How to learn to forgive loved ones and let go of resentment. With a grudge in my heart for a close friend. How to forgive and let go
They say that female friendship does not exist. Perhaps those who think so are simply disappointed in her, not finding the answer to the question of how to forgive a friend.
Of course, it happens that friends quarrel, take offense. Some people quickly forget their grievances. But others can lose sleep, constantly mentally returning to an unpleasant incident. Tired of the carousel of unpleasant memories, a woman begins to feel irritated or turns to psychology to understand how to learn to forgive insults.
Traditionally, the advice of psychologists for those wishing to forgive a friend is of a general nature:
Think about how important a friend is in your life.
How would you act in the abuser's place in this situation - perhaps you yourself provoked this behavior.
Talk to your friend, explain your condition and feelings; think about how you feel for her after the conversation and whether you want to keep the friendship.
Some of these tips don't make sense at all. For example, advice to think about how an offended woman would act in the place of a friend. Obviously - in a different way, since the act of a friend turned out to be a reason for resentment against her. Others make the woman think about her relationship with her friend, but not about forgiving her.
Unfortunately, such advice does not help women who are stuck in their grievances to truly forgive their friend. Without knowing the mechanism by which grievances arise, it is impossible to understand how to learn to forgive grievances.
Why is it difficult for some to forgive a friend
And all because they take offense easily, but forgive hard. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that this is how the psyche of people who nature has endowed is arranged. Thus, who is responsible for honesty, loyalty, striving for purity in everything, the ability to make friends, for a unique memory, thanks to which these people are able to accumulate, store and transfer to others their main wealth - knowledge, skills and experience.
So why are such women and men the only ones capable of being seriously and permanently offended?
The psyche of a person with an anal vector is such that any deviation from what they consider to be correct creates unbearable discomfort and triggers the desire to restore inner balance. So is the desire for revenge.
In certain states, resentment takes on global forms. Sometimes mistakes in upbringing, experienced stress or life circumstances do not allow a person to fully realize his natural abilities and desires. Because of this, he feels dissatisfied with life. Not understanding the reasons for internal discomfort, he loses the ability to enjoy life. And the less such people have joy, the less they realize their potential, the more they tend to be offended at everything and everyone. A vicious circle arises.
And here an amazing memory plays a negative role - it does not allow you to forget the insult.
It's not so bad when the offender is a random person and you won't see him again. It is quite another matter when this friend is almost a member of the family whom you completely trust. For her sake, she is ready for a lot, not sparing either mental or physical strength.
But due to her mental properties, each owner of the anal vector is confident in exactly the same attitude towards herself on the part of her friend. If in some situation expectations are not met, the woman feels deceived, offended, offended. Depending on the severity of the offense and the further behavior of the offender, the amplitude of feelings can fluctuate from another insult, carefully archived in the memory store, to hatching plans for revenge against an already ex-girlfriend.
Why you need to learn to forgive hurt feelings
Resentment, like leaden boots, does not allow you to move. It doesn't matter whether a day or five years has passed - the resentment has not disappeared, but, on the contrary, has grown in the free spaces of memory. And the woman conveys her negativity, bad memories, aggression to those around her.
If the offended woman, in addition to the anal one, also has a visual vector responsible for emotions, then a huge flame can arise from the smallest spark. Resentment will grow over time, acquire new details and colors, causing great pain and demanding a leveling out of the situation. At every opportunity, an offended woman with tears will remind her friend of her wrongdoing and reproach her.
Instead of plans for life, plans for revenge are hatched: so that the girlfriend would be as bad as the offended one. Everything should be equal - this is the inner sense of justice in people with an anal vector. So, the accumulated grievances change the wonderful qualities of a person to their opposite.
Around the woman, a void gradually forms. People around them unconsciously distance themselves from people immersed in unpleasant memories, because the expression on the face, even the smells of a person change depending on his condition. For a woman with an anal vector, this is extremely important, since her purpose is to be the keeper of the hearth, to be near a man, to raise children. Unfortunately, they not only carry water to the offended, but often just leave them.
