Find out what the guy is using. How to immediately understand that a man is using you: we bring the manipulator to clean water

07.08.2019

It's a pity, but in the modern world, not all men behave like knights, respecting and protecting the lady of their hearts. Do you spend fun evenings together and even wake up in the same bed? This does not mean that the relationship is serious, and the chosen one is really in love with you. Perhaps a man is indifferent to you or simply uses you to satisfy any personal needs. How to understand that a man does not love you? How to avoid manipulation by a partner? Read the article!

Constant lack of time to communicate with your woman

Does he value work too much, disappear for a week? Know that he has no feelings for you. If a man loves a woman, he will always find a couple of minutes for a call or at least a short message. And if his calls are a rarity, then you can not flatter yourself about your future relationship. What to do if a man does not love, but uses (in this case- your patience and meekness)? Decide for yourself once and for all whether you need such a relationship, and act!

He only needs one

Cases when men need sex from women, and nothing else, are not uncommon in the modern world. It is a pity that many representatives do not understand this. If a man does not love, but uses you, it can be seen immediately. When he is gentle, loving and sensitive only to intimacy, and after that he turns to the wall and does not want to talk about anything - this is not love. It is simple sexual attraction and passion. A loving person says pleasant things to his lady often, and a sexual manipulator - only at the moment of excitement, after satisfaction the object is no longer interesting to him.

How to understand that you are being used? Manipulative men usually do not think about the pleasure of the second half in bed. They only think about themselves, their discharge. These men want to be on top, but they use a standard set of learned tricks for this, without thinking whether a particular woman will like them.

Signs that a man does not love you: inattention to business

A man in love with a woman always strives to learn more about her, he is interested in what she lives with. He wants to know how the lady spent the day, how she is doing at work or school, what kind of music she likes, what movie she wants to watch. For a manipulator, such questions simply will not come to mind, he is not interested in either the past, present, or, unfortunately, the future life of his partner. If a man does not love, but uses you, he will not be sensitive to your mood swings and be interested in affairs and plans.

He doesn't use the word "we"

Does your partner not use the pronoun "we" when talking about your couple? You can immediately draw disappointing conclusions: he has no serious plans for a relationship. Such a person does not recognize you as a single entity. If the two of you went to the cinema together, he may say to a friend: “I went to the cinema yesterday.” He does not like talking about a joint future, even if not far off. Such a partner will not take pictures together with you and, most likely, will ask you not to upload joint pictures on social networks. Such signs only speak of a lack of love and affection from a partner.

He won't let you into his life

A man loves or uses a woman, it is easy to understand. All the signs mentioned above speak of dislike. However, there are other important "symptoms" that your partner is not interested in you. A man who does not let a woman into his life is simply using her. A person who avoids talking about himself does not like to invite a lady to visit him, does not introduce her to his parents and friends, and is unlikely to take her seriously. The main signs that a man does not love you are indicated in this article. Remember them forever, if you do not want to be a toy in someone's hands! There is also such a variety of men who take a girl in their company, but stay very distant. They do not kiss or hug their partner in front of friends and generally spend more time away from her.

Always pay attention to the male gaze. If a partner is interested in you, his eyes will give it away. A man in love looks straight in the face, not going down on a blouse, neckline or knees. Eyes fixed on the neckline will only speak of sexual interest. Eyes running around the room indicate a lack of interest in the interlocutor. If a man doesn't love you but takes advantage of you, he may even show signs of impatience (like tapping his fingers or rocking in a chair).

Psychology of the victim

Why do some women seem to attract manipulative men to them? The fact is that a person is responsible for everything that happens to him (although he may not even be aware of it). The state of the victim is a psychological internal state, it literally attracts all kinds of lovers of easy money of a material, sexual and other nature. If someone uses you, it means that you yourself allow such situations. What could be the reasons for such an internal state?

Disrespect for self.
various complexes.
The desire to hurt yourself, to punish with the help of strangers.

It is very likely that this explanation did not please you, but it answers the question of why you were chosen to be the "victim". How can a woman be used?

