Is it good to be a housewife? Is it embarrassing to be a housewife? Why did such an opinion appear and take root

Ksyusha Petrova

Whoever we imagine when we think about the "ideal modern woman" - Sheryl Sandberg, Beyoncé or Natalia Vodianova - most likely it will be a progressive city dweller who has achieved success in her own business, corporate career or creative vocation. An “accomplished woman” can (and in the opinion of many, should) have a partner and be a caring, but not intrusive mother, and at the same time have time to realize herself in a career or an “income-generating hobby”. She shows by her example that “you can do everything”: change the world, start a family, and not walk in sweatpants with a greasy stain for weeks.

"Housewife Syndrome"

A week ago, the Russian Ministry of Education and Science, by the way, introduced the course "Lessons of Family Happiness", which should prepare high school students for creating a family, preferably with many children. However, the background of Russian women is very different from Western ones: there were housewives in the USSR (non-working mothers did not even fall under the article on parasitism), but the state policy and living conditions were completely different. The country needed women both as builders of communism and as mistresses of the house: that before the shift at the factory, you need to take the child to the nursery and feed the husband, and after the shift, do laundry, cleaning and other household chores.

While Soviet women worked at several jobs and fell from fatigue, American women quietly went crazy within four walls: the “housewife syndrome”, which Fridan describes in detail (she calls American families “comfortable concentration camps”), manifested itself in a variety of mental and psychosomatic symptoms - from unexplained headaches and weakness to psychosis with suicide attempts. According to the researcher, the “housewife syndrome” was a direct consequence of the lack of choice and the limited existence of American women who could not fulfill their potential, which made them emotionally unstable.

No one has tried to find out how many women have dreamed of becoming housewives since childhood and are consistently moving towards this goal - but there is a feeling that there are very few of them. Judging by research, in Western countries the decision to leave a job is usually made after the birth of the first or second child - and not only because women want to participate in their upbringing, but also for financial reasons. Although the work of a mother and a housewife, in terms of the services of employees, it costs a lot: what's the point of returning to the office (especially the unloved one) if all the money you earn has to be given to a nanny, cleaner or food delivery service? This problem is especially acute in countries where there are no paid and other benefits for young parents - we already know that Russian women are lucky in this compared to the same American women. At the same time, women around the world still earn less than men, facing discrimination in employment - it is logical that when one of the partners needs to stay at home, and the second - to provide for the family, the roles are distributed in a "traditional" way, even if both advocate equal parenthood and fair distribution of household responsibilities. The problem is that these beliefs are often declared at the beginning of a relationship, but are not implemented in practice: in most cases, women perform at least managerial functions in a couple, and in 70% of Russian families in general, all economic issues. Not to mention, the results of which are not as noticeable as pans polished to a shine, and they require no less strength.

According to studies, in Western countries the decision to leave a job is usually made after the birth of the first or second child - and not only because women want to participate in their upbringing, but also for financial reasons.

hipster housewives

An alternative is offered by the “millennial housewives”, aka “hipster housewives” - these young women have come up with a rebranding of the stereotypical image of the “house wife”. Tess Struve, a trained anthropologist who turned down a job to raise her daughter and cook organic dinners for her family, explains the core tenets of "21st century housewives" at millennialhousewife.com: career, and motherhood (essentially a second full-time career) - and find a way to contribute to the family budget, if necessary, but without being away from children and household chores for a long time. Struve believes that the main difference between “millennial housewives” and desperate women of the 50s is the possibility of choice - and also the fact that modern non-working mothers do not lose touch with the world, since “with one hand they prepare dinner from organic products without GMOs, and with the other they hold an iPhone” . While this image is difficult to take seriously, the desire to be actively involved in the lives of their children, to choose food for dinner thoughtfully and to keep the house in order is understandable - it is not surprising that many working women who are unable to take parental leave, hope to someday become housewives, if the family's financial situation allows such a luxury.