How to forgive and let go
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan gives an opportunity to any touchy person to learn how to get rid of the burden of resentment. For this, firstly, it is necessary to understand how the psyche of each of us works.
People differ from each other in their temperament, abilities, desires and capabilities, perception of the surrounding reality. It is impossible to change what is given to each by nature from birth. Only by understanding this, a person is able to understand the cause of his grievances.
We all look at others "through ourselves", our desires and abilities. Therefore, we are waiting for the same reaction to the situation, the same actions and actions that we would have done ourselves.
Our every action is driven by the desire to receive joy and pleasure for ourselves. After all, even helping someone, we get satisfaction from this. When a person has an anal vector, he experiences joy from the gratitude of others, that his actions are appreciated, that he is respected. And he expects this from those around him, but he is often deceived in his expectations (somehow they didn’t praise him well, they didn’t give a letter, they didn’t mention it at the meeting, etc.).
Each of us with all our souls involuntarily always justifies himself, his behavior, his meaning. It is not easy to acknowledge your role in the conflict - even more so for people with an anal vector. They are stubborn, inflexible by nature, they will defend their truth to the end: they decided that someone else is to blame - so let them apologize.
The realization that everyone has their own vision of life, their own goals and their own ways to become happy allows a person with an anal vector to get rid of old grievances and not look for reasons for the emergence of new ones. Two friends can look at life so differently that they can "offend" each other, even sincerely wishing well.
Maybe the one who was considered a friend is more suitable for the definition of a friend, an acquaintance with whom you can go shopping, go to the movies, gossip, spend your free time. Perhaps this friend is simply causing an unconscious feeling of “not your” person.
How to forgive a friend and make peace with her
If you are offended by a friend whose friendship is time-tested, it is possible to try to return the old relationship. To do this, you need to understand - and by what vector is her psyche controlled?
If a friend is mobile, loves variety, easily does several things, but not as carefully and meticulously as a woman with an anal vector would like, then the friend is present. She will always find a way out of any situation, but do not expect her to notice someone's offense. Such people are not familiar with this feeling themselves and do not realize that others can experience it hard.
You can, of course, talk to her about your hurt feelings. But this is a person with different natural desires and values, who easily forgets what happened yesterday, and she sincerely does not understand what kind of offense she may be talking about. Having understood your friend, her characteristics, you realize that she did not want to hurt you at all.
If you have, and a friend has, a misunderstanding may well lead to resentment.
When the desire for praise and respect is combined with an inexhaustible desire to love and be loved by a woman with an anal-visual combination of vectors - some detachment, a desire to be in silence, loneliness on the part of a friend with a sound vector may well offend. Sound specialists sometimes have a hard time enduring all these delights and noisy joy of visual women. Their receptive ear gets tired and needs rest. The ability to disappear, to hide from everyone, a disdainful attitude towards conversations about everyday life, children, shops on the part of such a friend is also a common ground for resentment.
Having figured out the numerous nuances of the structure of the psyche of their girlfriends, no one else will look for a reason for hatred and grievances. But do not go to the other extreme and scold yourself because of mistakes in behavior with your friends. It is better to use the feeling of the arisen guilt in order to act, to rethink your behavior.
How to forgive and not be offended in life
The more a person is realized in their life (it doesn't matter whether a woman or a man), the less offended he is. He has many more interesting things to do. With the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, everyone can solve the problems that have arisen on the way to a happy life and do everything not to return to the world of resentment and misunderstanding.
Those who were able to break the bonds of resentment and look at those around them with different eyes will help everyone who decides to free themselves from the burden that interferes with life:
You, too, will be able to go through life without offense - easily and with a smile. For this, Yuri Burlan's "System-Vector Psychology" is sufficient. Come along with your friend!
