Statuses about mother-in-law and husband. Cool statuses, aphorisms and jokes about the mother-in-law

26.06.2019

P Why are there a lot of jokes about the mother-in-law, but not a single one about the mother-in-law?
Because the mother-in-law is too sad a topic for jokes...

TO when people meet me on the street, I call myself Elizabeth and ... I give my mother-in-law's phone number

P monday. I saw my daughter-in-law with some man. Of course, lover. I'm calling my son!
Tuesday. I saw my daughter-in-law with some girl. Of course, go for the men. I'm calling my son!
Wednesday. I saw my daughter-in-law with a child. Of course, her work up. I'm calling my son!
Thursday. I saw my daughter-in-law with a bag from the supermarket. Of course, I arranged shopping, a spender. I'm calling my son!
Friday. I saw my bride. Of course, the lover suffered. I'm calling my son!
Saturday. My son called, reminded me that he got divorced three years ago. Damn sclerosis!
Sunday. Call your son or don't call...

P The daughter-in-law comes to visit her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law is very happy and offers to have lunch, looks into the refrigerator and says:
- Sveta, will you have liver sausage?
- No, thanks.
- Chu, and my cat doesn't want to.

- TO how to strike sparks for the extinguished fire of love?
- Push foreheads mother-in-law with mother-in-law.

A Do you know why mothers-in-law don't like their daughters-in-law? They think that we have drunken parties, partying and men on our minds!? Bitches remember their youth!

TO my mother-in-law drank a ticket ... to the circus ... in the 1st row ... to a performance with live tigers ... I sit rubbing her shoes with meat.

WITH forever refers to the daughter-in-law:
- What are you doing with the dirt? There is such blackness in the pan, barely washed?
- This? Yes... Teflon coating

TO Every daughter-in-law must definitely remember: her husband's mother is the most wonderful and wise woman in the world. Therefore, it is better to stay away from her and her wisdom, so mutual love will be even stronger and brighter.

WITH forever - the external manager of the family, confidently leading it to self-destruction

Z once the mother-in-law went to the daughter-in-law. I just passed by, went in ... From another city ... A couple of thousand kilometers ... With a suitcase ... Drink tea ... For half a year ... And better for good ...

WITH vekrov wanted to check the daughter-in-law. I wrote her a note:
- I know everything, benefactor.
The answer lies on the table in the morning:
- I know everything too, my daughter-in-law.

WITH mother-in-law is such a very terrible mother-in-law!

T ost for the mother-in-law from the daughter-in-law:
“I wish you everything that you wish me ... And doubly so.”

G they will say that if you complain to your husband's grandmother about your mother-in-law, she has every chance of getting it as a daughter-in-law

IN In a family quarrel, two are always to blame! Husband and mother-in-law...

Z the mother-in-law stinks to the daughter-in-law:
- Well, how is my son?
- Yes, how, how ... He drinks vodka, drags around the women, beats me ...
- Well, thank God, if only I didn’t get sick! ..

D The girl in the store chooses vases.
Saleswoman: “Who are you choosing a vase for?”
Girl: "Mother-in-law!"
Saleswoman: “Then take the URNOCHKA better!”

X a good mother-in-law remembers that she was also a daughter-in-law ...

P the mother-in-law gave the daughter-in-law 2 blouses, the daughter-in-law ran into the room, put on one of them, went out and sat down at the table.

I When I go to my mother-in-law, I immediately say from the threshold: -
Claudia Petrovna! I don’t have a mind, I don’t have money either, I don’t do anything around the house, and your son could marry a much better woman!
And while she remembers what I missed on this list, I add:
- Your unlucky daughter-in-law finished the report! Allow me to go to my friends - prostitutes, just like me! "

X good girls pretend to adore their mother-in-law, bad girls are unfamiliar with her, smart girls live at a distance of at least a thousand miles from their mother-in-law

D For a Dutch mother-in-law, the main thing is that the daughter-in-law is a woman

D dear mother-in-law, I don't need your advice on raising my children. I live with your child ... and we still have to work and work on it!

