Get off your school! The teenager does not want to study. What about a lazy child? Unexpected advice from a psychologist
Persuasion, compromises and, to be honest, screams and scandals are used. But, as it turned out, in order to get a child to do homework without all these side effects, you just need to leave him alone. How to do it, said Ekaterina Murashova.
The child does not want to do homework. Story one
- I have a wonderful girl. Kind, sympathetic, affectionate, smart. If you ask her, she will always help me with the housework. For all the holidays, he draws pictures for me - “beloved mommy”. She is in the third grade. And he studies well! But look, I'm just crying, because I already have no strength. Why? Now I will say. Everything is fine with her, until it comes to preparing lessons.
She perfectly understands that the lessons still need to be done. Almost every evening we agree with her how everything will be tomorrow: she herself will sit down, they will quickly make them (for her it is not at all difficult), and we will not swear with her. But the next day it comes to the point and she has a hundred excuses: now I’ll finish the game, now I’ll drink some water, I’ll take the cat to my grandmother, my grandmother asked her to get a blanket from the closet (it was last night, but she remembered only now), but tell me me, mom, I have long wanted to ask you ... And all this can drag on for hours! At first I try to restrain myself, I answer calmly: come on then, sit down for lessons, it’s already evening, then you won’t think anything, but in the end I can’t stand it and just yell like a sergeant at a soldier: “Alena, sit down immediately, otherwise I I don't know what I'll do to you!" Here she is offended and begins to cry: “Mom, why are you always yelling at me?! What have I done wrong to you?" And I really feel like some kind of monster, because I have a good girl! But you can't not do lessons! And if everything is left to chance, then she will spend up to ten hours, when she needs to sleep, and not solve mathematics ... What should we do? I don't want to ruin my relationship with my daughter!
The child does not want to do homework. Story two
- The most offensive thing is this: if he still sits down and concentrates, all these lessons will be for him - ugh! In half an hour or an hour everything will be done in the best possible way. When I was little myself, it was called willpower. We trained it ourselves, we understood that this is an important thing for life. So she doesn’t have it, I must responsibly declare this to you. We were with a psychologist before you, back in the fourth grade. She said he had an illness, attention deficit disorder. What a deficit, if he could always assemble Lego (such small parts, you know?) for five hours in a row, and now, if he catches it, the computer goes through such difficult levels that I myself would not have the patience! So it's not about illness, there is simply no responsibility for one's future destiny. And where to come from, if everyone around is only doing what they are entertained? I tell him: you understand, you just need to pull yourself together, sit down and do these damned lessons. And then that's all - walk until the evening, free! He seems to understand, but how it comes to the point ... Mothers and mother-in-law are generally rude. When they complain to me, and I - to him, he answers: I never touch them myself first, let them not climb, these are my lessons, after all ... I tried to clean the computer altogether. It is better with lessons - if there is absolutely nothing to do, they will do. But the mood is bad all the time, the situation in the family is explosive, and in general - the computer is not some kind of evil carrier, it is an important modern tool for everything, including for socialization and obtaining information, it is impossible today for reasons of some dubious it’s good to raise a child in a cave and feed him with roots ... But what to do, this is only the seventh grade, and we actually planned eleven, he has completely normal brains, all the teachers say it in one voice, and I can see it myself, but with such diligence...
The child does not want to do homework. Story three
- Oh, just don't start, please! I've heard this a thousand if not a million times! And I understand everything myself: the tenth grade, we must already get together and think about our future fate. You have to do a lot to pass the exam well ... well, what else is needed? I know everything! And I totally agree with you one hundred percent. My mother doesn’t believe me, she thinks I’m lying to her so that she gets off, but I don’t lie - I myself think all the time that, from tomorrow, from Monday, from the new quarter, I’ll take it properly, pull up what I missed, and I will do all the lessons every day. I really think so! Exactly until the moment when you need to put down the phone, turn off the computer, turn off the music (in our class there are those who can study to music and even to TV, but I can’t, I need silence) and finally sit down. And here is the full blown. You won’t believe it, sometimes I can’t even bring myself to get a textbook with a notebook out of my bag ... Sometimes I think: what am I, some kind of psycho, or something! I’ll force you anyway, I’ll bring the bag, take everything out, just get ready to work out ... And I immediately remember a hundred different things: Vika promised to call, “Vkontakte” I need to look at something urgently, my mother asked me to tighten the faucet in the kitchen on Wednesday ... I understand that There can be no pills for this, but maybe there is some kind of hypnosis?
Have you heard such monologues? Or maybe even pronounce them yourself?
