This study will be more useful to those who are twenty or thirty today. Because I myself am now thirty, and I understand that this is the “golden time”. After all, time is an exhaustible resource, and each age has its own purpose. There is an age to study, there is to get married, there is to give birth, there is to raise children, there is to do something good in the world, and there is to pray. And 30 years in this regard is the age for almost everything.

Judge for yourself - health is still there, it does not bother. There are many forces, there is energy, optimism. There is already independence from parents and a certain inner maturity - you can no longer prove anything to them. There is an understanding of what I want, what I like. That is, I already know myself - at least a little. I can still have children. I have a head on my shoulders - I'm already thinking about the consequences of my actions. In general, I can do a lot of things.

But there is a paradox - when a lot of things are possible, it is easy to get lost in all the diversity. The choice for a woman is generally a terrible thing. How to prioritize? What is the best thing to do at thirty? Build a career? Run around the stadium? Give birth to children? Do charity work? What can be postponed until later? Will I go to church then? Will I learn to cook next? Then I'll see the world?

Actually, understanding all the hardships of choice in such a golden age (although each age has its own advantages), we conducted a study.

• We have surveyed (at the time of writing the review) 1966 women whose average age was 46,7 years.
• There were 16 main questions.
• It was possible to mark several options, so in total it turned out more 7500 responses.
• Among the respondents were those who are 38-39, and there were also those who are 69-78.
• Thanks to all those who shared their opinions, stories and thoughts with us.
• We had to filter out a little more those who are not yet 40 - and even close - fortunately, there were not many of them

So we asked women what they regret now in their thirties. What would they do differently, what would they advise others. And based on the results, it turned out such a TOP-5.

5th place

Regret that I did not strengthen relations with my husband - 601 people - 30% of respondents

Indeed, this is common in the world. Children are born, there is work, plans, a lot of energy. And it is forgotten that there is still a husband nearby. Who needs our love, who also wants a little of our care, and besides who needs our trust and admiration.

« I gave birth to three children one after another. And my husband was happy with me. We raised them together. But almost always we were only parents. We are no longer a couple. With each other, we talked only about children. They did everything for the sake of the children. Now the children have parted, and we are left alone with each other. I don’t know this man, as if it wasn’t with him that I recently celebrated the thirty-year anniversary of marriage. ”

Marina, 56 years old

“When I got married, everything was great. Then we decided that it was time to have children, and our eldest appeared. Having gone to work, I understand that without a higher education I can’t go anywhere (I then had a specialized secondary education), my husband is in favor. I got carried away with my studies, at the same time I gave birth to my youngest, I decided since God gave, my husband is happy, it means to be. It was very difficult to combine, but my parents helped, my husband used to write lectures to me, sat with the children, in general, they coped - I graduated.

She went to work in her specialty, and spun. At first, a little, well, what’s wrong, I devote all my evenings to work, only in the evening, and then more, and I didn’t notice, I have no time to walk with the children, sit in an embrace with my husband, bake a homemade pie. But before, there was time for all this and much more, and most importantly, strength.

Now I don't know what people do in their free time. Painfully I experience the first days when I go on vacation. And the worst thing is that if I allocate time for children, because it is necessary, then not always for my husband, he is an adult, he will understand. As a result, for about five years now we have been sleeping separately, somehow I didn’t even notice when this happened. And now I have to restore this relationship.”

Irina, 38 years old

“We grew up in a different ideology. We were brought up as workers, activists, all for the good of the Motherland. I remember writing in my diary that we have a test of satiety, I regretted that there was no place for a feat.

Subsequently, everything was at the request of the workers - and difficulties, and lack of money, and the nineties, and so much misfortune and personal grief. Many at that time did not cope with life circumstances. I was lucky to stand on my feet, perhaps because of my small stature and strong figure, mental strength.

Therefore, I wish all young girls and young women strength of spirit, faith in themselves, and most importantly, not to be and not to strive to be a lonely and self-sufficient lady. Girls, it is better to be a wife and mother than to be a good worker.. Work will not embrace and someday throw you overboard, there are many of us. There is nothing better than a family, better than children and grandchildren, and of course, a reliable loving husband. I always dream of uniting everyone in pairs, I know a lot about loneliness and I don’t wish it on anyone! Be loved and happy, love yourself!”

Tatyana, 59 years old

4th place

Regret that all the forces were spent on work, and there was no time for loved ones - 674 people 34% of respondents

This is a typical situation of that time when it was a shame not to work, to be a dependent. And kindergartens, aftercare, camps were in the order of things, they were considered a great boon for everyone. Women built BAM, career, bright future.

Although now the situation is not much different - the percentage of working married women is now even higher. Women now do business and build a career, and receive many higher educations. To be independent, self-sufficient, to provide yourself and your family, your children with everything you need - and even more. Buy an apartment, a car, a summer house, rest, a lot of toys ...

Is it correct? Are we missing something, most of the day being in the office, without our loved ones, away from our home? It turned out that many women regret that they did not see how their children grow up, could not be with them. Some initially set priorities differently, some decided to change this order of things already in the process, and some realized the consequences only much later.

“Now I understand that all my problems with my daughter are from the fact that I never aspired to be her mother to the fullest. I have always felt myself first and foremost as a specialist - a highly qualified engineer. Therefore, I worked a lot, constantly disappeared on business trips. When my children were sick, my husband and grandmothers were with them. But not me. I had no time. And today my daughter is almost forty. We have no dialogue with her. She's ruining her life and there's nothing I can do about it."

Irina, 62 years old

“I got married early. Three of my beautiful beloved girls were born in marriage. In the intervals between children, I received an education (first I graduated from a sewing school, and then a pedagogical institute), but I could not work in my specialty. All my attempts to build a career ended in endless illnesses of children and all sorts of difficulties at home.

And then one day my husband and I decided that it was time to stop these senseless attempts at my “work”, and I finally settled at home. But one thought kept sharpening me all the time - many of my friends are successful and have built a brilliant career, but why am I going to sit all my life at my pans? This is the question I have been living with for several years.

But one day my friend, a businesswoman, came to visit us (successful by the standards of society in everything - a career, a car, an apartment). My daughters and I were bustling about in the kitchen, baking pizza, while a friend sat on the couch and watched us.

And suddenly I saw tears in her eyes and she said to me: “Lord, how happy you are!” and at this moment all doubts about my lack of success vanished like smoke! Suddenly it dawned on me - I AM THE MOST HAPPY, MOST SUCCESSFUL AND MOST NECESSARY!!!

There is no greater happiness for a woman than to be loved, needed and necessary. A career and a car will not hug you with warm native arms around your neck and bake pizza with you! My life, thank you for making it this way!”

Natalia, woman 40 years old.

“Girlfriend is 38 years old. Her child is the long-awaited and the first, he is 4 years old. He started going to kindergarten. After a month of fighting with him, the teacher called the mother to scold her for some misconduct of the baby.

We listen to the monologue of the pedagogical aunt: “I tell him - you are a bad boy, because ......” And this impudent one answers her, “If you knew how my mother loves me, then you would not say that.”

Mom was called to scold precisely for this impudent phrase!

If I knew how my love can protect my baby in the fight against the system - I would do just that. As it turned out, my daughter, going to grade 1, could not defend herself from the first teacher (the class was ballet, and she beat her head on the desks for the children, and this is the city of Kharkov, and not some village). I found out about this today when my daughter told me after 6 months of sessions with a psychoanalyst. I wouldn't have known."

Olga, 48 years old

For me, this topic is very relevant, and I always think about how not to go too far, how to distribute forces. The biggest question I ask myself is if I do this and that, what will my children do? I remember my childhood too well. My mother raised me alone, she studied and worked. Therefore, I often spent the night with friends, my mother's friends took me from the kindergarten. Once they even forgot to pick it up - and I still remember that evening. And at home I was unbearably lonely and sad. I missed my mother at that time very much. And for my children, I try to do it differently. To be near, to be with them.

