What to do if a classmate has offended. My classmates hurt me. Knowing that you are unique is the path to a great future

I study at a school in Mytishchi. When I am at school, my classmates abuse me. They take away things, take away a backpack and call names. What should I do?
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Daria, age: 02/15/2014

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Hi Dasha!
Understand, this happens to everyone. They called me names too, took away my things. The girls were even beaten in the toilet.
People don't like it when someone is not like them. Probably you just have your own world, maybe you don't like to talk with buzzwords, maybe you don't look like your classmates outwardly. But don't be discouraged in any way :)
Honestly, I wouldn't complain to teachers and parents because your classmates might get even more angry. Just be patient a little. For 8 years I was constantly bullied, but once there is a moment when people grow up. Now I am in the 9th grade and they even respect me.
I do not recommend changing schools either. The new team may take a long time to get used to you. It may even happen that it gets worse at another school.
Maybe my advice will seem to someone wrong and that you need to immediately run to your parents and go to another school, but, in my opinion, such actions will be more reasonable. People get used to everything.
Patience, Dasha :)
Cheer up, almost everyone had this, maybe even more serious.
If you need to talk, then write here.

Masya, age: 16/04/2014

Hello, your situation is familiar to me .... I also had this, I changed 2 schools. You know how I did if my backpack was taken away, I continued to study and when the lesson began, the teachers asked me where your pen, notebook, etc., I replied that my classmates hid ... You know, they are not offended by fools, they are not better than you.

Ekaterina, age: 02/05/2014

Oh school, school, we all miss her so much ...
Alas, I cannot give universal advice on how to protect oneself from psychological violence at school. By itself, the situation that a girl is being offended is extremely abnormal, I can only express my sympathy that your guys are deer classmates. Try to solve the problem through your parents, let dad find out the phones of the parents of especially stubborn classmates, talk to them, but better personally. Ask the teachers for protection, this is of course almost useless, but it will give some effect. Perhaps the school has informal leaders among the students, usually they are sportsmen. Talk to this person personally, describe the situation, if the guy is normal, then he will definitely help. And most importantly, do not be discouraged, and know that you are stronger than this herd of ill-bred rams!

Roman, age: 31 / 17.02.2014

Hi Dasha!
Yes, it happens in life. My son was also offended in the kindergarten, the kindergarten is not a school, but they were offended for a long time, but he was a fundamentally harmless child (I always brought him up so that he would not harm anyone, especially the weak, explained why it was harmful and why it was not right (for the sake of his happiness and spiritual peace, so as not to be poisoned with anger, hatred and other black feelings and experiences, otherwise it is bad, it will be a dead end)). In general, there were a few hooligans in that kindergarten, but those that were also fought and took away, spoiled things, insulted. But later, due to the fact that they did not receive harm from him in return, everyone became his friends, although one did not manage to become a friend, but he ceased to be an enemy - he was the most harmful.
But it cannot be said that my son simply endured everything and did not respond with anything to these actions, I explained to him that he needed to be not only harmless, but also a strong and truly patient (resistant to difficulties), not a weak person. Sometimes you need, it happens, to give back if the situation is already bothering you enough, but to do this, try without anger, just to stop his bad behavior, for your own and his benefit, but more often you need to be able to defend yourself well and speak correctly with these children, i.e. e. talk with these hooligans, ask and demand an answer from them why you are behaving this way, I didn’t do anything bad to you, and didn’t treat you badly, and I don’t want to. Those. not to be silent and not to allow yourself to be spread rot, to be not harmful, but bolder and more persistent, and if you cannot cope with force, then be courageous and speak the truth, speak to them correctly rationally - it is important, without insults, but to put questions before them. Then they will see that the person does not want to harm them, which means that he is not dangerous for them (i.e. there is no reason to compete with him), but at the same time he does not hate them, he talks to them and is not too afraid, and he defends the right things , correct views and principles. It commands respect even from not very good people. Ask them what they dislike about you, why they do this, and they will most likely say. What is their grievance against you, because of their dress or behavior? what is so important? More important than being human and getting along well? If they envy, for example, that you are friends with someone and they are not, then please, you can be friends together, you need to look for some kind of reasonable and correct way out, if there is one.

I had a friend at school and he was good-natured, positive, not spiteful, not harmful, and as a result - not intimidated and did not particularly clung to him, but once a bully began to attack him, even began to hit him in the face and tell him all sorts of insults, I don't remember what, he defended himself and then said, "leave me alone!" Well, that was all over, he was no longer offended. Those. I don’t know, being a harmless, good person with the right views and principles, and a little courageous, positive in regard to difficulties and being able to defend well is often enough not to be offended too much.

Do not be afraid, do not fence yourself off from them, who knows, maybe this attitude towards you will pass, maybe even make friends, I also had enemies at school, then I even became friends - this also happens. Although it is not necessary to be friends, there is no reason to be at enmity either, you can just treat not badly and not be friends. Do not hate them - they are just children, your age, although abnormally, not behaving correctly, and for their benefit and for your own sake, you should not allow them to do this.

And finally, if all this does not help, and if it gets worse, then you need to tell your parents not to lead to any dangerous situation, they will just raise your problem for discussion at school with teachers, a director, etc. and, if it is impossible to come to an agreement with these girls on good terms, then they will take measures towards them, or they will come up with something else (maybe they will talk to the parents of the children or to themselves). You don't have to be afraid of this, not to tell your parents at all costs ... it depends of course on the situation, but I think this is not the right advice, but it's better not to rush into this too, if there is nothing dangerous to health. Forget about insults - words do not leave bruises. These are trifles, things are taken away - this is worse, but here you can talk to them, try to solve everything with words, maybe not very quickly, but reliably, if only this, if not beaten, then forget it, this is not very bad, with people it gets worse. And if they start beating you or threatening you, explain that you will tell your parents why they should not be ashamed to crowd at you alone, but in such a situation you cannot turn to your parents (closest people)? It is quite possible - this warning alone will be enough. And if there is a danger to health, not to mention more - tell your parents, there is nothing shameful or wrong in this. just if you tell your parents about trifles, then of course it will make them more angry, and this behavior of a too weak person will not be respected, and if for a sufficiently serious reason, then it is right to tell the parents. To take things away is like, on the one hand, they do not beat, but on the other, and not such a trifle, things cost money - your parents' money.
In general, after reading and thinking over all the tips that people have written here, try to find a middle ground on how to best and best act in your situation.

Sergey, age: 33 / 03/18/2014

One piece of advice is to find a friend who can protect you. Which, no matter what, will not leave you.)))

dragowhip, age: 12/14/2015

They offend the weak in order to appear stronger themselves. If there are no obvious differences from others (by the way, strange, aggressive behavior can also cause a reaction!
you treat badly, or inadequately, they respond in the same way), then you need to work on character. It's good, of course, to find good friends who would support you (or contact
to parents, if with them in a trusting relationship).
If there is no one to help, you need to learn to believe in yourself and appreciate yourself. If they offend you, they are just stupid weak-willed people. I believe that at the age of 15 there is already some kind of mind to be
should ... It's always better to change the situation yourself.
Confidence gives you something that you love and that you do well. For example, if you know mathematics - be proud of it! As silly as it may seem. Increase your skills and
knowledge and rejoice in its presence.
This will give you confidence that you are not worse than them, that you can defend yourself, defend your position and your opinion. You will have self-respect.
At this point, your classmates can either lag behind you, or begin to spread rot even more. But if you feel confident, you can move to another school, where
you will not have any reputation and where the attitude towards you can be different.
This is what helped me, I hope this point of view will be helpful.

Human Molecule, age: 12/25/2015

Hi I am a high school student in the city of Glubokoe. I am humiliated by my peers, beaten, humiliated, called names, I study well, they take and throw my things (I'm a guy). What should I do? Tell me please.

