Good to know 

How to save a marriage after having a baby. After the birth of a child, relations with her husband deteriorated

Alas, today you can often hear a story about how a woman's relationship with her husband deteriorated after the birth of a child. This is not to say that this has not happened in the past, but the current scope of this problem is really frightening. After all, most couples do not withstand a family crisis, which subsequently leads to constant quarrels and scandals.

Naturally, it is difficult to live in such conditions, moreover, such an atmosphere negatively affects the psyche of the child. So let's talk about why people change after having a baby. What factors affect the atmosphere in the house? And what to do if the relationship with your husband deteriorated after childbirth?

Having a baby is always stressful.

If you think that nine months of pregnancy is a serious test, then you are clearly mistaken. In psychology, there is such a thing as a “crisis of one year”. Its essence lies in the fact that the first year after the birth of a child is the most severe period. It is on him that the greatest number of scandals and domestic misunderstandings fall.

To begin with, it should be noted that this is a completely normal phenomenon. After all, the appearance of a child is a great stress for parents, especially if he is their first child. At the same time, both women and men experience psychological shock. The only problem is that they look at the same things differently. This serves as the basis for the emergence of various kinds of disagreements, and subsequently major quarrels.

And the more time passes, the more clearly the woman realizes the fact that her relationship with her husband has deteriorated. What to do in this case? First of all, you should stop panicking and try to solve the issue with shouts and reproaches. After all, such behavior will only exacerbate the current state of affairs. It would be more reasonable to understand what exactly caused the discomfort in the family, and only then begin to correct it.

invisible wall

The fact that relations with her husband deteriorated after the birth of a child can be understood by the atmosphere that prevails in the house. Sometimes it seems that an invisible wall is formed between the spouses. And the longer they are inactive, the thicker and rougher it becomes. Therefore, so that the problem does not develop into a crisis of one year, you should try to solve it immediately after returning from the hospital.

To do this, let's look at the main differences in female and male psychology. What life priorities are more important for each of the spouses? And why do they so often put forward unfounded claims to each other?

Features of the female worldview

The woman is the mother. These two words vividly illustrate the essence of the behavior of girls during pregnancy and after it. That is, a woman always puts others in the first place, regardless of her type of character and worldview. Naturally, there are exceptions, but in most cases this is exactly what happens.

Therefore, it is not surprising that women, after the birth of a child, go headlong into caring for their child. It is quite logical for them that everything should revolve around their crumbs, since he is the long-awaited fruit of love. This is the maternal instinct, thanks to which our species was able to overcome all the hardships and hardships of evolutionary struggle.

The problem is that sometimes girls go too deep into this process. After all, it is one thing when a reasonable share of attention is paid to a child, and quite another when the mother ceases to see the rest of the world behind him. Therefore, you need to be able to rein in your love in order to soberly assess the required amount of care.

Prankster Hormones

The first months after childbirth are the hardest. The reason for this is the instability of the hormonal background and postpartum indisposition of the body. This leads to the fact that the mood, like a carousel, then rises, then again falls into the abyss. Such differences affect the psyche of a woman, making her less resistant to conflicts.

Therefore, it is not surprising that on such days even a small quarrel can bring a girl to a nervous breakdown. Not to mention the fact that any trifle becomes the reason for it. Of course, in a few months her mood will return to normal, only during this time the family crisis can reach the point, followed by serious problems.

Egocentricity of men

To say that all men are selfish is wrong. But at the same time, they are not inclined to such dedication as women, because of this they constantly reflect on who is in charge in the house. Therefore, at best, they perceive the child as an equal, and at worst, they put themselves in first place. Consequently, they do not perceive well those situations when they are deprived of their usual care and love.

Simply put, they begin to feel jealousy towards their child. Naturally, she is not as evil as in the case of a male competitor, but still she is. This perception of the world leads to the fact that the spouse begins to unwittingly look for confirmation that he is deprived or somehow ignored. At the same time, any little things are taken into account: how many times they said a kind word to him, whether they fed him in the morning, whether they smiled in response, and so on.

It is clear that such thoughts will soon develop into resentment, and then break out. First, the husband will begin to make reproaches, then raise his voice, and everything will end with a grandiose scandal. And then the young dad will no longer want to control his emotions, and such skirmishes will be repeated more and more often.

At this point, he should be stopped by explaining the real state of affairs. Firstly, they didn’t stop loving him, it’s just that now these feelings have moved to a new level, more complex and demanding. Secondly, such behavior will not lead to anything good, since a harmonious one cannot be built on jealousy and scandals.

man and sex

Girls and boys have different priorities in life. So, for the first feelings and mutual understanding is the key to a happy marriage. But for men, sex is added to this list. After all, without him, they can not imagine their family life. The trouble is that during pregnancy they are protected from most bodily pleasures, which inevitably leads to sexual hunger.

The only thing that consoled them was the dreams of a normal life. Alas, in most cases their hopes are shattered. This can be explained by the fact that during breastfeeding, women are not particularly attuned to sex. Such a mechanism is laid down by nature, and nothing can be done about it.

However, men do not understand this. Consequently, they begin to blame their "hunger" on their wives, as if they are deliberately denying them intimacy. Again, such thoughts sooner or later result in reproaches that clearly do not improve the atmosphere in the house. Therefore, long breaks in sex should be avoided, even if the woman still does not feel the former fuse and passion.

Difficulty of the first year

Another important factor influencing is fatigue. In the first year, the child is naughty from morning to night, thereby adding fuel to the fire. And the worst thing is that nothing can be done about it, because at this age children still cannot control their behavior.

It remains only to realize: the problem is not that the child wakes up at night and wakes everyone around, but that it is you who have not yet adapted to this. You need to set yourself up for the fact that these are only temporary inconveniences that are needed for the highest good. This is the only way to strengthen your spirit and survive these difficult times.

Inaction is not an option

Regardless of why the relationship with your husband soured after the birth of a child, inaction will be the worst way to solve this problem. After all, the longer the invisible wall between you, the more difficult it is to destroy it. That is why psychologists recommend starting as early as possible.

It does not matter at all who is in charge in the house. Much more important is who will take the first step towards each other. But again, men are less accommodating in this matter, so the role of truce truce often falls to a woman. The reason for this behavior lies in the fact that representatives of the strong half of humanity are accustomed to seeing themselves as warriors made of flint. And it is undesirable for them to show sentimentality and become limp over trifles.

Of course, such an alignment does not entirely suit women, as they have to give up their pride. But in this case, we are talking about preserving the family, and therefore you will have to choose between the common good and your own ambitions. In addition, in the future, men also have to do a lot of work in order to achieve harmony in the family.

It all starts with a conversation

The first step is the most difficult, because at this moment the heart is overcome by doubts about how the other person will perceive it. But you need to understand that expectation torments the soul in the same way, and maybe even more. Therefore, you should not postpone the conversation with your husband on the back burner, but immediately go to the heart of the problem.