“At one time I was a working mother and wife with a strong bias towards self-realization in the outside world. It got to the point that I, being the chief accountant, during the reporting period, sometimes left a sick child alone at home at the age of 5-7 and went to work. Grandmothers had not yet retired either, so there were few options.

I worked for 10-12 hours a day, I only had time, having come running from work, to put my daughter to bed. At the same time, there was no task to feed us herself - I was married. But the stereotypes imposed from the outside also controlled me - the pursuit of social success, income, beautiful status things, vacations at resorts, etc. - all this was more important to me than the physical and mental health of my own child.

This is how we lived - my husband and I spent the whole day in offices, and my daughter was alone at home. And when I was laid off at one job, set up for another, years of correcting mistakes began for me. With baby. The physical, and especially the mental health of the daughter left much to be desired. Life forcibly "put" me at home (although I still periodically continued to look for a permanent job due to inertia), and I became just a mother for many months and years. Through observation came awareness.

Priorities have changed dramatically. I re-learned to love my already quite adult daughter, to meet her from school in grades 9-11, when I didn’t do this in grades 2-3. I began to have long sincere conversations with her, unravel the tangle of her psychological problems, accept her with all her features, treat her wounded heart with care and love.

Gradually, difficultly, step by step, the situation began to improve. But I almost lost her in every sense of the word. Now I have a completely prosperous, talented, adult child, with whom we have built a small harmonious family, where love and care reign. And if life puts me before the choice of “work or family”, I don’t even have any doubts about what to give preference to. ”

Galina, 42 years old

3rd place

Regret that I traveled little and saw little - 744 people - 38% of respondents

Strictly speaking, it's not too late even at the age of eighty. These are not children who grew up and flew away, not the childbearing age, which has its limits. The problem is that in our country, with retirement, we lose the opportunity to live, and begin to survive. Our pensioners do not travel all over the world like German or American ones. Maximum - only to the country.

Therefore, for those who are retired here, it seems to me, two components are important.

• I didn't travel when I could earn it, save it.
• Now I could travel, but I don't have the money (and health) to do so.

Maybe that's why they didn't send us a single story about it. Imagine, out of 700 stories - not a single one about travel and countries. This makes me think about how much this is our desire, and not the vector of society.

And let's also remember that after all, 40 years is not yet a pension - everything can be done in time! Just the children have grown up, if they are. And there are still opportunities - and here everything can be ahead!

Traveling is not necessarily far, long and expensive.

2nd place

Regret that they gave birth to few children - 744 people 38% of respondents and another 113 people who regret abortions

There was no such item in the survey, but a lot of people wrote about it in their stories - so I would like to add here one more thing - that they had an abortion. I do not want to quote many such stories here, they are almost all about one thing - an abortion done at a young age, and then a long inability to endure and give birth to a child. There were more than 60 such stories, many simply added in the survey that they regret abortions.

“I am very sorry about the abortions. I thought I still have to learn, I'm very young, this man is not so smart, responsible ... etc. (if he's not like that... why sleep with him? first you have to think, and then start a close relationship.)"

Irina, 38 years old

“If it helps to stop at least one girl in a difficult situation and give time for reflection, I will be glad. Married for 20 years. I married consciously. And no matter how life turned, it was always based on feelings from childhood. From the age of 7-8 I knew that I would definitely get married and have many children. From the age of 15-16, a firm conviction appeared that getting married once and for all. The pregnancy came before the wedding. I had an abortion. In 1993 Now look at the chronology: 1994 - operation (ectopic pregnancy). 1995 - premature birth, the son died two days later. 1998 - term birth, daughter dies after two operations. 2000 - miscarriage at 6 months. 2001 - missed pregnancy at 12 weeks. And this is called OAA-burdened obstetric anamnesis. Traditional medicine could not explain anything. All. On this, my perseverance ended and my husband and I “closed this topic”. Then, a few years later, there were a couple more pregnancies. We ended very early, so for me it was no longer a big shock. Outcome. Our daughter is now 3 years old, she is our fairy tale girl. She is a gift to us. In all senses. Prayerful and hardened. I did it. How it was given to me and my husband, only God knows.

Take care of yourself. Take good care of yourself!"

Natalia, 39 years old

And the item about the birth of a small number of children firmly took second place. Someone did not dare to have a second child, someone settled on two, and some regret that they did not even give birth to one.

“When I was twenty, it seemed too early, I would have time. Everyone gave birth, and I was waiting for something. My husband asked me to have a baby, and I asked him to wait. There is still work to be done, it is necessary to fulfill the five-year plans in three years. Then there were thirty. It was too late to give birth in the opinion of society, and I decided that my time had not yet come. The prime of life and my career. The husband was waiting. Fourty years. I promised him every time that next year - I'm successful, I'm the boss.

When I was 43, he left. To another. Younger. Which immediately bore him two years of age. And then another. And I was left with nothing. I didn’t need a career, a huge apartment, or a car. Nothing. I tried to get pregnant - it didn't work. She even turned to doctors for help.

Today I am almost 60. My friends are already grandmothers. I smile in their face and say that I do not regret anything. But in my heart I have a huge pain that I did not do the most important thing. I have not dedicated myself to anyone, and now no one needs me. Don't repeat my mistakes!!!"

Olga, 58 years old (woman after 40 years old)

“I wanted to achieve financial independence and started looking for different ways to build a business. The guna of passion took over me with might and main, and for 13 years I fell out of female life, and with might and main I was looking for opportunities to build a business. Xak I regret now about these lost years! Because at that time it was between 30 and 40 years old, the time when you need to build a family, have children. It's good that I managed to give birth to a daughter in marriage. And this time I didn’t live at all as a woman - no man nearby, no creativity, the house was abandoned, only thoughts about how to make more money.

The most interesting thing is that nothing worked for me, but I tried hard still. There were so many tears, difficult professional relationships, disappointments during this time. The result of all this is predictable for those who study knowledge - utter emptiness in the soul, no money, no relationships. Thank God that at that time I got to the lecture of Gadetsky, and I had the intelligence to understand it and turn my life around.

But as soon as I stopped looking for an opportunity to earn money, a good job “came” to me in the specialty that I studied right after school, and from which I left to become an economist in order to be able to earn more. Money began to come to me easily.

And most importantly - love came into my life, I met a worthy man. Yes, a completely different life began, and one could rejoice much more if it were not for age. Like it or not, but each age has its own task. At my age, you already need to learn how to be a grandmother and pass on wisdom to the younger generation. And I'm just learning this wisdom myself and dreaming about children. Because it is unacceptably small - to give birth and raise only one child. Yes, I have grown a very good daughter (although now I have to change many of the male attitudes laid down by me for female ones), but I dreamed of more. Yes, you can change everything after 40, but it is much more difficult. Therefore, realize yourself as a woman as early as possible, and believe that if you realize your feminine destiny, everything else in your life will definitely work out.

Tatyana, 45 years old

“I had no relatives in my city, and my mother died. The eldest daughter was 9 years old. I got pregnant with twins There is a crisis in the "yard", unemployment, I have no work at all. The husband said that there were no twins in his family and no one knows where such a pregnancy came from ... he left. My daughter and I were left alone. It was very scary, how I was alone without a spouse, mother, relatives.

When I was in position, my girlfriends secretly took patronage over me - just a little - they are nearby. Things for the baby, as in a fairy tale, appeared from somewhere (either girlfriends will bring, then there will be an opportunity to earn money and buy, or just almost strangers give).

She gave birth to two wonderful boys, Herself. No caesarean. Yes, it was not very calm, physically hard - the boys sucked their breasts every 2 hours, the automatic machine after 2 weeks of continuous work simply burned out. But by magic, the machine appeared, and the diapers were presented by strangers with whom I used to work.

