Instructions

Ease of communication has disappeared, relations have become strained. If you have stopped dissolving in each other, but somewhere deep down you realize that this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, then try to act as follows to revive the fading feelings. so that everyone can do what they want: cross stitching, salsa, kiteboarding, aircraft modeling. You will have new topics for discussion, new impressions and emotions. Of course, it's good when only your partner exists for you, but such an idyll will not last long. In any case, being all the time next to each other, you will read a person like an open book, you will know all the habits and shortcomings of a person thoroughly. It will become predictable and uninteresting for you, so personal space is one of the conditions for refreshing your senses.

No matter how long you meet or live together, you need to win each other over and over again. Remember how you met, how you courted each other, on. Do something a little silly, crazy, or even childish. Winter - play snowballs, make a snowman, sled down a hill, summer - run barefoot in the pouring rain, ride rollerblades, bicycles, autumn - collect leaves for a herbarium, sit in a cozy cafe telling each other funny things, spring - sing serenades under the window, give flowers, write romantic notes to each other. Regardless of the season, try to discover something new in your relationship and cherish the old that warms your soul and heart. Do not get tired of surprising and delighting each other.

Anything happens: setbacks and problems, seasonal depression, internal crisis. You are home in a bad mood, but you don't need to throw out your negativity on your chosen one. Scandals and tantrums have never improved the relationship. Limit yourself only to a story about your poor health, explain that it is not easy for you now, that you need help, and you will certainly be helped, surrounded by care and love... But don't abuse your weakness. Try to ignore external problems next to him / her. You have to be a cheerful person, because the nagging crybaby is very difficult to tolerate without showing negative emotions.

Try to smile and laugh more. Smiling is also a sign of a healthy relationship. How can you not love a cheerful person? Dimples on the cheeks, sparkling with demonic eyes, painfully familiar facial expressions. Give each other joy and smiles.

Once you waited with trepidation for a date, went crazy with intimacy, could not live a day without each other. And where did it go? No, you are still together, but it seems only out of habit. Well, for the sake of the children. And it's not just that your husband has lost interest in you. Worse, that you too have cooled down to it.

Still fixable

Yes, this balding uncle with a belly looks a little like that guy with a dashing bangs, to whom you ran as fast as you could. But, in fairness, you have changed a lot over the years of legal marriage. And, perhaps, also not for the better ... So is it worth blaming these metamorphoses only on him?

If you don’t like the look of your half - give him and yourself at the same time a subscription to the pool. Firstly, common activity brings together, and secondly, it is good for health and shape (and for libido, by the way).

Does the husband look old-fashioned, sloppy? And this is your fault! Urgently take your loved one to shopping and to the hairdresser!

Is there nothing to talk to him about? Have you tried to find out what interests him? Try asking. Suddenly it turns out that he is interested in a bunch of curious things that he did not tell you about, sure that you are not interested.

Has sex become insipid and predictable? All in your hands! Read the Kamasutra - refresh your intimacy.

Relationship chemistry

They say love lives for three years. This, of course, is not the case. Or rather, not quite so. Romantic love lasts two to three years, which is fueled by the hormone dopamine. It is he who is responsible for the feeling of happiness. This hormone then gives way to oxytocin. He is also very important, as he is responsible for attachment. Without it, marriages simply would have nothing to hold on to.

If it seems to you that love has passed, you may be substituting concepts. Yes, butterflies no longer fly in the stomach, the heart does not stop, and all of a sudden all of the spouse's shortcomings became noticeable, which used to be as if under an invisible hat. No wonder - this is all the action of hormones. Therefore, do not rush to jump to conclusions. Good men are in short supply these days! And, since your husband is objectively good, it is not a sin to fight for marriage!

Happinnes exists!

To enjoy marriage again:

Try to think positively. Forbid yourself to look for flaws in your husband - everyone has them, and even you are no exception. On the contrary, seek out virtues and admire them.

Don't compare your husband to others. Even in thoughts, and even more so in words. Men do not like this terribly. They need to know that they are incomparable!

