Joint Life with a guy: Surprises and pitfalls. Joint life after divorce. Is it worth to endure for children

You ask the council, and this is wise, but decisions take anyway. Therefore, listen. What they say, and let your conscience in this case tell you how to come further. So that my answer is not messy, I will try to divide it into parts.

1. I think I understand your feelings, I don't mind only, and therefore I sympathize with your pain and torment. And I really want your soul to have calm and peace.

Is it possible to happiness after the divorce?

Well, already happened! There was someone who practically never plans in advance. No, of course, there are people who get married for money or some other purposes and then immediately plans a divorce. But what if you like most of the normal people, loved, met, lived together, cared for each other and suddenly divorce!?

In fact, if we look at the divorce from the point of view of statistics, we will see a huge percentage of divorce.

Are there any such that again together after divorce and happy together?

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We live together after a divorce

The divorce is usually the collapse of the family and all kinds of relationships. Is it possible after a loud rupture to continue to maintain good communication and live together on one territory - a complex question. But what to do, and how to behave in such a situation, if life throws up people new tests and checks? Let's try to figure it out.

Often, the very, notorious, apartment question pushes to joint accommodation.

Life after divorce

Is there any life after? So most often, those who divorced themselves are awake, often with tears, scandal and bad relationship with "former". I want to talk about quite adults in this category, who divorced or parted, remaining in a formal marriage, after 15-30 years of living.

And the reason is generalized one - the crisis of middle age, most often in men. After 40 years.

How to live after a divorce?

It is clear that not everyone is painfully worried about parting with her husband. And, as a rule, those who are younger and are easier and faster with the new status and even find many advantages in it. But how to be the to whom the gap is like a knife in the back?

No, this does not mean that you need to record in the ranks of "breeding" and buy all the new albums of Stas Mikhailov ... Here you see - already smiled, and this is just one banal joke.

How to start living again after the divorce?

Divorce is always hard. And for a woman, and for a man. It is hard when native once a person becomes not only completely strangers, but also an enemy. After all, it is no secret that most often the divorce is accompanied by an unpleasant scene of the section of jointly proven property, the "tightening" of children to their side and other things that leave deep, long non-healing wounds in the shower. Many begin with the mutual hatred, which they bring in their future life.

After the divorce we live together

Definitely - no. No, of course, what this life will be. Then there is no time for psychologists to run. In such a family, the child will not see the harmony and love between the parents and, accordingly, learn real feelings will not.

divided later after 9 months for another 2 years lived and I could not stand it - it was sorry for the time of time and nerves, but now I know exactly the former alcoholics and liars horror! and not.

After the divorce, do you want to be together again?

People, of course, marry after the divorce again. Very many. But we will talk not about many. We will talk about those who come into a new marriage with old partners after the divorce. People's Molver with a widely known expression that "you can not enter twice in the same river", oddly enough, right, because if you carefully read Herodotus, "the waters have entered the second time. "

It happens, people break up, and then find each other to start all over again.

American psychologists call the divorce by the death of relationships. This is true. The couple, resolved on the final parting, as a rule, does not burn with the desire to communicate later. But in our country there are often cases when former spouses have to lead a joint life after a divorce.

Divorce is a serious step. For some, it turns out to be long-awaited deliverance, and someone is going through it as a tragedy.

It is not easy to decide on, and the decision comes not in one hour. Let even bind surrounding relatives and acquaintances. For a woman much more painful when her husband is solved for this step. At the subconscious level, it cannot accept the fact that after the five or ten years of marriage, it turns out to be unnecessary near the person, the father of his children. And it's a shame after a long year to stay alone.

Is it possible to happiness after the divorce?

Well, already happened! There was someone who practically never plans in advance. No, of course, there are people who get married for money or some other purposes and then immediately plans and. But what if you like most of the normal people, loved, met, lived together, cared for each other and suddenly divorce!?

In fact, if we look at the divorce from the point of view of statistics, we will see a huge percentage of divorce.

Life after divorce

Is there life after a divorce? So most often, those who divorced themselves are awake, often with tears, scandal and bad relationship with "former". I want to talk about quite adults in this category, who divorced or parted, remaining in a formal marriage, after 15-30 years of living.