"IN our time was not like that!”, which means that you, daughter-in-law, do not care to buy: an automatic machine, a dishwasher, a laptop, a mobile phone, good cosmetics, beautiful underwear, diapers for a child and educational toys, and much more

IN met two girlfriends. "Well, how is your family life?" one asks. “What kind of life is there,” another sighs. - He has one light in the window - his mom, only dances around her ... ”-“ And look at yourself, - says the girlfriend, - unkempt, in a wrinkled bathrobe. Try to meet your husband perfumed, in chic underwear, you will see; he won’t even remember his mother.” On the same day, the young wife bought expensive French black lingerie and in the evening meets her husband “fully armed”, but he shied away from her in horror: “God, you are all in black - what’s with mom? ..”

WITH The most important thing in a dispute with a husband is to win over the mother-in-law.

H The new mother-in-law runs up to her husband and says:
- Wan, yes, the daughter-in-law smokes!
- Well, to hell with her, she smokes (calmly)
The next evening.
- Wan, yes, she sucks x% of him!
- So what? Maybe quit smoking...

H I wish my mother-in-law wouldn’t amuse herself, if only she wasn’t a daughter-in-law ...

L their mother in law half the city no hook

M the father says to his son:
- This girl of yours is so disgusting to me that I will gladly become her mother-in-law!

H The sister-in-law did not call her mother-in-law and father-in-law in any way. Well, no way. Neither mom-dad, nor by name-patronymic. Mother-in-law was embarrassed. And then one day, having prepared dinner, the mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law:
- Go call my husband and yours - dinner is ready.
And she overhears - what will she call something? And she went out on the porch and shouted:
- Hey, MY, go home, and call HIM - SHE ordered!

M it’s easier for men, their mothers-in-law always love ...

D urn mother-in-law - a disaster, tipsy - a natural disaster

H I recently found out that my mother-in-law
She was Bulgarian on her father's side.
So that's why she
I sawed all my life, all the way to the end.

M my mother-in-law, seeing her grandson for the first time, told me:
- Not a bit like my son at all!
Then I had to lift up my skirt and answer her:
- Look here, mom, this is n * zda, not a copier!

P Mother-in-law's visit does not bode well... She will conduct an exam. What subject? Housekeeping, of course! According to the KBO (quality of consumer service) of her dear son. To do this, as a guest, tasting the dishes of the daughter-in-law, and in her absence, analyzing the contents of the refrigerator and kitchen shelves, testing for dust, including in hard-to-reach corners of the apartment, checking the closet with clothes, plus taking testimony from her son about what is happening with her absence. If there are children, then an additional assessment of MUV (Maternal services of a grandson, granddaughter). Assessing the quality of intimate services is somehow embarrassing, and why? For good human qualities, you can add half a point or even a whole point. Most likely, you will not immediately know about the results of the exam, but you will understand everything by the atmosphere in the house after the departure of the mother-in-law. If not everything is fatal, then just ventilate the apartment, take a rag and wash your favorite corners. May God keep you!

L the best contraceptive is a mother-in-law who came at the wrong time ... she has a scent, or something

WITH mother-in-law’s advice is a switch between “I told you!”, “Well, I wanted it better” and “I couldn’t say that”, depending on the consequences

Z apostles and beliefs of the classical mother-in-law:

Sister-in-law's lockers are my lockers
My son's or my son's wife's apartment is my apartment
Whenever I come, I'm always welcome
Don't be silent - give TSU
Good upbringing of grandchildren is my merit, bad upbringing is daughter-in-law's omission

WITH they don’t choose an eyelid - it goes to the load

E If my mother-in-law drowns in the sea among the sharks, she will beat them up so that they throw her ashore

D evochki, remember, the words of her husband “You are just like my mother!” are not a compliment!

