How to understand that the husband does not have enough attention. What do men miss in a relationship?

In my opinion, modern men lack generosity, kindness, self-irony, condescension, the ability to meet halfway and give in to a woman. And we are not talking about fundamentally important things, but about trifles, because of which quarrels and conflicts most often flare up.

When it comes to serious contradictions, then the alignment is different - people defend their principles, views and look for a compromise that will allow them to improve relations, but at the same time not break each other, not crush, but preserve the personality of each.

But it seems to me that men take equality in relationships literally - that is, since we are equal, I am not obliged to yield to you in anything! Moreover, they often reinforce such their irreconcilable position with talk about emancipation and statements, they say, they themselves strove for equality, now get it.

But at the same time, most men understand that women are physically weaker. That is, if the wife starts moving the wardrobe, the husband will look condescendingly, move her away and put the wardrobe in the right place. Moreover, he will add - why are you eager to do this, because you have me.

But as soon as the wife tries to advise something, for example, when building a dacha, installing an outlet, repairing any household appliances or furniture, and in many ways in which men consider themselves unsurpassed specialists, then at best you can come across ironically, they say, go, mind your own woman's business, and here we are smart ourselves.

Yes, it would be fine, let him do it! But this is if he really knows how, and does not rely on chance and his belonging to the stronger sex. And then after unsuccessful attempts, for example, to hang a cornice, irritation sets in, a scandal begins, and it turns out that the wife is to blame for everything - she came up with a stupid job, because of which so much effort was spent, and all in vain.

What is the wife's fault? That she asked to hang a cornice? That she brought Pobedite drills and a perforator, since it is useless to drill the overlap with an ordinary drill? Guilt that the wife is an engineer by education and understands these matters no worse than her husband, an economist? But it was beneath one's dignity to listen to her. And so it remains in the end: a wall, as after a bombing, an annoyed husband and a puzzled wife, because it is she who now needs to look for a way to put the wall in order, and, of course, figure out how to hang this ill-fated cornice herself.

Why do men perceive women's advice as something that humiliates them? Where does such self-confidence come from that they are a priori an order of magnitude smarter and decisively know how to do everything? And why, if it turned out badly, the wife is to blame, and if everything is successful, then these are the successes of the husband?

Pre-holiday days and wild bustle - every woman knows how many different things fall on her head at once. You ask your husband to help, and in response, that he will not deal with woman's affairs for anything. Like, his mother managed to do everything herself, and you just don’t know how to properly organize your time.

And no one takes into account that his mother did not work, and you have a position no lower than your husband's, and you work at the same hours as he does. And you have all the household chores, plus the children. That is, the husband needs to rest, and the most important thing for the wife is to properly organize?

The problem of the bin was not discussed only by the lazy, probably. But, indeed, asking a man to take out the garbage is a separate article. At the same time, he resentfully speaks: “Is it difficult for you? It’s hard, or something - the bucket is light!

Not hard! A separate bucket is not difficult, washing dishes is also not difficult, and cooking soup and bringing tea is not difficult! But when it’s in a row every day, without taking into account the fact that you are also tired, that you also want to watch TV, just sit with a book, it becomes almost unbearable. And the husband may even regret it, saying that the female lot is such, and you yourself were eager to get married, so why are you now grumbling?

Petty scandals are much more exhausting than big quarrels. In the second case, at least you understand why the fuss flared up. And if there is a quarrel over the fact that you cooked borscht instead of soup, that the cutlets were undersalted, or that your favorite shirt was in the wash, namely, her husband wanted to wear it? If the scandal happened because you spilled tea on the floor and didn’t have time to wipe it up yet, and your husband stepped on a puddle?

Every woman will remember many such trifles. But the most unpleasant thing is when a husband shakes his rights and is indignant as if a tragedy of a universal scale had happened. And he doesn’t care that your boss was rude to you at work, that you twisted your leg on a slippery sidewalk, that your girlfriend spreads gossip about you, that you are just tired to the limit. The husband will demand recognition of his innocence without discounts for any circumstances.

