Do I need to return to my former partners? Is it worth returning to former partners
Do not fall for the next persuasion of your "ex"! And do not persuade yourself! Don't be humiliated. If we or our partners do not have a sense of our own dignity, if we are so badly brought up, then let's at least have common sense! The same circumstances that led him to think about parting with you will reappear, even if someone agrees to return!
Why you shouldn't go back to your old relationship
For convenience, I suggest talking about a partner of either gender in the masculine gender. However, everything about the pronoun "he" applies in the same way to the pronoun "she". Men and women differ only in behavior in sex and the role in childbirth, and we all have the same psychology.
1. Do not fall for the next persuasion of your "ex"! And do not persuade yourself! Don't be humiliated.
If we or our partners do not have a sense of our own dignity, if we are so badly brought up, then let's at least have common sense!
The same circumstances that led him to think about parting with you will reappear, even if someone agrees to return! After all, neither you nor he has changed! After all, it's not for nothing that you (or from you) so many times wanted to leave! So why pull the cat by the tail?
2. Real statistics say that if you return, the moment when you want to leave again will happen even earlier than six months later.
But you can endure so much time even at a hated job. But how to endure constant sawing and tantrums? How to endure alcoholism, which will only progress? How to endure betrayal? If you are moralized and afraid of the condemnation of society, then formally you will remain “for the sake of the children,” “out of a sense of duty,” etc.
In this case, get ready for premature death from hypertension, stomach ulcers or other psychosomatic nasty things! Do you need it? And your spouse? And the one you give up?
3. I just want to exclaim: "Well, you have a spouse: to get what you deserve, you have to threaten with leaving!"
If you still stay then get ready not to psychological closeness and openness, which we legitimately expect in a relationship, but to harsh manipulations with the help of similar threats, which will certainly be repeated in the future.
After all, he does not understand normal words without threats! And then home and family will be much more stressful work for you than usual. With a strict technological process. Give up a little - they will sit on your head.
4. Think about where the partner will get the strength to fulfill all their new promises?
Yes, he is, of course, afraid and does not want to lose you. Yes, you, of course, are afraid that now he will disappear without you and all that. Yes, he, of course, will try to fulfill everything he promised. But is it easy to do it? Very hard.
But even if we imagine that he is now: will control himself, try very hard to meet your expectations, forget all his previous habits and interests, grow in his career or vice versa, take care of the household, in a word, become a different person.
Can all of these changes be quick? No. These changes will take years. How will he feel next to you while trying to change? Hard. And will he still have, in addition to this tension of strength, for love for you? Unlikely. Do you want to live with a person who, deep down, hates you? Personally, I don't.
5. Is it likely that after the next "reunion", one of the couple will start looking for alternatives?
I don't know the statistics. Those who do this or their victims come to psychologists. Even a shallow analysis shows that the one who persuades the partner to return, in fact, does not love him, and is simply afraid to be left alone.
Therefore, when the persuaded one condescends to the persuaded, then the second is a hostage of his persuasion. And he will have to prove his compliance all the time. Or he will feel that the return is temporary, and will slowly start looking for a “replacement”. Am I describing correctly?
6. If you (or you) are considered temporary, then they will not be able to rely on you permanently.
This means that when distributing material goods, you will be remembered. Well, at any opportunity, they will get rid of you. Published.