The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»If we forgive, then we become "higher" than our offender, because we overcame our pride, were able to restrain our emotions.
Forgiveness doesn't just provide psychological relief - it can also be beneficial for your physical health. According to a study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, people who forgive grievances experience less stress, they don't have high blood pressure, they sleep better, and they are less prone to depression.
Forgiving is very important because the only person who suffers from resentment is you.
The motives for doing bad things can vary. Scientists advise first to figure out why they did this to you, from what motives, did the person do it on purpose or unintentionally?
Also consider if the abuser really regrets what happened and sincerely wants to apologize to you? Or does he just want to be free from conscience? Also, an important role is played by how dear this person is to you. Is it worth it to cross out years of friendship?
Even if you are ready to forgive a friend or girlfriend, you must figure out the reason for lying and such behavior. Tell the abuser what you are experiencing. Let him know it hurt you, hurt your pride, make sure it doesn't happen again.
To truly learn to forgive, you need to cool down and calm down. If you are still touched to the quick, the main thing is not to flare up on emotions, otherwise you, in turn, will offend another person, and it is more difficult to survive mutual resentment.
Be smarter and don't bring the situation to conflict. To calm down, just be a little alone, alone or distracted by other thoughts.
A study by the University of Cleveland demonstrates that people who empathize with their offenders and put themselves in their shoes are more likely to feel hurt and forgive.
It often happens like this: you are offended not because they want to harm, but on the contrary - to help. Therefore, to make it easier to forgive, rethink the situation that happened to you. Try to look at the facts that hurt you from the other side. Perhaps harsh words will turn out to be the truth, which simply cannot be offended. Thus, you will be able to realize the reason for the person's action, draw conclusions for yourself and move on.
Prepared based on materials from the site www.womenshealthmag.com
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How to forgive a friend
Since his life already means punished! I had worse cases but with my friends!
Anyone can be forgiven
people do not change! If a friend betrayed - he's just an animal
This situation is primarily important for yourself.
I never liked to fall into a state of permanent depression.
At least, he never showed it. At work, during communication, I did not give a reason to think that everything was not all right with me. I am a strong person. But when I'm alone, I allow myself to release emotions. And when I get bored, I just go out and have fun. After reading the answers listed above and below, I will say this: I cannot do the same with him. Then I'll just stop respecting myself. Probably, we must completely forget him and start living again. I NEED NEW EMOTIONS AND RELATIONSHIPS. It's hard to make best friends in just 25. Some buddies. Who thinks what.
I agree with Thomas. This is a school of life, you just need to get the most out of it.
you can't trust a person for 100% (neither husband, nor parents, nor children, nor friends). just a man is a man, he is not ideal, not eternal, not omnipotent. A person should be treated like a person: love, forgive, understand. life will show what's what. Yes, it is difficult, yes, it hurts. when it hurts too much, I cry and pray. after that there is no anger, no hatred, no unforgiveness.
Only time will heal this wound. No contact with him.
You can forgive him in your soul. but don’t trust him anymore and don’t tell anything serious. be on your own mind. all people in our time have gone two-faced, each rowing for himself and from this you will not get anywhere. fight fire with fire. do the same with him and then he will feel all the pain of your soul.
tough, however. do not dig another hole.
When asked to forgive or not? I think that it is simply NECESSARY to forgive. You don't need to carry such a load in your soul. Of course, there is no trust in him in the future. Every person has a lesson in betrayal at least once. Someone betrayed you, someone betrayed you. Until you have learned this lesson, the betrayal will continue. One must not despise it, but understand that it is, just as there is fidelity. Let it exist parallel to your life, but not intersect. Good luck to all of us!
Let it go. In general, we ourselves, willingly or unconsciously, involve certain relationships and events in our lives. The feeling of resentment is a reason to think about what our "merit" is.
But we don't choose friends on purpose.