Remember the best moments of the past. But an evening on the couch watching a family album and wedding video is not that. But a romantic walk "through the places of military glory" is already not bad. This will raise your dopamine levels and help melt the ice between you.

Make a date with your husband. But not in the cinema or in the theater, but where you could be alone and chat. For example, in a restaurant where they went before the wedding. Or at a skating rink where you haven't been for a hundred years.

Take a vacation together. You can rush to where your honeymoon was. But it is better to go hiking in the mountains, rafting down the river. Or digging. Extreme excites emotions. In addition, in an unfamiliar environment, your husband will have chances to prove himself in a special way. And then you will fall in love with him again!

Find a common cause. Someone jumps with a parachute together, and someone goes as a volunteer to an orphanage. This will help you to look at your husband with different eyes and not remain indifferent to him.

Communicate more. This is perhaps the guarantee of family happiness. Ask your husband for advice on various occasions, involve him in the discussion of all important issues. But try to listen more, not talk. This will help you get to know your spouse better, discover his new features, for which he can be respected and loved even more.

The mirror principle

Immanuel Kant, philosopher and author of the famous categorical imperative, bequeathed to treat people the way we would like them to treat us. Why not put this principle in the basis of family happiness? In general, start with yourself.

Give your husband gifts. Not for a holiday, but just like that. They don't have to be expensive. And even material. It can also be simple signs of attention: for example, love notes left in the pocket of his jacket.

Compliment. Regularly - five times a day. But praise not for beautiful eyes, but for deeds. Men are like children, ready for a lot for a kind word. He will surely sit down on the praise and want to hear it again and again. And then he will have no choice but to deserve your compliments.

Don't be nitpicky. As Carlson said: "It's nothing, it's a matter of everyday life." Gold words!

Do not wash dirty linen in public. After all, no matter what quarrels occur between a husband and wife, they usually still reconcile, but the negative about the spouse, splashed out on the mother or girlfriend, sits deeply in their heads. And it will destroy your marriage.

First reader

Ilana Yurieva:

Of course, it is better to live with your husband as if you have a first date every day. But if everyday life is stuck, remember the times when you just met: try to reproduce the day of your first meeting. This will stir up the emotions that you had when you first met and fell in love with each other.

Victoria Pimenova

How to awaken love?

You have been married for a long time and reliably, you have an established life and are close in spirit ...

Idyll? A dream for many, but not for you.

There is no spark in a relationship, similar to your favorite house slippers, there is no energy and passion. Love is gone? No, she didn’t leave, she’s just ... asleep. Start your alarm!

All in your hands

The family, as the actor Dmitry Pevtsov said a couple of years ago, is a serious, global work. I got a little lazy - and love flies down a slope, like a train with a gaping driver. Such an understanding came to the macho of Russian cinema not by accident - his own love was almost shattered into smithereens.

It is a pity that they are far from understanding who and feelings, family, and sex require constant investments from both sides - both men and women. Any relationship that lives on its own, including intimate ones, is doomed to failure. Many people realize this only when the husband has gone (or has already hopelessly left) "to the left", or simply - love has cooled down, and former passionate lovers "just live nearby."

Psychologists advise couples with experience not to despair - it is quite possible to wake up sleeping love! Firstly, to correct mistakes, secondly, in many respects, simply start over, and thirdly, with pleasure to continue what was started ... And love will find a second wind!

Endure, part or forgive?

Especially lost and vulnerable are women who face their husband's infidelity. In half the cases, love can be saved, and the cheater can be forgiven. In most cases, men's spree is short-lived, and the stronger sex for the most part does not strive to leave the family even for great love.

An illustrative example is the Strizhenov family, in which Alexander teetered on the brink of divorce for about two years, but preferred his beloved patient wife to a brawler-homeless woman. Catherine for her feminine feat is just right to erect a monument: not only has she saved her family and saved her love, she also breathed a new stream into the relationship.