Can you imagine how many thousands (yes, millions!) of parents and children around the world will pronounce them right today!
How to make a child do homework: advice from a psychologist
I want to give you amazing news: I think I know a technique to solve this problem! I want to say right away: this technique was not invented by me, but by a thirteen-year-old boy named Vasily. So if everything is correct and the Nobel Peace Prize in the family is due for solving such a common problem, then it’s not for me, but for him - Vasya.
To be honest, I didn't really believe him at first. It's all very simple. But I am an experimenter in upbringing and education. My first position after graduating from the university was called in the work book - “trainee researcher”.
So I did an experiment. I caught twenty families that in my office uttered monologues similar to the above, told them about Vasya's method, and persuaded them to try, and then report to me. Seventeen out of twenty reported (three simply disappeared from my field of vision). And sixteen out of seventeen - everything worked out!
What do we have to do? Everything is very simple. The experiment lasts two weeks. Everyone is ready for the fact that the child, perhaps, will not do homework during this time. None, never. With little ones, you can even agree with the teacher: the psychologist recommended an experiment to improve the difficult situation in the family, then we’ll work it out, pull it up, we’ll do it, don’t worry, Marya Petrovna. But put deuces, of course.
What's at home?
The child sits down for lessons, knowing in advance that he WILL NOT do them. This is clear? Well, here's the deal. Get books, notebooks, a pen, pencils, a drafting pad ... what else is needed for preparing lessons? Spread everything. But it is precisely TO DO LESSONS - it is not necessary at all. And this is known in advance. WILL NOT do it.
(But if you suddenly want to, then you can, of course, do something a little bit. But it’s completely optional and even undesirable, to be honest).
I completed all the preparatory steps, sat at the table for ten seconds and went, let's say, to play with the cat. Then, when the games with the cat are over, you can go to the table again. See what is asked. Find out if something is not recorded. Open your notebook and textbook to the correct page. Find the right exercise. And DO NOT DO ANYTHING again. Well, if you immediately saw something simple that you can learn in a minute (write, solve, underline), then you will do it. And if you took acceleration and didn’t stop, well, then something else ... But it’s better to leave it for the third approach. But here it is, it’s generally easy. In general, it is planned to get up and go to eat. But not lessons at all ... But this task is not working ... it’s not working ... it’s not working ... Well, okay, now I’ll look at the GDZ solution ... Ah, so that’s what happened! How could I have not guessed something! .. And now what - only English is left? No, it DOES NOT HAVE to be done now. Later. When later? Well, now I’ll just call Lenka ... Why is it that while I’m talking with Lenka, this stupid English gets into my head? Drive him with a filthy broom! More! And further! Lenka, did you do this? But as? I didn’t enter something there ... Ah, that’s how it is there ... Yeah, I wrote it down ... But I won’t do it! NO NEED! And then suddenly I forget what I understood? No, well, it’s easier, of course, to do it now, although I didn’t intend to ... And what is it, it turns out that I have already done all the lessons ?! And there isn't much time yet? And no one forced me? Oh yes I am, well done! Mom did not even believe that I was already done! And then I looked, checked and so delighted!
Well, some such hodgepodge was presented to me by boys and girls reporting on the results of the experiment (from the 2nd to the 10th grade). From the fourth “approach to the projectile”, almost everyone did their homework (many did it earlier, especially the little ones).
How it works?
Well, firstly, for many, the initiation moment itself is really difficult. Sit down (seat the child) for lessons. Then, when they sat down, everything is already easier (if not by itself) goes. Have you ever tried to recharge? Do you agree that the hardest thing is to force yourself to start? It is rare that someone has already stood in a pose on the mat, raised his hands, inhaled and - dropped everything in the middle of the exercise. If he has already started, he will finish it today, most likely ... It's the same here. We carried out preparatory actions without any coercion (I won’t do my homework, I’m free for two weeks, these are such experimental conditions), we successfully overcame the first step, and then a stereotype or something else was already on reflex.
Secondly, there is no resistance at all (to oneself and parents). I'm not going to do my homework. Vice versa. That is, I am not in danger. An experiment by a strange psychologist freed me for a while from a worn-out family record. I'm even curious...
Thirdly, paradoxical intention is included. And what kind of insanity is this? I’ve sorted out the textbooks, found the task, and I already see these examples, figured out how to solve them, here it’s necessary to shorten it ... And what - I won’t write it down now, but will I go watch TV? Some stupidity! No one obligated me to get only deuces during these two weeks! .. On the contrary - everyone will be surprised!
These are kids. Parents, of course, mostly just quietly thrived from the emotional discharge sanctioned by the psychologist.
