How to get rid of attachments. Practical psychology. How to get rid of attachment

30.07.2019

Attachment to a person is a feeling that arises from strong sympathy or love and devotion to a particular person, and is accompanied by the presence of intimacy and the desire to maintain it. However, this state of affairs is not always positive, since a strong attachment to a person is capable of replacing love or arising even without its presence, and then this stickiness acts as a painful dependence and a pathology of personality development.

What is attachment

The mechanism for the development of attachment initially determines the survival of a person, because without the help of adults, the human baby is not capable of survival. To maintain these relationships and provide oneself with appropriate living conditions, attachment is formed to parental figures that provide physical survival, emotional development, and knowledge of this world. Further, more and more immersed in society, attachments are formed to educators (if attending a kindergarten), and then to other adults, then children. The formation of such attachments to those closest to the environment can be safe when there is an emotional connection, the parent listens to the child and an environment is formed that promotes confidence and adaptability in the formation of the personality).

But there are not so pleasant development options, one of which is avoidant, and it occurs if there is emotional neglect on the parental side of the child's needs, and the parent's behavior and availability turns out to be unpredictable, then the child grows up annoying, focused on external evaluation and devalues \u200b\u200bclose relationships. The most destructive form of primary attachment arising is disorganizing, when the child is constantly oppressed or intimidated, which leads to or inaction, great difficulty in establishing contacts.

It was found that people who had difficulties in the formation of attachment are no longer able to establish open relationships, they do not form heart attachment, which indicates violations and can lead to antisocial behavior.

The feeling of attachment accompanies each person, is expressed to places, objects, food and people, a certain course of events and specific relationships - everything that a person gets used to and that brings him joy can be called attachment, but it is different from the need. You can live without bindings, but with them it is more comfortable, more joyful, not so scary (depending on what attachment to and on the basis of which it was formed, such sensations complement), without needs it is either impossible to live without needs, or it is difficult and affects health and general tone.

Attachment to people can be in all types of relationships - love, friendship, parenting, and in any of the options, the basis is the desire for closeness with your object. Some of these bindings have a fairly strong influence on the further formation of the personality. So, depending on how attachment with the mother is formed, relationships with the whole society will be formed, basic trust will be present or absent, and certain ones are laid. The way the first heart affection is formed influences all further inter-sex relations, the scenarios played by the person, the ability to open up and trust. If traumatization occurs at these two levels, then the consequences are reflected in the entire personality, and to avoid a destructive influence on the further course of life not only of the person himself, but of the people he meets, often becomes possible only with the help of a psychotherapist.

A strong attachment to a person that acquires pathological characteristics is called addiction and usually occurs when there are already existing disorders in the formation of attachments, or in the presence of facts of emotional or physical abuse.

Healthy attachment is flexible, lacking in benefits, and painless and negative when there is no object of attachment. Those. a person is able to calmly experience separation, endure the uncertainty of the location and occupation of the person to whom he is attached, and the option of ending this connection causes sadness, but not a critical level, pain and a sense of meaninglessness in life.

With healthy attachment, there is a flexible adaptation of the personality that allows both participants in communication to breathe freely, giving resources to rely on and notice other areas of their lives. With a painful addiction, such flexibility is lost, and the world shrinks to one person, the variability of behavior disappears, it becomes extremely important to constantly be around or control the object of sympathy, while other spheres of life, and both partners, suffer significantly. An important marker of a painful connection is a feeling of pain, fear and a manic desire to prevent separation by any means, even if the connection does not bring happiness, even if the partner wants to leave.

Attachment does not arise at once, it takes time to form, therefore, the more you communicate with a person, and the more emotional interaction and events significant for mental life arise in this communication, the more likely the occurrence of attachment. Super-strong attachment is characterized by the intensity of passions, often making it similar to love, but the differences are that painful attachment fetters, while love liberates. It is in order not to lose their freedom that many try to avoid attachments and close relationships, thereby falling into a counter-dependent position, where freedom is also absent, since there is only one choice - not to get attached.

Is attachment to a person good or bad?