I have my own secrets, - the TV presenter admits. - First, patience. But it was already on the verge - more than two years on a powder keg, I definitely would not have stood it. Second, the ability to change. Now I try to be very different for my husband - I change images, styles of behavior, I try to be forever a mystery. I will not survive another betrayal, so I simply have to prevent it.

Fortunately for Catherine, her husband changed his mind and returned to the family. If the matter has gone so far that the faithful (not a word, but a mockery) lives in two houses or the romance on the side has dragged on for years - it is worth letting go of such "love" on all four sides. And wave your handkerchief with a light heart.

Self-respect is such a thing, without which life is even worse than without love. And if you are so dependent on your own fears (to lose, not to love anyone else, to spend your old age alone, etc.) that to endure complete neglect of your loved one is not love at all. Love is joy, not suffering, and even more so, not self-torture.

Big change

For those whose love is just a little tired (and not fled to someone else's garden), psychologists recommend several hundred of the most effective recipes to invigorate the senses! And at 40, and at 50 and 60, you can and should love to the fullest, this in the end not only prolongs life, but also significantly improves its quality.

So: first, work on your image. Just change it, but no extremism. You should not repaint from blonde to brunette (and vice versa), as well as go to an unfamiliar hairdresser.

French haircut "on recommendation" and light hair toning - just what you need! Good stylish make-up is another recipe, and you must learn to paint in a different way, even if your “early” make-up was already good. New hobbies (photography, sports, dancing) will add sparkle to your eyes and tone to your figure, and reading new books will add new topics for conversation with your husband. Discussing anything (other than children, grandchildren, colleagues, neighbors, and your own ailments) is a great way to refresh and improve relationships!

A change of wardrobe or its total modernization is another way to appear in front of your beloved in the best possible way. Moreover, much more attention is deserved not by the clothes in which you appear in public, but the ones in which you are at home.

Dump pajamas, old T-shirts, washed bathrobes and other junk. Knitted soft things, a little lace, pastel colors - what you need. But a peignoir with feathers and red stockings with slippers on stiletto heels can frighten a husband - do not overdo it with new clothes!

The same applies to "bed" outfits - change the bed linen and whatever you sleep on. Silk, of course, is a win-win option (especially in terms of tactile sensations), but other delicate textures are also suitable. And of course, color and decor will play into your hands. Scarlet poppies on black, azure water surface, a tropical island - such bed linen will surely create a special mood!

Romance in the bedroom

The bedroom will generally require the utmost attention.

It is better to "evict" from it not only boredom, but also ... drugs. Bottles and blisters create a “retirement” atmosphere in the house, despite the fact that the bubbles are small and seemingly invisible. Instead of medicine, “forget” your perfume bottle and magazine on your bedside table. You can do it without vulgarity - just masculine.

Perfume psychologists recommend having a special one - only for the bed. You are not going to establish a working relationship, but a family-sexual one? Such perfumes are always a little sweeter, but not stuffy, their smell is often described as "powdery". Act on men frankly exciting - just like a pheromone. By the way, the pheromones themselves from erotic shops - alas, do not work. Limit yourself to the delicious scent of haute couture!

Go visit!

Another wonderful aphrodisiac is possessed by such a mere trifle as going to visit.

This is a great moment to destroy the family routine (including the sexual one)! On such an evening, both of you are a little more beautiful and elegant than usual, especially the woman - combed, with "brighter" makeup, on high heels and in stockings. You are more relaxed and cheerful than on a weekday after work - still, new experiences with trusted people both relax and invigorate at the same time.

Slightly excited by a pleasant conversation with friends and good alcohol? So, you can easily get your loved one at the table, while dancing, or in the back seat of a taxi.

The last rows of the cinema hall and the rented limousine "with a curtain" are perfect for sensual romance. You will sit on his lap and kiss like 100 (or 200?) Years ago.

"I'm writing to you…"

Don't forget another powerful alarm clock for a well-established relationship: write a letter to your husband. With a pen. On the paper. No "asek", no mail or other "classmates" - just a classic epistolary genre.

