The ex-husband threatens to take the child - what to do? How to take the child from the mother to the father: the law, the necessary documents and specialist recommendations

19.05.2019

Many men believe that caring for a child is not a man's job. But what prevents you from being a gentle father and a real man at the same time?

Benjamin Spock

In the life of every child, both parents play a huge role in development, in his formation as a harmonious and self-sufficient person. From the mother, the baby receives tenderness, affection and care, and from the father - security, support and confidence. And if some feelings and emotions are not fully received, then in the future this may not have a beneficial effect on the life of the growing person. So let's talk with you about how you can establish a “father-child” contact, what needs to be done for this and how?

LOOKING FOR REASONS

As a rule, difficulties with a man arise when the general harmony in the family is disturbed. Here it is important to identify what was the cause, why and why there was a misunderstanding. After all, the mistakes that women make are not always directly related to the spouse. These can be your personal complexes or limitations.

For example, you may have your own views on parenting and your wishes about how you would like your dad to spend time with him. But remember, these are your desires. Before demanding their fulfillment, it would not hurt to discuss with the spouse, to find out his point of view on how he sees himself the process of raising a child.

To begin with, just in a comfortable and homely atmosphere, having fed your spouse with a delicious dinner, talk to him, ask: “Dear, I am so pleased that you are taking care of us, of our family! You are such a good fellow, but I noticed that you are not very interested in playing with our children. I would like to know why? How do you understand and see yourself communicating with children? What are your views? I want to understand your point of view, express my own, and so that you and I understand and hear each other. " Most importantly, don't press or engage in conversation if you are annoyed. it will only make the situation worse. Communication should take place peacefully and its goal is not to quarrel and disperse to the corners, but to find a solution, a compromise.

Another side of the coin to this problem can be the most commonplace fear. The father's fear that he will not cope with his paternal responsibilities, lack of understanding and ignorance of how to properly raise a child. Men, in view of their physical strength, are simply afraid to do something with a child, because worried that they might cripple him. This is especially common in a family when the child is still very young.

Then this fear already develops into an unwillingness to change the situation and take responsibility. The man begins to think: “My wife is doing well, and it's good, but I won't go in, otherwise I’ll only make it worse!”... And the main mistake women make is that instead of supporting their spouse and helping him cope with fear, they begin to make remarks to him, and the worst thing is to scold him for mistakes and express his dissatisfaction.

Not having a good example of communicating with your father also one of the reasons why a man does not know how to approach his own child.

The stereotype imposed by the environment that the role of the dad is only financial support for the family, and everything else is at personal discretion and for your own pleasure.

But all the difficulties can be dealt with! There is an exit! How can you help your spouse to become involved in the child's upbringing process and take an active part in it?

Talk to your spouse first. , discuss the situation and be tolerant of his mistakes, while saying: "You can do it, you can do it!"

Do not make fun of your spouse in the presence of a child. ... This will only humiliate him and discourage him from communicating.

At first, set aside one or two days a week. when you all go for a walk to the site. Gradually, you will be drawn into this regime and can even sometimes let your spouse and child go.

Have the whole family watch cartoons or play games at home. Even drawing or painting together is a tremendous pleasure and joy not only for the baby, but also for you, adults. Do not think that the spouse, seeing you with paints, should immediately rush to you and start drawing. Invite him to participate in this process. Captivate. Offer to show how he draws, for example, a tank or an airplane.

If the father said something to the child or forbade, then you do not interfere. Dad said - it's the law. (Of course, if it does not contradict ethics and morality).

Feel free to ask for help in everyday matters. At the same time, it is important that the husband understands that he cannot do without his help.

Be sure to leave the father and child alone. This is important to both of them. If in the eyes of your spouse at such moments you see fear, then do not be alarmed, this is normal. Just in this case, support him with the words: “ I know you can handle it. You are the best dad in the world and you will figure out how to spend an interesting time with our baby!". Let it be only 20 minutes at first (while you went to the store), and then, gradually, increase the time of your leaving. Such communication in private with each other will allow to establish contact between the father and the child, will help bring them closer.

Do not forget to tell your spouse about the baby in his absence. Talk about achievements and disappointments, what he says and what he thinks. These moments are unforgettable and pass very quickly. After all, childhood is fleeting, you will not have time to look back, and the child has already grown!

Encourage your husband to connect with other happy fathers. , go on outings with families, where parents pay attention to their children and spend time actively with them. Let these meetings be an example. The only thing is, do not poke your husband with your nose with the words: "Here is Petya, look how caring, but you can't do that!"... Such seemingly innocent phrases only upset, reduce self-esteem and discourage desire.

