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The matchmaking of the bride scenario is modern and simplified. Matchmaking by the bride: what to say

Wedding chores are always pleasant. However, a wedding is always preceded by an engagement. It is now that this custom has not been given so much attention, as a rule, the newlyweds simply inform their relatives that they are going to formalize the relationship. But earlier, the matchmaking of the bride was one of the most important ceremonies, moreover, incredibly beautiful. Some couples keep the tradition today. Do you want to know more about the ancient rite, what has changed in it and how to conduct matchmaking today? Then - read on!

long tradition

Many, out of inexperience, believe that during courtship, customs are made, a ring is presented. Not at all. Today, the ceremony of matchmaking is perceived as the acquaintance of parents by the bride and groom. This ceremony in the modern sense is a very responsible event, for which the parties are preparing in advance: future fathers and mothers-in-law buy formal dresses, and fathers-in-law and mothers-in-law set plentiful tables.

But before, everything was completely different. Not only the groom's relatives gathered for the matchmaking ceremony. For this action, matchmakers were hired, it was on their shoulders that important negotiations fell, for example, matchmakers discussed what size of dowry the bride would have.

As a rule, the appearance of matchmakers was unpredictable, no one can predict this event in advance. It was believed that the effect of spontaneity would not allow the bride's family to hide their household, or, conversely, embellish it, and at the same time, the future bride.

And one more very important nuance. The decision about the upcoming wedding (whether it will be or not) was made not by the young (as is happening now), but by their relatives.

Traditional script

Once upon a time, the scenario of the bride's matchmaking meant that the matchmakers visited the potential bride's family several times. Moreover, making a decision about the upcoming wedding immediately after the first visit was considered a sign of bad taste. It is not surprising. The bride must "keep the mark" after all! Yes, and relatives for matchmaking from the side of the bride could not give the “goods” to the first person they met. However, there was a high probability that after the first visit, in case of refusal, the matchmakers would no longer return.

To prevent this from happening, the daughter's parents asked for time to think, consult with other relatives, and find out more about the groom.

If everything went as it should, the matchmakers returned again after a few days. If the verdict was positive, they discussed the date of the wedding, expenses, dowry and "compensation". After negotiations, future relatives (mother-in-law with father-in-law) were invited to visit to see where and how their beloved daughter would now live. Only after that the groom could meet with his wife.

engagement tradition

After the matchmaking, which could take more than one day, an engagement was organized. It was during the engagement that the bride and groom officially promised each other, a ring was presented, the young people exchanged oaths in front of the altar and witnesses that the wedding would certainly take place according to mutual desire.

Today, engagement is a completely different act. For some, this is the moment of handing the ring to the girl, for others - the announcement of the upcoming wedding, for the third - family gatherings, during which the parents of the future spouses officially get to know each other. And for some, the engagement is considered the day when an application is submitted to the registry office. But in any case, the engagement is considered the first step to the preparatory wedding events.

The tradition of modernity

Most of the centuries-old rituals, unfortunately, have sunk into oblivion. However, the ceremony of matchmaking occurs today. True, matchmaking scenarios are different, they have become more modern. So, if you want to have a wedding according to all the traditions, to find out how the matchmaking of the bride goes, listen to our advice.

Modern matchmaking involves a certain preparatory stage. In different countries, rituals acquire local flavor, have their own differences.

Lucky dates for marriage

So, first of all, decide on the day and date. It is believed that unsuitable days for wooing are Wednesday and Friday. In addition, you cannot send matchmakers to the bride on the 13th. The most suitable and successful numbers are 3, 5, 7, 9.

Today they do not use special ceremonial items. Previously, this action could not do without a towel (it was embroidered in a special way, with certain patterns), special dishes. Also, the ceremony took place according to the script - the speeches and actions of all relatives were prepared in advance. The girl was silent all the time while the matchmaking was going on, quietly raking the ashes from the stove. She had no right to turn to the matchmakers. Today, the girl simply does not leave her room.

Before the ceremony, the groom certainly prepares two bouquets. Flowers have their own symbolism, so it is better to find out about it in advance. So, if a girl is young, it is not customary to give her lush, rich bouquets. It is better to do with roses of delicate shades. For the mother of the bride, a bouquet should express honor, respect, admiration.

Script Example

So, you thought and guessed for a long time and nevertheless decided to arrange a matchmaking according to all traditions. To make it fun and not boring, you should plan everything in advance and even rehearse. By the way, the main character in the matchmaking is the matchmaker from the young. Don’t take just anyone for this role, the matchmaker should have a tongue, not have complexes, otherwise - write wasted.

