How to correctly explain to a child the main points of a safe life? How to correctly explain to a child what is good and what is bad

People live in society. Every day we meet a lot of people, we work with them, communicate and make friends. Communication between people is carried out according to special laws of morality and ethics, which we must observe. Soon we will have to send our own children "to the people". It is worth thinking about their moral education.

When to start moral education of a child?

Many parents believe that their child a little under 3 years old commits various nonsense and plays pranks completely involuntarily. It's just that he still does not know much, and he is not ready to master moral norms yet. That is why the baby does not understand what is good and what is bad, and, according to the parents, is not able to understand.

Psychologists advise to carry out the simplest test. Ask your child to walk into an empty room and turn away from you. Then explain that he should not turn around while you are unwrapping the gift for him. If the child cannot restrain himself and looks, then his reflexes are really still involuntary, and he is not able to lead himself. If the child endured the moment of unpacking the gift, it means that he is ready to assimilate the first moral concepts and observe moral norms.

Correct organization of the child's free time

By about 3-4 years old, the child becomes a full member of society, since now moral relations are available to him. Society itself presents to the child the first rules of behavior. At first parents explain that one cannot steal, lie, offend the weaker, that one must share with friends, help them. Then the child hears about the same thing and in kindergarten, on the street, in transport etc. The formation of the child's behavior is also facilitated by cartoons, books, computer games. That is why parents should closely monitor their child's “assortment” of entertainment.

If you are correct organize your free time child, then he will soon begin to understand which qualities can be attributed to virtues, and which are not, how it is necessary to act in certain situations. At the same time, you must take care of yourself. In small children visual-figurative thinking and parents are the unconditional authority. That is, acting in any situation, you give the child a model of behavior, which sooner or later he will definitely apply. Remember the parable about how the family did not respect the old grandfather, who lived with them: poorly fed, did not help, laughed at him. Their little son, watching this, once said that when they got old, he would treat them the same way. Before you teach your child something, learn it yourself!

However, it is not enough for your child to simply know the rules of proper behavior. They need to be able to observe, apply in practice, and not just be able to, but show a sincere desire to do this and not otherwise. The question arises: how to teach this?

How to teach a child the right behavior?

Of course you can force. From childhood, the child gets used to the standard "carrot and stick" method: did the right thing - the reward, wrong - the punishment. Over time, children develop a reflex. They strive to receive praise or reward, respectively, perform the right actions, do the right deeds. However, such motives are not conducive to personal development. Soon, the child's behavior will be rebuilt, he will have other authorities, interests, friends and, as a result, a huge number of options for behavior models.

There is very interesting way development of skills of correct behavior. It's a game... Take table tennis balls, put them in a container. Leave the other container empty. Ask your child to move the balls from one vessel to another using a concave spatula. After completing the assignment, tell him the story of the boy. An adult asked him to move the balls without using his hands. The boy tried at first, but when the adult came out, he began to do everything with his hands, and then he did not admit how he managed to complete the task.

Ask your child:

• - what did the boy do?
• - why does the child consider his act to be wrong?
• - how would the child himself act in this situation?

Listen carefully to the child. Then ask him to move the balls with a flat spatula. In the middle of the process, go out and observe how honestly the child does everything. Then have a conversation.

Most modern parents still have problems with raising children, and the main question for parents is whether. After all, the child himself cannot understand what he can do and what cannot. Of course, parents mostly consult with friends or relatives or look for information on the Internet, but if you think about it, then all those people who advise you something do not understand this issue themselves, having no experience in this problem.

You can continue to listen to them, but as you can see for yourself, this does not give you any result. Psychologists have found out the main reasons and methods that will help you understand how to correctly explain to the child about the prohibitions, and applied these tips to other families. To the surprise of psychologists, all 100% of parents who followed their advice solved this problem in almost 3-4 days. Your choice is yours, to listen to relatives and friends who know little about this, for the sake of respect, or to solve the problem once and for all.

