Arab boys. About relationships and Arab men

As in any country, there are quite a few traditions in the United Arab Emirates. But people are used to writing and inventing a lot, and much of the traditions and way of life in the UAE is just a myth.

So, we have studied the traditions and way of life of Arab families.

Here is how Arab men and women live:

Family comes first in the UAE. Arab men respect the Arab woman, who is the guardian of the family hearth. It is believed that the more children in the family, the happier it is.

Acquaintance

The decision to marry is made primarily by the groom's family. The rights of women in Muslim countries are equivalent to men's, so the potential bride has the right to refuse the proposal if she does not like the groom.

Arab women almost never marry Europeans; for marrying an infidel, she will simply be kicked out of the country forever. Men from the UAE sometimes marry girls from Europe, but even here everything is built in such a way that marriage does not benefit anyone except the man. For a woman, this marriage will not become a pass for obtaining citizenship, if family life does not work out, the children will be taken away and left in the country.

If for European newlyweds a marriage contract has only recently become a trend, then for Arab countries such an agreement is an indispensable element of a wedding. The marriage contract is signed instead of the bride by her two relatives.

The very same wedding celebration after the signing can take place within a year, before that the groom can see his future wife only in the presence of her relatives. For the bride, the groom's family pays a dowry, which can reach several hundred thousand dollars, so giving birth to girls is profitable.

An Arab wedding is a truly grandiose spectacle. The table is bursting with treats, which are constantly updated in order to show the guests their hospitality and abundance. Since Islam forbids alcohol, there is nothing stronger than coffee on the festive table. But this does not prohibit walking the wedding up to seven days.

According to the law, even if the wife is the second, third or fourth, each has her own separate house, generous maintenance, and the share of attention should be equal to each of the “beloved” women.

Today, not every Arab can afford polygamy. Although Islam allows up to four wives, main reason monogamy is the lack of funds to maintain a harem. Therefore, the classic UAE family, consisting of one husband, several wives and a harem, is the privilege of sheikhs and wealthy people.

Family life

The opinion about discrimination against Arab women is, in fact, somewhat exaggerated. In any Arab family, a woman must obey her husband, but she always takes part in solving important issues.

The fact that married women in the Emirates live like in a prison is a myth.

Yes, they are almost invisible on the street. And they leave the house in black.

In fact, a married woman can wear whatever she wants: a miniskirt, jeans, and shorts (they are big fashionistas, they can spend hours in stores choosing ultra-modern outfits and fabrics), but on top she must wear a black silk cape until heels, and cover his face with a black handkerchief. Only fingers, feet and eyes are visible. And then, black capes are rare. Today on the streets you can see an Arab woman in jeans and a tunic, but the only thing that is still adhered to is a head covering. Here's someone you rarely see, so it's a woman without a scarf on her head.

Older women cover their faces with a copper mask. The young, of course, are more liberated, but all the beauty is for the husband.

It is a myth that Arab women do not receive education.

They receive quite a decent education, the best universities in the world are open to them, but education remains unclaimed. Having married, the girl can no longer work: either she is forbidden, or she does not want to herself, tired of frequent pregnancies and childbirth. Although, of course, young people are more progressive in this regard. And many girls, having received education in Europe, stay there to make a career. Arab families living outside the Muslim world seldom seriously adhere to centuries-old traditions.

Once an Arab husband could at any time say to his wife: “Talak, talak, talak” - (leave), and this meant that he was divorcing her, and she had to immediately get out of his house, taking with her only what what she was wearing. Therefore, women, just in case, wore all their gold on themselves. That is now, of course, in the past.

But women still carry kilos of gold. So, the sheikh's daughter at the wedding was decorated with 16 kilograms of gold. Newspapers described each piece of jewelry in detail and published photographs showing the exact price. And men give gold instead of flowers. The more the gift weighs, the stronger the love. According to a local saying, “a woman without gold is naked”.

And for those who are worried about the "oppression" of Arab wives by Muslim husbands, you can say: a woman in the UAE can file for divorce in two cases.