All actions during matchmaking are accompanied by certain words. Of course, they can be very different. But the essence comes down to one thing. Here is what the participants of this action should say.

Start of the show

So, act out the situation. The guests are waiting at the house of the matchmakers, the latter are arriving. The bride at this time is waiting in her room, and does not show herself to anyone. The guests are delighted in chorus: “They are coming! Matchmakers are coming! At this time, the girls present can sing a folk song about love, the main thing is that it be positive and kind, with a happy ending. A variety of ditties are also appropriate.

At the meeting, the matchmaker from the side of the groom greets everyone: grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. He says that the path was not close, that it took a long time to get there. But they overcame all the difficulties, because they arrived with a very important mission - they say, they have a clear falcon, who had a wonderful dream, in which the red maiden appeared to the falcon as a beautiful firebird. Since then, the falcon has not eaten or slept, everything is thinking about her. And the relatives of the falcon decided to find his betrothed, asked for help from a magic staff, and he brought the matchmakers to this house. Naturally, all words are pronounced in a playful, comic form.

After such a stormy introduction and greeting, the bride's matchmaker comes into play. Again, in a joking manner, he says that he has no idea who he is talking about, that there are many beautiful red girls in the house.

There is no limit to the surprise of the matchmaker on the part of the groom, she asks permission to take everyone at once, to which the groom objects: “No, I don’t need everyone, my soul yearns for one!” The matchmaker of the groom, in confirmation of his words, echoes: “Yes! Any swan will not suit our falcon ”and suggests that the guy himself start looking for his only one. After the consent of the girl's parents, he enters the house and takes his bride out.

The groom's matchmaker enthusiastically exclaims: “Of course, she is beautiful, blush, slender. No wonder the falcon spent so much time drying over it. But we have prepared some tests for the swan.” A matchmaker scatters change on the floor or on the ground. The test begins, during which the girl must show that she is not lazy and can bend down to collect coins. The girl puts the coins in her pocket, and if someone asks for money, she refuses. The matchmaker immediately notices: “Economical! But I have one more question: how much buckwheat do you put in borsch - a spoon or a glass? The girl replies: “And I put meat in borscht!”. Everyone nods their heads in approval.

Bread is an essential attribute of matchmaking

After the test, the time comes for the main question: does the girl agree to marry a young man? As a sign of consent, she must cut the bread into 4 equal parts. And treat each of them to those present: the first two parts - he presents, bowing, to the groom's parents, the second - to his own.

After that, the groom’s matchmaker “marks” the bride so that no one else will take her away before the wedding. With the words: “We will mark with a little thing,” they give the bride a ring. After that, the woman notes that the groom's turn has come to show himself in business. The guy is given a hammer with nails and he drives a carnation into the threshold of the house. After the “work”, the groom gives gifts to the future mother-in-law and father-in-law: “The father-in-law is given a hammer so that there is sense in the relationship, and the mother-in-law gives a chocolate bar so that the wedding is smooth.”

Simplified version of marriage

There is another, more simplified scenario, for those who do not like to overly theatricalize their actions. After a stormy meeting, the groom enters the house, gives flowers, gifts to the chosen one and her parents. By the way, it will be very original if the groom steps over the threshold with a loaf in his hands - after all, a tribute to tradition.

Table gatherings are held under the auspices of praising the bride, and everyone praises her: parents, girlfriends, relatives: oh yes, smart girl, oh yes, beauty!

Hearing all the praising of the bride, the groom completely melts! Now is the time to confess your feelings to the young. By the way, it is very original if it is done in poetic form.

Modern guys and girls are increasingly independently deciding to tie the knot in their lives. However, many want to keep all the traditions of matchmaking. How to marry a bride? What do the groom and his parents need for this? Let's talk!

How was the wedding before the bride?

First of all, the matchmaking was preceded by the bride. In addition to the groom, his relatives came to the bride's house - an older brother, uncle or godfather. The girl needed to demonstrate her talents, and if the groom liked her, matchmakers soon went to her house.

During the matchmaking, the girl should have been silent, demonstrating her skills and outfits. If the bridegroom liked the bride, he drank a glass of water or honey presented by her relatives. If not, he just put the glass to his lips and left it full. The girl, in turn, could endure a pumpkin to the unkind groom, which meant refusal.

