Why does a man not keep his promises. Empty promises of men

We learn to be feminine, we try not to carry everything on our fragile shoulders, transfer responsibility to a man, ask him for help more often, but the trouble is ... We ask you to ask, but our requests and promises made to us are not always fulfilled. And this fact enrages more than one thousand women.

What's the matter? Why doesn't he keep his promises? He often says: wait, be patient, but the situation does not change. Why can he fail at a crucial moment, forget about your plans and needs, although they agreed? Why can't he finish the job he started? Or he may unexpectedly get into a mess, stumble out of the blue, do a stupid thing that will change the whole course of expected events.

Often an important reason for this behavior (except for the infantilism of your chosen one, but we will not discuss this in detail here), maybe suppressed anger towards you.

What does this have to do with it? - you might ask. I will try to explain as clearly as possible.

Aggression is an important part of our life. With the help of it, we defend our boundaries, try to solve emerging problems, satisfy our needs, however, we do not always realize this. But any manifestations of aggression in society are taboo. We learn from childhood that it’s not safe to express anger or anger — it can be punished, criticized, and insulted. Moreover, significant people can reject the child because of this behavior. And since children are very dependent on their parents, on significant adults, and without their attention, love and care, they cannot simply survive, then they often unconsciously decide that any manifestation of aggression can cost them dearly, and begin to suppress it. However, it does not go anywhere, it just accumulates in the soul and looks for a way out.

Because The child does not dare to deliberately show aggression towards significant people, then he begins to show it in any other relationship (for example, he may be a hooligan at school, but be a goody at home). Or he begins to take it out indirectly towards important adults (he smashed an expensive vase, broke a valuable thing, lost money, made a mess, did not fulfill what he promised).

Because in our culture, parents do not teach children (because they themselves do not know how) to recognize their anger, to be aware of the needs behind it, to express it and be responsible for it, then people grow up with distorted ideas about their feelings.

What do we have in the relationship between adult men and women?

This mechanism of indirect manifestation of aggression continues to work. For couples often lack constructive dialogue and competent feedback. Expressing genuine feelings is often taken as a personal insult and escalates into an argument. The partner remains deaf to our needs and requests.

If your man does not fulfill his promises, then this is probably a signal that he has accumulated claims, dissatisfaction and aggression against you. But he expresses them in an indirect way, "breaking off" you. Thus, unconsciously seeking retribution for the damage inflicted on him.

What to do?

Try to establish a dialogue in pairs. Take the courage and talk frankly with your man about what he doesn't like about your relationship or about you. You can directly ask him: "Why are you angry with me?" The most important thing here take a listening position and honestly try to hear it. Without their own excuses, comments, evidence.

This is the hardest part, I understand you! But the main thing is to try at least once to create an atmosphere where he can open up and honestly express his dissatisfaction. The same is true for you, you can also ask your man to just be a listener.

When the dialogue is established, the need for an indirect manifestation of aggression and discontent by harming the other partner will disappear. And the man will naturally be more attentive and obligatory!

I had a friend. One day he said to me: “Give me money on credit. Seven thousand rubles. "

It took place at the beginning of the 2000s, the amount at that time was considerable. Or does it seem so to me now? No matter. The main thing is that he took the money and disappeared. Despite the fact that before that we talked almost daily, on the whole we got along, and in general, nothing boded. Nevertheless, he disappeared. Not immediately, but, as it should be in such cases, gradually.

The script was standard: at first - assurances that he would soon give it back, then he stopped picking up the phone when I called him. I called back less and less, began to ignore my text messages and slowly but surely left the horizon.

The nuance is that, with all our close communication, I did not know where he worked (they talked about something else), and it was difficult and somehow stupid to watch him at the house on the other side of the city. We also did not have common acquaintances. In short, everything is one to one. And now half a year has passed, I already begin to forget (without leaving, however, the dream of breaking his arms and legs), how Seryozha calls. He asks for forgiveness without explaining - we must give him his due - of the reasons, since any explanation in such a situation would be a senseless lie, even if it turned out to be true. He assures that he will return the money - with an excuseful interest in excess of what was taken. After eight on Thursday you will be home, will I stop by? Yes, I will, I answer. Great, he says. Sorry again.

