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How to build trusting relationships. Your partner allows you to use his phone. What are the true causes of doubt and mistrust

On what foundation to build a relationship with your man - it's up to you. A long and happy relationship goes through many stages. This is not an easy path, and what you put into your communication from the very beginning depends very much on how it will happen, and how and when it will end.

In modern life, it is very difficult for a woman to trust a man. Recognize his supremacy, strength and ability to be responsible for his life and his woman. This is why trust in your man is so important. Almost any woman can offer him love and care. Is everyone ready to entrust themselves and their future to him?

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Close relationships begin with trust in each other. Open up to your partner, show him the real you, let him know your weaknesses, your mental organization. This exciting process at the dawn of your relationship will lay the foundation for your future trust, help you become truly close people.

Why it's so hard to trust your man, and how to infuse relationships with each other regardless of your past experiences and current circumstances.

Signs of a trusting relationship

Confidence that the partner will not intentionally cause harm or pain. That he will not use your weaknesses to hurt or offend. That everything you share in private will remain only between you

The most important element on which trust is built between a man and a woman is confidence in each other's feelings. In their sincerity, reciprocity, in the finality of your choice. Once this level of trust is achieved, further strengthening and development of it is much easier.

What are we afraid of?

It would seem that nothing complicated - to trust the person whom we ourselves have chosen. Unfortunately, building a trusting relationship with a man is very, very difficult.

Past negative experience

Almost everyone has experience of betrayed trust. Experiences experienced in the past give rise to the fear of repeating the situation, the fear of being deceived again.

The betrayal of a previous partner, difficult relationships in the family, between parents, the sad experience of unsuccessful, unsuccessful relationships - this is the experience of past life situations that makes you less and less able to trust your man.

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Emotional pain experienced in the past gives rise to attitudes in you that prevent you from opening up to your man today. Disappointed, you begin to think that the pain in the relationship is inevitable, that the suffering must be repeated this time. That you can’t risk your peace of mind, and that it’s not so important for a man to open up, it’s more important not to give him the opportunity to offend you.

The level of trust in relationships needs to be increased

No matter how scary you may be, the level of trust in your man needs to be constantly increased. Because if you cannot trust a man, not because of his current attitude or behavior, but because of your past mistakes or feelings of inner insecurity, distrust of himself, he feels it.

And for his part, he will not feel you to the end as his woman until you trust him.

1. Accept for yourself the fact that only when you open yourself to your man and trust him, he can do the same. And only this will make you truly “his” woman, and him truly “your” man.

2. Start playing not against your man and not only for yourself, but in the same team.

3. Create an atmosphere in relationships that promotes trust.

That is, as little as possible sarcasm, cynicism, hostility in personal communication with a man. He should feel not your tension and fear, but your ability to understand and accept him.

A separate point, he should feel that you are absolutely sure that he is the best. Then, for his part, he will be ready to open up to you and be faithful to you and his feelings.

3. If there is jealousy in a relationship, it is necessary to minimize the influence of the factors that cause it. If you are jealous of his female friends or co-workers, he needs to reduce the amount of time he spends with them. If he is jealous of you, you need to refuse to communicate with others.

4. Start sharing your personal problems and emotional experiences with your man. This will sooner or later lead to the fact that he will begin to share his with you. Look for solutions together, support each other in difficult situations, share each other's successes and joys.

5. Relax about your secrets that a man knows about you. Yes, one day he can lay it all out to someone, but there is no catastrophe in this. Learn to deal with this fear and trust a man without looking back.

6. For your part, ask yourself how worthy of his trust you are. Can you be faithful to him, not only physically, but also mentally, keep your promises, be open with him and keep his secrets open to you?

7. You will have to learn to let go of your fears. Because it is fears that block trust in relationships, hinder its formation and development. It is fears - failures, before the uncertainty of the future, pain or intimacy - that are the main enemies of your trusting relationship, and it is on the fight against them that you need to focus first of all

8. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to your man and show him that.

Open up to your partner from all sides, even from those that he does not like. Because showing him who you really are is also a certain degree of trust. And he will definitely appreciate it.

Trust in a relationship is extremely important. It will help you get closer to each other, become happier together. Therefore, figure out why it is difficult for you to trust men. Try to get rid of the negative internal attitudes associated with your past experiences. And learn to open up and trust.

Despite the frightening complexity of the task, I assure you - it's worth it. Because only trust can take your relationship to high and serious levels. Only it will ultimately help you truly love each other.

