To begin with, you need to understand why a conflict arose. Sometimes the reason lies in a bad mood, fatigue, irritation, or even an attempt to attract the attention of the spouse. In such cases, the quarrel can begin literally on scratch. The best solution is to deal with a true cause. Relax, raise yourself a mood or talk to a partner about the lack of attention.

During the conflict, do not go to personality and follow your statements. The quarrel will end, and the words take back will not work. Therefore, when you feel that you are starting to lose control over yourself, offer to make a five-minute pause. Get out of the room, squeeze the fresh air, drink water, and when calmed down - come back and continue the conversation.

Methods of solving conflict

Sometimes you can make concessions. If you feel that you are willing to give up victory, it is better to declare a truce. But it should not be so that one person is always inferior. Such tactic only creates the illusion of well-being, but the tension accumulates. And when the bowl of patience of the inferior is perceived, unresolved conflicts can destroy marriage.

In some cases, it is possible to compromise. For example, if you want to buy grapes, and your spouse - pears, you can buy both. But such a tactic does not work in all cases. Sometimes the spouses come to the decision "Neither you nor to me, when no one gets desirable. Then the insult appears at each side.

The best way to solve the problem is cooperation. You must get to the place of the opponent and understand his desires. Together, you can find a solution that can resolve the conflict peacefully. There should be no screams or disputes, everyone puts forward proposals and they are discussed. Riding all the options, you can find a decent solution that will arrange every side.

If nothing helps

When spouses come to a dead end and no one wants to make concessions, you need to use the services of a specialist. Contact your psychotherapist who can look at the situation impartially, hears both parties and help come to a decent solution.

So that there are no fatal conflicts, because of which the family is destroyed, it is necessary to discuss serious issues in advance. Before the wedding you need to know a person, determine your compatibility, how coinciding your views in certain matters. After all, if one spouse wants a lot of children, and the other does not want them at all, finding a solution, both sides, almost impossible. Someone will have to go against their desires or the family will collapse.

Family conflicts and ways to resolve them

Any intramearial situation can theoretically be conflict. It depends solely from the behavior of spouses during the conflict.

When partners acutely react to any contradiction and try to prove their right point, we are dealing with conflict. However, if the complex situation is discussed calmly and goodly, the spouses seek reconciliation, and not to find out who is right, and who is to blame, then the seriousness of the conflict is significantly reduced.

Three most unsuccessful behavior tactics for family conflict:

1. Position of a third-party observer.

An example of a conflict in the family: the wife discovered a complete indifference to a broken crane. She is silent waiting for her husband guess to take tools! Most often, waiting is dragged and explosion.

2. Open conflict.

Another unsuccessful way to resolve the conflict: a quarrel with reproaches, mutual claims and insults.

3. Stubborn silence.

This method is in mutual stubborn silence, when both sides are offended by each other, but no one goes to the discussion. In this case, spouses mastering a feeling of pity, anxiety and insult.

All of the above behaviors do not contribute to resolving problems in relationships. In order for the family to become a reliable rear for spouses, they must receive moral and psychological support from each other. To make mutual trust, it is important to be able to listen, understand and go to each other towards.

Good conflict resolution methods:

1. Open and calm dialogue.

Spouses should strive to go towards each other. It is important to discuss the current problem constructively, without charges and reproaches, with a search for the optimal solution for both.

2. Understanding the partner.

Spouses should avoid negative tactics, such as ignoring, egocentrism, accretening the personality of a partner, and use constructive: active hearing of a partner, understanding said and underwent them. 3. The ability to change.

It is necessary to be able to make steps towards the partner, change its position and views as a marriage places its new requirements.

4. Follow the importance of the spouse.

Saying a partner thanks and what appreciates him, respect and admire them, is one of the most effective ways to arrange a spouse in their direction, to be heard and achieve mutual understanding of almost any matter.

The trust of the partner may be collapsed due to the fact that its experiences are not perceived seriously, they are considered unimportant, insignificant, persistent attention. If the experience of the partner becomes the subject of ridicule and jokes.

When it seems to us that we do not understand us, we feel lonely. Hands are lowered, and disappears to communicate and discuss something important. So spouses begin to distance apart and cease to be one.

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Warning of family conflicts

Warning and resolution of family conflicts should be considered as the main activities to manage such conflicts. Often, when resolving family conflicts, use the services of an intermediary.

Warning of family conflicts depends on all family members and, above all, from spouses. It should be borne in mind that some small family quarrels may have a positive direction, helping to agree on controversial issues and prevent larger conflict. But in most cases, family conflicts should not be allowed. The main ways of preventing family conflicts depend on potential conflict entities (spouses, parents8e8, children, relatives, etc.). For each specific occasion in the recommended literature you can find useful tips.

Ways of Warning Family Conflict

Here we will call only the most common ways of preventing family conflicts arising from the socio-psychological laws of family development. These ways are:

* Formation of psychological and pedagogical culture, knowledge of the foundations of family relations (first of all it concerns spouses);

* raising children taking into account their individually and psychological and age features, as well as emotional states;

* organization of the family on the full basis, the formation of family traditions, the development of mutual assistance, mutual responsibility, confidence and respect;

* Formation of a culture of communication.

Ways to resolve family conflicts

Conflicts existed, and will exist, they are an integral part of human relations. They arise due to the differences between people, due to the fact that the actions, ideas, feelings for each of us are not alone and sometimes come into a collision with each other.

Based on David Johnson's work, you can offer one of the possible models of behavior to resolve the conflict situation.

The following factors play an important role in constructive resolution of conflicts:

Adequacy of conflict reflection.