Result: four children's performance became somewhat worse, but not at all catastrophic. In nine, it remained on average at the same level (but already without parental pressure).
True, almost everyone’s academic performance has changed: it suddenly became clear which subjects the child likes, which are easier, which are harder (this is understandable, because parents put more attention and pressure into what goes worse, and therefore the results there are often The children themselves, of course, did the opposite). that if you leave me behind, everything will be hurt! I'm right? No, now you're right here at the psychologist's, tell me, am I right?! And another child voluntarily refused the experiment on the third day and asked his parents to continue to force him to sit down for lessons, it’s more familiar and easier for him, he is nervous from this experiment and cannot fall asleep ... Mom, having learned from me about the rest of the results, quietly cried in my office and went to seat her child further. If a child asks...
Here is such a technique. I really liked it, to be honest. I share with readers, I'm sure that it will be useful to someone else.
How do you teach your child to do homework?
How to get a teenager to study? This question is asked by many parents whose children entered the age of thirteen - sixteen years. Adolescents become uncontrollable and unpredictable, sometimes showing unmotivated aggression. We often cannot understand what is happening to them and how to respond to a sudden reluctance to fulfill their school duties. Most caring moms and dads grab their heads when their beloved child suddenly refuses to stick to the usual daily routine, and they don’t know how to make a teenager study. The advice of a psychologist will help to understand this difficult issue.
Origins of the problem
The main difference between a young person who is just preparing to enter an independent life and an adult is that he takes everything too seriously. The physiological changes occurring in the body, the teenager perceives as something supernatural. Some psychological difficulties during this period of life can cause him a real panic attack.
Aggression serves as a kind of way to protect a young person from an "unfriendly" outside world. An important point at this time is the question of how to get a teenager to study. The psychology of young men is such that they consider all the advice of elders from the point of view of their own unstable inner world. Perceiving any problem through the prism of their ideas about how life works, they often suffer from excessive impressionability.
Trust communication
This is the first task that a parent should direct his efforts to if he notices a significant decrease in academic performance. Think about what caused this change in your son or daughter's behavior. First of all, you should not think about how to get a teenager to study, but pay attention to his mood with which he sits down to do his homework. Remember that the lessons at school can be incredibly tiring, and there is no need to demand from the child that he studies only "good" and "excellent". After all, grades don't mean anything in life. The knowledge itself is important and, of course, the ability to apply it.
Confidential communication between parents and children begins at the moment when they give up the need to blame each other for anything. Share your anxieties, thoughts, feelings, experiences with your own son or daughter. You should not think that a teenager is so selfish that he is not able to pay attention to the emotions of others. It must be said that, on the contrary, it strongly depends on the reaction of close relatives and friends to certain events. Tell your child about what happened during the day, then he will also have a need to share his pain with you.
Organization of a place for classes
Many children do not have enough personal space in the family. Individual boundaries should be available for each person. Only in this case he will feel comfortable and free. If a child is deprived of the opportunity of privacy in his own room and is constantly forced to interact with household members pushing back and forth, this tires everyone. The son or daughter may become irritable. There can be no question of how to get a teenager to study.
Proper organization of a place for classes is a necessary condition for successful learning. You will see, the child will become much more disciplined if he knows that he has a separate corner at home for preparing lessons. This approach to learning will eventually lead to very unexpected results. It is not uncommon for boys and girls in high school to begin to master subjects more deeply just because they had the appropriate conditions in their apartment. If the question of how to get a teenager to study well is relevant for you, take note of this simple advice.
Individuality
Is your child lazy, shy, or, on the contrary, extremely active? Whatever he is, try not to put pressure on him with your demands regarding the learning process. Studying at school is not an easy task, the result depends on many factors. You should not think about how to make a teenager do well at school if you are not interested in his inner state. First of all, pay attention to the education of individuality. Believe me, the child will be incredibly grateful to you for this. You do not need to look at your own children as people who are obliged to live up to your expectations.
Practice shows that the more you place hopes on your own child, the less chance he has of actually realizing them. Be proud of your children in any case, and not just when they get good grades or win at school olympiads. The development of individuality begins with the realization that the child in itself is a great value. How to get a teenager to study? Just do not stop him from being himself, to reveal his own inner world.
Timely Praise
It will come in handy when certain difficulties arise with understanding a particular topic. Remember that school subjects are not always easy. A kind word can heal the soul, direct it to the right path, try to take the first timid step. In order not to constantly wonder how to get a teenager to go to school, it is better to praise your own child more. You will be surprised how the child will begin to bloom right before your eyes. This approach will help him form an adequate self-esteem and achieve great victories in the future.