Yes, I agree, she spilled tea, but is it really necessary to make a story out of this? Isn't it easier to take a rag and wipe it yourself? Is the shirt unwashed? So turn on the car - seven spans in the forehead is not required! Didn't you cook what you wanted for dinner? And you cook it yourself, because you see that I'm spinning like a squirrel in a wheel! No, he pouted, offended, went to the TV and now the whole evening, or even tomorrow, he will pout, and then he will still say that I am guilty and do not admit my guilt, and in general, a woman should be complaisant and be the first to take steps towards reconciliation.

Tell me, many husbands, seeing that their wife is on edge, will come up, hug, offer help and really help, ask about business, regret, cheer, reassure? Many husbands, seeing that their wife has come home from work with heavy bags, will rush to unload her, cook dinner themselves, and offer her to sit in front of the TV and relax? And in many families, how many pre-holiday and other concerns are shared fairly, according to real employment, and even the husband tries to take most of it on himself in order to give his wife a rest for the holiday?

Maybe there are such lucky ones, but neither in the family of my and husband's parents, nor in my former family such happiness was observed. But constant nit-picking - I didn’t have time, I didn’t do it well, I didn’t bring it, I didn’t cook it right, and so on, I listened regularly. Until you get bored! And when, before the divorce, she asked directly: - Was it really so difficult to give in at least a little, to remain silent, not to find fault, but to do it yourself? And my then-husband, offendedly said:

Why should I give in? Why should it?

I tell him:

You are a man, you are strong, you must be a support, help, protection. And received in response:

I do not owe anything to anyone!

So we divorced, and he still believes that I destroyed a wonderful family with my whims. And that I could quite endure, listen, meet halfway, smooth out conflicts, and so on down the list. And he cannot understand that any woman wants a real man next to her, and not another difficult child who is sincerely convinced that he does not owe anything to anyone, but, on the contrary, everyone owes him.

Either the struggle for equality has gone into such a jungle that it is not clear how to get out of there, or the upbringing of boys, future men, takes on ugly forms, but I am convinced that many women will support me. What do our men lack? The main thing is the ability and desire to be men. In any case, that's exactly what I think.

He demands proof of love. In every little thing. " If you love me, then ... ", and no matter what happens next. He is clearly going to bargain and set conditions. It is possible that he simply requires attention and warmth. Remember, suddenly you haven't said "I love you".

I'll have dinner at my mom's.

I'll play it now.

There is an opinion that men are addicted to computer games from family boredom, from problems at work., because in computer games a man is the main one. If a woman does not pay enough attention to her husband, he does not necessarily leave the family, leaving for another, but he can go into the virtual world.

I'm with a friend.

When friendship becomes more important than family values, this can lead to a breakdown in relationships. No one says that partners should completely immerse themselves in each other and give all their energy to only one person. But the obsession with spending time with friends is fraught with suspicion, jealousy, and resentment. Your husband is clearly missing something in your relationship if he is so drawn to other people.

And the magic word?

Happy family people repeat the phrases "I love you" and "Have a nice day" very often. These words are a great way to buy some patience and peace of mind for the day ahead. Phrases like "I love you", "I love you" will allow you to think about your relationship more often. If you live together for a long time, this does not mean that you need to forget about tenderness, compliments and declarations of love. Maybe that's what he lacks?

You are not listening to me!

The greatest communication skill is the ability to listen effectively. One of the most striking manifestations of feelings in the family is the ability to fully concentrate on the spouse, listen to him, no matter what we ourselves want to say. "To be heard" equates to "to be loved." A person feels maximum respect and gratitude in these moments.

Not funny.

Psychologists have found that if close people do not laugh together, it means that not everything is going smoothly in the relationship. In the houses where jokes and laughter live, a light pleasant atmosphere hovers and stable relations develop between people. At the very beginning of family life, laughter in the family sounds much more often. It usually happens just like that, for no reason. As the years go by and they get to know each other, the jokes become more focused, and sometimes quite caustic.

Do you ever have days off?

The opinion of psychologists is unequivocal: separate rest does not at all contribute to strengthening the family and relations between spouses. Properly planned joint leisure only helps to strengthen family relationships and establish deep emotional ties. In order for a joint vacation to become a joy for both spouses, you need to carefully prepare for it. Attend joint events, talk to each other, share dreams.