When talking with a loved one, you must rely on the following rules:

  • First, the dialogue should be two-way. That is, it is necessary to achieve such an atmosphere in which both parties will talk about their problems, experiences and anxieties.
  • Secondly, it is necessary to maintain warmth in words. Remember: this is a conversation between two people in love, and not negotiations between countries that have been at war with each other for centuries.
  • Third, don't hide anything. Even a small secret or reproach can lead to the situation repeating itself in the future.

The place for conversation is also important. It is best to create an atmosphere of romance, so that an aura of peace and love soars around. At the same time, alcohol is recommended to be excluded, since in this case it is more likely to harm the conversation than to lead to positive results. But delicious food, on the contrary, contributes to the development of dialogue, because it is not for nothing that all diplomatic missions are accompanied by magnificent banquets and feasts.

The first pitfall

The trouble is that not every young dad is ready to discuss his problems. Again, the warrior syndrome is to blame, which makes men be an impregnable rock. Such emotional stability, on the one hand, attracts, and on the other hand, suggests that your spouse is a real log.

In this case, it will be difficult to solve the problem by talking, as the husband can simply brush them off. But you can’t give up, you need to constantly push the man to this issue, hinting at its importance. You can use any tricks, from a smile to a tempting offer to discuss everything in bed.

It should be understood that conversation is the basis of everything. Only he will help to understand why relations with her husband have deteriorated. After the birth of a child, there are a lot of such factors, and therefore they cannot be determined in other ways.

There are three of us now

Many parents try to adjust to having children by living by the old rules. The truth is that this method constantly fails, since it is designed only for two. But now the family has become larger, which means it's time to make changes in the usual way of life. And above all, you should focus on the following principles:

  1. Everyone deserves attention. The child is naughty almost always, but this does not mean that you need to devote all your free time to him. Learn to set aside a few hours to be alone, in a loving atmosphere. This will rally your family and keep it from bursting like a balloon.
  2. No screaming in the house. Naturally, avoiding all scandals will not work, but you can minimize them. Just agree that for some time you will refrain from high tone and mutual reproaches. Remember: this behavior not only strengthens the marriage, but also has a positive effect on the psyche of your child.
  3. Mirror effect. The essence of this principle is to regularly put yourself in the place of your partner. Think about how difficult his day was, what he lacks and how you would behave if you were in his place.
  4. Complete parents. You should not raise a child alone, because a man is a father. The child wakes up at night - take turns to put him down, busy in the kitchen - let him watch the bed, sore throat - let him sing a lullaby with his bass.
  5. Seek help from others. Often young couples run to the point of exhaustion just because they don't have the courage to ask their relatives for help. Of course, there are grandparents who are afraid to leave children. But remember that you are also living people, and you need time for yourself.

paternal instinct

It so happened that in women, the maternal instinct turns on immediately after childbirth. However, things are different for men. In order to reach their subconscious, it takes time and a special approach, otherwise they may develop subconscious jealousy for their child.

So, how to awaken a man's primordial instincts? In fact, everything is quite simple: you need to leave him alone with his son or daughter as often as possible. But for some reason, most moms are afraid to take this step. They are sure that this will lead to irreparable consequences, as if this is not their man, but some kind of animal.

But the truth is that fathers do their job just as well as mothers. The only thing is that they need more time to train, since everything has to be learned from scratch. Here it is important to fully support the spouse and, if necessary, give small hints. And soon dad will not only forget about jealousy, but will also become a real helper for mom.

The stick and stick method

Remember courtship? When a man presents a girl with many flowers and gifts, and for this she idolizes him and gives her affection. So, the first year after the birth of a child should be perceived as a period of courtship in the sense that you need to return the former tenderness to the relationship. From a woman, care is required not only for the child, but also for her man. Naturally, in such a period, this is a difficult task, but no one said that it would be easy. Therefore, the wife must do everything possible to show her husband her love and that she has not changed after replenishing the family.

However, if the girl shows concern, and the guy does not reciprocate, then it's time to move on to the whip. That is, remove from family life all those joys that inspire a man. In this case, it is necessary to indicate the reason for such behavior, so that he knows why this happens. By the way, men do not understand hints well, so it is better to speak directly, explaining what exactly does not suit the girl. Thus, it will be possible to save time and avoid possible misunderstandings and joint insults.

If the relationship is at an impasse

Alas, it is not always possible to solve the problem of damaged relationships with the help of conversations and female tricks. Sometimes it happens that a married couple has come to the edge from which it is already difficult to go back. And then the only right decision is going to a psychologist. The only trouble is that in our country such methods are considered ineffective.

But believe that it is this decision that will help save your family. After all, a good specialist is able not only to listen, but also to give the necessary advice. Fulfilling them, the couple herself will not notice how life will begin to acquire bright colors again. Therefore, it is worth throwing aside all stereotypes and start solving problems the way they deserve it. After all, not only the fate of the family depends on this, but also what future the child will have.

What feelings do you experience after the birth of a child, especially the first child? That's right, delight, happiness, boundless love for the baby, absorption and intoxication with love ... And what does HE feel, have you ever wondered? No, you're thinking wrong...

Not the child feels, but your soulmate, whose half is your common child! What about HE, you ask? He is not a child, an adult and independent person, he must understand that I am not up to him now! Congratulations! You have deliberately taken the first step towards the destruction of your marriage. If such a turn of events is not in your plans, then we will try to tell you how to save a family after the birth of a child.

Life after birth through the eyes of a man

He took his wife to the hospital. Sat. I thought. I realized that I have a few days of freedom. Decided not to waste time. I cleaned up in advance, prepared a crib, other little things. In order not to visit bad thoughts, I met with friends. We drank. The child was born. Noted. I remembered that I forgot to congratulate my wife. I bought flowers and fruits. Congratulated.

Extract. Handed the envelope, came home, unfolded. Relatives groaned, gasped, congratulated, parted. Conducted a comparative analysis of the baby's physiognomy for compliance with mine. Seems like it. Hooray! I am a father!

Week later. I try to stay longer at work or somewhere else. Looks like I'm the odd one out at home now. I'm scared to sleep. The understanding came that it would not be possible very soon. The child constantly yells and you have to please him, rocking him in your arms. The wife is busy only with him, she does not care about everything else. Constant reproaches that I do everything wrong and there is no sense from me. The whole world now revolves around the child, and for his wife, he has become the meaning of life. She even sleeps with him. Looks like our marriage is over.

After the birth of the child, the relationship between the wife and husband deteriorated

Life after birth through the eyes of a woman

We arrived at the hospital. Fear of the unknown and understanding that you are alone with this fear. The past childbirth is like a terrible dream that ended with the birth of a small miracle. Feelings of resentment towards her husband. It turns out that at a time when I had to endure so much, he was just having fun with friends. I didn't even congratulate you. It doesn't seem to matter to him at all that he has a child.

Finally, I'm discharged and I can rest at home. Constant medical procedures, the cry of newborns day and night did not allow me or the baby to relax. Dad looks dumbfounded, it looks like he's only just starting to get it. We arrived home, with a sense of pride unfolded the baby, everyone was delighted. I breathed a sigh of relief after the departure of the guests. Everything is behind us, and now there are three of us. I'm happy!