What do you want to prohibit the child

The first and important problem on the way to solving the issue how to properly explain to a child about prohibitions, lies in the fact that the parents themselves do not understand what to prohibit the child. You probably also do not understand what you want from the child, but are already creating a problem that does not make sense. Calm down, take and write down everything that you are going to prohibit the child from doing, seeing and thinking. This is more effective than just pointless thinking and worrying about something.

You need to act, and for this you need to understand what you want from the child. Prohibitions should be reasonable, because you love your child, and you want him to live a healthy, happy and free life. It is necessary to select those prohibitions that can harm the child. Psychologists identify the most important and common prohibitions that can harm a child, these are: television, smoking, alcohol, crime, theft, offensive words, the Internet, and the wrong company. This is only a small part of the list, but you should get the basics. Make your list after thinking well about the problem.

The child does not want to listen to your inhibitions.

An equally common problem on the way to solving the question of how to correctly explain to the child about prohibitions is that the child simply does not want to listen to you and, what you prohibit, continues to do. Here it is immediately proved that screaming and physical application will not help. We need a different approach, a psychological one. Since all children are different, you need to either study your child yourself or consult a psychologist. But in any case, you can just read the article: how to raise an obedient child, which will help you solve your problem, which prevents you from solving the issue and the main problem. Of course, the child does not need cruel control, and it makes no sense to constantly monitor what the child does forbidden. You need to learn how to do it correctly, explain to the child, share your own experience and show by example how good or bad it is. Words play a small role, but if they are supported by a vision so that the child himself sees how it is, then you will no longer need to control the child, since he himself knows that this is bad.

How to explain correctly to a child

First of all, you need not only to be able to forbid a child to do something, you just need to learn how to explain to the child about the prohibitions. Everyone can forbid a child something, but few can tell, show and explain. In fact, everything is simple, you need to allocate 1 day of your life for all this. This day will be dedicated only to the child. On this beautiful day, you need to be difficult to constantly talk about what you can and cannot. You just need to have a good time together, start trusting, respecting, and loving each other. Without this, the subsequent conversation will be meaningless. Determine the place where you will spend this day together, immediately decide on the topics of conversation, prepare the child for a pleasant time. Everything should not be too serious and compulsory.

If the child doesn't want to, put it off the next day. In the process of communicating with your child, when you began to trust each other, understand and love, start a conversation about life. Ask the child about what he wants to achieve in life, whether he has a dream, goals, whether he is happy, and what he lacks for complete happiness. Then, casually hint that in order for him to achieve his dreams, he needs to give up certain bad habits, the wrong lifestyle and everything on your list. Believe it or not, 100% of the tested families who used this method improved on that very day the state in the family, they no longer need to control the children, as they themselves understand that this cannot be done, as this will prevent them from achieving their dreams and become happy.

Spend more time with your family and children

Every family has Problems, were and will be, but in order to explain to the child what he should not do, explain it better to him how to live, if you yourself have experience. Since the problem is not in the children, but in the parents, who themselves have not yet learned how to live, and, moreover, have bad habits and commit prohibitions that they want to prohibit children. If you do the same, then understand that the child is the smartest person, he copies his parents, and will do everything that the parent does. Therefore, change yourself first, if you want the children to change. There is no point in teaching your child what you yourself are not good at. Love your children, appreciate their every mistake, give them a chance to correct it themselves.

Spend more time with your family and children, if work prevents you from doing this, then realize that work or family is more important to you. After all, you can spend time with your family and work, combining business with pleasure. Everything is in your hands, your mind will do whatever you want, you just need to learn to think and think correctly, which everyone can do. If you want to develop creativity in your child, which is quite simple, read the article: We teach children to draw, because when a child is busy with some activity, he will not have time for bad deeds.

If you have experience, knowledge, or you have your own opinion about this issue and problem, write your thoughts in the comments. If you have any problems or questions related to this topic, feel free to ask them in the comments.

Hello dear readers! Not all adults follow the rules. We already understand that in some places it is possible and necessary to bypass them in pursuit of personal interests. But what to do when it comes to a child? Is it worth rejoicing in blind obedience and how to fight if the baby is what you tell him.

