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How to return the love and confidence of your wife. Draw your family map. Realize third-party influences. Obstacles on the way to return confidence

Almost every person has a situation in life when he loses his confidence of his beloved person (her husband, boyfriend, wife, girls). Causes of trust loss can be different. Some people can easily forgive even betrayal, and some will never forgive even "harmless" lie. And even very strong senses of love and affection can not change the principles of such people. The lost confidence of his beloved person can be returned if he is listening to the advice of psychologists.

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    Causes of distrust

    In relations, men and women are the worst - this is a loss of trust. After one of the partners loses his trust, relationships die. The reason for this can be the following factors:

    • Treason. It can be both physical and emotional. And it is impossible to understand what is worse. Treason is the most common cause of loss of trust between partners. Not everyone can forgive betray. Even very strong feelings cannot guarantee the return of relations in the same direction.
    • Betrayal. Also one of the terrible disappointments in the close person. Worst of all get a blow in the back, which is not waiting at all.
    • Unrestrained promises. To give promises to the native and close person only in the event that there is a confidence that they will restrain them. If there is no confidence, then you do not need to give them at all. Unrestrained promises will not strengthen relationships, but will only destroy.
    • False. Each man lied at least once in his life. But when this is constantly going on in the relationship, then you don't have to talk about trust. The permanent lies of one of the partners makes living in voltage and waiting for the next portion of the lies.

    How to return a loved one

    Obstacles to return confidence

    It is very easy to stop believing a close person, but the return process is very complex and long. Return the former faith may interfere with the following:

    • Anger and negative attitude to the partner.
    • The desire to take revenge, make it painfully gone.
    • Silence, refusal to communicate.
    • Emotionality.
    • Unwillingness to understand or forgive the sheltered.
    • Incorrect behavior of a guilty person.
    • Repeated cases of what is happening.
    • Rolled to the limit of the relationship.

    How to learn to trust a man

    Analysis of the situation

    Before proceeding with the return of lost trust, the person who guessed the person needs to be analyzed and understand:

    • how important it is to return the lost confidence;
    • whether a person is important, whose trust was lost;
    • whether a person is ready for stubborn labor, in order to return to the former faith;
    • what an act became the culprit of the current situation.

    Having answered these questions, a guilty man will make conclusions and will understand whether he is ready to fight for the return of the past confidence.

    Loyalty and treason

    What to do?

    To live with a shameless faith to your satellite in life is impossible. In order to have a normal relationship, they must confidence and understand. If people live together without faith, then there are no harmony in their relationship and mutual understanding. Each has its own scenario of later life. Such couples in humans may not show that they have some problems. But they are hardly satisfied with them.

    Restore the past confidence in the relationship is very hard.The efforts of one of the partners are not enough. Over the return of faith you need to work and a man and a woman. In order to return the former attitude of the spouse or spouse, you need to spend a lot of time and effort.

    Tips of psychologists:

    • Keeping need to recognize your mistake. I sincerely ask for forgiveness and do not try to shift responsibility for the deeds to other shoulders.
    • The lost trust of the loved one you need to talk to the victims. Try to explain the cause of the perfect deed.
    • Listen to a person who has lost confidence. It should be noted that this can occur unnecessarily emotionally.
    • It is necessary to give the injured time to think about the current situation and to make the right decision.

    The guilty should not be engaged in self-vacation! Even if the partner failed to establish relationships, he must forgive himself!

    The behavior of the guilty

    In order to deserve forgiveness and resume the past confidence between partners, you should adhere to the correct behavior model. It is important to realize that for a long time your favorite person will check, with distrust treat and suspect.

    Loss of trust need to be ready for reproaches from the victim. The victim in the rustling of anger is able to speak unpleasant things to his offender. It is important to gain patience!

    Important! The guilty should not allow to be humiliated! Recognition of guilt and sincere repentance has nothing to do with humiliation!

    The guilty should surround his parquet caress and attention. To try to behave as at the beginning of the origin of relationships. We should not forget that the location must be conquered again.

    Not only the manifested wisdom of partners and understanding is the key to the return of the former relationship. Psychology of men and women are arranged so that if they sincerely love, they will try to resume contact with their loved ones. Loving people are often ready to forgive much.