Week later. I fall down from exhaustion. I do not have time to do anything around the house, my happiness requires continuous attention. I run to him with all my legs at the first call because of the fear that my baby, what good, will scream at himself a hernia. I constantly want to sleep, but light sleep interferes with this process. I wake up even from the simple stirring of a child. In order not to run a hundred times to the crib, she put him to sleep with her. There is almost no help from her husband, he walks gloomy and with a displeased face. Doesn't he notice how hard it is for me right now? I was very disappointed in him and our marriage.

If the development of the situation continues according to the scenario described above, then a blank wall of misunderstanding will grow between the spouses, and the marriage will begin to crack under the increasing heat of mutual discontent. We will not pay attention to a detailed analysis of the reasons for the cooling of relations between spouses after the birth of a child.

There is only one reason - the discrepancy between expectations and the realities of life "three of us" both on the part of mom and dad, mental and informational unpreparedness.

And everything else is a natural consequence of this main reason.

Signs of postpartum depression in women

How to correct the current situation?

First, stop blaming a sick head on a healthy one. Do not expect your spouse to suddenly understand everything and begin to magically correct himself. Take the reins of government into your own hands.

Your marriage is in your hands.

Start sorting things out on your own. Yes, you are tired, no one argues. But since ancient times, a woman has been the keeper of the family hearth, and it largely depended on her how warm and comfortable the family members will feel within her framework.

  • clear to yourself for a start that a child is not “the light of your eyes” and not an end in itself in life. This is the same as you, a member of society, albeit not yet formed. He has his own path in life, which he will choose himself, regardless of your desires. Help him, love him, but without fanaticism and admiration for him as before a deity. Imagine that you have it for the seventh in a row.
  • Stop picking on your husband and constantly reproach. Even if he is at fault, the best weapon when you are annoyed, enraged, etc. is silence. Tell him how and what he is guilty of, and how many times he is guilty when you are calm, which will also allow you to soberly assess the situation.
  • ask your husband to help you with the baby and the housework. Marriage is a joint sharing of family responsibilities, both in sorrow and in joy. Only calmly, without hysterical screams, that no one cares how dirty you are! He perfectly understands that you get tired and sometimes you need to wash.
  • leave boring comments on how to do it right, and how not to - do not underestimate his self-esteem. Let him get out himself, or ask you. Do not worry about the child, he is in good hands. Have you married the right person? Yes, and the child craves communication with dad.
  • humbly accept the fact that for the next year or three you will be dependent on the child and limited in your freedom. You will no longer be able, as before, to play tricks with your girlfriends somewhere in the middle of nowhere, easily get out to a barbecue, or, at worst, jump with a parachute and go on a mountain expedition. But you knew about it even before marriage, didn't you?
  • try to spend at least a couple of hours a week alone, without a child. Figure out how to technically implement it. Forget about the existence of "blood" for this time. Yes, calm down, nothing will happen to the child during this time. Feel needed again for each other, and not just for the child!

After the birth of the child, she completely fell out of love with her husband

Taking into account these simple tips, changing your attitude towards your spouse and child, discarding fantasies on the topic “what should be the ideal marriage”, you will feel better. Not physically, but mentally for sure. You will begin to notice what a wonderful husband you have and a wonderful dad, and how good the three of you are. And if mom is happy, baby is happy. And dad! In such a positive mood, it is easier to see how family troubles can be avoided further and a strong union of two loving hearts can be maintained.

Has your relationship changed since the birth of your first child? Many will answer this question unequivocally: "Yes". Indeed, the appearance of a baby cannot but affect the way of the family, the psychological atmosphere, the relationship between husband and wife, and other relatives.

After conducting a survey among women who have recently become mothers, I found out that most of them say that relations with the appearance of a child in their family have changed for the worse (55% of respondents), slightly fewer opinions are in favor of improving relations (35%) and a small part of the respondents said that relations had not changed in any way (10%). A survey among young fathers showed approximately the same picture: for the worse - 70%, for the better - 25%, did not change at all - 5%.

Do not rush to be sad, the third man in the family is not superfluous! This state of affairs is a completely normal picture. Let's take a look at the problem in order and start with the good.

Hooray! Now we are a family

We gave birth to our Artemka together, - says Anna. - I immediately noticed in the postpartum ward how my husband had changed! Tired, but happy, we cried ... My husband and I love each other even more. The kid gave us the right to be called a family! I read somewhere: if after the birth of a child you are not divorced, then love has settled in your house.

Our relationship has become a little better, - says Yulia. - We see each other's reflection in the child. When I see my husband working with a child, I love him even more. Although it seems that there is nowhere else.

The girls are absolutely right, a real family is when there is a child. A kid in which, like in a mirror, both mother's and father's features are reflected. "How your baby looks like daddy!" - the observant neighbor will say. "And handsome as a mother!" - the passer-by will confirm. There are no sweeter words, because our children are an extension of ourselves.

Life doesn't go in vain if someone in this world says "mom" to you! This opinion is shared by modern psychologists. They note that motherhood has a beneficial effect on a woman in many ways. We become self-confident, as we have achieved self-realization in life; attitude towards life becomes more positive.

Scientists say that a woman who has a baby becomes smarter... Due to hormonal changes in her body, the size of cells in certain areas of the brain increases, which has a beneficial effect on its work. Yes, and the little child himself and caring for him makes mommy be smarter, more collected, find solutions in the most unexpected situations.

Beneficial changes in the body after the birth of a child are experienced not only by mothers. Fathers who take part in the upbringing of the baby are also changing for the better. For example, the work of the brain improves, especially those departments that are responsible for planning and memory.

Our husbands are also undergoing psychological changes. They are proud of their paternity, because it puts them in society a few steps higher. Young dads feel responsible for the baby, they try to earn more money to provide for the family. They are imbued with respect for their soulmate, especially if they were in childbirth.

The presence of a husband at childbirth brings couples closer together. But I would like to make a reservation that we are talking about such participation, for which the couple specially prepared, attended partner childbirth courses, and, if necessary, consulted with a psychologist.

Previously, it was believed that the upbringing of children affects the psyche of women much more than the psyche of men. But recent research into male experiences has shown that fatherhood affects men just as much as motherhood affects women.

The first serious test for a young family is the birth of a child. If you have been married for several years before having offspring, it will be easier to go through difficulties, but no one will give a guarantee for one hundred percent success either. As my small sociological study shows, a fairly large percentage of women tend to believe that the appearance of a baby has improved relations with their husband. This does not mean that there are no problems in their family at all, rather they are looked at from a positive point of view.

If we talk about relationships, then our relationship has become stronger, - says Maria, - my husband has become more courteous, because he sees that I'm getting tired. And I began to be more attentive to my husband, as I see how he strains at work for us. But at the same time, we feel a load on our shoulders, which is why there are "scolds" and misunderstandings, which were almost non-existent before. If we talk about life in general, then, of course, ours has changed dramatically! Well, maybe not so cool with my husband, but I definitely do! Count at home all day, there is almost no time for yourself, communication is minimal, sleepless nights, and so on. The birth of a child in a family is a great test, very difficult, but at the same time so pleasant ...