Be understanding wives, because everything can be agreed upon and everything can be corrected, the main condition is love and desire!

I always thought that I was lucky with my husband. We had a good, warm relationship. We had been married for six years before the child was born. Then something happened that we both expected and wanted - a son was born. The husband was very much expecting a child and just wanted a son. In the last months of pregnancy, he talked to my belly, was with us in the hospital. I saw that he was happy.

Then, when the baby began to grow up, my husband tried to give him the maximum of his time, went for a walk with him, and I stayed at home. Sometimes, to do household chores, and sometimes on purpose, so that they were alone. I understand how important it is for men to have their company and something in common. hidden from women's eyes. I was sure that everything is fine in our family and that my men get along well with each other.

But when my son grew up to the age of 4, I began to notice that the relationship between them began to deteriorate and turned out to be not so ideal. Moreover, conflict situations began to arise more and more often. Our son is a guy with character and in his four years he began to confront his father very confidently. I was shocked.

Further worse: they began to drag me over to their side. This was the worst thing for me. I can't choose between my beloved husband and my beloved son. This is at least stupid. My attempts to reason with both of them failed. ... I even had the idea of reducing them to a family psychologist, but then I decided to figure it out myself: why is this happening and what should be done about it? And is it possible to change the situation without resorting to the help of a specialist?

Two kinds of relationship

There are only two types of father-son relationship:

Son and father are rivals ... In this case, the father tries to "crush" his son with his authority, and every time he offends him, gives advice, lectures and lectures. Moreover, it does not matter at all whether there is a reason for this or not. He believes that he knows more, knows how to act correctly and does not give the child the slightest freedom and independence. The child, in turn, is sure that it is he (or the mother, but not the father) who is right, and he is tired of his father's advice and does not need it. All the father's instructions are taken with hostility and aggressiveness, regardless of the child's age.
Father and son are friends ... This is ideal, but rarely seen in real life - statistics. Friendship between them begins from the first day of a child's life, and not when the child is twenty. This type of relationship depends primarily on the father. It is the realization that he is a father and he bears the burden of responsibility for this little man, self-confidence and self-sufficiency that make relationships right and friendly. The father understands that it is he, and not the wife, who must invest the maximum in raising his son, must help him become a real man, explain and teach everything that a woman, in principle, cannot teach. Next to such a father, the son will always feel secure and confident, and this is very important, especially in childhood.

Unfortunately, option number 2 is not about us. And it was necessary to deal with the first type of relationship. Let's turn to the science of psychology for help. What do experts in this field say about such a difficult father-son relationship?

And they say the following : At the age of 3-4, any boy begins to have strange feelings towards his father. In his little soul, two feelings are fighting: love and hate. Yes, it is these feelings that he begins to feel for his father. The struggle of these conflicting feelings gives the boy a lot of emotional difficulties. On the one hand, he, of course, loves his father, on the other hand, he wishes him death and from these thoughts he himself experiences real horror, fearing, first of all, the anger of his father. And all because he loves his mother much more during this period. And he doesn't want to share it with anyone. Even with my own father.

Just imagine what the child is experiencing and how psychologically difficult it is for him to cope with it. In this situation, everything will depend on the pope. The father must show the utmost endurance and patience to get through this difficult period for the whole family. ... In just a couple of years, the boy will cope with this problem, survive what psychologists call the "Oedipus complex" (the essence of this complex is the desire to eliminate his father and marry his mother) and the whole family will be able to continue living peacefully and amicably.

What should a father do?

Naturally, be patient and in no case be like a child. Don't compete with him for his mother's attention.

The father must explain to the son that mom is dad's wife and that she will sleep with him (dad). The father must explain, and the son must understand that he will never take a place next to his mom instead of dad. It is very important. It should also be explained to the child, and this should also be done by the dad, that when the boy grows up, he will also have a wife.

Dad definitely needs to stop seeing himself in his son. You need to understand and accept that this is a different person with his own character, hobbies and interests. And if the son does not like to climb trees, as dad liked to do in his childhood, then there is no need to force and teach him with abnormal stubbornness. Or vice versa, if in childhood you could not stand to sculpt figures from plasticine, and your son loves, you should not insult and say that he is a “woman” just because you didn’t like it. A dad needs to learn to respect his son's choices, even in small things. Especially in the little things!

Advice to dads : Let your sons live their lives, not relive yours! Walk your way, fill your bumps and gain your experience, and not spend your life correcting your mistakes and fulfilling your fantasies! Don't take away their future from your sons!