Eight months later. I cross the road, and his car is the first in the far right lane in front of a traffic light. I unfold Vedomosti, put it on the hood and sit on top. “Give me my money, I'm waiting,” I say. He gets out, takes out a wallet, digs, pulls out half of the amount. No, they say, I'm sorry, and that's what it is. The rest, when, I ask, and I understand that it is useless: everything will be as it already was. I'll give it up until the end of the week, he says. And got back into the car.

What could I do? Give him in the face? It would be nice. I tried. True, when I grabbed the door, it turned out that it was blocked. I had to kick this door with my foot, leaving a decent dent. This is your excused interest, I say. Without opening the window, he read his lips and drove off.

In this story, only one thing is surprising - Sergei turned out to be not who I thought he was. Everything else is generally understandable. It is interesting, however, that the question is - why manifest itself six months later, if it is already clear that there will be no money? - arose only in women to whom I told this story. Moreover, they reacted very emotionally, and Sergey, as a rule, evoked terrible, burning hatred in them. Okay, he took it and didn’t return it, but why call and promise if you’re lying anyway, they said, referring not so much to me as to their heartfelt, as I understand it, experience. Simply put, they projected classic money deception onto male deception in general.

What could I say to them in return? That their question is rhetorical and eternal? That the promises made are more dangerous than the reluctance to make them? That promises are a credit of confidence, which, although it is taken on favorable terms - without interest, is still a credit. And this, as you know, is a scheme in which the one who took it will always be glad not to return it. And the lender will inevitably start to irritate.

Here you also need to keep in mind the difference between the promises that men make to each other and the promises to women. In the first case, the failure to fulfill the promise is just a fact in itself, in the second - a fact and a bunch of aggravating circumstances: where he promised, how he looked, how many days (exact number) he did not call, what he was wearing (“his idiotic green hat ... that's how I felt, you can't trust a man in such a hat! ").

“Women talk to each other the same way men talk to men. But women always pay attention to details. ”Amy Winehouse was right three hundred times.

A woman wants to take the floor from a man, she often insists and at the same time always admits that she will be deceived. Such, you know, the feverish trembling of a card player who has put everything on the line and is watching the distribution. "Do the promised" - one of the fetishes of the weaker sex in relation to the sex of the stronger, an important item on the list of ideal traits of Him, well, you know, "a real man always keeps his word."

It is, in general, correct and understandable: the one who can be responsible for his words has a tough and wide back (behind which, of course, any woman desperately wants to hide, even if she herself goes to the inspection and has mastered the iPad without assistance). At the same time, the inability to keep promises is almost the main complaint against men. Hammer in Google the keywords "man" and "promises" - the three most popular options will automatically appear in the window: "man does not keep promises", "man does not keep promises" and - only the third number - "man keeps promises". Moreover, if you break through this most optimistic version, you will get links to texts with the headlines "Why men do not keep their promises", "Empty and false promises of men about love to their alleged beloved ..." and "How to make a man keep his promises." Hmmm, here it is, the reputation.

Not in self-defense, but I will note: more often than not, a man promises what he will not fulfill, for two reasons: in an effort to pass off his wishful thinking (to show himself better than he really is, to get the notorious credit of trust) or hoping to get away from the conflict, hoping to put out the fire with the magic words "I promise." Although no, I'm lying, there is a third reason, and it is very important. This is pressure from a woman. It sounds pathetic, and nevertheless, let's admit, girls, that you often press us, creating a situation in which it is almost impossible not to promise. Although no one argues, a man has his own head on his shoulders, and if he blurted out something without thinking, under the influence of the moment, this hardly justifies him.

I am not saying that in every empty promise of ours is the fault of the woman, and, of course, the man who put noodles on the lady's ears takes full responsibility for what was said. However, female blackmail, often, perhaps, not meaningful, is a common thing. Tears, pouting lips. Offended tone. Denial of sex. Anything you want goes into action. I'm wrong?

While you are throwing stones at me, I will tell you a story. Alas, there are enough examples of classic male deception in every woman's memory, so I will not add fuel to the fire. My story - with a happy ending, which, however, no one imagined.

