puzzled by how to tell a man that love has cooled down, ended, passed, ceased to live and exist.

"I do not love you anymore". - Afraid to say? Don't wanna hurt? How to say goodbye to your ex-lover? - You select, combine, mentally, the words, but you understand that they are not the same at all. They get confused and you, being captured by verbal cobwebs, do not know where to put yourself and your frozen heart. You hear his exciting and disturbing knock, but you no longer feel a drop of love.

Do you think he doesn't notice? He does not want to notice your "cooling" towards him. So, he is trying to delay the moment of a frank conversation, in which words will sound that can hurt and kill.

"I don't love anymore." How to say that love is gone? How can he understand that love is gone?

How to explain that love is no more? - Do not need his kisses, hugs, his tenderness. You regret that, once, everything started at all. No, not that you regret it. You felt good being around him. But everything is gone. And you didn't think this would happen. The past cannot be reversed. It will remain beyond the horizon of lived days, and you will not change it in any way. But on the other hand, you can change the present, which directly affects the future. Tell him everything like it is! Everything, without concealment, in detail. No one said or wrote anywhere that it was easier to do this. But you have to do it, otherwise... The further - the more terrible, more painful, worse.

If you are going to simply, without explanation, disappear from his life, it will be very unfair. You don't want everything to come back to you like a boomerang. And so, in general, it happens. Not everyone, of course, but it happens. And no one knows what will become that "not lucky" who will see the boomerang face to face.

How to say goodbye to an ex-lover? - The written version is also an option. You can not look for poetic rhyme. And prose is suitable for this kind of recognition. Do not write the words of parting on the mirror, in the bathroom, with lipstick. Reading this information, right on your reflection, is even harder than parting. And don't leave a note on the bedside table. You've seen how they did it in the movies. But why do like everyone else?

Another option is also practiced, when girls ask their friends to be intermediaries and tell everything for them. It is clear: it is difficult and scary to talk about such “bad luck of fate”. A friend (or friends), of course, will not be able to refuse help. But, nevertheless, it is best if you do this without anyone's "effective" help.

If you doubt that love has disappeared without a trace and for good - take your time, think it over as it should. Tell him everything when you get real confidence in everything. Otherwise, dear, you can ruin everything by hurting yourself and him. You think you can come back if you understand. What's wrong with not loving him? Is conscience enough? Feelings are not a computer game. You can't play with them.

Send him a message on his cell phone. But remember the softness of words. Sharpness and harshness will cause "separate" pain to the one to whom you are going to send the fatal "text message". But also avoid "diminutiveness" so as not to give him any hope that you will be with him someday.

There is a question in your eyes: “what if, after a few years, with a chance meeting, feelings return?”. Firstly, you cannot claim that you will meet, and, even more so, by pure chance. Secondly, your heart will already be occupied by a completely different person. And the one to whom you finally confess your dislike will remain in the waves of your memories.

Don't stir up the past, leave it where it's supposed to be. You will meet him, sometime, after separation .... Try to give it away. She will help him understand that you have long been strangers, and that you are not destined to become closer.

He will ask: "why?".- Answer. Put everything in its place. Can't make it hurt. No matter how you follow the words. But, if you put off the pain for another day, it will intensify and get stronger.

Say the words of parting in song. Call, bring the “sound” of the song you have chosen to the handset. In order for the song to be able to convey to him what you want to say, look for and listen carefully to all the songs that relate to the theme of parting. Listening to the song, he will understand everything. You will not hear or see the expression of his sad face. But you will feel in your heart how uncomfortable he is.

Tell him everything, don't be silent. You feel sorry for yourself, because you understand how difficult it is to say sharp words. Have pity on him too: do not leave him in complete ignorance of everything that is happening. Stay, in his wounded memory, honest and decent. When you let go, don't hurt. It won't be easy for him either.

There will be tears. Both in his eyes and in yours. There will be a sea of ​​tears! But they will help, by themselves, to alleviate what so torments souls. You are not destined to be together and walk, hand in hand, along the path of life. You made up your mind that way. And the fact that he is against your decision will not help him in any way. He needs support and help. Most likely not yours, because he cannot see you. He wants, he dreams, he wants, but he cannot.

He will tear, in your presence, your own photo. He will scream, swear, call names. Do not heat up the situation: do not answer the same. Everything happened the way it happened. You told him everything. There is nothing to add. Go away and don't get mad at his behavior. If you were them, you would behave much more unrestrainedly.

"I do not love you anymore". And he loves you very much, and you should take this into account. Don't walk, blade or knife point, according to his bloodied senses. Words of consolation, at this moment, will not help: he will listen to them, but will not hear. So don't say anything. Go away, leave him alone if he doesn't go away. Breathe a sigh of relief, you did what you wanted.

P continuation follows:

Today you decided to break up with your boyfriend. Your dream "consists" in the fact that tomorrow he was considered your next ex.

