Thoughts of men about women comic. Men's jokes about women. About a female smile
A woman is allowed to interrupt only compliments ...
It is clear why a man and a woman can not understand each other - after all, they want completely different. A man wants a woman, and a woman is a man.
The path to the heart of a man lies: for beautiful women through the stomach, for ugly - through the liver.
With a bare woman it is difficult to argue.
Adult son and young wife - what else do you need a man to adequately meet old age?!
A woman is different from a man in that he thinks out of their steps, and their gait.
The worst word that men are afraid to hear from a woman - this is the word "more!"
Each woman is a blacksmith of his happiness, and her man is a hammer.
Smarta is a woman, in whose society you can behave anything stupid.
Men are on their knees in front of a woman only to look at her skirt.
A woman wants everything - from one, a man - one of all.
A woman rarely forgives jealousy and never forgives her absence.
The more often the woman moans at night, the less time she grieves the day.
The more beautiful woman, the faster the time and money fly.
A man is like a bath sheet: at first he sticks to a woman, and then washed off.
A truly beautiful dress is a dress in which a beautiful woman looks better than without him.
When a man is bad - he is looking for a woman. When a man is good - he is looking for another one.
A man wants him to be the first to her, and a woman is to be the last one.
In order not to bother a man, the woman changes the dresses, and in order not to bother a woman, a man changes women.
The problems for men begin not when the woman begins to undress for his money, and then - when it starts dressing on them.
When a woman says that she has nothing to wear, "it means that everything has ended. When a man says that he has nothing to wear, "it means that everything is fine.
From the point of view of women, men have two main disadvantages: the fact that they are thinking about sex all the time, and the fact that their thoughts disagree with the case.
If the men knew that women think, they would be twenty times cheerful.
The girl wants to first walk around the restaurants to understand whether to go to the guy to bed. And the guy wants to quickly put a girl in bed to understand - is it worth led to restaurants?
Girls lack femininity, and women - virginity.
If the girl knows the price, it means that she called it more than once.
Girls can all, only some shy.
Leave a girl going into the army, it's like to leave a bottle of vodka on the street and return it in two years.
Prince you can wait all life, and a man is needed every day!
Beautiful woman - a paradise for the eyes, hell for mind and purgatory for pockets.
Women should be worn on their hands - they will sit on the neck themselves.
No one will condemn the woman like two together - the third ...
Musa comes to poets, and to the poets - music ...
Attractive women distract.
The moral appearance of some men is based only on the fact that they have no money.
Ten men fold into the stack at the feet of the woman, and she chooses the eleventh, who stands and looks in the other side.
Women call goats only those men whom they could not make rams.
A woman is not born - she becomes.
If a woman has nothing to say - this does not mean that she will be silent.
Each woman has a raisin. But you won't be called one highlight.
Before you find my princess, I will overestone a lot of Zabs.
A man is never so weak, like at that moment when a pretty girl begins to tell him how he is strong.
A woman who thinks that the path to the heart of a man lies through his stomach, marks too high.
It's hard to throw a woman when you feel that she should.
If you found a woman of your dreams - you can already say goodbye to other dreams.
It is less likely to meet a woman stretching you with hand palm down.
Nowadays, if a man opens the door to a woman, he is most likely a doorman.
In 20 years, a man Playboy, at 40 - Playman, in 60 - Play-Off, in 80 - Game Over.
A real man will always achieve what a woman wants.
The final solution of the woman is rarely the last.
A real man is a man who exactly remembers the birthday of a woman and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers the birthday of a woman, but knows exactly how old she is her husband.
Women's motto:
Men - Linoleum. If his first time is good to lay, then you can walk for 20 years.
How many man is neither feed, he still looks at other women.
If the wife is sawing her husband, then wants to make a beautiful half of it.
A man can be happy with any woman. As long as it does not love it.
The woman knows the four actions of arithmetic: she divides the bed, multiplies the race, he adds beauty and delivers age.
When a husband comes home early, he thinks: "What would you read?", And when it's late: "To compose?"
If a woman is given to a man for money - it became "not a gift."
If a man opens the door to the car to his wife, then this is or a new car, or a new wife.