Regardless of the child's age, all parents want him to be happy. But, unfortunately, the older the yesterday's baby becomes, the less his feeling of happiness and satisfaction with life depends on mom and dad. And the world around us, as you know, can be very cruel. And at school age, many children have to deal with such cruelty in their own practice. But if a child is offended at school by his classmates, what should parents do in this situation?

How to understand if there is a problem?

Many children are not in such a trusting relationship with their parents to tell them about their problems. For some, grudges at school are too humiliating to return to their memories and speak aloud. Boys are taught from an early age that problems should be solved like a man and not run under their mother's skirt. There can be many reasons for not saying something, and parents need to be on the lookout. So, if a child is offended by classmates, he can:

Returning from school sad or, on the contrary, angry;

Look for reasons not to go to lessons, pretend to be sick;

Worse to study, to bring notes in the diary;

Come often without small personal items;

Bring torn or painted things, etc.

In the event that your fears were confirmed, of course, you will definitely want to immediately intercede for the child. But there is no need to rush and ask for trouble.

What should parents do if a child is bullied at school??

Try to adequately assess the situation, talk to the child: what exactly happened to him and what, in his opinion, is the problem. Chat with your homeroom teacher and make an appointment with a counselor, and listen to yourself.

Realize that it is your child at school that has become the target of bullying and ridicule. Why did this happen? After all, not every student causes similar reactions from peers. Classmates most often offend one of their own, realizing that he is weak and indecisive. At the same time, physical weakness and inability to fight back morally can catch on. Children usually feel such weakness and, as it were, feel the victim. Then there are reasons for nagging such as external flaws or demeanor.

It is advisable to solve the problem of low self-esteem, isolation, as well as difficulties in communication even in the early grades of school. Otherwise, they will haunt your child throughout his life. To solve the difficulties within the class, it will not be superfluous to involve the class teacher. He will help to find out the level of relationships between children and analyze the reasons for the situation that happened.

When the grievances had just begun

In order for a child to feel more confident, you need to help him become stronger physically and mentally, believe in himself and find strengths in himself. A sports section according to interests can be a wonderful find: there you will find friends, and achievements will appear - there would be a desire. Children of both sexes can benefit from swimming (if there are no contraindications). Boys will love football and hockey, martial arts, etc. Sometimes this hobby remains with the guys for life, especially if they are supported by their parents.

It is desirable that the child not only do exercises, but also be interested in the history of sports, and also root for favorite teams, etc. Such interests can become a point of rapprochement with peers.

Girls can enjoy dancing and gymnastics. But many girls attend volleyball, women's football and boxing training with the same pleasure. Focus on the interests of your child and do not impose your opinion on him.

In the event that your child has real speech problems, be sure to contact a speech therapist. Violations of sound pronunciation can be corrected at any age, and their absence will certainly add to the student's self-confidence.
If untidy is present, make sure your child looks good and maintains personal hygiene. In addition, do not forget that children evaluate their peers not only for cleanliness, but also for the modernity of clothing (fashion).

If the child is greatly offended and even more so beaten

If your son or your daughter is being abused and humiliated within the walls of the school, there is no need to hesitate. Bullying is a reason for active action (use the search on the site and see also the Bullying article on Wikipedia).

Be sure to check with surrounding schools to transfer your child if the situation becomes critical.

Write a statement to the principal of your school about the problem, demanding that a series of measures be taken immediately to keep your child safe from criminally inclined classmates. Record the incoming statement with the secretary.

If there is a case of beating, immediately go to the hospital to remove the beatings (even abrasions or bruises) and write a statement to the police. If the application is not accepted, go to the prosecutor's office. Take (send) a copy of the application to the district education department.

Show your child that you will protect him. Meet him from school until the situation is completely normalized.

Let your child always have the opportunity to ask you for help. Get him a device (bracelet, watch, phone) with a panic button and with the ability to track the child. Such a gadget may also have the function of wiretapping and a voice recorder.

Always remember that you are the only protection for your child. Only you can help him live safely and comfortably.

Ekaterina Morozova

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Unfortunately, not all children are lucky with classmates and teachers. A friendly class, in which children rush to jog in the morning, forgetting to have breakfast, is a rarity. But not having friends at school is not a bad thing. Worse - when bullying begins on the student. According to statistics, there are more and more cases of “bullying” in modern schools every year, moreover, not only narrow-minded classmates, but sometimes teachers themselves, participate in such demonstrative actions.

What to do with the offenders and how to save the child?

Signs that a teenage child is being bullied at school - learning to understand!

Whole scientific treatises can be written about the cruelty of children. Alas, at the age of 11-12 and almost until the end of school, unjustified cruelty and aggression suddenly settle in children “out of nowhere”.

Then it goes away. However, not all.

And the consequences of such bullying sometimes remain with the children who were offended for life.

Senseless and merciless bullying is not a “trendy trend”. There has always been harassment. Another question is that the methods of bullying have become more sophisticated, and sometimes parents have to change even the city of residence in order to protect the nervous system of their child.

How to understand that your child is being bullied, bullied, bullied at school?

Adolescents are children of the "hidden period" of growing up. Not all of them have enough contact with their parents to avoid mistakes and make the right decision. More often than not, parents become aware of this problem when the scale is outside the classroom.

In addition, it can be humiliating for a child to discuss this problem with his parents - this is often the case with boys, whose dads from the cradle hammer into them "you are a man, solve your problems yourself!"

So is it time to intervene?

• The child often comes with bruises and scratches for which there is no reason.
• The child often "breaks", "deteriorates", "lost" things.
• The child is constantly looking for an excuse not to go to school - he invents diseases, heats a thermometer on a battery, refers to a sore stomach and head, and so on.
• The child began to eat and sleep poorly. There were health problems and nightmares at night.
• Academic performance is falling, as is interest in school in general.
• The child is constantly depressed, he is reluctant to contact.
• There are attempts at self-harm, etc.
• The backpack and the child's uniform are often “torn” and “dirty”.

If at least 3-4 symptoms coincide, which are repeated from day to day, be sure that your child needs your help.

Reasons for bullying a teenager at school - why exactly is your child being beaten, humiliated, etc.?

Bullying in school is not just a temporary harmless experience that a child can endure.

Bullying is dangerous with serious consequences, including not just loss of sleep, gaining complexes and a fall in the child's self-esteem, but much more dangerous - mental breakdowns and even attempts at suicide.

And it is not necessary that the bullying be physical. It is psychological attacks that become much more sophisticated and destructive.

No child will forget bullying. And not every one of those who went through the persecution will endure it without consequences. Therefore, so that our children, growing up, do not run around schools with machine guns in an attempt to take revenge on their offenders (as they often show in the news today), we need to be attentive to them not just today, but practically even yesterday.

Who is at risk and what are the main reasons for bullying?

In fact, anyone can be at risk, and there are usually four reasons for bullying:

• The child is not like everyone else. For example, too thin or, on the contrary, overweight, with glasses, an excellent student or a poor student, too active or, on the contrary, too passive, a stupid or quiet person, and so on. The reason for bullying today can be religion and physical disabilities, the lack of fashionable things and profession of parents, the slit of the eyes and the inability to stand up for oneself, and so on.
• Got hot hand - was in the wrong place and, as they say, at the wrong time.
• The child is new to the class. Sometimes that's enough.
• The child behaves defiantly and provokes everyone to a retaliatory boycott or persecution.

Who usually becomes the instigator of the bullying?

1. Teachers who have no place among teachers.
2. Asocial "elements" of the class. Children from disadvantaged families who arrange bullying so as not to persecute them for belonging to such a family. Children who have mental problems. Children whose upbringing their parents simply forgot.
3. Popular children are activists and leaders, "kings and queens" of the school, who are listened to by the rest of the children, in fact, they become the retinue of these leaders.