Not all parents know how to correctly explain to a child what is impossible, and this leads to many problems. Some kids have to be reminded 15 times that it is better not to run under the swing, but in the end they still bruise their heads and cry for a long time.

Other babies, as a result of serious care, cannot make a single decision, and therefore they tug on their already tired mother: "Can I take this toy here." It becomes really scary for the future of such children, because what will they have, at school, and then at work? Will they always look for those people who can lead them? This is real.

The most common psychological problem in adults is connected precisely with the one that began at an early age.

In this article, I will give you many helpful tips to help you raise your child. You will learn how to help the kid and sneak really bad, and in what cases it is vital. Well, let's get started.

It must be remembered

Recently, for some reason, I have been haunted by the phrase “comfortable child”. I often began to hear about children who do not shout, do not indulge in, they have no desire to pour water on the carpet or even on the ground at 1 year old, draw on the wallpaper and show independence in working with coloring pages: “Now mom will come and tell what dress should to be with Snow White. "

Many parents dream of a perfectly obedient child, not even realizing that such behavior is not only not characteristic of small children, but also indicates their not entirely full development. A kid or an adult cheats for personal gain, and that's okay.

Trying to make your child comfortable with inhibitions and exhortations runs the risk of influencing them and limiting their creativity. Over time, under pressure from adults, they are squeezed out. The kid understands that it is better not even to try to show independence, because the consequences will be negative.

If you dream of a child who will be not only comfortable, but also mentally healthy and independent, I can recommend you a book Anna Bykova "The Secret of a Lazy Mom"... It contains many tips on how to become happy parents and, without forgetting about the safety of the child, give him the freedom he needs.

Five rules of prohibition

The most important rule to keep in mind is that your baby shouldn't have too many inhibitions. Try not to prohibit everything. So he will not be able to remember all the places where you cannot go or poke your fingers, and he will definitely choose the most dangerous. Try to forbid him what he really should not do.

There are things that are vital for the development of a small personality, but they cause discomfort to adults. For example, when a baby screams, runs, throws toys. This activity helps the child to learn about the world, as well as to be physically active. Do not forbid your baby to do what he needs.

In no case do not limit yourself to the phrase "this is not allowed." Explain to your child why or taking someone else's is bad. Spend more time on this topic so that the child's brain can better absorb the information. Thanks to the explanations, your little one will not have the desire to "pick the forbidden fruit" or ignore the instructions, he will understand the cause-and-effect relationship.

The thing is that at a young age the word “no” leads, as a rule, to two conclusions - bad parents who forbade something or I’m a loser: “Adults can play with fire, but I can’t, it means with me that something is wrong. "

When you forbid something to your baby, it is very important that your voice is calm. Do not be nervous. It's great if you sit down to be on the same level with your child. In this case, you move from the category of "mentor" to "good counselor". Explain and share. Better now you spend 20 minutes on this topic than later face a relapse or consequences.

And do not forget that the baby is not doing something in order to annoy you or make you nervous. He simply does not understand how to behave correctly. You are an adult and you have the sacred right to be a guide for your own child in this still unknown world for him, it depends on you which path he chooses.

That's all for me. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter. Until next time.

There comes a time when a child begins to wonder where he came from, his younger brother or sister. Parents prefer not to answer such a delicate question at all, or to “dismiss” the most popular phrases: “found in cabbage,” “a stork brought you to us,” “you are not yet mature enough”. Modern psychologists are sure that the untruth told by parents about the birth of babies is one of the reasons for the development of a child's distrust of their parents.

How to explain correctly to a child 3-6 years old, 6-10 years old and older, where children come from - advice from psychologists and experienced parents

If a child is interested in the question of how children are born, then he will not back down until he receives an answer. And he needs to answer the truth, presented taking into account his age. Otherwise, he will still get to the bottom of the truth, but he will learn it from other sources that will not be as scrupulous in such a matter as parents.

Explanation options for children 3-6 years old

Children 3-6 years old need to be told the truth, but not reveal all the details. You can tell how dad and mom met each other, fell in love, and then got married. Mom got pregnant, the baby lived for nine months in her tummy, and then was born.

