What to do to make the child obey? How to make the child obey. A simple educational trick that works

For parents who are not very friendly with letters themselves

“He only wants to play tanks on the Internet, but he has to force him to sit down for a book,” is the standard explanation of many mothers and fathers (for themselves and those around them) why their children are not eager to read with a flashlight under the covers or in the bathroom. I would like to ask such parents - do you yourself read? Books, not social media posts? Not just another creation of a fashionable author (to honestly say “I didn't like it!” In the company), but for yourself?

If this is an alien occupation for you personally, do not even hope that you will enthrall your child with it. Because all your arguments look artificial and are not supported by personal example. A son or daughter may reasonably conclude that reading literature is another boring, but obligatory attribute of childhood. And only if a child has a “bookworm” inside, which pushes him to open a new book, there is a real chance that he will fall in love with literature.

Therefore, there is only one piece of advice for parents who do not like reading themselves. Namely - to start doing it. Remember the anecdote: “You don’t like cats? You just don't know how to cook them! " It's the same with literature. Among the thousands and thousands of books, there are sure to be those that will become your favorites. Over which you will be sad, cry and laugh. By the way, you can start with the very works that you unsuccessfully slip the child. Swallow the works alone, race with the child, even listen to the audio version in the car, the main thing is to try to "make friends" with prose and poetry. If you have any favorite fictional films, start reading them. Often, the original source turns out to be much stronger than the film version, in addition, the directors have to mercilessly cut off many plot lines so that the film runs not five hours, but only two.

Recipe number 2

For parents who love books very much and do not understand why it was not passed on with genes to their offspring

For starters, forget the pretentious argument that many parents (as well as grandparents) consider incredibly weighty: "I read a lot at your age!" It is impossible to verify whether this is true or not. In addition, in Soviet times there was no Internet or numerous gadgets. Do not force your favorite works on children. This is the same as persistently giving your child construction sets just because for you in kindergarten it was the best birthday present.

This does not mean that the books published in the USSR are worse than those that are being printed now. It's just that they are often DIFFERENT. And OTHER children read them.

Here is how he talks about his vision of this interesting problem. Marina Aromshtam, editor-in-chief of the site "Papmambuk": “The important question is why I (like other“ average ”adults) want children to read the books that I loved. As if my former "love", my childish choice is an indispensable guarantee of quality. The logic here, apparently, is the following. We adults like ourselves. At least in general terms. (How else can it be?) Why did we become so good? Because we were raised right. Our childhood is the golden age of our personal history (it's not for nothing that childhood is considered "kind and pure"). And it is obvious that we have read the "correct books" (children's books are also, as a rule, called "kind"). We rarely admit that we have become “so good” not because of, but, for example, in spite of. And that we had to fight a lot of prejudices and adult-imposed patterns of behavior in order to become who we are. For some reason, this line of reasoning is extremely rare. And we also overestimate our children's books with great difficulty: they are a kind of guarantee of our “good, correct childhood”. As a last resort, we say that their language is "outdated". By the way, Maria Aromshtam conducted a very curious experiment - she brought her main childhood book “The Adventures of a Prehistoric Boy” by d'Ervilli and his modern competitor - the “cool” book “Neanderthal Boy at School and at Home” by Malmusi to the children's literary club meeting. What the children and Marina Aromshtam herself (who re-read her favorite book after a very long break) preferred, you can find out on the website papmambook.ru. By the way, it contains a lot of reviews on a variety of works of authors, which are published today in Russian. And a bunch of useful tips are given. For example, how to stage a tabletop play for a kid based on a specific literary work.

Recipe number 3

For those who are going to the bookstore for children's literature

On the most popular questions of parents on the "shop theme", we asked to answer Tatiana Rudenko and Maria Melik-Pashaeva, who are headed by the publishing house "Melik-Pashayev".

How to choose books for a preschool child?