At least that's how it was with me. We met quite by accident. And both immediately realized that they had found each other. In the best sense of the word. Of course, we are not all saints: both I and he gave each other a reason to swear, but this did not go beyond any framework. And then everything happened. So suddenly. And so vile. I would not wish such a feeling on the enemy either. And I still haven't answered him. I just don't know what to say.
"Completely accidental" is unlikely. On our way, there are those people that we need right now and precisely for a specific lesson. From personal experience, I learned the betrayal of a friend at the same time as the betrayal of the girl I loved. Sometimes it happens, you come. there is no friend or girlfriend :)). At first, frankly speaking, it was bad, the range of thoughts from "kill them both" to "kill myself." No wonder they say time heals. Time does not heal, but time allows you to understand yourself. So when I figured it out, I realized that it was good that this rottenness got out so early, and if I got married, I would have made children, and then this crap .. And in general I am very grateful to those women who were in my life and who did not my wives. Otherwise, I would not have met the most beautiful woman on Earth (it is understood for me), I would not have had wonderful children and I would not be so happy. Good luck to all of us!
Dude, you're a complete optimist. 😉
Indeed, good luck to all of us. 😉
The question is strange, HOW TO FORGIVE, in my opinion YOU simply make the decision to forgive and forgive. Another thing is that you are still in a state of resentment, anger, disappointment at him (such an impression is made from your message). Maybe shift the priorities of the question a little? For example: What to do with the desire to be with a friend again and resentment towards him? Try to formulate your question differently, and perhaps we will sort out your situation 😉
What to do with a friend, with the desire to be with him, and with a feeling of disappointment in him?
🙂 I will answer this question in this way - do with a friend what you want to do with him, you can continue to want to be with him, or you can be with him, you can continue to linger on the feeling of disappointment, or you can start feeling. Which one will you choose this time? Maybe your options have appeared?
I woke up this morning and realized: I DO NOT NEED IT. 😉
Life goes on! And she is beautiful. 😉
Well, we thought about it and made a decision 🙂 Glad for you
But now, no best friends and all that bullshit! Friends, please! I don’t want to be back in our souls% @ li! 😉
To be honest, I am somewhat upset by your statement. All the same, I do not consider the best friends "any garbage" But this is purely my subjective opinion. But still. If you are ready to go further, answer the following question: What should be the best friend, what qualities should you have, etc.
What should be a best friend?
This is that friend, tested by time and life. with whom it is quiet next to. With this you can not only talk, but also keep silent. Does and thinks like me. A person whom I sincerely respect and love. He's like a brother to me. And with which we look in the same direction.
Yes, yes, sorry for the delay 🙂 Very good. It turns out that this is the person who shares your views on the world, whom you trust? The question is about the test of time and life - if you express it in years, days, hours. How long does it take for you to understand that he passed the test?
Time-tested is when how.
Very happy about you. I am sure you will find your old friend. And the questions. to be honest, nothing comes to mind yet.
He was amazed and very glad to hear my voice on the phone!))) It may be a coincidence, but we will meet in Sochi at the end of August. I AM WILD GLAD.
Great! To paraphrase one aphorism: Coincidence is the name of God when he wants to remain incognito 🙂 How does it feel?
Everything became just fun! 🙂 It seems that even the world has become more colorful and cheerful! Hope everything will be ok.
Well that we will continue our communication
More precisely, we will renew the old ones!)
just great, I admire your ability to act quickly and decisively. And I'm very happy for you.
Damn, we wrote so many sms to each other yesterday! 😉 Let's call this the renaissance of our friendship. ;-D Now I'm waiting for my vacation. Now I am re-reading the previous entries and it seems as if it was not with me.
Yes, indeed, a true friend is known in trouble)))
In trouble, they can sympathize and help. But not many are capable of sincerely rejoicing without feeling envy.
