Relations between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law: friendship or confrontation? Secrets of a good relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law psychology

The problem in the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is so common that it has become anecdotal. Many women complain that the mother of their spouse, who seemed to be a normal and adequate woman, after the wedding begins to behave strangely: she expresses eternal dissatisfaction, climbs with her advice, reproaches the couple for something, tries to manipulate and provoke. Sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity. To eradicate the problem and build relationships, you need to understand the reasons for this behavior. Even if you cannot become best friends with your mother-in-law, it is quite possible to maintain a relationship without quarrels and scandals.

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Why is the son's mother in conflict with his chosen one?

The most common and main cause of conflicts with a man's chosen one from scratch is maternal jealousy.

If a woman has one child, then this problem is especially acute. It will be even harder for a lady if she raised the boy alone and they had a close relationship. This does not apply to all mothers. Some, on the contrary, are very willing to make contact with a girl, trying to win her trust and make friends. But all people are different, so conflicts can happen often, for no apparent reason.

Sometimes women think that their daughter-in-law is absolutely unsuitable for their son. This is due to the fact that the mother-in-law has her own ideal of a girl who could pair her child. But men often have very different views on this matter. Example: a mother always wanted her son to find a faithful, kind and economic wife who loves children and keeps house. But a young man would never be interested in such girls, and therefore he fell in love with a charismatic, bright and active woman, after which he created a family with her. The mother-in-law will probably not like this option, so after the marriage she will unwittingly psychologically put pressure on her daughter-in-law.

How to choose between two guys

The most common claims of a man's mother to his wife

All families are individual, so the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law cannot be characterized in any specific way. But there is a certain list of topics on the basis of which conflicts arise most often. Here are some of them:

• The mother-in-law felt that her son's quality of life had deteriorated. A mother wants the best for her child. And when she sees slightly wrinkled clothes on him, she will conclude that the wife does not want to take care of her son and does not love him at all. A woman will see the bad even in small things, although in fact the daughter-in-law has no problem with housekeeping.
• A man's mother thinks that his wife is a bad influence on him. When a guy and a girl get married, they have obligations to each other and all family issues are resolved together. The mother-in-law wants her beloved son to always talk about everything and consult with her. An adult man is unlikely to want to do this, which is why the mother is able to consider that the daughter-in-law is a bad influence on her son and sets him against her.
• A woman tries to change her daughter-in-law, seeing a lot of shortcomings in her. This can manifest itself literally in everything: the girl wears the wrong clothes, speaks and gesticulates the wrong way, does the wrong thing and works in the wrong place. Such behavior would begin to irritate any daughter-in-law, on the basis of which conflicts are possible.
• The mother-in-law gives advice that no one asks for. It is important to note that often these recommendations are aimed at raising children. The grandmother, relying on her experience, will try to force the woman in labor to do what she does not want. For example, to use some folk remedies that no one uses anymore, and the like. Sometimes this concerns the presence of children: mothers-in-law often try to hint to the newlyweds that they would like grandchildren, and this develops into psychological pressure on their part. At the same time, spouses themselves do not always want to have a child.

Usually the man's mother, expressing open dissatisfaction with the chosen one of her son, tries to influence the daughter-in-law from all sides. That is, she constantly reproaches her for the lack of thriftiness, and for her bad temper, and for something else. If a woman calmly and without raising her voice draws attention to some problem or shortcoming, then you should think: maybe she sincerely wants to help.

Not always a bad relationship with the mother-in-law develops because of her hatred for the wife of the child. It is highly likely that the lady has a difficult character, but does not at all try to reproach the girl for anything and really wants to help her.

How not to argue with your husband

What to do to stop scandals and quarrels?

It is possible to improve relations with a man’s mother, but for this you need to understand the root of the problem. If families live far from each other, then this is a big plus. This means that communication with the mother-in-law can be limited, thereby avoiding a quarrel. In those moments when all relatives get together, the daughter-in-law should try to be patient, not respond to provocations and restrain emotions.