TO How do you get along with your mother-in-law? How to become friends with her? How to get her maternal love and support? How to find the Philosopher's Stone? How to pick a fern flower? How to move to Mars? Read the answers to these and other questions in the new magazine "Delicious Ideas"

E x son, you are such a handsome man: young (only 38 years old) tall - as much as 16o cm, educated - he graduated from school with almost no twos. Housing provided (well, remember that dorm room). You work in a responsible position as a loader. It's too early for you to marry, son. The princess who would be worthy of you has not yet been born.

D ve girlfriends meet, one says: I watched such a terrible movie yesterday, "Island of Mother-in-Laws" is called!

P aren says to mother:
- Mother! I got a girlfriend! I want to introduce you to her, but she is very shy. Therefore, she will come to us with two friends. And you just guess which of the three girls is mine.
Indeed, three girls come to visit, they drink tea. The guy approaches his mother in the kitchen:
- Well, mom, which of the three girls is mine?
- The one that sits in the middle.
- Mother! How did you guess?
- Maternal instinct, son! She's already annoying me!

The mother-in-law from the joke is a loving mother of a spineless son whose greedy wife is an unscrupulous bitch.

The mother-in-law would have been more or less caught, living a thousand and a half miles from us.

Vosia is my mother-in-law. The strange name means Mandavosia, which, in fact, it is.

Mother-in-law works as a speech therapist. Warns that fish harms the child. The fish is always silent in the water - this property of dumbness with the abundant use of seafood can spread to my child.

Best Status:
A wise mother-in-law teaches her son, who complains about his wife: “After all, he took a pretty and well-mannered girl as his wife. Who spoiled Marina with absenteeism and antics?

I open the door of the house and ask: “Who is alive in the house?” The mother-in-law is topless. After looking with hatred, he hides again in the kitchen, continuing to fry cutlets. Whom did mother expect in such an outfit?

The mother-in-law arrived, began to generalize and found a certain object for love pleasures under the bed. When asked about the mysterious object, the daughter-in-law got her bearings, calling it a rolling pin. Now we roll out the dough with a new rolling pin. If the guests see

Borscht will turn out delicious if the mother-in-law is kind and indulgent, and the spouse is hungry and impatiently excited.

It’s easier for men, their mothers-in-law love ...

Mom: Only when you go do not bring tea to your mother-in-law, she tells me that she doesn’t like it very much !! - Okay, then I'll pass it on))

I come home from work by shouting “who is there?!?” topless mother-in-law runs 0_O, wearing a bathrobe, returns to the kitchen and continues to cook..

I have no boyfriend. I have a mother in law...

I have a golden husband, golden children, and I melted down my golden mother-in-law and now I have a golden watch, a ring and a bracelet

Here men constantly say that their mother-in-laws are monsters ... they just didn’t have a mother-in-law

The mother-in-law bought the child a set called “reptiles”. The set includes a triceratops, a pterodactyl, a crocodile, a couple of cacti and a palm tree... a penguin... a lion... and a white cat... I missed something in biology class.

The wise mother-in-law answered her son’s complaints: “You married a good one!? Who ruined it for you?"

Saturday morning cannot start well with an early call from the future mother-in-law.

Girl, you can leave a message for the “Mother-in-law” subscriber: “You are an old witch, how long will you get me?! And your son is a moron, so live together! Girl, can I subscribe Anonymous?

The mother-in-law chastises her daughter-in-law: “You don’t know how to take revenge, you cook meals poorly, you saw my son, well, what kind of woman are you?!? Here I am at your age ... - You are at my age, mother, - the daughter-in-law answers, - you have already buried your third husband ...: D

And my dad always says to me: “When you go with a guy to his house, it’s better not to eat with his parents, otherwise the mother-in-law will immediately refuse” ... Damn it ..

I have a golden husband, golden children and a golden bouillon cube. And we melted down the mother-in-law and now I still have a gold bracelet and a ring)))

Are you on a witch hunt? look at mother in law

Have you seen a snake wrapping around a bowl at the hospital?! So this is my mother-in-law eating ice cream!

Mother-in-law, how much bitterness is in this word. It’s not all right for her, you cook poorly, wash poorly, and not a couple at all. Berry pancake ((

A: “your dog bit my mother-in-law 3 times” B “sorry, I don’t even know what to do with it ...” A: “sell it to me!!!”