The birth of a child brought a lot of new things to our family, - says Sergey. - A lot, a lot of good, joyful and bright. But there are no less problems. I try to smooth out unpleasant moments, I understand how hard it is for my wife with a baby, she herself has not recovered after giving birth. I think that over time everything will get better, we will learn to live in a new capacity - as parents.

Parents who raise children together with a spouse have a lower risk of depression compared to those who raise children alone, psychologists say. There is no doubt about this. Together it is easier to endure difficulties, the main thing is not to create them for each other.

If the crisis came

According to statistics, many couples break up in the first two or three years after the birth of a child. In general, every second couple undergoes a divorce. Why? After all, it would seem that the birth of a child makes the family complete. What is the reason for the misunderstanding between spouses? Maybe it's from excessive male pride or female incontinence? I don't think it's all that clear...

Relations have become just terrible, says Ekaterina. - It's not easy for me to talk about it and realize it, but our relationship is terrible. Whatever the day, then a quarrel, someone is dissatisfied with someone, and then they add fuel to the fire. To be honest, I sometimes think about a divorce, but then I look at the child and understand that I don’t want to deprive him of a full-fledged family.

After the birth of my daughter, my husband and I began to quarrel often, says Anastasia. - We have different views on the upbringing and attitude towards the child. We quarreled to the point that when Masha was one year old, we divorced. He already has another woman. I regret that I could not save my family ...

I remember that I used to wonder how it was: they got married, they were so happy, and then a child was born, and they parted, - says Alicia. I couldn't understand or accept it. Now I understand that the birth of a child is a family test for strength. I'm glad we survived it. Our relationship has certainly changed. The family has a new leader and at the same time the center of the universe.

First about dad

Here is how Uncle Benjamin Spock sees this problem and its solution: “In the depths of his soul, a husband may feel superfluous (as a little boy sometimes considers himself rejected when he finds out about his mother’s pregnancy). Outwardly, this hidden feeling manifests itself in irritability towards his wife, in desire to spend evenings with friends outside the home, in courting other women.At the same time, the wife is deprived of the support of her husband at the very time when she needs her most, when a new, unfamiliar stage of her life begins.

The great pediatrician of all times and peoples shows us that the period of the appearance of a baby in the family is difficult not only for his mother, but also for his father. He writes: “Coming to the maternity hospital to visit his wife and child, the husband does not feel like the head of the family – for the staff he is just another visitor… again the husband plays mainly the role of a porter."

After such words, you understand your husband. Why and from what sometimes he behaves completely wrong. Resentment and jealousy simply speak in him, that now he is not needed, as if he had fulfilled his duty and is now free.

All the attention hitherto directed at the husband is now given to the child, - Pavel shares his impressions of fatherhood. - By the way, for girls the calling "MOTHER" is much more significant than "WIFE". Therefore, the husband fades into the background.

For the first six months, I couldn’t realize that in addition to my wife, I also had a child, ”says Arkady. “Then I had to take matters into my own hands. Of the sensations - immediately after the hospital, a feeling of gratitude. A little later - a small offense. Then the resentment went away. Once it became offended, it was necessary to raise a child.

Benjamin Spock suggests actively including the husband in the process of preparing for childbirth and caring for the baby. Spouses can visit a doctor together, go to consultations and courses to prepare for childbirth. If your husband wants to attend the birth, do not refuse him. You can dedicate the future dad not to all the sacraments of the birth of an heir.


For example, my husband limited himself to helping me in the prenatal ward, then I remained surrounded by doctors and obstetricians. After our baby was born and screamed, he was again invited to me, or rather, to us already ... The medical staff congratulated the newly-made dad, the midwife seriously talked about how the birth went, the pediatrician said that the baby was healthy and it was time to wash him, measure and wrap in the first clothes. My husband was invited to take part in the examination of our son, where he took the first photographs of the heir.

I never stop saying thank you to my husband for his support in difficult times. Then, in the prenatal ward, I really needed him: we sang, and puffed, and jumped when the fight was going on ... I think such an active participation in childbirth rallied us even more, set up further family life in the right, benevolent direction.

In the future, I also tried to involve my husband in caring for the baby. Sometimes it was purely symbolic, but very important for the atmosphere in the family. In the early days, the task of changing the diaper of our dad's little one was confusing, and this process dragged on. But over time, everything began to work out for him, this gave reason for pride in front of acquaintances and friends. He, like an experienced connoisseur, shared his observations of his little son with mothers on the playground, taught the young and inexperienced, but, of course, in jest ...

And now about mom

A young mother cannot do without special attention and care. And the care of the husband should not be limited only to earning money. Kind words, a bouquet of flowers for no reason, help around the house and in caring for a child - sometimes this is enough to keep a strong family.

“A husband must constantly remember that his wife is having a much harder time than he is, especially after returning home from the hospital. Her body has experienced fundamental physiological and hormonal changes. If this is their first child, then the wife cannot but feel serious concern. her huge nervous and physiological stress: In order to give a lot of mental strength to a child, she must receive increased care and attention from her husband, "- these golden words belong to our beloved Benjamin Spock.

The birth of a child in my family was definitely stressful, and even very strong, - says Dmitry. - And here it is very important not to withdraw into oneself, and to speak out all the problems that arise ... An abstract understanding that during this period it is very difficult for a woman is not enough. And maybe I’m wrong, but it’s the man who bears the very responsibility that everyone talks about like that ... Only, as a rule, they talk about “responsibility for the wife and child”, and here the responsibility for those very relations...

I must say, the men settled down well, - Konstantin argues. - A woman carries a child for nine months, then gives birth to him in pain, and then she herself wipes his snot, changes diapers, does not sleep at night ... I love and feel sorry for my wife. In everything I try to help her with the child, and not only in words, but also in deeds. If it were possible, I would sit at home with her and our six-month-old son. But the world is arranged in such a way that a man needs to go to work.

In addition to all other difficulties, one must also remember about the "postpartum depression" (or "baby blues syndrome"), which, like a bolt from the blue, falls on poor women after the birth of a child. It would seem that we should rejoice: here he was born, the long-awaited beloved baby! Healthy, cheerful: but no, a young mother is crying from something, sheds tears, gets upset. According to statistics, every tenth woman in labor is subject to deep postpartum depression, which can last up to a year. Most often these are women 25-45 years old.

Here you definitely need to be aware of the matter in order to safely survive a gloomy period. Doctors say that it's all about the unstable position of hormones, the restructuring of the body, and so on. But I know for myself that the very fact of the birth of the first child is the strongest shock for a woman. This has definitely never happened to you! Feelings, to say the least, impressive ... Hair stand on end from the experience. And I don't mean physical pain and fear, although it is also there, I'm talking about a psychological sensation. To show this world a new person, a real living person - that's the point! Here, not only, a temporary clouding of the mind can be acquired.

Your first helpers in the onset of postpartum depression are your husband and loved ones. They must clearly understand the nature of your anxiety, causeless crying and fears. In no case should you scold and reproach a poor woman for being overly worried, twitching at every occasion and crying. Treat the young mother with understanding, if you can’t calm down, then at least don’t escalate the situation yourself, keep silent once again ... Remember, this condition is completely normal, and it will pass soon.