Modern traditions of matchmaking of the bride

Nowadays . In large cities, the whole ceremony most often comes down to a joint dinner of parents and announcing their intentions to the young. But if the young people want to keep the traditions, then the groom and his parents need to prepare in advance:

  1. First of all, you should discuss in advance the date and time of the visit that is convenient for the parents.
  2. The future mother-in-law and father-in-law should be appeased by the guy with a gift. For the mother of a girl, most often they choose a bouquet of flowers, but another gift is also suitable: beautiful dishes or decor items, sweets. The groom can give the girl's father a bottle of elite alcohol, cigars, a book. You can also check with the bride what her father is fond of (fishing, collecting, hunting), and make an appropriate gift.
  3. The groom must give flowers and a symbolic gift to the bride.
  4. In the role of matchmakers can be not only the guy's parents, but also the godfather or a close relative. A male matchmaker must be married, but a matchmaker can be unmarried.
  5. Matchmakers traditionally bring a symbolic gift to the girl's parents: sweets, fruits, wine.
  6. The mother of the groom can give the future daughter-in-law some expensive gift. It can be jewelry or a valuable item for the family.
  7. Matchmakers to the bride's parents can also present a symbolic gift - an icon, beautiful candles, a charm.

The groom and parents must be neatly dressed. If there are more girls in the family, for example, sisters, you need to take care of the flowers for them.

In modern society, it is not customary to learn long poetic speeches, but traditionally, matchmakers start a conversation with someone familiar to everyone: “you have a product, we have a merchant.” This is followed by a story that a beautiful girl lives in this house, with whom a young, generous, strong and wealthy groom is boundlessly in love, whose hands came to ask for matchmakers. The bride's parents can respond impromptu, but it is better for the groom's matchmakers to prepare a speech in advance.

While the parents are praising the bride and groom, reporting on their education, work, success and other achievements, the young are supposed to be embarrassedly silent. Previously, the bride had to change clothes at least five times in order to demonstrate the wealth of her family and her beauty. Today, this tradition has lost its relevance -. Sometimes, while the auction is going on, the girl hides in her room.

The bride's parents prepare treats for the matchmakers and at the table discuss the young people's plans for life, their intentions, attitude towards children, etc.

Matchmaking ends with a decision - whether the girl's parents will give their daughter in marriage to the groom. After their consent, the date of the bridegroom is negotiated - when the girl's parents go to the groom's house. It already stipulates the holding of the wedding, the number of guests, the distribution of expenses.

Matchmaking traditions

Particular attention has always been paid to the observance of customs, so if traditional matchmaking is planned, the information will be useful:

  • it is not customary to marry on the thirteenth, as well as on Fridays and Wednesdays;
  • most often they go to woo on the 3rd, 5th, 7th or 9th of any month;
  • traditionally, the guy had to run from the car to the house as soon as possible - this displayed his love and protected him from the evil eye;
  • matchmakers entered the house after the third invitation. At the same time, it was customary for the first two to slam the door loudly;
  • guests were seated in a certain way with their backs to the door, which spoke of their intentions;
  • at first they started talking about something distant, and then they got down to business;
  • matchmakers examined the girl in order to find flaws and reduce the ransom. They could even examine the condition of her teeth, so the bride's parents and the girl herself tried to prepare for the ceremony as carefully as possible. Now, of course, no one does such an inspection, but in a joking way, matchmakers can ask a girl to demonstrate what she can do: cook dinner, sweep, wash dishes, iron a shirt;
  • the bride's parents were bargaining, after which the girl's father decided whether to marry her to this groom. The second word belonged to the mother, the third to the brother of the bride.

If now 99% of matchmaking ceremonies end with the consent of the parents to the wedding, then earlier matchmakers could go for years while the bride's father chose the most worthy candidate for his daughter.

Traditionally, the girl's parents did not prepare gifts for matchmakers. In modern society, return gifts are a sign of respect, so you should prepare in advance. What to give, it is better to check with the guy. It can be home charms, wine, a basket of fruits, a home flower, kitchen utensils.

To turn matchmaking into a real holiday, you can invite professional matchmakers who, according to a special scenario, will arrange a fun and interesting ceremony.

Christianity, as the official religion of Kievan Rus, was proclaimed at the end of the 9th century. At that moment, the formation of Russian wedding traditions and rituals began and continued for seven centuries. The introduction of Christianity made it possible to formalize marriages through the wedding ceremony in the temple. Christian ministers of the church struggled with paganism for a long time, but could not completely eradicate it. The result was a close interweaving of Christian traditions with pagan beliefs.

Only in the 16th century were wedding customs fully formed, which were characterized by clearly defined stages from wedding paraphernalia to clothing and treats. Wedding folklore developed at the same time. But wedding ceremonies in different Russian provinces were extremely different, since a wedding has always been a game performance, and the approach to such a “theatrical spectacle” was different even in neighboring villages.