A friend of mine had been dating a girl for several years. Oddly enough, the girl did not really dream about marriage, but she wanted a child. And slowly but surely it led. The buddy kicked out. Not that I didn't want to, not that I didn't love my friend - well, I was just afraid of the unknown, that's why I hesitated. But the nuts were tightened, and at some point there was nowhere to retreat.

One fine winter night - again under the influence of the moment - my friend promised that he would give his beloved for her birthday whatever she wants. A friend wanted a child. Okay, said the friend and began to count how long he had to live. The birthday was scheduled for December 15th. Two weeks remained. Of course, he deceived her.

Conception did not happen. What he said there, what reasons he composed, it doesn't matter now. The main thing is that the project did not take place. There was a hell of a scandal, my friend packed her things and left. On New Year's Eve, they crossed paths in the apartment of mutual friends, and the friends arranged everything on purpose - they invited both of them. Friends, on the one hand, behaved incorrectly, intervened in someone else's personal life, but, on the other hand, they did everything right. In short, the couple met, had a fight again, and made it up closer to the morning. They still conceived a child - however, almost a year later, in November, and this is the very case when it is better late. Why is it better late?

Because the new year was 1998. There was a default in August. Both lost their jobs. By November, things had more or less got better - not that the work was drawn decent, but it was drawn in principle, which in that situation was already cool. Then everything began to improve and by the summer it had almost returned to its original positions. Their son was born in July 1999. And could - if conceived on December 15, 1997 - be born, it is clear when, consider yourself. Not keeping his word, my friend made big problems, but he avoided even bigger ones: giving birth to a child in the midst of a crisis is, you know, not a fountain.

Of course, this is just an accident, an exception to the rule that does not at all justify the failure to fulfill the given word, but the winners are not judged, right?

Barbra Streisand once said: "I could put together a whole book out of the promises men made to me in bed." Remember these golden words, and your life will be much easier.

And finally. If a man promises and NEVER keeps his word, this is a diagnosis. Draw conclusions as quickly as possible. If mistakes happen ... well, they just happen, here you need to be careful in your judgments. And consider each miss separately.

Yes, and I have a request for you - well, don't push you. Otherwise, we know these curves of female logic.

She: I want this and that.

He: I can not. (Tears, lips, denial of sex.)

He: OK then.

She: Do you promise?

He:(with a sigh) Yes.

He did not keep his promise.

She: You lied to me! Why?

He: Because you pressed me!

She: IT WAS NOT SO NECESSARY TO GIVE IN! WOULD STAND ON YOURS! OR ARE YOU NOT A MAN?

After all, women are fantastic creatures. Thank you for being there.

PS. The friend that was discussed at the beginning, the one who threw me for money, after many years was left without a business. I lent everything I had, hoping to get a solid commission. And he did not receive anything - neither commission, nor what he gave. It's not my fault. But when I found out, I didn't cry, as you know. All the same, a credit of trust, hmm, a delicate thing.

“I could put together a whole book of the promises that men made to me in bed,” said Barbra Streisand. I must admit that there really is a category of men who generously give promises, and they are not limited to the bedroom: "I'll call you / Of course, we'll get married! / Yes, I'll buy you a fur coat / I will certainly come to dinner / Today I'll hang this picture" ... Hit of all times and peoples: "I promise, this will not happen again." Why do men not keep their word and is it worth waiting for the promised three years.

We begin to believe in the promises made to us since childhood - when dad promises a beautiful doll for the New Year, and Santa Claus guarantees that next year he will definitely appear again. When Santa Claus does not come, and instead of a doll, a tiny doll sits under the tree, disappointment ensues. It is noteworthy that there is no analogue of the phrase "a man said, a man did" in relation to a woman. Specialists explain the specific attitude to a word given by a man by sociocultural norms. “A man is a structuring principle, he builds the structure of the world. And the structure is what you can rely on, ”psychologist Alena Sagadeeva philosophizes. “These are traditionally social and gender roles, in accordance with which boys and girls are brought up,” adds Igor Pozhidaev, a psychotherapist at the Sibneiromed Center. "People are expected to conform to the ideas they were taught."