Everything was very difficult, but now my daughter is 21, the boys are 12, and we remember with smiles how our uncomfortable huge stroller turned over when I left my daughter alone to bring food home, how we simultaneously woke up from the silence in the house, and our ugly people learned unravel the gum on the doors of the cabinets and evenly scattered all the bulk products throughout the apartment. It was and is very difficult.

But if God gave you children, the whole universe will support you! Now I know for sure.”

Lada, 42 years old

“I got married at 25, gave birth to my eldest daughter at 26. The birth was difficult, because I got into the shift of the medical staff and no one cared about me. Head trauma in a child. The doctor stated that she would be disabled. However, the daughter pulled through. As a doctor myself, I perfectly understand what the consequences could be. Before the school problems: logoneurosis, stuttering. Speech therapist, injections, massage, but the improvement is not great. She was strict with her daughter, listened to all the doctors. Zero contact with daughter. I didn't give myself hugs or kisses.

There was no mention of a second child. The stranger's grandmother gave advice: pray and wish your daughter's health, and also ask the children. I am a Muslim by religion, I went to the mosque, bought prayer books with translation into Russian and slowly started.

14 years have passed, we study in a regular school, in a regular class. Although the teachers in the first grade assigned us to the correctional school, we did not give up. Yes, we will not graduate from institutes, but we will have a secondary vocational education. My daughter loves me, we have a trusting relationship with her as far as possible. And I do not insist on either fives or fours. The most important thing is her happy eyes, that she likes to study in this class, likes her teacher. And thank God for everything! He gave me the strength to overcome this lesson!

Thank God for my second daughter. Her love for us was able to cure me and my eldest daughter. Through my second daughter, I understood and accepted a lot. My advice to you: do not be afraid to give birth to second and third children, even if you have problems with the first. Their and your mutual love will give you strength and help!”

Lera, 41 years old

Although in fact, even here different options are possible - at any age. If there is a desire and aspiration, there is love in the heart that you want to give to children ...

“Our daughter was born in 92. We lived and worked at BAM. The purposeful collapse of the road and everything connected with it began. They didn't get paid, there was nothing to live on. We moved to the Caucasus, but we failed to fit into a new life ... Almost 10 years of terrible poverty ... we didn’t think about any more children ... Then it became easier. Now we have two adopted daughters, 8 and 12 years old, the eldest is a psychologist in her 5th year. What I mean is that it's never too late to make your dreams come true."

Love, 53 years old

1 place

Regret that “thrown yourself into the far corner” - 998 people 50% of respondents

Won by a huge margin. The undisputed leader of the poll. And very understandable. It's so typical for women to give. We are designed in such a way that it is easy and pleasant for us to give. We give life to children, we give our body to men, we give home food, clean linen ... It's so easy to play it and completely empty it. It's so easy to chase "goodness" and always give everyone what they want. Completely forgetting about myself.

It is safer - no need to refuse anyone, no need to offend or upset anyone. The only one who gets hurt is myself. And I can be patient. But one day it becomes unbearable from the fact that she has not done anything for herself in life. Or did, but very little. She did not follow her dreams, she fulfilled someone else's. She didn’t take care of herself, and now it’s already “late” (although here this word “late” is generally inappropriate!).

And this feeling can be very oppressive - this is the most "late". Someone thinks that it’s too late to go to the salon if you have never been there, it’s too late to start singing, dancing ... And where is happiness then? Even if everything is “as expected” for you, this does not guarantee happiness. If all this is not yours. If you did not dream about it, but did it only because you had to.

“There are no identical women, not even similar ones. Each is a separate universe! It is not true that everyone wants to be a wife and mother. Someone wants to be a hippie, and someone wants to do business, someone wants to travel, and someone wants to stay at home. And all this is normal! Strange, failed, offended by fate - these are the labels of ignorant people. I was a wife and mother for 23 years, and all this time I was ill. I was them by force. Now my son has grown up, my husband has left, and only at the age of 44 did my wings spread. Everyone thinks I'm in love! I'm just fine! I don't owe anyone anything! I walk down the street and involuntarily smile! This has never happened before. I wore decent, but “foreign” clothes. And now I do only what I want and I don’t care about someone else’s opinion. ”

Sofia, 45 years old

“I really enjoyed singing. It was the most favorite thing in my life. But it wasn't until I was 58 that I started doing it. And before that, I only did what brought little pleasure and therefore I was unhappy.

Nelya, 59 years old

“I tried to prove to my mother that I was not stupid and at least pretty. Therefore, she became a TV journalist. 13 years old. I found fame, but not happiness. Then I decided to find out how it is, a big salary? I had a high income, but most of the money I spent on branded clothes to please the employer and fit the dress code. An absurd situation: you receive money from the employer and spend it to correspond to the employer In general, financial viability did not console me. I quit my job and started doing art. Today I create notebooks, organize master classes and exhibitions of masters. My husband immediately began to move up the career ladder, and his income to grow. Today I know that dreams do come true."

Lilia, 44 years old

“A simple story, like many. The words of my mother accidentally heard in childhood: “Natasha is smart, Anna is beautiful, and mine ... neither this nor that.” And the young maiden rushed to prove to her mother that she is, that she can, study, work, sports ... and continued to prove until she was 35, until she realized that I was not living my life. It’s good that I realized it in time, it’s not easy, I had to uproot something ... and now everything is not going smoothly, it’s hard to learn at the age of forty to be a good wife, to give in, to trust, to inspire ... To be a good mother, because you don’t know how, you just know how not necessary. But I am completely happy - 2 years old wife and 9 months old daughter. Thank the Lord, he enlightened and bestowed, kissed me on the crown of the head.

Elena, 42 years old

There were other things the women talked about. Many have said that it would be good to take care of health while it is. This is especially true for those over 50 years of age. Still, at forty health is still there. Many wrote that you need to find your own way, and not earn money in conventional professions. Many talked about how harmful bad habits are for women - smoking, alcohol.

There was another category that we initially did not take into account in the survey. And on this subject there were many stories and regrets. When we are over 40, our parents are over 60-70. And at this time they can leave the body or get very sick. So many women shared that they regretted spending time on resentment against their parents.

“In the beginning it was very difficult. I did not know how to live on, I felt my orphanhood to the full. I woke up and went to bed alone and defenseless. Helped to adapt to a new life my family.

This acute feeling of orphanhood passed with time, but the memory of my beloved and loving parents, thank God, is constantly present. They live with us in our conversations, individual remarks. My daughter and I do not understand when they say that someone just sometimes remembers their relatives who have gone to other worlds. And we never forget about them! They are ALWAYS present with us, we do not need to remember them. They are in our everyday life and holidays; they are in our words and thoughts; Yes, by and large we are parts of them! Those we love - LIVE!!!

The only thing I grieve about is that I DIDN'T LOVE, I DIDN'T SAY, I DIDN'T GIVE CARE, TENDERNESS, ATTENTION even during their lifetime. This is my burden now, which darkens my life.

Girls, remember! In due time, you will also be orphaned, just like me! With WHAT and with WHOM will you then stay?! Will your heart bleed and suffer from a sense of your own guilt for the callous, cold, inconsiderate attitude towards those who gave you life? Will anyone cry in a vest? Will there be those who need you, who are the meaning of your life, your core, your anchor, your continuation, to whom you will pass the baton of love and sacrifice? Think about it. The future is created by your hands and hearts now!”

Larisa, 58 years old

“I met my father when I was 40 years old. I did this consciously after one of the systemic constellations according to the method of Bert Hellinger, when I saw the connection between my failures in my personal life and the family of my father. He left me and my mother before I was born. Other than his first and last name, and the fact that by doing so he greatly offended my mother, I knew nothing more about him. And until the very moment of meeting him, I didn’t have any feelings associated with him at all, in my mind there was no whole layer of real ideas not learned from childhood about the essence of the relationship between a man and a woman, when they are together, and, as it turned out, along with this, it was as if empty built-in from birth matrix about the feeling of natural male energies.