When choosing a “career” as a housewife, many women are likely not aware of all the cultural factors that push them to such a choice - and do not even wonder why their husbands do not consider this option for themselves. However, attempts to convince housewives that they are "wasting the best years of their lives" are desperately reminiscent of calls to "liberate the women of the East", . The Millennial Housewife manifesto may sound naïve, but denouncing women who have chosen to take care of their families over their careers and accusing them of “betraying” previous generations who fought for equality is at least strange. In the end, a free conscious choice is an important value, it remains only to believe in women and give them the opportunity to make it.

Of course, everything is turned upside down these days, and you constantly have to deal with choices. The choice is most often mutually exclusive, and at some point you even begin to envy the secular young ladies of Turgenev's time, who were deprived of this very choice. Although, of course, not so - they had to choose, but only between whether to marry or remain an old maid.

But nowadays, if you compare all the opportunities provided, then your head can hurt. You can become a businesswoman, you can make a creative career or choose something else interesting, and so take place as a person. Conversely, you will simply decide to get married early, settle down at home, and do simple and sweet things. Or you can try to combine both...

It's true what they say: the fewer options, the fewer problems. How to combine all this, and stay in the win? Or which one would be correct? But you know what's good - having a choice - the advantage of a woman. A man has no choice: whether to stay at home or work. He can only choose where and by whom to work. At least something remains right in this life!

Is it embarrassing to be a housewife?

I don't mean decree. And, as they say, at will. For as long as I can remember, I have been working all the time. Starting in the summer between 9th and 10th grade.
I am hardworking. Here's the truth. After work at home, I almost do not sit idle. I cook dinner, teach lessons with the child, clean up (I can’t live in peace if the floors on both floors are not washed at least once a week), wash the dishes, keep clean clothes, feed the cats.
In winter, I clean the snow (this is my physical activity for weight loss), we go skiing with my son in the evenings, and periodically go to aerobics. I also started learning German for some reason. Out of debatable interest. In the summer - after work, tea and at 18:00 - in the garden (and here, for the most part, for weight loss).
In April - May, there was an emergency at work, I worked until 11 pm every day. Laundry - cooking - parent meetings and camping with the class have not gone away. And I had a nervous and physical overstrain ...

The husband looked at it and offered to quit his job. He earns enough. The house is built and the car is. Enough to rest.
But this is what worries me - is it normal if a young healthy woman sits at home (well, how to sit - the house is big, the plot is huge - I won’t sit idle for a day + I can take my son to mugs)? It has been in my head since childhood that it is a shame not to work.
And maybe there would not be these thoughts, but at our enterprise there is a period like "everything is complicated." I have two options before me - either they will cut it (my husband really wants this), or they will increase it. I'm tired of waiting and worrying. Maybe spit on everything and quit? On the other hand, being unemployed is scary...

Are there housewives here who are not on maternity leave? Tell us about the pros and cons of your choice. Maybe I'll look at the situation from a different angle?

If a woman is reading this article, then you can feel free to say that being a housewife is indecent, because ladies who have left work and settled at home are looked at with condemnation, disapproval and even a degree of contempt. And now we are not talking about maternity mothers at all, although it will be useful for them to read everything that is stated below.

No, the opinion is not at all promoted here that all female representatives should leave their jobs at once, and completely immerse themselves in the abyss of everyday life and household chores.

When you have a favorite and profitable job that does not interfere with full communication with the family and guarantee her comfortable living conditions, then everything is just fine.

But what if there is none? Should a married woman work? Why is the percentage of officially employed women in Russia growing? And why, finally, is modern society convinced that ladies are obliged to work on an equal footing with men?

Why did such an opinion appear and take root?