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How to build trust in a relationship and how to learn to trust a man. Useful tips from a psychologist to help you deal with a rather difficult situation.

Trust is the basis for close relationships. In a sense, this gives a sense of stability between partners. Trust is based on a mutual understanding of what partners expect from each other.

Mature partners clearly know how to define thin boundaries that separate acceptable behavior in a relationship and some taboos that are prohibited. What does this mean? To clarify, if you are sure that your partner will not go beyond some certain limits, your level of trust in him and the feeling will increase. Defining such boundaries is extremely important, because without it we cannot fully trust our partner.

There are many relationship models. However, to build a relationship based on trust, you must follow these guidelines:

1. Be open about your expectations

When we are intoxicated with love, partners pay attention only to mutual similarities and "turn a blind eye" to the many shortcomings of a partner that can lead to conflict. For example, what do you define for yourself under the concept of treason? We can't usually read other people's minds. And we cannot know what betrayal means for each person, what line he draws between temporary infatuation and betrayal in a relationship. Which actions of a partner can be considered cheating, and which are not. You must discuss in advance what types of behavior are acceptable to you and what is not.

Why women don't trust men

2. Don't be afraid to speak up about your suspicions.

It is not healthy or helpful when people keep quiet about their fears and suspicions of a partner, trying to maintain the appearance of a relationship for the sake of love. When you don't talk about your problems, incomprehensible situations that arise most often lead to strife. If you have any suggestions or concerns about your partner, it's best to let them know. Try to solve the problem together. To be honest about any problems, it is quite possible that soon you will be able to solve your problems together. Only by discussing the problem together can you overcome unfounded fears.

3. Be open to each other

Opening up completely to others is not easy, which tends to create a fear of insecurity. Some people, especially those who have been “hurt” before, are afraid to talk about their fears and show their partner weaknesses. Many cannot confess their feelings, as they are in fear of being again. This behavior creates certain difficulties for building trusting relationships. Trust will only come when we share our fears and weaknesses with a partner. In return for our openness, we will receive understanding and support, and with it, love.

4. Everyone has the right to privacy

Trust is not required to share completely the partner's former private life. You have the right not to talk about all the details of your previous relationship, you have the right to privacy and intimacy. A tactless question about the details of the past can serve as distrust and lead to misunderstandings between partners. Partners who trust each other do not have the right to interfere in a past life and seek out intimate details, which is important in a new relationship.

Stephen Covey, a well-known psychoanalyst, identifies 13 factors of your behavior with a partner to build a trusting and intimate relationship. Here they are.

1. Tell the truth Being honest and sincere in your dealings with other people will never create a false impression of you.
2. Show respect Caring for others and showing you care builds trust in relationships.

3. Be sincere- tell the truth and be honest, do not hide any information or your intentions.

4. Don't hide mistakes- for example, if you broke something, it is better to repent and apologize, do not try to hide the damage that you accidentally caused.

5. Be faithful- Appreciate the loyalty of your partner and pay him the same.

6. Show off your skills- if you know how to do something, do not neglect duties, but do not promise more than you can do.

7. Improve your competence- with interesting plans for the future are always interesting to others. Make joint plans - increase your partner's trust and sense of security.

8. Fight the odds- try to solve any problems that arise together.
9. Discuss future plans– discuss your expectations and plans for the future, tell your partner about your ideas. Thus, you will always have support and mutual understanding.
10. Be responsible– Be accountable and hold others accountable.
11. Learn to listen to your partner- listen before making an assessment; try to understand the other person.
12. Keep your commitments We keep our promises. You must not break these promises.
13. Trust in a partner- trust people who deserve it. Do not look for fictitious compromising evidence on your partner. After all, distrust in the first place can destroy even the most true love.

Paying attention to these simple tips from famous psychologists, you will eventually learn the art of trusting a man.

Many women who have been betrayed or cheated on cannot begin to trust their partner. Today I will tell you how to stop being tormented by jealousy and distrust of your man. I will give a couple of tips on how to learn to trust a man and stop humiliating him with your suspicions. You will learn a lot of useful information for yourself, which will help to throw off this ballast of mistrust.

Let's look at what trust is and how to learn it.

What is trust

Trust - this means completely relying on a person in everything related to living together. This suggests that a woman relies on a man, namely that he:

  • will not go to another;
  • will not leave her with the children, because he is simply tired of them;
  • Will not betray;
  • will make important decisions in life;
  • will not leave one woman alone with her problems.