1) If there is a fact of infidelity on the part of the spouse. But this article is obviously "dead", because. Polygamy is legal in the UAE. And if the husband did sin, the wife prefers to keep quiet. No one will marry such a “scandalist” again, and gossip will haunt her all her life. Again, children in a divorce stay with their father.

"Generators of unusual ideas", "masters of the family nest" and "desperate friends" - it's all about them, the Arabs. They are also spoiled, boastful and unpredictable. Personal experience of a girl, but not a wife.

Oksana L. has been dating a resident of Jordan for four years, who came to Kyiv to study and earn money, and tells how she and her friend manage to combine such different views of East and West.

About friendship and personal boundaries

We have guests at home all the time. At any moment, a friend or just an acquaintance can call and come to our house in the middle of the night.

Naturally, as a woman, I need to set the table and make sure that everyone is full and satisfied. Sometimes the house resembles some kind of Arab camp, and not a family nest.

If a friend needs help, they are ready to rush to him in the middle of the night.

They are always ready to help out a friend, come where you need to, pick up, lend money.

Friends are not jealous. My friend is very jealous, but this applies only to our Slavic guys and men, although I do not give a reason. He trusts his own. In any case, his friends, understanding who we are for each other, never allowed themselves even harmless flirting.

About work

They prefer conversations to deeds - long conversations over hookahs. These are real philosophers who are ready to reason and plan for hours. Although this time could be spent on constructive actions than on chatter, most of which will be forgotten the very next day. Oriental men have such a problem: their conversations often diverge from their actions. They promise a lot, and they themselves sincerely believe in what they say. Plans can change dramatically or mood, or something else, and promises will remain just words.

Arab men should be encouraged - this is how they get inspired and are ready to move mountains for the sake of the family. This applies in particular to work. It is important for them to feel that a woman believes in their strengths and capabilities.

Generators of unusual ideas. For four years of acquaintance with my man, what kind of business he did not start. Cafes, transportation from Ukraine of dogs and birds that are in demand in his homeland in Jordan, processing of semi-precious stones, etc. But none of the ideas were completed. He did not initially calculate the risks, he acted on the basis of momentary desires, excitement and emotions.

Many do not value parental money. Young people live, revel at the expense of their parents, and do not know the value of money earned not by their own labor.

Attitude towards women

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Most Arabs are spoiled by their mother's attention, love to be taken care of, and are often selfish. They like to surround themselves with everything beautiful, avid fashionistas. They love to dress up: stylish clothes, shoes, an abundance of rings and bracelets. Favorite clients of barbershops: a stylish beard, gel-styled hair, expensive perfumes.

They love to educate, and if they fail, they can use force. They push morally. Very irascible. Any little thing can piss them off. At the same time, their woman should admire them.

They love to brag about their woman in front of friends - they tell what kind of hostess she is, caring and skillful in all trades. It is important for them that others admire their woman, and therefore they automatically.

It is difficult for our men to offer to live together - they are afraid for their freedom. Arab men, on the contrary, want the girl they like to be constantly in their mind. At home, side by side. They are ready to protect and take care of her, although they demand a lot in return.

Very generous. If there is an opportunity, they give gifts to a woman, they love wide gestures, absolutely not stingy.

They value independence in our women, the fact that a woman herself can take care of herself, earn money and does not depend on a man as much as possible. In his homeland, women mostly stay at home and do housework.

There is a minus. Monogamy is not for Eastern men. How many times had to watch how the family of Arab men go after our girls. When the wife calls, they drop the call or do not pick up the phone. And when they call back, they sing like a nightingale, as they love and elegantly lie, why they couldn’t answer. Treason for them as such is not considered. This is the norm of the life of an oriental man.

About life

My friend will definitely not eat borscht for three days in a row, although he loves my borscht very much. Arab men are very demanding and capricious in everyday life, like children and often dependent. If we talk about my man, he himself can clean and cook even better than me. But it is important for him to see that they care about him, do something for him.

I'm used to Russian cuisine, but my love for hummus and flatbread remains unchanged.