    Renewal

    If the half of the person who has lost confidence forgiven, then the culprit needs to be engaged in his own re-education:

    • If the cause of the loss of trust has become a lie, then you need to become a completely honest and open person in front of your half. You need to become frank even in trifles. You should not hide anything and try to hide. To say everything as it is!
    • If treason or jealousy is to blame for the current situation, then you need to completely reconsider the behavior. Do not give reasons for jealousy and suspicion. Favorite man should always know the location of the guilty. Lost confidence should talk about the day spent, share plans for the future.
    • If the reason for the loss of trust was a betrayal, then the deceived person should see the repentance in the deed and able to forgive the guilty. After that, it is necessary to translate the relationship to a new level, on which both partners will be completely confident in each other.
    • If the cause of the current situation was unrestrained promises, then it should be thought about how to give a word.

    No one is insured against mistakes. But it is better to go out and take care of the confidence of your beloved than to return it. And it's not always possible to return it.

Hello, dear friends!

Trust relationships in the family - the basis of strong tandem! Without it, it is impossible to build or family bonds nor friendly. When suspicions arise between partners - life turns into a nightmare and systematic clarification of relations.

Attempting to glue the cup after it crashed - it does not always go well. It is very difficult to forgive the oversight of the close person and the VMIG forget about the caused pain. This applies not only to change, lies or unjustified expectations.

Trust - a mutual process arising due to communication. Sometimes it is issued on credit, but often loses the battle, because the boundaries of the duties were not specified. So born dissatisfaction, nervousness and "game in a spy".

Is it possible to return confidence in the relationship and count on a happy life? Or is it a thoughtful myth in which you want to believe everyone who is a loving person? About this and not only in today's article!

Stage of the origin of trust feelings

The process of transformation from the usual friend to the status of a friend or partner in life is very long. Man, at the first acquaintance, can not afford to experience trusting relations to someone else's personality.

First, it is a protective mechanism, and secondly, a neat way to interact with the environment and any novelty. What is the difference between a close person from a simple acquaintance? How does psychology work?

Bind the relationship of people not only emotions, but also confidence! Add love, loyalty or affection - you get a full-fledged union. In order for the atmosphere of confidence in appearing, a person needs to go through small tests and "prove" his right to deep, mental contact.

The person looks out, listens, asks questions and meets the list of values. After that, the words are checked for strength by action. And only then, a real sympathy arises, and it develops into strong relationships, which is in life a special place. But what to do when the necessary trust was not or was it broken?

The main causes of mistrust

People who live with suspicions to their boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband - they simply lie! When the trust is lost by the fault of one of the parties, you need to take any attempts to fix everything. If such a desire, the guilty side does not occur - boldly strike out the personality from the list of close guests in the house. What do antideria providers look like?

  • Treason is the most common cause of a breaking of relationships! It is physical on the fact of contact and emotional. At the same time, it is quite difficult to understand what is worse. But after the treason, overshadow mistakes are also not easy, because the feelings and ego of the partner were listed;
  • vragne - at first glance, not such a cunning or terrible phenomenon, like treason. On average, a person is lying away from 50 times and more! But sometimes this addiction passes all the permissible framework permitted and acquires a shade of pathology. Living or communicating in hand - dangerous and not comfortable. Therefore, before going into the course of the next portion of "untrue", think about it, will it strengthen the trust between you or bite?;
  • treason / violated promises are the most painful actions that are found in friendly and family relations. You trusted a person, but got a spin! Resenting, anger and aggression in relation to the traitor - are provided and not always any act can be justified in the future, making attempts to return confidence. Betrayal - thoughtful step and do not make it in call of emotions, as in the case of treason;
  • unnecessary expectations - a common zone for conflicts in a pair. With a girl and with a guy, at the time of the birth of relations, there is no verbal fixation of arrangements and expectations. Trust suffers in that situation where the obligations were not voiced specifically! As a result, she considers the fact of treason incident, where he invited her girlfriend to a friendly dance.

Obstacles on the way to return confidence

  • Relationships were already in critical condition, and treason, betrayal or lies served as a banal catalyst;
  • "Inappropriate" to the situation model of the behavior of the "guilty";
  • failure or inability to understand and forgive man;
  • recurreers of the crime minimize chances to restore confidence between people;
  • refusal to communicate and complete closing of opponents;
  • excessive emotionality;
  • revenge, the desire to do painfully called;
  • ignoring what happened;
  • accumulation of anger and negative.

How to return confidence?