If the mother and spouse live in the same house, then it will be more difficult to establish communication. The only solution to the problem in daily conflicts will be to move away from the woman if the couple lives in her apartment. On its territory, the mother can dictate any rules and partially interfere in the private life of young people.

In the case when the spouse's mother lives in the couple's apartment, then you should let her know that she is not the mistress in this house. This also applies to those situations when a woman tries to remake everything to her taste and requires compliance with some rules that the daughter-in-law does not like. For example, this applies to the interior of the apartment, the frequency of cleaning in it, the presence or absence of some kind of equipment - any economic issues.

But the wife also needs to remember that any person needs his own comfort zone. It is difficult to retrain a mature or elderly lady to live in such and such a way, if she has done differently all her life. And if the husband's mother will live with them on a long-term basis, then let her have the opportunity to change something for herself. For example, in one room. It will depend on the reaction to the behavior of the mother-in-law whether peace or war will reign in the house, so it is important to find a compromise.

There are also a few things to keep in mind to avoid:

• You don't have to try to defend yourself. Scolding and maintaining conflict contributes to the deterioration of relations. It is advisable to try to restrain your emotions and keep silent. Or answer the woman calmly, without raising her voice. Moreover, one should not say “I hate” the mother-in-law or insult her with some swear words.
• The mother-in-law should not be accused of provocations. Often older women like to put pressure on pity, reproaching their sons for not appreciating them at all. It is better to ignore such behavior, leaving it without any comments.
• On purpose, look for the shortcomings of the husband's mother, discuss them with someone. You don’t need to tell everyone how difficult it is to live or communicate with your mother-in-law. It's not nice for her. In addition, all quarrels should remain within the family. And even the closest friends should not be told this.
• Complain to a man about how bad his mother is. Surely the husband sees that the relationship between his wife and mother is not the most ideal. But it is impossible to reproach him for not supporting his chosen one in conflicts. In such a situation, the young man will feel as if between two fires. In addition, he may not agree with the opinion of his wife, so there is no need to put pressure on him.

It should be noted that the daughter-in-law should not try to please the mother-in-law either. We must try to maintain a neutral relationship. If a woman behaves somehow inadequately and defiantly, then contacts with her should be minimized completely or stopped altogether.

I hate my husband

If the husband's mother is a religious person, then you need to focus on this. You should calmly talk with a woman, discussing with her the topic of relationships from the point of view of religion. Both in Islam and in Orthodoxy, the mother and the chosen one of a man must express love for each other, show respect, be one family.

There are some universal tips and tricks that will help you communicate with a man’s mother:

• The choice of a woman should be respected. When the mother-in-law makes some decision that indirectly relates to the life of the spouses, then it must be accepted. It should be noted that sometimes couples themselves climb into other people's business. A woman also has her own personal life, her own plans, and one should not press on her. This also applies to certain financial matters (such as large purchases), her activities, relationships with other family members, and so on.
• You need to try to look at the problem with someone else's eyes. If a woman is regularly dissatisfied with some trifle, then you need to think, maybe she really gives her great inconvenience. As mentioned above, it is difficult to retrain a person who has been living by his own rules for many years.
• It is worth facilitating communication between the husband and mother. This is especially true for those situations when a lonely mother-in-law lacks conversations with a child, which makes her begin to think that the daughter-in-law is to blame. Sometimes you need to be reminded that it would be nice to visit your mother or at least call her.

There is no one universal secret of proper communication with a man’s mother. All people are individual, and it is worth starting from this. You need to try to find an approach to the mother-in-law, try to understand her desires, think about her needs. From the point of view of psychology, it will be difficult for a single woman if her beloved son marries his chosen one. It is important to set yourself up for friendliness from the very beginning. Surely a woman, seeing that her daughter-in-law willingly makes contact, will also change her position and become more condescending.

And some secrets...

I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick jerk...

Conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are an age-old problem in family relationships. The first years of a young family's life are often overshadowed by the difficult relationship between the wife and the husband's mother. What is the cause of conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and can they be somehow avoided?