Believe me, a well-written love letter will make your beloved cry, bump into memories, feel, tremble, express your feelings in a word, relive them, and therefore return. Such sincere love letters are kept as a keepsake for many, many years.

If your own words aren't enough, look for inspiration in literature and cinema. The main thing is to write your original with your heart!

10 steps to success

Psychologists advise couples with experience (and it would not hurt "beginners" to adopt) such simple recipes:

• Your courtship doesn't have to end with a honeymoon.
• Do everything for each other with joy, not out of duty. Don't make sacrifices.
• Show how grateful you are to your loved one.
• Remember to say "I love you" at least once a day.
• Touch each other often, hold hands.
• Accept your loved one with his shortcomings, do not try to cope with him. Angels don't exist!
• Be condescending and forgiving.
• Never go to bed irritated and angry.
• Involve the whole family in your “circle of love”, create an atmosphere of joy.
• Let your relationship be expressed in the words of Mark Twain in relation to his wife: "Wherever she was, Paradise was."

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Women who believe that a man can be made to fall in love with themselves are deeply mistaken. This is explained by the fact that the stronger sex falls in love with the subconscious, so seducers should not rely only on external gloss, showiness or deliberate manipulation.

Everything that men are aware of has absolutely nothing to do with love. That is why quite often attractive, intelligent, gentle and sexy women are left alone, wondering why "men always choose just which one."

How do manipulative templates work? A vivid example: a girl puts on a mini, a blouse with a deep neckline, does catchy makeup. This helps to play on the "animal instinct" of the opposite sex, however, we are not talking about real seduction yet. Looking at you, the "male" thinks roughly the following: "Here are the cool ass and chest. I wish I could squeeze them tighter!" Seduction begins only when the man himself cannot explain why he is so attracted to you.

So, your challenge is not thrown down to passions hidden in someone else's soul, but only to gross lust, which is not connected with you personally, but with the weaker sex in general. Unfortunately, situations like this are common. Only one thought ripens in a man's head: "This chick is wearing provocative clothes to turn it on, and I want this woman. However, if that beauty or her friend is wearing the same mini-skirt, I will be pulled on them."

Of course, visual effects, a woman's behavior, her words are capable of attracting attention, catching, that is, influencing the consciousness of a representative of the stronger sex. But the subconscious, in which feelings arise, remains unconquered, because neither intrigue, nor playful behavior, nor lust will help here.

Perhaps some readers will immediately ask themselves the question: why do men who are indifferent to me sometimes fall in love with me? This happens for the reason that in the company of "uninteresting" men, a woman does not think about how she will please the audience; she is liberated, because the subconscious is not blocked. Men do not feel threatened either: nothing foreshadows that they will be seized, and then they will take all measures to "ring" the chosen one.

Any representative of the stronger sex subconsciously knows how to distinguish between "his" and "someone else's" woman - the enemy, which uses "violent" seduction for their own purposes, for the sake of a future with a "victim". A popular saying immediately comes to mind that you cannot be cute forcibly. So it is with the subconscious: access to it through compulsion, attack is impossible!

In order to fall in love with a man, you need to find the key to his subconscious through ... your own! A woman should not only take care of how to look beautiful or how to properly handle, for example, cutlery and glasses in a restaurant, but also comprehend a more subtle and complex science - the ability to feel men as themselves.

Already in a conversation you will know what and how to say to another person, where to pause, ask a question, use facial expressions, etc. The result will not be long in coming: you will see that you are constantly hitting the target, that you manage to win over a man who opens up more and more, reaches out to you, begins to communicate more naturally. To put it simply, it lets you in, gradually opening your soul.

So, let's draw some conclusions from what we've read:

• Men are seduced by those women who do not show obvious interest, do not try to impress.