But some, apparently, were still inspired with something else. Conventionally, men who make empty promises can be divided into three categories.

Liar, liar. This is a real liar, manipulator and sly. He knows what he wants and achieves in all possible ways, including giving promises that are expected of him and which he will never fulfill.
... Striving. The second category is men who do it unconsciously. “These men want to look better than they are. They are aspiring, but not moving, ”says Alena Sagadeeva. They make promises not because they want to deceive - they just want it to be so in reality, so they themselves begin to sincerely believe in it, infecting their interlocutors with their faith. If such a man is caught in a discrepancy between word and deed, he will be very sad to shrug his shoulders, ask for forgiveness and promise that this time he will try to do everything right.
... Offended. The most amazing character. It differs from the previous one by excessive touchiness and demonstrative removal of responsibility. “Why aren't you looking for a job? You promised, ”they ask him for the fifth time. And he explodes in righteous anger, managing to give a dozen arguments in favor of the fact that he has nothing to do with anything and, in general, is deeply offended by the very formulation of the question.

Between word and deed
If you delve into a man's head, most often the reasons for such irresponsibility are associated with an attempt to escape - the fear of punishment, the desire to avoid a scandal or to reassure someone who is glad to be deceived himself.

“The most important thing is that inside this person there is a kind of conflict between what he really wants and what others expect from him, to whom he makes these promises”, -

Alena Sagadeeva says. He may know that he wants something different, or he may sincerely believe that he wants the same thing that they do, although in reality this is not so. Ultimately, in order not to create excessive tension in the relationship, he promises what he really does not want. And what does he really want then? According to Ms. Sagadeeva, unlike a woman who wants stability, a man, first of all, seeks freedom. How he will react to the restriction in the most basic need depends on upbringing and fortitude, but the reaction in one form or another will follow immediately. Empty promises are one of them.

The second need, which must necessarily be satisfied (here, regardless of gender), is the need for love, acceptance and respect.

In response to his promise, the man receives certain bonuses - the fur coat has not yet been bought, the nail has not yet been hammered in - and the woman is already smiling, already grateful in advance and inspires further verbal exploits.

Also, show me a woman who doesn't want to hear that everything will be fine and all wishes will come true? Even if it's hard to believe, even if all previous experience suggests otherwise, you still really want to.

What to do?
It is difficult to resist the question “Why did you not warn me again?”, It is difficult to resist irony in response to the next promise of a person who does not keep his word. The only thing that can be done in this situation is to try again to voice how you feel - in some cases the quantity factor works. And the main thing is to understand for yourself what you personally do in order to get the attitude that you receive. This will surely outrage many women, but it happens that they themselves regularly insist, push their desires, preventing a man from expressing himself the way he wants.

Analyzing in which graph of merits you were mistaken, you can find the cherished key that will slightly open the veil of secrecy and put everything in its place.

“As a rule, the problem is in the mismatch of values ​​- for a man something is valuable, and for a woman something else, these are different things and they do not overlap.

On the other hand, if a man regularly makes promises, but does not fulfill them, then this is the wrong man - this is especially difficult to believe, ”says Alena Sagadeeva. According to experts, it is possible to change the current model of behavior, but it is difficult. “This requires quite a lot of effort,” says Igor Pozhidaev. “And here you need to correctly assess the situation, understand - whether to fight for your happiness or just find it in the form in which it already exists.”

If you don't want to break the relationship, you should again ask yourself the question - what will happen if he never fulfills what he promises? Would you like to be with him in this case? If not, then you should stop indulging yourself with illusions. And if so, to hell with her, with a fur coat and an unpatched nail.

Valeria Belenkaya

The girl lives in a civil marriage and has been waiting for a marriage proposal for a year. A married lady with children believes that her husband will stop drinking. A guy - a student for several years has been in love with a girl who has been in the friend zone for 2 years.

Everyone knows the feeling when you are painfully waiting for something.

There are a lot of options for what to expect.

Waiting helps NOT to see the obvious.

Here are a couple of examples.

The girl lives in a civil marriage and has been waiting for a marriage proposal for a year.

A married lady with children believes that her husband will stop drinking.