Motivating conversation
Sometimes it is still necessary to take certain steps in relation to the child and his progress. How to get a child - a teenager to study? In the event that he strongly rejects the process of obtaining new knowledge, one should be patient. Show firmness of character, conduct an appropriate conversation. Explain why it is so important to get a good education in life, which can give the ability to assimilate the necessary information.
Rejection of notations
Most parents sin by constantly showering their own child with reproaches. This cannot be done. Remember that a teenager values freedom and independence more than anything else. Conflict with parents cannot be avoided when they make too stringent demands. Even if the child made a significant mistake, you should not constantly remind him of the mistake. Refusal of notations allows you to achieve a greater effect than the constant desire to teach.
Interest in the subject
Remember: surely you also had an unloved lesson at school, from which you really wanted to run away, leaving all the excitement behind? Trust that the modern student is capable of experiencing the same feelings. Not everyone finds it easy to study mathematics or the Russian language. However, it is worth remembering that any subject can be made interesting if you connect your imagination. Offer your child help.
Take a look at the object under study from the other side, you may be able to find something useful for yourself. Read together a boring and uninteresting (as it seems) literary work and see how fascinating it will become in the eyes of a teenager. The main thing is that he can get more fresh impressions.
Prioritize
The problem in teaching many children is that they do not have the skill of a clear distribution of the load. When they come home after school, the first thing they do is sit down at the computer. Not everyone knows how to get distracted in time and switch to doing homework. Some students end up in class with unfinished lessons. Needless to say, teachers are increasingly dissatisfied with them? This is how academic performance falls, and the child loses interest in learning.
Help a Teenager A girl or a boy of thirteen or sixteen years old already has a sufficiently developed consciousness and will in order to be able to organize themselves. They only need to clearly understand why to do this or that lesson and why now. Explain to the child why it is necessary to complete the most difficult tasks first: the head is still fresh, it is easy to assimilate the material. Let there be time in the day to communicate with friends, go to the cinema, and not just sit endlessly behind textbooks. When the day is scheduled by the hour, he himself will be surprised that he will be able to do more, and in the meantime, the grades will become much higher.
positive attitude
In any case, it is important to maintain good spirits and optimism. The child must learn that there are no unsolvable problems. Demonstrate by your own example that any difficulties can be overcome if you tackle them with a smile. helps to increase concentration, thoughtful study of educational material.
Thus, there are many ways to get a teenager to learn. set out in this article are aimed primarily at establishing personal contact, the formation of mutual understanding between an adult and a child.
It is no secret that for many parents, the question of how to get a child to do homework is especially relevant. And this is not an idle question. After all, often preparing homework becomes a big test for the whole family.
Remember how many tears, experiences it took to learn what century Yuri Dolgoruky was born in or how to calculate the integral equation! How many children remember with hatred their school years, the teachers who tortured them with exorbitant household chores, the parents who forced them to do these jobs under duress! Let's not repeat these mistakes. But how do you teach your children to learn? Let's try with the help of psychologists to give some answers to these difficult questions.
Why does the child refuse to work?
The first question that parents must answer for themselves is why the child does not want to study at home? There are a lot of answers to it.
A child may simply be afraid to make a mistake when doing homework, he may simply be lazy, afraid of the parents themselves, he may simply lack motivation for homework. Also, a child may simply be tired of the fact that he has a lot of study load, because, in addition to a regular school, he attends a musical institution, an art circle and a chess section. It's like A. Barto, "Drama circle, photo circle ...". At this point, it’s true, there are too many things for a child to do, so he has to unconsciously refuse something. So he refuses to do homework.
However, schoolchildren have plenty of other motives for refusing to complete lessons. But parents must go through all the options in their minds and find the only correct answer that fits the character of their child. Moreover, it should be remembered that homework in a modern school is a very difficult task, often, in order to complete it, the efforts of literally all family members are needed. After all, programs are becoming more and more complicated, even in the first grade today a child should already read about 60 words per minute. It's in the third quarter! But before, our mothers and fathers, being first-graders themselves, learned only to add letters.
Well, if the parents have identified the reasons why the child refuses to do homework, then they need to accustom themselves to patience and understand that the difficult mission of home mentors awaits them.
Let's talk about motivation
The key to success in this case is the positive motivation of the child to do homework. It takes a lot of effort to build that motivation. First of all, these efforts are based on positive school experience. If your child is not doing well at school, then he will perceive homework as a continuation of school torture.