Sometimes a real rivalry arises between two women for spheres of influence, for the attention of a man (son and husband), and this serves as the basis for most conflicts, even if young people initially live separately. And if a young family has to live with their parents, then the risk of conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law increases significantly, because two housewives most often do not get along in the house. Despite the life experience of the mother-in-law and the fact that the young wife still has a lot to learn, the daughter-in-law takes her mother-in-law's advice on housekeeping very painfully.

Naturally mother-in-law can be different. She is also a person who can get tired, feel bad, be irritable and demand attention. But you must admit, it’s rather stupid to demand from a person who is a full-fledged mistress of the house that she adapt to an inexperienced young woman, all this will only increase the conflict situation, which will poison the life of others. In this case, if the daughter-in-law is not so stupid, she herself will look for an opportunity to adapt to her mother-in-law (to ask for advice or teach something), let her know that she appreciates her son very highly, which is the merit only of her mother-in-law. All this can make your mother-in-law your adviser and ally, and not an enemy.

To a greater or lesser extent, everyone without exception experiences a critical attitude on the part of the parents of a husband or wife. And this is not unusual, because (let's not pretend) we all tend to exaggerate the virtues of our children. On the other hand, a common cause of dissatisfied attitudes is jealousy. Parents understand that children will leave the parental home anyway, but still the care itself is a great loss for them.

If, by virtue of her nature, her husband's mother is a conflicting and aggressive person who is not able to get along with anyone, and not only you think so, then you just have to try not to provoke conflicts. Although this behavior is unlikely to correct the situation. If the mother-in-law's negative attitude applies only to you, you need to find out the reasons for such an attitude so that you can find a way out of this situation.

Why do conflicts mostly occur between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? After all, the motivation of discontent can also arise from the father of the husband. And the thing is that by nature women are very emotional, in their behavior they are more often guided by feelings than by reason. Often they themselves understand that they are wrong, but they cannot cope with their emotions.

Another reason for the dissatisfied attitude of the mother-in-law to the daughter-in-law may be hormonal changes in the body of a woman, which occur precisely at the time when her children create their own families. Of course, menopause is not a disease, but it significantly affects a woman, including her character and mood. Explosions of irritability, irascibility inherent in this period, a woman is not always able to control, and this does not have the best effect on relationships. In addition, for some women, menopause is a sign of the onset of old age, so they endure this period especially painfully psychologically. And the daughter-in-law at this moment is another reminder of impending old age, like wrinkles, from which there is no escape. After all, soon the mother-in-law can also become a grandmother, and this thought pleases all women far from it.

But after all, in addition to the ongoing conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, there are families where the relationship between them remains good. Is it possible to somehow predict the behavior of the future mother-in-law, and somehow prepare for it?

According to the characteristics of the character of a woman, one can also judge her qualities as a mother-in-law. For example, a dominant woman who is naturally a leader is more likely to demand submission from her daughter-in-law, or to constantly set her own rules in a young family. In addition, the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law will also be influenced by living conditions. This includes not only joint or separate living, but also the employment of a person. If the future mother-in-law has a job, a lot of activities and hobbies, then most likely she will not care about your ability to manage the household. Rather, she will try to find in you an interesting interlocutor who will always listen to her stories about sore issues. By the way, women leaders at work are not at all directive in communicating with their families.

The established relationship between mother and son is very important, especially if there is a strong attachment between them. If a child was brought up by a mother without a father, or if this is a desired late child, which is the only meaning of the mother's life, then it is difficult to get used to the breakup of relations, which implies the son's marriage. Yes, and mothers do not want to put up with such a situation, and therefore continue to fulfill their role already in the son's family. Another negative option for the development of family relations is the situation when the child grew up under constant pressure from his parents: he was friends with those with whom he was told, did what he was told, and punishment followed for refusal. As an adult, the son of such parents will receive the profession they desire, and marry the one they choose for him.