And the reason is generalized one - the crisis of middle age, most often in men. After 40 years.

What can divorce after long-term living together

A marriage life is a complex and thin "mechanism" that can be spoiled with time, and even worse, it can break, that is, will lead spouses to the divorce. I will not talk about the causes of the divorce, but it is worthwhile for what a divorce can lead after long-term living together is of interest both for men and women.

1. Most men are not very worried about the divorce, because they have so dreamed of becoming free and with themselves responsibility for family and children.

How to live after a divorce?

Divorce ... tragedy ... collapse ... misfortune ... and bell beats: "What's next? There, after the divorce? " It is even difficult for you to breathe, because, how not to twist, you turned out to be untenable in your personal life, your destiny ... this can not not hit self-esteem ...

Who am I? Is there now? And what can I do to not break ... After all, the first time after it is necessary to survive - in a moment, on the hour, on the day.

How to go after the divorce

What if, after the divorce, people understand: their separation was a mistake? It would seem that it would be easier here - you need to take steps towards each other, just after all the clarification of relations, mutual accusations and insults and the necessary divorce of judicial procedures to do this is not so simple.

According to the power of emotional experiences, equal to the death of a loved one.

Is it possible after the divorce to come together again and live happily (see

Is it possible after what happened due to the fact that the husband could not and did not want to provide his wife and a small child, because of which his wife and child had to go to her parents in another city for a while.

First you need to imagine the situation how the wife comes to her husband back. What will say when meeting, whether they will solve the problem, or she is ready to forgive everything, without solving anything.

After the divorce, we live together again

The end. You signed up the paper and the relationship in which you have invested so much hopes are officially torn. All stories have different. Someone lived together for decades, and someone is not more than a year. Someone has children, and someone has no. Could be your idea or a partner idea, or you both decided that it would be better. You can feel broken or entered, and maybe both feelings at the same time.

No one comes into marriage with the thought "Well, if anything can always be divorced."

Divorce after 40: how to survive the shock

after 40, the phenomenon is quite frequent, although it is much harder to part at that age than in younger years. Already not to redo the formed personality, I do not want to change the way and the established traditions, it is difficult to abandon everyday habits and common friends. Relations between spouses who are under fifty, have already managed to lose the timely romance and ferventness. They are more like their love, based on mutual understanding, respect, habit, care for grandchildren.

Life after divorce

It happens, husband and wife live in the same apartment and their relationships, like the neighbors on a common communal kitchen. Spouses agree on how they will do repair, who uses the washing machine on Saturday, and who on weekdays are divided by shelves in the fridge and hangers in the hallway. At the same time, there are no scandals, the wife does not plunge salt in the sugar of the ex-husband, and he does not leave the ex-spouse the flood in the bathroom after himself.

Divorce is always a cessation of marriage, but not always the cessation of joint residence and not always the cessation of family life. Moreover, the divorce does not mean that the cross can be put on his personal life. It is possible and as yet! Divorce is just a legally decorated stage in the life, to which you need to be able to adapt.

Sometimes it happens that the former spouses are happy and continue to live together. There are a number of reasons for this, each such couple has its own reasons.

The reasons for which the former spouses live together

Divorce was fictitious

The concept of a fictitious marriage is known to many, but the concept of fictitious divorce is not particularly widespread. However, sometimes spouses are bred to solve some financial and housing issues, but at the same time they retain their family and continue to live together. For example, the cumulative income does not allow them to receive any subsidies, subsidies and other measures of social support.

Such a family is practically no different from the family in which the marriage is not terminated. As a rule, others do not even know that the spouses divorced. On children, such a divorce in no way affects. However, it is necessary to understand that such a cohabitation is not a marriage, so not protected by law.

Divorce was a spelling, rapid

Usually such a divorce happens between young spouses, unfounded children. In the heat of quarrels, they threaten each other to deliver and really give an application to the registry office. In order not to "lose face," there are marriage divorce, but they really do not have intent to truly part.