And in my life it so happened that
Life has always divorced me from its best friends. I got burned badly. When a person close to you, whom you trust, betrays. It hurts and insults. Now I’m even afraid to communicate, get closer to friends. I’m afraid of betrayal again.
Keep people at a distance.
Of course, you want to have a close soul, to talk to someone heart to heart, etc. But again I don't want to experience betrayal either. It seems to me that it is better not to immediately succumb to emotions, but to check the person for "lice". Eat more than one pound of salt with him. He will not only support the way in trouble. Friends are not known in trouble, but in joy.
Guys, thank you very much. 😉
How familiar it is to me.
It was exactly the same.
with a note in the letter that he is to blame :))
Yes, this is not an option
It should be more sophisticated, so that he would not be familiar)))
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How to forgive a close friend?
It is easy to offend a person, but to forgive is much more difficult, because our instinct of self-preservation and a sense of pride are triggered here. However, for the most part, people deserve forgiveness because hurtful words or actions are done unconsciously or in the heat of the moment.
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How to forgive a friend
How to forgive a friend Since his life already means punished! I had worse cases but with my friends! You can forgive anyone people do not change! If a friend betrayed - he
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Text Psychology:
Any close relationship is impossible without trust and understanding. When a friend betrays you, you can hardly ever forget about her act, but if she repents and asks her to forgive, then maybe it is worth trying to keep the relationship? After all, not always one bad deed crosses out dozens of good ones. Forgiving is difficult, but if you don't learn to forgive, you can lose too much.
Instructions
Assess your feelings. If you want your friend to stay in your life, you will have to step over her deception or betrayal. If you are not ready for this, if you don’t want to see her, not only now, but never again, then you should not torture both of you. Tell her honestly and end the relationship. If you are offended, disappointed, angry, but have no idea how you will live without her, then you need to forgive, first of all, for your own sake. You don't want to be unhappy about the traumatic act over and over again?
Be prepared for forgiveness to be a long process. A decision made and an intention does not mean an instant result. It takes time to heal a cut or bruise, just as it takes weeks, months, and sometimes years for a wound to heal.
Recognize that everyone has the right to make mistakes. Perhaps you have at least once in your life been close to deceiving someone's trust? Have you ever let anyone down? If you can be wrong, then your loved one doesn't have to be perfect either. Have you managed to resist all temptations? This is good, but unfortunately most people are far from perfect. They have to work on themselves. Show patience and understanding.
Talk to your friend frankly. Tell her what you are feeling. Let her know the pain and frustration you are experiencing. But do not shout, do not blame, talk only about yourself and then listen to her. Perhaps she will be able to somehow explain her act, and it will no longer seem so monstrous to you. Perhaps in this situation there are some circumstances that you do not know about, some motives hidden from you.
Put yourself in her shoes. Could you do the same thing? And if you did, how would you feel after? Would you like to be understood and tried to forgive in such a situation?
Be clear about the boundaries of your forgiveness. Tell her that you are ready to give her a chance to restore the relationship, but only on the condition that she is aware of what happened and will never do this to you again.
Don't expect the relationship to be the same right away. Even if you sincerely managed to forgive your girlfriend, this does not mean that you trust her again in the same way as before the event that jeopardized your friendship. Time will pass, and if your loved one makes an effort to regain your faith in him, there will certainly come a moment when you will feel that your forgiveness is complete.
Resentment, like all negative emotions, destroys first of all the most offended and does not bear any benefit. This unpleasant feeling arises for one simple reason, when a mismatch occurs in a person between the expected and actually committed act of another person.
How to forgive an insult and let go
First, understand that the other person does not have to do the way you want. Equally, as you should not be led by the people around you and do everything for their good. Each person does whatever he needs, based on his principles and needs. And the desire to do something for someone should be voluntary. Therefore, the actions of people can be different and not always good.