There are plenty of reasons for the dissatisfied attitude of the mother-in-law to the daughter-in-law. I think you should not look for the guilty, both are to blame. Much depends on the behavior of both the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law. Often, daughters-in-law pay attention only to the remarks and reproaches of their husbands' mothers, which is why they consider them "shrewds". But it also happens that these remarks are justified and useful for the young mistress and wife. Maybe it's really worth listening and learning something?

A smart daughter-in-law should always try to resolve the conflict herself, without involving anyone, especially her husband, in it. You should not complain to him about the behavior of his mother, and say that you are offended. All these squabbles and scandals are generally unpleasant for him, and you should not put him before a choice at all, since this choice may not be in your favor. According to statistics, sons in serious situations in most cases take the side of their mothers. Therefore, you will have to somehow adapt and be more loyal, since you have appeared in the life of your beloved man quite recently. Remember that without your help, you will not wait for a compromise from your mother-in-law. Of course, this does not mean that you should flatter, compliment this woman and stick out all your virtues. Just try to be yourself, love your husband and treat his mother with respect, even if she has a lot of flaws (and who doesn't?). Maybe then they will see something positive in you.

In the case when a young family has to live with the husband's parents, and the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law share the kitchen, it is important to immediately delimit the field of activity. And this applies not only to cooking, but also to cleaning, raising children, choosing a gift for her husband and her own territory. It is best in this situation to distribute responsibilities. And even if the mother-in-law turned out to be a caring woman who decided to take on most of the household chores because of your employment (work, study, children), you should still not shy away from everyday life. This will be proof that you deserve the title of hostess.

Since the territory and responsibilities are divided, it is worth thinking about the financial issue and suggesting that the mother-in-law share the budget when running a common household.

Another piece of advice for the daughter-in-law is to listen more to the mother-in-law in order to know about her preferences and what annoys her. Most conflicts arise most often due to understatement, misunderstanding. Wise condescension, patience and the ability to restrain your emotions will help you build normal relationships in the family. The daughter-in-law should try to convince the mother of her husband that not only did she not lose her son, but she also acquired a daughter, and in the future, grandchildren, the successors of their family.

The mother-in-law, for her part, should support the young family, help the “newly made” mistress in everything, and not demand from her the same that she herself knows. Even if she is unhappy with the choice of her son, it is worth being tactful, because the son is still. And if he chose her, then it was for what.

The confrontation that has existed between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law since the creation of the world has a real explanation. Usually the older woman follows her character, and the younger one does not want to understand her. But why do two kindred spirits hate each other so fiercely? After all, both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law love the same man, although with different loves. Where, then, in such a situation, does the reason for enmity come from? So, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the psychology of relationships is the topic of conversation for today.

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Photo gallery: Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the psychology of relationships

Even if the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law do not outwardly demonstrate antipathy towards each other, very often their communication resembles a temporary and fragile truce or armed neutrality. And, as you know, both of them are fraught with destructive military actions in the future. According to psychologists, the reason for the relationship, which has long become a talk of the tongue, often lies in the personality traits of the “second mother”. Therefore, all brides who cannot boast of a cloudless relationship with their husband's mother must first determine what type their mother-in-law belongs to, and then, with the help of the recommendations of specialists, try to mitigate the situation. In principle, this is not so difficult to do. There would be a desire. After extensive research, psychologists divided the "evil" mothers-in-law into four groups.

domineering

It would be more accurate to call this woman the owner. Such a mother-in-law is absolutely sure that all her household members, that is, her husband and children, belong to her undividedly as movable property - along with the immovable property she has, be it yes, a car and other blessings of civilization.

This type is quite easy to install. As a rule, such a woman voluntarily takes on the functions of the head of the family, and this immediately catches the eye of everyone who enters her house. But it should be noted that this usually happens with the full connivance of the male part of the family. Henpecked husbands and sissies are the end product of her domestic expansion.