The wise mother-in-law answered her son’s complaints: “You married a good one!? Who ruined it for you?"

how I love it when the future mother-in-law takes care of you, gives you chocolates .. and you quietly whisper: I LOVE!

The younger one sleeps in the stroller, while the older one rides a bicycle. I have an apple in my hands, I feed the elder (I drove up, bit and left). my mother-in-law came, standing next to me, talking to me. without blinking, I put an apple in her mouth and put it ...

Mother-in-law came to visit. I crawled under the bed. And there is a certain item from the sex shop, you know .. Says - What is it? I was confused and answer - rolling pin. So right now she is in the kitchen rolling dumplings for her. Soon the guests will come ... What to do then?

Everything was calm in our apartment until my mother-in-law saw that I was washing the floors with a mop, on which her panties were wound.

What does the status of the mother-in-law imply? Every bride is different. For all cases, a corresponding phrase has been prepared.

Joking statuses about the mother-in-law

If you notice that "mom" is clearly unhappy with your wedding, promise that the next one will definitely be much better.
Only a mother who has raised her own well can give advice on raising children.
“Do you think your parents will be against the daughter-in-law?” - "They will be until they finally eat the old one."
As a rule, the mother-in-law harasses the son-in-law more than the mother-in-law the daughter-in-law.
An extreme case is when you turn to her for advice ...
The better the mother's son, the worse and worse the daughter-in-law.
Persecution mania is not unreasonable if you live with your mother-in-law.
Do you want to be loved by the "father-in-law"? Be born a man.

They are so different

Statuses about the mother-in-law with meaning are ready to express not only the pain of a girl who cannot find happiness in a new family, but also the greatness of the deeds of a wise mother-in-law.

Before complaining about life in cramped conditions, a smart woman should consider whether she taught her son how to earn money.
My mother-in-law is not bad at all. She's just not a very good person.
A self-confident woman should not be asserted at the expense of her daughter-in-law.
Initially, God created the mother-in-law to help novice housewives.
You have to try hard to be friends with his mother. The main thing is not to forget about your husband in the bustle.
Too much love, even for your loved one, is always annoying.
Flaws in the appearance of the daughter-in-law make the mother-in-law kinder.
Angels are not only in heaven. Sometimes they are in the guise of a good second mother.

For evil mothers-in-law

If you had to experience what the anger of the “mother” is on yourself, catch bad statuses about the mother-in-law.

Darling, the mission to intervene and spoil our mother is overfulfilled!
A good mother-in-law transmits sweets, a bad mother-in-law transmits herself.
No matter how you clean the apartment, someone will find a speck of dust. And we all know who.
A snake is the most endearing description of my second mother.
Did you know that a good mother-in-law tries to please her daughter-in-law herself?! No, mom, you didn’t know for sure ...
"Mother" away - nerves on nails ...
Dear mother, you are already lucky enough to raise a “perfect” son. You can't be so happy as to get the perfect daughter-in-law.
In order not to lose the love of a male son, it is impossible not to respect his chosen one.

The loudest phrases

Not enough words to express your love for this woman? Especially for such cases - statuses about the mother-in-law in pictures.

This is how she looks when my husband and I swear:

2. It seems to you that you are living through Groundhog Day, work-home and so on. But your second mother will in any case represent your life like this:

3. Chose a gift for his mother. Didn't hold back...

4. Your dishes through the eyes of your own mother-in-law:

5. Reliable sources of information about my "mommy":

6. In order not to react to the weekly remarks of the second mother, you only need to be a fish. Preferably - dead, so that there is no temptation.