Resentment also arises not only because of the act itself, but also as a result of your interpretation of it. For example, when you ask a loan from a person to whom you yourself have repeatedly lent, and he refuses you. To forgive a deep resentment in this case is easier than simple: what if your friend himself has little money? You understand that first of all he must take care of his own budget, and only then about someone else's.
You are offended because you think it owes yourself, and the reasons for the refusal are insignificant and frivolous. In fact, you cannot know everything about the other person and the motives for his actions. To forgive an insult without losing self-respect, it is important to understand that all people have their own reasons for certain actions.
At least two people always suffer from your resentment - this is you and your offender, because resentment is a feeling that destroys you and your health from the inside, and what you say spoils the mood and attitude of another person. So you need to find a positive explanation for a person's deed, so as not to feel offended. This will preserve your health, the health of the abuser, and your relationship. Triple effect instead of double damage!
If you have been offended on purpose, ignore and do not give in to negative emotions, remember that they only destroy you. And indifference on your part will punish the offender more than your revenge.
If a person has offended you inadvertently, it is all the more stupid to be offended in this case. Why torment yourself from the inside in vain, when there is not even a reason for this.
Negative emotion should not be suppressed, but replaced with positive feelings. If you are unsure of how to forgive an offense, it can be very helpful to feel genuinely grateful. True, a person who pisses you off, provokes or offends you, gives you one more practice in overcoming negative emotions and achieving harmony with yourself and the outside world. When a lump in your throat rolls up from resentment or your heart rate increases, thank your offender for the extra opportunity to strengthen your spirit!
Goodbye no offense
You have been offended. They made it clear to you that you are not considered, that you are considered bad, incompetent, that you are not appreciated, loved, and respected. You constantly mentally return to this situation, scroll through it. Resentment prevents you from living and enjoying life.
First you need to stop and think about yourself. Does it really matter to us the opinion of the person who offended you? Maybe you are worried in vain? Maybe the person who offended you is simply poorly educated or stupid, but they do not take offense at such. How long have you been offended? If some time has passed, is it worth worrying about what has already passed? If the resentment comes back again and again, then you have been hurt. How to forgive past grievances?
Analyze how you felt at the moment of resentment. Maybe you were just unwell or you were very tired, so you could be "hooked" by any inadvertently spoken phrase.
If you are unsure of how to forgive the hurt, look for excuses for the bully. Maybe he didn't want to offend at all, he just said something without thinking, and you took everything too close to your heart? Find an opportunity to mentally forgive the abuser. Be noble, it will only do you good.
It is necessary to understand that the offense was in the past, it has remained in the past, and you live in the present. Learn to forgive insults, switch to the present. Take care of what needs to be done now.
Think about what the situation in which you have been wronged can teach you. What should be done to prevent this situation from happening again.
Forbid yourself to "cheat" and feel sorry for yourself. As long as you feel sorry for yourself, you will remember your grievance, cherish it.
Do not allow yourself to wish the abuser evil. This will not fix the trouble of the past, but will make the present and the future worse.
Treat the hurt as a past trouble. Treat her as you would any other unpleasant past. Analyze it, draw conclusions for yourself and let it go. Put it in your mental closet, close it with your mental lock and forget.
Do something to boost your self-esteem. To forgive an offense without losing your self-respect, remind yourself of your merits. Take care of yourself if you feel "weak". Level up, do gymnastics, or read a good book. Relax. Compensate for the feeling of resentment with something pleasant. For example, buy yourself something tasty, spend an evening with friends, get out into nature. Visit friends who love and appreciate you.
Live in the present and may everything be fine with you.
How to get rid of resentment and forgive
You had a friend, you trusted him, talked about some of your innermost things, and this friend offended you, for example, he blurted out your secret. Or didn't visit you at the hospital. Or did not want to listen to your complaints about life and help you in solving some of your problems. Or ... There can be many situations. You are hurt, bad, hurt. You are ready to howl at the moon or destroy a friend who offended you. How to forgive grievances against friends in order to live a full life and rejoice again?