Attachment simultaneously affects several areas of human manifestation - feelings, thoughts, actions, self-perception. For such a multifaceted concept, there cannot be one answer in its assessment from the side of good and evil. Without attachment to another person, the formation of social communication, adaptability in society and providing oneself with mental comfort is not possible. If there is no attachment to parents, then the entire course of personality development is disrupted, just as if there are violations of the formation of attachment at other important stages. Being a social being, the ability to maintain contacts, the desire for rapprochement are indicators of a person's mental safety.

Attachment to another gives a sense of support and security, so you can get the support you need if your inner resources are not enough. People are attached to those from whom they can get approval and help, non-judgmental acceptance, satisfaction of existing needs. And by ensuring a good relationship with the environment, which is important for successful survival in the world, attachment reflects a somewhat childish model of interaction with the world. If you look at all the expectations from the object of attachment, then they are addressed to the parent figure, on which the child, in one way or another, is dependent. In adulthood, any attachment carries a certain amount of dependence, and only the person's level of maturity can regulate the negative consequences of this. If autonomous mental regulation is not formed, then any attachment will quickly develop into dependence, and instead of receiving support, the need for control will flare up, instead of craving to spend time mentally and well together, usefully and emotionally resourceful for both, fear of loss and a desire to chain the other will appear. nearby.

The topic of addiction about the loss of flexibility in attachment, the imprisonment of both the person himself and the one to whom he is attached is similar to drug addiction. The analogy with drug addiction is the most successful, because with a prolonged absence of another person (subjectively, a long absence may seem a day), when there is no way to find out the location of the object and receive a dose of attention from it (for example, when the entire network of a mobile operator is turned off), a state begins reflecting breaking. Emotional pain from the loss or the possibility of losing an object is felt physically and does not allow to fully exist.

If you manage not to slip into the infantile position of dependence, then attachment takes on an adult and mature form of its existence, manifested as love, where there is a full-fledged observation of all aspects of one's life, there is no tearing pain when the object is moved away, and the object of attachment itself is used not only for the purpose receiving something emotionally valuable for yourself, and more for energy exchange and caring for another. Thus, everything depends on the maturity of the individual and the degree of flexibility of this feeling.

How to get rid of attachment to a person

Usually, attachment is formed when you receive your need from another, most often it is inner strength, calmness or cheerfulness. So it is worth learning to develop these states on your own, becoming for yourself an autonomous station of emotions. Sports, yoga, various spiritual practices and psychological groups help a lot. Create sources of happiness for yourself everywhere, because expecting joy only from the presence of one person, you yourself form a toxic attachment, drive yourself into a dead end. Sitting within four walls in a blues, waiting for your soul mate to be free, and only then allowing yourself happiness is the sure way to addiction and the destruction of your relationship.

It makes sense to get rid of attachment when it begins to destroy your life and it is worth starting with the return of the lost. Usually, the first thing that fades into the background, giving way to a person, is your favorite activities and activities, so remember what brought you joy or, better, look again for activities that you could do as you immerse yourself in the process. In addition to interesting activities, start expanding your social circle - call old friends whom you forgot about, plunging into your affection, go to an event and meet new people. Expand your social circle, then you can receive the emotional buns that you receive only in those relationships from everywhere, and, most likely, more easily and positively.

Attachment to a person remains a psychological problem, so when you feel a craving for your object, think about what is missing right now (other loved ones can give you a feeling of security, you can get a feeling of being wonderful in stores from sellers, you can even get warmth). Usually, with such an analysis, some kind of emptiness looms, it can only be filled by you, be it boredom or, after all, no matter how much you plug your own holes with others, they do not disappear from this.

You should know the enemy by sight.

In getting rid of the painful attachment, one cannot act blindly. To begin with, understand what is hidden in the concept of "painful attachment"?

There are many scientific works and systems of psychological research, which see their mission as dotting the "e" and educating society about what is healthy, right, good. These systems were built on centuries of research and did not appear overnight, so they can be trusted. Other scientists and psychologists who worked in this industry included Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Jacques Lacan and others. Their authorship also belongs to modern methods of psychoanalysis, psychology of relationships and examples of natural, correct development of relationships.

“If it’s zanadto, then it’s not healthy” - as we say. So what is a "painful relationship"? Explain this to yourself by answering a simple question - are you happy? If the answer "yes" just comes off your lips, then we hasten to please you - study this article only to be information-savvy.