Victoria Cherdakova
You still have questions - ask them
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we are changing the world! © econet
Photo: Ashok Tholpady / Rusmediabank.ru
At one time I was an adherent of "cambegs", several years ago I had the foolishness of going back to the same man ten times just to be convinced of the truth that our grandmothers tell us in childhood: "you can't enter the same river twice." On the other hand, stories are known of cases when separated couples regained each other and lived happily ever after.Probably, really not everything is so simple, otherwise 6 out of 10 couples would not try at least once after parting. In order to understand exactly who is right and who is simply not in trend, we will turn to psychologists for help. So, the reasons why a man and a woman, already separated, decide to "try everything again" are as follows:
1. Return to happiness.
The state of falling in love is a crazy state when all feelings are heightened, when the feeling of one's own happiness becomes scary, when it seems that he is ready to walk hundreds of kilometers and swim thousands of rivers, just to see his beloved eyes. Love is a drug that completely cloudes all sound thoughts, when the mind obediently falls asleep, and all emotions and feelings are exacerbated to the limit. When a tremor runs through the body from the touch of his beloved hands, when only his voice on the phone raises the mood. When any ridiculous quarrel is perceived as the end of the world, when you hold your phone in your hands every minute, waiting for a text message from it. When reconciliation is necessary like air, when you want to hug the whole world, when you want to tell him every minute “I love you so much” ... This is happiness. The whole flurry of emotions that accompanies us throughout the entire love story is so strongly imprinted in every cell of our body that, having lost the object of love, we experience a real withdrawal, like a drug. When every cell of our body is so bad and painful that he is ready to do anything, just go back to where everything was so good. Return to happiness. The opinion of experts: the biggest mistake women make when they decide, which in principle does not exist anymore. You cannot go back to the past happiness, because those moments for which you decided to forgive all insults and go to a truce with the former have become history forever. Each time you return to a problematic relationship (which provoked the breakup), you move further and further away from the very feeling of happiness that was at the very beginning. And even having achieved your goal and returning to your ex, hugging his chest and quieting down like a little kitten, listen to your soul. Is she happy? Most likely, she is terribly scared and terribly offended, and she also constantly hurts. Where is happiness in this mix of various feelings? That's right, he is no longer there. It is impossible to return to the past happiness. Never to anyone.
2. Back out of habit.
They say that our habits are ourselves. There is nothing more permanent than our habits, "the higher habit is given to us, it is a substitute for happiness." As you can see, the great classic understood what was at stake. That is why, after parting with a once loved one, many women decide to go back, as they are simply accustomed to a certain way of life. You can get used to everything: to constant betrayal and humiliation, and indifference, scandals, quarrels. Or not get used to it and ruin your life. That is why psychologists are firmly convinced that returning to your ex, you automatically return to the past problems from which you once fled. Only now these problems will be in your life in an exaggerated form, since by your return you clearly made it clear to your ex that you can do this with you! Simply put, returning out of habit, you return not only to your familiar world, but also to your usual problems, from which you wanted to get away. True, this time there will be exactly twice as many problems. Proven by practice. 3. Return for fear of being alone.
Returning to your ex for fear of being alone is one of the most common options. Having “wagged our tail” and going to the competitive market of “enviable brides”, a clear understanding comes that no one throws piles at your feet and does not sing serenades under the balcony. What to choose among married moral monsters who love "hot on the side", elderly pot-bellied uncles from the office, drug-addicted neighbor Vasya and homeless Valera at the garbage can. Against this background, the former, with its many "flaws" that seemed intolerable, now becomes a prince on a white horse. Psychologists are sure that returning to the former from, you need to clearly understand that you will either have to come to terms with all his shortcomings and actions, from which you left the last time, or not return at all. Moreover, having reconciled in advance with what you rebelled against earlier, you automatically renew your subscription to cooler performances, since you have already taken off the crown “I am not like your exes” and “you cannot do this with me”. With you it is possible, and the former understands this very well. 4. Return to get revenge.
An excellent option, but in life it is extremely rare. Firstly, it is necessary to have an iron character in order to play love with a former beloved man, knowing in advance that you will leave him. Secondly, how can you hate him in order to start such an adventure? And thirdly, has he really offended and humiliated you so much that you now need to offend and humiliate him in the same way in order to live on?Psychologists are sure that the best revenge on an ex is simply to become happy without him. Although the word "revenge" is inappropriate here.