Taking responsibility for what happened

If you made a mistake and caused pain - admit your guilt! Take responsibility for the deed, and sincerely ask for forgiveness. Shooting his fault for nonsense on other people's shoulders will not lead to good.

Even if you changed my husband because he does not suit you in intimate questions, even if you lay my wife, because they were sure that she would enter your position - betrayal did you!

Consider that the affected person will show the entire spectrum of indignation. Let him speak and talk emotions. At this moment there is a cleansing, leading to an improvement in the state.



Do not justify

A long story about the causal thread of events will not simplify the situation with her husband in case of distrust. Attempts to find the guilty, hysterics, reverse charges or a list of different-caliber excuses will only exacerbate the state of affairs. Tell all the thicker, bypassing the unimportant details. Leave the essence and honest recognition in the error.

The only thing you need to do is later is to express sincere repentance in the deed! Emotional openness in this case plays an important role. If there is no opportunity to talk, use additional methods to convey words apology:

  • write a letter (electronic, paper);
  • leave the message on the answering machine;
  • tell us about your feelings using colors, gift;
  • use the action - make something important for a partner, then what he dreamed of long;
  • excuse yourself. Write the video with apologies.

Sorry yourself

Live in the status of the "traitor" - self-vaccination, which will lead to health problems. We are all people and no one is immune from stupid! Remaining is the most important part of the return of trust in the relationship. But you have to forgive yourself even if you find a bond with my wife or spouse.

Take a defeat and move on, not coming on the same rake more than 1 time,
A systematic return to the squash will only make it possible to make everything possible to explain its motivation of the act, accept responsibility, express apologies and live on, promoting!

On this point!

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You notice that your favorite behaves all the cool. More time spends with girlfriends, mom or on the phone. The questions are responsible for your questions, reluctantly goes to the proximity, and even refuses to be sexually intimacy. Suddenly it turns out that she has plans for the coming weekend that you are no longer entering. In general, you feel the guide: "Something is wrong!".

Are you trying to find out what is the matter? But in response, you get something like: "I have already said many times that we don't have anything like that" or "You yourself know perfectly, what's the matter," and then how cold is "everything is in order"?

What happened?

There are situations in relationships when the satellite ceases to trust you. Like a thin thread that tied you, suddenly begins to throw out, and wait will turn around. Maybe you paid attention to work or your hobbies. Maybe they missed her requests by their ears. Or maybe she suspects you that you have someone on the side, but does not ask direct questions, fearing to learn the truth.

Since you have switched to this article, you may understand that the current situation is not worth letting on a self-shot and you need to do something with it, and do as quickly as possible. But how to make yourself with a girl, if you even formally quarreled?

In this article, the psychologist Valery Scholyuk will lead you 7 ways, how to return the confidence of your beloved woman, and strengthen the link that you have at the very beginning, when the relationship brought mutual joy and pleasure.

1. Frankly talk about the present

The first method is basic, without it, it is unlikely that something will work out, so we take it very carefully. Would you like to know how to return your favorite? To begin with, it is necessary to call it on the conversation. Ask, as she has a case at work, that she worries her in relations with children (if we are talking about a spouse), as things are doing with her parents ... In general, ask her affairs in any respect to her. It may be so that even this conversation will be enough, and it behaves cool, only because you have not paid enough attention to her and for a long time did not speak with each other. Throughout.

If you have made serious misses somewhere, it is possible that you will have to make efforts so that this conversation takes place.

Use any reasons (New Year, March 8, Mom's birthday ...) to bring your favorite outdoor conversation. Of course, not at the moment when it is spinning like a squirrel in the wheel in the kitchen, trying to prepare treats or choose a gift. Here, it is best to start to offer your help, then it will be easier for a frank conversation.

Tell her: "I feel that we somehow moved away, let's in front of this event, we understand what is happening and we are looking for ways to improve the situation. Tell me what you want to improve in our relationship? ". If you notice a response, then your main task is: just listen carefully. Do not interrupt, do not justify, prove anything. Do not give in to emotions, although they can be observed in your direction.

Remember the main goal: clarify where and when you have lost confidence and how to restore it now. To do this, you need to listen to the companion and wind on the must-heard.

Your woman will now tell you what, maybe he has repeatedly tried to convey to you, but you did not pay attention, because they did not consider that it could somehow influence your life. Or will open you what torments it is not the first month. And maybe even will even voiced your suspicions of your possible adventures to the side. Your attention will help to make a satellite and return trust by your relationship if I already had a lot.