Why is your child the victim of bullying?

Do not think that your child is somehow different. After all, the reason for bullying can even be the honesty and decency of the child, perceived by peers as weakness. Or the child's refusal to smoke for the company, or to persecute another child.

Of course, it’s worth looking for a reason, because then it will be much easier to deal with the situation, but don’t hope that this reason will be clear to you.

It is important to note one more nuance.

One of the conditions for bullying, without which, in fact, it will become simply impossible is the connivance of the teacher:

• Just a devil-may-care attitude: the teacher turns a blind eye to everything, because he doesn't care.
• The teacher is not yet experienced enough to notice the persecution, which, moreover, is carried out on the sly. Or he already notices the result of the bullying, when the victim begins to respond to the offenders. It is easy to guess what flies in in this case from the teacher to the victim, because the offenders do their dark deeds quietly and unnoticed. This situation is the most common. The teacher, alas, is simply not able to keep track of everything and everyone. Especially if the class is overcrowded.
• The teacher himself participates in the bullying. The case is rare, but difficult.

No matter how offensive it may be to teachers in this situation, the atmosphere in the classroom depends on them in most cases. And it is the teacher, as the second “mother” of each of the children, who is responsible for their not only intellectual, but also mental state at school.

What to do for parents if a teenage child is bullied at school by classmates or teachers - instructions

Nobody will give a recipe on how to quickly stop bullying. There are no such recipes. Why should a child be obliged to correct this or that "defect", his own peculiarity, which became the reason for bullying?

If the reason for the bullying was simply the bullying itself for the sake of "animal interest", then be at least who and what, but you will still be bullied. And following the instigators' lead, trying to please them and save yourself, is the worst option, because it will only intensify the persecution, for which 2 more reasons will appear - weakness and self-humiliation.

What to do?

• First of all - to the teacher! All school problems begin to be solved only with him. Then, if it didn’t help - to memorize. Then, if it doesn't help again, go to the director.
• Bullying cannot be "healed" at the (primitive) level of the offending victim. To rectify the situation, it is necessary to work with the entire team of "witnesses" at once.
• Analyze the reason for the bullying. Naturally, you do not need to follow the lead of the offenders, but if you can give the child confidence, look for ways. The child is too fragile and weak - send him to the section where he will become more self-confident. Doesn't know how to answer offenders? Teach your child to “take a punch” (psychologically) and be “on top” in any situation. Problems with diction? Take to a speech therapist. Etc. Turn all the weaknesses of the child into strengths.
• Demonstrative debriefing with the teacher, director and parents of all parties may be a good option. For adolescents, for whom all is not yet lost (threats were imaginary, false ambition), the prospect of flying out of school or even getting registered in the police's children's room can be an excellent incentive to pacify their ambitions and change their behavior.
• If violence is used, there is a direct path to the director through the teacher, and then to the prosecutor's office, and so on. Not a single fact of violence should remain without the reaction of the parents - even a small prank in the form of a slap on the head of a classmate or a tripping over the head can lead to serious consequences.
• Teach your child to act like the offenders do not expect : calmly respond to swearing, ignore barbs, and so on. Of course, in the case when a more serious bullying begins, damage to the child's things, when he is not given a passage, when serious insults and the use of force begin, it cannot be tolerated - you need to act, and immediately and harshly. Again, not independently, but through the teachers, director and parents of the offenders.
• Find a way to befriend the abuser. In this way, a joint trip can go somewhere (the whole class) - on an excursion, on a picnic, etc., general games and hobbies, circles, you can also invite children to visit for a birthday. Naturally, the enemies will not immediately turn into friends, but nevertheless they will become less dangerous, and someone will become allies. This, of course, is not about bribing offenders! This is the worst solution a parent can find.
• Help your child overcome fear. Sometimes, it’s enough to just stop being afraid of the bullies for them to stop bullying.
• Help your child to assert himself if there are no such opportunities for him at school. Let him find himself in sports or in a hobby: be sure to find an activity for the child that will increase his self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Protect your child from bullies as much as you can : meet from school and see off until the situation calms down by itself. Typically, most of the bullying of classmates occurs outside of school after school. And in the school itself there are too many witnesses.
• Buy a special technical device for your child which will help you to be aware of both the current situation and the location of the child.

These tips are good for situations that haven't gone too far.

But what if the offender is a real aggressor, against whom neither the teacher, nor the director, nor the parents of the aggressor themselves can find justice?

In this case, act tough and fast! Of course, you will not be able to organize protection from scratch, but if there are already facts of influence on your child, then do not wait until the director stops being afraid of publicity (they are so afraid of "noise" that they are ready to sacrifice schoolchildren to these young scoundrels).

Your actions: a statement addressed to the director and, in the absence of any reaction, a statement to the RONO, then to the police. Testimonies of witnesses, other parents, certificates from the emergency room, etc. can be attached to the statement. Well, and then - to the court.

Or maybe it’s not necessary after all?

There are times when a parent asks the question - "Will it not become worse for the child if I intervene?"

Yes, there are situations in which it is better not to get involved. But if it really came to bullying, which the child is not able to cope with alone (and not a one-time offense or quarrel between classmates), then how can you make it worse by stopping this bullying?

Imagine for a second what could happen to your child if he cannot cope with this load of problems? It is better to get in, where you were not invited, than later to regret very much that they did not intervene.

What is absolutely forbidden to do?

• Lynch offenders. No matter how much you want to "snot" these hooligans, you cannot do this. Firstly, you will not solve the situation with this, and secondly, in this case, you can be attracted "under the article" ("and there was nothing to touch other people's children"), and the offenders will receive another reason for bullying your child. We act strictly within the framework of the law!
• Lead the child to similar actions in response. You don't need to teach your child to respond in kind. Even when it comes to the use of force. Of course, it's great when a child can stand up for himself, but you can't learn to "hit back." Sometimes such answers become, quite by accident, the cause of disability and even death of the offender (unsuccessfully fell, etc.).
• Try to "buy" the disposition of the offenders. Bribery is one of the most senseless, stupid decisions that will ultimately lead to a backlash and leave the mark of a weakling, a sycophant and a "six" on the child for a long time.
• Ignore the bullying of the child and leave him alone in solving this problem ("he can handle it himself!"). Remember - he may not be able to handle it.

Transfer to another school - or not transfer?

Of course, you can transfer a child to another class, and to another school, and even move to another city - but does this make sense?

In most cases, such measures are simply not justified, and the problem is exhausted quite quickly, and by the end of the training, the offenders with the victims become almost best friends.

Therefore, carefully analyze the situation and weigh the "pros and cons" - perhaps translation is not needed, and the joint efforts of the teachers, you and the child can reduce the problem to nothing.

Another question is, if the teachers and the director do not want to delve into the problem, and the bullying acquires a scale that threatens not only the nervous system, but also the child's health, then you will not have to choose.

And the most important: keep your finger on the pulse! Go to school meetings, talk to your child, get to know his teachers and classmates, stay on top of the child's problems and successes in order to give timely advice, warn against mistakes, help and spread straws.

Have you had similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

If you are interested in the question - what to do if classmates humiliate, then you need to read this article. From this publication, you will learn the reasons forcing your peers to treat you badly, as well as read how to protect yourself from the attacks of inferior people and how to get them to treat you with respect .. Read her message to understand why she wonders what do if classmates humiliate.

Good evening! My name is Anya, I am 15 years old. I would like to ask you for advice. A boy is studying with me in the class. He constantly touches me, says that I am fat and ugly. Other guys also joke with him. But recently they said that I would never have a boyfriend and that I would become an old maid. Although it seemed to me that someone might like me. Why do they think so? After all, she seems to be fearless!