Attachment to a man in painful manifestations can persist, for example, after a breakup, when you already need to move on, but you cannot do this morally, first of all, and also physically - to have a new relationship, to get yourself out of bed - you cannot. All that is not reciprocal is also painful. Yes, you can make as many friends as you like, communicate with men in companies without a hint of continuation and have "friends", but it is not the lot of a real woman to "run" after a man, "dry" over him and cry into a pillow from inseparability, so unrequited sympathy with a crash falls into the common basket of painful attachment. All other examples that are available to people in multimillion-dollar examples - how many people, so many opinions - may come across on your way, but know that if this or that sympathy is non-reciprocal, it degrades your personality, somehow belittles you, infringes then boldly run.

How to get rid of painful attachment to a man?

"Inside me, it didn't let me go"

To get rid of the painful attachment, you need to complete the relationship with the unwanted-desired man within yourself. For this, not only psychological methods help well, but also the now popular meditation practices. Every day you need to let go of a moment from your common life, your path that you have passed in a certain period of time, saying goodbye with gratitude. What came to you, taught you some points, gave you lessons and experience - how can you be offended for this? Even if the experience is negative or terrible, sometimes why we feel bad, it still became a past story and there is no point in returning to it.

Orient yourself only for the future.

Often we cannot get rid of the old because the future is unfamiliar and scares us. Inspire yourself! Browse, read the stories that interest you, start interested in literature, films, clubs and sections that direction to develop. In them you will meet the right people and reveal yourself. Intersecting with someone, we expand our circle of knowledge and ossified, old opinions no longer have a place in it. To get rid of a painful attachment, you need to experience it, go through it and overcome it, but no mantras, spells and magic powders will help you if in your head, you yourself, do not renounce everything that brings you pain. I sincerely believe in you - everything will work out and you will be happy!

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Eleanor Brick

Affection is a strange feeling of needing to communicate with someone who is not in a loving, mutually beneficial, or material relationship. On the one hand, it seems that there is nothing negative in attachment to a person, but on the other hand, the desire to see and hear the object of dependence can develop into a real obsession.

The problem is that attachment is a form of destructive dependence on external circumstances.

How does attachment arise?

Attachment is normal and obsessive. With normal addiction, an emotional connection arises at the right moment, but as soon as it passes, the need for a person disappears. When the absence of a person causes emotional distress, it is quite possible that attachment has acquired an obsessive, unhealthy look.

Neurotic attachment -. This is a kind of breakdown, only not at the physiological level, but at the subtle - mental level. Dependence on a person deprives you of freedom, prevents you from living happily, and interferes with emotional peace.

Initially, addiction is in the form of a habit. This is the result of long-term contact, communication, meetings and a sense of closeness. When large-scale experiences tend to be repetitive, addictiveness is developed. If unfamiliar people communicate, meet, spend time, or live together, over time, the relationship will inevitably lead to dependence and attraction.

Attachment is a kind of emotional recharge from another person to improve your own state.

How to get rid of attachment?

This psychological addiction cannot be cured by time. A person who is attached to someone else does not perceive life adequately and does not act rationally. If the addiction arose on the basis of a love relationship, then getting rid of it is not so easy. This is explained by the fact that love is a strong experience, "the highest pleasure." That is why difficulties arise. A person subconsciously does not want to give up this feeling. And who would refuse? Especially if the relationship has ended recently, the memories are fresh, and the loss is unusual.

How can one get rid of neurotic attachment? The algorithm is as follows:

Concentrate on current events. As soon as there is an attraction to the object of addiction, at the same moment transfer your thoughts and attention to what is happening at the present time. Enjoying life here and now is the most important thing for achieving harmony with the world and your own self. The skill of switching attention to the current moment of life will save you from most problems. In the moment of digging into memory, you are living in a past that no longer exists. Calculating what will happen in 10 years - in a future that does not yet exist. This is fantasy and. Real life is happening right now, at this very moment.
Having thought about the object of emotional attraction, answer the question: "What do I want?" It so happens that we misinterpret. If you are honest with yourself, the answer is: “I feel an inner, emotional emptiness. I need to fill it out. Besides attraction and dependence, I have nothing to fill the void with. " This is proof that a person to whom there is an inexplicable attraction is not needed by you as a person. It is advisable to find something to fill the inner emptiness and apathy. These are things that help a person's growth: books, a new business, a hobby, a hobby. Do what brings you joy. Once you fill the void and eliminate boredom, attachment to the person will decrease or disappear forever.