2. Rely on the emotional resource of the past


If it turned out that you were with your actions or inaction with the confidence of your beloved, and nothing to solve anything with simple conversation, it is very important now, at this moment when you have established emotional contact and tuned for one wave, raise those moments from the past in her memory When you both were good together.

By this you pave a reliable bridge from the past to the present. Remember in advance three or more situations when she experienced strong feelings for you. Maybe this is a reminder of how you made her an offer or the romantic story of your dating. And maybe this is the moment when you once spontaneously went to walk through the night city, it began to rain ... or prepared a delicious pizza together. Tell this story as detail as possible to feel the atmosphere of that bright day. Remember the rain droplets on her cheeks on the first day of dating or send the melody of your wedding song. If you yourself accomplish this moment again, it is necessary to charge it to that atmosphere.

3. Talk about the joint future and plan it


Now it is important for you to talk about plans for the future. Psychologist Valery Syolyuk is convinced that this is a very important and subtle moment, because you begin to build a continuation of the bridge in your collaborative future. It is possible that you have lost confidence so much that she has already started to learn from you. Emotional contact with a partner is very important for women. And if she ceases to receive returns from relationships, if she feels that her attachments do not meet reciprocity in them, then she can choose the option to stay with you to the pore, until time and physically, and the soul is not with you.

And now, when you managed to stumble on the wall of the coldness, it is important to start to pull it out, defending the future steps to see themselves and you in the bottom of tomorrow. And it is very important that you start to take into account all those reproaches that you expressed. And so that you yourself start changing your behavior if you want to save the relationship. Perhaps you are too often delayed at work, but it is important for her evenings with you, or at least one Friday evening.

Perhaps what you heard, shocked you, and you need time to make a decision - are you ready to change or not? You should not run ahead of the locomotive, just take a pause and think about everything. After all, there is nothing worse than to promise a woman of air locks for the hour of rapprochement, and then, once again, disappointing a person who trusted you. Ansure your favorite thing that she heard and promise to discuss with not everything after thinking, and choose such a time to talk that would be comfortable both.

Talk about the future is a very powerful tool for bonding relationships. We are in our experiences know the story when with the help of such conversations about the future, the spouse managed to keep the companion next to the companion in a very hard for them of both financial situations. Every time she wanted to surrender, stop helping her husband in general business, he reminded her that they have a common goal - to build a house. He constantly reminded her that they were waiting for them in the near future. And she charged his enthusiasm, continuing to help her husband in the realization of the dream. Of course, you will have to not only talk about the future, but also to do actions to ensure that this future has come. And just so you can restore the credibility of you.

Put the common goal or start the overall hobby. Start any lesson, which you, and your partner like to do together. It is important to plan what you are going to do together, include a partner in your plans before implementation, even if you are a very busy person. It greatly strengthens the relationship, and such a joint thing, in the future, will serve you a good help. If your favorite disappears the interest in the joint case, from which you have already recently received pleasure, maybe it's time to re-draw attention to what is happening in relationships?

4. Sincerely thank


How long have you praised your beloved for a delicious dinner or a stroke shirt? When was the last time you gave her flowers just like that, and not on March 8? Do you congratulated it with the days of your children or her parents? After all, it is her holidays. A woman can close from you, because it does not feel that you appreciate her contribution to the relationship. Cooling in the relationship may occur because you have long started to take everything right.

You live not alone in this world. Someone gives her diamonds to her women, the inscription "Thank you for my son ...", calls to radio listeners about his love ... And she sees and hears it all and she also wants to feel significant and beloved, as Those girls who address all those compliments and gratitude.

Even if you can not give a hundred roses or you are not enough time to make a surprise to her every week, at least sincerely express gratitude for the contribution that she does in your joint relationship. It is clear that you want your contribution to be appreciated, and that you thank you for the fact that you work hard for the good of the whole family. But someone should start doing it first and you can become the first to become. If your relationship has already become cooler, then the usual sincere gratitude can be heated.

If, if possible, you say: "I am grateful to you for the experience that I got next to you ... And for all the good things that we had," her heart warmer, and you can do the following steps, but an article will be separate.

Now go back to clause number 1 again, because it is important to talk to each other and find out if there are any even deeper reasons why your distance occurred. It can be a good basis for rapprochement and restore lost confidence. It may even help bring his wife to you if she left.