7. Either she has bad eyesight, or I have after the wedding. Just look how she presents my husband.

I can only see this:

For the kindest and most affectionate

Surprisingly, not all husbands' mothers look like dragons, and not even snakes. Among them you can find more supportive women. We dedicate good statuses about mother-in-law to them:

Happiness is when you can calmly go shopping with your second mother and drink wine restlessly.
Only a really strong person can admit his mistakes. Much less often - a strong mother-in-law.
Do not believe the words of women - just look at their sons.
Of course, I am not Cinderella, but my second mother is better than my stepmother!
A real second mother is when, after a divorce from her son, you still continue to communicate.
Swearing with others is, of course, bad, but if you do it together with his mother, it even sounds somehow much better.
It’s not a sin to be like a good “mother”!
If your own mother often doesn't understand you, wait. She can be replaced by a daughter-in-law.

Finding cool statuses about the mother-in-law is not so easy. But now all the most poignant and successful phrases are collected in one place!

Cool statuses, aphorisms and jokes about the mother-in-law

WITH vekrov wants good! And preferably - everything.

D dear mother-in-law, I congratulate you on Halloween, your professional holiday.

WITH forever calls to relax in the fresh air in the country and with kebabs. The husband promises New Year holidays in the Maldives. The child asks to buy a computer for study. What other fairy tales do you know?

M a young aunt (about 25-27 years old) in a grocery store asks the seller:
- Tell me, do you have a book of delights?
- Nu that you, girl! No one has written raptures to us yet!
- So start, do nice! My mother-in-law got poisoned by your sausage!

IN Fairy tales - Mother does not have time to become either a mother-in-law or a mother-in-law, in Fairy tales, everything ends with a Wedding!

TO WHEN THE MOTHER-IN-Law LOVES HIS DADDY-IN-LAW, SHE GETS A DAUGHTER, AND WHEN IT DOESN'T LOVE, LOSE A SON…

M You can think whatever you want about me!
But you still can't beat my mother-in-law!

I, it seems, I understood the etymology of the word Mother-in-law - I will clot the blood, at least mine does it like no one else does !!!

WITH keeping order is not about a policeman, it's about a mother-in-law visiting her daughter-in-law

E If your boy has just been born, and your heart is already bleeding at the thought that in twenty years you will have to “give it to some girl” - this is the first symptom of a very dangerous disease called cerebral sclerosis.

TO when the mother-in-law lives far away, but knows how to use Skype, this is called “He sees the eye, but the tooth is numb”

D a mother-in-law will always forgive her daughter-in-law ... even if she is not to blame for anything

M you and your mother-in-law lived together and happily for 20 years ... And then we met ...

ABOUT a lady on the street was bitten by a dog. The confused hostess explains:
- Usually my boxer is very nice, but you probably have the same perfume as my mother-in-law.

IN idali at the hospital a snake wraps around a bowl ?! So this is my mother-in-law eating ice cream!

P The husband comes home from work, and his mother says to him:
S: Pavlik, your wife insulted me today.
M: Yes, she is not even in the city.
S: She sent you a letter, and at the end it says: "Marya Ivanovna, don't forget to show Pavlik the letter!"

M um, tell his mom that he's mine!

H and nothing cleans grease, lime, rust and dust in all corners and crevices so well as waiting for the mother-in-law to visit !!!

B cancer is when “mother-in-law” is added to “love-carrot”.

IN from here it is necessary to put a dressing table, and hang a picture of the court. We’ll change the curtains, I just looked at such pretty light green in a hog stripe, they will harmonize perfectly with blue wallpaper. Soooo, what else? Ah, well, yes, I don’t like the sofa, you must definitely chirp !! ... - the mother-in-law chirped sweetly, finishing her 12th cup of tea while visiting her son. And in the next room, the daughter-in-law was quietly loading her grandfather's Mauser ...

E If your mother-in-law lives far away, don't worry, in our age of a mobile phone and Skype, you can GET anyone, anywhere ...

B The mother-in-law of Alla Pugacheva was recently taken from the hospital.

M everyone calls her mother-in-law Vosya, and only two know that this is short for Mandavos ...

IN When choosing a spouse, you need to choose one who is ready to protect you not only from the whole world, but also from your dear mother!

P aren with a girl makes love at the guy's apartment. Suddenly, his parents return. Thoughts of each participant in the situation:
Guy: Well, I got into it.
Girl: Maybe he will marry me now.
Father: And she is nothing.
Mother: God, how she lies, the boy is uncomfortable!