Therefore, positive motivation is developed, first of all, within the walls of the school, and only then at home. Here we can talk about the need for close interaction between the school and the family.
Well, what about those parents who understand that they cannot find an answer to the question of how to make a child do homework without scandals, due to the fact that the child simply does not like the school that he has to go to every day? Such parents can be advised to solve this issue on principle, up to changing schools or finding another teacher.
In general, fathers and mothers need to be very sensitive in matters of schooling. It also happens that in the classroom the child gets the unenviable role of “stuffed animal”, “whipping boy”, relations with classmates do not add up, others offend your child. Naturally, he does not want to study at all. After all, how can you go to school if you are not loved and offended there? What is the right way to do homework...
Does age play a role?
Much in this matter is decided by the age at which the child himself is. It happens, for example, that a child does not want to do homework, grade 1, in which he is still studying, simply has not yet formed the correct positive motivation. In this case, it is much easier to interest such a first grader than an older student.
In general, parents of first-graders need to remember that their children go through an adaptation process in the first quarter. Therefore, the problem of how to make a child do homework without scandals is not yet so significant. There will be scandals in this case. But there is a chance that they will stop when your son or daughter goes through the difficult process of adjusting to first grade.
Also, parents of first-graders need to remember that it is the 1st grade that is the “golden time” on which all the future successes or failures of their child depend. After all, this is the period when your son or daughter understands what school is, why you need to study, what they want to achieve in their class. The personality of the first teacher is also very important in this matter. It is a wise and kind teacher who can become for your child that guide to the world of knowledge, a person who will show the way to life. Therefore, the personality of such a teacher is very important for children! If a first-grader is afraid of his teacher, does not trust him, then this, of course, will have a very bad effect on his studies and the desire to do homework.
How to make a high school student do homework?
But this is a more difficult question. After all, parents can still put pressure on the baby, they can force him, using, in the end, their authority, but what about the offspring, who is in a transitional age? After all, nothing can force such a child to learn. Yes, it is much more difficult to cope with a teenager. Here you need patience, tact, the ability to understand. Parents need to think about the question of how to do homework with a child without screaming, because, perhaps, often they themselves simply provoke a conflict, unable to stand it and blaming their grown-up son or daughter for all sins. And teenagers react very sharply to criticism, it is difficult for them to cope with it, as a result they simply refuse to do the work that is given at home at school.
The transitional age in which schoolchildren are from 12 to 14-15 years old can seriously affect a student's progress. Children at this moment experience serious physical and psychological stress, often they experience their first love, strive to impress their peers. What kind of education is there? And parents at this age become a kind of opponents for children, because a teenager seeks to break away from his family, to get the right to manage his own life. Overly authoritarian parents in this case begin to put a lot of pressure on their children to call them to obedience. But they do not always achieve this obedience, but it happens that the child begins to protest. And often the refusal to do homework is the result of this protest.
Teach Children Responsibility
A good help for all parents who seek to build relationships with their child, and at the same time make their son or daughter study well, is to find the answer to the question of how to teach a child to do homework on his own? After all, if you teach your child from the very first years at school to the fact that he himself must be responsible for his actions, then perhaps this responsibility will accompany him all the remaining school years. In general, it is very important to teach children to understand that everything in life depends on their actions, on their desires and aspirations.
Think about why your child is studying, what did you inspire him? Did you tell him that he is studying for a career that lies ahead of him in a nebulous future? Did you explain to him that the learning process is a kind of work, difficult work, the result of which will be knowledge about the world of people that cannot be bought for money? Think about what you are talking with your child, what are you teaching him?
Therefore, before analyzing the problem of if the child does not learn lessons, what to do with him, try to understand yourself. And don't forget about the example you set for your children. After all, your attitude to work, housework will also become a kind of incentive for your children to study. Therefore, with all your appearance, demonstrate that studying has always been an interest to you, continue to study with your children, even if you are already 40 years old!
Use methodical techniques!
Of course, it is worth remembering about modern methodological techniques. There are many such methods. Most of them, however, are aimed at helping children of primary school age. These are various games that are held before and after doing homework, stimulating the cognitive activity of children, retelling, and so on. An old methodical technique is to draw up a daily routine for a child. Even your first grader needs to know how much time he has for school, extracurricular activities, games and, of course, lessons. After all, you, being preoccupied with the problem of how to make a child do homework, should help in every possible way in this.
Do not do homework instead of your son or daughter!
