Should children help their parents? Children Shouldn't Help Their Parents Why Children Should Help Their Parents
It is bad when children grow up essentially dependents, getting used to the fact that their parents serve them in everything. It's not a problem that this is a burden on parents - many parents are happy with this burden - the trouble is that such children are not able to take care of themselves and remain children even when everyone around them has already matured. Who needs such an armless and irresponsible man when he is essentially still a child? Who needs a woman like that if she can't keep house and can't even cook breakfast?
It's good when parents teach their children to do basic self-care, and it's great when they teach their children to take care of the whole family after that. If the family has a cheerful and kind atmosphere, it is a joy for a child to participate in common cooking. Together with mom, cutting cheese and cabbage, lighting the stove, laying out spoons and forks on the table is the most exciting game and at the same time a source of pride.
The usual difficulty here is not that the child cannot or does not want to help parents, the main difficulty here is more often that it is easier and faster for the mother to do everything herself than to organize the child, explain everything to him, guide, teach and eliminate the consequences of his mistakes and ineptitude - and all this is inevitable. Every leader faces this difficulty: it is easier to do everything yourself than to train employees and delegate their affairs to them. However, a good leader is obliged to do this, respectively, you need to accustom yourself, teach yourself this and mothers.
So, the first stage in preparing children for adulthood - children step by step master self-service. The second stage - children help their parents in common family affairs. The third stage is cooperation, when children participate in common family affairs on an equal basis with adults. And the final stage is adulthood, when the one who used to be a child takes care of family affairs and, if necessary, organizes adults to help him. When children help their parents, the main responsibility and the main work is on the parents. As a moment in the matter of education, this is normal, but as a way of family life, it is wrong. It’s right when parents can already transfer all the main family affairs to their children, so that the children take it upon themselves and cope with them. Children should work around the house, not parents, just as in a company, current affairs are done by employees, not the manager. A good leader is one who can do nothing, and everything in the company will happen without him. Good parents are those who can completely rely on their children, do not worry about household chores, but everything will be done.
So, in a good family, it is not the children who help their parents, but the parents should help the children. In a good family, children take on all the basic household duties, and parents only admire them. When this happened, our children really matured.
"Mom, listen to me, now I will not help you with household chores. I will remove you from household chores, now I will do everything, and now you will rest, walk and take care of your health. You will help me when I am ask you for help? Thank you for teaching me everything!"
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Who invented the obligation to help parents? With what joy do children, for example, have to postpone their personal vacation on the weekends in order to go help their parents with repairs or even dig potatoes in the country? It's even more surprising when your father needs help fixing the car, and you have a vacation on your nose. And how do you like the promises of society in the style of "my father travels by minibuses with transfers, but he rolls his ass in a Porsche and cannot at least buy Kalina for his father"? I wonder if such speakers understand that if the father cannot afford to buy a car, then how will he fill the same fret viburnum?
There is a common phrase that parents repay their debts to their children. That is, their parents invested their time, resources and just care in them, and we, accordingly, will give it all to our children (in this place, the childless laugh maliciously, because they can live only for themselves without having to repay these same debts) . But children are children, of course, but what do parents have to do with it?
When you live with your parents, you help them around the house, take out the trash, bring something into this house: this is inevitable, because at that moment your common house is your common comfort zone, but what a joy it is to carry something there after that How do you no longer live together? This is no longer your home, where do our people get such worshipful manners and affection? Who even came up with this elevation in the phrase "father's house"? This is simply a designation for NOT your home, where you temporarily lived until you found your home.
Everyone has their own path in life. Yes, parents had to work hard and hard to "feed, clothe, shoe, educate." But they repay us debts to their parents. And if their parents (our grandparents) gave them such an insignificant bad education that they struggle all their lives to earn three kopecks, then who is to blame? What does it have to do with you and your personal Mercedes or BMW?
It turns out a situation where children owe both their parents (this debt is imposed) and their children (this debt is fair). Is it fair? Personally, I think that parents themselves should think about their future, including old age, and not impose their "sacredness" on their children! Earned a pension of 3 rubles? Your problems. Yes, neither children nor the state will let you die of hunger, but don’t count on more! Were you able to provide for yourself at working age? Well done! All developed countries are built on this.