Now imagine what will happen to this woman if she arrives at the dacha in winter and catches a homeless person there or, having run out into the yard to the sound of an alarm, grabs a slob teenager picking her car by the sleeve. Yes, she torments everyone who dares to encroach on her personal property! And is it necessary to explain that she will treat her daughter-in-law in the same way, who, like an impudent thief, took and stole her precious boy from her. Only in this case, the situation is aggravated by the fact that the homeless and the hijacker can be punished with the help of law enforcement agencies and thereby satisfy the offended vanity. And unfortunately, you can’t put a daughter-in-law in jail for a stamp in a passport. It remains only to keep a stone in her bosom for her and live with the hope that she will someday return the stolen property as unnecessary. Such is the psychology of relationships ...

daughter-in-law advice

Try as little as possible to visit your mother-in-law at home with your husband. Do not encourage your husband to visit his mother alone. But ending the relationship completely is also bad - it will only aggravate your confrontation. It is best if you invite your mother-in-law to visit you more often. In foreign territory, she will feel less confident. And the sight of your strong family nest will eventually make her come to terms with the fact that her son has his own personal life, to which her “certificate of ownership” does not apply.

jealous

There is a less common type of jealousy - when a woman is jealous of all people without exception from her immediate environment, regardless of their gender and age. The peculiarity of her character is such that she has been doing this all her life. As a child, the teacher is jealous of a classmate, and her younger sister is jealous of her parents. Having become an adult, she is jealous of the neighbor from below to the neighbor on the side, the boss - to the colleague, and the older brother - to his wife. And, of course, if this woman becomes a mother-in-law, she will definitely be jealous of her son for his chosen one. Unfortunately, getting rid of this feeling is much more difficult than getting rid of jealousy "out of love." There is always food for jealousy here - just look around and choose yourself another object for exercising in masochism. This is the most common situation in which the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law find themselves - the psychology of relationships based on jealousy is given the most attention by specialists.

daughter-in-law advice

As mentioned above, psychologists do not advise letting the husband go alone to visit the mother-owner. But in this case, the recommendation will be just the opposite. Let your husband visit his mother more often alone. Let the mother-in-law fully enjoy the company of her son. Thus, your husband will be able to pacify the jealousy of his mother-in-law and create the prerequisites for your peaceful coexistence.

Weak

This type of woman is insecure. It seems to her that she is such a defenseless creature that she cannot live a day without a strong male shoulder. But the circumstances are such that there is no shoulder nearby - for various reasons. Maybe she really is a lonely person - a single mother, a divorcee or a widow. Or maybe she has a legal husband or a cordial friend, but she is not fit for the role of hope and support. But a weak woman has an unmarried son who carries her heavy bags of groceries, takes her to the clinic and meets her near the subway when she returns late in the evening from guests. Well, how will this woman relate to her daughter-in-law, who takes over her son's time and even takes the caring boy out of the family?

daughter-in-law advice

Make sure that the mother-in-law does not feel a change in her status as a guardian. Keep bringing her groceries, fixing her plumbing, and walking her home when she's visiting you. And don't grumble at your husband if he visits his mother for an hour or two after work. If the mother-in-law realizes that filial attention has not become less, she will begin to treat you much warmer.

old fashioned

Due to the patriarchal upbringing she inherited, this woman, with all her desire, is not able to treat all subsequent generations with approval. She perceives her daughter-in-law's miniskirt and ring-studded ear shells as a personal insult, and the raspberry color of your hair will become an unconditional reason to declare you persona non grata in her house. She not only does not understand your musical tastes and considers young people's views on sexual relations to be immoral. Such a mother-in-law is pre-configured that a good family with a modern girl cannot be created under any circumstances.

daughter-in-law advice

Every time you communicate with your mother-in-law, do not abuse bright makeup and avant-garde outfits. And who knows, maybe not only a strict mother-in-law will like a classic chiffon blouse with a lace collar? It is possible that your husband will begin to admire you even more. Visit your mother-in-law together and take care of your husband in her presence. And in a conversation at the table, do not scold "stagnant" times, do not use those words from youth jargon. It is quite possible that your modest behavior, in the end, will melt the heart of an implacable conservative.

When the wedding is played, and the young married couple returned from their honeymoon, the pleasant everyday life of the new family begins. A mother-in-law appears in the life of a newly-made wife.