Dont touch me.

Happy spouses hug each other when they leave for work, meet after, just like that during the day. If there are no "duty hugs" in the family, then people experience tactile hunger. Psychologists believe that people who want to embrace you want to experience a sense of security, comfort and love. The more often we hug each other, the more pleasant it is for us to do this, the stronger the beneficial form of dependence manifests itself.

You don't know what I dream about.

Happy couples share more than just everyday worries. They have common goals, plans and dreams. It doesn't matter what you aspire to - it is important that you embody it all together. If you want to buy an apartment, and your husband wants to build a house with his own hands, then most likely you will not have either one or the other. Discussing the future, the spouses get to know each other better, show mutual interest. If you really do not know what your spouse dreams about, then you are missing out on an important part of the present and future.

In the masculine guise, mostly weakly developed souls are born.
The dark ones have changed the physiology of the body
Gradually, sex moved away from the direct goal of its purpose.
Why did men turn into males?
What are the main virtues of a man?
What does the male gender think?
The man who reached out to the call of the body never knew love
Every year of life with a female vampire takes away five years from a man.

Nature provides for more males to be born than females.

This happens in both animals and humans. There are always more boys born than girls.

Why did it happen that suddenly there were not enough men? But according to statistics, this is true. They are missing. There are fewer of them than women.

Since ancient times, mankind has unleashed wars. Certainly not women. It is believed that men are an active principle. And like everything in our universe, this beginning was distorted by dark forces. Therefore, their activity was replaced by aggression, the desire for superiority, leadership, domination and power.

The same became characteristic of male animals, also not without the participation of dark forces.

And these qualities began to lead to clashes and conflicts, the struggle for a place under the sun, and, therefore, to wars.

A lot of people died in these wars. And, of course, men died the most, because they fought directly.

Just a little - the men immediately got into a fight, even if there were no wars. They died in these skirmishes. In the primitive world, a man hunted, i.e. fought with animals. And often he did not emerge victorious in this struggle.

It is precisely taking into account the peculiarities of such behavior of males that nature provided for their greater birth.

In itself, this behavior, which we have described, refers the man to a more gross being in the spiritual plane. Because only an undeveloped soul is able to assert itself with the help of muscles, fists, brute physical strength, as well as murder.

Therefore, in the masculine guise, mostly weakly developed souls were born. It must be said that the actions of dark forces led to such a picture. It was they who encouraged cruelty, violence, the desire for power, the desire to assert themselves.

All these actions of the dark forces led to the fact that souls began to be born in men that were closest to the animal state. After all, all these features listed by us above are inherent in males of various animal species.

Such traits as justice, wisdom, the desire to protect the weak began to appear less and less among those who were born men.

All the positive masculine qualities that we consider the ideal were less and less common in life. And this is also due to the actions of the dark forces that seduced the souls and led them to a lower level.

And what do we see now? There are far fewer men than women. Their life has become shorter than that of women. They were no longer enough.

The dark forces, of course, worked not only with men alone. They destroyed humanity as a whole, using the mechanism of seducing souls with vices, often based on the physiological characteristics of the sexes. To do this, demons and black hierarchs remade the matrices of people a long time ago, not only slowing down their development, but also slowing it down so much that some people sank below animals.

This was achieved by changing human physiology. He was introduced genes for the constant attraction of sex, for almost narcotic pleasure from the sexual act, i.e. a man was "hooked" on a sexual needle.

Moreover, the body was arranged in such a way that abstinence led to a kind of breaking. The body began to age, it lacked certain types of hormones, which gave discomfort, aggression and various vices. Dissatisfaction did not give the person rest. It could result in terrible crimes, violence, tyranny, manic behavior, sadism.

This is the mechanism that the dark forces launched through the genitals of people. Gradually, sex began to move away from the direct goal of its purpose, i. reproduction, procreation. It has become a means of entertainment, pleasure, satisfaction of lust.

And I must say that this affected both men and women. But, as we have already said, less developed souls were given to men. Therefore, all these sexual passions as a whole are much more pronounced in them than in women. The men have turned into males. And even the smartest of them: reasonable, scientists who discover new knowledge, are struck by the virus of the desire for sexual pleasure and satisfaction. On all this aspiration rests male pride. After all, it is no coincidence that they even call the so-called "manhood" the subject of their pride.