5. Return, because love is still alive.
The most difficult option is when a woman returns to her ex, because in spite of everything, she still loves him and this love is enough for a woman to wait and believe that maybe something will change for the better. She deliberately returns to problematic and painful relationships, just because she loves this man. And this is her only motive.Psychologists say that in this version, each comer will be many times more painful than the previous one, because "people do not change" and, returning to your old relationship, you automatically return to the old problems that caused the breakup. Time after time cutting off living pieces of flesh from herself, a woman in love will increase the time of parting and, with all her last might, so as not to return. The ending of such a story is usually very tragic: love dying in parts is a torture that can break even the strongest woman. Better to leave once and get sick than prolong the agony for many years. Eventually, even the strongest love dies, but a contemptuous disgust for the former lover is added to the feeling of emptiness. It is better to leave once, get sick and leave pleasant memories about the former, with which you can live on, than exhaust yourself to the point of frenzy and still part.
To summarize: you should not return to the former, unless only once, and even then, after thinking it over, since one couple of ten “returnees” live together “happily ever after”.
Today I decided to reflect on the loss of love and the return of ex-loved ones. On this score, I have a rather harsh opinion, different from other trainers, who will offer you a lot of ways to do it.
I decided to voice it all the same. And then shower me with slippers. But this is so. After all, this is a rubric about what really is in the head on various topics.
Many requests come with questions, how to return a loved one / husband? How to make him madly in love with me after the breakup? How to beat your opponent? What to change in yourself so that he comes back? Well, all kinds of questions on this topic.
My first question is for you, my dears. "Why do you need a person who left you?"
I suppose the answer will be: "I love him, and we were so happy / or were not."
In fact, when we miss a person, we miss ourselves who was there for him. Understand that you lack love inside. External - the presence of a partner nearby, it cannot be replaced.
If you do not love yourself, there will never be a worthy candidate next to you.
There will always be such "mirrors" that will pull it out. They will constantly return you to yourself. And by what methods, it already depends on you.
You will feel unworthy of a normal relationship, there will certainly be those that humiliate you.
Do not trust and control your partner, will definitely cheat.
You feel like a victim, there will be a tyrant next to you.
Afraid to lose, it will definitely go away.
Everything that is inside you will be mirrored by your partner. He has come to give you a lesson for your development.
If you pass it safely, then the relationship either improves, or the person leaves your life (it all depends on what exactly he had to show you).
And then you find yourself a more worthy person, provided that you achieve a harmonious relationship with yourself. If you do not achieve it, the Universe will certainly give you a lot of lessons.
And again the same question: "Why do you need a person who left you?"
Feel like a Real Woman who deserves the best in life. Lift your head up and walk towards happiness, without the burden of a past life.
And I also wanted to note that a Real Woman has no rivals.
Rivals appear only when you belittle yourself, feel worse than other women. Perhaps someone is more beautiful or more successful than you. This is absolutely no reason to feel worse, we are all unique. It is a feeling of low self-esteem. Work on it.
After all, it is precisely the situations with infidelity that reveal that you do not trust your partner, you feel worse than other women, you do not love or value yourself. All of this from the inside attracts situations in your life to pull it out.
Understand how you feel about it, work it out. And with your head held high, move on, so that such lessons are not repeated.
And I also want to say about the man's departure. This situation gives you a great opportunity to understand yourself. Find a Real Woman in yourself. And, perhaps, a more worthy candidate has been prepared for you by the Universe, who will meet you after realizing all the previous lessons.
Why do you constantly return to the past, it will NEVER return. You have changed and the person has changed. Everything, there will be no repetition. It can only be better in a new relationship, everything else is a passed stage and the experience gained. Use it to your advantage.
So "Why do you need to return the person who left you?"
And yet, if you had to part with a loved one for some unforeseen circumstances, I can console you, if this is your person, then he will definitely be there. And if not, then there is no need to regret it. You deserve the best, understand this.
I will not give you advice on the return of loved ones, I will give you another advice.