He loves cleanliness, but not to the point of fanaticism. He understands that we both work hard and come home very late, so cleaning and cooking at night is not always physically strong enough.

About children and family

My man is ready to lisp with every child, but I'm not sure that he will get up in the middle of the night for his own. This is the duty of the wife. And a man pampers his child and pays attention to him during short games. All other charms of education fall on the shoulders of a woman.

In a marriage with a Christian, there is no choice which religion their joint child will choose - he is a priori born a Muslim. Especially when it comes to a boy.

My man's parents are wealthy and ready to support him, but he, having matured, when the young fuse had passed and partying with friends was no longer a priority, he wanted to prove to his family that he himself could get on his feet.

A negative attitude towards alcohol persists - despite the love for discos (already in the past) and smoking hookah (this is part of the traditions). Does not respect when a woman drinks even in companies.

About future

After living with an Arab man, it is strange to see how our women treat Russian husbands. It is wild to see sometimes a disrespectful attitude and a desire to be at the head. I have changed my views on what a woman should be in a relationship with any man.

I don’t know where these relationships will lead - Russian girls are more freedom-loving, ambitious and active. Completely dependent on her husband ... I would not want to.

But Arab men are like sweet nectar. You can’t get drunk, but when you drink it becomes too cloying that you want plain water. But after the nectar, it seems tasteless. I’m like a tightrope walker halfway: I can’t go back, and ahead is the unknown ...

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A lot of different romantic, dirty, encouraging and killing any hope for a prosperous relationship was written about the relationship between our compatriots and the Middle Eastern "macho". But where is the truth? I hope my experience will help you avoid "bumps" and even find a husband.

It all started with the fact that, having got a new job, I was forced to communicate daily with foreign students. It turned out that it is quite possible to meet the "son of the desert" in your own city, they come to us in hundreds to study, and many are even going to stay here forever.

From the very beginning, relations with the Arabs "did not work out", and soon developed into a confrontation (I "insisted on the rules", I was rude or ignored). At some point, she simply could not stand it and, having fallen for another "Arab" girl, she decided to change something.

First of all, I asked the “eyewitnesses” - several acquaintances and a relative (who has been living in Jordan for 12 years), re-read a lot of articles (reviews of women and articles “by order of marriage agencies”), chapters from the Koran on women (in Russian - Porohovshchikov’s translation).

Here's what I dug up. Actually, let's start with the Koran and "close" literature.
- a man is strictly forbidden to raise his voice (especially to a woman), conflicts and scandals should be avoided;
- he keeps order in the family and the morality of his wife and daughters;
- he is allowed to beat his wife, but as soon as she repented, assault is prohibited;
- it is allowed to lie to the wife in order to calm her down, etc.

As for reality, we get the following:

1) Arabs are really optional and not punctual.
And this applies even to the Slavs who have lived in the Middle East for a long time - the influence of the environment is undeniable. The exceptions are: the danger of losing money or the right person (true in business, but rarely with women), as well as an innate sense of responsibility, which is very rare.

Thus, if you are punctual, look for a German or a British. If you are loyal to being late or like to adhere to the principle that “a girl should not come first” - make dates in a cafe (you don’t have to stand in the cold). If an Arab man is late, do not arrange "scene" - it will not help.

2) Arab men, like men in general, are neither puritans nor monogamists. The exceptions are sincere believers (who dream of paradise with virgins) and innately faithful people, and there are only a few of them. about polygamy in Muslim marriage.

Getting into our society of "naked bodies", the average Arab for the first time is in a state of "permanent erection" - in the literal and figurative sense of the word.

When the first euphoria passes, 3 main groups are formed:
1st - 25% - lead a wild life (alcoholism and venous diseases are not uncommon);
2nd - 60% - find one girl or immerse themselves in studies "with their heads" (no time);
3rd - 15% - wear a beard, pray 5 times a day and sincerely want to meet an innocent Muslim woman.

At the same time, about half of the guys have brides at home. If you need it, look for guys from the 2nd group, stay away from the 1st, and the 3rd is only for those who are ready to sincerely accept Islam.