At this stage, it is not necessary to explain all the little things, because the child is not ready for them. But a truthful answer will already help to establish a trusting relationship between the child and his parents, with whom he can always discuss any issue.

Teacher A. Sobolev:

Talk to your child about sex in a language appropriate for his age. At 3, 4 or 5 years old, when asked where the children come from, you can calmly answer: “From my mother’s tummy. The kids are safe and warm there, they grow up under the mother's heart. " For the little ones, this will be enough.

To the question "How is a child born?" - answer: "The mother has a special hole in the lower abdomen, through it, with the help of the doctor, the baby is taken out into the light." - "I want to see!" - says the child. “This is impossible. Everyone has special places on their bodies that should not be shown to anyone. " By the way, right there it would be nice to ask if he knows exactly what these places are.

The next question: "How does the baby get into the mother's stomach?" Older children tend to ask about this. Answer: “A seed appears in the mother’s tummy, from which the baby grows. When mom and dad sleep together, they hug, and the seed from dad goes to mom. "

At the age of 10-11, you can already explain exactly how this happens: “When mom and dad want to have a baby, because they love each other, they gently hug and kiss before falling asleep, and then the seed from dad's penis through the hole at the bottom of my mother’s abdomen, it gets inside her body. This is how a new life is born. "

Psychologist M. Khors:

I believe that it is most correct to introduce such information into a child's life gradually. But at the same time, in no case should you lie to your children. Even if you think that it is inappropriate to tell the truth on this issue, there is a possibility of not telling the whole truth at once!

In the sex education of my children, I adhere to the following scheme:

1. When at 3-4 years old daughters began to ask questions about their own origin, I said that children are born, if mom and dad love each other - it's all honest, because about sex they often say: “Let's make love”.
2. A couple of years later, I added information about the fact that for the birth of children you need not only love each other, but also kiss, then a baby appears in the mother's stomach - again, no lies, indeed during sex they often kiss.
3. Today (at the age of 8 and 10), my daughters know that for the appearance of children, a man and a woman must sleep embracing in the same bed, kiss, love each other and really want a child - all the truth.
4. The next message is that cuddling in bed brings pleasure and joy to all participants in the process.

With this approach, it will be much easier for me to give them the final tranche of information. And it will not be a shock to them.

Psychologist Oksana Yamashkina:

The most important thing here is to relax and understand that this is an absolutely normal question. Do not be shy, you need to tell the truth and not come up with stories about cabbage and storks, otherwise, having learned the truth from others, your child will stop trusting you. It is not necessary to describe the process step by step, suffice it to say that it grows “in the mother’s tummy” as a result of the parents' love. If you are embarrassed, videos and photos on the Internet will come to your rescue. They will clearly explain to the child how he was born. Don't be afraid to show them.

Irina, mother of a four-year-old daughter:

My daughter is 4 years and 3 months old, she asked where she came from. I answered her from my mother’s tummy. At first, this answer suited her, but just yesterday she asked, where did I come from in my tummy. I answered - from my dad.

Natalia, mother of 2 children:

The first time Tanya asked about 3-4 years old. I said that dad and mom sleep together under the same blanket, and dad loves mom so much that a baby settles in her stomach. Then he is born (here it is important to say that he is born, at this age the question HOW simply does not arise. Simply because he is still unknown and is not typical for this age). But Tanya asked another question, or rather sarcastically remarked: "You and dad are sleeping and sleeping together, but no one is born to you anymore!"

The second time was literally a week and a half ago ... I'm sitting at the computer, already turning it off. Tanya removes her pencils on her couch. Dad is already under the covers. We are going to sleep. And here:
- Mom, how does the child get out of the belly?
I already started to hiccup. I looked, Andrei pressed himself into the pillow ... That is, the question "how does he get there" we decided not to find out ... The girl immediately got down to the point. I'm talking:
-What do you think?
-I think it's through the belly. Maybe through the navel?
- Well, someone has it through the stomach, - I say.
Then Tanya makes a contented face and says:
- I knew it!