It turns out - they have no other advantages. You are not a man, even if you are brave, courageous, defend the weak, honest and fair. You don't even need muscles to be a man. The main thing is to have the very thing that everyone knows about, and sometimes they call it openly, trampling all sorts of decorum. This is what the world has come to with the help of dark forces that have exalted and glorified the animal instinct.

Men, overwhelmed by "withdrawal" due to lack of sexual satisfaction, begin to look for women everywhere.

And the stronger this breakdown, the less love arises in their heart. After all, love is primarily a feeling of the soul.

When the physical body, roughly speaking, needs to cope with its physiological need, a person never hears the soul.

He begins to live with the body, think with the body, hungry for pleasure and satisfaction. It is from such people that womanizers or women of easy virtue are obtained. Well, when you seek, you will surely find.

The dark forces did their best for this too. When a man really needs a sexual release, he feverishly seeks out in the crowd the so-called sexy women.

Who are they? These are women who also strongly desire physical intimacy with someone, and if they desire it simply on a physiological level, then they also think only with the body.

Very often they don't have souls at all. The dark forces arranged everything in such a way that dark entities began to incarnate in these women, seeking food for themselves through vampirism on sexual energies.

They had a beautiful body, sexual attractiveness of the body, pheromones ... But behind all this, there was a spiritual emptiness.

Almost always, a man, carried away by such a woman and her sweet, false speeches, found himself in a trap.

In the end, it turned out that a woman needed him only as one of the sources of her flesh satisfaction, energy and monetary nourishment.

A man who reaches out to the call of the body will never find love. He will be shrouded in falseness; gradually such people became slaves and henpecked. And they got themselves a vixen as a wife, who turned out to be a nice woman with a sexy gait after formalizing official relations.

A sexy woman is definitely an energy vampire. Even with her appearance, she pumps energy from a man. During intimacy, she completely de-energizes him.

Each year of life with such a woman is five years of life for men. He will not understand why he is so tired, why he feels bad, why he has already begun to fall ill. Why can't he even satisfy his flesh after all? And just a "drug" no longer works, no matter what dose you take - only the last forces leave the body. Prostatitis comes, impotence, adenoma, de-energizing energy takes out the last strength, and the heart can no longer cope. An incomprehensible tension grows, irritability and aggression increase. All this can result in an adenoma, a heart attack or a stroke.

The body ages quickly. A person sometimes begins to feel the hopelessness of his situation. But he does not understand where all this comes from. He does not feel love for the woman who once attracted him with a body. Because I did not feel it initially, because I only listened to the body, which does not know what it is.

Now he doesn't really love. He is simply tied artificially with bodily binding, very often backed up by a magical ritual of a love spell.

He rather hates the one who bewitched him, because in his subconscious he feels like a weak-willed toy in her hands. And nothing can be done about it.

He hates, but he can't quit. And this state very often leads either to suicide, or to drinking, or to bursts of aggression. When he drinks, when he beats the woman who has already chosen him, and it happens that in a fit of anger he can kill.

From such a connection, based on bed "love", without spiritual love, a man loses up to 30 years of his life.

Plus, his children almost always repeat his fate. After all, from birth they are in his field, which is all corroded and de-energized by the "beloved" vampire in a skirt.

This is where another problem of the rapid death of men came from, in addition to wars and cataclysms.

Men are chasing the quick satisfaction of the desires of the body, forgetting about the soul, and for this they give their lives and health.

The dark forces arranged it in such a way that society itself was built on these foundations. Men, trying to prove their superiority, turned a woman into a creature equal to cattle. For many nationalities, she still has very few rights. Thus, human violence took place.

The woman was declared a lower being, a temptress. The feminine principle was declared the dark principle.

All this was done by the right of the strong. The customs of many peoples put a woman in such conditions when without a husband she was nobody and nothing.

All this caused a backlash. And many of the women who had souls, virtuous, bright, crushed by such monstrous circumstances, were also tempted. They began to hold men, to conquer them, fighting for their survival.