A serious task is to establish good relations with the mother-in-law

The climate in the family, the relationship of the spouses to each other, and, in the end, love depend on how successful this will turn out.

It turns out that the young woman has another relative - her husband's mother. In fact, it is difficult to call a relative of someone who appeared in your life a few months ago. Difficult, but necessary. After all, marriage is a new life, a new status, a new level of your growing up, new, mature relationships with everyone, and especially with your family.

Yes, your husband's mother is part of your new family. Therefore, if you wish your family peace, tranquility and prosperity, you will want to establish these relationships - the relationship of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Moreover, if a certain conflict situation arises between two generations of women, then this will become a real threat to marriage.

Therefore, it is very important to establish relations between two beloved women of one man.

In the distant past, the mother-in-law was called mother

In the old days, young daughters-in-law called their mother-in-law "mother", which demonstrated the complete acceptance of the young wife into the family. There was no question of any choice - the husband's mother is your second mother.

Despite this, how many vicious, sarcastic proverbs and sayings related to this topic have been known since ancient times.

• “The mother-in-law is angry that the daughter-in-law is having fun”
• “From the mother-in-law’s caress, you will choke with tears”
• “A dashing mother-in-law has eyes behind her”

The daughter-in-law reciprocates. She is full of bad thoughts: "I hate my mother-in-law"

Where did this war between two women come from? Why does the mother-in-law hate her daughter-in-law?

Two women fighting for the attention of one man

Sigmund Freud once spent a lot of energy and nerves to sort out this burning issue, and came to the paradoxical conclusion that there is jealousy in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Ancient as the world, not subject to reasonable explanation and control.

Of course, mother raised her son not easily, did not sleep at night, sat by the bed when the baby's teeth were cut and he cried. She ran to parent-teacher meetings and listened to teachers' discontent, fought for good grades, beat off bad companies, made contacts at institutes, and at the same time was the closest person to her boy. The son trusted her the most intimate even as an adult! This is an inextricable bond between mother and son, which continues into adult puberty.

In our country, mothers maintain a close relationship with their sons throughout their lives. This is our Russian reality, features of the mentality. This must be taken into account and treated with respect.

Mothers treat their adult sons in almost the same way as they did in their childhood - especially intently and extra carefully.

Why doesn't the mother-in-law love her daughter-in-law? After all, she is the choice of her son.

With the advent of a new important woman in the life of a son, a mother is expected to move from her status as the first woman of her son to the status of woman No. 2. Many mothers are not willing to lose their leading position. They often perceive their daughter-in-law as a rival, and not as a new member of the family. Maternal jealousy is hard to put up with the fact that the son has another woman, his wife.

All of the above is not amenable to any conscious analysis, all this is happening at the level of emotions and instincts. As they say, such is female and, especially, maternal nature.

For every mother, her son is the best

Freud, in general, hinted that for a mother her son is the personification of an ideal man, which this mother did not have. The image of a son in mothers is often maximally idealized. And no, even the most beautiful woman in the world, can match this ideal man's son. That's what most moms think. And what can I say, if the son chose as his wife an ordinary classmate, the daughter of a neighbor, or even some kind of divorcee with a child!

That's really where the torment of the mother's heart! Not only mothers of girls call their daughters "princesses", but mothers of boys sincerely believe that their sons are true princes.

And what happens in the minds of daughters-in-law, who also clench their fists in anger and whisper quietly when the husband does not hear: “I hate my mother-in-law”

Approximately the same thoughts as those of the mother-in-law, that is, again we are dealing with jealousy.

The daughter-in-law is uncomfortable when the mother-in-law is active and sympathetic

So you got married, a family was formed. But somehow it turns out strange that the husband’s mother interferes in the magnificent duet of two loving hearts. She is omnipresent and active. She is energetic and proactive. From the lips of her husband does not leave: "Mom said ...", "Mom thinks that ...", "Mom thinks that we need ..."