Everything. Curiosity satisfied. There is no need to run ahead of the locomotive and tell the details. You just need to answer the questions, as truthfully as possible. Since I am not going to tell my daughter about any storks, and I don’t want to plant any cabbage in the garden either, a little later I will definitely show her the book “Grow Healthy” by Robert Rotenberg, where there is everything about a person, about health, about conception and birth. I just thought that I couldn't tell Tanya about the birth process. She'll just get scared. A 5-year-old girl does not need to know this.

How to answer a child 6-10 years old?

Nowadays, they publish special educational literature adapted for primary school age (6-10 years). It is these books or special children's encyclopedias that are worth reading and watching with your child.

Neuropsychologist A. Ishina:

Let's assume that your child is already 6 years old, and he has not asked you any questions about sex and you have not observed any interest in this issue. Maybe then you shouldn't touch on this slippery topic, believing that before the wedding he will be most of all interested in cartoons and a collection of candy wrappers from gum? After all, there will be anatomy lessons in school ... But before anatomy, your child still has 8 years of study. And over the years, his peers will tell him this ... And then the lesson is the lesson: this is just a statement of any knowledge in a scientific language. And who will tell your child about love, tenderness, elevation of feelings? Who will explain that, unlike animals, people are guided in intimate relationships not by instinct, but by feelings? Therefore, at the age of 6, you need to provoke a conversation on this topic yourself. How? This is purely your creativity, for example, this option:

“It's so good that Dima and Sveta are finally married! They love each other so much. Soon Sveta will grow a belly, and then a little son or daughter will appear from there. Isn't that great? " Then the conversation will flow by itself, and you will gently push the child to a topic that will sooner or later interest him, as well as identify and correct his knowledge on this issue.

Child psychologist, psychoanalyst N.V. Bogdanov:

The story could be like this: “When a man and a woman love each other, they decide to live together. They have a common home, which they equip, create coziness. Soon they begin to think about a child. You already know that a man and a woman are arranged differently and they have organs called sex organs. They serve so that mom and dad can have a child. When a man and a woman love each other, they kiss and caress each other. They like it very much, it is pleasant. They want to conceive a child, a liquid emanates from dad's penis, in which there are many tiny, mobile "tadpoles" - spermatozoa. This liquid goes into the vagina (mom's little crack). In my mother's uterus, a small sac with thick walls, there is a round "cell" - an egg. When one of the little "tadpoles" meets the "cell" of the mother, they merge, from them a very small baby appears, which for nine months grows in the mother's belly. He is comfortable and safe there. When the child is ready to be born, he comes out through a crack in his mother's body, which at this time becomes wider so that he can pass through it. "

Psychologist Victoria Zinevich:

What to say? The plan is clear. Prepare your speech in advance. We begin to tell the baby that there must be dad and mom, they must be very happy, and if so, dad gives mommy his seeds in the tummy. Mom’s tummy has already prepared its seeds, and when these two seeds meet and become friends, then further in the mother’s womb, cells are built like from Lego. And when the right time comes, the mother goes to the doctor and the child goes outside. Well, it's at least true, or some part of it.

The child should learn about the physiological characteristics of a man and a woman, about how the relationship between the sexes develops. You need to talk about sex, about methods of contraception, as well as sexually transmitted diseases. This topic is present in textbooks of anatomy, but often teachers either avoid it or give it for independent study.

What should you say to your teenager?

A teenage child should be told not only about the positive aspects of intimate life, but also about the negative ones. Do not forget about the responsibility that a person assumes when starting an intimate life. Early sexual activity can lead to depletion of a young body and infertility. In addition, it can lead to early unwanted pregnancy, as a result - early abortion and infertility.

The child needs to be vaccinated related to the relationship between a man and a woman, to tell what the change of sexual partners can lead to, and also to talk about the sacredness of marriage, the birth of children in marriage, about planning your family.

