May I meet you? How to start a relationship with the man you like. I can’t start a long-term relationship. Which women scare men away

Alina, hello.
This information is not enough to delve deeper into the reasons why you cannot enter into a long-term relationship. So far I can say what I see from what has been written. You do not report anything about yourself, about your feelings, words, actions - only that you "met". All actions relate only to the young man: he wrote, called, gave gifts and flowers, missed - and it was good - of course. And did you, in general, answer him with something or only favorably accepted? Unfortunately, some girls have recently had such a false attitude that a man must conquer her, court her, carry her in his arms, endure all the whims or coldness, etc., seeking her love, and she can allow herself to be loved. But relationships are a pair dance, and one person cannot develop them. The guy tried to take steps on his part... but if there are no reciprocal counter steps, if the balance of give and take is disturbed, the relationship fades.
Perhaps you are not ready to take responsibility and do not yet know how to develop relationships, but this can be learned. And at the same time figure out what you expect from the guys, and what you are ready to do yourself so that the relationship is long and harmonious.

By the way, your expectations that you should, it seems, apply to other people: in particular, to psychologists. Because he needs a "good" one. Do you think that a psychologist should understand your problem? Without the addition of "good" - he can not help? How do you know what he is? Your young man did everything well in the beginning .... And what is the result? You know, in the search for the causes of their problems, a mature person takes on the lion's share of responsibility.
There is even such a joke: it doesn't matter who "treats" you - it is important how you treat him.

I am ready to support you in your desire to understand, and then it's up to you to decide.

Sincerely,
Nadezhda Novikova

Young guys often find it difficult to approach a girl, to interest her. With low self-esteem and a small vocabulary, it will probably turn out a little, because girls prefer interesting and active people with whom there is something to talk about, who can be of interest not only for their irresistible sports appearance. The question of how to communicate with girls is very relevant for many boys.

What to do to start a relationship with a girl

How to combine the desire to meet a girl with your embarrassment in front of her? Do not be shy and be unsure of yourself, that's the most important thing. If, nevertheless, embarrassment is present, then any interesting reason will do, which would help divert the girl's attention from her own person. You can concentrate her attention on a book, for example, on a phone, on other things. If there is no way to focus on any of the subjects, eternal topics are quite suitable: literature, sports, music, study or work.

However, we must not forget that a conversation is not an interrogation at all, it should be as relaxed as possible.

Here is a small list of questions that one way or another can be raised:

• Do you like music? What styles? From what?
• What kind of literature do you prefer? Do you have a favorite hero?
• Do you watch sports? Do you like team games? Are you a cheerleader?
• Are there any favorite places? How often do you go there?
• How do you feel about animals? Cats or dogs, or maybe fish?

To start a relationship with a girl, you should try to be interesting for her, and therefore, it would be nice to find questions that may relate to her hobby. The conversation should be drawn out, and therefore be figurative and laid-back. Unbeknownst to the girl, you can switch to her dreams. It will be amusing for her to tell, if not about the secret, but about some of them. After all, not every day and not every person who met her can be interested in them, dreams. You can avoid awkward pauses by moving from one topic to another.

To continue a relationship with a girl, you need not only to feel confident, but also to demonstrate this confidence, but not at all with bravado or clowning, but with the ability to maintain a lively interest in yourself. A good sense of humor, backed up by competent speech and interesting conversations on various topics, will not hurt, because the lack of these skills will not be blocked by cool clothes or prestigious devices that a young man may have.

Psychology of communication with a girl

Men are aware of the fact that there are certain rules regarding relationships with the opposite sex, which are very desirable to follow, these are:

• positive behavior, because positive emotions exclusively attract normal people;
• do not complain about your problems with work, friends, management;
• you should not run after the girl, because women quickly cool off towards the one who has already been conquered by them;
• you should not limit yourself to communicating with only one chosen one, because many contacts can teach much more, and healthy competition will not hurt, it will be interesting for the girl herself to compete for the location of someone who is self-confident, but not to self-confidence, assertive, but not to obscene ;
• do not avoid presenting, albeit small, but gifts, flowers;
• compliments also do not hurt, especially if they do not reach the level of vulgar flattery;
• it is important not only to speak yourself, but also to be able to listen, and, most importantly, to hear. You should never refuse questions that could enable the interlocutor to speak;
• you should communicate actively, sincerely showing your joy from meetings, you should not delay dates so much that despondency and boredom appear;
• all-round development with the expansion of horizons, reading books and the ability to share them in the most unexpected form, will always do a good service;
• you need to understand your goals from communicating with a girl: friendship or exclusively intimacy. A long-term relationship with a high probability turns a boy and a girl into friends.