However, despite these discrepancies, there was a certain core of the wedding: rites copied from one village to another, repeated from city to city:

  • hen-party
  • Meeting of the young

Russian wedding traditions: Matchmaking

As in other states, in Rus', it was also customary to send matchmakers to the bride's house. On the appointed evening, the matchmaker with the matchmaker or the groom's relatives paid a visit to the girl's house. An allegorical conversation was started from afar, and the parents of the betrothed were usually in no hurry to give an answer. The final decision could be only after the second or third attempt of matchmakers. A positive response was the acceptance by the bride's parents from the matchmakers of bread, which they cut. If there was a refusal, the bread was returned to the matchmakers.

For a successful matchmaking ceremony, it was customary to adhere to several mandatory steps. It was unacceptable to start any wedding business on Wednesday and Friday. These were extremely unfavorable days for marriage. Neither matchmaking, nor the wedding day, under any circumstances, was appointed on the 13th. They always tried to play a wedding, avoiding even numbers. Lucky for a wedding, and for all wedding ceremonies, were odd numbers.

To woo, fearing the evil eye, they went out mainly after sunset. Everyone who went to woo tried to crush passers-by on the way and in no case engage in conversations. As soon as the matchmakers left, the women living in the house, for a successful business, tied all the stumps and stags up to the kupa.

In modern Russian matchmaking, many ritual obligations are either completely absent or very simplified. The future groom, sometimes with dad and mom, sometimes pays a visit to the parents of his future bride on his own, at which he asks them for "their daughter's hand." With the consent of the chosen one's father, he puts his daughter's right hand into the hand of the future son-in-law. After the completion of the matchmaking, the future newlyweds and parents discuss the day of the announcement of the engagement.


An engagement is an announcement of the unanimity of lovers to marry. After her, they already have every reason to be called the bride and groom.

For Russians, engagement or collusion was considered the most important pre-wedding ceremony. The parents of the bride and groom sat opposite each other at the table and for several minutes silently looked around - this was generally accepted. After that, they created an agreement, entered in row notes, the time of the future wedding.

If the bride belonged to a noble family, then on the occasion of the upcoming wedding, a ball-feast was held in her house. The bride and groom were presented as the father of the young assembled, and the engagement was announced. After that, all those present at the ball tried to approach the young people in order to witness their own congratulations. At the feast, in the presence of all the guests, the groom put on the bride an engagement ring with a precious stone.

Modest urban families made the engagement not so magnificent. According to routine, on this day, relatives from the side of the bride and groom officially got acquainted with each other, after which the parents performed a blessing. It happened that a priest was invited to bless them.

In the villages, all close relatives were necessarily invited to the engagement. Parents used icons of the Kazan Mother of God and Jesus Christ to bless the union of their son and daughter, after which they traditionally exchanged bread and salt. After that, the fathers of the young ones bowed in turn seven times, clapping their hands together, and in a touching and loud promise to complete this work together. After the blessing, the bride was immediately escorted to the threshold, where she bowed seven times to all parts of the world, telling the assembled crowd of neighbors and friends the news that she had finally been married.

Today, the pre-wedding rite of engagement has departed from ancient traditions. The desire of the young comes down to a solemn traditional dinner or party with relatives and friends, at which they announce the upcoming wedding and the groom presents the bride with a golden ring. By accepting it, she confirms the unanimous decision to marry.

hen-party


Without a bachelorette party - the most popular and the last before the wedding ceremony, future brides cannot imagine themselves. According to tradition, almost before the wedding celebration, the bride's friends gather to see off her free and unmarried time. In the old fashioned way, the bride was always taken to the bathhouse in the evening. Women were also invited there to perform sad songs and comb the young hair. The girl, being separated from the girlish will, had to wail and lament.

wedding ranks

In the wedding ceremony, special people were chosen for special roles, who were distributed according to "ranks". Each of them had its own "rank". Each person was assigned certain ritual assignments.

An unmarried man was chosen for the role of a friend, who knew the sequence of all the rites, who could speak eloquently and lead at the wedding. Druzhka helped the groom overcome all the obstacles on the way to the bride, which were created by the bride's relatives and friends.

Matchmaker - a married male relative, led the wedding, connecting a friend who helped in performing the same ritual actions.

The matchmaker is a married woman who accompanied the bride and helped her style her hair, put on a veil and wedding accessories.