The father should always remember that for the son he is an object to follow. Boys unconsciously adopt the behavior, manners, gestures and habits of their father. This is inherent in nature, and you cannot argue against nature, as they say.

Think : maybe your son lacks your attention and hence additional aggression. Maybe he just can't attract him in another way? Indeed, very often a lack of attention is one of the main reasons for the aggressive behavior of a son towards his father, and not just a fight for his mother.

What should a mother do?

In this situation, the mother must withdraw herself. Explain to your men that they themselves should improve their relationship and not involve her in them. But this is possible only if the father behaves correctly: he is patient, balanced and does not show any reciprocal aggression towards his son.

If dad does not fully understand the current situation, then the mother's task is to explain in detail and thoroughly to the father how he should behave in relations with the child ... This must be done without the presence of the child, that is, one-on-one. Maybe give the relevant literature to read if dad doubts mom's correct approach, or go to a family psychologist so that the specialist explains how and what to do, and what absolutely must not be done .

Summing up

Summarizing all of the above, I want to say the following : for a boy, the attention of his father and communication with him is very important. And a good relationship between a father and a son is the father's job first and foremost. The child, due to his young age, does not know and does not understand many things, and the dad should become a good example. And this example must be worthy!

Of course, writing it is one thing, but doing it is completely different. But if dad wants a trusting, and most importantly, friendly relationship between him and the child in the future, then he will have to work hard. Have patience and show your son how a real man should behave in relation to his child ... More often show interest in your son's affairs in the garden or at school, in his well-being, take an interest in his friends, hobbies and slowly the ice will melt between you.

Divorce is always difficult and painful., especially if you have children. Unfortunately, children often become a bargaining chip in the process of sorting out the relationship between parents... Wanting to ruin his wife's life, husband threatens to take away the child, take away, take away, deprive the mother of parental rights etc.

Dear Readers! Our articles tell about typical ways of solving legal issues, but each case is unique.

If you want to know how to solve exactly your problem - contact the online consultant form on the right or call the phones below. It's fast and free!

The emergence of a conflict when divorcing children

Not everyone succeeds in reaching a common denominator regarding parenting after divorce..

All the good things that were between the once-in-love spouses are forgotten, the need to bring the offspring to adulthood fades into the background without traumatizing them.

Ideally, when, after a divorce, the father continues to take the child to training or some kind of activity during the hours when he is free, by this he maintains communication with the baby and relieves the mother. It's not bad if they come to such a wise decision voluntarily.

Because with small children, then at the hearing it is desirable to present a mutual plan for future life, which will take into account:

place of residence children;
meeting with dad mode- schedule, duration, etc.

But, in a conflict, it is impossible to link all the nuances of communication between children and their father, and then, instead of a mutual desire to raise children in a normal environment, the confrontation deepens, the written agreement remains a pipe dream for the mother.

Sometimes the mother is against communicating with the dad who left the family, and most often it is the father who threatens the mother with troubles, because he wants to see each other not on schedule, but when he wants to.

Can the father take the baby away from the mother?

The law equally enshrines the child (Article 80 of the RF IC). The father can take the baby from the mother if he proves:

what the woman does not care about the child, the baby is not well-groomed, hungry and dirty;
immoral lifestyle wives - drinks, uses drugs, leads a dissolute, dissolute life, does not work anywhere;
wife beats the child, kicks out into the street, makes them beg.

it gives grounds for depriving the mother of parental rights.

There are other circumstances that may to force the court to settle the baby with the father:

mother works in shifts, daily;
work is connected with traveling;
accommodations do not give the opportunity to settle the child with the mother;
woman is unbalanced prone to hysteria;
the child categorically refuses to stay with the mother.

Based on the interests of the baby and protecting them, the court will take into account all the pros and cons and issue its verdict.

What to do if the husband threatens to take away the children?

Worst of all, if life has turned into hell, and the husband does not give a divorce, threatening to take the child for himself.

The court will certainly sort out all the circumstances, look at documents, evidence, listen to witnesses.

And it will be guided only by the interests of underage offspring when determining with whom it will be better for them to live (clause 3 of article 65 of the RF IC). If the child is over 10 years old, then he will also be asked where and with whom he prefers to live.

According to statistics, after a divorce, only in 7-10% of cases, children are left to their father.

Husband's threats to take the baby away are nothing more than an attempt at manipulation, here the child is used as an instrument of pressure on the wife. Even if we imagine that dad took the child for himself, then he does not have enough time or patience for everything that needs to be done.

To ensure a normal existence for the offspring, need: wash, iron, learn lessons, buy groceries and cook healthy and at the same time delicious food (not pizza and dumplings with scrambled eggs).