If you do not know how to forgive an offense, first you should realize that the most unpleasant thing has already happened, the relationship with a friend is no longer as great as it was before. You will hardly trust this person so recklessly, tell him your secrets, you will not rely on him in difficult times.
You can "pick out" the insult, feel sorry for yourself, blame your former friend for all mortal sins. This is a dead end road. In its extreme versions, this path can lead to a long war with a former friend, to destructive hatred, or to various options for self-destruction - alcoholism, drug addiction, etc.
Building new relationships
It is much more productive to either forget about an unpleasant situation, or forgive a friend, or build a new relationship, taking into account the fact that a friend may offend you.
First of all, you need to understand why the trouble happened. Talk to a friend, ask about his vision of the situation. Maybe at that moment he had his own problems, which occupied him much more than communicating with you or are there other "mitigating" factors? Will you keep sulking if your friend apologizes for what happened? Consider whether reconciliation is possible and, if possible, under what conditions.
Think about why you needed this friend. Was he just an acquaintance with whom it is pleasant to spend time, a partner, a "vest"? If you need this communication in the future, then you should try to forgive insults against your friends.
Is it worth "keeping" a grudge?
If you don't know how to forgive an offense, look at the situation from the outside. Retell what happened in the third person, as if talking about a stranger. Try to emotionally “withdraw”. Maybe the situation is not so terrible, and nothing happened?
Analyze your state at the moment of resentment - maybe you just felt bad, so you reacted painfully to what in another situation you would have reacted with a smile?
Remember, losing a friend is much easier than maintaining a friendship. Think, do you need this resentment between you or should you treat it as an annoying misunderstanding?
adminA person cannot do without communication for a long time, he needs to discuss what he saw, heard, consult, boast. But it is impossible to approach the first person you meet and dump your joys and problems on him. For this we have friends and family.
Each girl has a close friend with whom she shares her innermost secrets and desires. But, often life presents an unpleasant surprise - the best and most beloved friend betrays.
For a person who does not expect anything bad, a friend's betrayal is a knife in the back, an event that terrifies, drives. All people are different, some experience the situation in their souls, the latter go into depression, stop believing in people, others tear and dash.
So what is the betrayal? Your friend cheats, does not say anything, gives your secrets to a third party, or maybe she seduces your boyfriend? Be that as it may, and no matter how grave the offense on her part is, it is a betrayal. This attitude towards friendship is unacceptable and sooner or later a conflict situation occurs, which leads to a major quarrel.
What is better: forget and communicate as before, forgive and stop communicating, or maybe take revenge? Hurting her as much as it hurts you now?
What to do if a friend has betrayed?
Psychologists advise not to take revenge, even if you want to. You need to treat your ex-girlfriend with indifference, ignore her. For the traitor, it will be unpleasant that nothing has changed in your life, you continue to live peacefully and happily. Such a punishment for any person will be heavy, such behavior will hurt more painful than any revenge.
If, nevertheless, revenge overshadows your sanity and you want to humiliate your ex-girlfriend, you can dishonor her. Making ridicule in front of other people is an easy method of revenge - you know about all the secrets of your ex-girlfriend. You can even do it carefully and anonymously, so that people do not judge you, you know the weaknesses and disadvantages of this person. But do you really want to be like her? What is it for?
If your friend put you in an unpleasant light in front of others, do not rush to do the same to her, approach the situation wisely. In the event that a friend spread false rumors about you, appeal them. Thus, the ex-girlfriend will appear as a liar and a gossip. If your friend has revealed the innermost secrets that you told her, do so that everyone takes it as a joke. If the traitor laughed at you in front of mutual friends, laugh with them, then the situation will go away, and the friend will look stupid.
All this is very unpleasant, but nothing really terrible happened, even if strangers found out your secrets. Soon everything will be forgotten, people have their own problems. But both you and others will learn that the person who betrayed you,.