Everything seems simple, but it was not so! Affection is an insidious feeling. Often we do not want to get rid of it at all, but living like this becomes unbearable. What to do?

What to do when you don't want to get rid of?

Do not get attached to anything, for everything is temporary.

The state when you don't want to forget and let go of the dependency object is quite normal. This is not surprising, because the state of love is close to the state of nirvana, and who wants to voluntarily refuse it?

However, you need to realize that nothing happens by chance in life. Problematic situations help people develop, grow as a person. from another person makes you ask questions and find answers to them. And so it happens.

If you don't want to get rid of attachment, then there is little choice: either to realize that the situation creates a problem and solve it, freeing yourself from addiction, or to continue to suffer and naively believe that the old relationship with the attracting person can be returned.

By the way, it will not be possible to become a springboard for the emergence of addiction and attraction. And that's why:

Nothing in life just happens. This situation is not given to you by chance. You develop, grow, change. The hope of returning a relationship is resistance to the events of one's own life. Look at the clock - the hands only go forward, and what was a week / month / year ago does not matter anymore. No matter how painful, hurtful and unpleasant it is to let the person go, you will have to let go.
The dependent person lives in a world of illusions and their own fantasies. He completely surrenders to the pictures that the insidious brain draws. Face it. In fact, this relationship has become obsolete, you do not need it. The truth is, there is an inner void that needs filling.

Drop the addiction. Realize that this state is just your own desire to receive something from the outside, to fill the emotional emptiness, to realize the need for love and care. You can alleviate the withdrawal syndrome by getting carried away with what you love, filling the void with what you really like. As soon as this happens, the need to communicate with the object of dependence will go away by itself, it will become an unnecessary ballast and an obstacle on the way to self-improvement.

Surround yourself with happy people. Stop communicating and meeting with the object of attraction. It hurts, but constant contact is much more painful. Fill your own life with new events that are of value here and in this minute. Plunge into the current life with your head and stop living the events of the past. Over time, the absence of an addictive person in life will not be perceived so sharply.

14 March 2014

Getting used to a person happens quickly, and weaning is a long and painful process. Attachment, which is also emotional dependence, disturbs the perception of reality and deprives of will. This feeling attracts, binds and holds a person, depriving him of independence. It is necessary to get rid of it, especially if it is an unhealthy addiction characterized by painful feelings during parting, temporary separation and is accompanied by the fear of loss.

Emotional attachment

Attachment is healthy and unhealthy. The first is characterized by a light emotional connection, which is easy to interrupt if the need for it disappears. Unhealthy attachment is dangerous with painful experiences when a person experiences melancholy and self-doubt during separation. Addiction deprives individuality, and his world revolves around only one. Often, without approval, he cannot make any choice, and he needs the advice of a loved one. Affected by weakness of will and emotional dependence.

Attachment to the person you love is like nirvana - a feeling that gives pleasure. It's just as hard to part with him as it is with a loved one. Being close to the person you love, there is not only a feeling of security, but also dependence on the loved one and the feeling itself. After parting with him, there is a feeling of loss of part of himself and the pain of loss. We need to stop getting attached and try to become a self-sufficient person.

How to love yourself

How to deal with attachment

To protect yourself and maintain your individuality under any circumstances, you need to get rid of addiction. This will help you gain confidence and relieve fears. Acting in a specific way can help a person overcome feelings of attachment and prevent depression caused by the end of the relationship. For this you only need:

1. Communicate more with other people. Concentration on a loved one always leads to strong addiction. When communicating with different people, thoughts and feelings are not fixated on someone one, but are divided between everyone with whom a person spends time. New people mean new emotions and different opinions. Communication will broaden your horizons and help you look at many things from the outside.
2. Learn to rejoice. The cause of addiction is a lack of positive emotions. A person becomes attached to those people with whom he is good, fun and reliable. You need to find joyful feelings inside yourself, and let them out more often. Learn to enjoy the little things and just good weather.
3. Become more cheerful. May life itself seem beautiful, filled with wonders and happy moments. You need to laugh more and entertain yourself. Over time, a person will get used to smiling more often and will feel happier, even when he is alone.
4. Find a hobby. A hobby to which you can devote all your free time, and do it for the sake of pleasure, will bring satisfaction, fill the space and take up not only your hands, but also your head. By enjoying sports, handicrafts, cooking, collecting and other fun activities, he will gradually weaken his attachment.