Often in a conflict situation, we incorrectly perceive our own actions, intentions and positions, as well as actions, intentions and points of view of the opponent. Typical reflection of perceptions include:

Category is a vision of relations with his spouse (spouse) in "black and white tones." If in some aspect of marriage is determined by the problem - you are inclined to believe that marriage is doomed. And on the contrary, if there is progress in any field of relationships, then you are completely calm for marriage in general.

Pessimism - you notice, and give a value only negative moments and ignore the positive sides of your marital life. Your forecasts for a joint future are quite gloomy.

Subjectivism - you ignore the obvious, operating "our own" facts. You are accustomed to using your feelings as evidence of anything.

Lightness - you are sure that there are no problems or that individual, having a place, the facts do not have any meaning for your marriage.

Idealism - you have a romantic look at life. Your expectations regarding yourself, partner and marriage as a whole are not realistic.

Unrealistic requirements - you demand from the spouse to be as you want to see it. The most common words in your vocabulary "must" and "obliged".

Orientation for comfort - you feel about marriage, as the instrument for satisfying only your needs and improve the level of only your comfort.

The jams - you "looping" in one, more often negative, event and further consider relations with the spouse through the "prism" of this event.

Fatalism - you refuse to change in your marriage, not because everything suits you, but because "it is impossible to change anything." The principle "What will happen is that will be."

Conservatism - you are considering a marriage as a preemptive stereotype of relationships. External impacts cause you anxiety. Thoughts about what you need to change something - fear.

Socialization - you are considering marriage from the position of the victim and the need to constantly sacrifice something: to preserve marriage, for someone or something. Classic example: for children. The main mistake is that children adopting your way of relationships are implementing it in their families, condemning themselves to the same role of "victim" (the principle of negative programming).

In any conflict, both partners are experiencing so-called mixed feelings. On the one hand, everyone feels dislike, anger or hatred for another, the desire for the enemy refuses his position, on the other, the opponents have more friendly feelings generated by the entire set of previous relations, as well as the desire for mutual understanding and consent.

Knowing this, in a conflict situation, it is necessary to carefully analyze its feelings in specific cases.

Openness and efficiency of communication of conflicting parties;

This is the basic condition for constructive conflict resolution. Therefore, sometimes it makes sense at the very beginning of the conflict to take risks and as much as possible, even if in a sharp form, to express each other what you feel. At this point, it is pointless to try to decide something, the main thing is not to offend and not humiliate a partner.

The mutual expression of feelings can help in creating conditions for the use of communication in order to construct the exchange of thoughts. And also, you should avoid threats, lies, attempts to manipulate partner, because these actions are dictated by the desire to take over the opponent, and not to achieve mutual consent.

Creating a climate of mutual trust and cooperation.

The conflict is permitted more successful if both parties are interested in achieving some general result that encourages cooperation.

Determination of the creature of the conflict.

The more accurate to determine the essential elements of the conflict, the easier it is to find funds for effective behavior. Sequential behavior aimed at overcoming the conflict as a whole involves several stages:

a) determining the main problem;

b) determining the cause of the conflict;

c) search for possible ways to resolve the conflict;

d) a joint decision on the exit of the conflict;

e) the implementation of the planned joint way of resolving the conflict;

(e) Evaluation of the effectiveness of efforts undertaken to resolve the conflict.

Family conflicts and ways to resolve them

Any intramearial situation can theoretically be conflict. It depends solely from the behavior of spouses during the conflict.

When partners acutely react to any contradiction and try to prove their right point, we are dealing with conflict. However, if the complex situation is discussed calmly and goodly, the spouses seek reconciliation, and not to find out who is right, and who is to blame, then the seriousness of the conflict is significantly reduced.

Three most unsuccessful behavior tactics for family conflict:

1. Position of a third-party observer.

An example of a conflict in the family: the wife discovered a complete indifference to a broken crane. She is silent waiting for her husband guess to take tools! Most often, waiting is dragged and explosion.

2. Open conflict.

Another unsuccessful way to resolve the conflict: a quarrel with reproaches, mutual claims and insults.

3. Stubborn silence.

This method is in mutual stubborn silence, when both sides are offended by each other, but no one goes to the discussion. In this case, spouses mastering a feeling of pity, anxiety and insult.

All of the above behaviors do not contribute to resolving problems in relationships. In order for the family to become a reliable rear for spouses, they must receive moral and psychological support from each other. To make mutual trust, it is important to be able to listen, understand and go to each other towards.

Good conflict resolution methods:

1. Open and calm dialogue.

Spouses should strive to go towards each other. It is important to discuss the current problem constructively, without charges and reproaches, with a search for the optimal solution for both.

2. Understanding the partner.

Spouses should avoid negative tactics, such as ignoring, egocentrism, accretening the personality of a partner, and use constructive: active hearing of a partner, understanding said and underwent them. 3. The ability to change.

It is necessary to be able to make steps towards the partner, change its position and views as a marriage places its new requirements.

4. Follow the importance of the spouse.

Saying a partner thanks and what appreciates him, respect and admire them, is one of the most effective ways to arrange a spouse in their direction, to be heard and achieve mutual understanding of almost any matter.

The trust of the partner may be collapsed due to the fact that its experiences are not perceived seriously, they are considered unimportant, insignificant, persistent attention. If the experience of the partner becomes the subject of ridicule and jokes.

When it seems to us that we do not understand us, we feel lonely. Hands are lowered, and disappears to communicate and discuss something important. So spouses begin to distance apart and cease to be one.