Jokes - pictures, video jokes, funny stories and anecdotes. Funny story about male depilation

22.06.2019

I accidentally came across an article on the Internet, I was lying under the table laughing, I wish you the same!

About how I did the epilation of eggs

After being told that my balls looked like an old rastaman, I decided to take the plunge and buy this depilatory gel because my previous attempts at shaving hadn't been very successful, plus I almost killed my back trying to get and reach especially hard-to-reach places. I'm a little romantic, so I decided to make this for my wife's birthday - like another gift.
I ordered the gel in advance. Since I work in the North Sea, I considered myself a tough guy and thought that the previous reviews of the gel were written by some pathetic office rats ... oh, my fellow sufferers, how wrong I was. I waited until my other half went to bed and, hinting at a special surprise, I went to the toilet. At first everything went fine. I applied the gel to the right places and waited. And I waited very quickly.
At first I felt warmth, which after a few seconds was replaced by a strong burning sensation and a feeling that I can only compare with the feeling when barbed wire panties are pulled sharply on you, while trying to throw you up to the ceiling. Until this evening I had not been very religious, but at that moment I could believe in any god, if only he would save me from a terrible burning sensation around the shit and the complete destruction of a sausage and two eggs. Trying not to bite through my lower lip, I tried to wash off the gel in the sink, but I only managed to stuff a tuft of hair into the hole.
Through a veil of tears, I got out of the toilet and went to the kitchen. I could no longer walk in the kitchen, so I was already crawling the last meters to the refrigerator. Rolling out the lower chamber from the refrigerator, I found a tray of ice cream there, tore off the lid from it and put it under me. The relief was fantastic but short-lived because the ice cream quickly melted and the hellish burning sensation returned.
The bath was quite small, so I could not help the butt hole. I began to rummage through the box, hoping to find at least something - there were already so many tears in my eyes that I could not see much. I grabbed the bag, which I later learned contained frozen bean sprouts, and tore it open, trying to do it as quietly as possible. I grabbed a few sprouts and unsuccessfully tried to pinch them between my buttocks. This did not help - the gel, along the way, penetrated into the rectum, and now it was as if a jet engine was working there.
I hope I never dream of having a gay snowman in the kitchen again - do you understand how low I was willing to sink to ease the pain? The only solution my pain-maddened brain came up with was to carefully shove a single bean sprout where no plant had yet sprouted.
Unfortunately, after hearing strange moans from the kitchen, my wife decided to get up and find out what was wrong. She was greeted by a stunning sight: I'm lying on the floor, otkjativat ass, from which strawberry ice cream flows, and shoving beans into myself with the words "Oh, how good." This undoubtedly shocked her, and she screamed in horror. I didn’t hear how she entered, so I got scared myself, my intestines contracted a spasm and farted, at the same time, a sprout at a considerable speed flew out in her direction. Yes, I understand that the bean sprout that is farted in her direction at twelve at night is not quite the surprise she was counting on, and the next day the children had to explain at length what happened to the ice cream ... well, thanks gel can lose not only body hair, but also dignity and self-respect in the family!

Review of male depilatory gel.