A guy - a student for several years has been in love with a girl who has been in the friend zone for 2 years.

The employee hopes that the boss will finally notice his efforts and raise his salary.

The mistress believes that a married man will leave the family and be with her.

His official wife believes that her husband will stop cheating and everything will be the same.

This same husband hopes that either his mistress will leave him, or his wife will not stand it and get divorced, or even something will happen that will make him feel good.

There are a lot of such examples both in our own life and in the lives of the people around us.

You wait, you hope, you believe. You have arguments that someday you will get what you want from specific people.

These same people can throw up arguments and support your expectation. For example, promising that “just a little, just a little more patience - and I will mature / change / do / stop.

Not today, not right now. After a while.

For example, in a week, a month or two, or six months, or whatever happens. You are the main thing - believe and wait. "

And some tell you directly - I can not promise anything. Or they generally avoid answering. And after these words or ignoring, instead of drawing conclusions, for some reason you still hope for something.

What if he changes his mind? But in this case, claims can only be made against yourself.

Why do some people promise "breakfast food" but don't? Keeping the other in limbo, waiting?

I see several reasons for this.

For example, a person sincerely thinks that he is really ready to give what is expected of him. But for some reason he cannot do this right now.

It promises certain deadlines, when these deadlines come up - new circumstances open up, which again interfere with the implementation of the plan.

And man, as it were, has nothing to do with it. He wanted to, but it didn't work out - external factors let him down. And so every time.

Personally, I believe that the unconscious can organize space according to your deepest needs.

A person who sincerely promises something, but does not do, does not deceive another - he deceives himself first of all.

Inside, he may feel discomfort at the moment when he subscribes to something, but not pay attention to it, ignore himself.

Such an internal conflict is obtained, which is not fully realized - I do not want to do this, but for your sake I will do it. Here, the unconscious interferes with various external factors, helping to prevent what a person really does not want to do.

There is another reason- you expect something from me, which I do not really or do not want to give you.

I know that, I understand, but I'm afraid to ruin my relationship with you.

Or lose you altogether.

Therefore, it is easier for me to promise you something in the future, so that you calm down now.

And we'll see.

What if you forget about my promise?

Or something will change, and it will be irrelevant to you.

Such reasoning is typical for people who find it difficult to defend their position, boundaries, people who are codependent and afraid of losing relationships due to the fact that they will present themselves as they really are. I want and I don’t want to, I can and I can’t.

They know for sure that they won't do something for you, but they will actively promise it.

This is done in order to get some resource from you. If in the previous example a person has bad personal boundaries and therefore promises fables, then in this case the opponent pursues personal goals and interests and uses non-ecological methods for this.

What does a person feel, so to speak, on the other end of the line?

When was he either promised, or he invented something for himself and lives in anticipation?

At first, he feels something like relief and joy when he hears from another, or he has fantasized for himself that he will receive what he wants so much. However, this joy does not last long.

As a rule, it is replaced at first by mild, then more and more intense anxiety. Usually they try to fight it somehow. Because this anxiety makes it difficult to believe and wait. You have to constantly suppress it, spend a lot of strength and energy on it.

Relations with the one from whom something is expected, too, deteriorate gradually. Tension, mistrust, a lot of hidden aggression appear in them, which results in little things.

The expectant feels irritated, his self-esteem deteriorates, his self-confidence falls.

Nevertheless, waiting organizes life in a certain way.

It helps NOT to see the obvious.- your boyfriend does not want to marry you, your husband is an alcoholic, and your whole life is conditioned by this, the girl does not see a man in you - only a friend, the boss uses your resources, but is not going to raise the salary, the married lover is not going to leave his family, husband walks to the left, no one will change your life for you and nothing will change by itself.

Sometimes reality is hard to admit.

See her for who she is. No embellishment, no illusions, no fantasies.

It's scary to admit what kind of ... hole you are in.

That your partner, environment or situation is not what you want them to be.It hurts to understand that your desires may not be fulfilled by specific people, even if you really want to.

To admit all this means to give up faith, hope that what is important to you, you can receive in this place.

Then you need to change something. Look for another place, other people, or do something yourself.