If attachment to a loved one develops into a painful addiction, you need to seek help from a psychologist. A qualified specialist will explain to the addict that by coping with this feeling, he will find himself and will not lose his beloved. If the patient is experiencing loss or separation, he can help him cope with the trauma and restore his zest for life.

Anyone who is predisposed to become attached to people does not feel strength and independence in himself. To stop being addicted, you need:

see a personality in oneself;
be able to entertain yourself;
learn not to be bored alone;
develop;
be in society more often.

Having rediscovered himself, a person will learn not to get attached to people and become a self-sufficient and interesting person.

How to get rid of addiction to a boyfriend or girlfriend

Attachment to a loved one or beloved creates a special look. A warm feeling is mixed with some degree of fear, and the person tries to spend more time with his beloved. When love has passed and the relationship is over, people disperse, but the habit of seeing him by his side remains for some time. To get rid of attachment to a person who has now become a stranger, you need several steps, which are recommended by relationship psychology:

1. Close the door to the past. No matter how hard it is, one must admit the fact that the past cannot be returned. We must let go of him and cross out the past, take the break in relations for granted. Over time, the feeling of freedom and independence will even be pleasant.
2. Start dating others. Feelings for a guy or a girl with whom they broke up recently are still fresh, and it is unlikely that someone else will quickly replace him. But the void formed inside will surely fill and give confidence in your feminine charms or masculine charm.
3. Learn to meditate. Having acquired such skills and learning how to relax, it will be possible to nourish yourself with energy and strength on your own. Then you don't have to look for people who will share their energy by communicating and spending time together.
4. Tune in to a positive mood. Look to the future with hope for the best and be prepared for different developments. Do not be afraid of difficulties and failures. Each victory over the circumstances is a new experience that makes you stronger and smarter.
5. Discover something new and unknown in yourself. Develop talents and try extreme. This will make you bolder, more purposeful and more confident.
6. Become a volunteer or do charity work. There are many people and animals around, which are even more difficult. Help will help you feel needed, and protecting the weak will help you feel strong.

You can get a puppy or a stray kitten. Taking care of them will distract you from sad thoughts, give joy and a new friend.

The relationship ended long ago, but the affection remained? She makes you suffer and suffer, remember the happy moments of the past and understand that it will no longer be possible to return them. Attachment is usually a natural complement to the feeling of love. But, unlike love, it is based on positive memories. A person could have done us a lot of bad things, but we still remember the best that happened and continue to "hold on" to the relationship.

How to get rid of attachment to a man? Let's look at the main ways to do this.

The first thing you need to do is acknowledge the problem. And if you constantly think about a man, remember your days and nights together, feel sad, cry and, deep down, would like to return everything, there is a problem. Relationships do not always last forever - it is better to take it for granted and try to "go away".

To overcome attachment:

Recognize that the relationship is no longer and will not be. Yes, you can be hurt, sad, offended - accept these emotions, feel them and move on.

Remember what a man did to you bad - attachment always focuses on good, but it was not only that. Turn on the vindictive bitch and write down the grievances in a list - when you see them, you will immediately want to close the doors to the past. Don't throw the list away - you may need to come back to it from time to time.

Find something to your liking - work, hobbies, meeting friends; it doesn't matter which one you choose, the main thing is that it helps. Some women simply go headlong into what they love, especially if it was not possible to do this before, others are so overloaded with work that there is no strength left for bad thoughts. The main thing is to withstand time - it does not heal by itself, but it allows a lot to be put in place.

Read more books on how to philosophize about life and let go of everything. In this case, you will need to let the man go, then you will have to do the same with friends, children, work, problems, resentments, bad thoughts. Sheer benefit!

Find a good counselor or take a group course. Our psyche is designed in such a way that we do not notice the obvious, and this prevents us from making decisions and changing our lives. The other person will draw your attention to important things and help you to quickly leave the painful attachment.