The peculiarity of the editions for the youngest readers (2-5 years old) is that the artist acts in them as a full-fledged co-author. After all, it is thanks to illustrations that a child who cannot read communicates directly with a book. It is very important for an adult to at least flip through the book - to look closely at the illustrations, design, read several paragraphs of the text. This is, as it were, a primary selection that allows you to filter out publications of dubious quality. The most important thing is that the books are very different: according to the style of drawing, according to the colors, according to the mood. After all, a children's book is like a first trip to a museum, a child gets acquainted with all the diversity of the world thanks to good illustrations.

Should you take your child (over 4 years old) with you to the bookstore and let him decide what to buy?

Yes. It is very important that the child can make his choice, but it is better if he will make this choice from the books you have already selected, because on the shelves there are publications of the most different levels. After making sure that you have a good quality book in your hands, you should give it to your child to see - will he like the drawings? Does he like the hero, does something catchy in the illustrations? It also happens like this: an adult doubts, cannot choose a specific book, and it will immediately sink into the soul of a child. And after reading it together 150 times, you will also love this hero.

On the shelves are the works of many authors who are completely unfamiliar to me. Maybe you should give preference to the time-tested classics?

It is understandable and natural that we are all drawn to what is familiar and loved from childhood. In Soviet times, a large number of good books were indeed published. But it's important to diversify your bookshelf with new and contemporary names. Our favorite is the German writer Janos, Englishman Nick Butterworth, Norwegian writer Alf Preusen, books by a Belgian artist Gabrielle Vincent... Honestly, in addition to specific names, I would like to advise parents not to be afraid of unknown authors and new books (it does not matter, Russian or translated). After all, the topics that interest both children and adults are practically unchanged, but a fresh, modern look can help to see familiar things in a new way.

By the way, in different Moscow stores the price for one and the same book may differ by 10-30%. The most disadvantageous thing is to buy literature at the kiosks of transitions - there you can overpay up to 40%. To save a budget, it is worth picking up a list of books you like, and then finding where they ask for the very modest price (it can even be a bookstore at a publishing house or an online store).

"Over the counter"

And finally, we will answer a few more "literary" questions with the help of Irina Balakhonova, editor-in-chief of the Samokat publishing house.

It is necessary to introduce into the school curriculum, without fail, real "novelties" - books that are no more than 1-2 years old. Why is it necessary to teach language students to work with modern children's prose and poetry, to navigate in it, to choose books for class and extracurricular reading themselves. This is done in Europe and America, where the percentage of children reading and the level of understanding of the text is much higher than today in Russia. All these schemes have been studied for a long time and are successfully used. They are probably familiar to the Ministry of Education. And I would ask our Minister of Education a question why effective schemes of reading propaganda are not being introduced in Russia?

Can an e-book replace a paper book for a child?

You can read aloud to any age, even adults. For example, I really love to do it. Of course, it is important that both the reader and the child like the book. If this is torture for both, the child is unlikely to love reading. In general, as he writes Daniel Pennack, you need to "learn to love to read, and you can only teach to love something that you love yourself." I'm not sure about the voice. Most likely, the monotonous voice of a trucker dad, whom a child sees once a month, will be sweeter for him than all well-delivered acting voices.

What if the child prefers only one genre of literature, and even refuses to get acquainted with others.

It's best to leave him alone and offer him the best of the genre. Nobody said that everyone should prefer Tolstoy to a good detective.

Poems are only for little ones, right?

This is fundamentally wrong. Poems are for everyone, and above all for parents. Brodsky, Mandelstam,Sasha Cherny- the sooner you start reading them to your baby, the fewer questions he will ask you about life.

by the way

You can search for good literature not only by authors, but also by companies that publish them. Here is a list of publishers that produce many interesting children's books:

"Pink giraffe"
"Kick scooter"
"Melik-Pashayev"
"CompassGuide"
"Speech"
Drofa-Plus
"Machaon"
"Zakharov"
"A-BA-BA-HA-LA-MA-HA"
"Children's literature"
"Text"
"Eksmo"
Rosman
"Nastya and Nikita"
Meshcheryakov Publishing House
DETGIZ
"The world of childhood"
"Narnia Center"
"Cars of Creation"
"Azbuka-Atticus"

This conspiracy is used to make the child obey the parents. The conspiracy helps the child's psyche to develop a motive for behavior that is acceptable to him and to the parents.