When I found my father's phone and called him for the first time, he said harshly that he did not have such a daughter, although he had been well aware of my existence for all 40 years. He had another family and another daughter. A couple of days later, he himself called me with feelings of acceptance and repentance. We began to communicate often by phone, living in different cities. He loved me and our conversations, sometimes even missing my voice. Six months later, I went to meet him personally, because we had no idea what each of us looked like. Dad was able to talk on the phone with my mom. I brought him my childhood photos, we walked around the city and went to the zoo, where he proudly took me by the hand all the time, like a little daughter.

After some time, I felt as if I had found myself, my inner matrix gradually filled up, I began to feel male and female energies in myself, having learned to distinguish, direct and use them. I realized that earlier, with a half-empty matrix, I could not clearly translate my feminine energies into the world, which means that I was energetically neither among women nor among men. And after some time, my personal life began to improve.

Ariadne, 44 years old

I wish everyone happiness! I hope that these stories can inspire you to change and live your life brighter! Regardless of how old you are now.

04/07/2011

They say life begins at forty. But if you're a 40-year-old woman, you only have six years left before you feel like it's all over. You will disappear. At least for most men.

M Ikhail Zhvanetsky once wrote: “A whole generation suddenly disappeared from us. We pretend like nothing happened. Women disappear. Women go missing after 50. They have disappeared from the screens, they don't go to the movies, they don't appear in theaters. They don't travel abroad. They don't swim in the sea. Where are they?".

Ordinary citizens to Mikhail Mikhailovich, the husband of a young wife and the author of the classification "Women are divided into young and the rest," I remember, ardently objected then. As someone under the nickname Mitsuko wrote on one of the forums: “If Zhvanetsky does not see these women, this does not mean that they do not exist. And they go to the theatre. And they go abroad. Themselves, on buses, with the aim of looking at rural France. And they take care of themselves regardless of their financial situation, even with grandmother's folk remedies or with the help of Belarusian cosmetics. But Zhvanetsky does not understand that this is his generation, these peasants dictate the fashion for young cute dolls according to the principle - the older the peasant, the younger the doll. So to whom is this appeal - to yourself?

But in some ways our satirist is still right. The Daily Mail published data from a survey of 2,000 women over 40 this week. So the interviewed ladies claim that 46 years is exactly the age when men stop noticing them. Noble gentlemen suddenly disappear - women "over 46" admit that men no longer help them open the door, do not let them go ahead, do not smile and do not try to get to know each other. By the time the lady turns 55, she not only stops catching admiring glances on herself, but she doesn’t even hear compliments from the opposite sex. Although what prevents the same husband from saying to his wife: “You look cute today, dear”?

In the movie Reality Erased, the faded beauty of Sharon Stone's character, her husband, as if by the way, says that he once liked the way guys looked at her. She yells at him, "Shut up! No need! Look around, do you see someone looking at me? I know when you did it, and I know when you stopped. When everyone stopped, then you stopped.”

Maybe that's why it seems to men that women over 50 are disappearing somewhere, because they themselves do not see them at close range? They do not notice them in the movies, do not fix their figures in the crowd, do not see them on the beach. Until they poke their nose: here you are, dumbass, look. So it was with the housewife Susan Boyle. When it was shown on television, the audience was terribly surprised: oh, a lively middle-aged woman, and even sings! Many seemed to be struck not so much by Susan's voice as by the fact that at this age women can still do something. It was not for nothing that the same phrase was repeated in many media: “Susan’s voice does not fit with her appearance,” as if only beautiful and young girls had a beautiful voice.

In the same way, by the way, it is believed that young girls are beautiful in sex, and in general, only they have the right to have sex. In the same way, it is worth a young charmer to express a rather mediocre thought, as men with aspiration note her mind. And a woman over 50 can at least be a professor - no one will admire this and not everyone will hear what she says there at all. She is neither seen nor heard. “Most women of this age begin to worry that their views and opinions are no longer of interest to others,” the sociologists report says.

The authors of the study also acknowledge that modern women live longer and look better than ever before, but for them, the time from 40 to 50 years is a rather difficult period. Many are shy, hiding, stop looking after themselves - well, in the Middle Ages, by this time, many were already dying or hiding at home, they knitted socks for their grandchildren, which means it’s time for us to rest. It's not us, they say, it's instituted, it's not us to break these rules.

Of course, there are exceptions. And in the comments to this article, almost all women will write that all this is nonsense, this is the wrong poll, the wrong respondents, the wrong conclusions. Women will write that at the age of 46 they enjoy unprecedented popularity with the male sex, and when they walk down the street, everyone turns around after them.

You know what? Perhaps they will be right. Everyone gets what they want to get. An elderly satirist, for whom only young girls exist, will see only young girls around him, and ignore the rest, so that later he will be surprised: “Where are they, ladies over 18?”. Girls like Courteney Cox and Sandra Bullock, who turn 47 this month, will find themselves irresistible, and everyone around them will share their opinion of themselves. And those who begin to be shy and apologize for their age: “Well, yes, I’m already over 40, what a horror,” they will receive exactly the same reaction in response: “Exactly! Terrible horror! Would you get out of here" .

Natalya Radulova,

For you, whether you are a man and you are interested to know about it; or you are a woman under 40 years of age: Know that it's great to be 40 years old! If you are a woman and you are 40 or older: discover your potential!

40 years of age can seem intimidating for a woman 30, 35. When two or three years are not enough to reach 40, a woman begins to understand that reaching 40 is inevitable. But when 40 comes, finally, she is surprised: “So it’s not scary, on the contrary, I feel great!”

Accepting some unpleasant little things, when you reach the age of 40, you realize - this is the age of big changes. Amazing change!

Do you want to know what these changes are? See below:

Losing weight is hard work.

You know, those 4 kg. which at the age of 20 a smiling woman loses in a month? At 40, the same kilograms, a woman can lose in 4 months, thanks to a slowdown in metabolism. In addition, gaining weight is ridiculously easy: just 100 extra calories a day and 9-10 kilograms are provided at the end of the year.

The way out is physical exercise, but not only to maintain health, but also to strengthen self-esteem.

Pimples at 40?

This is another unwanted little surprise. Many women who didn't have acne in their teens may have it in that age. These acne are related to hormones. Hormonal changes and the onset of menopause contribute to their appearance.

40 years is only a chronological age

Today's 40 year old woman can easily be mistaken for a 30 year old. Only those who are 40 years old know for sure that they do not feel these 40 years!

When we see photos of our mothers and grandmothers in their 40s, we are impressed by how they look like they are in their 40s, things that don't happen to us.

Uncertainty? What is this?

There's a wonderful thing that happens at 40. Do you remember the insecurities you felt at 20? It disappears or decreases significantly. And look, we have much more reason to be insecure and feel unsafe now, because the body is no longer the same.

Weight, sagging, varicose veins and other issues that are only talked about in the circle of girls, now we talk quite naturally with any 40-year-old man.

Jealousy? This feeling is without logic!

At the age of 40, we discover that jealousy is meaningless. There is no point in worrying deeply, there is no point in pouting at women who look at our husbands. It makes no sense to be offended by a husband when he is being pursued by another woman. We learn that this kind of thing destroys relationships. And if the husband is cheating with a 20-year-old, then in this case, he is also a loser. And we don't have the slightest doubt about that.

Dream becomes an integral part of life

Many people feed and hide their dream all their lives, others begin to awaken spiritually at the age of 40. A woman at 40 does not want to live just to live. She wants to make the right choice and think about the eternal consequences of her actions.