Love manipulation. Very often, an insecure lady agrees to "supporting roles", that is, she simply becomes the mistress of a married man. While it seems that you are not worthy of a better option, a man will use you to satisfy physiological needs.
Professional use. For a woman who does not believe in her strength and talent, in a working environment, colleagues will try to throw off a large part of their work. Also, cunning colleagues can appropriate your ideas, curry favor with superiors, while at the same time convincing you of absolute professional unsuitability.
"Friendly communication. Very often, an insecure woman acquires a manipulative friend who knows which buttons to press and will quickly win over the “victim”. A woman, listening to false compliments, and pleased with admiration in her direction, is ready to do anything for her “best friend”. Than the latter and enjoys with great pleasure.

Adverse signs

If you feel like you're being taken advantage of, but you can't be 100% sure, listen for these warning signs.

Assumptions of relatives and close people that they do not love you at all, but simply use them. At first, such conversations in the “victim” cause only rejection and anger.
Relationship analysis shows that you give much more than you receive.

Think for a few days in a calm atmosphere over the question posed, and then, on the contrary, try to distract yourself and forget about it. The right conclusion will come by itself.

How not to be used?

Often a woman is not able to quickly deal with such a question: “Does a man love or use?”. How to understand what a partner really feels, we described in detail in the article above. How can such situations be prevented? Know your worth! And we are talking not only about love, but also about professional, material plans. Have clearly set hard work on self-confidence, and then no manipulator will simply be able to break into your life and ruin it.

Don't settle for a relationship you don't want just because at the moment it's stories like this that lead to manipulation and sad outcomes.

Do you understand that a man does not love you, but simply uses you? Rather part with him, because the pain of separation will last much less than the bitterness of humiliation, unfulfilled hopes and annoyance!

There is no more burning question in the life of women than "Does she love or does not love?". It would seem that he gave flowers, took me to the cinema, hugged and affectionately called. But is it love? Is it worth believing everything said, promised and done by a man? How to understand that a man does not experience warm feelings, but only pursues any specific goals?

1. He refers to being busy

If a man refuses you help and attention for a long period of time, referring to the fact that he is catastrophically busy and has no time, most likely he does not love you. A loving man will always carve out a couple of hours for his half.

2. He puts you second.

No matter how workaholic, careerist and soul of the company a man is, his beloved will always come first. If this is not the case in your situation, it is worth considering: does he love?

3. He constantly picks on

At first, he does not like how and what you cook, then he begins to teach you life, communication with others. He does not like the way you dress and make up, he is annoyed by your work and your abnormal, in his words, girlfriends. Familiar? Such a person is unlikely to experience true feelings.

4. He cares more about his problems

Your favorite pet got sick, the faucet leaked, your phone broke? You are waiting for help from a loved one, and in response you hear “this does not concern me”, “I did it myself - and rake it myself”. The answer is obvious: the man simply does not love you.

5. He is not jealous

A truly loving man a priori cannot be indifferent. Jealousy (within reason) is a component of love. Therefore, you should not trust the feelings of a man who is absolutely not interested in where you were last night and with whom you chat for hours on the phone.

6. He keeps meeting women.

A serious person absolutely does not need regular acquaintances with the opposite sex, unless, of course, they are related to work. A loving man simply will not bother his beloved with ambiguous correspondence on social networks and regular meetings with "old girlfriends".

7. He refuses intimacy

A loving man, no matter how tired he may be, will not neglect intimacy with his soul mate, unless, of course, he has problems in the male part. Therefore, you should not blindly believe such a man who is ready to share a bed with you once or twice a month.

8. He doesn't do nice things.

A man who experiences really deep feelings will certainly please the object of his love with pleasant little things. These don't have to be precious gifts. Attention, words of love, help in household chores, concessions - all these things indicate that a man loves. An indifferent man will consider these little amenities sheer stupidity.

9. He doesn't listen to you.

A man inspired by love always listens to his beloved with genuine interest. You will tell him for the fifth time about how fun you had yesterday, and he will pretend that he is interested. But a man who does not love is more likely to interrupt you in mid-sentence and emphasize that he is already tired of your meaningless and endlessly repeating stories.

10. He saves on you

A man in love, even if he is a born miser, will try to please his beloved with pleasant little things. He does not mind spending money on a woman if he feels that this purchase is really important for her.

Unfortunately, we are not always able to immediately see the true face of a man. Therefore, dear women, be careful when choosing a life partner. Status and wealth are trifles. True love costs much more!

I tend to trust people and see only the best in them, but it is no secret to me that some representatives of humanity are expanding their toolbox to achieve what they want through the use of other people. Being used is unpleasant, to say the least. It is even more frustrating to spend long months or even years giving something to a person, and then find out that you have been wrong about him all this time. Today I will try to explain how not to fall for the dishonest bait, understand in time that you are being used and save your resources.