Very often, parents make another pedagogical mistake. From a very early age, they teach their child to what lessons do with him instead of him. The child quickly realizes that his task is simply to do, to rewrite what mom or dad has already prepared for him. Don't make this mistake! Thus, you accustom your child to the fact that without labor, at the expense of others, much can be achieved in life. And it turns out, as in Dragunsky's story "Vasya's dad is strong ...". Don't be like mom and dad. Remember, you must know the answer to the question of how to teach a child to do their homework on their own. This is your parental duty!
Another common mistake is the excessive ambition of parents who want to make young geniuses out of their children at all costs. Moreover, such parents often simply “break” the psyche of their children themselves, simply forgetting that they should be concerned about the problem of how to teach a child to do homework, and not about how to raise a young talent in all subjects.
Very often, homework in such families turns into torture for children. Mom or dad forces a son or daughter to rewrite the same task several times, achieving its perfect completion, parents find fault with trifles, they are stingy with praise. So what is left for the kids to do? Of course, after some time, children refuse to work, fall into tantrums, showing with all their appearance that they simply cannot become young geniuses, as their parents want them to. But this is still the easiest case. But it happens that parents inspire their children with a “complex of an excellent student or an excellent student”, setting him tasks that their children simply cannot complete.
For example, an ambitious mother, who has raised her son alone all her life, dreams of him becoming a great violinist and giving his concerts all over the world. Her son really successfully studies at a music school, but he could not rise above the level of a music school, let's say this: he simply did not have enough talent and patience. And what should such a mother do, who in her imagination has already elevated her son to the rank of great musicians of our time? She does not need an ordinary loser son ... And how can this young man be reproached for the fact that nature did not make him a genius?
Or another example. Parents dream of their daughter defending her doctoral dissertation. Moreover, it is not even very important for them that scientific direction within which this should be done. The girl is instilled with this family dream from a young age, she is required to achieve wonderful results in a scientific career, but the girl has intellectual abilities only above average, as a result, her desire for a degree ends in a mental hospital.
Agree that these examples are sad, but they are the very flesh of our real life. Often, very often, parents do this with their children.
What if the subject is simply not given?
It also happens that the subject is simply not given to the child. Well, your son or daughter does not have the ability for physics or chemistry, for example. What to do in this case? How to make a child do homework if he does not understand anything, simply does not understand how to solve this or that task? Here, parental patience alone is no longer enough. You need endurance, tact, and another person who can explain a difficult task to a child. In this case, it would be wiser for parents to hire a tutor for their son or daughter to help resolve this issue in a positive way.
Is it possible to do lessons for money or gifts?
Recently, parents have begun to use a simple method of manipulation, which is simply called bribery. Its essence lies in the fact that a father or mother, without thinking about an objective solution to the question of how to properly do homework with a child, simply seeks to bribe their child with various promises. It can be both sums of money, and just gifts: a cell phone, a bicycle, entertainment. However, it is worth warning all parents against this method of influencing children. This is ineffective because the child will start demanding more and more over and over again. There are a lot of homework every day, and now your child is not satisfied with just a smartphone, he needs an iPhone, and he has the right to it, because he is studying, he will fulfill all school requirements, etc. And then, imagine how harmful the habit for their daily work, which is the responsibility of the child, to demand from their parents any handouts.
What should parents do? Psychologist's opinion
Experienced specialists in the field of psychology advise parents to help their child do homework. You need to help with a mind and a loving heart. In general, a sense of proportion is ideal here. In this case, the parent must be both strict and demanding, and kind, and fair. He must have patience, remember tact, respect the personality in his child, not strive to make a genius out of his son or daughter, understand that each person has his own character, inclinations and abilities.
It is very important to show the child that he is always dear to his parents. You can tell your son or daughter that the father or mother is proud of him, proud of his academic success and believe that he can overcome all his academic difficulties on his own. And if there is a problem in the family - the child does not do homework, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy in resolving it.
Finally, all parents should remember that children always need our support. Studying for a child is a real job with its problems, ups, successes and falls. Children change a lot in the process of schooling, they acquire new character traits, learn not only to understand the world, but also to learn. And of course, teachers and their closest and most faithful comrades, parents, should help children along this path!
Keep him busy!
Why do we so want the child to be busy more often - lessons, circles and sections, "useful" books? Parents experience understandable parental anxiety-desire: to give everything to their children. But adults often set an impossible task: their children should get the most out of life, and education - so it seems to them - will greatly contribute to this. Often, parents are involved in something like a competition: one of the children of their acquaintances has already mastered a foreign language or wins olympiads, and this encourages them to expect similar success from their own children. Often parents are afraid of the child's free time, because, of course, he will "do the wrong thing", that is, he will succumb to the destructive temptations of simply wasting time.