A woman can forgive a man, even if he is not to blame for her.
A man without a woman is like a bike without a trailer.
Woman behind the wheel - like a star in the sky: you see her, and she is not.
If a man says: "This is a stupid children's game," it means that this is a game in which he loses his wife.
Women, unconditionally know how to keep secrets ... but together.
Automation is the efforts of men to simplify the work so that women can make it.
Changing, a woman is looking for the best, and a man is new.
A woman is like a fortress: one can be seized after the first assault, the other - after a long siege, and the third - after negotiations.
The number of women who were in a man is a non-permanent amount: it decreases in conversations with a woman and increases in his conversations with a man.
From a beautiful woman you will be drunk, and with ugly I want to get drunk.
If the wife does not follow himself, she will have to follow her husband.
How a woman wants love! At first she inspires himself that he loves, then inspires himself that she was loved, and then inspires all this his beloved.
The food of the bachelor is more diverse food of married, because the married eats what is preparing one woman, and a bachelor is what is preparing different.
A woman loves when used to, and the man loves, while not used to it.
Donjun is chasing the amount because it cannot be sought up for quality.
Relations between a man and a woman very quickly cool if the prospects are no longer traced.
The best wife is the one who dream of all life.
It's not scary if the wife cooks poorly - scary if it makes everyone eat.
A woman is easier to fall in love, than confessing in love. And the man is easier to admit to fall in love.
A man is like a tangle: when a woman launches him out of her hands, he blooms, and when he takes him in his hands, he is wounded.
It's not so bad when my husband from his wife needs only one thing, "bad when he does not need from her.
A woman gets married to bind to her man, and a man marries the woman to take him away from him.
The wardrobe does not hide only the lover who himself like a wardrobe.
Not trouble, if your husband thinks only about himself, - trouble, if he thinks about another.
As it is not enough - you can make one alone!
A man is changing women when he wants to experience a lot, and the woman changes men when nothing is experiencing.
If a woman does not follow himself, a man watches another woman.
The man is easier to refuse a twenty-year-old connection than from a twenty-year connection.
At first, the man does not know how to speak with a woman, and then he does not know how to silence her.
It was always difficult for me to bring home a woman - first because of my parents, then because of my wife.
And how the wife turns the tongue to blame her husband, that he came to the horns.
A woman is looking for a loved one to forty, and after forty - anyone.
Fata - white flag of a man.
A woman thinks with whom to go to visit, a man - with whom from there leave.
The bride is a girl with big hopes on unlikely happiness.
When a man and woman turn out to be together, she thinks: "Finally, we are together!", And he - "Finally, we are alone!"
What a woman in the soul is often a man not affordable.
The more the woman is spinning around the mirror, the more men spinning around the woman.
A man can love, but change, and a woman may not change, but also not to love.
Every husband wants his wife to sit at home, but he did not sit back.
A woman quickly surrender to someone who does not love and for a long time resists the one who loved, because she wants to seem good to seem with her beloved, but with unloved not ashamed to seem bad.
A man loves a woman if he says that she looks like his mother and sobbed, if he says that she looks like her.
In another woman, you usually like what you do not notice in your wife.
The most durable marriage - when the husband is the first man of women, and the wife is the last woman's husband.
A woman is like a door with a spring: you are her to yourself - she is from you, you're her from yourself - she is for you.
If, seeing a man, a woman lowers his eyes, then she liked him. And if, seeing a woman, a man lowers his eyes, then he likes her legs.
Love is a current: for a woman - permanent. And for a man - variable.
The wife always has one child more than her husband.
The choice between my wife and the mistress is difficult, but in any case is pleasant.
The woman is offended by a man in two cases: when he needs only one of her and when he does not need anything from her.
For polygamy you get three years of imprisonment, and for the dignity - life.
A rich man can have many women, and a poor woman is forced to have a lot of men.
Love is like a game of spots: At first, a man runs for a woman, and then she runs behind him.
If a man stopped led to a woman in museums, theaters and restaurants, it means that he married her.
A man leaves a woman when notes her flaws, and a woman notices the shortcomings of a man when he leaves her.