Quality, not quantity

The 40-year-old woman is for quality in many ways. She does not collect jeans collections, she wants quality clothes, although not enough. She hardly prefers beautiful shoes, more comfortable than catching thousands of glances at her feet. And so it is with most elections.

Your mother was right

At 40, a woman realizes that her mother was absolutely right. She is also a mother and can understand her mother more perfectly. When it comes to the misbehavior of her children, she cries and remembers the times when her mother also worried about it. All this contributes to being the strong, sensitive and understanding woman that she has become.

Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are essential to your well-being
40 year old woman oblivious to stupid things that used to keep her awake. Forgives more easily and apologizes without reservation. She knows how such relationships are very important for happiness. She knows that good relationships are more important than being right.

She feels more attractive at 40

It seems very strange to hear women say they feel more attractive at 40 than they did before. But this has an explanation. Despite extra pounds, varicose veins, and everything that happens at 40, self-confidence makes all the difference. She no longer has the feelings she had at 20. And this is deeply reflected in family intimacy.

A woman in her 40s knows her strengths and makes them outshine her weaknesses. She doesn't play childish games because she knows exactly what she wants. A woman of 40 knows how to approach her husband and how to give him her love.

You 40-year-old women who don't yet know what power you have in your hands: You have no idea how attractive you can be, regardless of their physical characteristics. You have years of experience, you know what works and what doesn't work in marriage and life. You should not waste time on childish games. You already know what you want.

Focus on it and live! Be a happy and contented woman in your marriage. You know how to achieve this. Be a WOMAN and not only a wife to your husband. Radiate femininity, seduce him and be seduced by him yourself.

If you are single or divorced, never despair. Lower your standards to please any man. Find that man who is ready to put a ring on your finger. Find a real man who will be only yours and should not, in this case, destroy another family in order to stay with you.

A 40-year-old woman is worth two 20-year-olds. Like this! And many men know this, and they like it!

40 years is great! 9 myths about age that have nothing to do with reality

This year, a huge number of our idols of youth are turning or have already turned 40 years old. Charlize Theron, Drew Barrymore, Reese Witherspoon, Benedict Cumberbatch, Colin Farrell, even cutie Toby McGuire have crossed this line and, it should be noted, they feel very good. So, is there life after 40?

Do not be afraid to become a middle-aged person - it is better to throw a party with mojitos and dancing! Stop clinging to stupid numbers! Here are 10 big fat misconceptions about age that have nothing to do with reality at all. Proven.

We must forget about youth clothing brands

Complete bullshit! I wear what I like and feel comfortable in, from H&M and Zara to camouflage pants. I refuse to follow the fashion marketing and advertising standards imposed on me. In truth, we come to this age with such diverse tastes in clothes that it is very difficult to drive them into any kind of framework. Someone even at 20 likes soft and loose suits, while someone at 40 continues to wear miniskirts and stilettos.

No more dancing!

It must be said that people much under 40 are susceptible to this myth. Dancing has always been a form of physical exercise - and this is not about zumba classes or hustle lessons, but about real dancing, when you rock on the dance floor in a club all night long. Last year my friend asked me to dance and after a desperate battle with inner demons (which, by the way, shouted “everyone will laugh at you!”, “your boobs are not good enough, look at those 20-year-old girls!”) I took and agreed. Now I go dancing every month.

By the way, the inner demons were terribly wrong. Nobody laughed. Boobs adequately withstood the test. And I felt like who I really am - a lively and sexy woman. And, most importantly, these nightly dances make me feel freedom and independence - something that I lost while sitting at home with the children.

Only healthy lifestyle, only hardcore!

Bah, I say. BA! There are different types of bodies. I do not undertake to speak for everyone, but for myself, I found out that a more or less normal diet and moderate exercise is what you need.

We live in a city where everyone is obsessed with fitness and healthy lifestyle. Almost everyone you know has just run a marathon or is just running or doing yoga or whatever. But not me! Not because I don’t believe in the benefits of sports, but because, firstly, I’m terribly lazy, and secondly, I decided not to do anything that makes my soul not sing (another advantage of forty). Of course, I can pump up my biceps or my ass, but I don't want to. I like my body so much.

There is no sex!

Or rather, it is, but only if you are a MILF (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) or shoot young boys for money. These two things are mutually exclusive and frankly I hate them because they are desperation. Of course, there are deliberately sexy "mommies" looking for adventure, and elderly ladies who are willing to pay young men. But do not talk about them derogatoryly. After all, older men date younger girls all the time and no one judges them.

The peak of your sexuality is in the past

Nothing like this! If it is believed that the peak of sexuality overtakes a woman at 35, then I did not notice it, because I was up to my ears in taking care of children and dirty dishes. Now that the children are grown, I can once again pay attention to the true needs of my body. Now I have enough time and self-confidence to flirt and go on dates with my own husband. And to be honest, the last few months have awakened the most lustful goddess in me and brought about sexual experiences that I could not have imagined before.

The only joy in life is watching children grow up and become good people.

Because if you don't enjoy it, you're a bad parent. And if children suddenly do not become good people - even worse.

I love my children. Watching them grow up is the most important part of my life. But this is not enough. I have to have my own life, with my own ups and downs, discoveries and defeats - this will be better for everyone, and for my children in the first place. What do they see if their parents only do what they drag them from circle to circle? That being a parent is a sacrifice? That only their oversaturated lives matter? That your own life ends when you become a parent? Yes, fuck it all! I have things to do besides children. And that's good for all of us.

As for good people… Well, I think I did my best. However, do not forget that my upbringing is not everything. There are also social and environmental factors and, God forgive me, genetics. I cannot answer for them.

All the best things in life have already happened.

This delusion is the hardest to deal with. When you're young, you seem to be charged with electricity. Meeting new people, adventures and love - all this seems to be ending for many, or at least significantly reduced. But it all depends on you. For example, I have done quite a lot to expand these boundaries imposed on me: I travel a lot, meet new people.

You are no longer interesting to those under 40

Complete bullshit! At 40, you are already wise and confident enough, but not yet too old to attract those who are younger than you. I have many friends who are in their 30s and now their lives are endless diaper changes and nightly feedings. They say that I give them hope and a light at the end of the tunnel, because they see that a person at 40 can have a really cool life!

Everything is over

Harriet Beecher Stowe published Uncle Tom's Cabin at age 40, Benjamin Franklin helped draft the Declaration of Independence at age 70, and Caitlin Jenner became a woman at 65. There is life after 40. I promise! So if you're over 30, stop pretending to be a hose! Take a mojito and feel free to join our ranks! There is just room for you on the dance floor.

Illustrations.

This study will be more useful to those who are twenty or thirty today. Because I myself am now thirty, and I understand that this is the “golden time”. After all, time is an exhaustible resource, and each age has its own. There is an age to study, there is to get married, there is to give birth, there is to raise children, there is to do something good in the world, and there is to pray. And 30 years in this regard is the age for almost everything.

Judge for yourself - health is still there, it does not bother. There are many forces, there is energy, optimism. There is already independence from parents and a certain inner maturity - you can no longer prove anything to them. There is an understanding of what I want, what I like. That is, I already know myself - at least a little. I can still have children. I have a head on my shoulders - I'm already thinking about the consequences of my actions. In general, I can do a lot of things.

But there is a paradox - when a lot of things are possible, it is easy to get lost in all the diversity. The choice for a woman is generally a terrible thing. How to prioritize? What is the best thing to do at thirty? Build a career? Run around the stadium? Give birth to children? Do charity work? What can be postponed until later? Will I go to church then? Will I learn to cook next? Then I'll see the world?

Actually, understanding all the hardships of choice in such a golden age (although each age has its own advantages), we conducted a study.