You also need to talk to your child about his sexual health. This term hides not only a concern to protect yourself from various diseases, but also instilling the correct respectful approach to sexual relations. Boys need to develop a respectful attitude towards girls and her wants and needs. Girls need to instill a correct understanding of family and motherhood. The main thing is to make it clear that sexual health is directly related to sexual culture.

7 mistakes when answering the question where children come from

1. Refuse to answer if the child asks intimate questions. If the child embarrassed and took you by surprise with such a question, it is better to tell him that you will answer him later. And during the time-out, you will be able to prepare for a conversation with your child, consult with psychologists, more experienced parents, and purchase special children's literature. You cannot let the child understand that you are leaving him alone with his unresolved issues, giving him the right to independently search for information that may be presented in the wrong key.
2. Answer the question by citing an article from the medical encyclopedia. It is not necessary to form in the child the idea of ​​the beginning of a new life as a mechanical process. In such books, they never give an idea of ​​feelings, emotions, do not give the idea that a child is the fruit of a man and a woman's love for each other. The child wants to hear not dry, but precise explanations, but to receive an answer formulated specifically for him, focused on his age.
3. The parent of the opposite sex answers the question to the child. If a child is interested in issues of sexual life, it is better if a parent of the same sex discusses them with him. The father should have an intimate conversation with the boy, and the mother with the girl. This contributes to the further correct positioning of oneself in society as a woman and a man. Older children find it much easier and more comfortable to talk about such topics with a parent of the same gender.
4. Do not touch on sex education issues if the child is not asking questions. A child may not turn to parents with questions of an intimate nature, not because he is not interested in this topic, but simply because he experiences anxiety, which prevents him from asking questions that interest him. Parents should know that they need to talk with a 3-5 year old child about life, love and even death.
5. Rush ahead of time to talk to your child about sex education. There is no need to tell the child about what he does not yet understand and does not perceive. Until two years, this topic can not be touched at all. At this age, the child takes only the first steps in the knowledge of the world and human relations.
6. To touch on too complex topics. For example, when telling a girl about the birth of a child, it is not worth mentioning the difficulties that may be during pregnancy, about pain during natural childbirth and during cesarean section. There is no need to delve into the theory associated with intercourse.
7. Avoid topics related to sexual violence. The child should be aware of the possible dangers, but there is no need to intimidate or intimidate him. The main thing is to warn him not to go anywhere with strangers. And he didn't let anyone touch him. If this happens, for example, at any training session, you must inform your parents about it.

Of course, we love our children, but this does not negate the fact that sometimes they get on our nerves. They may be moody or come home with terrible diary marks. And sometimes parents just need to convey their thoughts to them, talk to them about what needs to be corrected in their behavior. We are all people, and even adults are sometimes overwhelmed by emotions that turn into carelessly thrown phrases that can not only offend the child, but become the culprit of his complexes, ideas about his own failure and dislike of parents. Sometimes we ourselves are not aware of the damage our words can cause. According to Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician, mother and author of six parenting books, the language we use to communicate with our baby is of paramount importance: “I've heard a lot of well-meaning words that parents say to their children, but that never come out. costs. I always try to approach things from a child's point of view. What does the child see, what does the child hear, what does the child get from this? "

One of the most common such phrases that parents say to their children, according to Meeker, is: "You're driving me crazy"... Perhaps, in certain situations, each of us has uttered these words at least once in our life. But when told to a child, they can have the most devastating consequences. Even if at some point your child stops listening to you, starts screaming and jumping loudly when you want to rest, cry in line at the store or whine and refuses to dress when you urgently need to take him to kindergarten, try to inform him about your emotions in the right shape. There is another phrase that seems softer to parents, but in fact is no different from the above: "I love you, but now I don't like you"... “It's the same way of saying, 'You're driving me crazy,'” says Dr. Meeker. "The child understands it this way: you really do not love me."

Do not forget that it is from parents that children learn about love and self-esteem.

And if a child is strengthened in the idea that his mom and dad do not appreciate him, do not care about him, then this can have a long-term negative effect on him. It would seem that one phrase, but the harm is colossal.