Such couples continue to live together and sometimes re-draw marriage, for example, in the case of pregnancy. Mature couples already having children, there are practically no such divorce. First, they more appreciate the family and strive to preserve it, secondly, to divorce, having children, it is possible only in court.

And the court always provides time for reconciliation, therefore, by the time of the marriage of the marriage process, the spouses do not have a real intention to change their mind.

Divorced spouses there is nowhere to live separately

It happens if the family lived in a small apartment or even a room, the section of which will not allow purchasing accommodation for each of the spouses.

Either housing is decorated for a minor child and therefore cannot be divided between spouses, as they are not owners. Either the family does not have their own housing, only rented, and renting each spouse separately housing for himself.

If the housing issue rests on the reluctance of one of the spouses to divide the jointly acquired residential premises, then it is possible to solve it by contacting the court.

Divorced spouses do not want to advertise their new marriage status for some reason

For example, in order not to injury the psyche of an elderly or seriously ill relative, the spouses stop family relationships and only divide her with each other. With a normal organization of life and neighborhood, the relations of former spouses resemble the relationship between those living in a communal apartment.

If they do not have children, they may well coexist peacefully with each other. The presence of children will complicate the situation, since the explicit change in the quality of the relationship will be seen and will cause many questions.

The visibility of the family is preserved for the sake of a child

It is not always correct. Sometimes the child is easier to survive stress from the news that parents divorced and no longer live together than the day after the day to witness the "Cold War" between his most close people. The child sensates that there are other relations between his mother and the father, rather than before, - without love, confidence, mutual assistance. The child begins to dig in himself, feels guilty of cooling his parents to each other. This leads to different child health disorders. Therefore, allegedly humane preservation of the family "For the sake of children" is actually very undesirable, as harm from such a preservation is much more than good.

Joint living meets the needs of joint business

Former husband and wives have chances of becoming reliable business partners for each other in such a situation. For example, a family family has been based on the place of residence - mini-poultry farm, farming, beauty salon, shop, zoochostica, etc. Family relations may exhaust themselves, but partnerships are preserved.

Therefore, the divorce will give an opportunity to re-arrange a personal life without having lost their business or profit.

However, each couple living together after the divorce, its own reason.

Is it worth living with former spouses together

Normally, in neighborhood, coexist together with the former spouse can only under a number of conditions:

• The former spouse does not abuse alcohol, does not use psycho-achieves and narcotic substances for personal use, in other words, not the transition to an asocial altered state;
• The former husband is not aggressive and does not show signs of violence against the ex-wife, otherwise to live with him simply dangerous;
• He does not insist on the preservation of family relations, if the wife does not want to renew this relationship with him, otherwise such a harassment will sooner or later bring a woman to a nervous breakdown;
• It does not abuse the opportunity to live with his wife, arranging noisy gatherings with buddies, leading to the house of new women, if the housing dimensions do not allow intimacy (if the former spouses live in separate rooms, they can lead to their living territory to those whom they consider necessary, not disturbing the rights of the other).
• It does not refuse to take part in the payment of the use and content of housing, which continues to live with the former wife.

Sometimes the joint accommodation of spouses leads to a return marriage. But most often the marriage is not registered, even if the neighboring relations again became full-fledged with married relations.

It happens that after the divorce, some time and spouses are taking place that the "divorced" life does not suit them. Then they can begin to live together after several years of separation. Relations between them have chances of becoming durable and stable, but only if they won't be jealous of each other to those partners with whom everyone had a relationship after a divorce.

Thus, accommodation together after a divorce helps sometimes rethink your life and return to each other, learn to really appreciate the family.

However, if the former spouses are clearly tuned to completely stop relations with each other, if the contradictions between them are excessively substantial, if there can be a speech about the preservation of normal good neighborly relations between them, then in this case, a joint accommodation will only aggravate the mutual negative. In this case, the most reasonable thing is to immediately disperse and solve all legal issues remotely.

In general, accommodation together with the former spouse is a rather ambiguous concept. Psychologists, for example, tend to believe that with such a situation, a man is considered free, and a woman is married. On the one hand, this allows a woman to feel more confident, on the other - it can significantly infringe upon her opportunity to feel free and establish a new life.

