Is it possible to kiss young children in the face. Children's Psychology: Is it possible to kiss a child on the lips? Kisses in the lips are not dangerous

Question: My mom criticized me, I want to consult with a professional. My daughter is 4 years old. My mother believes that it is impossible to kiss a child in the lips, because Lips are an erogenous zone. And kissing her, I develop her sexuality ahead of time. Is it so? Thanks in advance for the answer.

Anastasia Primak, Children's Psychologist:
Hello. To begin with, I would like to say that the kisses and touches of parents an integral part of the healthy development of the child. Immediately after birth, the child is experiencing a very large stress from the change of the situation, after a warm and cozy mother's tummy, the child is in someone else's and cold surrounding world. Therefore, it is natural that children constantly need warmth and affection: smile when you kiss or hug, it's better to fall asleep on your hands or with my mother feeling such a familiar smell and the heart beat of the mother. And how quickly stops the bump or chopped finger after this place kisses mom.

As for the erogenous zones and early development of sexuality: here, of course, sorry, but I categorically disagree with your mother. Yes, of course, all the kids have erogenous zones, and naturally at that age they are not yet developed, but your kisses will in no case begin to develop them ahead of time, they will begin to develop independently, and closer to adolescence, according to the laws established by nature . As for sexuality, she is so developed from the diaper. Already at 3 - 4 years, they choose their hairstyle, clothes, mummy things and try to use cosmetics. And this is again the natural process of development and not the influence of your kisses.

I would also like to add the story of one consultation when my mother of a seven-year-old child turned to me. The child was very alienated, did not communicate with other children, shuddered from each appeal in his direction, and at one time my attempt to acquire him and take the hand at all ran away. It seemed the impression that it was a little wild bridge. As it turned out later, Mom tried to seven years to seven years old, and he forbidden to others. I do not want to scare you somehow, such situations are extremely rare.

But in conclusion I want to say: this is your child, you endured it, gave birth and raise. And no one except you knows that at the moment it is better for a child: kiss or scold. Always listen to your heart and maternal instinct. And kiss your child as much as possible, and not only on the lips. After all, there are so many wonderful places that you can kiss: handles, legs, cheeks. After all, feeling all your delicate touch and your love, your child will grow good, responsive and gentle.

While we were preparing, they found a very burning question from moms on the forums: Is it possible to kiss a child on the lips. With this request, we turned to child psychologists who told where fear root lies and to pay attention to parents.

Psychologist Tatyana Nedilskaya is confident that if parents think about whether it is possible to kiss a child in her lips, then this is valuable in itself, because this is about the relationship, on the framework of the framework in relationships, and not only about it..

What is most often caused by the doubts of the parents in this topic?

First, it is doubts how hygienic is. Secondly, these are various psychological aspects and the consequences of this action. In addition to parents doubt, there are parents who have long decided on the answer to this question. And such parents can even be divided into two opposing camps: those who support such a manifestation of love, as a kiss on the lips, and those who are categorically against.

What do health workers say about this?

You can often find information that doctors, and especially dentists, warn that in the mouth of a person there is a huge number of microbes, which can pass the child, so they do not recommend kisses on the lips, with which any infection can get through saliva .

What can be said about the psychological side of this issue?

Tatyana NedilskayaPsychologist, psychotherapist on the method of positive therapy, art therapist

In my opinion, the answer to this question should be given to himself every specific family, taking into account personal beliefs and, taking into account certain age-related features of children.

It is important to decide on which "kisses in the lips" there is a speech - light kisses on the lips, so called "Smokes", or about deeper kisses, during which not only the upper part of the lips, but also fully lips and language are involved.

In the first case, quite often parents, hugging and kissing their children, can kiss them accidentally or deliberately on the lips, if there is a child's consent to this and this is permissible for the norms of this particular family. The consent of the child on any bodily attractions are generally very important, so I recommend that question "Can I hug you / kiss now?" sounded as often as possible in your family. If the child is against, then in no case cannot insist and all the more do it forcibly - respect and protect the bodily boundaries of your child, allow him to regulate them yourself and teach children these boundaries confidently defend.