Why is a child's refusal to comply with these requests perceived as laziness? It’s generally easier to call laziness what in psychology is called “resistance”. At the same time, the word “laziness” has a clearly condemning connotation and there is an obvious “culprit” - this is the one who is actually lazy. Thus, it is much easier to transfer responsibility for children's resistance to the child himself, to call him “laziness”, to blame him and not to figure out what exactly his passive behavior is connected with.
Parents and teachers are generally not inclined to seek part of their participation in the formation of this resistance. It’s more convenient: in this case, the child is lazy.
Causes of laziness
The child has no desire of his own in what is to be done. In fact, there are very few children who have formed a learning motivation, for example, because there are not many schools that are engaged in the formation of this motivation. When adults have created a developing and appropriate environment (ideally) for each child, the desire to learn allows the child to engage in tasks with interest, and he does not appear lazy. If the learning process is built boring, uninteresting, unified, in accordance with someone's ambitions or concepts, and not in accordance with the age and interests of specific children, then the children are "lazy".
child under stress. The need to learn, like the need to develop, can only arise when the need for security is satisfied. But our children at school often experience real stress. Strong experiences (fear, shame, tension) take away both strength and the ability to think, respond, do something at the right pace. It takes a lot of energy for a child to process these feelings. Therefore, he may look tired, "braking", asthenic, apathetic. It may seem to you that it is impossible to get so tired in 4-5 lessons, and you will begin to suspect him of laziness. Although in this case it is worth talking with him about his experiences: fears, anxieties, tensions associated with the school. Ask, for example: “Was something difficult for you there? Is it related to the teacher, the subject, other children?” And then deal with what he will answer.
Pressure resistance. Your pressure and desire to make someone smart and capable out of a child causes a lot of resistance, because the psyche is arranged in such a way that identity, that is, one’s own “I”, is protected most of all. Therefore, if your child still resists you from his "I" to do something else, then he is still healthy, but when his resistance weakens or you break him, then something more serious and sad can happen. than just a "lazy" child.
Low self-esteem, perfectionism, self-doubt can also lead to a refusal to work, which can easily be mistaken for "laziness". In fact, if parents are very critical of the child, “reflect” him mainly in terms of character flaws and complexities, then all that the child knows about himself is that he is somehow “not like that”. And this means that he will most likely do everything somehow “wrong”. And then why should he do this if he will hear only discontent and criticism from his parents and teachers? Children who are lagging behind are often completely demotivated, as are the children of perfectionist parents, because it becomes impossible to please these adults and receive positive feedback, kind words, and positive evaluations.
Pressure and resistance
Children need rules and boundaries. The border is “you will go to school because we have universal secondary education by law. You can't not go there (except on special occasions)." Pressure is when you force him to want when he does not want to change when he cannot, that is, when you do not require any important actions, but want him, the child, to be different: to feel what you need , reacted as you need. The most "terrible" thing a parent can do to kill a child's motivation is to start considering his school as his business. It is very important that the child learns on his own, masters the school requirements himself and can ask his parents for help. And it was not the parent who controlled, checked and, in fact, went through the school curriculum together, or even instead of the child. If the child is responsible for his own learning, then he is also responsible for the results of this learning. Estimates then him, his victories and his mistakes. But if a mother collects a portfolio, checks assignments, makes projects, the child will willy-nilly go into a passive position, wait for her mother's controlling or managing instructions. Our task is only to help the child learn to study in the first grade, and not all children need this kind of help.
“I got completely lazy!”
It would be nice, before accusing the child of laziness and "doing nothing", to ask what exactly he is doing now - even if you found him lying on the couch and listening to music. Worried? You can remind him of upcoming tasks and ask when he plans to complete them. You can get upset because of bad grades, especially if you understand that the child has not invested much in the result, for example, say: “I am very upset that you did not prepare as you should have and got a deuce.” You can ask “Do you need help?” because laziness, as we have already described, can be a symptom of some kind of experience or difficulty that has arisen. Or you can say, "I think it's very important for you to put everything aside for now and start preparing for the test."
The main thing to remember is that “doing nothing” is a way for a child to relax, be with himself, digest what happened, assimilate, appropriate what happened. This is an opportunity to relieve yourself of responsibility, because you get tired of it. The opportunity to immerse yourself in yourself, get in touch with some creative ideas. It is an absolutely necessary skill to listen to yourself, because in the race and the series of events and tasks, it is sometimes impossible to feel even the most trivial needs and feelings. A child who is able to listen and hear himself will be much more successful in building his life. He will not need to break and betray himself, which means that all his energy will be spent on creation, and not on resistance.