This is the most basic thing that a woman expects from a man. But this does not mean that your loved one should be a prince on a white horse, blow off dust particles from you and revere you. If you analyze trust in this way, then you are deeply mistaken. A man does not have to live up to your expectations. If a loved one did not live up to expectations, then you need to look for a new love. But it is not a fact that the new man will be much better than the previous one.

Trusting your half means knowing that he loves you and only you need him. Listen to what he wants to convey to you about how he has changed. Understand that he no longer wants to live the life in which he almost lost you.

Correct behavior in situations that lead to distrust

There are many life situations in which a woman loses confidence. From this, many relationships come to a rupture.

Treason

Are you tormented by suspicions and do not know for sure if your loved one has another woman or not?

Check out this video from relationship expert Nadezhda Mayer. She will talk about several signs that allow you to check whether a man is cheating or not.

If the situation was confirmed and, in your opinion, you were betrayed, then it will be difficult to believe the man again.

So, the first situation is the betrayal of a man. You see, betrayal does not always have to be a reason for a break. It can be a fleeting connection or a one-time connection that did not even catch a man's heart or soul. And it could have happened simply because of the large amount of alcohol consumed. Release the situation!

Difficult, but possible. Don't get hung up on the problem!

In most cases, the partner changes after this for the better. If his lady of the heart begins to trust him, he will simply wear her in his arms. Therefore, it is better to take care of yourself, look at yourself from the side: put your figure, hair in order, change your style.

Perhaps, if your loved one has entered into a relationship with a colleague, she just looks good, and does not walk around in a stretched jacket and dirty hair, besides, she constantly yells.


But the situation is more complicated if you find out that your man has a relationship on the side and is quite long. Everything is much worse here.

Even if he is on his knees and crosses himself, which is no longer a foot there, I think that it will still be difficult for you to start trusting him. You will always, at the slightest delay or delay at work, suspect that he is with her. Here is the advice, if you decide once and for all that that story is forgotten and closed, never again, even with your thoughts, do not return to it. Of course, it is easy to say, but it is difficult to give an order to your thoughts.

I'll give you some unusual advice. Register on several forums where everyone talks about their problems, but only use a fake nickname. And tell your story to women just like you. The more often you talk about it, the less thoughts of betrayal will spin in your head. Believe me, after the seventh time, you will get bored. And the problem will slowly go away on its own.


If it doesn't help, then leave him. Don't get on your nerves or him. Distrust will simply devour you, and big health problems may begin.

Husband with bad habits

The second situation is the bad attitude of a man to his woman, that is, to you. He can afford:

  • apply force,
  • constantly insult and rot,
  • no respect for your woman
  • drink and use drugs,
  • lead an immoral life.

That's it in this case, you need to run and run again. Few people in this category can change. Unless the alcoholic is coded, and the drug addict will undergo treatment.


Such relationships are exhausting. There is no question of trust here. After living with such a man, you will be afraid to trust other men.

You know, not always one sad experience proves that all men are bastards ...

Therefore, take a closer look at that man who has been asking for your phone for a long time and who enjoys your company. Perhaps he will be a more reliable partner and companion in life. And will never break your trust. Trust this time, but just be on the lookout.

Liar

The third common situation is when a spouse or loved one simply lies to you in everything: where he went, with whom he was, how much he earns. In general, on any trifle does not say anything.


Here is the advice. You can not trust everyone in a row, life with such a person will simply lead to a mental disorder. Throw it or take everything at face value - it's up to you. You can walk around with rose-colored glasses, or you can take them off and at one moment drive the precious birch broom.

Men's attitude towards distrust

Understand that with your distrust you bring a man to the point that he simply does not want to prove anything to you. You need to believe in him and rely on him in everything.


There are, of course, such men who simply do not want to make any decisions. They are just like that by nature. They know that a woman will decide everything for them herself. We all come from childhood, which means that his mother once did not believe in him.

A man needs to be believed in. This applies to material well-being, and fidelity!

No need to sit and constantly look for a catch in his words. If he wants to cheat on you, no checks will bring results. As for whether a man can be trusted with any business, then, showing your distrust, you say that he cannot do anything on his own.

Question answer

Advise what to do. The fact is that my husband cheated on me once. He knelt down and begged for forgiveness. I forgave, the relationship became just fantastic, my husband literally carries me in his arms. But there is one but. When I imagine how he was with her, I just withdraw into myself, start checking my phone and social networks. How can I forget everything?