The bridesmaids and bridesmaids were chosen from unmarried tall young friends. During the wedding, they must hold the crowns over the heads of the newlyweds. In a modern wedding, these characters are called a witness and a witness.

Tysyatsky - the godfather of the groom was invited to the role of governor, head of the wedding train.

The bed is a decent woman from the bride's relatives, married. Her role is to protect the bed of the young in the groom's house from the evil eye during the wedding feast.

Equipped - a married woman (bride's relatives) - before the wedding she dressed and combed her betrothed.

wedding train

On the day of the wedding, the groom went to the bride to walk down the aisle with her.

The wedding train (modern - cortege) was accompanied by magical rites that were aimed at protecting the young from evil spirits. Druzhka, occasionally a matchmaker, organized everyone from parents to those present.

We went to the bride's house. Druzhkoy conducted humorous allegorical negotiations with the father of the bride through the locked gate, such as “Merchant fellows drove for red goods. We have lost our way and are asking for a lodging for the night,” etc. After jokes, funny jokes, often - a monetary payment, the friend with the whole wedding train was allowed into the yard.

Before going to the crown, the young people were blessed by the girl's parents, who held an icon and bread in their hands. The father, putting his daughter’s right hand into the groom’s hand, admonished: “Water and feed, dress and shoe, do not load with work and never offend!”. The bride, leaving her home, was supposed to lament, even if she really wanted to get married. In order not to expose the young couple to spoilage, in some villages they were transferred through a splinter burning on the road. In others, lit bundles of straw were laid: on the threshold of the house, at the gate - along the entire path of the young from the crown to the groom's dwelling. The friend in the hands with the icon had to sprinkle the entire wedding train with holy water.

The same ceremonies were at the departure of the train from the bride's home and from the groom's house. The main and obligatory ceremony is the showering of hops, rye, oats on the bride and groom, all departing, and even harnessed horses. The wedding train was heading from the bride's gate to the church.

wedding ceremonies

The rite of vaults, which were endowed with magical significance, was accompanied by departure to the crown. A vault with special wedding songs symbolically connected the bride and groom. It was performed either in the middle of the dwelling or in the courtyard. As a friend or matchmaker, the groom was brought to the bride. He connected their hands and tied them with an embroidered towel (towel, handkerchief). The bride and groom walked around the circle three times. The magical connection is also characteristic of the rite with bread. Two pieces of bread were cut off by a friend: one - from the bride's bread and the 2nd - from the groom's brought bread. They were put together, tied with a red ribbon and given to the godmother, who laid them on the table. Sometimes bread was broken over the heads of young people seated next to each other. The ?-th bread of the groom was passed to the bride-to-be father, and the ?-th of the bride - to the groom's friend, the halves were tied with a ribbon and stacked on the table.


The wedding taking place in the church is a mysterious and extraordinarily beautiful ceremony. Before the face of God, standing under the crown, young people swear to be faithful both in sorrow and in joy.

Meeting of the young

The married newlyweds followed to the groom's house, where they were blessed by his parents. Along the way, the groom and his friend followed all the precautions: they read prayers, conspiracies, the friend removed all the stones along the way, which they could use witchcraft. After all, in ancient times they were sure that a wedding could easily be spoiled by an envious and evil person.

Modern matchmaking radically different from ancient traditions, although many people want to conduct matchmaking in accordance with all the rules. If you want matchmaking in our days to look like an old ritual, use our tips.

The modern ceremony of matchmaking requires preparation for the ceremony. Much depends on which country you are in. Now we will talk about the modern custom of matchmaking in the Russian style.

You should choose the expected day for the matchmaking, in our time they still believe in numbers and dates, so the old beliefs have remained relevant. On Wednesday and Friday, they don’t go to woo, and they don’t woo on the 13th of any month. The best days for matchmaking are magical dates: the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 9th of each month.

The modern ceremony of marriage does not include the preparation of special ceremonial items. Previously, a towel embroidered in a special way, special dishes were needed, the time and even the nature of the speeches and behavior of future relatives were clearly observed. During the matchmaking, the girl silently sat by the stove and raked out the ashes, with her back to the matchmakers.

Of course, today there is hardly a stove, and even more so ash, it would be much more appropriate if the girl is in her room.

The groom must certainly prepare two bouquets of flowers, the symbolism of which is better to know more precisely. So, a young girl is not given lush rich flowers, it is better to give a delicate orange blossom, white or pink roses. The mother of the bride should be given flowers that express honor, respect, admiration for beauty. The bouquet for the bride should be a little more luxurious than the bouquet for the mother, however, the difference should not be too contrasting so as not to offend the ladies. Modern traditions of matchmaking in general, they no longer include material conventions and restrictions, because the future expenses for the wedding more than pay for the preliminary meetings of relatives. But before the matchmaking, and even more so, the engagement took place with the same glamor and scope as the wedding itself, and sometimes the relatives of the newlyweds were much more expensive.