Children are not always like the ideal that parents dream of, and that's okay. But still, every person raising a child is familiar with the irritation caused by the fact that the offspring ignores the words of the elders.

Sometimes it happens that parents are unhappy with children's disobedience. Children don’t put away toys, don’t eat what they give, don’t do anything else the right way, behave “wrong”. This is very upsetting, since any parent wants to instill the correct model of behavior and at the same time maintain a good relationship with children.

What to do to make the child obey?

There are situations when neither gentle pedagogical methods, nor persuasion, nor shouts and threats can make the child obey. Parents, exhausted, lose hope of finding understanding and a common language with the child, persuading him to behave well and listen to adults.

In this case, you can use a conspiracy¹. This conspiracy must be read over a sleeping child. Gradually, the child's behavior will change for the better, he will listen and hear adults.

Conspiracy text:

“A living cloud flew in and said:“ Listen to your mother, listen to your father! You will be lucky for that. You will have love for this! " How much time will pass, you never know, the child will understand that the parents are right. They take care of themselves, they want peace, and they think about the child, they want happiness.

As soon as (child's name) ceases to obey the parents, a living cloud will immediately arrive and talk with (name). Will tell (name) about life, about other people, about human destinies. (Name) will understand what his parents want from him. He will understand that everything has to be built.

And the spirit and not the spirit, and the friend and not the friend, and the adviser and not the adviser. But only there is power, it is directed towards good. Help for parents and for the good of the child. Hantaa ular. "

Do not forget about the most important thing when pronouncing the words "Hantaa ular", which means: "Thank you, this is my will, so be it," hands must be folded in a boat in front of the chest and make a slight bow.

Notes and feature articles for a deeper understanding of the material

¹ Conspiracy ( slander, words, whispering) - "small" folklore texts that serve as a magical means of achieving the desired in healing, protective, producing and other rituals (

Buyanova Elena. TRIZ teacher
How do I get my child to put away toys?

THE CHILD DOESN'T CLEAN THE TOYS.

Mess. Desires all the time clean up toys myself - no... Forces to swear - no. Sound familiar?

TRIZ-pedagogy is in a hurry to help!

There is in it the miracle of the IFR tool. The ideal end result is a decision when the desired action takes place on its own. Well isn't it great! In our situation, the ideal solution would sound So: "the child himself wants to remove the toys! "I wonder how this is possible! Under what conditions will he want to remove toys CAM!

We offer you solutions based on the approach that the preschooler's leading activity is play. So.

Instead of: "What a mess. Clean it up quickly!"

We speak child 2,5 - 4,5 years: (Game with objects)"Come on, as if we have a box - a monster that eats toys... Shall we feed him? " Or: "Oh you, what kind of helpers we have! A dump truck and a crane. Come on, I'll be a crane. toys collect in a container, and you dump? "

Child 4, 5 - 5.5 years say: (Living in images)"Come on, as if we are two vacuum cleaners, and rake toys, you go there, and I come here. " I store in this box, and you in that. "" Ah, if you were a wizard and conjured up order in the room. " conspiratorially: "but you probably don't even have a magic hat for that!"

Child 5, 5 - 6.5 years say: (Stage of the role-playing game)"Eh, it's time to go to the store. Did you get your wallet? toys! Pay at the checkout and take it home, put it in a box! "" In a fairyland, everyone has toys today ball(in the box)... But it seems not all toys have time for him! "" Come on, you are Aibolit, and we need everything toys move from Africa to clinic (box) for treatment! Submerge them soon, let's take a plane. This is urgent!"

6-7 years old: (Games by the rules)"Who will collect toys while I'm reading this rhyme / while this hourglass is working? Really. (name? Now let's see! "" So, what do we have in our organizer-motivator? How many points did you score? a toy? "and so on. By the way, one of the possible ideal solutions would sound So: "the place itself removes toys! "You think it's impossible! Voila! Look at the Lego rug! It's very interesting to hear your options. Any solutions? Share!