There are some of the most popular stereotypes about this.:

• It is natural for us to think that the one who sits at home is simply hacking, being lazy and showing the first signs of degradation. In fact, it turns out that if I work, then what right does my neighbor have not to work? Disorder!
• It seems to us that there will never be enough money, and that if the whole family does not strive to earn as much as possible, then one of its members suffers from irresponsibility. It turns out that the mother needs to do everything possible for the well-being of her child: buy him the best toys, provide him with the opportunity to attend sections and circles, purchase branded clothes and the latest phone model. In the event that she does not do this, the environment will begin to think about the fact that she does not need to try to make her child the same as everyone else, and that she does not care about his suffering about the second iPad " like Vasya";
• Men are attracted and interested in exceptionally successful ladies, while a married housewife quickly becomes boring, since she has practically no opportunity (or desire) to develop;
• You should not miss the possibility that the husband may leave the family nest, and household chores will no longer seem so important. I'll have to look for a job and throw away my ladle spoons. But how to do it if you only know how to clean the carpet or iron the creases on the trousers?
• Suppose a husband is not going to leave a comfortable wife. But, it turns out that she will forever depend on him financially. She will need to beg for a manicure, a handbag or a trip to a cafe with her friends.

Agree that all this is a strong argument in favor of a positive answer to the question of whether a married woman should work. In fact, they have something to object to.

When can you not bother?

What do you think, should a woman work if her official position does not bring her as much moral and financial satisfaction as maternity leave, for example? Yes Yes!

There is such a category of mothers who have learned to perceive the decree as the best time in their lives, when they can develop themselves and develop their child, be creative, master a profitable hobby and just enjoy their status.

And then, you can think about the following:

• The dilemma of whether or not to work for a married woman can be resolved at a family council. Yes, the total income will decrease, but it is likely that the husband's earnings will be enough for a normal life if the cost items are revised. Decide for yourself whether the pursuit of new gadgets, fashionable clothes, modern technology and jewelry is worth those precious moments that you can devote to yourself, your interests, travel and children;
• It is clear that being at your workplace, it is much more difficult to degrade as a person than constantly staying within four walls. In this case, I would like to say: at home you can find many options and methods of self-improvement, and find a time and place for them all. Everything depends on the person himself, his position in life and the degree of laziness;
• How much do you think a woman who is afraid of a possible divorce and is trying to learn how to provide for herself should work? A lot, especially if she does not trust her spouse to such an extent. Only one thing can be advised here: correct the situation in any way, otherwise, indeed, you will be left alone. But, even if this happens, it is very easy for a single housewife to acquire a new life partner, because men dream so much about rich borscht and fresh sheets;
• Depending on your husband is lovely because he instantly becomes a model of courage, strength and responsibility. It is clear that this is not always the case, but if an excellent relationship has developed between you, then there can be no question of any humiliation.

The problem of working women is that they just can't understand - they don't have to work hard and provide the lion's share of the family budget. But they don't have to stay at home either.

If you want, and there is an opportunity for that, it is quite possible to engage in hobbies, children, washing and cleaning, baking pies, without even thinking about copiers or fax machines.

"Housewife". This concept has recently entered the Russian lexicon. You can try to understand it and answer this rhetorical question. Naturally, opinions on this matter will be different, since people can both discuss housewives and support and welcome them. These are two sides of the coin. In fact, being a housewife is not a shame, and at present it is even prestigious, fashionable and relevant, since in many families women after childbirth remain to care for children, and then do not go to work due to lack of time, opportunities or for some reason. then other reasons. This is good in all respects.

Young women, in fact, are ready to consider themselves housewives, because they don’t need to run to work headlong, get into stressful situations when the boss swears or they don’t pay salaries on time. Housewives themselves can calmly plan all the issues and do only household chores for the benefit of the family. Many women dream of being housewives from childhood to be like their mothers or grandmothers. There are huge advantages in the so-called "housewife" profession. You can distribute the schedule of household chores and chores in a way that is convenient for a woman, and also devote more time to children, their leisure, study, hobbies, which is good for them in the future.

There are also business women who are ready to work in a company, in a factory, in a school or in a hospital. By and large, it is now fashionable to work in large sales corporations, in prestigious firms, in cosmetology centers or in law offices. According to statistics, approximately forty percent of women cannot stand being at home, cooking, washing, cleaning, sewing and doing just that every day. They are ready to work on an equal footing with men, bring income to the general family budget, be useful here and there, although this, of course, requires certain sacrifices. To be in time everywhere, to be everywhere and earn money - it costs a lot of money and effort. This is really not easy, but it is necessary for the self-realization of a woman, not only in a home atmosphere, but also in society.