After being told that my balls looked like an old rastaman, I decided to take the plunge and buy this depilatory gel because my previous attempts at shaving hadn't been very successful, and besides, I almost killed my back trying to get and reach especially hard-to-reach places. I'm a little romantic, so I decided to make this for my wife's birthday - like another gift.
I ordered the gel in advance. Since I work in the North Sea, I considered myself a tough guy and thought that the previous reviews of the gel were written by some pathetic office rats ... oh, my fellow sufferers, how wrong I was. I waited until my other half went to bed and, hinting at a special surprise, I went to the bathroom. At first everything went fine. I applied the gel to the right places and waited. And I waited very quickly.
At first I felt warmth, which after a few seconds was replaced by a strong burning sensation and a feeling that I can only compare with the feeling when barbed wire panties are pulled sharply on you, while trying to throw you up to the ceiling. Until that evening I had not been very religious, but at that moment I could believe in any god, if only he would save me from a terrible burning sensation around the shit and the complete destruction of a sausage and two eggs. Trying not to bite through my lower lip, I tried to wash off the gel in the sink, but I only managed to stuff a tuft of hair into the hole.
Through a veil of tears, I climbed out of the toilet and went to the kitchen. I could no longer walk in the kitchen, so I was already crawling the last meters to the refrigerator. Rolling out the lower chamber from the refrigerator, I found a tray of ice cream there, tore off the lid from it and put it under me. The relief was fantastic but short-lived because the ice cream quickly melted and the hellish burning sensation returned.
The bath was quite small, so I could not help the butt hole. I began to fumble around the box, hoping to find at least something - there were already so many tears in my eyes that I could not see much. I grabbed the bag, which I later learned contained frozen bean sprouts, and tore it open, trying to do it as quietly as possible. I grabbed a few sprouts and unsuccessfully tried to pinch them between my buttocks. This did not help - the gel, along the way, penetrated into the rectum, and now it was as if a jet engine was working there.
I hope I never dream of having a gay snowman in the kitchen again - do you understand how low I was willing to sink to ease the pain? The only solution my pain-maddened brain came up with was to gently shove a single bean sprout where no plant had yet sprouted.
Unfortunately, after hearing strange moans from the kitchen, my wife decided to get up and find out what was wrong. She was greeted by a stunning sight: I'm lying on the floor, my ass is draining strawberry ice cream, and I'm shoving beans into myself with the words "Oh, how good." This, no doubt, shocked her, and she screamed in horror. I didn’t hear her enter, so I got scared myself, a spasm squeezed my intestines, and farted, while the sprout flew out at a considerable speed in her direction. Yes, I understand that the bean sprout that is farted in her direction at twelve at night is not quite the surprise she was counting on, and the next day the children had to explain for a long time what happened to the ice cream ... in general, thanks gel can lose not only body hair, but also dignity and self-respect.

Purely technically, the removal of unwanted vegetation in men is no different from the methods used by women. Only the motives can vary significantly.

The testicular area is one of the most sensitive. It is unlikely that someone will decide to do hair removal there. Neither hot wax nor the use of anesthetic creams will save you from pain shock. That is why it is best to do depilation.

Depilation involves superficial hair removal. In this case, the hair follicles remain untouched. And this means that the procedure will have to be repeated with enviable constancy.

You can use a special cream or mousse for depilation. The elements included in the composition soften the hairs to such an extent that they are easily washed off in the shower. But chemically active substances can cause severe irritation. Therefore, before the total application of such a cream to the testicles, check on a small area.

Another way of depilation is an ordinary shave. This is not as dangerous as in the case of mousse. But after shaving, especially in the first few times, there can be quite unpleasant sensations. And ingrown hairs will be very disturbing.

To minimize trouble, after shaving, it is best to use a hard washcloth on the intimate area. Over time, the skin will get used to such depilation procedures.

Please note that during the first depilation, it is better not to wear too tight underwear. And if possible, it is worth experimenting long before any important event. Ideally, do it on the weekend. The discomfort and itching that may occur will not cause you so much trouble at home. You should not use a razor or cream if you are planning to go on a business trip or you will be driving for a long time.

Please note that the shaving and aftershave products you use may not be suitable. You will treat the most sensitive area of your body where the skin is very delicate and thin. It is better to purchase special cosmetics for intimate places.

If you decide on more radical methods to combat unwanted hairs, epilation, then this procedure is best done in a specialized salon.

The most popular technique

Getting rid of body hair with sugar paste at home is considered the easiest and most affordable method. And there is no difference who conducts depilation - women or men. The only thing is, if you remove vegetation in intimate places, then for men the procedure will be more painful. The male skin of the bikini area is particularly susceptible to any cosmetic manipulations.

It also happens that the egg depilation session is so painful that you have to use anesthetics. With anesthesia, the procedure will be much more comfortable.

Men choose shugaring for hair removal in intimate places, because this technique has the following advantages:

for the preparation of pasta, only natural ingredients are used (sugar and lemon juice);
the possibility of self-sugaring eggs;
small costs;
self-sugaring eggs does not require special skills;
long-term result after the session;
does not cause redness and irritation on the eggs after the session;
harmless and safe.

How necessary is it?