A man wants to reduce love to the size of pleasure, and a woman wants to increase love to the size of happiness.
Some women are stronger that shy to men to refuse.
Let women bloom - if only men did not bloom ...
The girl as a bullet with a biased center of gravity: enters the eye, passes through the heart, hits the pocket and leaves her sideways.
The wider wife of the waist, the longest thing her husband has a working day.
Women will never know the truth! At first they have a maiden memory, then women's secrets, then senile insanity.
Girls, like parking spaces: a little climbed, and the best are all busy.
When only one wife in the family, she grows by egoist.
Woman disarms, capitula.
Happiness is not in those women with whom you want to sleep, but in those who you want to wake up.
If a man declares you that there are no ugly women, there are little vodka, boldly answer him: There are no ugly men, there is little money!
Old age for a woman comes when she begins to treat shorts as clothes.
The main problem in the search for a real man - next to him there is a real woman.
It is known that a man is different from the boy worth the toys. And a woman from the girl? The quality of these: Girls love soft toys, and women are solid.
Men want sex, women - love. And all are engaged in the same.
The girl was thin and fragile, so it broke short ...
With beautiful men, women admire, smartly respect, good use, and get married only for strong.
Women are angels. But when they break the wings, they begin to fly on the broom.
An idle man like a single cartridge is a lot of crash, and the goal is not striking.
Everyone can dine with a girl. But the breakfast must be deserved!
Guys - they are like a resin: first sticky, then harden, and fall off.
A real man will never refuse a lady in the means ... from unwanted pregnancy.
If you can't convince the woman that she is the only one, do not try to console the fact that she is the best.
When a woman talks about a reliable male shoulder, then as a rule, he also means the neck.
Still, the Femid was a true woman: who else would think of weighing with the blindfolded eyes and at the same time prevent any doubts!
Men who belong to women with the greatest revelation rarely enjoy their greatest success.
Husbands are usually good in bed when they change their wives.
If a man never lies a woman, then he does not care about her feelings.
All wives want their husbands to be rich and famous, but they only were engaged in them.
Not all women are late for a date. Some do not come at all ...
Women as ice cream. First, it is cold, then talked, and then stick it!
To impress the surrounding, the children seek to look older, men are smarter, women are younger and more stupid.
Women pay attention not to beautiful men, but on men with beautiful women.
The admiration for a woman does not lead to success. And the success of a man leads a woman in admiration.
Men who respond bad about women, usually mean only one.
Woman's dream is to be a dream woman.
There is not a single man in the world who is able to be content for a long time only to a woman's soul.
When you meet a man, a man is mentally undressing a woman, she also though as he dressed.
Women devour the eyes of those men who, as a rule, no teeth.
All women live on one motto: "love can not be used", but where to put a comma, each chooses ...
If a man is erases socks, then they have a latter.
If a woman is angry, then it is not only integrity, but also understands it.
Women's wardrobe is when nothing to wear, but there is no place to wear.
If you notice that the favor of your girl directly depends on how much money you spent on it, it means that your girl is a user. If you don't notice anything like that, it means that it is an advanced user.
If you want to know what a woman really thinks, look at it, but do not listen.
A woman who appreciates itself too low, knocks down the price of all women.
Each woman considers itself indispensable and believes that it could easily replace any other.
Jokes and jokes for women and about women
IN Two girlfriends stand:
- My boyfriend is such an egoist!
- And what happened?
- Yes, he bought a condom at the pharmacy, with uglies, bursts, rifrance,
Lubrication ...
- So it's great!
- So he put it inside out!
13 cases that a woman should do in his life
1. Lose phone, wallet, car keys, plane tickets.
2. Lose control over yourself for some 5-10 minutes.
3. Gone to a minute weakness.
4. Make the biggest mistake in life.
5. Angrily take money, saying: "You're a scoundrel! Who are you taking me for?! "
6. Remember that single button on the camera to be pressed when shooting.
7. Lose weight by 3 kg.
8. Carefully examine your husband's mobile phone and calculate, who is Oleg Nikolaevich.
9. Wait that at least someone at least once in this house washed the dishes without tip!
10. Watch your passport.
11. At least once a good break from everything from it.
12. Sew in the hospital.
13. Open your eyes a friend.
AND We are watching men who had experienced sympathy before, and involuntarily start to doubt their adequacy ...