• The stronger sex circles only around those ladies who perceive them as a "species", but feminists are left behind.
• Love, groom, pamper yourself, dear women! Believe me, people around you (including men) will begin to treat you the same way. He who treats himself with tenderness and care makes him want to take care of his person. Not a single woman who skillfully uses an ax and an oar evokes a desire to approach her and help, but on the contrary, arouses a desire to watch the picture to the end, with obvious interest and a question in her head - "whether she will rake it or not rake it down", will she cut down this tree or will not master it.
• If you can let go of a man at the subconscious level, then 99% of him will not rush to leave you. It’s a paradox, but it’s a fact.

And now, an example from life:

Once a middle-aged woman came to me for a consultation for advice. (Let's call her, for example, Natasha, for the convenience of the narrative, I won't say her real name, so as not to accidentally injure a person). How should she be. I met a man - Valery. Everyone is good: good-looking, money is, housing is also available, not married, but ... one thing. The man immediately set his conditions. He told Natasha something like this: "I am a handsome man, not deprived of female attention, I have a good position in society, I am financially secure and practically do not need anything, so I do not intend, like a freshman, to run after you and fulfill all your whims. me". Natalia is in a panic, what should I do? I have read so many books, have gone through so many women's trainings, they say everywhere that a man is a hunter, give him the opportunity to run after you, but this one flatly refuses, and even on the first date he almost issued an ultimatum.

Natasha is a lonely woman raising one child. But with all this, it is also provided: an apartment, a car, a decent salary, and beauty is not deprived. But I’m tired of living alone, pulling the strap, being both dad and mom.

She clung to this Valery, as if it were the last train.

I had no choice but to convince her of the worthiness of this man. I bonfired this man (God forgive me) as best I could, saying at the end that he is mentally unhealthy, that normal men do not behave like that on the first date. Having added that this is only the first date and so many demands and claims to you - an almost unfamiliar woman, what will happen next? In general, she criticized the man both in the tail and in the mane. She asked several leading questions, Natalya thought about it and finally let go of this situation. After 2 days, a call with gratitude. Is talking: "Eva, do not believe it, as soon as I decided for myself that Valery is not the hero of my novel, as soon as Itold myself- "I will not go on this train, there is another one," so the man immediately changed his tactics. Valery began to call, remind of himself, and suddenly presented a bouquet of roses. And earlier he said: "Flowers are not a gift, they are money down the drain."

And the relationship began to develop in a completely different scenario. This is one particular example, but there are a lot of such examples in my practice.

Draw your own conclusion.

In the ancient books, they give instructions to a woman to become perfect:

1. Perfection.
"A woman should approach her husband in everything and not say what he does not want to hear, so that there is no discord between them."
Interpretation:
Men love to be in charge and do not want to hear the words of reproaches, even if they are fair. The main thing in the family is peace, and for the sake of preserving this peace, a woman should not endure fair or unfair remarks, but try to correct the unfair in other ways, without contradicting her husband in his words and judgments.

2. Perfection.
“A woman should be welcoming, welcoming her husband and respecting his friends and servants. When a husband looks at her pretty face, his soul should be filled with passion and benevolence. A dull look extinguishes passion and desire. "
Interpretation:
A woman should never lose the desire to like. Men love with their eyes and it is important for them to look at their beloved at any moment to feel the desire and pleasure from the sight of their wife. You should never break the rule of being beautiful at any moment when your husband is around.

3. Perfection.
“All the affairs of a woman should be excellent and pleasing to her husband. Then everyone who sees them will grow to her soul. "
Interpretation:
When outer perfection pleases the eye, then one always wants to see inner perfection. Doing good deeds and not doing bad deeds means strengthening faith in your husband. No matter how beautiful the appearance is, but the black deeds will be crossed out. Whoever lives nearby knows everything about business and no matter how the husband is fascinated by the external beauty, when he penetrates into the depths of his soul and sees a tangle of snakes, he will be turned away from his wife. That is why, the law says, you need to do things that are pleasing to your husband, agreed in society, giving respect and admiration.