In the second case, one should seriously think about the consequences of such "hot" kisses. From the point of view of Bodynamy, a bodily-oriented psychotherapeutic approach, which was founded by Lizbet Marcher in the 70s of the twentieth century in Denmark, the child passes various stages of growing up, and at the same time Bodynamics pays special attention to the body, bodily sensations, body muscles. From early childhood, we all master 7 basic topics: psychologically and bodily, and each - at a certain age. So here the child aged 3-6 years (the structure of love / sexuality) will find out and explores its sexuality; Love expresses, at the same time aware of his sensuality / sexuality; Direct love and sexuality on the opposite sex parent, then on other adults and peers; And in all of these relations, learns to preserve the balance between love, intimate and sensual sexual experiences. Highly it is important that parents take the sexuality of their child., respected his sensuality and sexuality towards parents and other people and helped the child this balance to find and save, and for this they need to establish a certain framework and restrictions in the subject of sexuality. Such "hot" kisses on the lips personally for me and for our family are unacceptable (son is now 4 years old).

Anastasia is fallingpsychologist, psychotherapist

The child has no concept of intimate parts of the body up to 3 years. Up to this age, the whole body in understanding the child is holistic, and the baby on an equal emotion studies fingers, and genitals. Some color shame and other things are brought by parents and society.

Regarding the most kisses, if in the family it is customary to kiss, hugging, then this issue does not rise. And if the child says "do not kiss me here," and in the family, they respect the personal space of everyone, then the problems will not arise too: well, not to kiss, so not kiss.

Regarding the kisses on the lips, if there is no disease in the oral cavity, the child has such manifestations of love, they do not cause rejection, then I do not see the reasons why not do it. Some fears can grow due to discussions in social networks and on the forums, which comes to absurd: discussion of psychological incest, and about violence ...

I'm against kicked relatives on mom-dad, as it's just unhygienically. In addition, if the child is older, then, of course, intimate components of feelings relative to the tel and uncle can be included, for example.

There is an important point, when this is not exactly done: When the most parents have thoughts and doubts, and is it possible to do it yourself. That is, when the parent itself has mixed feelings, as if the shame, awkwardness and the like. In this case, it is necessary, of course, to figure it out with you why this happens or does not happen. There are still your traditions of proximity in every family, which should also be considered.

Some of my colleagues do not advise kisses on the lips with the parent of the opposite sex. I do not see the reasons why this is not done if it is again not in doubt in the head of the parent.

What if such a kiss accidentally occurred?(answers Tatiana Nedilskaya)

Primarily, do not focus on this attention of the childand if he will ask about it or try to repeat, then gently and accessible to explain why you are against such a form of manifestation of love and immediately offer how you can and how would you like him to show you my love bodybuof.

Raising children - the thing is quite complicated, and how parents show their attachment to the child often becomes the topic of discussions. Most of the differences raises the question: "Is it normal to kiss a child in the lips?" Some psychologists argue that this is not necessary for this.

When it comes to education, a lot of dilemmes emerges: whether to spank a child in a sign of punishment; Is it possible to breastfeed in public places; Is it normal to teach them to adhere to the same views as the parents; Did the time come to talk to the child for adult topics? And what is the way more appropriate to express love and affection?

Some believe that there is nothing wrong to kiss your child in the lips. Others believe that it is too. American doctor Charlotte Reznik, Children's teacher-psychologist from Los Angeles, adheres to the second opinion and says that the mouth is an erogenous zone that is not intended for parents. She all the time warns the parents about it, because, despite the fact that it is considered as a sign of love, "kiss on the lips can be too confused by children."

Reznik is the author of the book "The strength of your child's imagination: how to turn stress and anxiety in joy and success". She explained that children could associate a kiss with a sexual or romantic link between their parents and wonder why they also arrive with them.