M. Oral girl at the reception at the gynecologist. Doctor, having finished inspection:
- Congratulations, you are pregnant!
- Can not be it! I have never slept with any man!
- Well, maybe you think about it thoroughly and remember!
- Yes, there is no, I tell you! Although, you know, I had one familiar pilot. But he just showed me how to refuel aircraft in the air!
3
"Summer boy scared grandmother for a whole day that he walked behind her:
Pray and see ...
It was that he requested to include his favorite cartoon - Kid and Carlson
FROM Run husband with his wife. Wife:
- There were only two real men in my life!
Husband, curiously:
And who? !!
-... yes you and the first one is not familiar ...
C. It is necessary to impress the woman:
- Speak her compliments
- Respect it
- Like it
- hug it
- Protect it
- Wash money on it
- Pour it wine and feed in restaurants
- buy her what she wants
- Listen to Her
- Stay with her
- Support it
- Go for her to the edge of light
How to impress the man:
- Undress and prepare to devour.
In a pharmacy
Guy: Are there any viagra for women?
Pharmacist: on the contrary, through the road jewelry ...
J. Yanskaya logic:
Just be friends - with a good guy.
Fuck - with a finished scumbag.
And then resent that now all the men are goats.
W. By knew that her former husband was going to marry a young neighbor, she dismissed him with a purely female cunning: he married a neighbor's father and became the mother-in-law.
- T. Scattered, inadequate, egoist and bastard!
- These are my best qualities!
M. AT teaches his 17-year-old daughter, how to avoid rape:
- Imagine that you go on the street at night, and you follow a suspicious man. Your actions?
"I quickly turn to him, I'll get his skirt with him and rent my skirt."
- Yes, what are you squeezed?
- And what do you think, who runs faster, is he with navalized pants or me with a raised skirt?
P Own says another:
"Such a horror, yesterday I went to fishing for the first time and we were terribly quarreled.
- And what happened?
- Well, at first I spent loudly and scattered all the fish, then I did not hit this bait, then the wrong hurt. And everything ended in generally badly: I caught fish more than he.
P The man rises in the bookstore and asks the saleswoman:
- I need a book "Man - Lord of Women."
Saleswoman (calmly):
- Fiction Division around the corner.
C. Would it be, whether Men actually absolute owners of life?
- The Eighth of March would postpone the twenty-ninth of February. Once every four years it can still be reached.
- The tie could not be tied. And the shill does not fasten.
- Plastic surgery to increase women's breasts would be in the free medical insurance program.
- All women would be the same in the same way - for simplicity in communication.
- All women would have allergic to gold, precious stones and animal fur.
- In female noses, there would be special filters, drowning beer smells, sweat and onions.
- Tiranozavrov would have brought again - so that there were more adventures in life.
- At work, the guy who is best played in Quake, would automatically become the boss.
- Cats allowed to keep only in two places: the refrigerators of Chinese restaurants and in tears - as targets.
- Each telephone would be equipped with a device interrupting communication in thirty seconds of the conversation.
- Napkins would remain unexplored. Galoshi too.
- A close look at the female bust with the first meeting would be regarded as official recognition in love.
- For travel in the left row at a speed of sixty kilometers per hour it would be shifted in place.
- To unbutton a fastener of a bra, it would be enough to blow it easily.
- After the next stage of the Formula 1 races, anyone could charge the winner's bar.
- Having granting her daughter, the mother would automatically forget about its existence. Thus, the problem of the mother would be solved finally.
- Instead of "beer belly" would grow "beer muscles".
- turning the table with a punch with backgammon, checkers or monopoly automatically would mean your victory.
- At the beginning of the news of the news, the speakers would tell all fresh mate jokes.
- Socks that always exist will be invented only in pairs. Above you in different places, they would vigorously crawl into each other.
- Bikini swimsuit would be considered an ideal suit for a business woman. And not business too.