At the same time, a young mother herself should not fall into universal sadness and grief. Try to control yourself as much as possible. If it is in your power, try not to take it out on your husband for a minor offense. Sometimes the fatigue accumulated during the day makes us uncontrollable, irritable, but this is not a reason to swear and quarrel with loved ones.

Expert opinion

We will entrust the summing up of today's conversation to a specialist Olga Vladimirovna Kuznetsova, a psychologist, a teacher at the Pedagogical Institute. A short blitz interview will unite everything that has been said today and will set you up for a cloudless future of family life.

Olga Vladimirovna, in your opinion, what is the reason for the family crisis after the birth of a child?

When a baby appears in the family, everything concentrates on him. Mom gives him her love, affection and care. And in this situation, dad can feel his uselessness. He may feel that he is forgotten and abandoned, he is given little love and care. And here the situation can develop in two ways.

The first way to develop relationships: a new "baby" will appear in the house. It is our dad who begins to "be capricious", or simply avoids the place where "he is now not loved." In this situation, the mother remains the strongest. The psychological situation in such a house is unfavorable. And for a baby, it is very important. Although he does not yet understand the words, he captures the intonation very well.

In general, in no case should a child be used for one's own purposes "to strengthen the family" or "to keep the husband." It is unacceptable to shift responsibility for your actions and mistakes onto a small, defenseless baby, to dump your problems on him. Only the spouses themselves are responsible for them, both of them.

The second way: a real adult self-sufficient man appears in the house, who looks at things sensibly, without illusions and is ready to be strong. He is helped by his love for the baby and for his mother, he understands that in this situation the baby needs more care than he does. Yes, and mom really needs his support and help. And in order not to be alone with himself or with his "abandonment", such a dad begins to HELP. And now, after a while, he feels that he is very needed, that he is very loved and expected.

In general, in life it is best to get rid of negative thoughts by starting to do something, and it is better to help those who need help. Inner satisfaction from the good done is the best medicine.

How to solve this problem?

There are no universal methods. Each family has its own problems and causes, each family is individual and unique. In difficult cases, it is necessary to understand each specific situation. In general, we can say the following: the birth of a child is a test for any relationship, and how a family passes this test depends on both the husband and the wife. If the relationship between husband and wife is built on love, mutual respect, trust, then such a test will only strengthen them. Loving spouses support each other without demanding anything in return.

Remember:

  • if there was a quarrel between you, put yourself in the place of your spouse. Sometimes this is enough to reconsider the conflict and find its solution;
  • do not swear with your husband in front of strangers, even if you are right. No strength to resist? Show your dissatisfaction silently with your eyes, so that only he sees. Women know how to do it;
  • try to speak according to the "I-message" pattern. That is, express your claims in this form: "I think that you are wrong!", and not categorically: "You are wrong!";
  • relatives and friends should not interfere in your relationship, impose themselves and indicate how to take care of the child, in the end, the responsibility for everything will fall on you;
  • don't add fuel to the fire. Try to bring the conflict to naught as soon as possible;
  • you too can be wrong, despite the fact that it is more difficult for you;
  • this is your husband, and you yourself chose him, which means that there is something good in him that you love him for. Try not to forget about the positive aspects of your married life.

Anna Kuznetsova

Discussion

What bothered with this Spock, that he is a great pediatrician ... the fool understands that there are others, they simply cited his theory as an example ... the person who read the article will not use it as a panacea ... this is one of the opinions and it has a right to exist. The essence of the article is to support young families and this is much more important !!! And the experts of Gipenreiter would take and write their article !!! Why be smart then ...

The article is good, but if everything was so simple. My husband does not want to be involved in family affairs. He believes that he earns money - and this is his entire contribution. The child is 1.5 years old. The hardest part is over. But nothing remained of our relationship with my husband. He doesn't want to help me. "Caring for a child is a woman's business," he says. I say help me, I have free time that I can devote to you. But he doesn't want to. Says let's get a babysitter. But that sounds like a threat. Because he would have hired a "nanny" for himself. (We had a dispute about how long I could hold out and not ask for a nanny). And I do not want a stranger in the house. My husband never loved me (but he didn’t cheat either, it seems to me), I got used to it and took it for granted. Now I feel sorry for myself. I live for myself and the child. I take care of my husband. But I would like to have a man in the house, and not a small child "playing all evening on a computer" who would share my worries and allow me to share it.

I wrote to sort out my life. And I'm not at all relieved that someone has the same problems.

11/21/2006 10:39:58 AM, GulChatay

You know, I read the reviews here and realized that everything here is about me. With only one difference: I don’t know why, but I had the strength not to give up, but to fight on.
After giving birth, everyone just abandoned me, to their shame, I slept 2 hours a day for two months. She did everything herself: washing, ironing, diapers, cooking, feeding, cleaning, walking, bathing, dressing, washing dishes, washing floors ... The list is endless! I really wanted to get divorced. The first insight was the words of my husband: "Stop pretending to be a mother-heroine!". I remember that I was terribly offended and did not talk to him for several days. And then I realized that no one needed my exploits. If I didn’t have the strength to wash the dishes, I didn’t, and the mountain remained in the sink until the morning - my husband had to wash it anyway. Couldn't hang clothes, couldn't hang them, couldn't wash - didn't wash. And the husband himself began to delve into economic affairs - you have to live. If there is nothing to wear - you need to wash, hang up clothes. I began to actively involve my husband in taking care of the child, even if something didn’t work out for him, I praised him, despite the fact that I wanted to hit him with something heavy and scream. He began to bathe the baby, walk with him, change diapers. To help around the house: at first a little bit, then more. I began to speak calmly with him, and not scream as before, she said in an even voice that it was hard for me to do this and that, please do it! The struggle was not easy and is still being fought from time to time, sometimes I wanted to give up and give up everything!
And now all our affairs are divided in half, and not into purely feminine and masculine.
And believe it or not, I practically defeated a very demanding child (waking up at least 6 times a night) and a husband who, after the birth of a baby, became, without exaggeration, just an egoist in the square!
The simplest problem is simply not to solve: get a divorce, pretend to be a victim of your family, a walking sense of duty, and so on. And you can take your will into a fist, and slowly (even a millimeter per hour), but surely move towards your goal - the creation of a real family, where everyone supports each other, loves and enjoys being next to each other, and not watching TV alone while the wife turns inside out.
And yet, no one says that with a child it is necessary to stay at home within four walls, and go out only to the neighboring park. I began to feel like a person after we started visiting with the child, going to cafes and shops. After all, now a lot of things are equipped for strollers, there are high chairs in cafes, wheelchair seats in shops, it is not forbidden to travel with a stroller in the subway. And about any infection: after all, we vaccinate children, feed them with breast milk (immune from the mother), you can not travel with children when there is a special crowd of people. Live and enjoy life, fight and you will succeed!
And in the end, I would like my review not to be perceived as boasting - like everything is super with me. This is far from true. Everyone has problems. But we must solve them and not give up. This is exactly what motherhood is given to women, because they are more attentive, patient and enduring than men (just don't be offended).