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The new school year is approaching, and all parents start a time of worries. It is necessary not only to get a child (often not one, but several) to school, but also to organize the educational process competently. A uniform, a briefcase, a shift, a sports uniform, notebooks, workbooks, a stationery, a bouquet ... The August bustle is over, it's time to talk about something serious. About studying.

There are three categories of parents.

Some are preoccupied with the question of what else to burden the child with so that he does not have time for nonsense and computer games, since their children have an "easy" school program and too much free time.

Another category of parents is outraged by the difficulty of the school curriculum. Neither children nor parents have free time, since all of it is spent on joint preparation of lessons, since it is impossible to cope with such a volume of knowledge on your own.

In every small child - both a boy and a girl ...

If you don’t want to feel like a monkey from a cartoon all year - I forgot one thing, I didn’t have time for another, the children scattered in different directions, then read this article to the end.

Summer is over, freedom and lack of a schedule are over, harsh everyday life begins. For many children, school after the summer break is like joining the army. It takes time to adapt and integrate into the working regime. It is not easy. How we help the child in this - by shouting, prodding, or the correct organization and praise, largely depends on his attitude towards learning and, as a result, his marks at school.

No noise and dust, no nerves and rush

First, let's think, are you all ready for the new school year? If not, then there is still a little time to fix it. The main thing is to do everything without haste and with pleasure. When we don't have time for something, we get nervous. When we are nervous, we scream, we can break out on children.

Preparing for school should be fun for your child!

Take the kids to the store. When they choose pens and notebooks to their liking, the positive attitude will extend to their studies. There are some nuances with the choice of school uniform. If girls, especially those with a visual vector, like to try on different styles, choose the best one, then for most boys trying on in a store is a flour. Therefore, "do not annoy your children": they quickly tried on, bought - and ice cream!

The most important thing is that the lack of something to put in the portfolio is not discovered late in the evening or in the morning just before leaving for school.

Therefore, it is very important to build several good habits into the child's regimen, the purpose of which is to instill in the child the skill of planning and self-organization.

Good habits

When developing good habits, the most important thing is to maintain a friendly and safe atmosphere in the family, to make the child feel successful.

The habit of collecting a portfolio in the evening. His portfolio is his area of ​​responsibility. It is clear that if you have a first-grader, then first we show, we do it together, then he collects the portfolio himself under your supervision, and at the final stage he collects the portfolio himself every evening and puts it at the exit.

We also prepare school clothes in the evening so that in the morning there is no need to rush around the apartment in search of a tie, socks or hairpins.

Give your child a schedule: what and when to do, where and when to go. It is still difficult for a first-grader to independently cope with a huge amount of information; in addition to the schedule of lessons, circles and sections, he needs a kind of checklist for each type of activity with a clear sequence of actions, a kind of algorithm, what to do for what. Preferably in pictures.

Then he will definitely not forget anything.

For example, going to the pool. We take off outerwear and outdoor shoes - we put on slates on our feet - we hand over clothes and shoes to the wardrobe - we go to the locker room - we take off all our clothes - we take a towel, swimsuit and soap accessories - we go to the shower, we wash - we put on a swimsuit - we go swimming - we went for a swim - we go in the shower, we wash - we dry ourselves with a towel, we take a swimsuit and soap accessories - we go change clothes - we dry our hair - we put everything in a bag - we get clothes in the wardrobe, we dress and put on shoes, - hurray, we are great!

An older child can enter the schedule of their classes and activities on the phone, set reminders.

Make smartphone use family-friendly. It's no secret that modern children "hang" on their phones. If your student is in elementary school, teach him to put the phone down while he does homework. Do this kindly by explaining, not berating the child.