- The seats on the toilets would have leaned up immediately after they got up.
- There would be clamshells in every bar for those who are not going to leave here today.
- Dubbowns would leave the house independently. On them it would be quite good in the foot.
- monthly women would have been once a year. During the opening of the fishing season.
- No one would treat anything too serious.
B. Esuju women.
- All men are terrible womanists!
- So all?
- Does the rest can be called men?.
W. I went to the resort alone. After a week, my husband sent SMS:
- I still love you only.
J. Yennia Dental doctor sets up Bormashin:
- Do you remember, Misha, how at school did you pull me for the pigtails?
C. Oh, my head got sick again ... Say honestly, do you want me again?
P Overhart my future husband is a wife and beauty, and clever, and cooks well, well, and it's nice ...
When a woman lives alone ...
Perhaps you will be surprised, but girls are also not alien to the little joy of bachelor's lifestyle. After all, when a woman lives alone ...
1. She can sleep across bed, wrapped into a roll of blanket, signing one pillow under his stomach, and the second - under the head. When you are not there, we always sleep so.
2. It does not wake up at 4 am from squealing machines "Formula 1" on the day of direct broadcast of the Grand Prix of Australia.
3. It can make a very small garbage bucket in the world - and it will always be half empty. After all, there is no one to fill it with beer bottles and tons of cattle bones.
4. Her cat walks on the tables and beds with proudly raised head, and does not live in the wild stress and humiliation under the sofa.
5. Sitting on a diet, it does not experience tantalum flour, opening the fridge. The most seductive thing that she will find there - sheltered the germinated seeds of waste. And no sabotage in the form of depraved sausages, shameless dumplings and sausages-tempts.
6. She regularly engages in the morning charging, because no one stares on her jumping breast, red face and old training.
7. She can listen to Love Radio - yes! Love Radio, damn! At full volume, not holding the repentant facial expression "that you, of course, I also don't perceive this seriously"
8. It can climb on dating sites (just like that, out of curiosity), without worrying that some unnecessary advanced user will be selected in this.
9. She moves around the apartment easily, not bumping into something and the case on bulky exhibits at home-museum of a real man - snowboards, drills, tires, koshuhi and these, how are they? Bulgarian.
10. Abya is in the lucky confidence that Bulgarians are females of Bulgarians.
11. She may be brought to the face and body to face the most smelly substances, without worrying, what is the face and body will taste if someone will kiss them to duty.
12. She knows that if the nail trim is dug in the heel, then it is its own, immunosumatic trim.
13. Taken in the toilet sample of printed products (taken according to the net randomness, we do not read in the toilet) will be a cute female magazine or at the thin end of a native female novel, not a catalog of mobile phones for 200? year.
14. Your mother does not ring, your mother does not call, does not call your mother, does not call your mother;
16. When breakdown, it causes a smart, pretty and shy former classmate. It treats him tea, sits on the table in a short bathrobe, enjoying his pink ears. And does not listen to months about the fact that this is a man's work that someone will do as soon as there is time.
17. She ceases to be late, because no one will measure the time of her fees with the stopwatch.
18. Brings the flowers home, worries about how much they prepay, and not about how to explain where they came from.
19. Washed, without turning doubts - is it true that all men sometimes write to the sink.
20. With the word "dinner" thinks about a restaurant, not a supermarket.
21. For some reason, it is not at all interested in new technologies of getting riding. And he does not invent diplomatic ways to introduce these means into life.
22. She quickly and deftly changes the light bulb, without any reflection on the strategic mistakes of his actions from the point of view of the honest division of homework.
23. Hanging on the phone arbitrarily for a long time, without thinking that somewhere in the corner there is a man in a powerless desire to legitiate somewhere and download something.
24. No one erases her panties with her 80-dollar soap with moisturizing oil ginseng.
25. It may have candy and called the world to throw candy for the sofa back. Sometimes we want to do it terribly.
26. She naturally leads home girlfriends who have tactless to have a third size of the bust at a waist of 50 cm.
27. She spends its hair removal anywhere in the apartment, and not just standing in the basement in a close bathroom with poor lighting.