Matchmaking in our time - what to say and what to do?

The modern ceremony of matchmaking does not cancel the roles of the groom, matchmakers and relatives of the young. The groom comes to woo, therefore, the first word is given to the matchmakers from his side. If only a young man goes to woo, his task is to prepare a good speech that will be able to convince the bride's parents that they will get a worthy son-in-law.

Matchmaking is a request for a hand from the bride. Collusion - the next event in the cycle of wedding ceremonies - involves securing the consent of the bride's parents. Therefore, if the bride and groom want to observe all the rites, the task of the groom is not to convince his parents, but to show the goods with his face, that is, to praise himself, his beloved.

Matchmaking these days is good that the ceremony as a whole is simplified and looks fun and stress-free. It used to be that the groom who was wooing could be refused, or even put out the door, and then there was shame on the whole village. Today the groom goes to woo, already sure that he will be accepted, which means that you can have fun on this holiday. That is why the groom's speech can look both touching and playful.

Groom's words for modern matchmaking:

“Dear hosts, welcome a guest! I come to you on an important urgent matter: they say your daughter is growing, beautiful, what the world has never seen. Here, I hasten to inform you that I am a suitable groom for her, I am good in everything, everyone succeeded. I ask you to listen to me, I will tell you why you won’t find a groom better than me. ”

Parents invite the guy to the house, he gives flowers and continues to praise himself. How to do this in modern matchmaking - no one will ever say in advance. Much depends on the characters of people, on the existing relationships in the family. That is why professional matchmakers used to get down to business, who, being good psychologists, immediately figured out how best to conduct a conversation, what to embellish, what to ridicule, and what to ignore.

Therefore, if the groom came to the bride's house with matchmakers, it is they who begin the speech.

Here's what an antique-styled dialogue of matchmakers at matchmaking might look like in our time:

Matchmakers from the groom:

Parents on the bride's side:

“Well, then, come on in, stay a bit. Just tell me more seriously about the groom. Who is this, where did he come from, why did he immediately come to us. Maybe we don’t have a young girl, a young girl. ”

“Our fiancé is rich, to the envy of other guys. Enough for the house, does not miss his own. A black horse, stately, the groom himself is handsome. That's how combed, ironed, in a beautiful shirt dressed up "

Parents:

“Does he have a big palace? Or so, a hut and a plate of noodles?

“There is for four, it works for seven. He works regularly, lives alone, without a mother. Registered in the palace, two cars on the porch. Painted chambers, yes, hefty rich "

Parents:

"Well! Come on in, have a look at our young lady. Is it a sweet face? Blush or white? Braid to the waist, will not drop the hair. Will she like this, young and single?

“Yes, how can you not like it, but how, beauty! Yes, look for such suitors, you will not find, at least 100 times to go through. Young, healthy, and well-dressed. He breathes strength, does not drink, he will live a hundred years. And they will have healthy offspring. Agree quickly, the perfect groom!

In this spirit, the dialogue can be continued at your own discretion. You can also bargain, slightly belittling the dignity of the groom, all this is done in the modern traditions of matchmaking according to a predetermined scheme. The more playful auctions there are, the more fun this day will be.

It is important to remember that after the bridegroom was shown to the bride, the bridegroom’s matchmakers must tell the groom’s parents or the groom himself, depending on who was present at the ceremony, that everything was good and tasty, the treat was to their liking, the groom came to the court.

But now it’s worth checking how the groom lives, is everything okay, as the matchmakers said. Modern matchmaking customs often don't include this step, and it can be a lot of fun too. We will talk about how matchmaking takes place in the groom's house, the so-called bride, in our next article.

In the old days, matchmaking was performed in compliance with many signs.

It was believed that the better the matchmaking went, the more customs were observed, the happier and richer the family life of the young would be.

After all, the observance of traditions was not important in itself: it was regarded as a tribute to the ancestors, who could bring happiness to a young family, and avert trouble from it, and provide assistance in difficult times.

Customs and rules of conduct during matchmaking

A hundred years ago, matchmaking often stretched for a week. One day it happened wooing the bride, in the other bride, in the third - engagement (betrothal, conspiracy). And these are just the most important steps.