Take gadgets from children an hour before bedtime, turn off the TV. Make it a rule of thumb. Put a reminder on your phone. Use the free time for positive communication with children. Let them read, draw, play board games. Reading with children, reading aloud, discussing or commenting on the characters' behavior is a powerful educational and unifying factor in the family. Children will look forward to this moment with pleasure.

Teach the phone to put it on charge in the evening, but not in the room where the child sleeps, but in another, so that he does not have the temptation to take it at night.

Have your child answer three questions

Ask them in a friendly way, at a convenient time. It can be at dinner, when all family members gather at the same table, or before going to bed, when he is already in bed. These questions will teach him to analyze today and plan tomorrow, maintain a strong emotional connection between you, and create an atmosphere of trust.

What good happened today in a day?

What happened today?

What should I think about to make tomorrow better?

Before requiring a child to do his homework on his own, you just need to accustom him to the maximum independence at the level that he is capable of at his age, according to the type of psyche that he possesses.

Individual characteristics of self-education

It is no secret that there are children who are independent from childhood, but there are those who need to be taught to be independent for a long time and painfully. And here everything depends not only on upbringing, but also on the individual inborn characteristics of the child - his vectors.

A child with an urethral vector is a natural leader, he always does everything himself, it is impossible to force him to do what he does not want. He does lessons only those that are interesting to him. It can neither be forced nor limited. He needs a very special approach, based on his innate tendency to take responsibility for others. “Look, if you don’t do the math, then no one in the class will do the math. Nothing for you, but they will get at home from their mothers and fathers. You can't do that to your guys, can you? " - something like this looks like a conversation with a urethral child.

“… A couple of months before the start of the training I decided to start teaching my 5-year-old child to read. Earlier, I periodically listened to free lectures, determined that he has skin, and also vision (he is very afraid of the dark). But these classes in a few minutes ended with my swearing and his tears, I began to get nervous, screaming, scolding him that he could not sit quietly. This was the end of the first attempt to eradicate illiteracy.

Then the training began, we decided to try again. An understanding of his skin vector came, that he simply cannot sit in one place, that he needs to spin around me 3 times, urgently take something somewhere, etc. And this no longer irritates me, but, on the contrary, a smile, it is his skin that manifests itself this way. And he began to grasp everything very quickly, with joy, he himself began to ask to read together. So far this is the most obvious result for me ... "

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan's online trainings "System-Vector Psychology"
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All parents are very upset when their child, whom they taught to walk and talk, moves away from them. What to do in such cases? How do you get your child to listen to their parents when things get out of hand?

Raising children is not an easy task, as this process is aimed at shaping the character and behavior of children. But sometimes parents simply run out of patience. It is important to remember that there is no perfect parenting method. All parents learn by trial and error. Good parents are constantly improving their parenting and never consider themselves perfect. Therefore, they do not get upset, realizing their imperfection.

There are no ideal parents or ideal children. Your sweet and adorable baby, to whom you recently sang lullabies before bedtime, now falls into hysterics and pisses you off. It's worth remembering, however, that kids don't misbehave because they hate you. It simply means that your child is growing and developing.

At school, the child obeys the rules all day, and the house remains for him the only place where he can show his will. Self-reliance is something new to him and he is exploring it. Parents may find this period of child's development unbearable. But by following certain rules, they can make their life much easier.

Be creative when giving instructions

Raising a child without a sense of humor will turn into dry mathematics. Humor can make parenting fun for both the parent and the child.

Teaching the child in a funny tone, imitating cartoon characters, or dancing in a funny way creates a good mood for the child and encourages children to follow their parents' instructions. Children love small games if they are included in their daily activities. For example, your child will like ordinary brushing before bedtime more if you compose a song about it with him. It's also good if you make funny faces while brushing your teeth. Being creative in your daily activities will help you avoid the daily tantrums of children.

Stay on the right level when speaking

If a child misbehaves, parents often just stand over him and scold him. They need to understand that he might be intimidated by a tall, angry adult taller than him. The child focuses not on what you say to him, but on your appearance. Therefore, it is important to get down to the level of the child's eyes and only then start talking.