How a parent interacts with their child is critical to the child's development. If the example that dad and mom show to children is negative, then they will learn from it (for lack of another). “I don't think parents are aware of the effect their behavior has on their children,” says Dr. Meeker. - Of course, children start to imitate them. If the parent screams, then the child also becomes a habit. If the parent constantly criticizes the child, then the child begins to criticize first himself, and then everyone around him. " While this may seem like an exaggeration to some, parents should remember that they are the ones who shape and guide their children. These children eventually grow up and become adults.

How can you tell your child about your feelings and emotions, or ask him for something in a way that will benefit, not harm?

One of the most important pieces of advice from child psychologists is: Try to eliminate denials from advice or requests to children.

They are sure that phrases beginning with the preposition “no” or the word “no” are very difficult for children. The thing is that a small child has to deal with double processing of information. That is, when you say the phrase “you can’t do”, the child learns it and waits for the continuation of the phrase about what you can do. And it shouldn't be. Therefore, all prohibitions must be stated in a positive way. That is, instead of focusing on the unresolved, say what you have nothing against.

Thus, the usual phrases (“do not argue with me”, “you cannot shout so loudly here” and many others) should be modified so that the child understands you correctly and takes note of the information. What other popular parenting advice and requests need to be phrased differently?

Do not scream

The child may not hear himself from the outside and not know that he is speaking loudly. Sometimes it is enough for him to just tell about it. The correct analogue of this phrase would be: "Please speak a little more quietly"... If you add a reason for your request (for example, "because mom has a headache"), you will achieve a better effect.

Do not touch

As a rule, this phrase is pronounced in order to protect their personal belongings from child abuse or in order to protect the child from the negative effects of a dangerous object. If you thus forbid the baby to dig into your jewelry box, these words will remain incomprehensible for him: “Why is it okay for my mother, but not for me myself?”. If this is an attempt to warn the child against getting burned on a hot iron, then it will also not be very fruitful. Let's say this time the baby, frightened by the loud sound of your voice, removes his hand. But this will not prevent similar cases in the future, because for a child, an iron is one item, and it does not matter if it is cold or hot.

How, then, can you tell your children that certain objects should not be touched? Until a certain period, until the child can understand the causal relationship, it is better to secure the house on your own: remove dangerous objects, close the sockets. If it annoys you that he takes your makeup, just don't leave it where he can get it. After 4-5 years, it is worth explaining in detail to your child what exactly should not be done in order to avoid bad consequences. Some psychologists advise replace the word "cannot" with "dangerous"- in this situation it is more informative.

Do not run

This request will most likely confuse the child, because he sees other children running on the street and does not understand why he cannot behave the same at home. If you calmly explain to him why you do not want him to behave this way, he will listen to you. Phrase "Please walk at home calmly" will convey the essence of your request much better.

Do not lie

The phrase "don't lie" itself sounds threatening, doesn't it? Moreover, it is practically useless. If a child does not want to tell the truth to his parents, then he obviously has his own reasons, which should be paid attention to by wiser adults. If children know that they will be punished for what they have done - will they want to be honest? The child will not lie to you from evil. If the daughter used the calculator in solving problems, it was not because she wanted to upset mom and dad. Instead of scolding her, do the math with her and explain the incomprehensible topic.

When you need to find out the truth, you should be diplomatic and refrain from impulsive threats. For example, if you want to understand whether your son participated in a school fight, then you do not need to ask him about it directly (realizing in advance that it is easier for him to answer “no”), and then immediately accuse him of lying. Some things are difficult for our children to say out loud, the task of adults is to help, maintaining trust, and not to hurt or offend. Try to start the conversation like this: “I wanted to ask you about this ... You may not answer me right away, because I understand that the situation is not easy. Anyway, you know that I love you anyway and it is very important for me that we can trust each other. "

It is also worth remembering that children are always guided by their parental example. If older family members periodically catch each other on “little lies,” why should a child tell the truth and only the truth?