In addition, the court will study the personal qualities of the mother and father, and no one will take away children from a woman leading a normal lifestyle. This is only possible in the case of a child.

Demanding to take away the child from mom, dad is most likely guided not by the interests of a son or daughter, but by a feeling of revenge, a desire to make his ex as painful as possible.

When things get tense a woman should pull herself together and keep calm and sound mind, so as not to give reason to doubt your moral health. The husband is just waiting for his wife to:

make a scandal;
will start hysterical, will cry;
will get into a fight.

You should not give a reason and give in to provocations yourself.- you should be smarter and think ahead.

In case of aggression and dismissal of hands, you should immediately call the police and call law enforcement officials.

Wherein the presence of witnesses should be ensured - neighbors, friends who will be able to confirm in court that the incident and assault took place.

Should try again talk to the baby's father and find out what he really wants... In this case, it will be useful remember for yourself that the man, the father of your child, has the right to see him, and if the child is over 5 years old, then take it on the day off. By obstructing communication, the woman herself is on the verge of breaking the law.

If the persuasion and admonition of the husband are useless, and he intends to separate the mother from the offspring, then it makes sense to change the environment and go on a visit for two to three weeks, and better in another locality.

This will be a test for your spouse and an opportunity to see how he will behave. At the same time, you cannot climb on the rampage, you must always remember: the child and him too, he has the right to know how the baby is feeling, what are his successes in studies, in sports, etc.

Anything on the part of the husband - cruelty, beating - should be recorded in the police by calling a squad to the house.

If the husband is not indifferent to alcohol or is a drug addict, then these facts should also be fixed at least by the protocol of the district police officer. All these measures will help in court so that the child stays with the mother.

The ex-spouse forcibly took the child away and does not give it back - what to do?

Despite the court's decision, the former spouse may decide to take the offspring from the mother... Realizing that the husband took the baby without consent, the woman must:

find out with the guardianship authorities whether the father coordinated his intention with them;
immediately run to the police and write a statement about the abduction.

The application may not be taken on the first day, but all the same the police are obliged to open a case... If the police persist and refuse to initiate a case, you must contact the higher authorities, ask and plead, but get your way.

You need to fight for your child using legal methods, because if there is a court decision and it is determined that the offspring will live with his mother, and the dad will come and communicate, then it turns out that it is he, the father, who violated the law.

In the case when there is no clarity, where did the father hide the baby, you need to ensure that the child is wanted... The PLO should be notified in writing of the incident.

There is only one way out - negotiate with dad in an amicable way, and let the baby go for the weekend, even if you really don't want to. It does not come out to decide on the mode of meetings - it is worth trying to attract PLO workers... And if the court approved this communication, then further - only follow a court decision.

Children usually love both mom and dad, and they want to see both of them. Since it so happened that the relationship did not work out, then you need to try not to poison the life of the cub even more, tearing it in two.

Today we have to figure out how to take the child from the mother to the father. To what extent is this task feasible? What features of the process are recommended to pay attention to when divorcing a marriage? And what happens if a parent picks up a minor without the consent of the former spouse? Answers to all these questions will be found below. In fact, in Russia, such situations are not so uncommon. What should all parents with minor children know about?

Is there a right

To begin with, let's try to understand whether the father has the right to take the child from the mother. To what extent is this task feasible?

In Russia, according to the law, parents are equal. They are obliged to provide equal care and upbringing of children. The place of residence of minors upon divorce, if there is no peace agreement between the parents, is determined by the court. This rule is spelled out in the Family Code of the Russian Federation, in article 24.

Accordingly, the father can be the parent with whom the child is left. In the same way, a mother has the right to select a minor. The chances of success depend on many factors.

The main factors in resolving the issue

What exactly are we talking about? If you are wondering how to take the child away from the mother's father, you will have to try pretty hard. After all, the judicial authorities will primarily protect the interests of the minor. It follows that if living with dad will cause more harm to the baby than with mom, you can forget about bringing the idea to life.

Among the factors that are taken into account by the court are:

the age of the minor;
interests of children;
attachment of minors;
personal qualities of both parents;
parents have education and upbringing;
material and living conditions of the parties.

In addition, the judicial authorities are required to ask the child's opinion about who he wants to live with. For this, the minor must be 10 years old.

When can I leave a child with dad

How to take the child from the mother to the father? In Russia, this is very problematic. There are a number of reasons why you can make the task at hand a reality. There are not very many of them. In addition, the existence of this or that basis for leaving the child with the father must be proven. We need irrefutable proof. Without them, you can forget about the implementation of the task.