5. Be prepared to listen and support


It is quite possible that you are distant from you or even gone beloved because you did not want to hear something important that she tried to tell you. Remember, perhaps, was the moment from which you dismissed because of eternal employment?

And now find the moment yourself when you can ask: "Favorite, remind you that I wanted to tell me last time?" It is very important to listen carefully to carefully, not to interrupt, not to prove, not justify, even if you follow. You need to carefully listen to your beloved person. After all, it may be that the matter is not at all. It may be that your favorite woman has a difficult situation at work or with a girlfriend, or with someone from relatives. And she began to guide himself only because he was thinking about and looking for ways to solve the current situation. Maybe she is now needed by your support. Or she tried in this difficult situation to receive support from you, like a loved one, and you have done himself cold to her problems, and she lost confidence in you.

Men often get a sword, put on the lats and go to "save" a favorite, passing high-pass tips, as, in their opinion, it is necessary to solve the situation, while not even trying to go into details. And women just need a feeling of a reliable shoulder and support. While she speaks with you, she structures thoughts, trying to find the best solution, and she, maybe, just need you to hear, instill hope that she will cope and understandably confirmed that she is right. If a person wants you to listen to him, you need to hear. It is necessary to give a feeling - "I am with you in one boat, I am for you." And if you see that in the situation you need real help, just ask: "Do you want me to just listen to you or do you need my advice and help?"

If you want to return the former, then all this can be the beginning of a new period of your relationship.

6. Attention to children - the best way to the heart of a woman


Remember, now very high divorce statistics. And often the initiators are women who have lost confidence in a man, as to the father of joint children. If you have common children, the most effective way to return the confidence of women is to pay for children to maximum care and attention. If you remember that when choosing a man, a woman, first of all, chooses the Father for His Children, then much attention to children will definitely play your hand.

If your beloved is still near, think, maybe she is just tired? Maybe she needs time for himself? But she does not realize or can not convey to you this in such a form so that you will definitely hear it. Maybe she has long been disappointed in you, as in the Father, because all your contribution to the family is that you earn money, and all other questions - food, education, relationship in school, lessons, order in children's things, Additional circles - fell on her neck.

Think, it is possible that she has real reasons for stopping trusting you as a partner. Especially if the woman in terms of household goods works with you on an equal footing, and even solves all questions about your children.

Today, there are often the situation when the wife threw her husband, because he practically did not participate in the upbringing of children. If you have problems and in other areas of life - finance, sex, mutual understanding - indifference and shifting responsibility to a wife in matters related to children can be the last drop.

Feeling the power, raise the children alone, the wives sometimes leave the children together. Remember that you have equal responsibilities in relation to children, and your spouse is not less tired of yours, and maybe more, especially if you do not help her with the management of the household. And how to return confidence now?

Start paying more attention to children, and the question will disappear from the head: "Why is it needed? Only takes them in the mornings to school, yes the products buys, and more and any sense! "

7. Draw your family card. Realize third-party influences.


Often, to return the confidence in your beloved, it is important to understand what is the environment. It is useful to make a family card, because it will help you not only return trust, but also to strengthen the relationship. It is very helpful to keep in your attention, with whom it is most often communicating with your girl / spouse, and who has an impact on it. Women are more social creatures than men, and they are important.

And here we are talking not only about communicating with live people. Do you know, for example, what accounts is it signed? Who is every day she monitors social networks?

This does not mean that it is necessary to climb into her smartphone or laptop without demand. Ask her! How to do it correctly, see paragraph 1 of this article. It is possible that she tried to tell you about those people whose news she tracks, but you dismissed, because you had no time or just uninteresting.

If you want to restore trust and save relationships, try to manage the situation. Perhaps surrounded by beloved there is an envious girlfriend. Or she already reads blogs of lonely women who are colorfully described what benefits are freedom from relationships. Your task is to ensure everything so that the spouse as often happened to those who also have a family, and with those who are interested in being together.

The main thing in all listed ways is not to do anything forced. What we told you - only tools. It is fine to use them, because if you try to impose something, the already fragile trust can crack and fall apart on small fragments. Women are quite subtle creatures and act with them carefully, carefully and jewelry.

We have passed items already give enough information to understand situations and solve them, but perhaps you need to learn more. Then look for answers to these and other questions in the valet's video block Valery Scholyuk.