No one in the US will say that my children don't give me money or help me with treatment, no one! There is insurance, there are special government assistance programs. Everything is fair: you have been paying the state all your life, it is obliged to help you, and this is also not something strange or sudden! And only in Russia can parents spend their money left and right in their youth, and then in their old age complain that their children do not take care of them as much as they would like.
You need to take care of yourself! First you need to ensure a high profitability of your life activity. Can you just turn screws? Ok, you'll have a job, but don't worry that you've spent your whole life working to feed the kids. Got an education, created a business. Then he really repaid his debts to his children (fed, clothed, shod, education). Everything - debts are distributed. Then fill your life with emotions: travel, buy what you deserve (ferrari, bentley, castle system, whatever you want). But do not forget that no one will owe you anything in old age. Nobody and nothing. If you live in the States, then the state (your taxes work out), if you live in Russia or Ukraine, or in Moldova with Belarus, then forget it at all. Take your savings and live for yourself, creating what fruits your life's deeds give. If you want - buy an apartment for your children - help your grandchildren (after all, children, logically, will be obliged to buy an apartment for their children), if you don't want, go around the world like Japanese pensioners.
What do you think about the concept of "debt to parents"? Do you help your parents financially? Do you go to the country to dig potatoes to the detriment of your legal day off? Do you spend your personal money on parenting needs? And most importantly, how do you prepare for old age now, when you only go to clubs and it’s nice to talk with girls?
Should children help their parents?? Many parents believe that it is not necessary to burden children household chores. They think that housework will rob children of a carefree childhood that comes only once. Often, parents who come to a psychologist for a consultation believe that schooling is enough for their children and, apart from that, they do not need anything from their children.
However, as a family psychologist, the author of this note Olga Zeitlin believes that it is much more important that when children help their parents, performing household duties, they will feel necessary in the family, able to make their own contribution to family well-being and therefore be its full members.
In counseling, she helps parents understand that by teaching children responsibility for household chores, we develop their social interest and prepare them to take responsibility outside the home.
Children, which help parents and have their own household chores usually do better in school because they interact better with teachers. Without such training, children become consumers and in the future only want to receive something from other people. They just sit at home and wait for someone to come and give them what they want. Sometimes these children get the feeling that they are something of themselves only when someone serves them.
Based on their experience and life situations, adults can come up with a lot of different things that a child can do for the benefit of the family. But sometimes parents are at a loss, not knowing what can be entrusted to children, therefore, further, the author gives approximate lists of household chores for children of different ages, which were taken with slight changes in the book by B. B. Grunwald, G. V. Macaby "Family Counseling" . So what children help around the house at different ages:
Household chores for a 3 year old
Collect and put the toys in the appropriate place.
Put books and magazines on the shelf.
Take napkins, plates and cutlery to the table.
Dispose of leftover crumbs after meals.
Clear your seat at the table.
Brush your teeth, wash and dry your hands and face, comb your hair.
Undress yourself, with a little help - get dressed.
Wipe away the traces of "childish surprise" behind you.
Bring small products to the desired shelf, put things on the bottom shelf.
Household chores for a four year old
Serve the table, including good plates.
Help put away groceries.
Under the supervision of a parent, help in buying cereals, pasta, sugar, cookies, sweets, bread.
Schedule food for pets.
Help clean up the garden and yard.
Help make and make the bed.
Help wash dishes or help load the dishwasher.
Wipe off the dust.
Spread butter on bread. Prepare cold breakfasts (cereals, milk, juice, crackers).
Help prepare a simple dessert (put a decoration on a cake, add jam to ice cream).
Share toys with friends.
Get mail out of the mailbox.
Play at home without constant supervision and without the constant attention of adults.
Hang socks and handkerchiefs to dry.
Help folding towels.
Household chores for a 5 year old
Help plan food preparation and grocery shopping.
Make your own sandwiches or a simple breakfast and clean up after yourself.
Pour yourself a drink.
Serve a dinner table.
Pluck lettuce and greens from the garden.
Add some ingredients to the recipe.
Make and make the bed, clean the room.
Get dressed and put away your own clothes.
Clean sink, toilet and tub.
Wipe mirrors.
Sort laundry for washing. Fold white separately, color separately.
Fold and put away clean linen.