Psychology of the victim

As you already know, a person is responsible for everything that happens to him, whether he realizes it or not. Why are some people used and others not? Because victim state- internal, it attracts all kinds of lovers of easy money of a material, sexual or psychological nature. If you are being used, then you allow it. The reason may be an underestimated and lack, a subconscious desire to punish yourself, which is realized by other people who, roughly speaking, “have” you.

It is likely that you did not like this explanation, but it is the only one that explains why people choose you as a victim. Being exploited for naivety is only possible at a young age (or later, if you grew up in very prosperous conditions), and, as a rule, this experience quickly deprives naivety and rose-colored glasses. To reiterate, the main reason why you are being taken advantage of is low self-esteem, and here are concrete examples of how other people can play on this:

If you underestimate yourself, then you don’t believe that you are worthy of the most beautiful, complete relationship, and therefore you can agree, for example, to the role of a married man’s mistress - it just seems to you that you don’t deserve better, while a man uses you for his sexually - emotional goals.
For men, a similar situation is also true (and very relevant) - not realizing that he deserves to be loved simply because he is who he is, a man may try to “buy” love for himself with expensive gifts, trips abroad, etc. For mercantile girls, a man with low self-esteem and a high level of well-being is just a gift.
If you don’t have enough confidence in yourself professionally, smart colleagues can use your talents, hard work and complexes to their advantage, dumping some of their duties on you, appropriate your ideas, while maintaining your conviction that you do not deserve recognition and promotion.
A real friend will never use you, but selfish "friends" are quite capable of this. The easiest way to “sit on the neck” of a person with low self-esteem is flattery and admiration. Inspired by the feeling that he was seen, he will be ready to do anything for the “friend”.

How not to be used

First of all, know your worth in professional, romantic and social aspects. To do this, it is very good to have a clear - what you want to achieve - and an understanding that you can do it. Work on it, as soon as it increases, those who want to use you for their own purposes will leave your life in search of other victims. Don't settle for things that are beneath your dignity, like if you're not in a relationship right now, she needs to "hang out" with someone who doesn't fit your criteria. This is a direct road to being used emotionally and financially.

If you are in a situation where you are not sure whether you are being used or not, then the faster you get an answer, the less you will lose strength, nerves and, possibly, other resources. How to understand that you are being used?

The first clues that most people ignore are the assumptions of your family and friends that someone is taking advantage of you. When it comes to, such assumptions cause resentment and anger, a desire to protect your loved one. However, if you have repeatedly received such comments, it is worth thinking and trying to look at the situation from the side, detachedly, to see how things are. A strong desire to find out the truth can also help you with this.
Analyze the current situation based on the facts. Write down in two columns the facts that speak in favor of the fact that the person is using you and those that say the opposite.
As selfish as it sounds, also analyze whether the exchange is equivalent in your situation (in a love relationship this will not be easy to do) - you may find that you are giving much more than you are receiving.
After completing the first three points, try to forget about the need to make a decision for a couple of days, get distracted by something else. These two days are needed in order not to make hasty decisions that you may regret.
Return to the situation after the break and, with a very high probability, everything will become clear to you. No matter how much you want to deceive yourself, if you are really being used, your subconscious mind (inner voice) will not let you ignore the truth.

Hardest of all keep trusting people if you have already been used once. Look for a middle ground between naivety and cynicism that will keep you from being taken advantage of, but will also not close your heart and life to those who try to come with good intentions.

Sometimes friends are direct about their intentions, but sometimes they use you on purpose. There are ways to determine if you are being used and if it is time to get rid of such a friend.

Steps

Assessing a friend's behavior

Pay attention to whether a person remembers you only when he needs something. If he talks to you or spends time only when he needs help or advice, if it is always about his desires, most likely you are being used.

Does your "friend" call you to find out how your day was? Or does he only show up when he needs something? For example, he asks to take him to the store, borrow cigarettes or shelter for the night. If so, then you are a human lifeline that is needed only in moments of need.
Notice if this behavior is permanent. After all, helping friends is part of a friendship. Sometimes people have black bars when they need support. If this happens all the time or this is the only reason for your communication, most likely you are being used.