Psychologist Valery Syolyuk

Return confidence in the family, where treason happened, complex and often a long process. In order to bring themselves to bring themselves to the desired result, the decision on your behavior should not be taken not with girlfriends, siling wine from bitterness, and not after another move with her husband. The best thing in this situation is a sober head, the most neutral emotions and the council of the specialist.

How to return confidence in the family, advises psychologist and body-oriented Welness-therapist Elena Schubin.

What should I think about after treason?

Before proceeding to actions and start living "ordinary life", or rather - to restore the usual life, Elena Schubin proposes to answer himself honestly for 3 questions, no matter how hurts and difficult:

  1. Will I be able to forgive and live with this man, as before, without claims, accusations, reminders and fear, what will happen again?
  2. Will he be able to come back and loving me as before, and maybe even stronger if I can do everything so that I again believed him and could trust myself?
  3. Do we have two power and the desire to go through these tests and make our family stronger than it was?

The expert warns: "If there is an answer to these questions:" No, not sure, partially, "know, it may well happen that you will not be able to save the family, and then it is better not to waste time, but to try your luck with someone else " In this case, the question of the return of trust already disappears.

What to do a woman to restore trust?

The return of trust is complex inner work, and it is difficult to make one if the situation directly depends on the other person, in this case, your husband. Even if you are a strong woman in the spirit and take a categorical "family to be!", It is unlikely that at one moment your mood will change dramatically without any hard efforts to your husband.

Therefore, the most important rule is the very first thing you can do to return trust in a man:

1. Do not raise yourself!

Signing, you give yourself a promise to never remember about treason , do not blame her husband, etc. But while the trust is not restored, do not force yourself, as before. Do not make yourself forgive yourself and start trusting at one moment. All will not work, too strong emotional stress you experienced.

Also, do not rush yourself, give yourself so much time as you need. Such a process as forgiveness is very difficult to put in a temporary framework. Options "In a month", "before dinner" or "for the next Monday" will still not work. Reverse behavior can lead not only to the deterioration of your mental state, but also to disease.

Psychologist warns: "If you are convinced that everyone has already forgotten and forgot, and you can already trust when all your communication still speaks about the opposite, you tear yourself in neurosis (This is at best), and then and "earn" the disease. Tell me: "I will do everything that the ability to trust came to me in a timely manner. I will give himself a time. There will be nothing terrible if I still look after it. It is better than hurry and feel deceived again. "

2. Set the deadline for verification and agree on this with your husband.

Do not make yourself "forgive before the New Year" - you can easily establish a completely defined period during which you will look after your husband. During this period, you can act at home a number of arrangements that will help to understand, forgive, or accurately decide that you cannot do this.

"Agree that for some time you will be checked. I know men who allowed the wives to look into their mobile phone and gave them passwords from their email, only that those were able to forgive and forget as soon as possible. "All this means nothing if you want to hide something, it will hide and so," of course, you say ... it is, and not so.

Most people are still not so cynical to purposefully create other accounts, ciffers, addresses and passwords for these purposes (in part therefore come across treason). And the right to check this voluntarily and with good intentions, really more than healing for relationships. And by the way, usually after him I do not want to check anyone, "the psychologist offers.

Also, ask your husband to be more attentive to you, ask him to give you more information and explain your behavior if something new happens. For example, if you previously knew exactly that, on Wednesday, he was delayed, because he plays with friends to bowling, now this bowling can grow in your eyes in much more colorful paintings. Ask him to call and warn you, the "Default" option or "You also know" now does not work.

Important! Remember that the ability to check and check are different things. Do not turn into a paranoid detective, in such conditions your husband, even if he really decided to change, will not last long, and your nerves will surrender from constant voltage. Speed \u200b\u200bin time to get out of the state of verifier, because after you sorry, the personal space to her husband should return.

3. Waving a conversation culture in the family

Suspicions and missing do not make a happy family. Probably, everyone knows the effect of the "Snow Coma", when small inaccessibles and unspoken resentment wench and overproof the all good, which is in your family. Now you do not just need to allow such behavior, you can not!

Now, when trust in your pair Seriously staggered, you cannot afford to doubt quietly, so cook your husband to what you will be in this difficult period to ask much more questions than before.

This is what the psychologist advises: "Speak my husband about your feelings and suspicions immediately. The fact is that we sometimes do not realize, to what extent we do not understand the partners. For example, you approached him and got up with him behind him, and he immediately slammed his diary. Tell me right away that it caused a storm of feelings and suspicion. Almost certainly he will open the page to you, and you will see that it has nothing, and the habit of closing the documents from him still from the Army past, just before you did not pay attention to it ... ".