A long time ago, while studying at school, I often observed from the sidelines how girls and boys humiliated their classmates simply from their own foolishness. When I had a desire to defend the weak, I did it, but often I just had to watch how the same girls and boys were humiliated. I remained indifferent to their suffering, because they did not even make an effort to somehow protect themselves. They cried, worried, but did not give change, did not call the offenders. I was not aggressive, but I didn’t let myself be offended. And therefore I did not understand the behavior of these children. They often discussed with their friends what to do if classmates humiliate, but they never drew conclusions or changed their behavior. They did the wrong thing.

Many years have passed since then. Now, already observing the adults, I was convinced that those weaklings remained downtrodden, because they did not learn to defend themselves and defend their interests. And the brave, who fought back the aggressors at school, were able to achieve a lot in their life. Therefore, I am sure that it is necessary to become stronger, even if the strength is alien to you. You need to find the strength to put the offenders in their place, and not think about what to do if your classmates humiliate you. And most importantly, do not ask yourself why you are treated so badly. It is better to immediately suppress the negative attitude of others.

Reasons why teens bully their classmates

The girl who turned to this site for advice is most likely pretty, with an excellent docile character. She should study in a full-fledged school, where there are no aggressors. But unfortunately, in the modern world, for some reason, children are not divided into classes and schools according to their level of development, thus creating educational institutions for full-fledged and others for the underdeveloped and mentally ill. Due to the abnormal behavior of the latter, children like the author of the post have to puzzle over what to do when humiliated by their classmates and grow up with the thought of their own inferiority. After all, being exposed every day to the stupid and groundless ridicule of the boys, the girl begins to seriously believe that she is unattractive.

To help full-fledged children find the answer to the question - what to do if classmates are humiliating, it would be better to advise them, to realize the reasons that make some children behave aggressively towards others:
- the first is - mental inferiority of the aggressors;
- the second is the desire of the aggressor to show himself as the most intelligent and powerful;
- the third - is the goal of an aggressive person to attract the attention of a particular person, for example, when a boy likes a girl;
- fourth - it is believed that people can be energetic antagonists, which is why conflicts arise between them.

Classmates with mental disabilities humiliate others because they do not know how to communicate in a different way or, thus, have fun. It is better to put such people in their place right away, because they respect only strength. Their minds are not far from the minds of animals, and therefore they attack in the same way as, for example, dogs do. That is, if they see and feel the fear of a potential victim, they say and do nasty things. And when you fight them back, they understand that their actions can have negative consequences for them and therefore bypass those who can stand up for themselves. Your intuition will tell you what to do in a particular situation. For example, when they call you names, call them names in response, if you are pushed, push the aggressor. One big fight, or even a fight, can save you from a string of bullying that could otherwise go on for years. I was convinced of this by my own example during my school years, once I overcame my very strong fear and gave surrender to two schizophrenic brothers. After this fight, I was able to continue walking around the school with my head raised, without fear of another showdown. Back then, my parents didn't care that their child was being humiliated by classmates. They weren't going to do anything to help me, and I became strong despite my weakness.

Why a weak personality can and should show strength where the situation seems hopeless can be clarified by the situation that recently occurred in the Primorsky Safari Park. As usual, an adult goat was sent to the enclosure of the tiger Cupid. The latter, like the previous animals, was supposed to become the prey of a predator. However, the goat did not pass and, seeing the tiger, went on the attack. The predator, constantly hunting for game, was shocked by this behavior of the goat and therefore left him alive. Moreover, he considered him his equal and therefore now lives with him in the same aviary and allows the goat to graze next to him. The workers of the safari park even noticed that Amur the tiger was waiting for Timur's goat in the morning to go about his business with him. Here is an example of when a potential prey, being in a seemingly hopeless situation, was able to show the predator that it possesses strength. Your classmates who humiliate you and others are not much different from predators. Therefore, the only thing to do in conflicts with mentally underdeveloped children is to show them your strength.

In almost every classroom or in the courtyard company there are one or two bullies who show themselves to be the most intelligent and try to assert their authority everywhere. They do this because they can. They are from birth given to lead fools and achieve some goals with their help. Such classmates call names and humiliate someone, and stupid creatures pick up their aggressive mood, continuing to persecute the unfortunate. If you managed to find yourself in the role of a victim, be sure (!) To fight back the crowd of fools. In order not to become a "scapegoat" later, it is necessary to do something. And let them think of you as if you are abnormal, the main thing is to be left alone. I have been in situations where my retaliatory aggression towards such crowds of fools was perceived by others as an abnormal reaction. But I safely survived those situations and, most importantly, left my classmates with the feeling that they shouldn't mess with me. Thanks to this behavior, I just thought a couple of times about what to do if humiliated in class.

Often snooty boys and girls harass those they like. At the same time, they can call names of the objects of their adoration, humiliate them and even beat them. We had a couple on the street - former classmates. The man, as a boy, constantly beat his future wife. He made fun of her every day and prophesied to her the life of an old maid. That woman, being a girl, did not understand why she was being humiliated, and therefore she was constantly offended by the aggressive boy. And then I ran home and asked my parents what to do if you are humiliated in class. But a few years later, she married that bully and aggressor. And there are many such stories. But in school years, it is difficult to guess whether a classmate likes you or if he just has a mental disorder, so it is not always possible to understand what to do in such a situation. However, the best way out would be to humiliate the offender in return. Still, men who respect women are good husbands.

A girl who turns to this resource for advice is likely to be attacked by a boy who likes her. He is also a person capable of encouraging others to do bad things, therefore, other classmates humiliate this girl. However, she should not change her attitude towards the offenders, because she is worthy of respect and a full-fledged attitude towards her. Therefore, I would like to recommend her to repulse the aggressors. If they claim that she is fat and ugly, then she should voice the faults of her offenders. One has protruding ears, the other is not tall, the third is very thin, the fourth is poor, which means that he is stupid, and the fifth is told what to do. It should be said that all these qualities will not allow these boys to find women suitable for life, which means that these guys will remain useless bachelors in the future. And even if this does not happen in the future, the main thing is to convince them of this now. To do this, you need to do the same actions every time, for example, list the shortcomings of your offenders so that they believe in their inferiority. The weak personality needs to realize that "a wounded predator will never pursue its prey." And you can hurt with a word!

How to change the reality in which someone humiliates you?

Each person is the creator of his life, which consists of daily events. By changing everyday life, you can change your destiny. It turns out to change the small details of your day by your own efforts. For example:
- starting to think positively;
- indifferent to negative statements in his address (rebuffing, but not thinking about the attitude of others);
- working on your appearance to please yourself;
- being confident in their uniqueness and peculiarity;
- coming up with a plan for your life;
- believing in your strength;
- pushing the unpleasant environment into the background.
And now I will explain point by point how to change yourself and make others treat you better than before.

Positive thoughts create a better reality!

If you watch horror films and movies, where violence, cataclysms are shown and the idea of ​​the end of the world is suggested, then you will look at life pessimistically, and therefore you will always be weak. When your parents, brothers, sisters, girlfriends, and classmates humiliate you, you will become insecure and consider yourself inferior. Your mind will constantly be occupied with questions such as: what to do if you are humiliated in class, scolded at home, friends ignored. Because of this, you will make unsuccessful efforts to please others or think about suicide. But as soon as you stop watching negative films, fight back the offenders, and your life will begin to change. It will become more colorful if, despite the daily negativity, you begin to believe in a better future. Trust today that tomorrow will be much better, and then you will gain inner strength that will help you protect yourself from the outside world. You need to do this every day and your everyday life will begin to change, dark thoughts will disappear, a feeling of strength will appear, and the environment will become friendly to you. It will even seem to you that someone has replaced all the people you know.