Change is a step into the unknown, uncertainty. And while waiting, you can sit for a long time and not change anything. Just wait for the other to give you what is important. As in a warm swamp - though not very pleasant, but quiet and stable. Live a life that has been laid aside in tomorrow, hoping that it will bring you happiness.

Finding yourself in expectations is very important. Yes, this is not always pleasant. But when you say to yourself - I am waiting for something that does not exist now and not the fact that there will be tomorrow - in this moment personal responsibility for oneself appears.

And you have a choice - to spend energy on expectations and hopes, or on changing the part of the situation that is within your control.

And then the girl says to her boyfriend - I no longer agree to live with you in an unregistered marriage.

The alcoholic's wife ceases to fight her husband's illness and begins to take care of her life.

The guy from the friend zone makes an attempt to win his beloved, if it doesn't work out, he starts communicating with other women.

The subordinate gains courage and prepares for a serious conversation with his superiors about the promotion and at the same time looks for another job in case the issue is not resolved.

The mistress finds the strength to leave the married man in order to be able to build a family with someone else.

The wife does not spend energy on suffering for her husband, but switches her attention to herself, her desires and needs.

Her husband stops hoping for a miracle and goes to a psychologist in order to understand what he wants and how to organize it in life.

Of course, there are exceptions to any rule. There are stories in which someone waited and waited for a long time. Someone pays a high price for waiting, others not so much. Anything can happen. The choice of each of us is to wait a long time or a little more, or start changing our lives right now.published. If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to the specialists and readers of our project .

What if you have mutual feelings with a woman from another city?

Question:
I met a woman online, we corresponded, called on Skype, in general we like each other and our life positions are similar. Honey we already feel some kind of feeling, if not love, then falling in love. This is noticeable in both the reports and the atmosphere. What should we do? Confused by the distance, we are in different cities. Volgograd and Astrakhan.

Alexander Biryukov's answer:

The question is not just common in our network age, but one of the most pressing. I get asked it almost every week.

Distance is the weakest factor that should not bother anyone in our time. I would also understand if you were in different countries at different parts of the world. Or at least you are in a taiga village 100 km from Yakutia, and she is on a farm in the Kaliningrad region. But a train runs between Astrakhan and Volgograd! 10 hours - and you are together!

What to do? The scheme is as follows. It was not I who invented it, but I was the one who put it together from rational pieces and thought out the steps. I warn you that this is a general scheme. And each case requires adjustment in one direction or another. But the scheme works.

After you have received the primary and even in-depth information in your case in the process of correspondence and conversations on Skype, you need to meet in real life. The matter is facilitated by the fact that you already know each other relatively well, are accustomed to each other. You are already experiencing warm feelings. This means that you will no longer be strangers to each other, you will feel comfortable together right after the meeting.

Before all this, it is better to try to inquire about the woman. It is not necessary to delve into some intimate details of life. The main thing is not to be a whore / prostitute, alcoholic, drug addict, mentally ill, convicted person, and that all this should not be followed by her closest relatives. Everything else will be seen in real life by her behavior.

It is better not to delay the meeting in real life. Once you both realize that you are not indifferent to each other, already schedule a meeting. Let's say in a couple of weeks. Until the time comes, the acquaintance will deepen, and the feelings will strengthen. You will meet almost dear people.

The meeting in real life should be relatively long. Not one night, but at least three or four days, if possible, then more. What for? See a person, his behavior. In all aspects: the ability to create coziness in a couple, the ability to do household chores, compatibility in sex and much more. You see how the woman's behavior corresponds to what she wrote and said on the net.

Where and how to invite? Here you decide for yourself. If one of you lives alone, then the other can come to him. If both live with relatives, then you can rent at least a small apartment somewhere on the outskirts of the city. It will not be so expensive, but it will be your first (and perhaps not the last) joint home. Expenses - by agreement. If both work, you can split it in half. Or a visitor pays for tickets, and a local one pays for housing.

When to do it? If people in liberal professions, or in general, can have themselves, then whenever they like. If someone (or both) works on a tight schedule, that is, holidays: New Year's, February 23, March 8, there will soon be long May holidays. Summer vacation. You can take time off and add to the weekend. In general, a solution can always be found.