American psychologists call the divorce by the death of relationships. This is true. The couple, resolved on the final parting, as a rule, does not burn with the desire to communicate later. But in our country there are often cases when former spouses have to lead a joint life after a divorce.

Usually the reason for this becomes the apartment question. Spouses can not immediately disperse, because there is no possibility to exchange an apartment, or buy a new one. It happens that relatives of the divorced pair create obstacles to final separation. Be that as it may, but former husband and wife remain to live under one roof and are forced to lead a joint economy. This provision has both positive and negative sides.

• The difficulties of living together after a divorce

Of course, such a situation is always associated with increased emotional stress. If one of the spouses can not, then daily existence under one roof will be filled with scandals, reproaches and exhausting clarifications of relations. Life risks turning into hell.

As noted by the famous psychologist K. Vitaiter, such an environment can negatively affect the younger generation. As you know, this is a separate complex topic. Permanent conflicts of parents may adversely affect the development of a small child and even a teenager. In such families, children become anxious or aggressive, they develop fears and uncertainty in themselves and others. Such life can lead to the emergence of a child psychological injury.

Another negative point is the fact that none of the partners have the opportunity to arrange their personal life. After all, in this situation, it is almost unrealistic to bring home a new passion. Especially if the former second half suffers from jealousy and is aggressively configured.

• Positive moments.

It happens that the couple is aware that the divorce was a premature step. After passions lay down, the resentment went into the past, the spouses begin to understand that they were still going to each other.

In this case, a joint life after the divorce allows her husband and his wife in a new one to take a look at the partner. Perhaps after a while they will even forget, which made them break their relationship, and completely sincerely will be surprised, without understanding.

Psychologists note that in such a situation you need to be taken care. It is possible that the revival of the former feelings is just an illusion, and after a while you will feel displeasure to each other again. Before ascend again, it is necessary to carefully analyze and think about how to avoid past errors. For example, if a man looking at the inaccessible now the beloved, opens a lot of positive features in it, he should weigh everything for and against before doing attempts.

• How to build a joint accommodation?

If former spouses are forced to live together for some time, they first have to solve household questions. The most reasonable option in this case will agree on where things will lie, who in what day uses the washing machine. You can also divide products and even dishes. These measures are not at all unnecessary. Very often, domestic trifles provoke the most stormy quarrels. By finding around all such questions, you will greatly facilitate a joint stay in the same apartment.

In this case, former spouses will communicate, as the neighbors in a communal apartment. If they have no complaints about each other, such life can last for years. But if a joint life after the divorce develops into a war to the last cartridge, and any word of the partner is perceived as a personal insult, it is necessary to endure it urgently.

One of the spouses can rent an apartment or a room or live for some time with friends. In order to preserve their health, both psychological and physical, do not feel sorry for any funds.

And remember, even if you do not feel anything in addition, it's not a reason to descend to petty intrigues and lose self-esteem. And if you are forced to live together, try to keep the remnants of respect for each other and try to solve this problem together.

• Material prepared:, psychologist-consultant (RGGU, Moscow)

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Many are already familiar with such prose of being, asjoint life with your loved one, and many it is only to be. Someone is waiting for this with impatience, and someone like a prospect is frightened to the depths of the soul. In fact, to live with a person is a whole science, it is similar to the ships in the middle of the ocean, where the icebergs are waiting for the ocean. Let's deal with how not to run into them and do not sink "ship of love."

Well, as they say, the victory loves preparation, and therefore let's get ready for difficult family weekdays. If you initially approach them correctly, it will help to save nerves, do not experience their patience and patience of the partner. To do this, you should initially get rid of dangerous illusions regarding robust life and psychologically tune in to how everything will be, then not to lose "Zen" from every little thing. And, of course.