E If your mother-in-law constantly gives you dresses “for growth”, do not despair - mattress covers are also needed

P mother-in-law came to visit. I crawled under the bed. And there is a certain item from the sex shop, you know .. Says - What is it? I was confused and answer - rolling pin. So right now she is in the kitchen rolling dumplings for her. Soon the guests will come ... What to do then?

TO he told me something: a girl got married and lived in the house of her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law found fault with her, and the cavils were stupid. Once again, the daughter-in-law washes clothes. It costs half a day, sorry, cancer in the bathroom, and the mother-in-law next to her looks over her shoulder and mumbles: the water is cold, the water is hot, there is a lot of powder, she rinsed a little, etc. Here she once again made a remark that the daughter-in-law twists the linen in the wrong direction . The daughter-in-law can’t stand it and says with irritation: “Oh, fuck you…!” Mother-in-law indignantly: "Look, she also Pokes me!"

TO how to wean mother-in-law to give advice?

1. Carefully, be sure to write down these tips with her. Ask her for details.
2. Follow the advice exactly.
3. Carefully write down all the consequences that occur.
4. Rigidly present these consequences to her, demand an "answer for the bazaar."

WITH Saturday morning cannot start off well with an early call from the future mother-in-law.

WITH she went to visit her son and daughter for a long time. She comes and tells her friend: “My daughter has such a decent husband. He brings her coffee to bed in the morning, helps to wash the dishes.
But my son was not so lucky. Daughter-in-law, an infection, asks for coffee in bed and cannot wash the dishes herself"

IN two friends meet who already have grandchildren. The grandmother-mother-in-law loves her grandchildren, and the grandmother-mother-in-law is not at all happy with hers.
Mother-in-law: "How come you don't love your grandchildren? I can't get enough of mine."
Mother-in-law: "Your grandchildren are 100% yours, and DO I have MY grandchildren - this still needs to be proven."

D All the friends were talking. "Well, how are things at home?". - "Yes, the son is upset. I bought him a computer, I thought he would walk less, but he doesn’t approach him, the computer is still standing, gathering dust ... ”-“ I understand you. I have a similar story: I bought my mother-in-law a suitcase on wheels - and it also gathers dust - nowhere She's not going to leave...”

H In order for the son to be happy, you need quite a bit, to become a friend of the daughter-in-law.

R The reaction of mothers-in-law of different nationalities to the forthcoming marriage of their son.
Frenchwoman: "Well, finally, Pierre has settled down - how much can you run after skirts!"
Englishwoman: "Well, now John will be less likely to hang out in pubs with friends."
American: "I hope Sam will have more motivation to work hard in our family business."
Jewess: "Let's give Abrasha an empty house so that Sarochka will give birth to more children for him."
Russian: "God! How can I give my Vanechka to someone else's girl?!"

WITH she left for the dacha for a lifetime, not for a week, not for another, and the wife says:
Why isn't mom coming back?
- She said that until you stop cooking cabbage soup in her pot, she will not return.
Is she going to live there for the rest of her life?

WITH blood... Oh, how much bitterness in this terrible word! And everything is wrong for her, no matter how hard you try, and you live wrong, and you cook wrong, and you breathe wrong!

M ama daughters and sons, please, YOU ARE IN-Laws! And I included!

At mother-in-law three daughters-in-law. She somehow checks their work.
He goes to the first one, she washes the clothes. "Here is a speck," the mother-in-law shows. "Of course, mom, I'll wash everything"
He goes to the second room. She irons the linen. "Here is the fold." "Of course, mom, I'll iron it now"
Comes to the third in the room. She sits smoking, sipping beer. The mother-in-law runs her finger across the shelf and screams indignantly, "Yes, everything is in the dust!" The daughter-in-law takes a cigarette out of her mouth and calmly replies. "A pig will always find dirt."

TO Every mother hopes that her daughter will be happier in marriage than herself, but no mother hopes that her son will marry more successfully than his father.