10/17/2006 10:36:54 PM, vilivina

I would really like the author of the second post to read my review. It just so happens that I'm in a similar situation. only not in Ukraine, but here in Moscow. everyone has the same problems, and there are two solutions either to build or to break. Dear dskorr. you love. yes, and probably the wife too. after all, this is how they hatched !!! this is most likely the accumulated fatigue for the entire previous time from the moment of conception. Not even tension, but relaxation. You (I mean your family) bore, gave birth, cared for and cared for. all this requires colossal efforts on your part, material, on the part of your wife - life, a child. I don't appreciate which is harder. all worked. Now the child has become a little more independent, you subconsciously feel that you already have the right and want attention to yourself. But it is impossible to reverse the situation and change your life in one day or night. You are ripe for change. this is a protest. In my opinion, we need to start working. Only you and your wife should come first, because we love the child. no matter how difficult your mater. position. get out and carve out time for two. through fatigue. hire a nanny, any person you trust, even a neighbor, will do for this role, nothing will happen to the child in 1-2 hours. build your rest and entertainment together. and let the wife go to work. it will become more interesting for her to live, the burden of household chores will no longer be so burdensome, and it will be easier for you financially. you will simply have something to talk about, except for what your baby did new. And also find a family psychologist. Be sure to talk with your wife, she should understand what exactly is wrong with you. start helping her in everyday life, to the best of your ability and do not forget about small signs of attention (dinner, flowers, etc.) you need to work on preserving the family if she is dear to you. do not be afraid to give your love. and no one promised easy ways after birth . and strong families are not just preserved. Love and be loved.
and wish me luck. I really want to return my husband's love and live and raise my daughter with her dad.

Well, don’t be so pessimistic. Go out on the weekend to the park where the children’s attractions are, watch the children of 3-4 years old, they are already independent individuals, it’s interesting with them !!! The first year is always difficult, a lot depends on the financial situation in the family and on the age of the parents, and of course, on the nature of the child. But everything will pass, the child will grow up and everything will be fine. Love and support each other, divorce is the easiest (

and what, apart from one pediatrician of the last century, no one else talked about these problems??? Somehow, in my opinion, this is not the most important person on this issue ... And "I-statement" or "message" does not imply the pronoun you at all. Nowhere. Not at the beginning of a sentence, not in the middle, not at the end. At least read Gippenreiter ...

You know, I want to give hope to desperate young parents. I know from my own experience that the 1st year is the most difficult. Then, believe me, it will be better. The child will be more independent, adults will be able to devote more time to each other, and the quality of relationships is also changing. Dad becomes interested in raising a child. Mom will be able to devote some time to herself. Good luck to all new parents!

Do you know what advice I want to give to married women who are about to have a baby? Divorce as soon as possible before childbirth, so as not to do it after. And unmarried people can only be envied: they will calmly raise a baby, and not twitch and sob at night because your husband is ABSOLUTELY indifferent to you, and the child, and your half-dead state. Well, of course, caring for one child is much easier than serving a husband as well. Or are you waiting for help from a man? Don't wait! The only one who can help a woman after childbirth is her mother, and if there is no such assistant, then you should rely only on yourself. Or try to save money and hire a housekeeper for at least the first months of a baby's life - unlike her husband, she will really make your life easier.

Before the birth of my child, I lived with my husband for 3 years, I considered him an ideal partner, and I would never have thought that I would write such harsh and bitter reviews. But, honestly, after all that I had to endure, I dream of the fate of a single mother for my daughter. Why didn't I get divorced? And there was nowhere to go! As, indeed, so far.

And one more thing: one entertaining story on the theme of "children and husbands." One of my friends, to whom her husband, after giving birth, treated the same "attentively" and "reverently" as to me, decided to endure everything and forgive everything. But when the child was already 7 years old, the husband once came home from work and reacted with irritation to some problem related to the child, which his wife shared with him. Like, figure it out yourself! Then the wife immediately remembered everything that happened during these 7 years, and launched a frying pan at her husband. Pig-iron. It's good that he managed to hide behind the door, otherwise my friend would be sitting now. And so she just lost the door (she was pierced by a frying pan) and her husband. But if this woman regrets anything, it is about losing the door.

All the best to you, undivorced mothers. Take heart!

10/14/2006 19:22:06, Abvgd

Once again, we quarreled with my wife ... I left her to spend the night at work. He drank beer (he is a non-drinker). Sitting. I'm crying, waiting for it to end. Where to look for help, how to deal with it. Found this article online. I felt better, even a desire to call my beloved, to talk heart to heart, in order to find a common mutual effort in the future and not bring relations to the "battle of Stalingrad." What can I say? If men read, I would like to reassure them in a purely manly way now, and support families who find themselves in a similar situation. Speaking about myself, the problem is complex, and for me it is on such a "scale" for the first time. I'm 20, my wife is older. The pregnancy was extremely difficult: three preservations, difficult childbirth, etc. particle). I love my wife very much, and with a "more-or-less" concept I reacted to the lack of sex during this period, and even more so with the difficult bearing of a child. A son was born. I am exhausted for days at work, plus study. The wife has been at home since the first month of pregnancy, and to this day. After giving birth, the situation began to cover the relationship and our family like an avalanche. I began to hide from the "invisible horror", began to linger at work until the very end, to call less often. I became out of control. I am very happy, I have been waiting for and extremely happy for the birth of my dear son. But psychologically, this avalanche, this mass of emotions, was impossible to overcome. For a period of almost 8 months, the number of "times in bed" can be counted on the fingers. But not only that, it is ABSOLUTELY not what it was some year ago (although, I confess, a couple of times the two of us carried it great) ... The problem is the same - passivity, not a desire to have sex with my wife. In my heart - I understand everything. The son gets up several (or even all eight!) times during the night - changing the diaper, chest. I'm on the bed next to me - I suffer, I don't get enough sleep. In the morning - the son is like a swallow. Seven in the morning (or even six!) - games, mobility activity. It’s difficult for my wife, just like I didn’t get enough sleep. I - to work, son - to leave for his wife. She has all about all the time half an hour to wash and morning toilet. Breakfast - and until the evening meeting. She (I feel sorry for her as a human being) with her son herself is the whole day. Walking outside didn't make up for being surrounded by four walls for the second year in a row. In the evening - I come exhausted, I get a bite to eat and rest for a maximum of an hour. Time-evening to bathe and put the child to bed (the process is also at least half an hour) to sleep. And so the "system" works for a week. It turns out that I don’t see my wife (herself), she is constantly with the child. It's great! And I want to be with the child, to be with my family. But we are not TOGETHER with my wife, we cannot devote enough time to each other, we cannot relax. I DON'T HAVE IT. The only thing - this is after they put the child to bed - in a half-whisper dialogues in the kitchen, both sitting as "half-dead". Not with an evil eye, today I look into the prospect of a child growing up - I don’t see anything comforting for the two of us so far. The child will grow. More attention will be needed (our charm is already starting to use its first movement and literacy skills). Accordingly, we will also get tired more. The wife is going to work when the child is one year old (I can understand her - the cry of the soul from four walls and a closed world, mirror everyday life, etc.). But that doesn't change the situation either. Today, the thought that my family is no exception has cleared my breath a little... But there is no certainty that I will return home and the world will be different...
My personal proposals are meeting me from work on the street in a stroller, a walk (although I come with the last of my strength, but, slowly, talk, walk, the desire to be here together is stronger than physical capabilities). The second is if I come late and the walk fails - bathing the child together, paternal care, so that the mother can rest. Although these half an hour do not save a maximum, in fact. It may be necessary to reconsider the approach and pastime on the weekends. Indeed, to send my beloved wife for shopping, to the cinema, to the pool somewhere, or to come up with something else ... Thus, I deprive me (of us) of spending time as a “duet” that is very necessary, but I am sure that after a short-term release of my wife from maternal worries, when she can definitely think about something of her own (unlike when we are together, she thinks how to return to the child as soon as possible and did not start crying with her grandmother while we are shopping), this will provide her with at least a couple of days ahead with "restraint", when he will not be so annoyed with me because of fatigue, he will control himself and somehow be able to unwind in general. In general, what to say? You can write a lot and for a long time, everything is not easy. Will, balance, restraint, a set of patience, courage, strength, love, a boost of energy are needed. It is natural to try to use all this "arsenal" skillfully, and it is precisely when "an opportunity arises" (and not, as always, "the time comes") to completely discharge it either with a bath with foam, massage, relaxation with candles, or just hiding together under a blanket to hug and understand the truth of strong family love, which in fact is still undoubtedly present under the "avalanche of problems and worries" ...