You yourself write that the relationship has become just excellent, the husband wears it in his arms. What else do you need. Focus on your relationship. If he does everything to start over, then you are dear to him, and what he had was just a small affair. When you are visited by thoughts of his betrayal, immediately tell yourself that my husband is the best and he does not need anyone but me. Over time, negative thoughts will go away completely, and only your love and trust will remain.

I was very badly burned in my first marriage, my husband constantly cheated on me and raised his hand to me. Now a colleague is looking after me, like a good guy, but I can’t overcome my fear of a new relationship. How can I start trusting him?

Here, of course, it all depends on you, and also on how exactly he treats you. If you see that this is a radically different person, then you should not worry, but you need to take and trust. But if suddenly you notice that he has character traits like your ex, then you should not relive everything over again. Go to a specialist and figure out why you constantly attract the wrong men. And how to attract the ones you need.

I began to notice that my husband deletes all phone calls from unknown numbers. After being interrogated with passion, he said that it was a colleague. I want to say that he has a job where men and women work in the same conditions. My husband really loves me, cherishes and cherishes me, and deletes calls so that I don’t invent anything for myself, he just knows my character. Should I trust him?

You see, with your constant distrust and control over him, you bring him to the point that he begins to hide everything that somehow can cause you to have an attack of jealousy. Your constant distrust will sooner or later lead to the fact that he really wants to confirm your suspicions. If everything is good in your life, then there is no point in looking for flaws in it. If the relationship went beyond phone calls, you'd already be starting to feel it.

I can’t leave my husband with a little daughter, it always seems to me that he might overlook her and something will happen to her. What do i do?

First, look at how he treats her when you are around. If it seems to you that he does not hold her like that or plays with her incorrectly, then this may be due to the fact that he feels distrust and constant supervision. Maybe when you stop giving him comments regarding the fact that he is doing something wrong, the man will relax and everything will work out for him. Therefore, to begin with, leave them alone with each other, at least for a short time: let's lie down in the bath. I do not think that when you come into the room, you will see a terrible scene. After all, it is precisely with your distrust that you make an armless creature out of him.

What to remember:

Let's summarize some of the things that you need to remember from all that has been said:

  1. Learn to throw out of your head scenes of non-existent betrayals. How to do this, I told in the article.
  2. Listen and understand your man when he starts freaking out about your distrust.
  3. Trust that not all men are the same.
  4. Entrust him with the conduct of all matters relating to your life.

Another point that I would like to draw attention to: the expression “Trust, but verify” should not be constantly taken as a motto. It is these checks of yours that lead to a break in relations. Your distrust kills love and respect for you in a man. You know, my practice shows: where a woman tries to control every step of a man so that he does not cheat on her and does not betray her, relationships mostly have a sad ending.

Part of trust is just trust in what your partner says, but it can also be a sign that you've built a stable, loving relationship. Learn these details that make a trusting relationship stand out.

Your loved one shares his emotions

The partner is able to admit that he did wrong

The ability to admit your small mistakes shows that a person is ready to be honest and trusts you at the moment when he is vulnerable. If you cannot take responsibility for your small mistakes, you cannot take responsibility for your big failures. When we hide something and start to defend ourselves, this indicates that we are afraid to let a person closer. On the other hand, an apology demonstrates a desire to build trust. Even if a mistake upsets you, try not to pay attention to it, but to the fact that your partner made a conscious effort and openly admitted his guilt.

Your loved one tells you about their day

A partner who has nothing to hide from you constantly tells you coherent stories in which there are no serious dashes. You can be sure that your relationship is in order if you want to talk to each other about everything, share the little things and not be afraid of anything. If the behavior of the chosen one seems secretive to you, take a closer look at other details. Maybe there was some problem.

Your partner tries to touch you

Sex is not the only way to show intimacy in a relationship. If you hold hands and kiss in the morning, this indicates a deep connection between you. The way a couple interacts with each other physically says a lot about how a man and woman trust each other on a deeper level. When a partner comes up and hugs you while you cook, that's intimacy. The point is not only in sexual attraction, but in all these everyday little things.

Do you have a joint bank account?

Now many people are convinced that even after the wedding, you should have a separate bank account in order to have funds in case of a divorce. A sign of trust is the willingness of a partner to take risks and be open in financial matters. The habit of hiding money from a partner shows that you expect the worst from your chosen one. Even if you have separate bank accounts, being open about your finances shows that you depend on each other and trust each other enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable. This is very important for a relationship that can be called stable.