At the same time, men did not become more chaste, but benefited from all this only dark forces that pushed people together and captured their souls, gradually inhabiting the bodies with the essences of their world.

They arranged such a game specifically for their existence. They twisted the laws of nature to work for them.

After all, men more and more often, at the call of their hormones, chose more sexy women. The latter were in greater demand than decent and kind, modest women.

Thus, natural selection began to work to populate the planet with soulless creatures. After all, sexy, accessible women almost all did not have showers.

The essences of the dark world lived in them, which means that they could give birth to basically the same as themselves.

This led to what we have, when two-thirds of the population turned out to be soulless.

By dark forces, men were assigned the role of biomass, which can be energetically eaten, dragging them into sexual traps. Wars, love spells, witchcraft, sexy female vampires, diseases as a result of these traps, the pursuit of power, money, self-affirmation - all this has brought the male sex to the brink of extinction.

They began to disappear as a species. The epidemic of prostatitis and adenoma has increased massively. Heart attacks and strokes among men, obesity have become more frequent. Their life began to shorten sharply.

Most of them don't live to be 70 anymore. That is why we have a shortage of men in society.

There will be no one to bear children. But, fortunately, the Transition is now underway. And the Higher Powers remove everything that the dark ones have done. They carry out colossal work, thanks to which witchcraft and vampirism become impossible. As well as craving for constant sexual satisfaction.

The transmutation of organisms has already begun and is underway, during which the hormonal dependence of the body on sexual activity will be removed. A person will not grow old and irritated because of abstinence.

He will not be attracted by the constant thirst for the pleasures of sex. After all, only those people who are able to love with their souls, and not strive to satisfy their physical flesh, will go through the Transition.

The new world will be completely different. And in it there is a place for real men ...

Lyubov KOLOSYUK.

This is a list of what a woman can do to touch my soul. And although this is quite subjective, I think many men want the same thing.

The woman who pays attention to these moments is the one I want to be with. So:

1. She must recognize me.

One of the greatest gifts that we can give a person is to be there, completely and completely.

Listen, observe, show what I see and try to understand a person, appreciate him and what he does. With such attention, a woman blossoms before our eyes.

But men also need such participation. If you want to sink into his soul, then try to get to know him - see him, hear him, and let him know that you see him, you see his soul.

You may be surprised at the level of intimacy and tenderness this will evoke in him.

2. She should enjoy what and how I do.

For a man, the greatest joy is to use his body, strength, skills and abilities to do something.

Maybe he cooks dinner, plays sports or just moves furniture - watch him, show that you like it.

Tell him he's sexy when he does things. Men really miss compliments.

3. She should say how I influence her.

If she has butterflies in her stomach when she is near me, if her heart beats faster when I say or do something, if my kisses turn her on - then let her tell me about it.

Ask questions, ask him to explain something to you, say, in extreme sports, martial arts or cars - and you will be surprised how excited he is!