A few more rites took place between them: yard-gazing(when the bride's relatives look around the house and household of the groom's family) and sing, during which the bride is “drinked away” at a cheerful and noisy feast, after which neither party has the right to refuse marriage.

matchmaking

Usually, the upcoming arrival at the house of matchmakers for the relatives of the bride was not a surprise: they were informed about this in advance by the local matchmaker, a respectable and highly respected woman.

If the bride's relatives agreed to accept or at least listen to the offer, then a festive treat was prepared, the table was laid. The matchmakers who came were seated behind him, and a long conversation began, giving the two families the opportunity to have fun, compete in wit, and get to know each other better, while discussing important issues.

In some areas, it was customary for the bride to sit by the stove during the matchmaking, shoveling out the ashes from there. However, she had to do this extremely carefully: after all, she was wearing one of her best outfits.

In other villages, the bride could even express her attitude towards the matchmakers: if the girl started sweeping the floor from the threshold to the stove, she let it know that she was glad for the groom, but if from the stove to the threshold, it meant that she wanted the matchmakers to leave the house.

Often the bride was not shown at all during the matchmaking or they were allowed to go out to the guests only for a short time, saving the bride until the ceremony.

The bride's relatives treated the matchmakers, praising their daughter and telling what a mistress, hard worker and craftswoman she is. If the bride's family was rich and the girl was beautiful, then they might not have given final consent the first time.

In the Kuban, in Kursk and Voronezh, it was considered bad form and recognition of any shortcomings of a girl if the family agreed to marry her off at the first visit to the matchmakers. It was a good omen to make the matchmakers come an odd number of times: three or even five.

Smotriny

After the matchmaking, they appointed a day of viewing. The girl showed her skills, the groom's relatives carefully examined the dowry prepared by the bride: no matter how beautiful the loafer, unspun, netkaha was, they did not marry such.

During the show, the girl could change outfits up to three times. At the end of the show, after the young man returned to the hut, having previously discussed the girl’s dignity with her relatives, her mother presented him with a full mug of intoxicated honey. If a guy emptied her with one breath, then he confirmed his intention to marry, if he only sipped a little, this meant a refusal.

In the case when both parties were satisfied with each other, the day of agreement (betrothal) was appointed.

farsightedness

Previously, the bride's family could also pay a visit to the groom's family to evaluate the house and household. During the conspiracy, especially many symbolic rites were performed.

Before the betrothal, the bride in the company of her bridesmaids had to "mourn the scythe", that is, their girlish freedom. The expression “to mourn the scythe” has gone back to pre-Christian times, when, after the wedding, the young husband cut his wife’s scythe and gave it to the girl’s family as a sign of kinship.

Also, since pagan times, the tradition of a betrothed girl to cry sobbing has been preserved, rather than symbolically show the gods that she is not going away of her own will into a strange family - they are taken away by force.

sing

With the beginning of the conspiracy, the engaged guy and girl were seated together on a bearskin: this was supposed to contribute to the childbearing of the future family.

At the end of the evening, when the bride was already "drunk away", she cut the bread brought by the groom's family, and each of the guests had to eat at least a piece. Bread is holy, the oath taken on bread is inviolable, and from that moment on, no one could refuse the upcoming marriage without bringing inescapable shame on their heads.

As a sign of betrothal, the groom gave the bride some kind of jewelry (most often, earrings), and the girl had to present the whole family of the groom.

What should a bride give for matchmaking?

In the old days, it was customary for a girl to present the future mother-in-law and relatives of the groom with beautiful scarves or shawls, and the father-in-law and other relatives - cuts of linen for shirts.

Nowadays, choosing gifts for the future father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law, the bride gets an excellent opportunity to win the favor of new relatives, showing taste and tact.

Of course, not a single woman will refuse a beautiful silk scarf, as well as a man from a branded shirt, but you can come up with something more interesting.

It is better to ask the groom himself about the preferences of each of the future relatives.

However, men are not too attentive, and if the groom can still tell about the tastes of the male part of the family, then the preferences of his mother and sisters are often an unsolvable mystery for him.

So it makes sense to be creative. For example, if there are avid fishermen in the husband's family, some good spinning rod will be a very worthy gift. The new mobile phone is quite suitable for both men and women, especially the brother or sister of the groom.

You can give a future mother-in-law a good perfume. If she has any hobbies, for example, embroidery or floriculture, then a beautiful collector's edition on her favorite topic will surely attract her heart to the side of a caring daughter-in-law.

It is not necessary to give a gift to the groom for matchmaking, on this day it is worth paying attention to the rest of the family members of the future spouse.