With the advent of a child, the whole habitual way of life changes. In this difficult period, it is so easy to forget why you decided to start a family in the first place! Very often, spouses begin to quarrel over trifles, stop paying attention to each other and lose the main thing that connected them - love.

But if you try, you can adapt to the changes and make the relationship even stronger and deeper than before. We publish valuable tips from the Babygogo website.

Before you were just a couple, and now you have become parents. It's a welcome change, but it also comes with a lot of challenges and unexpected surprises. Taking care of your newborn can negatively affect your health and peace of mind, disrupt your sleep and wake patterns, lower your energy levels and, most importantly, worsen your relationship with your spouse.

For most new parents, this means a complete lack of time to be alone. Sometimes it comes to the fact that they don’t even have the opportunity to calmly look into each other’s eyes and hug. Everything is done in a hurry or forgotten. Couples who have recently had a baby often ask themselves how to maintain a strong relationship when everything goes into meeting the needs of the baby.

There are several good ways to express your love and take care of each other. Use them more often! This will ease the hardships of parenthood and help maintain harmony in the family.

How was your day? What's interestnig?

For the past four years, I have been asking my husband every day, “How was your day? What's interestnig?" With no exceptions. It may seem too monotonous, but, fortunately, we never got bored. Apart from some really dull days, when there was nothing exciting to talk about.

Moms love to listen when their kids discuss the day's events and their school life. Thanks to this, the child feels that he is being taken care of. The same applies to new parents. When you spend time with your partner, exchange work updates, share your feelings and worries, or retell interesting conversations with friends, your bond grows stronger.

Share parenting responsibilities

Men tend to prefer to stay away. They think that a woman, since she is on maternity leave, has enough time to do all the housework and take care of the child. At the same time, they completely forget that every mother needs a break.

Ask your husband to help you. He is quite capable of babysitting, diaper changing and bottle feeding while you clean up or drink tea. By doing this, he will not only unload you, but also strengthen his connection with the child.



According to doctors, a calm mind is the key to a good restorative sleep. Do not hold grudges in yourself, share your feelings with your partner and let him respond. This will ease the tension.

Don't worry about the little things

If you put off washing dirty dishes for later - that's okay! If you meet up with friends you haven't seen in four months and leave your child with a relative, that's fine! If you missed a feeding time - that's okay! If the husband forgot to pick up clothes from the dry cleaners - that's fine! If your mother-in-law made an inappropriate comment - that's okay! Yes, it's all right! Life is short. Take things easy.


Family is not an ordeal. Of course, it requires some effort, but at the same time it gives so many joyful, wonderful moments! So don't stress over the little things. Do not meditate on every trifle. You are a wonderful mother, wife, daughter and possibly daughter-in-law. Stop blaming yourself for everything. If you let the little things bother you all the time, they will consume your life.

Cultivate Sincerity


Be frank, then your love will blossom and you will never lose the freshness of feelings. If something is terribly bothering you, open your heart. Don't keep it to yourself, otherwise an explosion will follow later.

Find time for each other

It doesn't matter how busy you are. Use every opportunity to be with each other and enjoy life, because you have only one! The baby will take almost all of your time and energy, this cannot be avoided. But there is no need to give up the general leisure that you are used to.


Get creative

Surprise! This is one of the most important tips! Do spontaneous and unexpected things, such as:

1) Look at your spouse in the office, if he is nearby.

2) Prepare a cake or dessert that you haven't made in 2 years - something that your husband has always loved and ate on both cheeks.

3) Update your wardrobe. Buy an eye-catching dress and wear it to the next party you go together. Try to look younger. Feel younger. Soon your husband will start showering you with compliments. You may even blush and find that your feelings are as fresh as 9 years ago.

If, after the birth of a child, relations with her husband deteriorated, this is not unusual. I would even say that this is normal, because when a child appears, especially the first one, the relationship between husband and wife changes. They themselves change, their roles change, and the relations between them inevitably change. The problem is that, as a rule, people enter the role of parents, being unprepared. The child is born, and his mom and dad did not even know what big changes await them.

In this article, I will tell you why your relationship has deteriorated and how to fix it, becoming happy parents not only for the child, but also for each other. Do not waste time, do not take it to extremes, after which it will be impossible to return the relationship. Read and act now.

The main reason for the breakdown of relations

When a woman gives birth to a child, her main role in the family changes. She used to be a wife, but now she is a mother. And almost all her attention, tenderness, love and care pass from her husband to her child. The man is not ready for this, he does not understand what is happening. And this is what happens: a woman’s maternal instinct turns on, a cardinal restructuring of the hormonal system, and indeed all systems, takes place in the body, the woman becomes more sensitive, vulnerable, and by all means, first of all, protects her child.

For a man, all this causes discomfort, he may begin to be offended, swear. His anger may be unconscious, he may conflict with his wife over some abstract things, sometimes over trifles. He probably does not understand and does not accept the situation as it is. All the attention and love of his wife evaporated somewhere in an instant, and now she is not at all up to him. He tries to return this attention unconsciously, with the help of scandals and protests.

And the wife, meanwhile, had just given birth. She experienced severe stress, which risks turning into postpartum depression. Plus, the child takes her a huge amount of time and effort, she does not get enough sleep and gets very tired. The cardinal upheaval that took place in her soul and body, and constant fatigue provoke anger. The result - scandals begin in the family, risking turning into parting. According to the website prosud24.ru, according to statistics in Russia, every second marriage breaks up after the birth of a child.