Hello. Help, please, to understand. I met my husband on the internet. I am from Belarus, he is from Poland. The romance quickly began, they met, the relationship continued for 2 years. Then I came to him. then he came to me, often went on vacation abroad together. It was interesting, exciting, beautiful. He is 13 years older than me, looks great, interesting and very cultured and courteous, calm, well-read and knows exactly what women love .. Just a dream ..) But from the very beginning I felt that he had someone, at least and denied. Was enigmatic. I felt it, but, not "having caught it by the hand," I tried to believe his version. Loved. He began to talk about plans for a family, a child. I started to do repairs in the apartment. He asked me to stop taking birth control pills. I got pregnant. He married me on the 3rd attempt, it was not easy for him to make this decision in practice. I left my job at the embassy, ​​everything and everyone, I came to him. I tried my best - to be affectionate, to love, to care, to remain sexy and attentive. We have an 11 month old son. I don’t know any of his friends (he says he doesn’t have any), only my mother is from my relatives. But she lives far away, she is familiar with her. But I found out that when I went to my parents with a child for 2 months, he met a girl on a dating site and went on vacation to Cyprus, and now he is sitting on a sign-stv site. When the baby was 2 months old, he left for work for 2 weeks, while he himself was in the mountains. (Later I found a history on the Internet, which sites I visited and hotel reservations for 2). She told him directly that I know everything - she does not admit it, even though I even say the last name of the one with whom I went to Cyprus. Now she wrote to him on behalf of another - she offers to go to the Alps on a snowboard together. He chooses all the beautiful girls on the Internet, model appearance, but I am from that plan. And how many times we agreed that we would try to make everything go well. But I constantly think about it, resentment eats. The bitterness is that a small child, a young wife, I try to be all of myself a woman and a mistress, or rather I have become like that, I love to make love to him, we often do this. The dating site comments that he just needs to be led by the nose, like to surprise and expose. She knew practically nothing about him, and much of what she knew turned out to be a complete lie. I learned a lot only after marriage. He is secretive - the phones are password-protected, he does not keep the dock at home. On the other hand, he is a loving father, if I don’t whine and lecture him, don’t make claims, then as an attentive husband, and kind of loving. Says he loves. Tries to provide financially. Likes to give gifts. According to the sign of the zodiac, he is a fish, descriptions of his zodiac sign fit him. I constantly think that he has someone else besides me, that in parallel he lives a different romantic life. And now I’m sure that there are several of them, or he just constantly meets new ones. Once a girl came to our house, he opened the door, I couldn’t talk - but before I saw her photo with him. And he maintains a relationship with the former (I recently found out about this), since it turns out that he also has a son there. I know that he constantly deceives me, and for nothing, and no. He himself says that it is his trait to have his own secrets. I feel bad, it seems that everything is fine at home and there should be no reason to quarrel, but I constantly return to what I learned and think that he likes to take everything from life ... And I know how he loves care for and show the best side of life (and once it was me, and maybe I went out with someone else while we met ...)
It hurts me. And so I can’t decide to leave - I would have to return to my parents with a child, and there are my own problems, I don’t work anymore, and for me he still remains the one and only .. and I don’t believe that I would have found another one and he would be better. I can’t understand him, I don’t know how to behave, I can’t ignore and live for myself when he is at home - I feel good with him. He tries to emphasize how much he loves, how important I am to him. But bad thoughts. What to do? It'll be this way forever? How can I live with my thoughts. I can’t really do anything ... is it possible to somehow change the situation? What does he lack? Write what you think about this. Thank you, sorry for the random thought.

Katerina, Poland, 26 years old

Family Psychologist Answer:

Hello Katherine.

Your husband has formed a certain system of values ​​for himself. He chose one woman to be his wife, but he is not going to deny himself "petty pleasures", he considers this normal. Yes, there are such men. They believe that flirting and sex on the side, provided that it is kept as secret as possible and does not affect the quality of family life, only strengthens the marriage and makes life interesting. Yes, one woman may not be enough for him. And he probably belongs to that breed of men who are always short of emotions, who are in a sense emotional addicts, they need to "shake" themselves as often and as strongly as possible with various adventures and variety. Without it, life seems empty to them. The problem with such men is that they do not know how to draw pleasure from within themselves. They always need powerful incentives from outside. And until your husband consciously comes to the conclusion that he cannot run after ghosts all his life, and that he must learn to draw strong emotions from everyday life (which is quite possible!), he will continue to seek adventure. Moreover, every year an increasing “dose” of emotions will be required, because everything becomes boring ... Can you become such a constant source of diversity, adventure and stress for him (and what he does, in part, is controlled stress something like an extreme sport)? - hardly. You would have to give up just everything in life, including the child, and constantly come up with various kinds of adventures for your husband. There are also such couples, but they, as a rule, do not have children, realizing that they will be together exactly as long as the stress is strong enough. And you want a quiet life, with a normal amount of emotions... I think he will be able to think only when you stop "exposing" him, and openly say that this does not suit you, and that if you continue to observe this, then the only the way out for you will be to leave. Yes, it's tough, but it's the only thing that can shake him up. And this stress can be no less strong for him than the adrenaline from his adventures. Let HE now think what you lack. Moreover, you can openly tell him what. And while you are afraid of losing him, he will know that he can still do whatever he wants. No matter how painful it is, but only the absence of fear of losing him and the determination to go "to the last" can actually sober him up.

Sincerely, Nesvitsky Anton Mikhailovich.