4. Perfection
"Sweet and tender words that fly from a woman's lips should excite and rejoice, for a tender word is a fetter for a loving heart"
How often do people get used to sitting like in the theater and listening to what is happening on the stage. You have to get up and start playing yourself, then you become a participant in the action, then you are no longer a spectator, but an actor. If you do not play with tender words, then how can you convey the love that is in your heart? Learning to speak softly and passionately is truly the great perfection of a woman. "

5. Perfection
"Perfection lies in the fact that a woman should delight her husband by keeping herself clean, keeping order in the house, taking care of the availability of food and clothing in the house."
Being a mistress and observing all the customs established in the house, so that there is no need for anything, is the fifth perfection of a woman. The house is a boat in which the family floats, and it should not be full of holes.

ADVANTAGES THAT A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE FOR A HUSBAND TO LOVE HER. A HUSBAND'S LOVE FOR A WIFE WILL REST ON THE FOLLOWING EXTERNAL AND INNER FEELINGS.

1. Vision.
“A woman should look after the purity of her hair and nails, but her body should be kept like a newly polished mirror. And when her husband sees her, graceful and seductive, like a playing gem, or polished ivory, his soul is captivated, and he will not get bored of admiring his wife. wives who are kind to husbands. "
Interpretation:
Whoever remembers what men love with their eyes, for that it will not be difficult to take care of themselves and betray their pleasantness and attractiveness to their appearance.

2. Hearing
“A woman should heed the words of learning and wisdom, which endow her with authority, listen to the admonitions in the assembly of those who are knowledgeable and comprehend the many different deeds of people. This will make her hearing perfect. And in everything she should follow the poets and legends that she heard, and study all kinds of women's arts. Such are wives who are kind to husbands. "
Interpretation:
This is a great lesson. For he teaches not to rely on one's own understanding and reasoning, but to teach to rely on the words of learned men and people tested by experience. How often people follow only their own knowledge and get into trouble. After all, what seems at first sweet, then turns out to be bitter, that light turns black, that spacious leads to a dead end. Learning about the stories that happen in the world means being prepared for the fact that one of these stories will happen to you.

3. Smell.
"A woman should keep her body clean and, every day, anoint herself with incense, so that when her husband comes close to her, his soul, filled with a wondrous aroma, is filled with sincere and tender passion."
Interpretation:
To love with charm is characteristic of men, they fall in love with sweet smells without memory, and therefore, surrounding herself with incense, the wife attracts the desires of her husband.

4. Taste
“It is necessary for a woman, getting up after the night, to use a toothpick and rinse so that when she starts talking to her husband, her breath is not fetid. While talking with him, let him not forget about the tender words that delight the soul of a spouse, and be sweet-tongued, for such wives are kind to husbands. When a husband hears his wife's voice, his attraction to her increases. "
Interpretation:
To prevent fetid breath from coming from the stomach, you don't need to gorge on a lot at night. For food rots in the stomach and gives off an unpleasant odor upon awakening, which cannot be destroyed even by rinsing and a toothpick. Watching your food means watching the pleasantness of your breath.

5. During the spoken word of humility.
“Once in Baghdad, the sovereign was angry with one of the maids. Seeing this, the sovereign's daughter asked him - "How has she angered you, my sir?" And as soon as he heard her voice, his anger immediately subsided. Such are the women who know how to say a kind word to a man, truly they are kind to husbands. "
Interpretation:
Nothing soothes a man's anger like a benevolent word; the tone itself can be so pacifying that a man's anger disappears instantly. Warding off anger is a great art, and a woman needs to learn it.

6. Feeling
“A woman should amuse herself with her husband, without hurting him, but try to make every caress only increase his passion. This is what a woman should know about the five external senses in order to be kind to her husband. "
Interpretation:
It means that she should not bite him, torture him and demand more male power from him than that that he can surrender. Only with affection and pleasantness awaken passion in a husband. Improving the soul and body, that is what is needed in affection.

SOURCE - "The Tale of the Valiant, the Lover and the Wise. An anthology of classic Malay prose plus my comments.