• We have surveyed (at the time of writing the review) 1966 women whose average age was 46,7 years.
• There were 16 main questions.
• It was possible to mark several options, so in total it turned out more 7500 responses.
• Among the respondents were those who are 38-39, and there were also those who are 69-78.
• Thanks to all those who shared their opinions, stories and thoughts with us.
• We had to filter out a little more those who are not yet 40 - and even close - fortunately, there were not many of them.

So we asked women what they regret now in their thirties. What would they do differently, what would they advise others. And based on the results, it turned out such a TOP-5.

5th place

Regret that I did not strengthen relations with my husband - 601 people - 30% of respondents

Indeed, this is common in the world. Children are born, there is work, plans, a lot of energy. And it is forgotten that there is still a husband nearby. Who needs our love, who also wants a little of our care, and besides who needs our trust and admiration.

“I gave birth to three children one after another. And my husband was happy with me. We raised them together. But almost always we were only parents. We are no longer a couple. With each other, we talked only about children. They did everything for the sake of the children. Now the children have parted, and we are left alone with each other. I don’t know this man, as if it wasn’t with him that I recently celebrated the thirty-year anniversary of marriage. ”

Marina, 56 years old

“When I got married, everything was great. Then we decided that it was time to have children, and our eldest appeared.Having gone to work, I understand that without a higher education I can’t go anywhere (I then had a specialized secondary education), my husband is in favor. I got carried away with my studies, at the same time I gave birth to my youngest, I decided since God gave, my husband is happy, it means to be. It was very difficult to combine, but my parents helped, my husband used to write lectures to me, sat with the children, in general they managed - I graduated.

She went to work in her specialty, and spun. At first, a little, well, what’s wrong, I devote all my evenings to work, only in the evening, and then more, and I didn’t notice, I have no time to walk with the children, sit in an embrace with my husband, bake a homemade pie. But before, there was time for all this and much more, and most importantly, strength.

Now I don't know what people do in their free time. Painfully I experience the first days when I go on vacation. And the worst thing is that if I allocate time for children, because it is necessary, then not always for my husband, he is an adult, he will understand. As a result, for about five years now we have been sleeping separately, somehow I didn’t even notice when this happened. And now I have to restore this relationship.”

Irina, 38 years old

“We grew up in a different ideology. We were brought up as workers, activists, all for the good of the Motherland. I remember writing in my diary that we have a test of satiety, I regretted that there was no place for a feat.

Subsequently, everything was at the request of the workers - and difficulties, and lack of money, and the nineties, and so much misfortune and personal grief. Many at that time did not cope with life circumstances. I was lucky to stand on my feet, perhaps because of my small stature and strong figure, mental strength.

Therefore, I wish all young girls and young women strength of spirit, faith in themselves, and most importantly, not to be and not to strive to be a lonely and self-sufficient lady. Girls, it is better to be a wife and mother than to be a good worker.. Work will not embrace and someday throw you overboard, there are many of us. There is nothing better than a family, better than children and grandchildren, and of course, a reliable loving husband. I always dream of uniting everyone in pairs, I know a lot about loneliness and I don’t wish it on anyone! Be loved and happy, love yourself!”

Tatyana, 59 years old

4th place

Regret that all the forces were spent on work, and there was no time for loved ones - 674 people 34% of respondents

This is a typical situation of that time when it was a shame not to work, to be a dependent. And kindergartens, aftercare, camps were in the order of things, they were considered a great boon for everyone. Women built BAM, career, bright future.

Although now the situation is not much different - the percentage of working married women is now even higher. Women now do business and build a career, and receive many higher educations. To be independent, self-sufficient, to provide yourself and your family, your children with everything you need - and even more. Buy an apartment, a car, a summer house, rest, a lot of toys ...

Is it correct? Are we missing something, most of the day being in the office, without our loved ones, away from our home? It turned out that many women regret that they did not see how their children grow up, could not be with them. Some initially set priorities differently, some decided to change this order of things already in the process, and some realized the consequences only much later.

“Now I understand that all my problems with my daughter are from the fact that I never aspired to be her mother to the fullest. I have always felt myself first and foremost as a specialist - a highly qualified engineer. Therefore, I worked a lot, constantly disappeared on business trips. When my children were sick, my husband and grandmothers were with them. But not me. I had no time. And today my daughter is almost forty. We have no dialogue with her. She's ruining her life and there's nothing I can do about it."

Irina, 62 years old

“I got married early. Three of my beautiful beloved girls were born in marriage. In the intervals between children, I received an education (first I graduated from a sewing school, and then a pedagogical institute), but I could not work in my specialty. All my attempts to build a career ended in endless illnesses of children and all sorts of difficulties at home.

And then one day my husband and I decided that it was time to stop these senseless attempts at my “work”, and I finally settled at home. But one thought kept sharpening me all the time - many of my friends are successful and have built a brilliant career, but why am I going to sit all my life at my pans? This is the question I have been living with for several years.

But one day my friend, a businesswoman, came to visit us (successful by the standards of society in everything - career, car, apartment). My daughters and I were bustling around in the kitchen baking pizza while a friend sat on the couch watching us.

And suddenly I saw tears in her eyes and she said to me: “Lord, how happy you are!” and at this moment all doubts about my lack of success vanished like smoke! Suddenly it dawned on me - I AM THE MOST HAPPY, MOST SUCCESSFUL AND MOST NECESSARY!!!

There is no greater happiness for a woman than to be loved, needed and necessary. A career and a car will not hug you with warm native arms around your neck and bake pizza with you! My life, thank you for making it this way!”

Natalia, woman 40 years old.

“Girlfriend is 38 years old. Her child is the long-awaited and the first, he is 4 years old. He started going to kindergarten. After a month of fighting with him, the teacher called the mother to scold her for some misconduct of the baby.

We listen to the monologue of the pedagogical aunt: "I tell him - you are a bad boy, because ......" And this impudent one answers her, "If you knew how much my mother loves me, then you would not say that."

Mom was called to scold precisely for this impudent phrase!

If I knew how my love can protect my baby in the fight against the system, I would do just that. As it turned out, my daughter, going to grade 1, could not defend herself from the first teacher (the class was ballet, and she beat her head on the desks for the children, and this is the city of Kharkov, and not some village). I found out about this today when my daughter told me after 6 months of sessions with a psychoanalyst. I wouldn't have known."

Olga, 48 years old

For me, this topic is very relevant, and I always think about how not to go too far, how to distribute forces. The biggest question I ask myself is if I do this and that, what will my children do? I remember my childhood too well. My mother raised me alone, she studied and worked. Therefore, I often spent the night with friends, my mother's friends took me from the kindergarten. Once they even forgot to pick it up - and I still remember that evening. And at home I was unbearably lonely and sad. I missed my mother at that time very much. And for my children, I try to do it differently. To be near, to be with them.

“At one time I was a working mother and wife with a strong bias towards self-realization in the outside world. It got to the point that I, being the chief accountant, during the reporting period, sometimes left a sick child alone at home at the age of 5-7 and went to work. Grandmothers had not yet retired either, so there were few options.

I worked for 10-12 hours a day, I only had time, having come running from work, to put my daughter to bed. At the same time, there was no task to feed us herself - I was married. But the stereotypes imposed from the outside also controlled me - the pursuit of social success, income, beautiful status things, vacations at resorts, etc. - all this was more important to me than the physical and mental health of my own child.

That's how we lived - my husband and I spent the whole day in offices, and my daughter was alone at home. And when I was laid off at one job, set up for another, years of correcting mistakes began for me. With baby. The physical, and especially the mental health of the daughter left much to be desired. Life forcibly "put" me at home (although I still periodically continued to look for a permanent job due to inertia), and I became just a mother for many months and years. Through observation came awareness.

Priorities have changed dramatically. I re-learned to love my already quite adult daughter, to meet her from school in grades 9-11, when I didn’t do this in grades 2-3. I began to have long sincere conversations with her, unravel the tangle of her psychological problems, accept her with all her features, treat her wounded heart with care and love.