Be a good listener

The quickest way parents can get their child's attention is to sit down and show that you are comfortable. If you want your children to listen to you, first become a good listener yourself. Be attentive when your child tells you about what he did during the day. When he shows you something he’s been working on for a long time, take a break from all your activities, listen to him and respond appropriately.

Show respect for your child

If you want your child to treat you with respect, show respect yourself. Children learn by observing others, so you need to treat them with respect so that they treat you the same way. If a child comes to you with a question, pay attention to him, look in the eyes and give an answer. Thanks to this, next time you can explain to your child that when you talk to him, he should take his mind off his business and listen to you. He will also understand that it is imperative to listen to you, and this is not discussed.

Inappropriate behavior and the consequences for it must be agreed in advance.

It is necessary to clearly discuss with the child what his behavior is unacceptable and what the consequences will be in this case. For example, if a child was allowed to play computer games for an hour, he should finish the game in an hour without any dispute. If the child breaks the agreement, the consequence will be that you do not allow him to play computer games for a certain period of time. To kid

7-8 years old it will be difficult not to play all day, but a teenager can refrain from playing for a week or two.

Don't deny a child's emotions

Denying emotions can be confusing and upsetting for a child. If the child is crying because grandparents are leaving, you shouldn't say, "You don't need to cry." The child is upset and you should acknowledge his feelings. Better to console him with these words: "I know that you are upset, but grandparents will come to us again next month."

Don't yell at baby

When you tell your child to turn off the TV or go to dinner, do not raise your voice. If he does something, wait for him to finish. For example, if he is watching TV, watch him for a couple of minutes, and when dinner is ready, tell him to go to eat during the commercial break. Remind him to wash his hands.

If you insist that the child stop all activities immediately, it can be difficult for him. Respect your child's activities and they will respect you.

Insist on what you say

Defending your position is another element of upbringing. If you make a decision, don't change it. When you say, “I’m not taking you with me if you don’t learn your homework,” then keep your word. Do not allow situations when a child, having turned to your spouse, can receive permission to visit. This way you will lose your credibility in the eyes of the child.

Don't make promises to your child if you're not sure you can keep them. But, if you promise anything, keep your word. Promises can be as simple as, "If you behave well at a party, I will let you watch cartoons on Saturday." Failure to keep promises undermines the child's trust in you.

Don't blame the child

If your child gets a bad grade at school for not completing their homework, don't tell them, "You never learn." Do not criticize the child's character, but try to correct his bad behavior. Tell him, "It's a shame you didn't learn your homework yesterday." Do not use phrases like: "You always do this," "You never listen," etc. If you don't blame your child, positive changes will occur to him.

Apologize to your child and thank him when needed.

We expect our child to ask for forgiveness when he does something wrong. But it is also important to ask for forgiveness ourselves when we are wrong. If you blame your child for spilling water and then find out that he didn’t do it, apologize. This way you will not lose your credibility in his eyes. The child will learn to apologize every time you are wrong. And this rule applies to all family members. It's also important to thank others when needed.

Take your child seriously

It is not enough just to listen to the child - you must also respect his opinion. Notice what you like and what you dislike about the child. If your child does not like an activity, do not force him to do it just because you want to. If your child says he doesn't like the nanny, don't ignore his words. Children are naive and sometimes live in their ideal world, but it is important to check the facts, and not take their words lightly.

Provide your child with alternatives

If you are forbidding something to a child, find an alternative to it. If the child wanted to go to the movies with friends, and you did not allow, offer him something in return. For example, bake together the cake he asked you a few days ago. An interesting alternative will help your child cope with rejection more easily.

Encourage your child

For a child, both discipline and rewards are equally important. However, there is a fine line between rewards and bribery. The difference is that bribery is given under pressure, while rewards are voluntary. Buying ice cream for your child to be good at the supermarket will do more harm than good.

Promotion is something else. Reward does not imply purchases or privileges that can spoil the child, but is intended to motivate him. For example, you can tell your child, "If you quickly clean the room, we will watch your favorite movie in the evening."

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