3) Arab men really value innocence. It is by nature that every man dreams of being your first man, whether he is an Arab, an American or a Russian… But the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ONLY A VIRGIN HAS THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR A VIRGIN IN WIFE. Therefore, an Arab man will look at your behavior, knowing full well that you are not "innocent".

Which means:
- the longer you “don’t give”, the “more valuable” you will be;
- choose your clothes more carefully when you go for a walk together, and even more so when you go without him. I'm not talking about the veil, but the belt skirt will have to be abandoned;
- try to unobtrusively find out if there are divorced (remarried) relatives and polygamists in the family, whether women wear headscarves (or black hoodies to the floor);
- Pay close attention to his behavior. Both jealousy and open demonstration to your friends should alert you. If he is aggressive, strives to "lace up" you from head to toe - run away as quickly as possible;
- about hymenoplasty - the restoration of virginity. If your reputation is perfect, you can go for the "big scam". But then "sex only after the wedding" - once to play, then to the end. Do you really need a "pig in a poke"? Remember: Your innocence DOES NOT GUARANTEE his love of respect. If you are sure - 200 bucks and go. Just do not forget to check for all possible infections and pregnancy before surgery (!).

4) Being a girl and a wife are two more differences. In this sense, I observed real examples three times. With a girl they go to cafes and cinemas, go out of town to barbecue, and the wife sits at home, takes care of her husband and children, she is provided financially, they give completely different gifts than the girl.

As for gifts, some of our men also have this approach, who believe that a new wardrobe or kitchen furniture is a suitable gift for a wife, and diamond earrings for a mistress.

The wife is controlled (to a greater or lesser extent) in matters of dress, occupation, choice of work, and girlfriends. Often our girls prefer to be "girls" rather than wives. Everyone chooses "on their own".

5) The best wife for an Eastern man - .. Good wives for Muslims are calm, complaisant, family-oriented women. A Middle Eastern man is used to such women, such was his mother. Of course, they appreciate our beauty, education, sincerity, but still remain "children of their parents."

6) Not all residents of eastern countries, for example, the Arab Emirates, are princes and oil magnates. Just like in our country, there are families who live in beautiful modern houses with expensive furniture and appliances, while at the same time there are enough men who do not have a penny for their souls.

After spending quite a lot of time on this "research", I became convinced that Comrade Sukhov was right: "The East is a delicate matter." Therefore, I had to reconsider the style of clothing and behavior, become softer and more tolerant, and - lo and behold: they began to invite me to the cinema and cafes (I could not refuse all the invitations - it’s a sin), and “Middle Eastern peace” reigned at work.

Eugene specially for the site site.

January 26, 2011

I confess that I have always been interested in Muslim culture and, of course, I wondered: what is he, an oriental man? Of course, each of us in this sense has a certain opinion, in some ways positive, but in some ways not. Many, at the words "oriental man" immediately begin to imagine harems and unfortunate women in veils. I had a chance to talk with a doctor, a teacher at our university, Belal Abu Azab, and try to find out what is true and what is fiction. He spoke frankly about whether it is possible for Arab men to marry for love, whether they practice polygamy, what a woman in a family has the right to, why a dowry is needed and why he himself married only after 30 years.

An eighteen-year-old Arab youth arrived in Petrozavodsk on October 1, 1992 and has been living here ever since. His path is unique, complex, and, I hope, interesting.

Start

Belal is from Palestine. His father taught languages ​​in Gaza City, at Al-Azhar University, but once dreamed of becoming a doctor. Therefore, when dad said to his eldest son: “You will be a doctor,” this was not discussed. Moreover, the word of the father in a Muslim family is the law.

Initially, it was assumed that Belal would study in Germany, but at that time there was a war in Iraq and the borders of European countries for immigrants from the Middle East were closed. But the USSR accepted everyone.