Thus, if the father wants to take the child from the mother, he must prove the presence of one or more factors:

the mother of the minor is sick with alcoholism or drug addiction;
mom has a mental illness;
the mother is not interested in the child and his life;
the minor often stays with a nanny or grandmother;
the kid himself wants to live with dad.

In addition, the mother's loose lifestyle can be the reason for the child to stay with the father. The only problem is proof of mom's dishonesty.

Deprivation of parental rights

How to take the child from the mother to the father? In practice, this happens most often in Russia when the second parent is deprived of parental rights. Accordingly, under such circumstances, the minor actually only has a father (or mother). Children cannot live with a "stranger" person.

Deprivation of parental rights is a last resort. It has a number of consequences. In addition, revoking a parent's rights is not as easy as it seems. We will have to prove the danger of behavior (in our case, the mother) for the life and health of the minor.

Among the grounds for deprivation of parental rights are:

evasion of responsibilities for the upbringing, protection and maintenance of children;
refusal to pick up a child from a medical or educational institution;
abuse of parental responsibilities;
cruel treatment;
the presence of chronic drug addiction or alcoholism;
the commission of a crime against a child or their father.

In fact, everything is much more difficult than it seems. It is impossible to deprive a normal mother who takes care of her child. Only a riotous lifestyle and the presence of addictions can become the basis for depriving a parent of rights.

Restriction of rights

Do you want the father to take the child from the mother? As already mentioned, termination of parental rights is an extremely serious step. It is recommended to avoid it. You can use a different technique. We are talking about restrictions on the rights of a parent. This step is applied in practice quite often both in relation to mothers and in relation to fathers.

Similar situations occur if:

A child's living with a mother is dangerous for the health of a minor for reasons beyond her control. For example, due to a mental disorder or due to chronic illness.
There is not enough evidence for deprivation of parental rights, but at the same time, the presence of a child with his mother is dangerous for his life and health.

In fact, things are not so simple in Russia. If you have to think about how to take the child from the mother to the father, you will have to try pretty hard.

Procedure

Let's assume that the citizen has a sufficient number of reasons to bring the idea to life. How to act in this or that case?

Can the father take the child from the mother? In law and in practice, yes. But this is difficult to do. If the dad has grounds according to which it is dangerous for minors to live with their mother, it is necessary:

Collect evidence. These can be testimonies, photographs, videos, and so on.
Write a claim according to the established rules.
Apply to the court with the collected package of documents. You need to file a lawsuit at the mother's place of residence. District courts deal with the issue under study.
Introduce the living conditions that a father can offer to a minor. To do this, you need to communicate with the guardianship authorities. They will analyze the conditions and determine if the dad can really provide the baby with a better life.
Wait for a court decision. To do this, you will have to participate in a meeting, during which all the evidence presented by the parties will be examined.

That's all. The mother took the child from the father. What to do?

About documents

It is necessary to adhere to the proposed algorithm of actions. When filing a claim with the court, you will need to present:

birth certificate of a child;
passport;
marriage / divorce certificate;
income statements of the parties;
documents on property rights to this or that property;
proof of the danger of children living with their mother;
witness's testimonies.

In reality, proving that a baby will be better with a dad is much more difficult than it seems. Therefore, if the father wants to take the child from the mother, he will either have to accept that it will not work, or have much better living conditions than that of his ex-wife.

If the father took the baby

Sometimes it happens that people try to resolve issues related to the separation of children without trial. This is not the best trick. Especially if the parents have approximately the same living conditions.

It often happens that the father took the child without the mother's consent. For example, during a regular meeting with a minor. What to do in this case? And can a father do that?

By law, no. If the court has established a schedule for communication with the child, it cannot be violated. In this case, it is forbidden to take the child away anywhere without the consent of the mother.

Did the father take the child from the mother? What to do? You must first try to find your ex-spouse and contact him. If this was not done, you need to contact the police. After finding the child and the father, you will have to go to court and revise the communication schedule.

Arbitrage practice

Now it is clear how to take the child from the mother to the father. In Russia, it is not so easy to do this, as has already been said. Experts say that 99% of all minors are left to live with their mothers. Male and female judges almost always side with the mother. If a mother wants to keep the child with her, while she does not lead a wild lifestyle, it is impossible to take the baby away from her. This is due to the fact that children are usually attached to their mother, it is impossible to replace mother's love.

Perhaps this is all there is to know. In fact, in Russia, it is almost impossible to take a child away from a mother. The law is almost always on the side of mothers. Children often stay with their fathers if the mothers themselves refuse to live with minors.