The realization that you are unique is the path to a great future!

You have probably heard more than once about Vladimir Dovgan, the famous Russian businessman, millionaire, who advertised the goods he traded in the nineties of the twentieth century. Now he is a well-known info-businessman, helping people to believe in themselves and come to big money. This successful man was a poor student at school. He was humiliated by teachers and classmates. And even his own father considered him retarded. And that's all, because this man has dyslexia. Even now, he writes with errors. But he matured and became a successful person, whose success everyone can envy. Vladimir Dovgan considers himself unique, and this idea was fixed in his mind thanks to his mother, who repeated to him that he was special. As a boy, in moments when he did not know what to do if he was humiliated, he remembered his uniqueness. And now look at his life! His confidence in his own uniqueness worked wonders with him and his life.

The girl who needed advice is not self-confident, because someone often convinced her that she was ugly and inferior. These could not be direct humiliations, but the parents' phrases that the child is unreasonable or looks like an ugly aunt. If this aunt seemed to the child completely unattractive, then a feeling of his own unattractiveness was laid in his mind. In fact, it does not matter who and how planted an inferiority program in the girl's mind, which was activated as soon as her classmates told her that she was unattractive. The main thing is to get rid of this psychological garbage. After all, without such a psychological block in her mind, the girl would not react to the humiliation of stupid boys. Therefore, the first thing she should do is to erase the unnecessary program from the subconscious. To do this, you need to do a simple exercise every day: repeat the phrase "I am the most beautiful, very attractive, all the guys cannot take their eyes off me." At first, this phrase will seem like self-deception, then it will be perceived as a habit, and later, when consciousness believes in it, the phrase will work wonders - transforming the girl's appearance and her reality. She will no longer need to do anything to put the offenders in their place. There just won't be any left.

Book of wishes - an opportunity to make your life a fairy tale

I know many women and men who were once carried away by positive psychology and created their books of desires. They were able to achieve whatever they wanted. But the main thing in this technique is not a little book in which desires are entered, but a person's belief that he will achieve what he wants. At the moment, the girl who asked for the advice needs to describe her future for herself. Classmates humiliate her and promise her future all alone. The girl does not understand the behavior of aggressive boys and perceives their attacks as an indication that she is unattractive. In order for her to stop believing in the stupidity of villains, it is necessary to draw up a plan for her life. To do this, you need to take a notebook and write the best about yourself in it. First, describe those situations when the girl's wishes were fulfilled. And then start inventing your own bright future. You need to do the latter daily. You should reread what you have written in a good mood and you should start reading from those moments when desires were fulfilled. Consciousness is sure that positive events of the past actually happened, which means that it will believe in what the girl will think of about her future. Such psychological adjustments should be made constantly. Thanks to them, the girl's reality will improve, the boys will stop composing anything at all, and the girl will believe in a better future and systematically move towards it.

Appearance is a manifestation of the inner world

Usually boys, guys and men look at beauties who constantly monitor their appearance with bated breath. They can never say anything negative about a very attractive girl. And this is because the beauty of these girls comes from within, manifesting itself in the form of strength. If the girl's inner world is gray, she is not confident in herself, has no idea what the attraction is, then the environment will broadcast to her the poverty of her inner world. For example, in situations where classmates humiliate her. But as soon as she makes an effort to please herself, she will only suppress all possible attacks of others by her appearance. There are now a lot of articles and videos on the Internet that tell and show how you need to take care of your facial skin so that it is radiant and make your hair beautiful. As you read the tips and watch the videos, you should do what is recommended there in order to please yourself.

The most important thing in caring for your own appearance is to please yourself. You don't have to make an effort to appear pretty to the guys who make fun of you. You should improve your appearance in order to gain confidence in your attractiveness. This very confidence develops into an inner strength that makes the representatives of the stronger sex "fall in stacks" at the sight of a beauty. As soon as the girl becomes confident in her irresistibility, classmates will immediately change their attitude towards her. They will begin to dream of friendship with her. And when such beauties refuse friendship to boys, they think that they are being humiliated in this way. It turns out to be a kind of side effect - random revenge that hits every guy's self-confidence a lot. But as mentioned earlier in this article, you should not make an effort to please others, you need to do all this for yourself. After all, the main thing is to gain inner strength, with the help of which it will be possible to influence people.

The power comes from within!

Any woman is weaker than a man. But her inner strength is capable of manipulating the behavior of any member of the stronger sex. The girl who turned to this site for advice now, like most teenagers, is fixated on relationships with the opposite sex. Her classmates, in particular, boys, are perceived by her as potential suitors. And that's quite normal! At fifteen, I want you to have a boyfriend who admires you, loves and makes plans for the future. But all these desires arise because hormones are rampant. When exposed to their influence, many adolescents make a lot of mistakes, for example, joining early. So that the time of personality formation is not wasted on unnecessary connections and their consequences, it should be used to cultivate inner strength. No need to ask yourself what to do if classmates are humiliating. Don't ponder why boys think you are fat and ugly. It is a waste of time and a waste of mental strength. Better to start cultivating inner strength.

Becoming a strong-willed person is not difficult at all. The main thing is to stop considering the outside world as an important part of your life. People passing by on the street, living in the neighborhood, students in the same school, living with you under the same roof - these are the changing characters of your life. True and real for each person are she herself, her life and, most importantly, her inner world. The latter acts as the strongest lever of influence on reality and the environment. If you consider yourself weak and ugly, then you should not be surprised that your classmates humiliate you. You do not need to make your eyes look round when a worse future is predicted for you, if you have not thought about the events of your life. People are like mirrors reflecting what is in your inner world. Come up with the impossible, invent magic, believe in the magic of your inner world, and everything will change for the better for you.

Someone's passion for magic helps to cultivate inner strength. But all the rituals and ceremonies that these people do are just an interesting pastime. In fact, "dancing with a tambourine" does not affect reality in any way. But the magician's confidence that it will be exactly as he wished gives him strength. Other people start out by being addicted to feng shui. Knowing how energies affect the world helps them maintain inner strength and allows them to manipulate daily events. Some people begin to believe in fairies and elves, who supposedly through magic help them achieve their goals and prevent negative events. If you are constantly humiliated by classmates, start cultivating your inner strength, believe in something that will convince you that you are the creator of your everyday life. And then you will not need to do anything to be left alone. It will be enough just to think about how the abuser would shut up and leave you alone. And that is exactly what will happen.

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1. Alina

   The boy offends me too in class. He often scoffs and says nasty things. I was afraid to answer him, but I read what you wrote and decided to tell him how terrible he is.

2. potap

   Boy, turn to me - I'll make you a cool kid, this also applies to girls, but to a different extent. Basically we are all the same.

3. Kira

   What to do if friends make fun of me, but I can't, for example, say that one is scary, the other is fat, because I don't want to ruin my relationship with them

4. Adviser

   Good day!

   You should openly tell your friends that their jokes are perceived by you as humiliation. If they do not understand this, then they can hardly be called friends. But if you are afraid to speak frankly with the people around you, then try to adjust to them by starting to make fun of them. When doing this, choose the appropriate phrases. For example, instead of claiming that the girl is scary, you can ask if she is the granddaughter of Baba Yaga. And in order not to call your friend fat, you can ask why she was swollen.