To answer phone calls.
Help clean up the apartment.
Pay for small purchases.
Help wash the car.
Help take out the trash.
Decide for yourself how to spend your part of the family money intended for entertainment.
Feed your pet and clean up after him.
Tie your own shoelaces.
Household Responsibilities of a 6-Year-Old Child (First Grade)
Choose your own clothes according to the weather or for a specific occasion.
Vacuum the carpet.
Water flowers and plants.
Clean vegetables.
Prepare simple meals (hot sandwiches, boiled eggs).
Pack things for school.
Help hang laundry on a clothesline.
Hang your clothes in the wardrobe.
Collect firewood for the fire.
Gather dry leaves with a rake, weed weeds.
Walk pets.
Be responsible for your minor wounds.
Taking out the trash.
Tidy up the drawer where cutlery is stored.
Set the table.
Household Responsibilities of a Seven-Year-Old Child (Second Grade)
Lubricate the bike, take care of it. Lock it in a dedicated place when not in use.
Receive phone messages and record them.
Be on parcels with parents.
Wash your dog or cat.
Train pets.
Carry groceries.
Get up in the morning and go to bed at night without being reminded.
Be polite and courteous to other people.
Leave the bathroom and toilet in order.
Iron simple things.
Household Responsibilities for an Eight- and Nine-Year-Old Child (Third Grade)
Correctly fold napkins and lay out cutlery.
Clean the floor.
Help rearrange furniture, plan the arrangement of furniture with adults.
Fill your own bath.
Help others (if asked) in work.
Organize your closets and drawers.
Buy clothes and shoes for yourself with the help of your parents, choose clothes and shoes.
Change school clothes for clean ones without being reminded.
Fold up blankets.
Sew on buttons.
Sew up torn seams.
Clean out the closet.
Clean up after animals.
Get acquainted with recipes for cooking simple dishes and learn how to cook them.
Cut flowers and prepare a vase for bouquets.
Gather fruits from trees.
Kindle Fire. Prepare everything you need for cooking on a campfire.
Paint the fence or shelves.
Write simple letters.
Write thank you cards.
Feed the baby.
Bathe younger sisters or brothers.
Polish the furniture in the living room.
Household Responsibilities for a Nine- and Ten-Year-Old Child (Fourth Grade)
Change bed linen and put dirty linen in a basket.
Know how to operate a washer and dryer.
Measure out laundry detergent and fabric softener.
Buy groceries from a list.
Cross the street on your own.
Come to appointments on your own if you can walk or bike there.
Bake cookies from semi-finished products in boxes.
Prepare food for the family.
Receive your mail and reply to it.
Prepare tea, coffee or juice, pour into cups.
Make a visit.
Plan your birthday or other holidays.
Be able to provide basic first aid.
Wash the family car.
Learn to be thrifty and economical.
Household Responsibilities for a Ten- and Eleven-Year-Old Child (Fifth Grade)
Earn money on your own.
Don't be afraid to stay at home alone.
Manage some amount of money responsibly.
Know how to ride the bus.
Responsible for personal hobbies.
Eleven- and Twelve-Year-Old Household Responsibilities (Sixth Grade)
Be able to take on leadership responsibilities outside the home.
Help put little brothers and sisters to bed.
Do your own work.
Mow lawn.
Help father with construction, crafts, and household chores.
Clean stove and oven.
Manage your own study time.
Home duties of high school students
On school days, going to bed at a certain time (as agreed with the parents).
Take charge of cooking for the whole family.
Have an idea about a healthy lifestyle: eat healthy food, maintain a proper weight, get regular medical check-ups.
Anticipate the needs of others and take appropriate action.
Have realistic ideas about possibilities and limits.
Consistently implement the decisions made.
Show mutual respect, devotion and honesty in all respects.
Make as little money as possible.
How to organize it
Do not ask children to do anything. Just once discuss what they could take on and assign them their responsibilities. You don't have to become a drill sergeant among recruits, but at the end of the day you are the boss.
Do not force children to do something out of the blue. Remember that part of their work is based on trust. Tell them what needs to be done and let them know how confident you are that they can do it. When they feel that they really help, it is very interesting to watch them.