Return to yourself, feel like a Woman - Goddess, work through all your feelings, fill with energy - then there will be no end to normal men. And most importantly, don't cycle on it. Everything will be at the right time for you.
And remember that you need to love and appreciate yourself, so as not to be humiliated by the return of your loved ones. Just imagine yourself in his eyes, when you are trying in every possible way to return him. Horror ...
And I can assure you there are no such methods that the Woman-Goddess would use to humiliate herself with such an action. She is the Mistress of her world, and by no means a man who becomes the center of your world at the moments of your return. Remember this. And this is not pride, it is awareness of one's own worth.
She can only become even happier without him, so that he regretted it, and then she will do it for her own sake, and not for the sake of revenge.
Perhaps you will now think that it is easy for me to talk about this, because I did not experience these feelings.
I can assure you that in a past life there were moments of such unrequited love, but I have always valued myself more than such men. And after you understand that you deserve the best, then the pain of loss immediately disappears, and new horizons open up.
If you have something to say on this topic, then I look forward to your comments.
Meditative Monalisa
Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky to meet their love quickly. On this path, one has to deal with the most diverse representatives of the strong half of humanity, relations with whom sooner or later end. And it also happens that for some reason the lovers break up, but the feelings do not disappear anywhere. And then the man tries to return his beloved, even if he was the first to announce the separation. So is it worth returning to your ex if life once divorced you ?!
Should you go back to your ex
Something happened that you could not believe, the day came when your loved one left your life. Time has passed, in the past there are painful days when you had to deal with the pain of separation, the experiences caused by his betrayal, and the despair that you will never be happy again. And then one fine day he again reminded of himself, wishing to return and, begging, to forgive him. Despite the fact that you tried with all your might to get rid of love, she reminded of herself as soon as you heard his voice or saw after a long separation. But the voice of reason, which is now much louder than before, requires you to think carefully before making a decision. The pain caused by the person you trusted the most left behind fear and bitter experience. And few people can immediately forget about what happened, especially if the loved one returned not after a week, but after months or years. The heart rushes to him, but the mind warns, and the fair sex begins to be overcome by painful doubts: whether it is worth returning to the ex-boyfriend, whether he will leave again, whether he will offend, or betray. Therefore, before making a final decision, give your mind the opportunity to make the right decision on how to act in such a difficult situation.
No one will answer whether this is real love, whether this will happen again, and whether a woman can forget about what happened and continue to build relationships as before. The human psyche is so arranged that it is designed to protect him from any situations that destroy health. Therefore, the experience gained has such a strong influence on decision-making in similar situations. And a large number of women, after an unsuccessful experience of relationships with men, can withdraw into themselves and subconsciously refuse to search for love only because they no longer want to be betrayed. Treason in its destructive power is in second place after the death of loved ones.
It is very important not to rush, but to understand what you really want and why you are ready to try to renew the relationship with your ex again. Very often this desire is caused not by the remaining love, but by the fact that they did not have time to let go of emotional attachment. And if you make a mistake in assessing what feelings make you return to your ex, you can doom yourself to new pain. After all, very rarely people know how to work on themselves and correct themselves. After some time, everything will return to its place, and it is not known whether the man wants to leave again.
Photo: Is it worth returning to the former
Listen not only to your heart. Use common sense, take your time. If you find it difficult to cope with feelings, start the relationship not from the point at which it ended, but from the day you met. In other words, do not rush to move in, live separately, meeting, as if you had just met. To avoid repeating past mistakes, make changes in your relationship. Probably, during the time of separation, you have already thought about what you were wrong about, why your beloved man left you. Change something in your behavior, give what he lacked. Of course, there is no need to change dramatically, because he returned to you, realizing that it is hard for him without you, but changes for the better will not interfere, first of all, with you personally.