What can I say, the wife is nervous. The status of the first and main woman of the beloved husband is constantly attacked by the mother-in-law. Her influence and pressure have an unpleasant effect on the young new wife. All the qualities of the daughter-in-law are subject to doubt: intelligence, ability to manage the household, spiritual qualities. This list is endless. It all depends on the imagination of the mother-in-law.

Everyone knows the ridiculous stories of mothers-in-law nagging their daughters-in-law, to the point that the daughter-in-law is so clean that “it’s disgusting to be in such a clean apartment, like in a hospital ...”

Yes, you can laugh about it endlessly. You can sing along with ditties about your mother-in-law and mother-in-law, you can complain to your girlfriends: “I hate my mother-in-law,” you can gossip about it endlessly.

But that doesn't help at all!

And the matter of mutual understanding between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law requires a subtle approach, smart advice, perhaps even the help of a psychologist!

You must always remember that, first of all, we are all people, and we want a kind, human relationship with ourselves.

There is an interesting Chinese parable that gives basic advice in achieving peace between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law:

“One daughter-in-law hated her mother-in-law. She once came to a shopkeeper selling various medicinal herbs and asked him to sell her grass so that she would destroy her hated mother-in-law. The shopkeeper was a wise old Chinese man. He looked at the young, excited girl and said to her: “I will sell you such grass. But in order not to be suspected of killing your mother-in-law, you must give it gradually, every day. In the morning, brew it in a teapot and serve it to your mother-in-law along with a kind word and a smile. And also learn to control your anger, and learn to respect an older woman. Do it all every day, don't miss a single day."

The bride did just that. A few months have passed and the excited girl runs to the herbalist's shop: “Please give me another herb to save my beloved mother-in-law. While I gave her poison, I fell in love with her. She is such a sweet and kind woman. She became close to me like a mother. I don't want her to die"

The elderly Chinese smiled back at her, “She will not die. I gave you ordinary grass. The poison was in your head and your soul. But you got rid of it yourself."

From this parable it is clear that much depends on the behavior of the young daughter-in-law.

It is the young woman who has entered her husband's family that must and can do everything to create a good relationship with an elderly (or not so) mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law is the woman who gave birth and raised your husband.

The first and most important thing that should settle in the soul of a young wife is respect for the mother-in-law, as for the mother of her husband. It was this woman who brought into the world and raised the man you chose for your whole life. Gratitude and respect are the main pillars on which the attitude towards the mother-in-law should be kept.

If you understand and accept this, then everything will be fine.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER confront your mother-in-law openly.

In no case should an open confrontation be allowed between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. This is the most stupid thing in the world, which is guaranteed to lead to problems in the family.

The war with the husband's mother is a war lost in advance.

It is also unacceptable and fraught with bad consequences to complain to a husband about his mother.

Therefore, take off your crown, sit quietly on a chair and think about what you would say if someone told you something negative about your mother. Yes, let him be three times right, let him be the Lord God himself - but you don’t need to touch your mother. Mom is sacred.

A husband who is told something unpleasant about his mother thinks the same thing. At first, he may take everything lightly and dismiss the reproaches of the young wife towards the mother. But if these reproaches become constant, the husband will find himself in an unpleasant situation of choosing which side to take. And we must admit that this choice in most cases is not in favor of wives. And it's hard to demand anything else from them - it's like giving up your mother. This already smacks of betrayal. Don't give your other half a chance to even think about it.

Take a given for yourself: Mom is Mom! No more, but no less.

Therefore, behavior should be thoughtful, intelligent, calm and respectful.

Another tip for a quiet family life - live SEPARATELY from your parents, including your mother-in-law.

No matter how wonderful, complaisant nature mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may have, conflicts, small and large, everyday and epic, will certainly arise on one common square.

The fewer moments of everyday irritation - the more positive in the relationship. A weekly visit to the husband's mother is a great opportunity to show respect, communicate, and exchange positive emotions. This is quite enough to make a good impression on each other and part as allies, not rivals.

Such meetings will be pleasant for all family members - husband, wife, mother-in-law. They are not burdensome in terms of time and energy costs, they make it possible to be in contact, but not so tight that it becomes unpleasant.