5. X

   Hello. I have been bullied by classmates since the very junior grades. At first this was due to the fact that I did not go to the garden, and when I came to school, I simply did not know how to behave, and soon they began to bully me. How to behave over time. of course I found out, but the bullying did not stop. I changed schools several times because of this, but as if by karma, again and again I became the subject of ridicule and bullying. The main scapegoat for the people of the whole educational institution. I tried to stop it in different ways: I tried them ignore, tried to fight back if they were completely insolent, even tried to join their society, although I felt that I did not want to communicate with people like them. I began to be guided more by instincts than to try to keep spinning in this meat grinder. I pretend that they do not exist at all, but as soon as someone gets too insolent, I will pounce on him and fight until they are pulled apart, or until I’m exhausted. (Yes, I and of such a non-existent type of people who, if they fight, then, as they say, "to death", and also live more at their own discretion than according to the foundations of society, guided by instincts, but at the same time by reason, and make me a human from a beast No one succeeded, not even me. Life made me this way, because I’m tired of being a worthless weakling and enduring bullying by other people. Now I have at least one advantage: there is no fear of stronger ones. This allows me to fight like that. ) Now I'm in college, until recently, people from other courses strongly bullied me to the point of inconceivability, but after I kicked the main, most arrogant among these bullies (it came to the police), they rarely climb up to me. But they still laugh .It's unpleasant. This is all, again, because of my reflexes: for example, I unconsciously begin to grin and growl if someone does any negative action towards me, or I can even swing my hand at the offender. not bad, life has everything: a house, food, your own computer, your own room, a soft sofa, your best friend, and other friends ... What else can you wish from life? I am generally unlucky only in communicating with the class. They ALWAYS bully, and now, I'm sure, it's just a temporary lull. What do you recommend to do? To a psychologist? I went there, made friends, and to this day I sometimes help her with projects. In general, the relationship between me and my classmates is as follows: someone just doesn't care if I am or not (and this was the case from the very beginning, and in general I am striving for such a position); some group of people initially wanted to communicate , but all with the same purpose, to make fun of. I already said that I began to ignore them and later beat the chapter. Since then, people from that group did not go; Others (most of them) often chuckle. They can bully even in pairs, but not seriously enough to start a fight over it; The smallest part treat me neutral, even a little friendly. I even talk to such people sometimes. Generally speaking, my peers consider me abnormal, and I myself do not deny it. In the end, as you know, there are no normal people, and any person, if you look, will have any mental abnormalities. I have them for sure. Years of bullying did not pass without leaving a trace. I even put up with it (before such statements hurt me a lot) and I am not offended. And with people over twenty, I always found a common language. Why do I strive to be neutral with myself so that no one just pays attention to me? The answer is simple: I do not want to be bullied, but I do not have the slightest desire to communicate, let alone be friends with any of these people. They all smoke, even drink, swear ... and so on. I don’t want to connect my life with these people, thereby spoiling myself. After all, if I communicate with them, they will influence me. I think even better they will be my enemies, and I will have a rejection of everything they say and do what they will be "friends", and I will gradually become infected with obscene language and negative energy from them. And I know that it will be so. In short: I want to achieve a neutral attitude of fellow students. What would you advise?

6. Adviser

   Good day!

   When you read your message, you get the impression that you are an intelligent and reasonable person. According to what you have described, it cannot be concluded that you, as you say, have deviations in the psyche. Rather, you do not respect yourself and allow bad thoughts about yourself. This alone can already provoke negative inclinations of others in your direction. Therefore, the first piece of advice is not to be treated, not to look for shortcomings in yourself, but to accept yourself as you are.

   I don’t think that one should believe those who claim that souls are supposedly reborn, experiencing in subsequent lives the consequences of accumulated karma in the past. Rather, you have such a set of energies in your energy that you become, as it were, a beacon for bullies. To find out if this is the case, you can. It also gives recommendations on how to improve your life using Feng Shui methods.

   From your message it is clear that you strongly focus on the moral monsters that surround you. This may be a consequence of the fact that at one time you were often bullied, or it may turn out to be your peculiarity. Many people only notice the negative. They do not hear or see the positive. And any bad word is recorded and remembered. Such people are engaged in, as it were, the accumulation of negative. And then they think that they suffer because of the negativity of others. Whether you belong to such people, only you can understand.

   If you are still able to see the good in life, and those around you are still constantly pestering you, then try to work with your subconscious. Probably, when you went to school, you had a block in your subconscious, which makes you fear your classmates or classmates. When fear is subconscious, the mind does not always fix it, but others can feel it at a subconscious level and behave accordingly.

   To rectify the situation in your life, try immersion in dark substance. This is the primary substance from which everything originated. In complete darkness, loneliness and silence, in a half-sleep state, you need to remember conflicts with classmates and destroy them: cut into pieces or break like glass. When diving, you need to come up with situations that you would like to experience. For example, that you are treated with respect. After about two weeks of daily diving, you will see positive changes in your daily routine.

7. Dasha

   @ Kira:
   Do not be afraid of what some clues can eat, for example, you often boast, you can just say so * Come down from heaven, you are the same as me, I don’t wish you anything bad, why do you treat me this way? * Personally helps me well, if they don’t help you they envy you better than they tell you!

8. Nikolay

   Nicknames are born in children's groups. When children play together, they can also call names, but they do it less often than in a group. And as soon as the children's company gathers, the nicknames immediately begin.

9. Eve

   Hello! My name is Eva. I wanted to ask the question why does my classmate call me names (humiliates)? He calls me Zombies, and the rest of the revenge begins with him. Previously, I was doing well, but after his arrival, he began to call me Zombies. I am 15 years old. Previously, he stopped calling zombies, but then he began to say, “Didn't you eat anyone along the way? Do you need blood? Don't burn me? etc."

10. Adviser

    Good day!

    Your classmate is mentally ill. He needs the help of a psychiatrist. Usually this type of people is very much afraid of those who can fight back, as well as those in power. To punish your abuser and prevent him from attacking in the future, you should complain about him to the school principal, the head teacher or, in extreme cases, the class teacher. It would be advisable to tell your parents about his attacks. There is nothing wrong with complaining and thus you will not show weakness. And you will find support from those whom your mentally ill classmate is afraid of.

    Another way to put him in his place is to call him names back. But the fact is that people with mental disabilities can spend a lot of time and energy on skirmishes with those who oppose them. I don’t think you will want to argue with someone who offends you every day. Therefore, the best way out is to intimidate him through those in power.

11. Isabel

    Hello. In class, one boy calls me names very much, I know why, I quarreled with my ex-girlfriend, and he fell in love with her and in order to please her he starts to offend me. I myself am very vulnerable, although sometimes I call names in return, but it seems to him not offensive. And to me very much. In addition, he is very strong, muscular, handsome) I, if I secretly fell in love with him, I know, very stupid, but he is really very handsome and sometimes kind. What should I do??

12. Adviser

    @ Isabelle:

    Good day!

    Your situation is far from simple. But you can change this guy's attitude towards you. There are two ways to do this:

    1. Wait until he is left somewhere alone - in the classroom, on the bench on the street, in the gym, and so on. And there it is already to explain to him that you like him, as a person, and therefore it is unpleasant for you when he offends you, and you do not like to offend him in return. But in no case tell him about your feelings. Only about respect for him! Ask him to respect you.

    2. Write him a letter in which you need to describe the situation and mention your unwillingness to argue with him. Write that a fight with a friend is your business, not his. And if he wants to draw her attention to himself, then let him do it in a different way.

    This guy, having learned that you respect him, will feel uncomfortable every time he wants to offend you. So his attacks will stop. You can invite him to become friends, like two guys or two girls, without any love game. It is desirable that he be added to your friends on the social network, then you will have a chance to show your inner world to this guy. Maybe he will appreciate him and forget your ex-girlfriend.

    If these options do not suit you, then you just need to ignore the guy's attacks or defend fiercely. The main thing is to show the guy that you are indifferent to his opinion and that you are able to stand up for yourself. Everything that he will say in moments of squabbles should be ignored, realizing that he is just a fool in love with someone.