28. goes bare without back thoughts, stuck and not pulling the belly.
29. It is generally less prepared, lying and looking for lids from toothpaste.
30. She may at any time with a pleasure to dream about the beautiful day when you with her finally decide to live together.
FROM It was still painted in the morning, 5 times fainting fell from his beauty ...
J. Yenshina, like children, love to say "no".
Men, like children, take it seriously.
I have a feeling if I die, my wife will suit the coffin and says: "Specially died, just not to do a horse!"
Woman - as a parachute. Always need to have a spare.
Women wear stockings and tights,
And indifferent to cultural issues.
Twenty percent of them - idiotes,
Thirty percent - stuffed fools.
Forty percent of them - psychoatakes,
In the amount it gives us ninety.
Ten percent we have in the stupid,
Yes, and from these, it is not easy to choose.
A woman is a human being that dresses, chatting and strips.
- Woman's hands should tremble from gifts, feet from sex, and heart from love!
- Do not break you from resonance?
The woman's mind is like chicken, and in smart - like two.
Women are much easier than men! From work came, the store went to the store, I sat down, I was removed, the children fed, the lessons checked, the cow fell, dinner prepared - and everything, damn ... all day free!
Women's Female - the result of a million years of life without thinking.
In the kitchen, women are very easy to remove stress. For example, I took out Turkey, called Sanya, Vanya or somehow somehow, cut off everything that wanted, and slowly lowered in boiling water.
Intuition is a striking flair that prompts the woman that she is right, regardless of whether it is right or not.
If a woman does not give up, she wins, if you give up - dictates the conditions to the winner.
Listen to women - all ingenious children! And everything from the husbands of idiots.
If the girl is afraid of hot hugs, then it is a snow maiden. If a woman is afraid of hot drinks, then it is a snowy woman.
Never trust a woman who calls you your age. A woman capable of this is capable of everything.
Carefully listening to a woman, you help and she understand what she wanted to say.
If you want to do the right, consult my wife and draw on the contrary.
We undertake to prove that women are better than chisel or span clusteron. Let it be anticatically, for that fun, with jokes. You can read these jokes on the 8th of March.
A woman is better than radio - all the news will tell, and not only the world, but also about the whole entrance, and do not pay for electricity.
A woman is better than the hacksaw - the sawing is great, not blocked, and garbage does not leave.
The woman is better than the boss - he fucks you too, but the woman is still more pleasant.
Woman better than parents - there is a choice of choice.
Woman better than life - she is not alone.
A woman is better than a hairdryer - a hairdryer can break, worry and released, and the girl will break, break and stop stopooting
A woman is better than a minibus - if it starts, it will not stall in the middle of the way.
A woman is better than ice cream - melts not only from the heat, but also from candies and flowers.
A woman is better than a bottle of vodka: one with a woman is normal, one with a bottle - already alcoholism.
The woman is better than the phone - if somewhere and forget, he herself will come home.
A woman is better than a traffic cop - if she needs money, she so straight and says.
A woman is better than cognac - with age, its value does not increase.
A woman is better than a cellular connection - no need to overpay in roaming.
A woman is better than a cow - it's more pleasant for her tits.
A woman is better than the Internet - a woman you know exactly where what is.
A woman is better than a bath - and drinks and sex will take and pay money to pay.
A woman is better than a dog - food is not only myself, but you will cook you.
Woman better than registration in Moscow - it is not necessary to have it.
A woman is better than a computer - Upgrade is less likely to spend.
The woman is better than the iPhone - because what to do with a woman you instincts will tell, but you will be able to deal with him.
- I have a feeling, if I die, my wife will suit the coffin and says: "Specially died, just not to do a horse!" She is:
- Woman's hands should tremble from gifts, feet from sex, and heart from love!
It:
- And you, my favorite, does not break the resonance? Children scare uncles, uncle - children. I read on the Internet that on December 21, 2012 there will be no end of the world, no terrible and painful death. Just all people will connect to a single information field and learn the whole truth about the past and present. So my wife will also find out. So still terrible and painful death. In the kitchen, women are very easy to remove stress. For example, I took out Turkey, called Sanya, Vanya or somehow, cut off everything that I wanted, and slowly lowered in boiling water ... I bought a book: "Poons. Yesterday, today, tomorrow" (just decided to read)
The husband washes the second day and the dishes, and the garbage makes it, and in all agree ... the ideal family. Wife:
- Favorite, go vodka to drink!