Gradually, difficultly, step by step, the situation began to improve. But I almost lost her in every sense of the word. Now I have a completely prosperous, talented, adult child, with whom we have built a small harmonious family, where love and care reign. And if life puts me before the choice of “work or family”, I don’t even have any doubts about what to give preference to. ”

Galina, 42 years old

3rd place

Regret that I traveled little and saw little - 744 people - 38% of respondents

Strictly speaking, it's not too late even at the age of eighty. These are not children who grew up and flew away, not the childbearing age, which has its limits. The problem is that in our country, with retirement, we lose the opportunity to live, and begin to survive. Our pensioners do not travel all over the world like German or American ones. Maximum - only to the country.

Therefore, for those who are retired here, it seems to me, two components are important.

• I didn't travel when I could earn it, save it.
• Now I could travel, but I don't have the money (and health) to do so.

Maybe that's why they didn't send us a single story about it. Imagine, out of 700 stories - not a single one about travel and countries. This makes me think about how much this is our desire, and not the vector of society.

And let's also remember that after all, 40 years is not yet a pension - everything can be done in time! Just the children have grown up, if they are. And there are still opportunities - and here everything can be ahead!

Traveling is not necessarily far, long and expensive.

2nd place

Regret that they gave birth to few children - 744 people 38% of respondents and another 113 people who regret abortions

There was no such item in the survey, but a lot of people wrote about it in their stories - so I would like to add here one more thing - that they had an abortion. I do not want to quote many such stories here, they are almost all about one thing - an abortion done at a young age, and then a long inability to endure and give birth to a child. There were more than 60 such stories, many simply added in the survey that they regret abortions.

“I am very sorry about the abortions. I thought I still have to learn, I'm very young, this man is not so smart, responsible ... etc. (if he's not like that... why sleep with him? first you have to think, and then start a close relationship.)"

Irina, 38 years old

“If it helps to stop at least one girl in a difficult situation and give time for reflection, I will be glad.Married for 20 years. I married consciously. And no matter how life turned, it was always based on feelings from childhood. From the age of 7-8 I knew that I would definitely get married and have many children. From the age of 15-16, a firm conviction appeared that getting married once and for all. The pregnancy came before the wedding. I had an abortion. In 1993Now look at the chronology: 1994 - operation (ectopic pregnancy).1995 - premature birth, the son died two days later.1998 - term birth, daughter dies after two operations.2000 - miscarriage at 6 months.2001 - missed pregnancy at 12 weeks. And this is called OAA-burdened obstetric anamnesis.Traditional medicine could not explain anything.All. On this, my perseverance ended and my husband and I “closed this topic”. Then, a few years later, there were a couple more pregnancies. We ended very early, so for me it was no longer a big shock. Outcome. Our daughter is now 3 years old, she is our fairy tale girl. She is a gift to us. In all senses. Prayerful and hardened. I did it. How it was given to me and my husband, only God knows.

Take care of yourself. Take good care of yourself!"

Natalia, 39 years old

And the item about the birth of a small number of children firmly took second place. Someone did not dare to have a second child, someone settled on two, and some regret that they did not even give birth to one.

“When I was twenty, it seemed too early, I would have time. Everyone gave birth, and I was waiting for something. My husband asked me to have a baby, and I asked him to wait. There is still work to be done, it is necessary to fulfill the five-year plans in three years. Then there were thirty. It was too late to give birth in the opinion of society, and I decided that my time had not yet come. The prime of life and my career. The husband was waiting. Fourty years. I promised him every time that next year - I'm successful, I'm the boss.

When I was 43, he left. To another. Younger. Which immediately bore him two years of age. And then another. And I was left with nothing. I didn’t need a career, a huge apartment, or a car. Nothing. I tried to get pregnant - it didn't work. She even turned to doctors for help.

Today I am almost 60. My friends are already grandmothers. I smile in their face and say that I do not regret anything. But in my heart I have a huge pain that I did not do the most important thing. I have not dedicated myself to anyone, and now no one needs me. Don't repeat my mistakes!!!"

Olga, 58 years old (woman after 40 years old)

“I wanted to achieve financial independence and started looking for different ways to build a business. The guna of passion took over me with might and main, and for 13 years I fell out of female life, and with might and main I was looking for opportunities to build a business. Xak I regret now about these lost years! Because at that time it was between 30 and 40 years old, the time when you need to build a family, have children. It's good that I managed to give birth to a daughter in marriage. And this time I didn’t live as a woman at all - no men nearby, no creativity, the house was abandoned, only thoughts about how to make more money.

The most interesting thing is that nothing worked for me, but I tried hard still. There were so many tears, difficult professional relationships, disappointments during this time. The result of all this is predictable for those who study knowledge - utter emptiness in the soul, no money, no relationships. Thank God that at that time I got to the lecture of Gadetsky, and I had the intelligence to understand it and turn my life around.

But as soon as I stopped looking for an opportunity to earn money, a good job “came” to me in the specialty that I studied right after school, and from which I left to become an economist in order to be able to earn more. Money began to come to me easily.

And most importantly, love came into my life, I met a worthy man. Yes, a completely different life began, and one could rejoice much more if it were not for age. Like it or not, but each age has its own task. At my age, you already need to learn how to be a grandmother and pass on wisdom to the younger generation. And I'm just learning this wisdom myself and dreaming about children. Because it is unacceptably small - to give birth and raise only one child. Yes, I have grown a very good daughter (although now I have to change many of the male attitudes laid down by me for female ones), but I dreamed of more. Yes, you can change everything after 40, but it is much more difficult. Therefore, realize yourself as a woman as early as possible, and believe that if you realize your feminine, everything else in your life will definitely work out.

Tatyana, 45 years old

“I had no relatives in my city, and my mother died. The eldest daughter was 9 years old. I got pregnant with twins There is a crisis in the "yard", unemployment, I have no work at all. The husband said that there were no twins in his family and no one knows where such a pregnancy came from ... he left. My daughter and I were left alone. It was very scary, how I was alone without a spouse, mother, relatives.

When I was in position, my girlfriends secretly took patronage over me - just a little - they are nearby. Things for the baby, as in a fairy tale, appeared from somewhere (either girlfriends will bring, then there will be an opportunity to earn money and buy, or just almost strangers give).

She gave birth to two wonderful boys, Herself. No caesarean. Yes, it was not very calm, it was physically hard - the boys sucked their breasts every 2 hours, the automatic machine after 2 weeks of continuous work simply burned out. But by magic, the machine appeared, and the diapers were presented by strangers with whom I used to work.

Everything was very difficult, but now my daughter is 21, the boys are 12, and we remember with smiles how our uncomfortable huge stroller turned over when I left my daughter alone to bring food home, how we simultaneously woke up from the silence in the house, and our ugly people learned unravel the gum on the doors of the cabinets and evenly scattered all the bulk products throughout the apartment. It was and is very difficult.

But if God gave you children, the whole universe will support you! Now I know for sure.”

Lada, 42 years old

“I got married at 25, gave birth to my eldest daughter at 26. The birth was difficult, because I got into the shift of the medical staff and no one cared about me. Head trauma in a child. The doctor stated that she would be disabled. However, the daughter pulled through. As a doctor myself, I perfectly understand what the consequences could be. Before the school problems: logoneurosis, stuttering. Speech therapist, injections, massage, but the improvement is not great. She was strict with her daughter, listened to all the doctors. Zero contact with daughter. I didn't give myself hugs or kisses.

There was no mention of a second child. The stranger's grandmother gave advice: pray and wish your daughter's health, and also ask the children. I am a Muslim by religion, I went to the mosque, bought prayer books with translation into Russian and slowly started.