First, Belal came to Kazakhstan, then he studied in Ukraine, in Krivoy Rog, then in the Crimea, in Simferopol, but the five-year medical education there ... was not recognized in his homeland! Studying and living in the capital were more expensive than in the periphery, and then he chose Petrozavodsk State University.

Belal forever remembered that Karelia met him ... with the first and rather early snow for October. In addition, in the 90s the country was going through difficult times. He lived in a hostel, like all students; True, in the last three courses I rented an apartment with a friend.

The climate, customs, people - everything was unusual and new. When asked if he wanted to return, Belal replied:

There was no talk about it. We were sent as soldiers to war. Father said: come back only with a diploma. I couldn't break his hopes.

And then he adds that the family is a fortress and a stronghold: they always supported him and helped him in any way they could.

Family

Belal has six brothers and two sisters. By the way, four brothers are doctors. He keeps in touch with everyone. She immensely respects, honors and loves her father and talks to her mother at least once a week, because the mother in Islamic culture is the most important woman.

Our family has always been very friendly, says Belal. - My brothers and I never quarreled or fought. We were brought up like this: everyone is for each other.

Marriage

Belal thought about this after thirty. Why not before? The answer is simple: according to Muslim customs, a man is obliged to provide for his family, and until now he was still studying. He met his future wife Xenia at a party. Then she was twenty years old.

I immediately decided to woo her, - says Belal. - Why hesitate if you are sure that this is your destiny? In addition, extramarital relations are prohibited in Islam. The only obstacle to the wedding could be the disagreement of the parents on both sides, but, fortunately, there were no problems.

About his wife, Belal speaks with sincere love and infinite respect. He admires her education (Ksenia knows English, Finnish, German and even... Arabic!) and how well she cooks.

The Eastern man claims that the opinion that the wife of a Muslim is an oppressed and disenfranchised being is a myth.

And here, and in my homeland, a woman can work or stay at home - at will. All the money that she earns belongs to her, she is free to dispose of them as she pleases. And if she works, the husband is obliged to help her around the house, and not "demand dinner."

At home, Ksenia wears national Arabic dresses with pleasure. By the way, the colors of the women's outfits of Belal's homeland are black and red. In principle, embroidery can be any, but the background must be black.

Weddings and polygamy

An Arab wedding is an expensive affair, and all expenses are borne by the groom's family. I saw the wedding photos of Belal's niece. This is some kind of fairy tale with an oriental princess, everything is so positive and bright!

And if earlier marriage was entered into by agreement, now it is mainly for love. Young people do not have to talk: barely noticeable movements, fleeting glances - everything becomes clear, and the guy asks his parents to send matchmakers.

Kalym is not buying a bride, says Belal. - This money belongs to the woman, and they will support her in case of divorce.

It turns out that divorce is now possible, and even at the initiative of the weaker half.

And what about the notorious polygamy? According to Balal, it is a thing of the past. The main reason for polygamy in his homeland was the war. Men were dying, and there were many more women in the country. Another reason to take a second wife is childlessness. But even in this case, the consent of the first spouse is required. In general, according to Belal, children should be born only in a legal marriage, and not somewhere on the side. Otherwise, how to understand whose they are?

About children

Belal and Xenia have three children: two daughters and a son. The son is named Suleiman, in honor of his grandfather. Belal explained why it is so important for a Muslim to have sons.

Firstly, the son is the bearer of the generic name, which he will pass on to his children. Secondly, he is the protector of his sisters until they get married. And even then he can and is even obliged to intervene if, say, a sister complains about her husband.

As for the future of his children in terms of marriage, Belal says that the son is free to marry a girl of any religion where there are prophets: for example, a Christian or a Jew. With daughters, it’s different: they will become Muslim wives so that the family does not lose the Islamic faith. In this case, religion does not give concessions.

Food

During his bachelor's time, Belal cooked for himself, and mostly Arabic dishes. In his homeland, guys do not cook (kitchen is considered a purely feminine affair). Mom, having learned that her son was going to study, said to Belal: “Then get up to the stove!” And taught him how to cook.