H the path of the mother-in-law is paved with sticky pseudo-good intentions

P RIMETS - TIPS OF THE MOTHER-IN-LIGHT

- The child's clothes must not be dried at sunset, and it is also impossible to bathe him after twelve o'clock.
- In order for a child to be smart, you need to save his fallen off navel, put it in a bag and let it unfold at the age of three.
- And for a child to be rich, you need to cut him over a mink coat
- it is necessary to put a knife under the child's pillow so that bad dreams do not occur.
- Your milk is cold - you will catch a cold ... Well, what to do, what to do ... dress warmer
- You can’t do massage to a child - they will beat off the liver.

X I want to know everything! - this is not a newsreel, this is the position of the mother-in-law in relation to the young family

WITH forever suspects me of something, but sometimes I happen to have nothing to do with it ...

P eagles of my mother-in-law:
“You kiss the child like you really love him.
- You will never buy a normal thing for a child, only her grandmother buys good things for her.
“It is with a heavy heart that I return you, granddaughter of your mother.
- You don’t offend my boy, feed well and don’t get your nonsense, he gets tired (this is already about my son, my husband)
- Don't call me mom, it's not accepted in the HIGH LIGHT. Call by name.
- (after the divorce already) Well, thanks for the gift, he is actually your husband, let's take it back and live, and let me breathe in my old age

WITH her eyelids were a fool, she forbade tea leaves to be poured into the toilet bowl, supposedly it turns yellow from this. But they finally broke down only when Anka answered her that they do not drain, but brew right there.

IN our dog bit my mother-in-law 3 times"
Sorry, I don't even know what to do with her...
Sell it to me!!!"

H on the steps of the church, where the wedding ceremony is about to begin, the mother of the groom approaches the bride, hugs her and says:
- From now on, you have in me not only a mother-in-law, but also a friend ...
A minute later, the father of the wife comes up to the bride and whispers in her ear:
- With such a "friend" and enemies are not needed!

M My ill-bred daughter-in-law, when they gathered to celebrate her birthday, dared to cut me off in mid-sentence - the one who can always give good advice. Like, you are too talkative mom. You should get up and leave. But an inner voice prompted - do not be foolish. And then I defiantly sat down at the table and silently ate a whole cake. Now let this stupid girl think about what is better - when I speak or remain silent.

M my mother-in-law is a kind woman. She is always ready to provide her bank account to store our money, sit with the child in front of the TV, wash my jeans with a new phone in her pocket, cook borscht in a pot from under my soup, give me dresses of her youth for my birthday and do a lot of things. , many other wonderful things in their kindness

WITH the blood is the mother of an ideal son who is terribly unlucky with his wife.

M already with his wife go by car and quarrel. Passing by a village, they see a pair of pigs.
Husband:
- Your relatives?
- Yeah, father-in-law and mother-in-law ...

ABOUT my mother-in-law sailed on the ship Chapaev ... this is not the Titanic, of course, but there are chances !!!

P ritcha. In ancient China, a girl who got married lived in her husband's house and served him and his mother. It so happened that one girl, after the wedding, was not able to endure the constant reproaches of her mother-in-law. She decided to get rid of it. The girl went to an herbalist who was a friend of her father. She told him, “I can no longer live with my mother-in-law. She drives me crazy. Can you help me? I will pay well. - What can I do for you? the herbalist asked. “I want you to sell me poison. I will poison my mother-in-law and get rid of all troubles, she answered. After much thought, the herbalist said, "Okay, I'll help you." But you must understand two things. First, you can't poison your mother-in-law right away because people will guess what happened. I will give you herbs that will gradually kill her, and no one will think that she was poisoned. Secondly, in order to completely avoid any suspicion, you must tame your anger, learn to respect her, love, listen and be patient. Then no one will suspect you when she dies. The girl agreed to everything, took the herbs and began to add them to her mother-in-law's food. In addition, she learned to control herself, listen to her mother-in-law and respect her. When she saw how her daughter-in-law's attitude towards her had changed, she fell in love with the girl with all her heart. She told everyone that her daughter-in-law is the best, one that one can only dream of. Six months later, the relationship between them became close, as between a natural mother and her daughter. And then one day the girl came to the herbalist and prayed: - For God's sake, please save my mother-in-law from the poison that I gave her. I don't want to kill her. She has become the most beautiful mother-in-law and I love her. The herbalist smiled and replied, "Don't worry, I didn't give you any poison." What I gave you is just spices. The poison was only in your head, and you got rid of it yourself.