13. Misha

    Hi, my name is Misha and I want to help you.
    1. If a classmate or friend from the group gets something extra, tell the teacher.
    2, if this is from each other class, then tell the parents (better parents of a friend) and they will punish him or something else.
    3. If you complained about you, tell me that you won't do it again (even if it's not true)
    4. If this friend hits you, then use the strength of your loved ones.

    I HOPE HELP YOU ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

14. Diana

    Hello. I am 13 years old, I am in the 7th grade. Not long ago my classmate Lesha began to call me names, and then a second one, who likes me, joined him (he himself admitted this to me).
    Previously, everything was fine, we walked with a group of 5 people, it was in winter, which included Lyosha himself. He never offended me, and if he did, he then apologized. But then he started throwing snowballs at me, at first I did not attach any importance to this, but then it became very annoying. Then he began to joke at me insultingly. I took offense at him, and for a while he began to lead normally again, but it turned out not for long. And now such a change of mood is now happening all the time, he will joke offensively, although I know that this does not apply to me in any way, he just comes up with jokes at random, and I am very offended.
    Please tell me why he had such a change to me ???

15. Adviser

    Good day!

    Most often, boys offend girls because they suffer from mental problems. But there are those who fall in love with their classmates during their teenage years. But in order to hide their sympathy, however, to draw attention to themselves, they begin to insult the girl or offensively joke about her. Probably, this same Lesha feels something for you.

    Just ignore the attacks of your classmate or try to put him in his place. At the same time, try to remain indifferent and cold to this guy. You should not waste your time and nerves on people unworthy of you.

16. anatoly

    They mock me all my life, from birth and for various reasons. Throughout elementary school I tried to do as I was advised - not to pay attention. I was engaged in karate. I threw it 3 years ago. Half a year ago three guys from the parallel began to climb up to me (I’m from A class, they are from D) called names, kicked, it started to get into a fight and I took a fighting stance, and what do you think? for some reason they called them a dancer because of this, and not just a dancer, but a letsginka dancer, although I don't dance at all. at first I just ignored them. two months ago I did the following: they started calling me names and humiliating me in front of my classmates again, oh yes, they still started filming me. So, I stood motionless and looked into the eyes of the offenders, tried to breathe very little, waited for a question like "why did you get up?" his brain, growled (just like a beast) and pounced on them, hitting them in the stomach, and about the face with all his might, until classmates began to separate me. Now, although they consider me crazy, no one contacts, and if someone starts to climb, friends say “leave him alone, he’s fucked up, he’ll kill” or something like that. In short, freak out once or twice and everything will be noomal.

17. Sasha

(5 estimates, average: 5,00 out of 5)

Unfortunately, we live in a cruel world in which even a schoolchild can be a “victim” for his classmates. And children are often not limited to only insults, they begin to humiliate, blackmail and beat the one they have chosen as an outcast. But what if the child is bullied at school?

What should parents do in this situation? How can I help my daughter or son?

Let's start in order and first try to analyze why a child can be offended at school.

Why do his classmates offend a child?

No matter how scary it may sound, but now, probably, in every class there is a student who is constantly laughing and mocking his classmates.

This happens because children are thus trying to assert themselves at someone else's expense. After all, if they show their strength, make someone shake with fear, then in the eyes of the rest of the students they will become tough, and their reputation will increase dramatically.

In this case, classmates will begin to take part in the humiliation of the "outcast" only in order to become a friend of the "tough" bully. And if they suddenly take the side of the "victim", then they themselves risk being the object of ridicule and bullying.

Sadly, of course, but it is exactly so.

Basically, children deliberately choose a student who continues to be bullied throughout their school life. And, as a rule, you can get into the category of "outcasts" if you have the following criteria:

• Atypical appearance very different from others. These are children who are too tall or, conversely, too short in stature, who are eventually given the nicknames "dilda" and "dwarf". These are adolescents who are fat, pimply or have a noticeable defect in appearance (very protruding ears, oblique eyes, too long or crooked nose).
• "Hammered" character... These are too modest, shy, insecure children who are not able to resist the offender, which he, in turn, uses.
• Aggressive behavior and conflict... If a child begins to show aggression towards everyone who accidentally pushed him or somehow spoke out sharply, then he becomes not a bully, but on the contrary, an outcast. After all, those whom he offended simply unite among themselves and begin their revenge in the form of insults and humiliation. And even if the child has a strong character, has good physical skills, then it is already impossible for him to cope with the crowd. Therefore, if he starts a fight, then in the fight he turns out to be one against all.
• Slowness and inattention... Classmates often like to play such children, and sometimes jokes are far from harmless. The fact is that pupils are simply amused by the child's ridiculous reaction to this or that "trick".
• Many people try to dress stylishly and fashionably, but alas, not every child's parents can boast of good income. As a result, children are simply forced to wear cheap clothes, which, for example, can be ridiculously combined with shoes (although the question of “mix-not-match” is so subjective). And, of course, for classmates this is another reason to belittle the student, who for them is a "beggar".
• Leadership character. Yes, this often happens. It turns out that even strong-willed and strong-willed people can become "outcasts". As a rule, this happens only in those cases when a child, getting into a new team, tries to take power into his own hands (actively offers interesting ideas, tries to convince everyone of the correctness of his point of view). He simply crosses the road to the current leader, who, not wanting to give up his place to another, begins to turn “his” retinue against him.

Of course, absolutely any student can become the object of ridicule. And often even a ridiculous public error, a secretly told story or gossip invented by someone, can "poison" the life of a child at school for many years.

How can you tell if your child is being bullied at school?

That is why it is important for parents to determine for themselves that their child has become the object of humiliation, and this should be done as early as possible.

So, how to understand that a child is being bullied at school:

1. he comes home in a bad mood: sad, sad, embittered; he is often late for lessons, despite the fact that he leaves home on time;
2. he begins to study worse and instead of the usual fives in the diary there are threes and even twos;
3. he looks for reasons not to go to school, citing poor health or lack of lessons on that day;
4. he constantly “loses” his personal belongings: pens, notebooks, erasers;
5. he returns home with a dirty briefcase or in torn clothes, while assuring his parents that he had accidentally fallen into a puddle or had been sprayed by a car.

Action or Inaction?

So, we all understand that school is a kind of life stage for any person, passing through which he will become an adult. But as you know, on any path there are obstacles, overcoming which we become stronger, more experienced and wiser.

And children are no exception.

However, if adults constantly monitor their steps, taking away the "rake" from under their feet in time, or completely solve the problems of their child, then in the end, when the child grows up, he will become dependent and will not be able to cope with difficulties on his own.

After all, even we are sometimes grateful to our past “mistakes” for the fact that they changed us and made us stronger in something.

But it's one thing when a child faces minor difficulties (a quarrel with a friend, a loss in a competition, a deuce in history), and another thing is when he finds himself in a dangerous problem, becoming an "outcast" in his class.

Suppose you have already learned about this situation, and now you are probably tormented by the question: interfere or allow the child to solve his problems himself?

Let's read two real stories that will answer your question.

First story. Boy Andrey was an outcast in his class, the guys constantly joked about him, insulted, humiliated and beat him.

Returning home, the boy did not find support from his mother, because she was indifferent to the problems of her son.

Perhaps she wanted to cultivate independence in him, or she simply devoted all her attention to Andrei's sister, who was 7 years younger than her brother.

One way or another, he was too lonely, because not a single person in this world could support him, comfort and protect him. But Andrei so dreamed of becoming happy, he wanted to be a famous politician ...

But the humiliation continued even when the boy grew up: classmates beat him, girls laughed, colleagues at work despised him.

Andrey "broke down".