Husband:
- Favorite, I still do not domine the floors! Listen to women - all ingenious children!
And all from the husbands-idiots ... - Have you cleaned my jacket?
- Yes Dear.
- And trousers?
- Of course, dear.
- And shoes?
- And what, you have and there your pockets? Carefully listening to a woman, you help and she understand what she wanted to say. If you want to save relationships, do not ask the woman about the past, but a man about the future. I looked off my wife to buy books like "Beauty and Health", "The perfect figure for 2 weeks" - just showing the photos of their authors. - All men goats!
- Yes darling. Everything.
- And you too?
- I am the biggest goat in the world!
"Then why did I get married for you and live with you so many years?"
- But now we smoothly switched to the topic that all women are fools. Host note. Stroking the hostess is much easier than shirt and pants. To get rid of once and permanently from terrible, but obsessive with their problems a friend of his wife, it is enough to ask his wife Casual: "And where is our Sveta, with a gorgeous appetizing ass?". Guy - girl:
- On the one hand you are very beautiful.
- And on the other?
- On the other hand you have a face. Two peasants meet:
- I heard you married ...
- Yes, and my wife is cool - and in the kitchen, and in bed ...
- But how does she all have time?
- Yes, I'm in the kitchen of bed ... in a pharmacy:
- My husband is constantly complaining about pain in his chest, suffocation, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs? Women spend money with the mind!
In the end - no mind, no money ... Talking two Muscovites.
- Yesterday with such a cool girl met - intelligent, intelligent, with an excellent figure!
- Is she beautiful?
- I do not know, she has not yet filmed a gauze bandage.
If the blonde's eyes burn, it means that the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something. In connection with the tightened heat in Russia in high demand, girls began to use horns. Every time, swimming at night naked, he naively believed that the mermaids were ... Do not brag that your wife is best: women can be offended, and men want to make sure. There are two men, one says:
"You imagine, recently became an impotent, so it turns out that the world is so interesting: there are theaters, cinema, circus, parks ... - I heard that Nikolai married. Do not know, for love or for the sake of benefits?
"Well, he took his wife for the benefit, and money for love." The heart of the man consists of two ventricles. One for vodka, the other - for the snack. - Why are you so fat?
"Because breakfast from himself, dinner with me friends, and the enemies give me their dinner." Courage, honor and courage - here are three signs of my alcoholic intoxication. "And here I found a girl here in Sochi." Smart, good, faithful, beautiful ...
- Are you happy?
- Was happy. While smart did not recognize about the good, and the faithful about the beautiful! Make a woman happy - difficult, but maybe. The hardest thing in this situation is to stay happy yourself ... Women are not thinking, they plot! - Tell us how your wife went crazy?
- We traveled in the mountains where a beautiful echo. But the wife got used to the last word always remaining for her ... The belly of a man is a kurgan of glory over the grave of the hero. A man pursues a woman as long as she does not catch him. All women live on one motto: "love can not be used," but where to put a comma, each chooses ... If a man is erases socks, then they have the latter. Male pride is rapidly when they piss and laughing ingress the welding in the toilet. A man in the supermarket, referring to one of the buyers:
- You know, my wife has lost somewhere in this store. Could you give me a minute of attention?
- Why is it?
"You see, when I congently with a beautiful woman, my wife always suddenly from where neither take suddenly arises." Men only pretend that they do not understand women! It costs them cheaper. Obviously the non-Russian woman looked at the burning hut when she hit her horse. To find out something in a woman is impossible at any age: the maiden memory smoothly goes into women's secrets, and they, in turn, are in senile sclerosis. Sex is such a thing, after receiving which for an hour you understand that sex is not the most important thing in life ... Accept the woman like it is, can only earth. Men are divided into goats and rams.
Banes are men who are poorly understood in female psychology.