Quarreling

Perhaps, without which the joint habitat is under one roof, these are family quarrels. It is very easy to meet 3 times a week, go to the cinema, to have sex and felt at home. And it is much more difficult to share things, a kitchen, a bathroom, and not to go crazy when the usual way of life in which you yourself are the owner, remained in the past. So there will be a quarrel, this is an axiom, another thing, as you overcome them. If there is a desire to find a compromise, it will be found, always. If there is no desire, create it, it's just as simple as a paper airplane. After all, our thoughts, like the river, pour where their land will send. Therefore, since you decided to live together, then direct your thoughts in the right rod, learn how to control your stormy temper and do not forget that you have chosen this person. Let pleasant thoughts balance negative, and then it will be possible to preserve peace.

Fitting an apartment

The truth is said: "Want to know a person, make a repair with him." There are so many tastes in the world, how many people, and therefore should not expect that you will immediately find a common language regarding the repair and setting of the apartment with your "unearthly love". Therefore, if you decide to start living together, then be prepared for the fact that the epic battle for each trifle awaits you. If only you do not decide initially make a compromise regarding what is not fundamental for you. For example, if the girl wants a beige color of the walls, and the color is not so important for the guy, then it is better to give up. The girls also concern. Then in the fundamentals, everyone will receive something in anything, and you can get used to the rest.

Pets

Well, so it's time to start to start ... No, not a child, you can exhale, just a fluffy summit, a cat, a dog, as you like. And here the most important thing begins - it's good when both want to make a pet and immediately take some sort of responsibility for him. But it happens that someone wants, and someone is not. It is better to treat with understanding and immediately decide on the duties. As in childhood, remember - "And who will take care of him? I will!"

"And let us exchange passwords, you trust me?" Often, girls are offered, although it happens that the guys really crave to look into the intimate. Not! Well, believe me that every word and every like you will begin to analyze, view each "chicken" or every "asshole" that wrote. You lose rest and you will think, and what did he / she mean when he wrote this? "She wanted him / wants / wants!" So not far to paranoia. Then a joint life can turn into a nightmare. Here you need to know some rules that will help not go crazy.

So, the guy can cute and flirt with another girl, and this most often does not mean anything, just a manner of communication. It became, the girl makes no sense to endure the brain on trifles. This also applies to the guy - no time to suspect a girl and get it with his jealousy. On the other hand, it is important to remember the feelings of loved ones and not to give a reason to worry.

Secrets

Often, lovers arise illusions on the topic - we will not have secrets from each other. Yeah, keep pockets wider! Just believe that sometimes it is better to keep silent than to say, as is. Remember the sacramental truth from the series "Friends": "I'm fat? Not! Size matter? Not!". Take care of your loved ones. But this does not mean that you need to lie, no. On the contrary, it is worth being honest everywhere where it will not harm. At the same time, it is not necessary to make that it will be ashamed and what to hide. Well, you understand ... deep relationship is much more important than momentary joys!

Streth

Yeah, so we got to the main stone of the stumbling block in russia. The truth is said that the most difficult thing is to introduce a waterfall in time. In general, nothing kills love and romance as the functions of your body. Someone will objected and say: what is natural, then not ugly. And I will answer: blah blah! Please note that all people are different, for example, there are girls for whom even the kind of naked man is unacceptable, if only ahead is not waiting for sex. Suddenly, yes? I'm already silent about everything else. As well as guys try not to think about what girls are engaged in the toilet, actively imagining a rainbow. Therefore, before starting a life without borders, try to find out the question of finding the position of the partner about this and convey your own.

Daily regime

We are usually engaged in a bunch of affairs and each of their schedule. But now you are not by yourself, you have a couple who lives with you. And not just near the room removes. So, you need to adapt to each other. And here arises the question of who should do it? The answer is simple - both. No need to think that someone's schedule is more important. More precisely, it can be more important, and at certain points it should be recognized (if there is a head), but when it is not so critical, it is better to try not to offend the sense of own importance of your partner. You will say that your business is more important and you will not have time to look back how to cool you. So, if you started living together, do not forget that someone is early to get up, which means you should not sit late and listen to music for the whole apartment. Just respect each other, it is not so difficult.