Many have a schedule hanging in the kitchen, which lists all the daily duties of children. It indicates the days of the week and the tasks that children must complete on that day. This schedule is very helpful in guiding the children without having to remind them of anything. They can look at the schedule at any time and see what they have to do. Yes, it's not exactly the ideal scheme, but the schedule definitely helps.
We all live in a state of debt. We owe the state, children, work, friends and, most of all, parents. At least, the latter in our country are sure of this. They brought us into the world, raised us, taught us, giving us the last. It turns out that the life of each of us is a long-term loan, which must be repaid upon reaching a certain material condition, psychological stability, and some awareness.
However, many here will be indignant: debt is far from always justified. Unfortunately, not in all families, parents became a reliable rear and stronghold of love for their children, rather the opposite. And the children, reaching adulthood, hurried to leave the parental home, fleeing pressure, humiliation, insults. By the way, in most cases, it is precisely these parents, whose attention to their children was limited to the principle of "gave birth - fed - dressed" (in the best case scenario), require their children to repay a certain debt. Often this turns into manipulation and a game of guilt: "We raised you, and you?" Which often makes the life of an adult child unbearable.
On the contrary, those who really raised the child, engaged in its development, education, supported, tried to understand and even sometimes understood, perceive their grown-up son or daughter as a full-fledged person, without demanding anything in return, experiencing moral satisfaction from the fact that they raised a worthy person. And it is in such families that a child voluntarily has a desire to repay a debt: to take care of elderly parents, help them fulfill their dreams, support them financially and morally. And this happens quite naturally, without reminders from the outside.
The concept of the duty of children to their parents in our country also exists because older people rarely have to rely on outside help, only children become the only lifeline. What has been happening with pensions in recent years can hardly be called a road to a happy old age. The current generation is completelyhealthy 30-year-olds with a white salary cannot imagine what will happen when they turn 60. What kind of pension awaits them? Does it make sense to think about it at all, or is it necessary to rely only on one's own strength and give birth to children who will not only bring a glass of water, but also help to survive?
Retirement - time for rest and travel
In the European Union, retirement is a well-deserved rest. Thanks to the level of pension subsidies, older people get the opportunity to travel the world, relax at sea and generally enjoy life. They do not have a question of survival with a minimum pension of 500 euros per month, so the children in this sense do not owe them anything. If only attention and love, but this, as we know, is a voluntary matter and clearly depends on how worthy parents they were. And what is most surprising is that European pensioners do not demand anything from their children.In the United States, it is generally customary to “kick out” a child from home upon reaching the age of majority. Parents can pay for college or university education, and then, please, yourself.
By the way, it is only in Russia that the practice of giving your children to grandparents is so widespread in order to work quietly. For example, in Italy, elderly parents can visit their grandchild once a month, bringing a gift or giving money for a toy, but for the most part, those who want to sit with their child all day long do not line up. And this is normal, for them a pension is a long-awaited vacation, and looking after a child is a rather difficult job, and unpaid at that.
Happy without a pension
In the issue of children's debt to parents, the mentality also plays a role. In Asian countries, old age is deeply respected. At the same time, only 55% of the population in China can count on a pension (and even then only recently). What should the remaining 45% of disabled old people do? That's right - to wait for help from the younger generation. And the latter justifies these expectations. There on holidays the streets are full wheelchairs with elderly grandparents. They are never left at home if the family decides to take a walk.
In the same Thailand and Hong Kong, there is no pension system at all as such. PTherefore, there are large families - the norm. After all, the more children parents raise, the more likely it is that they will not die of hunger and disease in old age.
Lonely old people have to come up with ways to survive. So, on the streets of Hong Kong you can meet discharged pensioners who sing or dance, thereby earning money for their living.
boomerang effect
Of course, in Russia one day you cannot instill in young people an inner sense of duty to their parents. And here the only way out is the boomerang effect.Have you raised your children in such a way that they have a desire to support you in old age? Did you give them your parental debt at one time in order to count on its return in the future? Another paradox is that parents owe their children the first 18-20 years of their lives. And the rest of the child's life - he owes his parents. It turns outthe word "should" is more of a pressure and manipulation. And family relations should be built on mutual respect, love, support and other voluntary feelings. With this approach, the problems of the pension fund will not bother. The main thing is to know that your family is your main parachute, not a reserve one.