And goats - who understand too well. As it turned out, the most popular questions after vaccination:
Male: - Is it possible to drink?
Female: - Is it possible to wash?
Hence the conclusion: the main problem of a woman is that it is dirty, the main problem of the man is that it is sober. The wider wife of the waist, the longest thing her husband has a working day. - Why are women get married?
- Lack of life experience.
- Why are they bred?
- lack of patience.
- Why do they get married again?
- lack of memory. Sensation! Finally, it was possible to imagine female thoughts in a simple and understandable scheme.
- And I can't call my gentle: my bunny, my fish, my bird.
- What is she?
"And she pops up, her eyes will replenish, and climbs the beak." Old age is afraid of only women. Guys as a rule do not have time to get frightened ... - Dad, and who did you want more - a boy or a girl?
"Actually, a son, I just wanted to have a good time ... Note: If annual rings have already been formed on your cup of coffee and tea - it's time for you to marry. Whoever does not risk, he does not drink champagne and does not listen to Mendelssohn. Happiness is not in those women with whom you want to sleep, but in those who want to contact. Hound Do not marry a woman, you can live with which you can live. Marry that, without which it is impossible to live. If a woman is angry, then it is not only integrity, but also understands it. A man is interested in a woman as long as he is interested in her girlfriends. The motto of all women: we are born to make money dust!
"Dear girls! If you came to the advertisement about hiring to work, before entering, go away, please, next test:
1. Get away from the door for two steps.
2. Lent your hands behind the head, set forward the elbows.
3. Slowly move forward until you touch the door.
If your elbows touched the door earlier than your chest - we are very sorry, but we are forced to give up your candidacy. "American neurophysiologists found that the words spoken by a melodious female voice are processed in the brain of a man not the center of perception of speech, but the center of the perception of music, and Only then the information is transmitted to the speech center. That is why the males often do not immediately reach the meaning of what a woman said. ("Science and Life", No. 3-2006) If you want the woman to you light and cozy, it is necessary Wrong. When you have money appear - women appear! Women appear - they disappear money! Money disappear - women disappear! Women disappear - the money appears ... If you can remove women from this closed circle - you will be fabulous rich !!! - Dear! Have you bought milk?
- Milk ??! I didn't drink!
Women's wardrobe - it's when nothing to wear and hang it out! - Your wife can stop the horse to stop?
- When she is without makeup, you get up on end. Seventeen years old man got up every Utopo to walk with a dog. And here is a dog knows. The man turned around, as always, at 6 o'clock, lay for a long time and sighed and finally had a wife:
- Listen, you would not want to go to walk with me? The skill of the cavalier is to reduce the lady to the theater so that her feeling of gratitude does not have, and the desire to go again - no. - Yes, here before there were women in the Russian seleniums, the horse will stop on the race, in the burning hut will enter.
- And now they are where?
- burned!
She would like to live otherwise
Wearing a precious outfit
But horses all jump and jump,
And huts are burning and burning ...
Eh, you need a lot of our babe! If only horses were burning and horses hurt!
The horse will stop the horse, in the burning hut will be included ...
In general, what will not do, only not to wash, not stroking, do not cook ... what you need to impress the woman:
- Speak her compliments
- Respect it
- Like it
- hug it
- Protect it
- Wash money on it
- Pour it wine and feed in restaurants
- buy her what she wants
- Listen to Her
- Stay with her
- Support it
- Go for her to the edge of light
...
How to impress the man:
- Undress and prepare to devour. The man who decided to marry a long time thought for a long time, which of the three girls in love with girls to take into his wife. He decided to give every 5,000 dollars and find out how they would dispose of them.
The first bought expensive clothes, the best cosmetics, went to the elite beauty salon - in general, did everything to look perfect, and said: "I love you very much and want everyone to know that you have the most beautiful wife in the city."
The second spent all the money on his potential husband, having bought him new costumes, shirts, tools for the car, and said: "You are the most important thing for me, so I spent all the money on you."
The third launched $ 5,000 in turn, earned another 5000 and everything returned to a man: "I love you very much. I did it so that you realize that I was smart and unbelievable."
The man thought - and married the one whose chest was more.