The words “I don’t love you” and “goodbye” are always very difficult to say. I’ll tell you how I managed to cope with this very “not simple” task and say these words.

How to say “goodbye” and “I don’t love” a once loved person?

From personal life

I was seventeen. I met a wonderful guy (he seemed like that to me then). We dated for a year and a half, we were going to get married. But then he somehow changed dramatically. He began to drink, wildly jealous of everyone .... I endured for a long time, but patience burst like an unfortunate balloon. I made a decision: “I will part with him tomorrow in the morning!”. But she couldn't. And everything was carried over to the next morning. I explained that it was time to end the relationship. And he cried, and said that he would commit suicide if I did not return to him. I was frightened, of course, but I no longer saw the slightest sense in returning. It may be cruel, but I simply said: “Andrey, goodbye! I don't love you anymore!" Then I ran into a passing trolley bus…. For another six months, he ran after me, but I did not give up. Then he got married, and I was able to breathe with peace.

To the second I said goodbye in a different way

This time, the advice of my beloved mother helped a lot. She told me to “confess” to my unconventional orientation. It was possible to apply the "method" much earlier (still in parting with Andryukha). But then I did not dare to do so.

Action plan

And so…. The “same” moment has arrived! Marat and I spent a wonderful night. Then another. Then they celebrated his thirtieth birthday. During this time, I have carefully developed a plan of action. I persuaded my girlfriend to write me messages on my mobile (“corresponding content”). Kirochka did her best. Everything was written so realistically that I myself believed in every line, in every word. Then I found the right time and told the guy that everything was over between us. It was hard to say goodbye. To me, especially. I am a very “thin-skinned” person, however! Marat did not believe in my "lesbianism". He laughed sincerely! So I had to show "SMS - proof". Then all his laughter stopped. Emotions almost turned into tearfulness. I don't know how he managed! But he left with dignity: quietly and silently.

Breakup is a little death

I figured it out after a few breakups. I decided that I would not break anyone's hearts anymore. But she did not renounce, because she knew that anything could happen in life. And in this I was not mistaken. Because six months later I met another man, a young one. Everything was great and wonderful. It's like I'm in a fantasy world. I thought I had found Earring for life. But I’m so arranged that I don’t know how to be with one man for a long time! I had to cut all ties with him. Hurt! But I achieved it. Said there was no more love. But "farewell" a little later said. Chat message! Most likely, the courage was not enough to say the word "live" .... Then we crossed paths a couple more times (in the apartment of a mutual friend). And recently he wrote a message to the phone. On business. He asked if I still had a SIM - a card that he once gave me. I replied that she was lost. Well, I continued to write. Seryozha cut it off himself. Apparently in order not to "tickle" the past. I see that he is unlikely to be friends with me.

There were more separations... But I will not describe the stories themselves. I will write only the methods, guided by which I put the “points” in the relationship ...

Ways to say goodbye to an ex

Complete ignore method

Let the boy call, write, ask for a meeting .... And you refuse or at all are silent. As if you do not hear a call to a mobile or at the front door.

Method of "special" treason

Implementing it is very easy! Adjust the betrayal and make sure that the “process” can be seen by the young man. It is not good to do this, but it will be necessary if there is nothing else “in reserve”.

The method of "creepy coldness"

Say fatal words and leave the guy very quickly. Because there is a phrase that you yourself will continue: “a long farewell ....”. A guy will forgive if he truly loves or loved.

Method "A call that consists of tear rivers"

Find a song that has these words. Choose the lines you want. Cut them out with a special program. Dial the number of the "former" loved one. Let me hear what you have prepared. No strength to do so? "Ememesku" fill with song content. Throw away your SIM card and change your phone number.

Fake pregnancy method

Pretend you got pregnant by another person. When you see the anger that comes from a person, "speak" these most unfair words in your life! But immediately “turn off” your own heart. He (your boyfriend) can touch you, and you tell the whole truth to him. Then the whole plan will fail and not come true.

How do I tell a guy that I don't want to date him?

Introduce him to your current boyfriend or spouse. But make sure that the acquaintance does not end with a “scuffle”. This breakup never ends well. I remember how and how it ended for me. I will try to describe everything briefly so as not to bore you too much.

From personal experience

Divorced with husband. Met someone else. Husband (former) found out that I have someone appeared. Apparently, he wanted the guy to acquire a similar “status”. I arrived with a bouquet of wild flowers (the bouquet pleased me with its appearance, of course). He was on his knees, crying, begging me to come back. I did not take the bouquet, but expressed all the words (censored). My boyfriend came out. The ex-husband said: "choose." Naturally, I made a choice in favor of the boy, whom I managed to fall in love with to the point of madness. But the hubby did not calm down even then. He asked me to think. He wrote for a long time (both in ICQ and on the phone) how much he loves me, and how he regrets the divorce. My soul sank. It's a pity the poor thing! After all, he himself is to blame for the divorce ....