Family budget

Money loves bill. It is true and should not be neglected. And since now you live together, you immediately disperse how your budget will be arranged. Everyone has his own or one common? Or someone works, and someone leads the economy and engaged in children. All this is a hard work to which you need to treat with respect. In any case, if you immediately separate everything in places, there will be no misunderstanding.

Personal space

When you had ever met, I did not have time to get bored with each other. Now everything has changed and your second half will now appear before your eyes most of the time. Moreover, you will have to communicate, watch movies together, cook, play. Whatever together ... From this you can go crazy. No matter how you love, if this is very much, then no patience is enough. So let's give each other a personal space, the opportunity to sit on the Internet, watch a movie or read. At this time, you and yourself will not hinder a little "rest from love", deal with your affairs. Such an approach levels many difficulties of family life.

I want to know where you

Continuing the subject of social networks and paranoia, you can not forget the eternal desire to control the movement of each other. "And where are you? And will you be at home? " It can get it true. Do not forget that the more squeezing the spring, the stronger it is squeezed. On the other hand, this desire can be understood, and to once again torment the soul mate, it is better to tell me where you, do not force a partner to be lost in guesses.

General tastes

All people are different! I repeat again - all people are different. In something your tastes can coincide, but there is no, it is quite normal, even interesting. Do not instill love for your favorite genre of cinema, sport, food. Do not impose your views, you would definitely not like it.

Eternal love

Here is the favorite delusion of young hearts - faith in eternal love. I do not want to dispel a fairy tale, but love is not eternal. Anyway, youthful, that that makes singing. Over time, the sharpness is lost and the fire turns the dimensional light, which will warm the whole life. If you maintain it. Plune and leave on a sidier, then do not ask later why you do not feel anything. I will say directly - a sense of love you need to create, keep in yourself yourself, this is a job. I understand, few people expected to hear such and it is unlikely to immediately agree, but in time you will understand that it is so.

Time alone

Do not forget that it is sometimes useful to go somewhere separately. Well, for a variety, so as not to feel that in your life all the same thing. Go to the movies, theater, just stroll, to be alone with you very useful. Let's make this opportunity and your second half.

Meeting with friends

We remember that we are all different and characters may differ. Someone loves communication with people, and someone is not. There are those who love love, but only with people who chose himself. Therefore, not always your second half will be delighted with communication with your friends. Therefore, before inviting them to your home, ask if your girlfriend wants this / guy. This is a simple rule that many questions solve.

Relatives

But as for the relatives of the second half, then here you need to make them feel good. No one demands insane love, but respect for sure. It is clear that few people want to stay in constant voltage, namely, these people feel in the presence of parents of the elect / chosen, so do not need to arrange such meetings too often. Such questions can be honest to discuss the evening for a cup of tea.

Cooking

Life together can not do without solving an important issue - who will prepare in the family? That's because of this, there are often scandals. Usually cooks girl. But here it is necessary to proceed from the fact that the girl can spend the same time at work as a guy. Imagine here it comes tired, disguises and goes to the kitchen, and a young man on a sofa. Not very honestly turns out. Therefore, try to negotiate your schedule, you can "cooke" together or in turn. And if the girl herself is called to cook for her man, he should appreciate such a treasure and wear in his arms.

Sex

Remember how it all started? Wild arousal and anticipation before the first time. Several months of unrestrained jellis, from which he broke his head. And then it began to somehow bother, not so interesting, everything was already. And when you start living together, the sex turns into a routine. And you already understand that today they are tired and you can skip the time, and the girl sometimes plays the role of "oh, hurts a head." This is a common thing and here, of course, it is impossible to sit back.

First, throw thoughts about sex with others. Just such thoughts by themselves kill the severity of sensations with a partner. And also pushed into a grave sin. Cannot betray those who love. And secondly, talk to a girl / guy, experiment. Try something new, play. And most importantly, dream of sex with the second half, add sharpness, thoughts, and reality will be transformed.

A blanket

Finally, I wanted to say about the blanket - it belongs to the girl, it is worth come true with this

So we looked at some importantrules of living together, which will save your feelings and successfully overcome those difficulties that may arise. The main thing - respect each other, be honest, do not be afraid to discuss your questions, make efforts and everything will work out.