What does a guy pay attention to before starting to communicate with a girl? Naturally, on her appearance, and if her appearance did not attract the young man, then he will simply pass by without even honoring the girl with a look. If, on the contrary, the appearance of the young lady turned out to be attractive, the guy can talk to her, showing easy flirting and his interest.

Detachment and lack of interest in the conversation is unlikely to continue, but the mutual interest shown may well turn into a closer relationship. You should not press hard, but you can take an interest in the girl's life, her interests, and immediate plans.

A sure sign to spoil a possible relationship, especially if there are prospects for the future, is to start with deceit, even if it is easy, with exaggeration. The psychology of communication with a girl implies that when talking with her, accents will be correctly placed, and not only verbal, but also non-verbal, because gestures, postures, facial expressions, especially gaze, play a significant role in communication.

The acquaintance that has taken place requires continuation, and this is the first date. It's good to remember some of its rules:

There is no need to build abstruse phrases, it is best to build your speech from simple, naturally pronounced sentences. What you should not do is to discuss any other women, because this may adversely affect mutual understanding.

Dating a girl on the Internet

Modernity presents many additional opportunities, one of them is a virtual acquaintance with a girl on the Internet with the potential to transfer it to reality.

To get acquainted, it is necessary, just as in real life, to make some efforts. After all, who might be interested in platitudes like: “How are you? What are you doing?" Before applying, it’s a good idea to look at the statuses of a future Internet passion, because they can tell a lot about it, making it easier to find points of mutual common ground.

You should not rush to send any free "gifts" and winks, most often they are just annoying. It is necessary to set clear goals for virtual dating, whether there are plans to transfer it to the real world. In the case when one of the girls who attracted attention did not answer, do not despair, because the world is large and many-sided, there will definitely be one in it that will respond and be interesting.

If the correspondence turns out to be interesting and there is a desire to continue in real life, then it is not advisable to delay this moment for a long time. Most often, correspondence that has exceeded a two-month milestone rarely continues in real life also due to the fact that over such a long period, a certain perception of a person is most often formed, which may not coincide with reality at all and deeply disappoint upon meeting.

That is, it is not at all necessary that a wonderful virtual communication can develop into something more serious. Real life is still much more complex and multifaceted than life on the Internet.

According to psychologists, men pay attention, first of all, to hysterical women. Of course, in the event that this hysteria is within the normal range, so to speak. Hysterical women are usually very bright, defiant, wear short skirts or sweaters with a deep neckline, shoes with very high heels. They most often have loose hair, bright makeup, bright nail polish, catchy, beautiful accessories. Hysterical women are characterized by a demonstrative demeanor. Such ladies are very attractive to men of all types. Downtrodden sissies, who see support and support in a woman, and machos, for whom a woman is, first of all, an indicator of status and a level of prestige, “stick” to them.

stereotypical

There are women to whom only one type of men “sticks”: either macho, or nerds, or employees of internal organs, etc. Why is that? Everything is very simple. Some men have a certain stereotype of a woman that he would like to see next to him. For example, a single internal affairs officer likes modest, not overweight women, with soft features, who speak not softly, but shyly tenderly. Such a woman will never conflict or make scandals. She will always adapt to her partner.

As a rule, militaries, militiamen, authoritarian men like "under" women. They very quickly figure out such ladies either by their appearance or in the process of communication, when the man snapped a little towards the woman, and she immediately took the “under” position, - Elena Makarova explains.

If a woman wants to change her partner, she should think about why this particular type of men sticks to her and what she needs to change in herself. If only the military get to know her, and she wants to marry a banker, then you need to understand that the dress is modest, her demeanor is quiet. The banker needs something else.

What kind of women scare men

The first type of women are excessive coquettes and coquettes who giggle stupidly and roll their eyes languidly. When talking with a man, they see him not as an interlocutor, but as a “prey”, a “target” and flirt accordingly - in such a way that it is simply unpleasant for a man. He immediately begins to feel like an "object", which does not inspire him at all.

The second type of women that men don't get to know are asexual women. And it's not even that these ladies usually dress gloomily, not in short skirts and low-cut blouses, but in the way they behave. The demeanor of a woman should be soft, smooth, a woman should smile. Gloomy girls who look like they just returned from a party meeting, men are repelled.