Do not get dirty

A child up to a certain age does not see the difference between clean and dirty clothes. While doing the usual things like playing in the sandbox, for example, he can be awkward and messy because he is passionate about the process. If you explain everything to him calmly, then next time he will try very hard not to upset his mother, who is proud of him. Instead of scolding for uncleanliness, try focusing the child's attention on the positive side of the question: “Being clean is beautiful. I like it so much when you are clean with me. So please be careful next time. "

Don't scatter toys

This prohibition is inherently meaningless. Have you seen a lot of children who, while playing, would not bring at least a little mess around them? Or could you make your own family dinner and not get any cutlery, dishes or pans dirty? Of course no. Therefore, first of all, you yourself should be more relaxed about this collateral damage of children's games. Gradually, you can teach your child to be independent: turn the process of cleaning toys into a game and invite him to join it.

Don't be silly

A child may decide that he is stupid without even knowing the true meaning of this word, but in an older age, this can develop into a complex. After all, with these words you are assessing his mental activity. If you want to point your child to more reasonable behavior in this situation, do it using a different formulation: "You are very smart with me, let's try to do it like this".

Don't poke your nose into your own business

The child can be greatly offended by not being considered. He will continue to intervene because he will no doubt be hurt by the unfairness of the situation. If you have an important conversation with your husband, and the children only distract from him, explain to them: “Your opinion is very important for me and my dad, but now we are discussing boring work / uninteresting everyday issues. Maybe you will play Lego for now or watch a cartoon? As soon as we are free, we will play with you. " It is very important to find other activities for your child while you are busy with your own business. If your baby is at a very young age, then sometimes you have to adjust your plans to fit his needs - a prudent proposal to arrange your leisure time yourself will not help here. If he is very tired, then it is better to put him to bed, and then discuss with her husband the utility bills for the past month.

Don't eat so much candy

The child does not understand that eating a lot of sweets will negatively affect health. Sweet is tasty, and therefore it is difficult to stop. Try to come to an agreement with him in a different way: “If you eat all the marmalade at one time, then there will be nothing left for tomorrow. Let's divide it into two (or more) portions? " ... If he knows that the reserves of sweets are not endless, he will want to prolong the pleasure.

Do not argue

It is useless to argue with an adult who does not understand you, just as it is useless to argue with a child. If you give an ultimatum: "We will not go anywhere until you put on a hat - and do not argue with me," then put the child in a position without the right to vote. And all people, regardless of their age, do not like this. If a child feels that his opinion and desires are not at all heeded, then not only is he convinced that power and power decide everything in this world, but also loses the opportunity to build trusting relationships with you, as well as acquire the communication skills necessary for adult life. ... Invite him to look for solutions that will suit both him and you: “You don’t want to wear a blue hat because you don’t like it? What about a red Spider-Man hat? " ...

Or, for example, there are situations when a child really wants to walk longer, and you need to return home as soon as possible and cook dinner. Instead of saying, “We're going home now, period,” describe the situation to your son or daughter in detail: “I understand how you want to walk, and the weather is wonderful today. But I need to get dinner ready before Dad comes home from work. Can you imagine how upset our beloved dad will be if he comes home tired and does not find something to eat? Let’s help me prepare dinner today, and tomorrow we’ll come to this hill in the morning? ” ...

Don `t cry

If your child is upset or physically uncomfortable, give him the opportunity to tell you about it. Without knowing it, he wants to be pitied, and if he does not achieve the goal, then he only multiplies his efforts. Pay attention to what is bothering him and suggest that they try to solve the problem together.

Don't put dirty hands in your mouth

You shouldn't shout and - even worse - hit your child's hands. How can he know that it is harmful to take dirt in his mouth? If you are worried about your child's health, then approach this issue in a playful way. For example, learn with him poem about the dangers of dirty objects.

And never forget that we - the parents - are the main role models for our children.

“Parents need to understand that children are always looking at them,” sums up Dr. Meeker. - Children don't really know who they are and what their personality is, what they should believe or even feel. Therefore, they are constantly looking for clues as to what the parent thinks of them. When they receive such prompts, they assimilate them, and this is how their personality is formed. "