In general, several theses can be voiced for healthy communication between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law.

1. Show respect to the mother-in-law, so that she feels it.
2. Never argue with your mother-in-law
3. Never complain to your husband about his mother.
4. Sometimes, within reasonable limits, ask her advice regarding a common beloved man. It will melt the heart of any mother.
5. Do not gossip about the mother-in-law, especially among those people from whom this may become known.
6. Do not try to be friends with your mother-in-law, you are not friends, you have different statuses
7. Keep a distance in communication, adhering to a respectful and respectful attitude, without heartfelt details.
8. Carefully and delicately convey to the husband that first the husband and wife, and then the mother-in-law. Women's wisdom is important here.
9. Separate living is required. There are no two housewives in one house.

Summing up the reasoning on this topic, I would like to say once again that there are many pitfalls in marriage that are not visible at first glance, but which can pretty much spoil the “weather in the house”.

In addition to the fact that it is important to preserve love, arrange the life and comfortable existence of two adults who are bound by marriage, it is important to create a pleasant, comfortable space for a wider circle of relatives and friends. Everyone should be pleased with your family: mother-in-law and father-in-law, mother-in-law and father-in-law. Then there will be peace and love between spouses.

Do not fight with moms and dads, neither with your own, nor with strangers.

All family happiness!

By nature, women are emotional. Their behavior is more guided by feelings than by reason. For this reason, conflicts often arise between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law. The risk of disagreements is even greater if the young family has to live together with the husband's parents, since it is known that two mistresses in the same house often do not get along. Most mothers are afraid of losing the attention and control of their sons, which contributes to the transition of a once-warm relationship into a hostile one.

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The main causes of discord in the family

There are several main reasons for the outbreak of war between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law in the family:

The causes of quarrels and strife are many. After the birth of grandchildren, quarrels may also arise because of them. It sometimes seems to the mother-in-law that the son's wife does not look after the children in the same way: she does not feed them, clothe them, and educate them. You don't have to look for someone to blame. As a rule, the fault lies with both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law.

The daughter-in-law is also a person with her own character traits. Such traits as stubbornness, unwillingness to adapt to the established norms of life in a new family only exacerbate the conflict situation and poison the lives of others. In some cases, one should listen to the remarks and reproaches of the mother-in-law, since sometimes they can be justified and useful for a young girl.

7 Ways to Improve Relationships

The psychology of the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is very complex. Smart and sensible wives will find out the secrets of communication with their husband's mother and try to build relationships. You should listen to the advice of psychologists and solve the problems that have arisen as quickly as possible, without postponing for later:

1. 1. The mother-in-law should not be allowed to witness quarrels with her husband.
2. 2. Do not complain to your husband about his mother. Caught between two fires, a man will be nervous. He will never be able to make a choice between his mother and wife, as these are the two closest people to him.
3. 3. You can learn to cook from your mother-in-law, especially since men often prefer their mother's kitchen.
4. 4. You should not interfere in the relationship of the spouse and his mother.
5. 5. It is necessary to understand the reason why the conflict arose and try to prevent its aggravation.
6. 6. It is worth learning to love and accept your husband with all his relatives, and not try to separate him from them.
7. 7. It is recommended to thank the mother-in-law more often, not to skimp on sincere words of gratitude, because it was she who raised such a wonderful man.

But the main condition for harmonious relations and peace in the family is still separate living.

The story of one of our readers Alina R.:

Money has always been my main concern. Because of this, I had a lot of complexes. I considered myself a failure, problems at work and in my personal life haunted me. However, I decided that I still needed personal help. Sometimes it seems that the matter is in yourself, all failures are only a consequence of bad energy, the evil eye, or some other evil force.

But who will help in a difficult life situation, when it seems that the whole life is going downhill and passing by you. It is difficult to be happy working as a cashier for 26 thousand rubles, when you had to pay 11 for renting an apartment. Imagine my surprise when my whole life suddenly changed overnight for the better. I could not even imagine that it is possible to earn so much money that some kind of trinket at first glance could have such an impact.