Modern matchmaking by the bride. Tribute to customs

Nowadays, of course, the arrival of matchmakers is agreed in advance and are not going to refuse them. However, this is not a reason not to make matchmaking fun and memorable.

How to prepare for marriage?

The goal of matchmaking, from the point of view of the bride's family, is to make the most positive impression on the matchmakers. For this, a little preparatory work must be carried out:

Dowry

Oddly enough, even today in many families the dowry for their daughter has been collected for many years - these are bed linen, towels, various household utensils, dishes.

By the arrival of the matchmakers, it is advisable to pull out or prepare part of the dowry so that there is something to brag about.

Ideally, if among the towels and sheets there is, for example, a tablecloth embroidered by the future wife herself. Like centuries ago, this will make an indelible impression on the future mother-in-law.

treat

Of course, you can get to know each other in the best way only at the festive table. It is important that the dishes on the table are homemade., preferably branded.

The bride must definitely participate in the process of preparing the treat so that the matchmakers can appreciate her culinary skills.

Speech

Of course, the text on a piece of paper does not need to be written down. But the bride's relatives should know that their task is to praise the bride so that the groom's side has no doubts. Therefore, with the positive aspects of the personality of the future wife, which must be voiced to the matchmakers, it is better to decide in advance.

If the bride does not want her biography to be mentioned or her parents to show her baby photos where she sits on the potty, then it’s better too talk about these things in advance, and not then hiss across the table at mom and dad who got emotional.

Questions

Matchmaking is that rare moment when you can openly ask future relatives about plans for the future, about family traditions, or about attitudes towards bad habits.

At the same time, you can find out some details about the groom: find out about his attitude to the family, to children. It is quite possible that the bride herself did not bother to ask her young man about such prosaic things.

Therefore, in order to avoid confusion and not miss the moment, questions addressed to the groom and his parents, it is also better to think over in advance.

Our great-grandmothers at the time of the matchmaking had no right to leave their room at all, and if they did, they were obliged to respectfully remain silent. Now times have changed, and the bride herself can meet guests, but, as in ancient times, modesty and respect for elders will greatly adorn the future wife in the eyes of future relatives.

How to behave

  • At the time of the matchmaking, the bride is advised to be more silent, not to ask questions to the groom's parents, not to control the conversation at the table, not to make toasts. Marriageable girl - that's the perfect image.
  • Eat less and categorically do not drink alcohol. Instead, take care of filling guests' dishes, clean cutlery and napkins, and take away dirty dishes on time. In general, it's time show yourself as a caring hostess.
  • As much as possible respectfully talk to your parents, and not just to the parents of the groom. Do not interrupt them, do not interfere in the conversation.
  • Do not show affection for the groom, do not kiss him in front of his parents, even if the bride and groom have been living together for several years by the time of the matchmaking.
  • Don't brag and don't brag. This process must be properly organized so that everything necessary is said by relatives in the right way (see above).

How to look better

As for the appearance, then here you will have to follow the traditions. The bride should be dressed modestly, but tastefully.. This is especially important if the groom's parents see their son's future wife for the first time.

Any aggressive colors and shapes - whether it be a top with rhinestones or sharp false nails - are perceived by the older generation as a manifestation of vulgarity. At the same time, it is important to find the line between not looking too bright, and not seeming simple.

It is also better not to wear expensive and bulky jewelry, it is better to limit yourself to a ring or necklace donated by your future husband.

The dress or skirt must be no higher than the knee. The hairstyle is simple, the makeup is daytime, the manicure is preferably French.

How to prepare for meeting dear guests

If a real matchmaker participates in the matchmaking process, then for sure everything will be fun and interesting.

If the matchmaker is not provided, and the bride does not want the matchmaking to turn into an ordinary feast, she needs to think over various “homemade preparations” by the arrival of the matchmakers - jokes that, at the right time, can be passed off as successful impromptu.

It is good to involve relatives in inventing texts in order to distribute roles together and prepare skits, impromptu, praising the bride and her relatives.

By the end of the evening, the future wife can sing ditties about her chosen one, the purpose of which is to praise him in front of her parents. Surely, both parties will appreciate both such a step and the bride's sense of humor.

Having fun helps strangers get rid of their awkwardness and get to know each other better. The groom's parents praise their child, the girl's parents praise their blood. Although dowry chests are not relevant today, but demonstration of handmade crafts of the bride(embroideries, knitwear, appliqués) will not be superfluous at all.

In a word, a good, fun, smart and creative matchmaking is a wonderful prelude to the creation of a young family.