What to do?
Create a development environment. For example, send it to a school where they understand: they teach not subjects, but teach children. Do not force the child to read while you watch TV, but read yourself - a lot and with the children, discuss what you read. If parents are passionate about their work, it is both contagious and perceived as the norm. Captivate with the game, support in the need to show diligence, rejoice when something difficult succumbed to the child.
Give time. Sometimes the child's desire to do something must mature, become apparent. But we often do not give children time for this. A child thinking and “loitering” around the house causes irritation and anxiety for many parents: one wants to quickly load him with something useful. What he himself wants can remain unclear if he rushes or offers his own.
Reflect. Any child does something well, and this is not always related to learning. "Volumetric perception" of one's own personality allows the child, and then the adult, to find support within himself. Even skills and qualities that are far from learning, such as “you are charming”, “you are able to help”, “you know how to negotiate”, “you are stubborn”, then help to rely on yourself and feel successful.
Help to see progress and enjoy it. The idea “You get better and better every time” builds self-esteem and motivation, unlike the words “it’s good to try harder” that many parents love. This phrase seems to cancel the child's small but important victory over himself, forbids him to "rest on his laurels." A child who is used to winning will be happy to look for new victories, and those who have the feeling of victory all the time are taken away, will more often “give up”.
How do you get your child to go to school? Parents want their children to be successful in their studies because they understand that this is the only way to achieve anything in life. That is why they try to arrange children in prestigious educational institutions. True, little depends on the chosen school. It is important that throughout the course of study the student has a desire to learn. Few children understand the importance of learning. There are, of course, very responsible children who listen attentively to the teacher in the classroom, and at home do all the necessary types of work, but there are few of them.
There are also students who do not want to study at all. They do not like to perform tasks that require at least minimal mental effort. In no case should parents of such students let learning take its course. We must systematically make additional efforts to keep children interested in learning. These 10 tips from a psychologist will help make your child learn well.
1. Create a good learning environment.
The student's workplace at home should be well and properly equipped. Sounds from other rooms should not be heard here. It should be clean, comfortable and light.
2. Teach your child to set goals.
Goals should be achievable in relatively short periods of time. If the goal is easy to achieve, learning is not so scary at all.
3. Do not demand too much from the child.
Some parents constantly put pressure on the child to always do well in school. But this is not always possible. The inability to achieve the goals set by parents often leads to the development of depression in the child, bad behavior and disgust for learning.
4. Show that studying is important.
Many of the students who do poorly in school do not understand why they go to school at all. There are more interesting things for them, and the school serves as a hindrance to them. It is important for such children to tell why they need to study, what education gives and how it will all be useful in the future life.
5. Use interesting teaching methods.
This applies more to teachers. Children always engage in interesting activities with greater desire than routine and boring ones. Although, however, this is a controversial issue. If the child does not like to study for a very long time, there is practically no knowledge in various subjects, and the school does not cause anything but disgust, then no matter what methods of work you use, it is almost impossible to interest the student. It is possible that parents will be able to help the child here, if they have enough imagination, it is interesting to work with him on homework.
6. Concentrate on those areas of knowledge that arouse the greatest interest in the child.
Each child has their own interests. Some are attracted to music and musical performers, others are attracted to computer games. If the subjects studied at school are at least minimally in contact with similar topics, learning will become much more interesting.
7. Encourage the child.
Encouragement and praise work wonders. If the child is depressed, it is useless to scold him and force him to study. It is best to praise him for what he can do. You will see that each time he will want to do more and more.
8. Help learn.
Many parents believe that only the school should educate the child, so they do not consider it necessary to help him deal with difficult homework. But many students do not like to study just because they do not understand any subject or even several. If parents put aside their affairs and help the child with this, he will have much more interest in learning.
9. Encouragement of competition.
It is absolutely not necessary to force the child to be the best in everything, but it is necessary to praise him if he wrote the test or answered the lesson best of all in the class. The desire to get a good grade in the next lesson will help the child to better prepare for the lesson.
10. Reward for achievement.
For great success in the study of a child, you can not only praise, but also give him a small gift. Some parents do not know what to give their children, so they often give them money, especially if the children are in high school. This is not always the right approach. The same goes for gifts. Children quickly get used to such an attitude and without gifts in the future they simply don’t want to do anything. If you're still on a tight budget, this might not be worth it.
Lack of motivation in learning is a serious problem among students. Teachers and parents can help to arouse their interest in learning. The simplest means is praise and encouragement. With these simple methods, children are able to overcome the reluctance to learn and be able to achieve academic success.