Of course, no one says that housewives are failed women who can only do the kitchen, family, laundry and cleaning. Being a housewife is not an easy job. This is a profession that is necessary for the family, which requires a lot of experience, time and effort. Also, for child care, women receive a certain amount of money, depending on the number of children born. Housewives also find work at home: they can sew, knit to order, tutor, write articles on the Internet. Here is such a good and hard work of a housewife.

Hi all! This post was prepared as part of the Lena Grishina Friends Club project. This is my third post in the club. Previous posts are also open for discussion)

I also invite you to talk on other topics under the label
Today I would like to discuss with you a topic that concerns almost every girl (woman). On the Internet (and in life) there is an endless confrontation between housewives and working women. There is constant debate about who is better to be. Housewives accuse the workers of being "driven out", tired, living in constant flight, and so on. Those who work see housewives as lazy, in a worn dressing gown, with curlers on their heads, with a child in one hand and a ladle in the other). And also in the fact that sitting at home, a person begins, roughly speaking, to degrade and there is nothing to talk about with him.

In our country, for some reason, it is considered that being a housewife is shameful and they are equated with loafers and almost people lost to society. While in many European countries, a housewife is a whole status that equates them to working women. Is it good to be a housewife or is it better to be working?

Of course, there is no single answer and cannot be. To each his own. But I would like to dispel some myths that are attributed to both.
1) Working women - driven and always tired
It all depends on the work itself, the schedule and the vital energy of a person. If a woman works at her favorite job, does what she is interested in, then for sure her life is easy and eventful. Everything works automatically here.
Although, unfortunately, the opposite is often the case. They go to work just like going to work, like going to a place that pays money and nothing more. At the same time, that same work is not loved (and sometimes even hated). Exhausted at such a job, you have to run home, cook dinner, work with children in your dreams to quickly flop into bed and fall asleep. In this case, really there is a drive, constant fatigue and irritability.
2) Housewives - sluts, in a dressing gown and with curlers on their heads.
In my opinion, this is the most stupid statement. It all depends on the person himself. If a person himself is sloppy or does not take care of himself, then no work will help him. Women "in dressing gowns" are found equally among both working and housewives.
3) Housewives are lazy women who watch TV shows all day. There is nothing to talk about with them, they do not develop as individuals.
I would combine this point with the previous one. Here, too, it all depends on the person himself. There are also working people who, apart from work, are not interested in anything in life. From interests - evening viewing of those serials. And you can only talk to them about what boss .. ozel or how yesterday's series of your favorite film ended. What perishing here personal or spiritual development.
And there are also such housewives who lead an active lifestyle, go to museums, theaters, read, do what they love, and diversify. It is interesting to talk with them on any topic, because they are very versatile personalities.
4) Being a housewife is a shame.
I will tell on my example, because. I was on both sides of the barricades. At the moment I am a housewife. And so far, it suits me and my family. But there was a time when I was ashamed to admit that I did not work. Most often, people, having learned that my children are no longer babies, and I am sitting at home, rounded their eyes and asked: WHY are you sitting at home? And this question was accompanied by SUCH intonation that I was involuntarily uncomfortable in front of the questioner and even ashamed. How is it, the children go to the children's group (that is, they do not need to be nursed), but I DO NOT WORK. For many, for some reason, such a picture simply does not fit in the head. It also happened that I started, as if to justify the fact that I did not work, to explain to everyone that the children were small, often sick, there were no grandmothers - nannies nearby, etc.
But in the end, I got tired of this situation. I just changed MY attitude and vision of it. I do not work, I have free time, which I devote to myself, my family, children, my favorite pastime (of course, needlework))). I am mobile, at any time I can pack up and go somewhere (for example, to rest) and I don’t have to take time off from work, etc. And most importantly, at the moment of my life, this suits me and my family. I'm not ashamed that I don't work. To the question "WHY don't you work" I answer briefly I DO NOT WANT. Let them think whatever they want
Dear Girls, needlewomen, working and housewives, I invite you to discuss this topic!