A child is a kind of test for a couple. And half of them fail this test. For many couples, at the time of the birth of a child, the relationship is not yet sufficiently reliable, safe and stable for such an important step. Before the birth of a child, any couple needs to build a solid foundation of relationships. But without knowing it and thinking that they are ready, the husband and wife have a child, and this often leads to sad consequences.

And why is it so important to make peace with your husband during this period?

3 simple reasons to reconcile

Reason #1: The happiness of the family is the happiness of the spouses

The happiness of the family in which your child grows up is built primarily on relationships with your husband. When communicating with a child, you form a model of the mother-child relationship. And communicating with your husband, you form a model families where your child lives. Thus, the happiness of your family is not based on how you raise a child, but on what kind of relationship you have with your husband.

Reason #2: Child's happiness

The child feels from the very first birthday how you and your husband interact with each other, and learns from your example to communicate with others. The future family of your child and, in general, his entire social life depends on the example of your communication in the family. If a child grows up in a happy family, sees how mom and dad interact with each other, he will be 99.9% happy in his personal life in the future. And about what will happen in the personal life of a child in the future, if in childhood there is no example of harmonious relationships before his eyes, read.

So, if you want your child to be happy, create a prosperous family and live in joy, you need to improve relations with your husband now, and this is a paramount task that is equally important for you and for the child.

Reason #3: Happy old age

Sooner or later, your child will fly away from the nest, and you will be left alone with your husband. Your future life depends on how you build relationships now. At the moment, you have moved into the role of a mother, but this does not mean that the role of a wife should be forgotten. Women who have been in the role of a mother all their lives literally end their lives when the child leaves the family. From this moment until the end of her life, a woman does not live, but simply lives out her life. If you do not want such a fate for yourself, do not forget for a day about the role of a wife.

How not to get divorced after having a baby

As a rule, men are poorly informed about what happens in a woman's body, in her psyche after the birth of a child. At this moment, she needs support, support and attention more than ever. The husband, seeing how she runs after the child all day, perceives this situation as a loss of his wife's attention. The main reason for divorce in such a situation is psychological immaturity.

People enter a new phase, have a baby, without building the right relationship with each other. Their relationship is not mature, they have not learned how to be partners for each other. Being partners in a relationship means understanding and supporting each other, feeling what is happening with the other person and knowing what you can do for him. It also means that the spouses are attentive to each other, they are interested in the emotional state of each other and do everything in their power to make the partner feel good.

If this does not happen, the woman's condition is at risk of turning into postpartum depression. You can read about what it is and how to deal with it.

If you weren't able to build partnerships before the baby was born, learn how to do it now. How to do this, as well as how to improve relations with your husband - read on.

The two main functions of the family

The institution of the family was created in order to fulfill two main functions. The first function is reproductive, that is, procreation. And the second function is for the child to receive a model of gender relations, so that he himself can build a happy family in the future and continue the family.

You have fulfilled the first function in your family. Now let's figure out how you can complete the second one so that your child can create another full-fledged unit of society in the future.

After the birth of a child, relations with her husband deteriorated - 2 ways to save a family

So, we come to the main thing. After the birth of a child, the relationship with your husband deteriorated? Read on for two guaranteed, proven ways to fix them:

Method #1: One hour support

After the birth of a baby, a woman more than ever needs support, help, support and attention. But a man often does not give her all this. The fact is that he, being at work, often does not see and does not suspect how much strength it takes and how exhausting it is to take care of a baby.

So, tell your husband about how hard it is for you right now. Talk about how you feel. The husband, not seeing the whole picture, cannot imagine what a job it is to be a mother, especially at the very beginning of a child's life. Tell him everything he doesn't know about.

Involve your husband in childcare. After a frank conversation, ask him to be in your role for at least an hour a day. At this time, you can afford to take a relaxing bath, go for a manicure, take time for yourself.

This method has two bonuses. The first - a man changes places with you and comes to the realization of how difficult it is for you. It becomes easier for him to understand you. And accordingly, he learns to support you. And the second - by devoting time to yourself, you are doing something based on, which means you are filled with energy, become happier, and you have something to give to your husband. Read on to learn how to start building the most harmonious and happy relationship. So, just one hour a day - and the husband now understands you better, and you are happy and filled with energy.

Sex after childbirth

In the first few months after the birth of a child, a woman moves away from her husband. This is due to her physiology. This is how nature intended: a woman needs to protect and feed her baby, and her whole body and psyche are completely focused on this. Her body is completely switched off from sexual life. After the birth of a child, time is needed to restore the body, and sex during this period will only prolong the recovery process. Therefore, estrangement from the husband during this period is a normal stage, a necessity for the successful completion of the postnatal period.

Ideally, this issue should be discussed with the husband in advance, because, as a rule, men, not knowing that after childbirth they need to endure a period without sex, cannot stand it and have a mistress or even get divorced.

When a child is already two months old, he begins to separate himself from others, to see and feel objects, to distinguish between mom and dad. During this period, parents can already at least one hour a day look not at him, but at each other, and gradually restore their sex life. Come back to each other gradually, and in time everything will work out.

When will relationships be the same as before?

After the birth of a child, the relationship in a couple takes on a different quality. A third appears between them. A man and a woman have acquired a new status, they are now not just a couple, they are parents. Relationships become different. New values ​​appear in them, such as respect, the ability to listen and appreciate each other, and the distribution of areas of responsibility. Relationships mature.

You are at a new stage in a relationship, and trying to bring them back to the first stage of falling in love is just stupid. You can find out at what stage of the relationship you are now.

Each period of family life has its pros and cons. At each new stage, relationships acquire new qualities, and trying to return the old ones is like trying to stop growing and developing.

Don't try to stop time. Everything in this life changes, and will never be the same as before. Instead of trying to bring back the past, improve your present.

Conclusion

In this article, two ways were presented to your attention to restore relations with your husband after the birth of a child. You also learned about the reasons why it is important to build relationships for you and for the child.

If, after the birth of a child, relations with her husband deteriorated, this is normal, there is nothing supernatural in this. You have changed, your relationship with your husband has changed, your statuses and roles have changed, and most importantly, another person has appeared in your family.

Don't try to get the relationship back on track. Line them up in a new way, make them better, better, closer, warmer. And about being in a relationship, oh, oh, oh, read in my other articles. Learn to build healthy, mature and long-term relationships.

And don't forget to get my book How to Love Yourself. In it, I share the most effective techniques with which I myself once raised my self-esteem, became confident and fell in love with myself. This book will become your personal assistant on the way to a happy relationship with your husband, will allow you to raise a confident child, and in general will make your life happier. Just take this step!

If you need individual help in getting your relationship with your husband even better than before, you can contact me for psychological support. I will help you bring happiness back to your family and make it strong and harmonious.

You can book a consultation with me via in contact with, instagram or . You can get acquainted with the cost of services and the scheme of work. You can read and leave reviews about me and my work.

Subscribe to my Instagram and YouTube channel. Improve and develop yourself with me!

P.S. Remember that all your child needs are happy parents. What makes you happy is your relationship with your husband. By adjusting them, you will give your child a happy childhood!

I believe that you will succeed!
Your psychologist Lara Litvinova