Your chosen one is trying for you

Accept commitment from your partner if you're feeling anxious. For example, if you are insecure because of an attractive business partner, but they offer to introduce you to him, this indicates that your chosen one considers your relationship a priority. It is important to remember that the partner should always be the main interest. If both of you are able to try to make the other comfortable, your relationship is guaranteed to be happier and you will have no reason to succumb to doubts and fears.

Your loved one is distracted to chat with you

When your partner turns around to look at you while you're talking, or resists the temptation to go and drink water while you're talking, it's a sign that he's really interested in what you're saying. When you communicate face to face, it is a strong indicator of trust. If the body language speaks of closeness, for example, your chosen one crosses his arms over his chest, this is a sign of the opposite situation - this is a signal of lack of interest. Sometimes a closed position is simply convenient for a person, in which case you need to watch your behavior and try to act openly to show that you are listening. This will help your interlocutor feel more relaxed around you.

Your chosen one allows you to speak out

Being able to listen while you share your feelings after a bad day shows that your partner respects your feelings. It is not uncommon for people to try to offer suggestions or ideas on how to help that person. This does not help, because the interlocutor just needed to speak out. If you are listening, don't be afraid of your silence. When your interlocutor has said everything he wanted, you can ask if there is anything you can do to help. This is much better than interrupting with advice. Try to always use this communication tactic.

Questions in a conversation don't seem like an interrogation

It is not uncommon for people to feel suspicious about their partner because they assume that they might not have done the best thing themselves, and that is where the accusations come from. If your partner trusts you, he will not be skeptical of you. In a relationship, you need to show support, trust and calmness, and not arrange interrogation of each other. If you calmly accept what your partner tells you, or ask about what interests you, rather than interrogating what was and what was not, there is trust in your relationship. If every conversation causes tension, you should think about such an alarming sign.

Your partner allows you to use his phone

You should not look at messages on the chosen one’s phone when he is not around, however, if he calmly hands you the phone, you can understand that he has nothing to hide from you. You should not constantly check and control - this is a signal that there are problems in the relationship. Still, a relaxed attitude towards phones is a good sign. If the partner is wary of the gadget, perhaps this is a sign of infidelity.

Are you comfortable talking to each other?

An experienced liar knows that the inability to make eye contact is questionable, so he will calmly look you straight in the face. If a person is telling the truth, he will not behave so intensely. In a comfortable environment, people behave in a normal way and tell everything directly.

Do you share with your partner the most intimate - good and bad?

Answer options:

  • Yes, we have no secrets from each other
  • For the most part yes, but some things are better left unsaid.
  • More likely no than yes. Anything can happen and I don't want anyone else to know everything about me.

If your partner gives you a gift not for a reason, but just because, what do you usually think?

Answer options:

  • suspicious generosity. Maybe I should start worrying?
  • Well, it looks like he / she has someone
  • Wow, great!

If your partner is late at work or at a party, what do you do?

Answer options:

  • Quietly minding my own business until he/she gets home
  • I will call / write SMS to him / her until I get through and get a clear answer. And until he / she returns, I will worry and be nervous
  • I’ll write an SMS with the question: “Are you coming soon?”, But I’ll try not to bother

Do you check your partner's phone and/or computer for cheating?

Answer options:

  • Only once or twice when we fought hard
  • Certainly! Forewarned is forearmed
  • No. Everyone should have untouchable personal territory

Has your partner ever betrayed your trust?

Answer options:

  • Never!
  • Yes, and repeatedly
  • One day and it hurt a lot

Have you betrayed your partner's trust?

Answer options:

  • It happened. And I really regret it
  • Well, it's not cheating, just little human weaknesses.
  • No. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship

Can you call yourself a jealous person?

Answer options:

  • Only if there is a serious reason for this
  • No. Jealousy is meaningless
  • Definitely yes

Let's say someone from a common circle of acquaintances told you that your partner seems to be cheating on you. Your actions?

Answer options:

  • I will directly ask my partner if this is so and look at his / her reaction
  • I won’t say anything, but I’ll check the phone, mail and bag
  • I don't pay attention to stupid gossip

Let's say you have a certain amount of money accumulated before starting a relationship. And your partner offers to invest this money in his new business. Your actions?

Answer options:

  • Of course I will help my partner. We are a team!
  • I will behave like an investor: I will ask for a business plan, consult with experts and, if I consider the offer profitable, I will invest in a business
  • I will refuse. Relationships are relationships and money is money

How do you feel about the marriage contract?

Answer options:

  • Positively. Love can end, but you don’t want to stay on the beans
  • Negative. Love cannot be crammed into a contract
  • I can not decide. I believe in sincere love, but love and relationships are not always the same