4. Correct what led to treason

Smoke without fire, as you know, does not happen. And in any treason there are fault of another partner. Think what a man lacked? And even if his demands are unreasonable, as it seems to you, try it to give it. After all, if this shortage has led to treason, it means that it was very important for him. And this applies to all means, even those that seem to occur by chance.

Show him again the woman in which he fell in love, the one that did not want to change. Try to start with yourself, and you will see changes.

5. Develop Will Power

Few people believe that the power of the will could be an assistant in this matter. After all, it is impossible to force yourself to trust in the team and, squeezing your teeth, say to yourself: "From this moment I believe him again." But you can and need to be very wanted to return the world into the family.

Psychologists say that you can program yourself on a certain step, and this internal installation will help you move on. By itself, she, of course, will not change anything, but it will be the basis for your daily behavior, which, in fact, forms a reality in your family.

3 rules for men

In fact, this section should be central in this article, because it will be the behavior of a man to determine whether you can return confidence in it and how fast you can do it.

But is there a chance that a man will see all the scented? Of course, you can show him or tell. And you can just know it yourself, because it is also important. The main problem after the treason is that no one knows exactly how to behave, there is no model of behavior, as it should be, which is natural that there is no, that you can demand that you need, but what is impossible.

"Everyone is doing", of course, a dubious look argument, but when there is nothing more, it is difficult to find another support. We offer you the opinion of a psychologist, how to behave a man and what to be ready to restore the family after his betrayal.

Due to the fact that there is no knowledge, we can make actions that only spoil everything. Below we give a list of myths and main mistakes that a woman can make, trying to suppress their resentment and force themselves to trust her husband. And also a farewell to a man - a model of behavior that is worth accepting in order to return confidence in the family.

1. "We are adults"

Any problem, especially such a serious, as a betrayal, and restoring confidence in the family after it, makes us psychologically older, makes it look for more adults and wise decisions. Therefore, a woman who made the decision to forgive and again return confidence in a couple, tries to behave very wisely, calmly, trying to her husband silence and endure And alone cries in the pillow.

How to behave a man

A woman who lost confidence is similar to the offended child. She is capricious, denial, offended, closed and ravant. And it may seem to be anything. And it is normal and natural! Thunder you wounded her pride, and she always tries to return it with all their might. Therefore, if you really need this woman, be very patient ...

How to return confidence in a man if he changed

First of all, let her right to know about you and your life, everything she wants, including passwords, accounts. You may consider it too frankly and create some inconvenience for you. Previously, this, of course, was not, but that you lost the confidence of a woman, in this your wine and therefore you need to go for concessions.

2. "About treason - no word"

There is an opinion that forgive - it means to forget. So, the treason can not only speak, but also to think. But this also applies to the period when thoughts and emotions are already amenable to some kind of control.

Not knowing this, some women torment themselves thoughts that it was for a woman, how it all happened and why. They raise themselves, thereby driving into neurosis, but still do not allow themselves to speak about it.

How to behave a man

Very often a woman who has changed, interest the details, sometimes very intimate, about how and why, with whom, in which setting it happened. It is completely irrational and certainly causes you surprise and even anger. And often a woman is making her desire.

But despite everything, it is very natural. A woman really needs this information, and you will do wise if you give her her. The fact is that thanks to this information, the woman is determined with its self-esteem and everything happened to the end that happened.

You never even always come to mind, through which millstone it grinds this information, what "strange" conclusions can do, and everything for, in the end, let go. For example, learning that the girl is young, you can convince myself that in my youth it is naive and stupid, while you might suggest that your spouse will experience because of my own no one. ..

In other words, it is not amenable to logic, but you will make a good deed if you answer her questions.

3. "Will not, as before"

Treason changes everything and forever. Trying to return the lost confidence, the spouses are often buried along with the bad all the good things that were. And the so-called "new relationship", many for some reason believe that romantic events during this period will be clumsy and unnatural, there will be something like a feather during the plague. Therefore, everyone lives an ordinary life, trying to restore the world, forgetting that the happiness will not add from one confidence.

How to behave a man

Every woman who has changed is very important that some ritual happened to show her that the old passed and a new stage of her life began. But for some reason, men are afraid to do it, because "somehow not time."