AND A woman in a postcard shop: - Girl, you have a postcard from "Beloved mother-in-law", with a wish - May you die!!! But so beautifully, in verse ...

AND everything in our family was so calm, so smooth, until my husband's mother noticed that I had her shorts on the mop as a doormat!

IN two mothers-in-law meet, one says to the other:
- My daughter-in-law is pregnant again.
And my cat is also pregnant.
- Well, it’s easier for you, at least you can drown the kittens

X there is no good mother-in-law and Santa Claus ...)

At psychoanalyst.
Patient:
- Doctor, she constantly terrorizes us with her teachings, teaches us about life, interferes in all our affairs ... And if we could kill her - no, she gives us money ... What should we do, doctor?
Doctor:
- Don't worry, many people have such conflicts with their mothers-in-law...
Patient:
- Doctor, what a mother-in-law, I'm talking about America!!!

P about the analogy with the saying “Before you build a house, choose a neighbor”, I want to advise girls, “Before you get married, choose your father-in-law and mother-in-law”

My mother-in-law (hyh, speech therapist) says that if you give a child a fish until he speaks, the fish are dumb - and the cub will be dumb.

The wise mother-in-law answered her son’s complaints: “You married a good one!? Who ruined it for you?"

I come home from work by shouting "who's there?!?" topless mother-in-law runs 0_O, wearing a bathrobe, returns to the kitchen and continues to cook...

how I love it when the future mother-in-law takes care of you, gives you chocolates .. and you quietly whisper: I LOVE!

The mother-in-law scolds her daughter-in-law: - You don’t know how to revenge, you cook meals poorly, you saw my son, well, what kind of woman are you?!? Here I am at your age ... - You are at my age, mom, - the daughter-in-law answers, - you have already buried your third husband ...: D

Everything was calm in our apartment until my mother-in-law saw that I was washing the floors with a mop, on which her panties were wound.

I wish I had a normal mother-in-law...

Have you seen a snake wrapping around a bowl at the hospital?! So this is my mother-in-law eating ice cream!

Can you cook borscht, dear daughter-in-law? - I can: - What do you need to make it tasty? Come on! - A good mother-in-law and a hungry husband.

And my dad always says to me: "When you go with a guy to his house, it's better not to eat with his parents, otherwise the mother-in-law will immediately refuse" ... Damn it ..

The mother-in-law is the mother of an ideal son who is terribly unlucky with his wife!)

I have no boyfriend. I have a mother in law...

A: "your dog bit my mother-in-law 3 times" B "sorry, I don't even know what to do with her..." A: "sell it to me!!!"

I have a golden husband, golden children, and I melted down my golden mother-in-law and now I have a golden watch, a ring and a bracelet

The father-in-law does not love the son-in-law, the father-in-law loves the daughter-in-law; mother-in-law loves son-in-law, mother-in-law does not love daughter-in-law; everything in the world is in balance

everyone calls my mother-in-law Vosya, and only two of them know that this is short for Mandavos ...

Girl, you can leave a message for the subscriber "Mother-in-law": "You are an old witch, how long will you get me?! And your son is a moron, so live together!". Girl, can I subscribe Anonymous?

The mother-in-law bought the child a set called "reptiles". The set includes a triceratops, a pterodactyl, a crocodile, a couple of cacti and a palm tree... a penguin... a lion... and a white cat... I missed something in biology class.

Mother-in-law, how much bitterness is in this word. It’s not all right for her, you cook poorly, wash poorly, and not a couple at all. Berry pancake ((

Are you on a witch hunt? look at mother in law