Some men refuse to understand why they need depilation at all, especially in such an intimate place as eggs. Their opinion is based on incomprehensible patterns of behavior. Allegedly, hair removal is a predominantly female topic. In fact, this approach is completely wrong.

There are well-reasoned reasons for depilation of male vegetation in the bikini area, including eggs:

a matter of personal hygiene. It is known that men's sweat has a more tart smell, unlike women's. If you do not get rid of hair in intimate places, then they will literally be saturated with sweat. This is especially felt in the hot season. A well-groomed man first of all takes care of the cleanliness of his body, and depilation is indispensable here;
in some professions there are increased requirements for the cleanliness of the male body. This applies to athletes, actors, models. Such men are in plain sight, so they should look appropriate to their position;
many men do testicle waxing for the sake of their girlfriend, others just like the comfortable state that intimate depilation brings.

There is nothing special or unnatural in male intimate shugaring. After all, no one is surprised when women do depilation. Everything is the same here.

The essence of the procedure

Sugaring eggs in men can be done in a beauty salon or at home. If you have not performed the egg sugaring procedure yourself, then it is advisable to do the first session in salon conditions. In intimate places in men, the skin is too delicate and susceptible to any manipulation. Therefore, you should trust a specialist, and perform the subsequent sessions of egg shugaring on your own.

The whole egg shugaring procedure consists of several stages:

preparation of the skin for depilation;
preparation of sugar paste and necessary tools;
anesthesia (if desired);
application of the paste and subsequent removal along with the hair.

Upon completion of the procedure, a special, restorative care for the treated area of the skin is required. Now more about each stage of egg shugaring.

Training

In order to qualitatively perform shugaring of the intimate area of a man, it is necessary that the length of the hairs be in the range of 5 - 8 mm. This is the optimal length of vegetation at which the hair removal operation is carried out quickly and efficiently.

The skin of the testicles must be prepared for the procedure as follows:

the day before the beauty event, use a soft scrub that will facilitate the procedure. When massaging the skin, the movements should be light, without pressure;
if you perform shugaring at home, then steam the skin before the procedure itself. You can take a bath or stand under a hot shower;
it is impossible to use creams that contain oils before shugaring, because the skin must be absolutely dry;
to degrease the skin of intimate places before depilation, treat them with powder or a special lotion;
you can not sunbathe before the session for a week.

Choose a time for depilation so that you do not have to go anywhere. The skin after the procedure should rest and recover. It is advisable to perform egg sugaring in the evening, or set aside time for the procedure on the weekend.

cooking pasta

Sugar paste for removing vegetation on eggs can be prepared independently, or you can purchase a ready-made version. Of the ready-made products, California sugaring paste is in demand, the price of which varies from 1600 to 2000. The cost depends on the volume of the product that you order and, of course, the seller.

The correct choice or preparation of sugar mass for depilation plays an important role in sugaring. So, California pasta is designed to quickly get rid of vegetation. It contains the same natural ingredients that are present in the homemade product. These are sugar, lemon juice and water. For faster hair removal, additional components have been added to the product, which simultaneously relieve the skin of the eggs from inflammation and nourish it.

When using California, the product affects the lower layers of the epidermis. At the same time, the top layer of the skin remains cool. Pasta is different in density. For the bikini area, a thicker product is usually suitable.

Regardless of which paste you purchased or prepared yourself, the product must be correctly applied to the treated area.

Is anesthesia needed?

Painkillers for the removal of vegetation are used in cases where a person has a too low pain threshold.

If the procedure is performed in the salon, then an experienced master, using skills and professional movements, will save you from hair on the eggs without painkillers, but with minimal pain.

In the case of home shugaring, you can buy a special anesthetic gel. Experts do not advise to hurry with the use of medications. It is better to use the following recommendations that will dull the pain during shugaring:

do not drink coffee and alcohol (even light) before the procedure;
choose the right time for a cosmetic event. This is an evening, before going to bed or a weekend, when you don’t need to rush anywhere;
learn how to breathe properly during the procedure. When removing the paste with hairs, try to inhale (as deeply as possible), and then exhale sharply.

Of course, if the pain is strong, then it is not necessary to endure. The choice of anesthetic when performing shugaring depends on the preferences and individual characteristics of the person.