If you decide to remind your ex-girlfriend of her betrayal, do not lose sight of the moment that no one goes unpunished when inflicting dirty tricks on another person. This rule works throughout a person's life. If you do and send negative to the environment, then it will certainly come back to you in the future. Let go of the situation and forgive your girlfriend.
How to behave with a friend who has betrayed?
First of all, pull yourself together. If you do not want to part with your friend, then take a closer look and observe her. After a while after such a decision, you will feel whether it is worth communicating with this person further.
Understand why your friend treated you this way? What if this situation is also your fault. If the traitor asks to listen to her, agree, and let her explain her behavior.
Women are emotional and therefore the friendship between them constantly encounters various problems, which sometimes lead to quarrels, conflicts and a showdown.
To avoid possible misunderstandings and make sure that there was a place for betrayal, carefully consider the situation:
Make sure you are 100% betrayed.
Women are impulsive in life. This character trait leads to the commission of rash acts in a moment of rage and despair, which are then regretted. Therefore, first of all, calm down, think it over, and only then take action in relation to your friend.
Sometimes a person is wrong, so figure out the situation. Maybe your friend didn’t want to betray you, it’s just the circumstances.
If your friend did something wrong with you, try to understand why this happened. Maybe you could offend her and do the wrong thing towards her.
Only after you fully understand the situation, make the right decision, which will allow you to get out of the situation with minimal losses. If a friend acted deliberately, then it is better to break off the relationship with such a person. Such people cannot be trusted. If you decide to forgive the traitor, then over time, a similar situation may repeat. Of course, this does not mean that you need to completely remove it from your life. Communicate with her, are in the same company, but show that you no longer trust her.
How to forgive a friend?
The opinion of most psychologists coincide on one thing: in case of betrayal, it is best to simply forget it, erase it from your life. It's best for you. Forgiving, you let go of the situation and the stone from the soul, and it becomes easier and easier to live on.
Every person in life can make a mistake in their actions at least once. Maybe she didn't want to do this, but now she wants to fix the situation and make peace with you. And if you decide to continue the relationship, you do not need to remind your friend of mistakes every time and reproach her for a perfect mistake. Over time, you will understand your friendship and understand whether you can trust it further.
Why do friends betray?
To answer this question, first of all, let's understand the psychology of betrayal. There are times when a person unknowingly betrays a friend. And this happens not only with friends, but also with other close and dear people. Sometimes a person does not understand that he is betraying a close friend, and the retribution is always very unpleasant.
People living at the present time misunderstand the meaning of some things and words, since it was laid down incorrectly for them. Therefore, such situations arise and the admission of serious problems in life. Most people understand that they acted badly only in old age and this is a sad fact.
Betrayal of a friend is a nuisance in a girl's life. If you look at this story from the other side, then everything is not so terrible.
After analyzing the situation, you will understand how important this person is to you as a friend. After all, she was able to inflict a lot of pain on you, and even your friendship did not stop her. Even though you have lost your girlfriend, there is no need to be upset. You don't need this kind of friendship. If there is some part of your guilt in the betrayal, just learn a lesson for yourself and do not make similar mistakes in the future.
For every person, the betrayal of a loved one brings grief and disappointment. Most say that betrayal from someone close to you is not forgiven. If you look at it, then each case is individual, and it is you, and not someone else, who should make the decision. Only a sober view of the problem will allow you to do the right thing.
When you cannot deal with the betrayal yourself, it is best to turn to a psychologist who will help you make the right decision and teach you not to be angry with your friend.
The main thing is to remember that after such situations you do not need to cry and worry. You are surrounded by people who are able to be friends for real, take a closer look. Yes, even forgiving a betrayed person, it is difficult to forget the very fact of betrayal and it is difficult to start trusting other people anew. But you need to live on and it is better to do it with a light heart and without the burden of revenge on the heart.
March 30, 2014, 18:30