14 years have passed, we study in a regular school, in a regular class. Although the teachers in the first grade assigned us to the correctional school, we did not give up. Yes, we will not graduate from institutes, but we will have a secondary vocational education. My daughter loves me, we have a trusting relationship with her as far as possible. And I do not insist on either fives or fours. The most important thing is her happy eyes, that she likes to study in this class, likes her teacher. And thank God for everything! He gave me the strength to overcome this lesson!

Thank God for my second daughter. Her love for us was able to cure me and my eldest daughter. Through my second daughter, I understood and accepted a lot. My advice to you: do not be afraid to give birth to second and third children, even if you have problems with the first. Their and your mutual love will give you strength and help!”

Lera, 41 years old

Although in fact, even here different options are possible - at any age. If there is a desire and aspiration, there is love in the heart that you want to give to children ...

“Our daughter was born in 92. We lived and worked at BAM. The purposeful collapse of the road and everything connected with it began. They didn't get paid, there was nothing to live on. We moved to the Caucasus, but we failed to fit into a new life ... Almost 10 years of terrible poverty ... we didn’t think about any more children ... Then it became easier. Now we have two adopted daughters, aged 8 and 12, the eldest is a psychologist in her 5th year. What I mean is that it's never too late to make your dreams come true."

Love, 53 years old

1 place

Regret that “thrown yourself into the far corner” - 998 people 50% of respondents

Won by a huge margin. The undisputed leader of the poll. And very understandable. It's so typical for women to give. We are designed in such a way that it is easy and pleasant for us to give. We give life to children, we give our body to men, we give home food, clean linen ... It's so easy to play it and completely empty it. It's so easy to chase "goodness" and always give everyone what they want. Completely forgetting about myself.

It is safer - no need to refuse anyone, no need to offend or upset anyone. The only one who gets hurt is myself. And I can be patient. But one day it becomes unbearable from the fact that she has not done anything for herself in life. Or did, but very little. She did not follow her dreams, she fulfilled someone else's. She didn’t take care of herself, and now it’s already “late” (although here this word “late” is generally inappropriate!).

And this feeling can be very oppressive - this is the most "late". Someone thinks that it’s too late to go to the salon if you have never been there, it’s too late to start singing, dancing ... And where is happiness then? Even if everything is “as expected” for you, this does not guarantee happiness. If all this is not yours. If you did not dream about it, but did it only because you had to.

“There are no identical women, not even similar ones. Each is a separate universe! It is not true that everyone wants to be a wife and mother. Someone wants to be a hippie, and someone wants to do business, someone wants to travel, and someone wants to stay at home. And all this is normal! Strange, failed, offended by fate - these are the labels of unknowing people. I was a wife and mother for 23 years, and all this time I was ill. I was them by force. Now my son has grown up, my husband has left, and only at the age of 44 did my wings spread. Everyone thinks I'm in love! I'm just fine! I don't owe anyone anything! I walk down the street and involuntarily smile! This has never happened before. I wore decent, but “foreign” clothes. And now I do only what I want and I don’t care about someone else’s opinion. ”

Sofia, 45 years old

“I really enjoyed singing. It was the most favorite thing in my life. But it wasn't until I was 58 that I started doing it. And before that, I only did what brought little pleasure and therefore I was unhappy.

Nelya, 59 years old

“I tried to prove to my mother that I was not stupid and at least pretty. Therefore, she became a TV journalist. 13 years old. I found fame, but not happiness. Then I decided to find out how it is, a big salary? I had a high income, but most of the money I spent on branded clothes to please the employer and fit the dress code. An absurd situation: you receive money from the employer and spend it to match the employer :) In general, financial solvency did not console me. I quit my job and started doing art. Today I create notebooks, organize master classes and exhibitions of masters. My husband immediately began to move up the career ladder, and his income to grow. Today I know that dreams do come true."

Lilia, 44 years old

“A simple story, like many. The words of my mother accidentally heard in childhood: “Natasha is smart, Anna is beautiful, and mine ... neither this nor that.” And the young maiden rushed to prove to her mother that she is, that she can, study, work, sports ... and continued to prove until she was 35, until she realized that I was not living my life. It’s good that I realized it in time, it’s not easy, I had to uproot something ... and now everything is not going smoothly, it’s hard to learn at the age of forty to be a good wife, to give in, to trust, to inspire ... To be a good mother, because you don’t know how, you just know how not necessary. But I am completely happy - 2 years old wife and 9 months old daughter. Thank the Lord, he enlightened and bestowed, kissed me on the crown of the head.

Elena, 42 years old

There were other things the women talked about. Many have said that it would be good to take care of health while it is. This is especially true for those over 50 years of age. Still, at forty health is still there. Many wrote that you need to find your own way, and not earn money in conventional professions. Many talked about how harmful bad habits are for women - smoking, alcohol.

There was another category that we initially did not take into account in the survey. And on this subject there were many stories and regrets. When we are over 40, our parents are over 60-70. And at this time they can leave the body or get very sick. So many women shared that they regretted spending time on resentment against their parents.

“In the beginning it was very difficult. I did not know how to live on, I felt my orphanhood to the full. I woke up and went to bed alone and defenseless. Helped to adapt to a new life my family.

This acute feeling of orphanhood passed with time, but the memory of my beloved and loving parents, thank God, is constantly present. They live with us in our conversations, individual remarks. My daughter and I do not understand when they say that someone just sometimes remembers their relatives who have gone to other worlds. And we never forget about them! They are ALWAYS present with us, we do not need to remember them. They are in our everyday life and holidays; they are in our words and thoughts; Yes, by and large, we are parts of them! Those we love - LIVE!!!

The only thing I grieve about is that I DIDN'T LOVE, I DIDN'T SAY, I DIDN'T GIVE CARE, TENDERNESS, ATTENTION even during their lifetime. This is my burden now, which darkens my life.

Girls, remember! In due time, you will also be orphaned, just like me! With WHAT and with WHOM will you then stay?! Will your heart bleed and suffer from a sense of your own guilt for the callous, cold, inconsiderate attitude towards those who gave you life? Will anyone cry in a vest? Will there be those who need you, who are the meaning of your life, your core, your anchor, your continuation, to whom you will pass the baton of love and sacrifice? Think about it. The future is created by your hands and hearts now!”

Larisa, 58 years old

“I met my father when I was 40 years old. I did this consciously after one of the systemic constellations according to the method of Bert Hellinger, when I saw the connection between my failures in my personal life and the family of my father. He left me and my mother before I was born. Other than his first and last name, and the fact that by doing so he greatly offended my mother, I knew nothing more about him. And until the very moment of meeting him, I didn’t have any feelings associated with him at all, in my mind there was no whole layer of real ideas not learned from childhood about the essence of the relationship between a man and a woman, when they are together, and, as it turned out, along with this, it was as if empty built-in from birth matrix about the feeling of natural male energies.

When I found my father's phone and called him for the first time, he said harshly that he did not have such a daughter, although he had been well aware of my existence for all 40 years. He had another family and another daughter. A couple of days later, he himself called me with feelings of acceptance and repentance. We began to communicate often by phone, living in different cities. He loved me and our conversations, sometimes even missing my voice. Six months later, I went to meet him personally, because we had no idea what each of us looked like. Dad was able to talk on the phone with my mom. I brought him my childhood photos, we walked around the city and went to the zoo, where he proudly took me by the hand all the time, like a little daughter.

After some time, I felt as if I had found myself, my inner matrix gradually filled up, I began to feel male and female energies in myself, having learned to distinguish, direct and use them. I realized that earlier, with a half-empty matrix, I could not clearly translate my feminine energies into the world, which means that I was energetically neither among women nor among men. And after some time, my personal life began to improve.

Ariadne, 44 years old

I wish everyone happiness! I hope that these stories can inspire you to change and live your life brighter! Regardless of how old you are now.

p.s. If you want - you can fill out a survey (if you are over 40 years old)

Olga Valyaeva