Now the family is trying to eat food prepared in accordance with Muslim standards (halal). First of all, it concerns meat. Belal buys it from Karelian Muslims who keep cattle. Until now, she prefers national dishes, such as pilaf, couscous, fish in Arabic (cooked in the oven and certainly sea).

From Russian cuisine, Belal really likes salads, especially Olivier (it turns out that they don’t know what mayonnaise is in his homeland), herring under a fur coat, salted red fish, borscht. Black bread is eaten only when "when it is impossible not to eat it - for example, with sprats," and so he buys pita bread. He loves mushrooms and always stocks them in the fall.

Belal observes the thirty-day Muslim fast of Ramadan and gradually accustoms her eldest daughter to this. Alcohol in the family, of course, is prohibited.

Hobbies

Belal is interested in everything related to space: he has reviewed all feature and popular science films since the 60s and read a mountain of books. He is also interested in biology. Of the active activities, he loves "mushroom hunting" and fishing, which he goes with his father-in-law.

What I couldn't deal with

Of course, there is such a thing. For example, Belal cannot understand how people in Russia can abandon their children or be disrespectful to the elderly. He is also depressing by the lack of rigor in the upbringing of adolescents, when some of them start drinking and smoking while still at school: “After all, this is the future of the nation, the country.” He does not like the aggravated manifestation of nationalism, harsh statements against other peoples.

The worst thing that can happen in life is war. There are no winners and losers in any war, because in any case, both sides lose the most valuable thing - human lives.

About Russians

It seems to Balal that, in their benevolence and openness, Russians are closer to the East than to the West. So, in Germany, where he lived at one time, colleagues, meeting on the street, can pretend that they are unfamiliar and not even say hello. In general, people there are kept very closed.

Contrary to expectations, I did not hear from Belal a word of condemnation of such a common Russian habit as drunkenness. He believes that, as a rule, people do not drink from a good life.

Of course, upon arrival in Russia, such things were amazing. Belal recalls with a laugh that when, in his student years, a tipsy dormitory neighbor was going to visit the room where he lived with Arab friends, they were so scared that they barricaded the door with a refrigerator!

Belal notes that, while living in Petrozavodsk, he rarely encountered a negative attitude towards himself as a representative of a different nationality. He believes that his excellent knowledge of the Russian language also played a significant role in this.

How did you learn the language

It was not easy, although Arabs have an innate ability to learn languages! Belal recalls. - Russian is generally incredibly complex, much more difficult than German! Arabic is also one of the most difficult languages, not to mention the fact that almost every city has its own dialect, which is significantly different from all the others. Sometimes we don't understand each other!

In general, the following things helped Arab students: English as an intermediate language, constant communication with Russians, and by some miracle bought at home ... four Arabic-Russian dictionaries!

I remember how it took me twelve hours to translate the first page in a biology textbook! Belal laughs.

Profession

Belal made the decision to become a vascular surgeon in his senior years.

I have always liked to work not only with my head, but also with my hands,” he notes.

Belal admitted that the attitude towards doctors in his homeland is very different from what he sees in Russia.

We have a doctor - a very respected and far from poor man. The same is true in Europe. Once I had problems at a German airport. They took me for an emigrant, and the attitude towards them there is far from the best. But when the Germans heard that I was a doctor and worked in a hospital, everything changed before our eyes: “Excuse me, doctor, sit down, can I bring you some tea?”

Belal is not only a practicing surgeon, but also a teacher of general surgery at our university.

At the beginning of this academic year, a group of young men from Jordan arrived in Petrozavodsk. Belal takes care of them in every possible way, but at the same time believes that it is more difficult to study now, as science has stepped forward.

Of course, some people perceived life in Karelia as freemen, which they do not have at home. Fortunately, most learn and try their best. Here, as they say, the choice of everyone.

Belal made his choice. He took place as a person, as a husband and father, as a doctor in another country, completely different from his homeland. He fully adapted to a foreign culture and at the same time kept something of his own intact.

It seems to me that he managed to do this not to a small extent thanks to his openness, breadth of views, purposefulness, surprisingly kind and bright energy.