The third type is serious women. Men are frightened not so much by the seriousness itself, but by the pronunciation of this seriousness: “I am so correct, so good that first the registry office - then sex.” Or, in response to an offer to drink coffee, the girl says that she needs to be at home at 9 pm, otherwise her mother will be worried, and offers to come and meet this very mother. Men are always initially afraid of a serious relationship, so they try to stay away from "specific" ladies.

How should a woman who wants to meet

It all depends on how close the woman wants to get to know each other. If her goal is just to spend the evening with a nice guy, then sometimes it is enough to approach a young man sitting alone at the next table and ask: “Are you alone here? I am alone too. Let's sit together." Please, you've already met. It is unlikely that any man will refuse you company. Rather, on the contrary, he will be incredibly proud and glad that he was approached and chosen.

If the goal of a woman is to get married, then to get to know the man you like, you should use your imagination. In general, psychologists say that for establishing relationships, there is nothing better than joint activities. This is important in order for your object to imbue you. To win the man you like, it’s not a sin to sometimes adjust the situation: ruin the sewer at home (just don’t overdo it, otherwise the plumbers won’t fix it in a week), break the car (don’t get carried away either) and then call and ask the young man for help, because apart from no one else understands cars so well.

Or, for example, such a story. Three friends decided to help another friend meet a young man who lived with her in the next entrance. The girls guarded the guy at the window for an hour, so that at the moment he appears, they run out of the apartment to the street, taking a bottle of wine with them and ask them to open it, because they themselves can’t do it. Then it turned out that there were still two unopened bottles of wine left in the apartment, and “couldn’t the young man get up and open them too, because the company gathered purely for women and none of the ladies had the strength to uncork the wine” ... Then the guy was thanked for help and very politely and as correctly as possible (so as not to frighten) they offered to join the girl's company, they say, if it weren't for him, the evening would not have worked out ... At the right time, the "pimps" had urgent business and they disappeared, leaving the couple alone. The guys, by the way, later everything worked out.

Where to meet shy women

It is better for shy women not to meet in bars, cafes or restaurants. As a rule, in such establishments they already feel very uncomfortable, and when a man comes up, they are completely lost. An ideal option for shy women is to get acquainted at home, where everything is more or less familiar. Then a woman can reveal herself as a person.

Or - as the second option - get rid of your shyness, from your complexes, improve yourself: learn to speak, learn to dress, learn to communicate, communicate as much as possible with the opposite sex. Of course, the first attempts will be unsuccessful, but over time, some experience will be gained.

It is better to start small: small companies, barbecues, trips to the country to friends ...

How to interest him in such a way as to continue the relationship

No need to be sophisticated and seem original. It is important to just communicate normally with a man. You will surprise a man by the fact that you talk to him normally. And that's what bribes him with. Men like women who are able to communicate adequately, and the opposite sex also appreciates sincerity in young ladies.

As a rule, if you have a good, sincere conversation, a man will definitely ask for your phone number and call. Although sometimes among the men there are also modest ones, and they may not dare to ask for your number. Ask for the phone yourself if you feel that the man is shy. Just do it as tactfully as possible.

Ask “Do you mind if we drink coffee with you? Then leave me your phone number and I'll call you." At the same time, intonationally, you should put into this phrase not coquetry and a hint of the continuation of relations, but something friendly and human. And one more thing: going to coffee, you don’t have to put on crazy makeup or wear a short skirt. It's still just coffee.

Marina Nikitina

Every person wants to find happiness in love. Harmonious love relationships are the main social need of an adult man. Representatives of the strong half of humanity want to have a family, be needed, respected, loved and give love no less than women.

The need for love in men

Promiscuity and short romances are motivated by sexual instinct and do not involve relationship building. Such relationships are chosen by immature or unprepared for serious feelings people.

If a man has taken place as a person, he seeks, finds, builds strong and with a single woman.

Men's natural love needs are:

To be able to suppress selfishness, selfishness and pride in the name of love can be difficult. The only question you can ask yourself in time to save a relationship is: “What is more important: to maintain a relationship or to succumb to selfishness?”

Personal experience.

Unhappy love in the past can be a serious psychological trauma that negatively affects the present person. Unfortunately, nowhere is it taught how to part with difficult memories.

Many people, disappointed in love, do not believe in the possibility of happiness. Meanwhile, any experience is positive, it makes a person wiser, more careful, teaches you to value relationships.

Let go of the past, live in the present, create a happy future.

Negative childhood experiences.

Sometimes a man does not know how to build a relationship with a girl because he grew up in an incomplete or dysfunctional family, survived the divorce of his parents, watched quarrels, scandals, violence.