He, of course, married later, and he had two children, whom he loved to madness, but his "past life" still ruined him.

No, he did nothing wrong with himself and even managed to become famous all over the world.

But who needs such fame? After all, this boy - Andrey Chikatilo, from whose hands more than 50 people died, and they were mainly children from 7 to 17 years old.

The second story. Stephen, an American boy, was also an outcast in his class.

The students mocked him, and sometimes very cruelly, but when he returned home, instead of indifference, he received maternal support.

Mom loved her son very much, took care of him and did her best to make the boy happy at least at home.

As a result, love did not allow him to "break", and growing up, the boy became Stephen King- a famous writer, one of the richest people in the world.

Conclusion - do not stay idle!

Of course, it is very offensive if the whole class is up in arms against your child, so in such a situation only you are able to help him.

In no case DO NOT STOP, because the constant ridicule of classmates can morally cripple the little man.

How can I help my child?

Many parents, having learned that their beloved child is being offended by classmates, first of all try to personally talk with the “offenders” or with their relatives.

Perhaps the conversation will work, but only if the children are in primary school. But even then it is possible that, having matured, they will not start to mock the child again.

And if your son or daughter is already a teenager, then a conversation with their classmates, on the contrary, will provoke students to more severe bullying.

The fact is that in adolescence, children no longer really listen to adults, and in most cases they do what they want themselves.

Therefore, by “asking” them not to touch your child, they will in spite of him begin to intimidate him more, accuse him of “snitching” and blackmail him with beatings if he suddenly decides to complain to someone again.

Therefore, if you really want to help your child, then first discuss the problem with him and analyze it in order to find the right solution.

Let's try to draw up our plan for solving the problems that have arisen:

1. Conversation with the child. Of course, this conversation will be very unpleasant for the child, especially if he hides from you the fact of bullying himself at school.

Nevertheless, you should discuss the problem with him and offer your help.

Just do not put pressure on your child, on the contrary, try to make sure that he himself confides in you. Show him that you are a friend to him and that you are not interested in problems to satisfy your curiosity, but in order to really help him.

And to be completely convincing, tell a real story from your life, where you either found yourself in the same situation, or faced an equally serious problem.

Trust him yourself, and then your child will trust you.

2. Analysis of the problem. Then you need to analyze the problem and understand why exactly the classmates began to bully your child.

As a rule, the reason is obvious - children simply “like” his reaction to insults.

Of course, initially they always cling to their appearance (long nose, small stature, crooked legs), their character (aggressiveness, modesty, shyness), their mistakes (ridiculous public reservations), their inability to do something (draw beautifully, play well football, swim), but ultimately it is because of the child's reaction that they decide whether to continue bullying or not. That is, if a student is not able to give back to the offender (not necessarily physical, often it is enough just to "find the right words"), and receiving insults in his address, he begins to cry, fulfill the bully's demands or complain, then the children will constantly offend him for this ...

3. Eliminate the cause of the problem. If the reason your classmates are up against your child is clear, then you can try to fix it.

Atypical appearance. Appearance is given to everyone by nature and, as a rule, it is impossible to change it without surgical intervention. But you can change the internal psychological state of the child. As well as the appearance of the child. For example, try to dress your child very stylishly and tastefully. So that his peers could only envy such a fashionable "outfit". And children's complexes will pass by themselves. No drastic measures will be needed. After all, the child will become fashionable and self-confident.

Hammered character. As a rule, in adolescence, the child's character is already formed and it is very difficult to change it. After all, even modest children understand that it was their shyness and fear of “answering” the offender that made them “outcasts”, but, alas, they cannot change themselves.

In fact, there are ways to help the child even in such a situation, and they are described in points 4 - 7 of our plan.

Aggressive behavior. If the child always reacts aggressively to comments (even those said on the case), to accidental shocks, to unwillingness to accept his point of view, then you should teach him to be more respectful towards others.

Explain that the world does not revolve only around him, and that his behavior makes him worse only for himself. And next time, if someone makes a remark to him, let him not snarl, but listen to him. If someone accidentally pushes, then let them “forgive” their offender. And if someone expresses his opinion, then let him listen to him and tell about his point of view, but in no case will he start to force everyone to agree with her. After all, as they say: "how many people - so many opinions."

Slowness and inattention. It is relatively easy to correct these shortcomings in a child, usually it is enough just to write him down in a section that will develop his reaction (table tennis, martial arts, basketball) and speed (athletics, football, skiing). You can also do appropriate exercises at home to develop these skills.

Sloppy and sloppy. After a serious conversation, the child may realize that it was sloppiness that made him an outcast in the class, and most likely will try to improve. After all, keeping track of your hygiene and cleanliness is not so difficult. True, for low-income families this can become a real problem, since, due to financial difficulties, they cannot always buy even the necessary things for a child. But if it is already about insults, then in such a situation it is still worth “shelling out” for new clothes for the child.

Leadership character. When a child is a leader by nature, it is difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that there is someone in the company who is more important than him. But if you transfer him to a new school, then try to explain that at first he should not even try to take power into his own hands. Indeed, for the rest of the students, he is not yet an authority. Let him first make friends with his classmates, get their respect, and then even the desire to become the main one will not make him an outcast.

4. Help of a psychologist. Not in all, but in some situations, the help of a psychologist is simply necessary, especially if classmates begin to "break" the child. If he is afraid to go to school, shudders at unexpected touches, gazes at the crowd with caution, fearing to meet another "bully", then his psyche is already slightly disturbed, and if you do not turn to a specialist in time, then the consequences can be the most terrible (about them even scary to say).

Many sections are able to educate certain skills in a child (strength, speed, reaction, logic, oratory), which, perhaps, he just lacks to cope with bullying. Therefore, it is more advisable to enroll him in any circle that will not only help him acquire the necessary skills, but also allow him to find good friends with common interests.

Important! If your child has a closed character, he is not very sociable, then it is better to recommend him to engage in individual sports, preferably martial arts.

6. Films and books. When the child is free, be sure to show him a movie or let him read a book where the heroes faced the same problem as he did. As a rule, characters initially endure ridicule, but ultimately overcome all difficulties, achieving good success in life. Perhaps other people's stories will give your child confidence and he will be able to repeat the feat of his "hero".

7. Help from an influential student. Each class has its own leaders, and, as a rule, the whole school knows about them.

Therefore, if your child is offended, then you can try to ask a high school student to help your child.

If an influential boy does not agree to protect your fifth grader "just like that", then perhaps a small financial reward will convince him.

He will only need to "scare" the main bully, and explain that if he touches your child again, then not only he, but his entire retinue will be responsible for the consequences.

As a rule, the fear of being beaten yourself will make the bully stop bullying a classmate.

8. Change of school. Of course, the easiest way to get away from the problem is to send your child to another school. But in fact, this is not a way out of the situation. After all, if in the first school he for some reason became an "outcast", then it is possible that in the second school he again will not become a "victim" of his classmates.

Therefore, first of all, try to deal with the situation, and then, you can already transfer your child to another school. Unless, of course, he himself wants to continue his studies with those who constantly offend him.

9. Application. When the bullying already reaches the point of beating the child and constantly damaging his belongings, then in this situation it is necessary to resort to serious methods of dealing with hooligans. Feel free to contact the police, write a statement to the juvenile affairs inspector, as well as a statement to the director. Send a letter of complaint to the Ministry of Education, the local department of education, all possible authorities, and the parents of the bully.

After all, as long as the children feel their impunity, they will continue to abuse your child.

Therefore, FIGHT for it by all means! GO TO THE END and GET the bullies kicked out of school to be punished! And remember that in this situation not a minute should be lost, because every day, the students “break” the psyche of your child, “break” his own “I”.

Indeed, in such situations, inaction can lead to very disastrous results.