For the additional comment, we turned to Olga Volodar, author of witness detectives. Here is her opinion: "It's impossible to return confidence in a man if he changed. And it is not worth it. You can be forced to forgive, you can accept it, you can find it justification, you can even pretend that it was not at all, but ... to trust the man who traded you to another, would not work, no matter how try.

He stayed at work, and you think he is with her. Or on the other. After all, he changed to you, then maybe the second, third. And, in principle, in ten cases from the hundred will be the case. I have a girlfriend who constantly forgives her betrayal husband. During several years. And I would just close her eyes on them. But no, he sincerely believes that it was the last time. It is not worth saying that everything is repeated again and again.

And when she finds out about non-urban husband (And why some men are so careless?), then crying from humiliation and resentment. After all, he was so sincere in his repentance, and she believed him. She all says: "Throw it." And she hopes that he will change.

I do not give her advice. Let him decide herself. But, it seems to me, you need to either live with the thought that betrayal is not at all a betrayal, but a tricky, or divorce. "

What is your opinion?

Love Schogolkov

We are married for 15 years. When we had a second child, we had problems in relationships. At the sexual level, on emotional. The wife completely lost a sexual attraction, I did not attracted adherents on the side. Sex was on the principle "Well, yes, I must" once a month at best. The alienation began. We lived like neighbors on the room - I play, bolding at the computer, she helps in Apad. Very often communicated on Skype, sitting in different rooms.

Recently, the life turned so that his wife had the opportunity to engage in their favorite business. She returned to music, began to go to classes. It came even to concerts and tour. She began to reveal, the fire began to appear in the eyes. And the last month it practically broke through it. I got sex not from the category "Well, I lay down, let's be quick," and on the contrary. I was practically raped.

We began to communicate, walk holding hands. She began to resolve himself hugging (before she did not let me down to him, as I was afraid that I would require sex).

And then I do stupidity. I'm jokingly I say "You look there, on tour, do not forget to use condoms." The topic of development did not receive, Hiha Haha and turned. After some time, she tells me "But your words about the intrigues on the side, will you really allow me?" I do stupidity number two, and confidently say "yes, of course, ahead" - I am confident in myself. What I get recognition is that yes, there is one musician there, but she can't just like that, she needs with feelings.

And then I'm doing nonsense number three. I start digging in her correspondence, in calls and sms. And I find that that evening, when I was raped, she went to the cinema not with friends, but with him. Moreover, I recognize my name and surname itself.

And here it covers the wilderness. I begin to give her hysterics, she starts to convince me that her love is only to me, and this is so, returning to youth and simple love. She doesn't need him as a satellite of life, it's just a way to overcome young years, the very feelings and emotions. That she is experiencing much stronger feelings to me, and the overwhelming part of it belongs to me.

Now I have a huge problem. From her correspondence with her friend (only one is dedicated to all the details) I know that these words about her feelings to me - True. And her girlfriend scolds her, and makes you do everything possible to help me and not lose me.

I have been shaking for almost a week. I flew into the state of youthful love. I remembered my feelings for her. I give her gifts, shook her attention. I abandoned the computer, games and everything else. I tell her such words that did not speak even at the dawn of our relationship. And I see that she also likes it (after all, she loves me honestly). But all this time - I can't sleep. I rush all the time to climb into her phone (the only place that was not viewed by me). I fall at night in some kind of surrogate sleep, from which I dial in an hour. And again I sit and look at it. And scroll into the head that she kisses there with a musician, and then came home. I simultaneously love her and hate. I want to know everything to the smallest details, and at the same time I want to erase from the memory made by me nonsense. This fountain of my emotions shakes it. I am afraid that it will be offended by this behavior.

I tried to analyze my fears, and it seems to me that I lost confidence in her. Previously, she calmly could go in the evening to walk with girlfriends until the night came, even with overnight. It did not bother me. Now she goes to the dance (this is exactly dancing, I know reliably) - I covers me fear. Fear of what she deceives me. That she again with this musician.

Help me not make another mistake. I have serious concerns that she will be the last. And I will destroy what the beginning is to recover between us. I accept her imagine to mind, because it helped to wake up our love to each other, I returned me a mistress wife and a friend's wife instead of my wife's wife. But my animal fear that covers me every night, my jealousy, the exact of our relationship. I'm feeling it. And I do not want to destroy anything. Help me put out my negative emotions.