If you were the initiator of the break, then all the more do not give in to the feeling of guilt when he again knocks on your life. It is the hardest thing for a woman to make a decision to end a relationship. And if it was adopted, then there are good reasons for this. No one is able to guarantee that they have disappeared, and the representative of the stronger sex with whom you parted has changed for the better. So it's better not to prolong your suffering, but to survive the break and move on.
But if you are sure that love has not died and that he is the only one with whom you want to live your whole life and are ready to forget past grievances, like your chosen one, then you have a strong will and are able to rebuild your relationship.
Is it worth returning to an ex-man: we take it apart point by point
- If a man dumped you without considering your feelings, he can do it again. By giving him another chance, you will demonstrate that you are ready to forgive him. But there are no guarantees that he corrected himself and learned a lesson from what happened. Moreover, if it was done by the husband with whom you have lived for many years in marriage. If you do not feel that you are ready to forget everything, and the resentment reminds of yourself again, and doubts about his loyalty torment your soul, let him go. Think about yourself, if he leaves again, the pain will be even stronger, because it will mix with the feeling of annoyance. You will begin to blame yourself for being reckless in allowing him to return.
- When a relationship ends due to serious disagreements or the feelings that once connected two people have disappeared, there is no point in torturing yourself. Very rarely, after separation, love can return again, not burdened with memories and resentments. Few people are able to forget the past painful experience, because only he protects a person from repeating mistakes. Plus, breaking up doesn’t help you deal with disagreements that haven’t been resolved.
- Never return to your ex if he raised his hand, humiliated and insulted you. A man who does not take into account the feelings of the fair sex, allows himself to ridicule everything that she does, constantly tries to offend and offend, is not worthy of attention. His desire to return is caused not by the fact that he realized his mistakes, but by the fact that he loves to manipulate people, and enjoys it. He simply cannot find a better victim.
- After parting due to infidelity, there is very little chance of re-establishing a trusting and warm relationship. Of course, if you work on yourself, you can let go of all resentments and start all over again, but this will require a great desire and great willpower. Ready to fight for your love, forgive betrayal. No - do not torture yourself, or the children, or him. Constant memories of betrayal, pain and reproaches that you can unwittingly shower your ex-man with will turn your life into continuous torment.
- A positive answer to the question "Is it worth returning to the former" is possible only if people parted without mutual insults and reproaches. They do not have a list of complaints about their partner, when they see each other, they do not have painful memories, or the parting happened calmly and even unexpectedly. People can part over a trifle and then suffer all their lives, so in such a situation, when feelings reminded of themselves again, it is better not to resist them. This relationship can be the one you've always dreamed of.
- If loved ones have defended your ex who wants you back, listen to them. From the outside, it is always easier to determine what feelings a person actually experiences, and whether he is worthy of you. But only if you have people you trust unconditionally. And although female friendships exist, sometimes a friend may have feelings for your ex and hope that you will break up. It is unlikely that she will give you sensible advice. Do not rush to look at everyone with suspicion, but in your personal life, follow only advice from those people who may not be personally interested in the situation.
- It is worth giving a second chance when you really want to make sure once and for all that the relationship has exhausted itself. Otherwise, excessive caution can poison future life. Better take a chance, maybe the return will be the triumph of the love that tied you.
Photo: Is it worth returning to the former
Any parting leaves pain in the heart and a misunderstanding of why this happened. It doesn't matter if you or your chosen one made the decision to end the relationship, sometimes old feelings flare up again. And then you are faced with a difficult choice - whether to return to the former or continue to build a new life. Only you can answer this question. Love has not faded away in your heart, and you have not been able to get rid of it, then follow the golden rule: "If there is a desire to do something, it is better to do and regret than not to do it and suffer for the rest of your life."
Not everyone is capable of putting an end to a failed relationship. Sometimes we become so merged with the past that we are ready to feed ourselves with any excuses, if only the game continues. It was once a partner who caused us suffering, pissed off, tested our patience, now everything has changed. At least we really hope so. But in real life, such an assumption rarely ends with a happy ending.