A boy could have been instilled with a negative perception and attitude towards women, filled his mind with prejudices, prejudices, negative stereotypes and myths.

Not every man can manage to cope with the negative experience of the past on his own. You should not be shy about asking for help from loved ones and contacting psychologists.

The ideal image of a woman.

Boys dream of the perfect girl. Having seen enough of the beauty of the body of female models edited by computer programs, the guy is looking for a similar girl in real life.

The artificially created beauty of a woman does not guarantee a man happiness in a relationship with her. A young man should know which woman is right for him, with which he will be comfortable and pleased.

More develop among people who are close in character, social status, level of education, intellect and mentality.

The ideal image of a woman for men is the image of a mother. It is generally accepted that a man is always looking for a woman like his mother. A man needs to understand that a beloved woman cannot replace his mother, and does not have to be a copy of her.

Psychological incompatibility

Incompatibility is often cited as a reason for divorce. People cannot get along together, they do not know how and do not want to learn how to exist peacefully, they do not find compromises.

The reciprocity and cooperation of partners in the labor of building relationships cannot be overestimated. No matter how hard one person tries to "stretch" the relationship, he will not be able to do this without a similar desire of the partner.

Unhappy relationships become burdensome, inhibiting. There are times when breaking up a relationship is the right choice to ensure future happiness in love.

Illusion of love.

Relationships that are built on deceit, lies, pretense cannot be happy and long lasting. Men who are inclined to deceive their girls even for nothing, to lie without a twinge of conscience, to change and betray common interests, doom relationships to break.

Lies and betrayals destroy love.

Unrequited love.

Guys like to woo girls, reciprocity can be caused by active courtship and manifestations of love. But you can’t command the heart and, unfortunately, it happens.

If you can’t build a relationship with a girl because of the lack of reciprocity, you need to try to direct the energy of unrequited love into the mainstream of self-improvement. In this case, unrequited love can be safely experienced, or personality changes will contribute to the emergence of reciprocity of feelings.

If you need it, you should continue to fight for them, look for reasons and ways to improve your personal life. If not, you should not torture yourself and the girl, allow yourself to continue the search for happiness.

March 16, 2014, 04:29 PM

Hello! My problem is that I am practically invisible to men. For a long time I convinced myself that I didn’t need it, they don’t pay attention, but oh well, there are many other important things, for example, study, work, achieving goals, etc., but now that I’m twenty five years and still no relationship, it really worries me. And not even because time is running out, no, I still don’t want marriage and children, I’m not ready for this, but because I really want a person with whom I can share joys and hardships, rely on someone then a shoulder, just spending time together (friends are friends, but this is still a little different). I am silent about what I want, I just want affection, attention, romance and dates. I feel intense loneliness, lostness and emptiness.
I can’t say that I’m happy with myself, I recently noticed that when I like a guy, and I start thinking about how it could be with us (relationships and all that), the thought immediately appears that I’m not deserve. I mean, the guy you like. Thoughts that I am unworthy of him, that he is more beautiful than me, smarter, more secure, and such as I did not give up to him even more so.
Appearance at me, probably, average. I never really liked myself, but lately I’ve been trying to keep track of everything: I dress well, always make up, manicure, hairstyle, and it seems, looking in the reflection, I begin to seem quite pretty to myself. Plus, I have a good figure, a sense of taste, so I don’t think that my problem is actually in my appearance. For a long time I thought that these were my personal attitudes, unpreparedness for a serious relationship, pathological dislike for myself, but this should not make me invisible in the eyes of men. It seems to me that not only am I alone not ready for this kind of responsibility, but this does not prevent other girls from finding relationships for the sake of flirting, relationships for the sake of sex and relationships just for the sake of relationships.
Sometimes I feel a man's sympathy for me, sometimes they even get to know me, but everything quickly comes to naught. Guys either lose interest and forget about my existence, or simply disappear. Maybe, of course, I scare them away with my character, but in recent months I decided to experiment, radically changed my behavior, became much easier to communicate, smile a lot, joke, stopped being too serious, and behave in a friendly and adequate way, but this is not helps. That is, they treat me normally, but there is still no relationship. There is not even a hint of them. I no longer know what to think, how to behave.
And now I suffer also because I like one young man. I have no idea if he likes me in return, how to start a relationship with him, how to take the initiative. I have a bunch of different knowledge in a variety of areas, but how a man in his twenty-five will like it, how to recognize flirting, how to make it clear that I care about him - I have no idea.