You met and everything went well. You are happy with each other. What's next? It is better to repeat this meeting again after a short period of time. You can now go to another city, meet your parents. You can do this a couple more times, if in doubt. But do not delay. Any delay in the relationship dilutes the matter.

Communicate actively on Skype between trips. These are the same dates, the same communication and getting used to each other, like walking in the park.

When the trip is over, the main thing is not to be blunt, but to take the bull by the horns. Move together. Reader, you are a man, and therefore you take upon yourself the decision-making. Thinking over where you will live. If there is a free apartment - in it. If there is a parental apartment, they rent it out and live on this money (+ pension) - remove it from the parents for the same amount. And parents will not be offended, and you are better off than wiping other people's corners from other people's owners. If this is not the case, then simply rent a small, inexpensive apartment and live.

Having thought all this over, you inform the woman that she is moving in with you. Now is the time not to shake your ears. If she says she can't, find out why. If she is a top manager or a deputy, then the move is, of course, difficult. Not everyone will leave such a trump place. If a teacher or a hairdresser, then let him not drive bullshit. You can get a job as a teacher and a hairdresser everywhere, not such-and-such a unique profession and position. Studying - transfer to a similar university in your city. My students, even in the most complicated bureaucratic medical university, married the military and were easily transferred to other universities. If he is a part-time student, there is nothing to talk about at all. Translation is done even among the semester in a few days. And so that she is less driven, you will help her on the spot and transfer, and find a job. you are indigenous, you have the advantage. Use it for your woman.

If she is a freelancer and works remotely, then there is nothing to talk about at all.

Missing mom and dad - it doesn’t matter. That's what Skype is for. The main thing is that she is not psychologically dependent on them, and the father-in-law and mother-in-law through this Skype do not try to control you and personally control you. Your family must live autonomously. And the leader in her is you, not her parents. In your family, from now on, the law is your word. She must understand and accept this.

If a woman loves you, she will only be glad that you have shown perseverance and decisiveness in your actions. I thought about many problems and found a solution. He did not mumble, smear the snot with his fist, but just took it and did it.

Just don't act like insecure men. There is no need to dump a bunch of these questions, doubts on her head. Where to live, how to live, etc. It is not necessary to discuss all this with her for a long time and tediously. I considered all the options - found the best one - presented it with a fact. As a last resort - a choice of a couple of alternatives. You are a man, and you still make the decision. So why bother with the topic? Be firm and don't be afraid to make decisions.

So all the paddocks are a waste of time. Distance, different cities are such a minor problem in our mobile age that it is even a shame to talk about it. Everything that I have described is very easy to implement if you take it. The main thing is not to slow down, to be decisive and firm.

It's really simple. Trust me.

Of course, this is a general scheme, and some special cases will need to be adjusted.

Answers to additional questions arising from readers.

1. It makes sense to support long-distance love only if you have real and serious intentions for a woman. They are determined after a relatively long communication by correspondence and after obligatory multiple communication on Skype .

I repeat once again that communication on Skype is analogous to a regular date without sex. Like a walk in the park. Both interlocutors see each other, can appreciate the appearance, voice, manners and everything else that everyone needs. Even the sincerity of words can be checked when you see the interlocutor. The falsity is easy to read. In addition, now webcams have a good resolution, and you see a person as if he is sitting opposite at the table. So, correspondence and especially Skype will give you the opportunity to get to know each other as if you have already met for some time. You can and SHOULD clarify all aspects of yours and her mood for the future. Attitudes towards the family model, marriage, children, budget, family hierarchy, etc. So that you meet without any misunderstandings, almost like family people.

As you can understand, there is no point in starting all this just for the sake of sex. At least in my opinion. Long-distance love is long-term and much more labor-intensive than finding a crush in your city. Long-distance love should only be started if there is a real soul mate at the other end. At least I would never bother with all this for the sake of banal fucking. Write, call, share your views, somehow rub in - and all for the sake of sex alone, and even then short-term, for a couple of days? It's just not worth it. In addition, there is so much sex now that it is not difficult to find it. Right in your city.