"If you start kissing your children on the lips, then when you stop? This whole situation will become too confusing. When the child grows up to 4-6 years, and he will have sexual consciousness (this is normal), a kiss on the lips can grow into something stimulating. Questions will begin in children: if mom kisses dad in her mouth and vice versa, what does this mean when I, a little girl or a boy, kiss my parents as well? If you ask when you stop kissing your children on your lips, I will answer - now! ", She advised.

Such reasoning Charlotte Reznik did not perceive many mothers who compared its arguments with when "experts" also persistently argued that cycling turns girls in lesbian. The words Reznik also denied the clinical psychologist Sally-Ann McCormack:

"There is absolutely accurate opinion that a kiss in the lips somehow confuses the child. Rather, it seems that "breastfeeding confuses." Perhaps someone has such an opinion, but it does not make it such. "

Family therapist and Dr. Paul Hocmeier, told:

"It is important that parents keep and supported boundaries in relations with their children."

Dr. Fiona Martin from the Sydney Center of Child Psychology is another specialist who disagrees from Reznik. She considers it absurd.

"Normally and great to show love for your children. You simply tell your children that love them, "Martin explained.

If we take specific examples, that is, those who support this practice, and those who oppose it. Here is the reaction of the actress Hilary Duff. She published a photo of a kiss with his 4-year-old Son hatch in Instagram.

She did not take critics, and answered all skeptics:

"For those who believe that a kiss on lips with my four-year-old son" is inappropriate ", just write down with your reasoning and thoughts."

Hilary Duff is not the only celebrity that caused the anger users of the network. David and Victoria Beckham collided with a lot of hate for published photos where they kiss their children. Post Victoria Beckham with the words: "Happy birthday, a girl ... We love you so much! Whole, mom "caused fierce debate.

The former football player of the national team of England David Beckham also criticized it hard when he shared a photo, where he kisses his younger child on his lips.

In response to criticism, David defended his actions during an interview on Facebook Live:

"I was criticized for the fact that I kissed my daughter on my lips. I kiss all my children in my lips - then he joked, - Brooklyn is not kissing. She is 18 years old, so it may seem a bit strange. We want to show our love to children, we defend them, care about them and support. "

When it comes to this particular problem, it seems there is no correct answer.

What do you think about this controversial issue?

Recently, disputes are increasingly arising, whether it is possible to kiss a newborn. Parents believe that in this way they show their love to the baby and psychologists agree with this. In their opinion, it is necessary to kiss the child. As soon as the baby appears on the light, he is experiencing a huge stress. And it is not surprising, because all this time the child was in a warm, cozy mother's tummy, he felt protected. Therefore, children constantly need warmth and affection.

According to psychologists, the child needs many strong hugs and kisses - for life, health and growth. If the child does not receive this, it grows insecure, with low self-esteem. Such children tend to persecute an alarming state and a sea of \u200b\u200bcomplexes appear.

Is it possible to kiss baby

But on the part of medicine to kiss a child - not permissible, as they believe that each person has its own individual microflora and is transmitted by the air-droplet. Simply put, when we kiss a child in your lips, then you break its natural balance of microorganisms, while creating a risk of disease.

Viruses are easily transmitted through the mucous membranes, so doctors prohibit kissing the baby on the lips and eyes. Approximately 90% of the total population in the blood there are various viruses, including herpes virus. The virus is contained in saliva, a few days before the appearance of rashes on the lips. Therefore, it is impossible to confidently declare that a person is healthy or vice versa that he gets ill. Moreover, herpes in children manifests itself much more serious than an adult. In young children, such a virus can cause a difficult state that often requires hospitalization.

But, in addition to scientifically proven facts there are folk beliefs. For example, there is such a sign that kissed the child, we take the first word from him. Simply put, the child will begin to talk late or becomes a dumb. So, expensive parents, solve you. But if there is at least one chance to protect your crumb, then they should take advantage.

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Smile together with your child! 🙂