Applying and removing paste

In order for the procedure for getting rid of vegetation to be successful, it is necessary to correctly apply and then remove the sweet paste.

The paste is applied to dry skin in small portions in the direction opposite to hair growth. This is important: do not confuse, it is against growth.

The sweet mass is removed along with the hairs along the hair growth. If hairs remain on the treated area after removing the paste, then re-applying the product is not recommended. Postpone the next sugaring until the skin is completely restored.

Skin care after the session

After egg sugaring, the treated skin needs rest. Immediately you need to apply a lotion to the skin, which contains an antiseptic. After shugring, the following actions are not recommended during the day:

visits to swimming pools, baths and saunas;
you can not take a bath;
do sport;
moisturize the treated area.

After applying an antiseptic to the treated skin, moisturize the delicate skin of the eggs with a nourishing cream or cream.

Subject to all the rules of sugaring, and the subsequent care of sensitive, treated skin, the procedure will pass quickly and give a lasting result.

The duration of the result after shugaring is about 3 weeks. Although, the hairs will begin to grow by the end of the second week, but they will be almost invisible.

I'll post it for you. well, for myself, since I couldn’t read further, I choked on food, tears flowed and I destroyed the silence of my apartment with loud laughter))) I’ll read it later

Veet depilatory gel review for men. (Recommended reading)

“After I was told that my balls looked like an old rastaman, I decided to take the plunge and buy this gel, because previous attempts at shaving were not very successful, and besides, I almost killed my back trying to reach especially inaccessible places.

I'm a little romantic, so I decided to make this for my wife's birthday - like another gift. I ordered it in advance. Since I work in the North Sea, I considered myself a tough guy and thought that the previous reviews were written by some pathetic office rats...

oh, my fellow sufferers, how wrong I was. I waited until my other half went to bed and, hinting at a special surprise, I went to the bathroom. At first everything went fine. I applied the gel to the right places and waited. And I waited very quickly. At first I felt warmth, which after a few seconds was replaced by a strong burning sensation and a feeling that I can only compare with the feeling when barbed wire panties are pulled sharply on you, while trying to throw you up to the ceiling. Until that evening I had not been very religious, but at that moment I could believe in any god, if only he would save me from a terrible burning sensation around the shit and the complete destruction of a sausage and two eggs. Trying not to bite through my lower lip, I tried to wash off the gel in the sink, but I only managed to stuff a tuft of hair into the hole.

Through a veil of tears, I climbed out of the toilet and went to the kitchen. I could no longer walk in the kitchen, so I was already crawling the last meters to the refrigerator. Rolling out the lower chamber from the refrigerator, I found a tray of ice cream there, tore off the lid from it and put it under me. The relief was fantastic but short-lived because the ice cream quickly melted and the hellish burning sensation returned. - The bath was quite small, so I could not help the butt hole.

I began to fumble around the box, hoping to find at least something - there were already so many tears in my eyes that I could not see much. I grabbed the bag, which I later learned contained frozen bean sprouts, and tore it open, trying to do it as quietly as possible. I grabbed a few sprouts and unsuccessfully tried to pinch them between my buttocks. This did not help - the gel, along the way, penetrated into the rectum, and now it was as if a jet engine was working there. I hope I never dream of having a gay snowman in the kitchen again - do you understand how low I was willing to sink to ease the pain? The only solution my pain-maddened brain came up with was to carefully shove one sprout where no plant had yet grown. Unfortunately, after hearing strange moans from the kitchen, my wife decided to get up and find out what was wrong. She was greeted by a stunning sight: I'm lying on the floor with my ass off, from which strawberry ice cream is dripping, and I'm shoving beans into myself with the words "Oh, how good."

This, no doubt, shocked her, and she screamed in horror. I didn’t hear her enter, so I got scared myself, a spasm constricted my intestines, and a sprout flew out at a considerable speed in her direction. Yes, I understand that the bean sprout that is farted in her direction at twelve at night is not quite the surprise she was counting on, and the next day the children had to explain for a long time what happened to the ice cream ... in general, thanks to Veet, you can lose not only body hair, but also dignity and self-respect))

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