Why not stir up the past? We will uncover 8 false beliefs that the mind comes up with in an attempt to cling to past feelings. Don't repeat these mistakes.
8 myths that make you come back to your ex
1. The ex-partner knows us inside and out, there is no need to grind
This is a very convenient excuse not to look for anyone, returning to an old relationship. You have already been studied up and down, you do not need to pretend to be a shy person, to initiate into your eating habits or everyday habits. The ex knows that you hate to cook, that you do not take panties on vacation, and discussing what "cockroaches" is taboo for him. On the other hand, this knowledge did not help to avoid the disagreements that led to the breakup. Is it worth betting on them this time?
2. The former is actively seeking, which means he loves
If earlier there was no return and attention from a partner, then parting changed everything. He suddenly began to do everything that you so expected of him - to meet you from work, give flowers, write poetry, earn money and promise to have a child together. Such activity is flattering, it seems that he woke up, realized his mistakes and cannot let you go. Alas, this is a delusion. The ex wants to touch yours and play back everything in order to regain control of the situation. He has not changed, this is a common manipulation. The concert will end as soon as you give up the slack.
3. The spat was contrived and stupid
Of course, if this is the first relationship, you should think about what caused the breakup: did not give flowers for the holiday, did not like your parents, did your friends say too much? All this is fixable if you love, if you have common goals and plans for life. Another thing is when the cause of the discord was weighty - a constant lie, the partner's unwillingness to take responsibility. Then you should not discount past experiences and anxieties, otherwise history will repeat itself.
4. He rethought and changed a lot
Do not fall for this subconscious trick, people rarely change! To correct habits, you need to work a lot on yourself, you need tremendous motivation, support from the outside or a crisis that will force a person to reconsider something in his role repertoire. Personal growth lasts for years, we ourselves must want it. Think about whether your partner had the time and reasons for such drastic changes? If not, don't be in a hurry to be deceived.
5. It's hard to find a better partner, we just got excited
New relationships force us to leave our old comfort zone, which is always stressful. You have to get used to the new man, to compare him with the ex. And then it turns out that the gentleman is joking strangely, smells of a different cologne, does not hold the hand so confidently, and instead of a beautiful shirt, he put on a sweater with deer. All of this is shocking. It is as if we are deliberately looking for negativity, dwelling on what we have lost. Let go of the past and give the present a chance.
6. Let's leave friendly sex, and then it will be seen ...
Almost half of ex-partners continue to maintain a sexual relationship after a breakup, you are not unique. It is comfortable, satisfies the instincts, and also gives hope for the restoration of relations: since everything is fine, why not start over? This is the catch. Perfect sex does not guarantee perfect understanding, resentments still sit inside you, at zero. Do not succumb to weaknesses, be reasonable. Sex with an ex dulls feelings, inhibits development and attempts to change life.
7. Better to live together than alone
If your partner is annoying in many ways, causes discomfort, but consciousness continues to insist that this state of affairs is "normal", do not listen to him! There are many single women around who are jealous of married couples. Do not be afraid of their fate, do not tolerate a bad attitude towards yourself. Why did you decide that you will no longer meet an interesting man with whom your world will change? Why did they give up on themselves so early, deciding to pull the strap of the "victim"? Change your thinking, learn to value yourself.
8. This time everything will change
The paradox is that everything will only get worse, rarely when a breakup brings partners closer together, more often the opposite. Your grievances will not be forgotten, as well as the experienced fears will remain. In addition, the previous level of trust will be difficult to restore. If your partner changes once, how can you convince yourself that it won't happen again? If you both gave up so easily then what to expect from your endurance now?
You either fit together or you don’t. You can climb out of your skin, adapt, give a hundred chances. Or you can take a lesson, thank you and move on, towards someone you don't have to be strong with. To a man with whom everything will fall into place.