Consider whether you can trust this friend. A true friend will never give away your secrets, especially if it could harm you. To assess the level of trust in a person, remember if there were times when he gave out personal information about you, especially for selfish motives. If yes, then you are probably being used.
- Think about this person's relationship with his other friends. Did he betray their trust or use them? If yes, then this is a signal that you too can be used.
Consider if your friend is ignoring you. How often does this person invite you to any social events? A friend who does not seek profit in your communication will always be friendly and will invite you everywhere, especially in the company of mutual acquaintances.
- Remember that friends don't have to invite you to every event they attend. However, if a friend never calls you anywhere, but appears only when he needs help, most likely he is using you.
- If a friend mentioned an event with mutual friends that you weren't invited to, ask if you could go too. Pay attention to the feedback. If there's no logical reason why you can't go, or if a friend comes up with lame excuses, chances are you're just being used.
- An example of a justified logical explanation: your friends are going out of town, but there is no room for you in the car.
Follow your friend's activities. Actions speak louder than words. If a person always says that he is "owed" but never does anything in return, he is probably using you.
- Here is an example where your friend can use you: you took a friend somewhere a couple of times to distract from sad thoughts. He promises a favor in return, but never delivers and keeps complaining about his problems. If this continues indefinitely, then you are being used.
- Ask yourself: Is your friend grateful? Does he appreciate your help? If yes, he is probably not using you, but really needs friendly help. If it seems that this person does not care about your support, this may be a sign that you are being used.
Pay attention to guilt games. If your friend often manipulates you, trying to make you feel guilty and make you do something that you do not want, then most likely he is using you.

Consider if your friend has a control streak. If your friend is trying to command you and tell you what to do, especially to please himself and his friends, most likely he is using you.

Trust your instincts. If it seems to you that your friend is insincere, and you experience this feeling all the time, then most likely you are right. To make sure, directly ask the person whether he really feels what he is saying.

Be prepared to end the relationship if you feel like you've been taken advantage of and there's nothing you can do to continue the friendship. Explain why you can't be friends and stop talking. Do not be convinced that he will change, especially if you have already given this person a chance, and not one. He will continue to use you if you allow him to come back into your life.

Look your friend straight in the eye while talking.
Don't joke while talking. Your friend should understand that you are serious.
Pay attention to classic manipulation signals, such as playing on guilt or blame.
Before blaming a person, make sure that the problem really exists and that you are not making a big deal out of molehills.
Consider if you are a "vest" for comfort, and are only needed when a person wants to talk about their problems. You can understand this if you always listen to a friend and give a lot of advice, and when you yourself want to speak, he changes the subject or does not express interest. He may even directly state that he doesn’t care and doesn’t care about your feelings. This is a sign of a lack of understanding that can turn into emotional abuse in the long run.
Some friends selectively listen to problems. They will not ignore your problems, they will simply ignore what does not interest them. The topic of conversation should be about them or captivate them, and then they deign to answer. Sometimes they don't listen or interrupt.
Check calls from this person. He will not call when you leave for another city. At least not very often. This means that you were treated as a source of entertainment, and now there is no need to manage how you are doing.
If you tried to discuss everything, and the person completely turned the situation against you, this is a signal of betrayal. If you feel compelled to make excuses and a friend only accuses you and plays the victim, be careful with that person.
If you have doubts, look for an outside opinion! You can ask a close friend, family member, or friend of the person. This will help you understand if you are exaggerating or, conversely, underestimating the situation.

Warnings

If you're not sure if a friend is using you, wait a bit, ask other people's opinions, and don't start the conversation right now, because you might be wrong. False accusations can ruin a friendship.
If a person disagrees with your accusations because they think they are better than you think, don't let them see you upset. He will "feed" on it, pretend he doesn't care, or laugh at you.
Pay attention to whether most of the "jokes" addressed to you are mockery in disguise. Some fake friends may not only take advantage of you, but also suppress your self-esteem in order to feel superior. If you are being rudely and insultingly joked about, you should talk about it.
Check to see if you are being treated with disrespect. If a person always speaks badly of people you love, takes advantage of you, manipulates you, acts too infantile, or doesn't change after apologizing, it's time to get rid of him.
Don't bring another friend with you or the charges might be too harsh. Make sure the conversation is one-to-one and that you are comfortable.
Pay attention to the so-called friend who "forgets" what you talked about or what you did in the past, which served as the main bond of your relationship. Selective memory serves his purposes, but certainly not yours. Don't let this person manipulate you.